Life is Okay
by Siobhan Masen
Summary: Bella has had it with her relationship, she is stable but just not with her soulmate. Edward is tired of being used and feels like he is not in love anymore, so he moves back home to get some space. Can these two find love and happiness?
1. Chapter 1 I Wish the Best for You

**A/N: Thanks you for those of you who have chosen to read this little story. I am so happy to share! **

**I hope you enjoy this new story, this one is based on several ideas I had and as I was plotting it out several songs on my iTunes matched the situation so most of the chapters will be named for songs. Now I have very eclectic tastes in music so hopefully you will find something you like from my list. I have found so many new songs and artists through many other stories so I hope you enjoy what I have picked out. And please feel free to share any songs that you feel fit as well.**

**Thanks to Project Team Beta, this thing was a disaster without them. They make me look good! Ok...I don't know if I look good but the story has a lot less errors because of them, so many thanks!**

**I have so many extras on my profile to go along with the story, so head on over and check out the fun stuff. Go on, go look at it.**

**Playlist for this chapter:Life is Okay-Michael Johns w/ Brooke White, I Wish You The Best-Emerson Hart, Too Far Gone-Sam Bradley(just 'cause I could listen to this song on a loop for days on end!),A Falling Through-Ray LaMontange, In God's Hands-Nelly Furtado w/ Keith Urban, Boston(Live)-Augustana,Not Meant to Be- Theory of a Deadman, Seperate Ways-Journey('cause the effing rule and the song really applies)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or anything associated with Twilight. Actually I do own several copies of the books, but you know what I mean. I don't own any of the songs in this story either. I do wish that I did own all of them because I love them all, so one day we might be able to work out a little trade. But until then, not mine at all. I would share with everyone if I did own any of this:)**

**Now on with the show….**

* * *

**Life Is Okay**

_Life is Okay_

_I remember skies of blue_

_There was always someone who never knew_

_Life is Okay_

_I think about those days gone by_

_Where there was nothing but you and I_

_Life is Okay_

**_Michael Johns featuring Brooke White- Life is Okay_**

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**Chapter 1- I Wish the Best for You**

_How long can we wait here_

_To say goodbye_

_The words, once they're spoken_

_Are words that we can't take_

_Back to where we were before_

_Things got in the way_

_Life gets so confusing_

_When you know what you're losing_

_You, Me, why can't we see_

_That there's more to love than we'll ever know_

_Sometimes you're closer when you're letting go_

_I wish the best for you_

_I wish the best for you_

**_Emerson Hart-I Wish the Best for You_**

Bella's POV

I unlocked my door, entered the apartment, and tossed the keys on the table. I sighed. I knew I was avoiding the subject I needed to concentrate on. He would be home in four days and I needed to make my decision. I was glad I was finished with finals and could concentrate only on this-this was big, major and needed my undivided attention.

After getting a beer from the refrigerator, I headed to my computer to check my email and look over my bank account. When I opened iTunes, I knew I was stalling. I was desperately searching for something else to occupy my mind.

I quickly thought about the next two weeks. I had so much to do during that time. I needed to finalize things at school and then prepare to start work in the real world. I wasn't sure how time had flown by so quickly. I was done with college and thanks to my favorite professor, I now had a real job. The salary wasn't too bad and there was plenty of room for advancement. So, all in all, I was sitting pretty.

Then there was my love life. I had been "in love" for almost six years-the last two years of high school and then all through college. This included the big step of moving in together during my sophomore year of college. Charlie wasn't happy about the new situation, but he didn't put up too much of a fuss. After all, Charlie had known him for many years and really liked him. Maybe that was why I stayed so long. Everyone assumed we would end up together, so I allowed it to happen.

In high school, our entire group of friends started pairing up, and we were the only two left. It was easy and comfortable, so I stayed. Except now I knew I wanted more. The more I watched Alice and Jasper, or even Emmett and Rosalie, the more I knew that what we had was not love. It was friends with benefits, at least on my end. Don't get me wrong, he treated me as a gentleman should, but I didn't think that was what I wanted. I wanted a true, deep, blinding love-the kind where I couldn't breathe when he left the room, one that would let me know withhout a doubt that I was with my soul mate. I didn't have that now.

I sat in the dark apartment drinking beer and asking myself what could be the worst that could happen? I would be fine on my own. I had a good job, great friends…I would be fine. With that thought, I picked up my cell and called Alice.

"Bella, I was just about to call you. Are you ok? I didn't like the look on your face when you left lunch. Are you still worrying about this decision?"

"Yes, I just don't want to hurt anyone. I know that he deserves someone who will love him with all of her heart and I can't say that I do. Also, what about our group? I don't want you guys to be stuck in the middle and having to choose sides. I mean you are all friends with him as well. I don't want this to be awkward. I just think it is time for me to move on and give him the chance to do the same. All those years of watching my mom move from guy to guy has showed me that I want something more than that. I love him, but I just don't think he is my soul mate. Lately, he seems more distant, so maybe it is what he wants also. Who the hell knows with him? He isn't one to share his feelings." Alice, I knew, would see my side and support me on this decision. She always did.

"Bella, you are my girl, and you always will be. It will be awkward for a while, but we are all adults so we can deal. I promise that all of us will be behind you, and it will be fine. Do what you need to do." I breathed a small sigh, knowing that I was going to be ok. No matter how this ended up, I had Alice.

"Well, see, the one problem I can't figure out is a big one, and see, well… that is where I need your help." I hesitated, hating to use Alice or her connections, but she had a way of making things happen like no one else I knew.

"Spit it out, Bella. What do you need?" She loved it when I was in these types of situations, she knew I needed her help.

"Well, this is his apartment and I can't very well break up with him and ask him to move out. So that leaves me out on the street. And that, my dear, is where you come in. I need you to help me find a new place, and cheap is the only requirement. So can you help?" I bit my fingernail, knowing this might be a problem for Alice.

"Bella, of course, you silly girl. I will make a few calls and see what I can come up with. I'll let you know. Are you going to meet us tomorrow for drinks?" If only I could bottle her never-ending optimism and energy, we'd both be multi-billionaires.

"Yeah, I will, but not for long. I need to start packing; I would like to have it done before he comes back into town, which you know will make things easier for us both. That means I will need the apartment soon also. Do you think that will be a problem?" I could hear Jasper in the background calling for Alice.

"Nah, I know enough people. Don't you worry your pretty little head. You do need to find a little money in your budget for shopping. I can't give up shopping with you, Bella, I just can't." I groaned. No one liked shopping as much as Alice. I was sure that my closets would be ok if my budget required me to cut back a little on the shopping trips.

"Alice, you know I don't really like to shop, right? So I am sorry if my singleness causes you to have to shop with someone else, but I am ok with that." She snorted and clicked her tongue at me as if she was scolding a small child. I laughed at her.

"Bella, you wound me. Got to go! Jasper is here." I could hear Jasper kissing her and she snickered.

"Bye, Alice, see you tomorrow." I was in no mood to hear the two of them make out, especially right now, given the state of my love life. I sat down on the ottoman and tried to tell myself life was okay. I said it about twenty times, but I was not sure even I bought it completely.

I was glad Alice was in Seattle with me, but on days like this, I was glad she went to art school and not the traditional route all the rest of us took. I wasn't sure I could take the pixie 24/7.

The office was the room that had the least amount of stuff. So I decided to start there. I knew I needed to get a head start on packing if I was going out tomorrow night. I was done with the office in about 40 minutes. I went into the bedroom and started packing up my books. I knew that would take some time, as a lit. major, I had a lot of books. I never went anywhere without my books so packing them made this decision seem real and final.

By ten, I was tired and out of boxes, so I headed to bed. I knew he would call soon for our nightly talk. I should just tell him. I could be packed and gone by the time he returned. But I couldn't do that to him. I loved him, while not enough to marry him, I did love him, and telling him over the phone was out of the question.

As I was stepping out of the shower, I heard my cell ring. I wrapped myself in a towel and headed for the bed to grab it.

"Hello." I knew who was calling, but I couldn't greet him in my usual manner.

"Well, hello beautiful. How was your day?" he asked softly in the phone. I could tell this was a tough day for him, he sounded tired.

"Fine, how did your meeting go?" I couldn't stop my heart from feeling like I had not done enough to make this work for us. I shook off the thought that was not going to help me stay resolved about the decision I had already made.

"Oh, well, you know it was just ok. Nah, just kidding. I rocked and totally looked like a superstar."

"Well, aren't we just a little sure of ourselves?" I giggled, amazed at how fast we could fall into our routine with each other.

"Yeah, probably, but the meeting did go well. So what is it like to finally be out of school?" I could hear him getting ready to climb into bed.

"Well, sort of boring. I am so used to the schedule and being busy. I think it will help when I start working. Then I will be busy, so I won't have to think about not being busy."

"When do you start?" His was voice full of excitement. He was happy that I was happy. That killed me, knowing that he was a great man and I was going to break his heart.

"I start in two weeks, so I have plenty of time to get settled. I am kind of excited. I have waited for this job for so long, and now I am finally an adult and working. I feel like my life is finally starting." I almost mentioned my new apartment, but that would start the discussion that I wanted to have in person, so I hoped that I covered the mess up.

"I know, Bella. I am so proud of you. Uhmm, I have to go. I won't be able to call you tomorrow, so I will call you before I get on the plane. Sleep well, sweet Bella."

"Same to you. I will talk to you on Thursday. Call and let me know if your flight is delayed so I will know when to pick you up."

"Ok, love you."

"Love you, too"

I hung up, no longer tired. How could I continue this deception for three more days? I felt like I was being cruel. I laid there for several hours trying to find reasons to stay. No reasons popped into my head. So I got up and started to sort through more stuff to pack.

I must have fallen asleep on the couch because that was where I woke up. After I changed and grabbed some coffee, I stopped to get more boxes to continue packing what wouldn't fit.

As I was leaving the building, my cell rang. It was playing Alice's ringtone. I fished it out of my bag and answered it.

"Hello." Even at this hour, the pixie was full of energy. I swear she was either a vampire that never slept, or she had a trick up her sleeve that gave her vast amounts of constant energy.

"Bella, are you sitting down?" she asked, jumping on the other end of the phone.

"Why do I need to be sitting? What have you done? Now you are scaring me."

"What you asked me to do. I found the perfect building for you. It was once a girl's home, and it has four bedrooms upstairs, each with its own bathroom. There's a formal dining room, living room, study, and a huge kitchen downstairs. You are so going to love it. What do you think?" her voice rising in octaves the longer she spoke. The last sentence was spoken so that only dogs could hear her.

"Well, who would be my roommates, and how far from work is it? Most importantly, how much is this great place?" I wanted to be carried away with excitement, but I was scared that this was a trick and I was not going to be able to find a place for myself.

"The rent will be split between two couples and yourself, and work is about 20 minutes away. I think you will like your roommates. Do you want to meet them and see the place?"

"Yeah, when?"

"What are you doing right now?"

"I am just grabbing coffee and some more boxes."

"Ok, I will be there in 10 minutes. Wait out front for me, and, Bella, have a mocha latte for me. Ok?"

"Sure, Alice, my real estate guru. Anything for you." If Alice had truly pulled this off, I would hand deliver her a mocha latte everyday for the rest of her life.

True to her word, she was out front in 10 minutes. And true to mine, I had a latte for her. I hopped in and handed her the coffee.

"Alright let's get this show on the road. Let's see your magical place." I must have sounded skeptical because she scoffed at me and made this phlegm noise in the back of her throat.

"Bella, don't make fun. I worked real hard to find this for you, might I add." She pouted, and I felt guilty for not even saying thanks for her hard work.

"I was only calling it magical because you seemed to pull it out of thin air. I promise I really appreciate this. I am not making fun of you or the place. If I like it, when can I move in?" I said the last part with some enthusiasm.

"That's the great part. Today." She was bouncing in her seat.

"Well, that would suit my moving schedule." I was stunned that this really seemed to be working out for me. Maybe this was a sign that I was doing the right thing.

"Bella, I wanted to talk to you about that. Are you sure you want to tell him as soon as he gets back in town? And then he is going to go home and see that you have already moved out. Are you sure that is wise?" She voiced the concern that I knew she had been holding back for a few days now. I was glad to get this out in the open so I could convince her and myself that this was the best way-again.

"Yes, for my peace of mind that is exactly what I should do. I have made up my mind and I don't want to waste any time feeling guilty. I am doing this for me. How often have you told me to worry about me and not everyone else's feelings? Well, I am finally taking your advice."

"Ok, you are right. Do what you need to do and I will be there for you."

And then we turned into the driveway. It reminded me of the Cullen's driveway back in Forks. It was a long tree-lined drive, and it opened up to the most beautiful clearing. It had a large open lawn, plenty of space to entertain and enjoy. Off to the far side was a beautiful flower garden area. The previous renters must have been flower people; it was overflowing with all colors and sizes of flowers. And right in the middle was a large two-and-a-half story Victorian-style house. It had a large porch that wrapped around on the right side of the house and beautiful stained glass windows. On the left side of the house, there was a circular room, very reminiscent of a turret on a castle. I was sure that Esme would know the exact term for this room, but I had no idea what it was called. I assumed this was the study area that Alice was talking about. The house was painted a beautiful moss green and had a brown roof as well as brown accents. It blended with the wooded landscape perfectly. All of the rooms had several large picture windows, which made it so easy to enjoy the view.

All in all, it seemed perfect; I couldn't believe that I could live here. I was waiting for the problem to present itself. With my luck, anything this good had to come with a huge problem.

Alice was beaming as she pulled in front of the large garage added to the back of the house. She looked like the cat that ate the canary. I knew she was keeping something from me, but I knew not to ask; she would reveal her secret in due time.

She led me around to the front of the house and opened the door. She stepped aside and waited for me to enter. I was taken aback by the beautiful wooden staircase and accents. This truly was a dream come true. I was taking it just for the woodwork alone; I didn't care what my room looked like.

Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper stepped out of the room on the left and joined us in the foyer. I was surprised to see them all, and quickly offered my hello. I moved to hug Carlisle and Esme; I didn't know they were in town visiting. It had been at least two years since I had seen either of them.

Carlisle started talking first. "Bella, why don't you join us in the dining room and we can talk first. Is that ok?"

"Of course," I replied, confused as hell.

They all immediately started towards the back of the house, so I followed. I was not sure why they seemed to know where the dining room was. Maybe Alice came and did a preview before she called me about the place.

They all took a seat at the table and I followed, Carlisle took the seat at the head. I looked from person to person seated at the table, hoping someone would tell me what was going on. I focused on Emmett. He was unable to keep a secret, so I was hoping he would crack and tell me what was going on. He didn't. He did smile at me with a look of anticipation. Now I was confused.

Carlisle cleared his throat and I turned to look at him. He began speaking before I could question him.

"Bella, Alice found this place for you to stay. What do you think?" Carlisle was almost as important to me as my father was. I often went to him for advice and help. He and Esme both treated me like I was their child.

"I think I died and went to heaven. It is beautiful. I am waiting for all of the details. I am sure there will be a deal breaker, so I am waiting before I get excited about living here." I laid it out on the table, still unsure why I was in a Cullen family meeting with them about my new apartment.

Carlisle began in his soothing voice. "Well, I can tell you that there will not be a deal breaker. Alice came to me about four months ago and we talked about trying to find a place for everyone to live, now that you are all finished with college. We all agreed that a large house made more sense than several smaller ones. So we have been on the hunt for a house like this for a while. I purchased this house for all of them. Now that Alice informs me of your situation, I think that the best solution is for you to stay here with them as well. We agreed that the rent and all of the utilities would be split evenly. I am thinking that we can split it six ways and each person will pay their share. That makes it affordable for all of you to live in a nice place, as well as safe for the girls. That is most important for me." He turned to meet all of our eyes before he continued. "I do like that all three of you will be here with the boys and not in some small apartment with undesirable neighbors. So if this is ok with you, can we start moving in your stuff?" He was focusing on me again.

I nodded vigorously. It was so much more than I could imagine for myself. First, I would be in a safe, affordable place. Second, I would be with my best friends. What more could I ask for? "It is more than ok with me. I don't know what to say, thank you. I really appreciate it; I was so afraid of rent costs and where I was going to have to live. Ok, Alice, now I am excited."

Everyone began to show their excitement with me.

"Bella, we are going to have a few minor repairs done, so there will be a little work being done on the house while you are moving in. I am sorry, and at first you will be here by yourself. Jasper and Alice's lease doesn't expire until the end of next month, and Rose and Emmett's expires in three weeks. So for three weeks, you will be alone. I am sure you can stay with either couple if you don't want to be alone for that long here at the house." Carlisle offered.

"No, I am fine. I will be ok until they all join me. I don't know how to thank you all. It is perfect and I promise to cook every night for all of you!" I was almost jumping in my spot, I was so excited. I couldn't believe that I had gotten so lucky; I had great friends and now a great house.

The three of us girls ran upstairs to claim our bedrooms. The second floor already had its renovations completed, so each bedroom had its own bathroom. The bedrooms were each the same size and had a beautiful modern bathroom. I chose the bedroom that faced the front of the house on the right of the stairs and Alice and Rosalie both chose the bedrooms that were facing the back of the house. That left the bedroom beside me free. I was happy that I wouldn't be woken up in the middle of the night by amorous roommates. All four of these people were like my brothers and sisters, so it went without saying that I didn't want any mental pictures, let alone sounds.

I met Carlisle again at the bottom of the stairs and he took me back to the kitchen. Esme followed us in and she began to explain that this was the last room to get any updates. She wanted my opinion on a few things since I would be the main one to use it. I couldn't believe the beautiful designs she showed me. I gave her my opinions on each and she agreed to talk to the contractor. We thought that we should combine two of her designs and keep the cabinets from the last design. The contractor would get started on Monday, so for the three weeks I would be here alone, he would be there working on the kitchen as well.

With all of the details finalized, I headed back with Alice and she dropped me off at my apartment. I carried all of my boxes upstairs and began packing in earnest. Emmett promised to come by and help me load all of the boxes in my truck tomorrow. I packed everything from the living room, dining room, and the few things I had in the kitchen by the time Alice called to say she would be picking me up in an hour and a half to go get some drinks. I was happy that all I had left to pack was the bedroom and bathroom stuff. I was glad most of the stuff in the apartment stayed, because it was his. I didn't think I could live in a new place seeing all of the things we shared together. I wasn't sure that would be moving on, more like torturing myself. I definitely was happy that I was only taking my stuff with me. I was already tired and would never survive packing the whole apartment.

I headed to the bathroom to shower and change before Alice showed up. If I wasn't finished when she arrived, she would come up and then I would have to let her dress me up and do all sorts of other things I didn't want to do. So I hurried and was finished with 20 minutes to spare.

I waited for Alice at the street. She flew down the street in her bright yellow Porsche like a super hero. She loved the attention that her car brought to her. The looks that the car drew embarrassed me. I liked my old truck better. My old truck was on its last leg, so I didn't drive it much. The new living arrangements would make a new car possible so much faster; I had another reason to thank Alice.

I hopped in and she took off down the street. We met up with Emmett, Rose and Jasper at Montoya. It was the new dinner/dancing place that we all loved. It felt strange to be here alone, not having anyone to cuddle or dance with. I felt like an outsider for the first time with the group. I pushed those thoughts aside and just enjoyed dinner.

Later, when the dancing started, Emmett and Jasper took pity and took turns dancing with me. I was having a great time and I was again hopeful for the future.

When I got home, I noticed someone had left a message on my phone. I opened it and dialed my voicemail.

"Hey, Bella, sorry. I know I told you I wouldn't be able to call tonight. I am in the alley outside the restaurant waiting for the others to finish dinner. I just wanted to talk to you. I feel like something is up with you. If you're stressed, this may not be the best time, but I have something I want to talk to you about. I will call you tomorrow afternoon before I board the plane. Sleep tight, sweet Bella."

I had to sit down, his message took the wind out of me. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to face him and tell him my news. I wasn't sure if he felt the same or if he would be taken by surprise. I never wanted to hurt him; I only wanted the best for him. And I knew I didn't love him with the passion he deserved, so I had to let him go. I had to find my soul mate. Feeling a tear slip down my cheek, I knew it wasn't going to be easy.

I headed off to bed. I had plenty to think about before my trip to the airport and then the big discussion.

I slept very well considering everything I had on my mind. Usually, I was bothered by insomnia when I had this much flying around in my head. Maybe that was a sign that I was making the right decision.

I was packing my bag of stuff I would need when I heard Emmett's ringtone. 'Me so horny' cracked me up every time.

"Hey, Em, what's up?" I tried to talk around the bagel in my mouth, knowing Emmett would be able to interpret what I was saying.

"Bella, you ready? I got Jasper with me, so we should be able to finish real quick. That way we have time to drive you to the house and help you unpack there as well. Get your ass in gear 'cause we will be there in about 10 minutes. Do you have coffee?" He was able to understand and respond just like I knew he would.

"No, Emmett, no coffee. You better bring your own, sorry. I'm ready so hurry up." I answered.

Jasper and Emmett both had my stuff loaded within an hour, so we started off to the new house. The unloading went fairly quickly as well. I had them put all my stuff in my room so I could sort it out later. When they left, I sat on a box and stared at the room that would begin my new life. A profound thought occurred to me and I called Alice.

"Hey, I am here at the house. Can you pick me up?"

"Yeah, I assumed that is where you would be. Where are we going?" I was not sure why she questioned me; she was always up for shopping.

"I need to shop for a bed. I don't have my own and I can't very well take his. So I need one."

"Oh, didn't think of that. Yeah, I will pick you up in 25 minutes."

Alice and I entered the store and she immediately found a salesman that could help me. He showed me around and explained what to look for in a good bed. After laying on several, I finally made my choice. I paid and asked about the delivery. He had a man that could deliver it today, but it would cost extra. The delivery fee was a small price to pay to not have to sleep on the floor tonight. With that done, we left the store to wait for my new bed.

Alice stayed with me so I could shower while we waited for the bed to be delivered. By the time I stepped out of the shower and dressed to head to the airport, the men had delivered and set up my bed.

I was a nervous wreck and she knew I would want to come home and get right into bed when this was over, so she had the bed looking like something out of a catalog for me.

Alice dropped me off at the apartment so I could pick up his car. He much preferred his newer car to my old truck and would probably want to drive it back from the airport. His flight arrived right on time and I hugged him as he stepped off the escalator. He held my hand as he grabbed his bags and we headed to the parking lot. I could feel the cold sweat of my hand blending with his warm skin.

"Bella, is everything ok? You seem kind of different tonight." He always knew when my emotions were out of control and how to soothe them.

"No, I am fine. I just have a lot on my mind. I hope you don't mind, but we are going straight to the restaurant to eat. I have to talk to you and I want to get in before the dinner rush." I hoped my attempt at distraction was enough to pull him from his former train of thought.

"Yeah, that is great. I skipped lunch to get back here early enough for us to have time together tonight. So dinner is perfect. You look great, by the way." My knees went weak when he looked directly in my eyes as he said the last part.

He placed his hand on the small of my back and followed me to his car. I usually loved the way he made me feel special and protected. Tonight it just made me feel simple. Like I couldn't find my own way to the car I had parked. I think it was my nerves playing with my mind.

As I suspected, he opened the passenger door for me and allowed me to sit, then he closed it and headed around to the driver's side. He effortlessly drove us to the restaurant, seemed like everything he did was effortless. We drove in silence. It was like he knew this was big and was allowing me to prepare for it. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, but I felt guilty knowing what was coming.

When we arrived at the restaurant, he allowed the valet to park and entered with me. We were escorted to our table and it was perfect. I had asked for a private booth when I made reservations, and they had delivered for me.

Our waitress came over and introduced herself. I noticed that her eyes stayed a bit too long on him. I rolled my own. Did she really not see me here with him? Why did this always happen? We both ordered wine and she left.

He took my hand in his and said, "Honey, go ahead and tell me what you need to say. I can see that it is worrying you."

I stiffened. I knew it needed to be done, but I was now afraid to say the words out loud.

"Well, while you were gone, I spent a lot of time thinking. Everything is topsy-turvy right now and I am starting quite a few new experiences. I am a little scared, but excited at the same time. I also spent a lot of time thinking about you and me. We have been together for a long time, and I know we have had many great memories. It's just that I love you very much, but I don't think I am in love with you." I bit my lip and waited to see what his reaction would be. He took his wine glass, took a large drink and then nodded at me to continue. "You deserve someone who is totally in love with you. Madly, passionately in love with you. And that is not me. If we stayed together, it would not be fair to you, and I am sorry that it took me so long to figure this out. I never meant to hurt you. I am sorry in so many ways. I am sorry that I don't feel as strongly as I should about you. You are a perfect man and I don't deserve you. Please don't be angry with me." I finished and looked at the tablecloth; I couldn't face the emotions radiating from his eyes. His eyes always betrayed him; windows to his soul, indeed.

"Bella, I am shocked to hear this from you. But I would be lying if I said I haven't had the same thoughts as well. I noticed the spark was missing a few months back. I didn't want to say anything then; I wanted to wait until you were finished with school. I didn't want to put any extra stress on you at finals time. We just settled into this comfortable routine and never looked back. I feel like we have drifted apart somehow. I know that we were in love in high school, but I think we have grown up. Unfortunately, I think when we grew, it was apart. Besides, I think our family wanted this more than you or I did. I need you to know that I could never be angry with you. I actually wanted to tell you the same thing. We have so many good memories and I will always be a good friend to you, but I agree. We shouldn't be more than friends. Maybe we shouldn't have tried so hard back in high school to be a couple. But I don't regret the time we were together. Are you ok? What will you do? Do you want to stay in the apartment? I can find somewhere to stay. Why don't you just keep it?" That was true to his gentleman form, always looking out for me and my needs.

"No, I am fine. I talked to Alice when I made my decision and she helped me find a place. The four of them are buying a house and I can stay with them. The house has four bedrooms so there is plenty of room. I feel strange talking about this with you." I smiled sheepishly and ducked my head.

"Bella, it's ok. Sometimes this happens. We'll both be fine. I am glad you will be with the four of them. It makes me feel better knowing that you have Em and Jas to protect you and the girls to do stuff with. Besides, sharing rent will be helpful for you. You know, since you are just starting your job." He looked lost in his thoughts. He didn't say anything for a while, processing things. "I didn't know they were buying a house. The last time I spoke with Alice, she never said anything about it. I guess I am more out of the loop than I thought. I can help you move your stuff over if you would like. I will go and stay somewhere else tonight, that way it won't be uncomfortable for us."

"No, it's cool. I had Jasper and Emmett to help me move my stuff this morning. I needed to go on over to the house and I figured this would be easier if it was done by the time you got back. I wasn't sure what kind of reaction I was going to get from you, so I did it before I lost my courage." His face formed a frown at my revelation.

"You weren't afraid of my reaction, were you? Did you think I would take this badly and cause trouble? I hope you know me better than that. I would never do anything to hurt you. Please tell me you know that and that I haven't scared you." His eyes pleaded with me to let him know that I knew he was never that kind of a man.

"No, no, that isn't what I meant. I just thought that I would take you by surprise and you would need time to adjust to it. I know you are not the angry type. I just thought that the hurt would be easier if I didn't have to move out in front of you."

"Oh, well, you have a good point. Sorry, I didn't mean to imply the worst. Uhmm, can I ask you a question?" He hesitated, causing me to worry about what he wanted to know.

"Sure, of course you can." I answered.

"Is there someone else for you?" He looked away from me when he asked.

"No, there is no one else. I promise. Is there anyone else for you?" I suddenly needed to know if this was the reason he wanted this info from me.

"No, not for me either."

The waitress came and took our plates, offering us dessert.

Our ride was silent except for me relaying directions to him. In no time, we were at the house. I hesitated when he stopped in the driveway. I turned towards him and leaned in to kiss him. He held up his hand to stop me and opened his door. He came around to my side and opened the door for me. Holding my hand to help me out of the car, he pulled me against him and looked into my eyes.

"Bella, you are incredible. I feel like I owe you an apology for not loving you enough. I am really sorry that we didn't work out. I know I would be happy with you. But like you, I want you to have a life with your soul mate. Make sure he takes care of you and loves you with all of his heart, or I will come and find him. Just promise me that you will call me sometimes and not allow that awkwardness to creep into our friendship. I promise that we can be friends." With that, he leaned down and kissed me on my lips. He hugged me tightly and walked me up the stairs to the door. I turned to look at him and felt a small tear escape from my eye. He wiped it away with his thumb and kissed my cheek. Turning and walking down the stairs, he went to his car. I stood on the porch and watched him drive down the driveway. I felt like I should be sad, but I really wasn't – not in the sobbing uncontrollably way. I was sad that something with the potential to be so great was over. But not devastated. In fact, I felt the happiness that comes when you are at a crossroads and you start off in a new direction. The possibility of new things was making me giddy. I gave one last look over my shoulder and whispered, "I love you and I wish you the best."

I was still thinking about how he handled the breakup as I got ready for bed. It felt so strange yet really exciting to be on my own now. I had never been on my own. First I was with either of my parents and then I moved into his apartment. This was all mine. I knew I was going to be living with all of my friends, but it was still my first time alone. I silently went back to my new bed and grabbed my phone. I dialed Alice's number and climbed into bed. She answered on the first ring.

"Hey, are you ok?" she asked without hesitation.

"Surprisingly, yes, I am fine. It turns out that he was feeling the same way and had made plans to tell me also. He wanted to wait until I had finished finals, and then his trip came up. So he took it well and that makes me feel better. To know he wants more than just ok, he wants perfect as well. It makes me not feel so crazy for leaving him to find what might not exist, you know?" Sometimes things that start out sounding so good end up being so bad for you. It was good to know that this was turning out to be ok and not the worst decision of my life.

"Yes, I know. But you are definitely making the right decision for you. I am glad he is ok and not hurt," she offered. I knew that the group loved him and this would take a little adjusting to the different dynamic of the group, but we could get past this.

"He was sad. He said he didn't know everyone was buying a house. But he was glad for me being here. I don't know why everyone thinks that I can't take care of myself. If I wasn't so tired and mentally drained, I would be pissed off about that. But I am tired, so I will talk to you tomorrow, ok?"

"Sure, I am glad it went well," she murmured.

"Me too, Alice, me too. Night."

"Night, Bella."

I turned over on my side and faced my new window. I laid looking at the trees swaying in the gentle breeze and hoped that Jake was as ok as he said. I closed my eyes and whispered, "Thank you, Jacob Black, for loving me and letting me go when it was time. I closed my eyes to go to sleep.

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**A/N: Did you guess who she was breaking up with?**

**Go on and leave me some love. Let me know what you think, what you like, what you want to see in the story. Reviewers get the extra bedroom, so go on and review!**


	2. Chapter 2 Days Like This

**A/N: Thanks to those of you who sent reviews, now I see why so many stories beg for the reviews, it is nice to see what you did right or wrong. Thanks for being nice and gentle as I requested! I still need a beta so again, I am begging, if anyone is interested in helping a girl out...It would be greatly appreciated. **

**A great big thank you to Project Team Beta. I am sure that their eyes are crossed at my over use of commas! Thank you for cleaning up my mess and making it readable. You all are amazing!**

**Here is the playlist for this chapter, once again if you have a song let me know-cause I love music almost as I love seeing that small sliver of skin between Rpatz jeans and his shirt!**

**Days Like This-Van Morrison, All I Want to Do-Sugarland(when she sees Edward shirtless), Damn I Wish I was Your Lover- Sophie B. Hawkins(seing Edward), Blame It-Jamie Foxx(club), Use Somebody- KOL(club), Ghost-Parachute(in the car driving w/Edward), Yeah- Usher(club)**

**Once again I have lost my playlist for this chapter so there may be more that I forgot, I will add them as I remember!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it, if I did trust me the Isle Esme chapter of Breaking Dawn would have been much longer!!!**

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When it's not always raining, there'll be days like this

When there's no one complaining, there'll be days like this

Everything falls into place, like the flick of a switch

Well my Mama told me they'll be days like this

When you don't need to worry, there'll be days like this

When no one's in a hurry, there'll be days like this

When you don't get betrayed by that old Judas kiss

Well my Mama told me there'll be days like this

When you don't need an answer, there'll be days like this

When you don't meet a chancer, there'll be days like this

When all the parts of the puzzle start to look like they'll fit

Then I must remember there'll be days like this

**Van Morrison- Days Like This**

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Chapter 2- Days Like This

Carlisle called me first thing in the morning. He wanted to let me know that Esme had talked to John, the contractor. He would be over a little after 10 to start the kitchen demolition. I was so excited about getting a new kitchen. Esme wanted to shop for appliances later. She would call back when she was free to head out. When I was finished talking with Carlisle, I called Rosalie. I knew she would want to know about last night with Jacob.

"Hello?" She sounded groggy.

"Rosalie, you busy?" I always felt the need to ask, since Rose and Emmett were complete horn dogs. You never knew what they were up to.

"No Emmett left to go and play at a basketball tournament with Jasper about an hour ago. I am starving so why don't we call Alice and go grab some breakfast?" she suggested.

"Sounds good, I will meet you at Milly's in about 30 minutes?" I wanted my life to continue as usual. This ritual was certainly normal for me. We had met for breakfast there all throughout our college years, it was the cheapest meal to buy.

"Yeah, I will call Alice and go by and pick her up. She scares the hell out of me in that Porsche."Rosalie quipped, I laughed at that, to think little Alice could scare tough Rosalie. Besides, she scared the hell out of me as well.

"Hey, hurry I have to be back here by 10 to meet the contractor so that he can get started with demolition." I was excited about the new kitchen. I would do whatever I needed to so that I didn't delay the progress.

"Oooh, sounds fun maybe we can all come back to see what our new kitchen demolition crew looks like," Rosalie offered.

"Ok, see you at Milly's." I flipped my phone shut and tried to decide what to wear.

We were all seated and had placed our orders in our 30 minute time frame. Esme had also called back. She wanted us all to come and help her shop for the appliances for the kitchen. She would be ready by 11, so we told her to meet us at the house.

With our planning out of the way Rosalie moved on to the real subject of the morning. She wanted details about last night.

"So are you going to tell me or what?" Rosalie sneered at me. She could even make a snort sound sexy.

"I picked him up at the airport and we went straight to dinner. He was quiet on the way to the restaurant, it was like he knew. When we got there they sat us in a booth in the back, you know, in the corner that is usually dark. He held my hand and told me to go ahead and tell him what was on my mind. So I told him, I said that I was sorry that I took so long to figure out that he wasn't my soul mate. I wanted to experience a deep passionate love, but the love I had for him wasn't the kind of love that made me yearn to spend the rest of my life with him. I admitted that I tried harder to make something happen with him because he was such a good friend and he was safe, so to speak. I told him I didn't want to be a third wheel, so I tried to force something between us. He said he understood, and he had been planning to talk to me about the same thing. He agreed that we were great friends but he didn't think that we should be together anymore. We both admitted that there was no one else, this was just about us. He offered to move out of the apartment and then he offered to help me move my stuff when I told him about the house. He was a little hurt when he found out about the house. I told him I didn't know before yesterday either. He made me promise that we could be friends without any weirdness, and I agreed. He drove me back to the house and let me out. And that was it. I was so thankful to hear that he felt the same as I did. I was so sure that I was just flipping out about being done with school and having to move on. It made me realize I had a true and valid point. So that's what happened."

"How in the hell do you get the easy break-up? All the break-ups I have had were terrible awful events, with lots of screaming and yelling. If Em and I broke up, I am not sure one of us would walk away. But you just do it quietly in a restaurant full of people and then he drives you home. Bella, you are one of a kind." Rosalie flipped her hair over her shoulder and started eating her pancakes.

"Rosalie, you have only had one break-up and you were in junior high then. Everything in junior high involves yelling and screaming. You can't base Bella and Jake on you in junior high. I think they handled it correctly, and I am glad that he was ready for it as well. That keeps anyone from getting hurt, because I don't think I can handle any crying messes in the middle of a promotion, moving and everything else, " Alice squealed the last bit of info at Rose and I, the excitement was almost lifting her up off of the seat she was in.

"You got a promotion?" Both Rosalie and I shouted at the same time.

"Yes, it is a small one, but major in the grand scheme of things. I am now the Junior Designer for Junior/Misses line that the company is now designing. So yeah, I got a promotion!"she squealed at us.

"Alice that is huge, I am so glad for you. Now start bringing us some of those samples home so we can benefit from your promotion. We're poor starving college students, you remember that." Rosalie nudged Alice's shoulder to emphasize the point. Alice just chuckled. I shook my head.

"Rosalie, Alice knows we're not starving students anymore. But Alice you can still bring us stuff home, we would both be appreciative of anything." I said as I stuffed my mouth with French toast. Alice just smiled and nodded her head.

"I'm just glad we're all together and out of school. Man, can I just say that if I had several more years of that shit I would pull my hair out? I don't know how Edward does it, he is only Half finished. Now he has to start his residency. Then, because we all know how Edward is, he will want to specialize so he has ,what, 40 years before he is done?" Rosalie spat with indifference. Although Rosalie was a believer of higher education, she didn't see the point in the amount of higher education that Edward wanted.

"Edward is following his dream just like the rest of us. Yes, it is just like Edward to pick a dream that makes him study and suffer for a few extra years, but he is happy so leave him alone Rose." Alice and Edward always were the closest of the five of them. She took it the hardest when he left and went across the country for college. He wanted to be able to focus and apply himself, so he said. Running from Tanya was probably more like it, but who can say what was in that head of his.

"Has anyone heard from Edward? I haven't seen or talked to him since Christmas. I asked. Edward and I were always friends but Tanya managed to keep all girls at arm's length from him so we never developed a friendship like I did with all of the others. I really liked Edward. He had a great sense of humor and always got my jokes.

Alice and Rosalie both shook their heads.

"We should ask Esme when we meet her later. She would know." I said as I glanced at the time. I realized that we only had twenty minutes to finish eating and meet John back at the house. I took one last drink of orange juice and grabbed my purse.

"Girls, let's head out or we will miss our demo crew. We wouldn't want to suffer the wrath of Esme. You know how she gets when her schedule is not followed, no one wants that."I reminded them, truth be told I wanted to be there for myself just as much for Esme. I couldn't wait to cook a meal in the new state of the art kitchen.

After a small argument, Rosalie agreed to let Alice drive home. This was the one time I was thankful that Alice was driving because she always drove like a bat out of hell. After all we needed to be at the house on time.

Between John and Esme, we had our new dream kitchen planned out. John and his crew started on demolition as we cleared the area. We were not the demolition kind of girls. We were the shopping kind of girls. Alice wasn't as happy since it was only kitchen appliances and cabinets, but she finally conceded that shopping was shopping.

When we arrived back home, there was a moving van in our driveway. We all looked at each other for answers. No one seemed to know who was responsible. I was afraid Jacob was up to something, but held that fear inside. Esme parked in front of the garage and we all walked around to the front of the house. Alice peeked inside the truck. The boxes offered no clue as to an identity.

The front door snatched open. Emmett, Jasper and Edward came stumbling out, they were shoving and punching each other. All shirtless and sweating, might I add. Holy Mary Mother of God, the Cullen boys grew up just fine. I had seen Jasper and Emmett shirtless many times. However, when you take in the group of them together, it was too much for a poor girl's body to take. Edward especially, it had been too long since I had seen him, obviously. He was too sexy for words. His awkward teen aged body stretched into a full set of muscles. His bronze hair had not changed at all, it was still very unruly, only now it fit him perfectly. He looked like sex in shoes. I wanted to run my hand along his abs and see where that slight patch of hair disappeared to beneath his shorts.

"Edward, damn why do you have to have such heavy furniture? You couldn't go the traditional college dorm stuff? You always amaze me." Emmett was complaining. Jasper was just chuckling and gave Edward a light shove. They all three looked up at us at the same time.

Alice and Rosalie both squealed like little girls, and jumped to hug Edward. He looked happy. He had a huge grin on his face. It lit up his features and made his eyes sparkle.

"Gross! Edward you are soaking wet. A little warning would have been nice, jerk." Rosalie slapped him on the back of his head and Alice landed a punch to the stomach. He just laughed.

Our eyes met and he smiled again.

"Bella, why don't you want to come and give me a hug?"He smirked and raised an eyebrow at me.

I just stood rooted to my little spot on the front porch. I couldn't even make my mind move my feet. I shook my head and realized that everyone was looking at me.

"Hell no, Edward. I learn from others mistakes, you are sweaty and gross, " I said as I moved towards him to slap him on the shoulder.

"Whatever, you know you want to." He stuck his tongue out at me. "So what is the brat pack up to today?" he asked the three of us.

"We were having breakfast and picking out kitchen stuff with Esme. I, uhm, I can't wait to use the new kitchen; it is going to be a dream." I was having trouble talking to Edward with his shirt off.

"Yeah, Dad told me that you are moving in with us, so when will you be in?" He asked.

"Well actually, I moved in yesterday. I broke up with Jake and needed a place to stay, so here I am. I am the waiting on the other slackers to get their act together and join me. What about you, I take it by the boxes that you are moving in with us. When did you get here? We were talking about you at breakfast. We were wondering what you were up to." Great my verbal filter was no longer working. I should just go ahead and reveal everything to him. He hasn't even been here 10 minutes. What is it about Edward that has me blubbering like a school girl? I've seen half naked, sexy men before. Change that to really, really sexy.

Esme saved him from answering. She came through the front door and grabbed him. He turned and gave her a hug, and she had the same reaction as the other two, disgust. She smacked his arm.

Watching Edward with his family was nice. When he dated Tanya, he wasn't quite himself. Almost like he was afraid to show her who he really was.

"Edward , I have to work. Now I will have to go and change before my meeting. When did you get here?" she asked as she tried to wipe the offending sweat off of her.

"This morning, I called Em and Jaz to come and help me unpack. The lazy bums made me buy them breakfast before they would do any work. Can you believe that?" We all chuckled. Emmett requires food before he can do any type of activity, so it made sense.

"Hey, Edward needed a break from driving. He had been in that truck for several days. I was looking out for my brother!" Emmett was trying to sound sincere, but it only came out as a whine. With that comment we all broke into a full laugh.

Esme kissed Edward on the cheek as she spoke to him. "I am glad you are here. Now I have you all in one place. No more worrying about my long lost son. I have to get to work. All of you come for dinner tomorrow night, okay?" She looked at each of us in turn. All of the others were shaking their heads in affirmation. I was looking downward.

"Bella, that includes you also. You have been with us as long as the rest of them. So I guess that makes you one of my kids as well. So are you in?" Esme asked me, as all the others turned to see what my response would be.

"Sure, if you are sure you all want me there," I stuttered.

They all groaned in unison, so I smiled and nodded at Esme. She walked away as we headed back inside.

"So how much more do you have to bring in?" Alice asked Edward.

"Nothing else. All of this is going to the storage room until they are done with the downstairs. Then this can come back if we need it. So boys let's take this stuff over and then we can get rid of this truck, and shower. I have two months of vacation before I start my residency and I am going to celebrate. What do you think?" His enthusiasm was contagious and we all agreed. Of course we didn't need very much of a reason to go and celebrate.

Alice clapped her hands and Rosalie joined in. I looked wary, but I was up for some fun. Emmett and Jasper were doing a happy dance that the work was almost over. The boys left to take care of the truck.

"Ok, Bella, let's go get you dressed up." Alice grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the steps.

"Alice, I can pick out my own clothes, I don't need help. Besides, where are we going?" I asked. Alice whipped out her phone and started dialing.

"Jaz, ask Edward where we are going tonight, I need to know how to dress Bella," she chirped into the phone at him.

She had him on speaker phone, so we could hear him ask Edward. And we could hear Edward's reply.

"Tell her to leave Bella alone, she dresses herself just fine," Edward stated in a matter of fact tone that made me blush.

"Alice, Edward said to leave her alone." Jasper repeated to Alice. He should have known better. Maybe he thought he was safe with his distance from the house.

"Yeah, I heard him. Tell him I said to mind his own business and tell me where we are going!" Alice took charge of the conversation.

"I heard you myself Ali and I am not sure. Where do you girls want to go?" Edward stepped in and tried to save Jasper from a full on war with Alice.

"Dinner at Zorba's and then dancing. How does that sound?" Alice asked.

"Ok, dinner at Zorba's and dancing. Dress Bella for that, but be nice to her, Alice." Alice was beaming at that statement. She hated it when we didn't take her suggestions. I was once again blushing at his comment.

"Thanks, Edward, I am glad at least one of you is reasonable to deal with." Alice flipped her phone closed.

She flipped through my closet like a mad woman. She stopped flipping when she found a pale pink sleeveless shirt. She laid it on the bed and then began searching again. This time she came out with a black wool flounce skirt. She laid it out on my bed beside the shirt and pushed me off towards the shower.

When I emerged from the shower, Rosalie set me down in a chair in the bathroom. She applied some stuff to my hair and began blow drying it. She put in some hot rollers and sat back to wait.

I took a deep breath, thinking all of the torture was over. Then Alice swept into the room and began applying makeup. She put some smoky gray eye shadow that made my eyes look sultry, and when the mascara was applied they seemed to become larger. All in all this was by far my favorite look Alice had ever created. She applied a little lip gloss and she was done.

Rosalie came back in to finish my hair. She pulled the hot rollers out and fluffed my hair with her fingers. She pulled it half way up away from my face. She left the length hanging down the back of my neck.

"Bella, the boys like to see a little neck, especially yours. It will drive them crazy when you dance. It's a good thing we have Emmett, Jasper and Edward around to ward off any strays that want to follow us home. We will keep you safe, my pretty!" And she rubbed her hands together and started laughing like the Wicked Witch of the West, or wait was it the East? Who cares, she did the voice well, I was sure we should be afraid of that.

I heard Edward's shower running, so he must have arrived back at the house.

Alice and Rosalie left to go and get dressed themselves. Thankfully they left us Rosalie's BMW to drive to the restaurant. Because I knew Edward wouldn't want to drive my beat up truck, and his Volvo was still at Carlisle and Esme's.

I came down stairs to appraise the kitchen, trying to kill time. I ran into Edward on the stairs, literally, and he threw out his arms to catch me. He saved me from falling backwards off of the stairs.

He laughed and I blushed. "Bella, I see some things never change."

"Hey, I am in four inch heels thanks to your sister. And I didn't see you here, so all in all I am much better than I was back in school," I replied, somehow I wanted Edward to see that things had changed since high school. Knowing that I cared what he thought scared me.

"Oh Bella, things are definitely different than high school. You are so different, not that you weren't great then. But the grown up Bella is as sexy as hell. Man, you clean up real nice. I am going to have to fight off the men all night, that is unless you want them." He took my hand and lifted it over my head and twirled me in a little circle so he could see me from every angle. As I completed the turn he wagged his eyebrow at me. I, of course, was blushing at his comment.

"No, I think I'm ok for now. Let's give it some time before I jump right back into another relationship. Thanks for the compliment though. If we don't get going we'll be late. Alice hasn't changed at all, and she will be so pissed off if we are late. Besides Emmett will make some sort of rude comment about what took us so long, he never let's shit like that go. " His stance was slightly possessive and it was nice to think he had any feelings what so ever for me.

Edward sighed and held his arm out for me proceed him downstairs. I wondered if he had planned this because I was sure I could feel him staring at my ass. So I did the only thing a girl could do…I made sure it swayed just the right way when I walked. A small groan passed from Edward's lips when I turned to look at him over my shoulder with a smile on my lips. He returned the smile but turned it into a smirk, as if to say 'game on!'

When Edward held the door for the car open for me, I wasn't sure if it was his manners or if he was trying to get a good look up my skirt. Lord knows Alice made it real easy on him, she couldn't have found one that was shorter. Usually I didn't like to dress like this. I was fairly conservative with my clothes, but with the looks that Edward gave me, it was making me rethink the whole process. I took my time folding my legs into the car, watching his face as he watched my legs. Yes I could definitely get used to this. He was mumbling something under his breath as he started the car. I just smiled at him

I felt like a princess when Edward held my hand and helped me out of the car. For the first time, I noticed how well his pants fit snugly across his fine ass. I allowed my hand to brush across his chest when I stood beside him, pretending I needed his help to gain my balance. His chest felt so warm and hard under my hand. He took my hand to steady me, pulling it up and giving it a small kiss across my knuckles.

"Bella, you look beautiful tonight," he said with his lips still pressed to the back of my hand.

"Thanks, Edward, you look pretty good yourself." And I leaned in and placed a small kiss on his cheek. I turned to see Alice and Jasper walking up to us, she must have seen the kiss because her mouth was hanging open. When we entered the restaurant Emmett and Rosalie were already seated at the table. The mood was light and fun as we all talked over dinner.

"So Bella, tell me about you and Jake breaking up, I thought you two would end up married with kids." Edward looked straight into my eyes and held my gaze. I swear he could make a woman loose all coherent thoughts with just his eyes. I shuddered to think what the rest of him could do to a woman. I cleared my head of the dirty thoughts and tried to answer him.

"Well, I just realized that while I did love him, it wasn't enough. I want a love that sets my soul on fire, not one that I just settle for. I think we tried too hard in high school we should have just stayed good friends. That's where we made the mistake to try to take it to the next level. Jake it turns out felt the same way, so we parted. I moved out and here I am." I waved my hand to indicate my current position at the table. "Alice called me and asked me to meet her to see this great place she had found. I was shocked to find everyone else there as well. Before I knew it Carlisle was asking me if I wanted to be roomies with all of these knuckle heads. Who could refuse that offer? Besides I really want to know about you. What's going on with you being here? We were just asking what you were up to and where you were going to go for your residency. None of us knew. Then all of the sudden you are at the house and moving in, so what gives with you?"

All conversation had stopped and everyone was waiting on Edward's answer. He was always so private with his thoughts that everyone wanted to see if he was going to answer.

"Well, I talked to Carlisle. He told me about the house, and I was so envious of all of you getting to live together. Besides I was all alone out there. So I called him back and asked him for recommendations on where I could do my residency. I think that four years on my own was enough. So here I am and you all are stuck with me now. I have already had more fun in one day than I can remember having the whole time I was away at school. So, now everyone close your mouths and eat. We have some dancing to do." He gave as much away tonight as he was going to reveal to us. With Edward sometimes the story comes out in small pieces. You just had to be patient enough to wait for him to trust you enough to tell you the whole story. But deep down inside I knew there was more to Edward's coming home story than he was saying. I scanned the table and met eyes with Alice. I could see her hesitancy in Edward's story as well.

Edward's attitude of happiness was seeping into each of us. We were more than ready to celebrate with him.

I rode to the club with Edward, so I could ask a few more questions without the rest of the group waiting to hear his answers. I was hoping with the dark intimacy of the car he would answer me honestly.

"Edward, wasn't it hard to pack up and move so far away from all of your family? Didn't that scare you at least a little?"I immediately glanced down at the car's floor boards to keep from meeting his gaze.

"Of course, but I figured that it was the time. After I came to live with Carlisle and Esme we all relied on each other to make us a home and make us happy. I loved that I had found a family with them, and brothers and sisters. But I needed to know if I could make it on my own. I took advantage of the split with Tanya. I decided that college was the time to do it. I loved it at first, but the longer I was there, the more I began to miss each member of my family for different reasons. Now that it was time to make a change anyway, I decided to come home. I really was envious of all of you being together. So here I am." I was surprised that he replied with so much honesty. Usually he joked his way through questions to keep from revealing the real answers. Or more like revealing the real emotions behind the answers.

"I am proud of you, you were the only one strong enough to go off and make it on your own. You did a great job, and I am glad you are home. It is probably very juvenile, but it does feel like we are in high school all over again. I can't wait for all of the others to move in. I love all of you, and I needed a family just like all of the rest of you did. Thanks for accepting me in your family."I blushed as I said this to Edward. I was sure he would think I was a sentimental crazy girl, but instead he reached over and grabbed my hand. He gave it a reassuring squeeze.

We didn't have any more time to talk because we had arrived at the club. Edward parked and came around to open my door. I could see his steady gait as he crossed the front of the car to help me out. I knew that it was going to be hard to live in the house with Edward. He was more of a man than I had ever seen. Every move he made was sexy. He again held my hand and helped me out.

For a brief moment I thought about flashing him my underwear, but I didn't want to start something with Edward. I knew that Edward was a love them and leave them kind of guy.

I didn't need that; I was on a mission to find my soul mate. Edward was definitely the kind that could break my heart. So I gave him a small smile instead. He returned the smile and placed his hand on the small of my back to guide me into the club. Somehow when he did this small gesture it felt right, and like he was flaunting me. Nothing like when Jake did it. Jake managed to make me feel simple and unable to take care of myself.

I wondered about the difference in the two men. I had known both for as long as I could remember. Both I felt certain considered me a part of their family. So how could the two be any different? If Jake wasn't my soulmate, how could Edward be either?

I was scared that I would end up alone, moving from man to man. Just like my mother, Renee. Did she make a mistake by not staying with Charlie? Did she give up her only chance at happiness? Living with Charlie had been easy enough when I was in high school. So what was so hard about it that she couldn't do it? Was I living with a curse of Renee's indecisions?

I knew that I needed to stop thinking about all of this and just start feeling it. Love was an emotion felt with the heart, not one that was thought about with the head.

Alice had secured us a large booth in the corner. We could see the dance floor and yet we were hidden from most of the club in this particular booth. I slid in beside Edward and wondered where Emmett and Rosalie had disappeared to. They were probably fucking in the car, so we could be waiting a long time for them. We all looked at each other and mentally agreed to start without them. They would show up when they were ready.

Edward waved over the cocktail waitress and she arrived without any delay. It was funny how the women always come running for Edward. She eyed him up and down, while asking, "What can I do for you?"

He turned to me and asked, "Bella, my love, what would you like to drink?"

"I would like a Screaming Orgasm, please." My eyes never left his as I batted my eyelashes at him. He smirked at me and turned back to the waitress.

"You heard the lady she wants a Screaming Orgasm, Alice what about you?"

"I'll have the same," she chirped.

I swear he winked at Jasper, and finished our orders. "The ladies will have two Screaming Orgasms, and 2 Jack and Cokes for us, please."

And with that she was gone.

I turned to Edward and asked, "Does that happen to you often?"

"What?" He feigned ignorance.

"Oh come on you didn't notice that you had her so dazzled that she almost stepped out of her panties right here for you?" Either he was so oblivious or he was way too cocky. I couldn't wait to find out which one.

"Bella, she is a waitress. She probably meets and goes home with a new guy each week. Hell each night, so why would she be special enough for me to want to spend any time with? I guarantee you that the ugliest guy in this room can give her a big enough tip and she will be all over him. There is no loyalty in places like this. Besides, there are a lot of diseases to be passed around in places like this. So no I didn't notice her," he replied to me, ok maybe he was way too picky.

Three things happened at once. Emmett and Rosalie arrived, a new song began playing, and Alice and Rosalie both began squealing about this being their song. So I was promptly pulled out onto the dance floor to dance with them. We danced together, staying close so no guys had the chance to cut in between us.

I almost never drank, so with the drinks from dinner I was feeling free. I was ready to cast off the shell of the former Bella and be the Bella I always wanted to be, a free, uninhibited, confident Bella. So I began this transformation by mimicking the dance moves that Alice and Rosalie were doing. I danced with my body in ways I never knew I could and I felt sexy. A feat I never knew was possible.

I felt Alice and Rosalie shift and move slowly apart to make room. I looked up to see Emmett, Jasper and Edward stalking towards us on the floor. I glanced around to see the girls again, suddenly nervous. They each had found their partner and were dancing in ways that were illegal in several states.

When I looked back up Edward was standing right in front of me. He was staring down at me, trying to catch my eyes. I immediately looked directly at him and was caught off guard by his soulful eyes. They held a little danger and some sadness right around the edges. It made me regret our distance and not knowing what had happened to him to cause that sadness in his eyes.

He leaned in close, his mouth ghosting along the side of my ear. His nearness and his cologne were causing heart palpitations. But I was gone when he whispered "Beautiful Bella, dance with me?" I was sure my heart stopped altogether. My inner girl squealed at this thought. I had nothing to worry about, because he would after all know mouth to mouth and could revive me.

"I can't dance very well," I whispered to him, causing him to lean in closer to me. "But if you feel safe then, sure I'll dance with you."

"You underestimate yourself, Bella. You are catching the attention of half of the guys in this place. You most certainly can dance. Come here." And with that he pulled me into his arms and began to move. All I could do was follow his movements. I wasn't sure what we were doing. I couldn't think past the feel of his chest under my fingers and his smell assaulting my brain. I wanted to be bold, but I was afraid that Edward was too skilled at the game of seduction for an amateur like me. I didn't want to get beat at my own game. So I stayed the same old shy Bella, who had managed to get a dance with Edward, so she wasn't so bad off after all.

The song changed to a slow haunting beat. Edward pulled me in closer and shifted my body so that I straddled his leg. I could feel him pressed against me from my knee up to my chest. He felt sinful and I wanted to lean over and lick his luscious jaw line.

I could feel the pressure of his hands on my back. One on my low back, one slightly higher. There was something so intimate about the dance we were sharing. I felt more with him fully clothed on a crowded dance floor than I had with the few men I had been totally naked and having sex with.

He moved what little hair was hanging on my neck so he could trace a line from my jaw to the hollow of my neck with his nose. I shuddered and he pulled away slightly. I pulled him back in and whispered "Stay." He held me close and we finished our dance.

When the song changed he pulled away and took my hand. He led me back to the booth with the others. I was disappointed that the song ended so quickly. I was ready to stay on the floor with Edward all night.

When we got back to the booth, several shots were lined up on the table. Rosalie had ordered them for us. So not wanting to look like well girls, we slammed them down as fast as we could. Rose and I slammed our last shot on the table, followed by Alice a few seconds behind. Each of us shuttered as the alcohol poured into our bodies. We all ran back off to the dance floor.

"Those women, my friends, are going to be the death of us," Jasper said with a mixture of pride and defeat in his voice. I saw Emmett nod his head, while Edward just shrugged.

Rosalie, Alice and I danced for what felt like hours together. We were close enough together to feel each other's bodies while we danced. The feel of their bodies combined with the shots we had was making me wish for Edward again.

I closed my eyes and allowed my body to move to the song in whatever way it wanted. I was too drunk to care what I looked like, I just felt. I imagined that Edward was dancing with me. Slowly sliding his hands over my body and pulling me in close to him again. I swayed with him to the song, feeling how his body brushed up against mine. I could feel a trail of fire where he moved over my body.

My body felt his presence before I saw him. He was approaching from my back. He placed one hand on my waist. The other he used to slide my arm up over my head and back to cup his neck. He slid his hand back down my raised arm and down to my ribcage. I could feel his long fingers grazed the side of my breast as he moved his hand downward to my hip. My nipples tighten and a small moan bubbled up from my throat. He leaned his head down closer to mine and whispered, "Mmmm, Bella." All I could do was nod.

He kept dancing, with my back pulled up against him. I closed my eyes and allowed the feelings to take over my body. He stretched open his hand and slid it back up my side. The slow agonizing pace he set was making me lean into him and almost beg him to touch my breasts again. I didn't care if we were on a crowded dance floor or not, I needed his touch.

I leaned my head back against his chest, exposing more of my neck, hoping that he would touch it as well. He traced down the side with his mouth and when he reached my shoulder he placed small kisses along it. Kissing along it's length and back up my neck. I lost all feeling below my neck and couldn't tell if we were still standing. I could only concentrate on his movements and how they made me feel.

He took his hand that had been placed on my hip and slid it down my leg until he reached the hem of my skirt. Taking the hem of my skirt and moving it aside, he slid his hand underneath it. It was almost enough to bring me to an orgasm with just the feel of his hands on my thigh. His hand started making slow small circles, easing up my thigh towards my pussy.

The anticipation was pushing me to my breaking point. And when he started placing open mouth kisses on my neck, it was too much. My body plunged over the edge and I had one of the best orgasms of my life. I shuddered against him and bit down on my lip to keep from calling out his name. I didn't want everyone in the club to know Edward was able to stroke me into an orgasm without even touching my pussy. He held me still for a few minutes and allowed me to come down from my high. He fixed my clothes and we turned to walk back to our table. Somehow during our "dance" we ended up across the dance floor at the far end of the bar.

He leaned into the booth to tell Alice that we were going home. "Alice, it's late and Bella and I are going to head home. Call us and we will all meet before we head over for dinner at Carlisle and Esme's, ok?"

"Ok," was all she managed to say. She was deep into making out with Jasper. They both just gave a small wave at us as we were walking off.

Edward waved to Emmett and Rosalie who were still on the dance floor. They nodded and returned the wave.

When we stepped out into the night air Edward pulled me close to ward off the chill. But I was thankful for his arms to help steady my walk to the car. He unlocked the door, held it open for me, and proceeded around to the driver's side. I was thankful for the minute away from Edward. I needed to gather my wits, and that definitely couldn't be done with his body in such close proximity to mine. I buckled my seatbelt and leaned back against the headrest. I sighed and tried to decide if the pleasure I could get from Edward was worth the heartbreak that would come when he left.

He slid in and started the car. I shivered at his nearness and he reached to turn on the heat for me. As we pulled out of the parking lot, he took my hand and held it while he drove home.

At some point in the drive I fell asleep because I woke up in my bed, dressed in a pair of pajamas. So Edward must have carried me in and helped me undress for bed. The pounding in my head told me I wasn't ready to get up yet, so I snuggled back down in the covers and went back to sleep.

When I awoke later, I took the two aspirins that were placed on my nightstand, and I drank almost all of the water bottle. I knew that I needed the shower to wash off the sweat and humiliation of last night. It would make me feel better and hopefully clear my head. I never drank like that and I certainly didn't make out with old friends I hadn't seen in several years. I wasn't sure what to say to Edward. Hopefully he was slightly drunk and would use that as an excuse. Anything to not to have to tell him how much I enjoyed his dance and all else he gave me. I didn't need the distraction of a fling. I needed to concentrate on starting my life; otherwise my breakup with Jacob was for nothing. I would have thrown him out of my life for nothing, and Jacob deserved more than that, besides Edward didn't need any distractions. He was about to start his residency, and he needed to focus. So for both of our sakes we needed to cool this, whatever it is. I decided that when my shower was done I would find Edward and clear the air with him. I would try to make him understand how sorry I am that I participated in last night, and it wouldn't happen again.

With my shower done, I was dressed and ready to talk to Edward. I called for him upstairs and knocked on his door. No answer, so I opened it tentatively and peeked in his room. He was nowhere to be seen and his bathroom door was open, so he wasn't hiding in there either. I went downstairs and called for him, no answer. I went into the kitchen and found a note hanging on the last remaining evidence of our kitchen, the refrigerator.

**Bella, **

**I went to get coffee and something for breakfast since we can't cook in Little Baghdad here. I will be back soon, call if you need anything while I am out-555-5808.**

**Edward**

I went up to my room to wait for him. Trying to argue with the side of myself that wanted a fling with Edward. I heard his steady feet running up the stairs. Either way I needed to clear the air about last night. No matter which side of myself won the argument, we needed to take it a lot slower than we did last night.

"Hey, thanks for getting breakfast. I need to find out if we can run a cord for at least a microwave or a hot plate. Otherwise we are going to be eating out every day. Maybe we can raid Alice's kitchen, lord knows she had never stepped foot in there herself."I suggested to Edward as he unpacked our coffee.

"Well that sounds like a great idea, because I can't take any more take out. I have survived on take out, and the places that were usually open at the late hours when I was ready for food wasn't considered fine dining. So a little home cooking would be great. I got an assortment so take what you want," he offered as he waved at the box of doughnuts.

"Doughnuts, yummy, I love the apple filled ones. They are almost like eating apple pie!" I exclaimed with glee.

"Me, I like the chocolate covered ones. And if it has sprinkles, even better." And with that he took a large bite out of his doughnut and covered his face in chocolate. I couldn't help but smile, in so many ways he had never changed. He was still a small boy on the inside. I could definitely see the Emmett influence in him.

I took a long drink of the coffee Edward brought back for me. I was stalling and trying to figure out how to bring up last night. I decided to just jump in with both feet.

"Edward, I uh need to talk to you about last night. I think I may have gotten out of hand and I am sorry. I guess I am the only person alive who didn't drink much in college, and I paid for all the drinks I had last night. I hope I didn't embarrass you too much and I hope this doesn't make us awkward."

"Bella, don't be silly, we are cool. I think I may have had a little too much to drink as well, so I apologize for my actions as well. We are ok, I promise." He met my eyes and smiled.

I heard the words but somehow they didn't seem genuine. They felt rehearsed and flat. No real meaning to them. I worried that maybe he had read something into the night and was now hurt. I remembered the sadness I saw in his eyes and didn't want to add to that. I felt like he needed me to reach out and hold him, or maybe rub his head like a toddler until his hurt was gone. If only it were as simple as a kiss and make it go away solution. I would do it if I could.

"Edward, tell me about your time at college. What did you do and how did you cope without your family?" I was not sure where in the hell that thought had come from?

"It was hard at first, but I settled into a routine. I spent a lot of time studying since I didn't know anyone to party with and I guess it became a habit. We had a great library so I spent plenty of time in there doing research for my papers. A lot of the other kids used papers that were on the internet, or at least did a lot of their research on the internet, but not me. I wanted the actual book in front of me to be happy with the information. I know that sounds kind of creepy, but it's true. Don't tell Rose, she will ask why I went through an emo phase. She is always accusing me of that emo shit. I just knew I had many years of work ahead and I figured that I would start out right, you know?" He shrugged and made it sound like it was no big deal.

"Hey you don't have to tell me about the draw of the library. I was Lit major, remember? I am sure I can rival your library hours anytime. What about human interaction and companionship, didn't you crave that? Wasn't it lonely just going to library?"I was suddenly interested in his college years. I needed to figure out what caused the sadness and I was sure the years with Carlisle and Esme had nothing to do with it. So that only left his college years.

"Well Bella, I had some companionship there, for a while I was with Tanya. She moved in for a while and so I wasn't totally alone. What about you, did you get to see Jacob much?" He shrugged and casually answered this, like we all should have known that Tanya followed Edward out to college.

I was totally surprised at the Tanya revelation, as far as I knew no one mentioned that she went out with Edward. I tried to cover my surprise and answer his question. I would ask Alice and Rosalie later when Tanya went to live with Edward.

"Well, Jacob was working so we only saw each other off and on. It was easier when I moved in. I was tired of dorm life so when he suggested that I live with him it made sense. I would get out of the dorms and have a real place to live. He did need to have someone there when he was gone traveling for long periods of time anyway. It was cool at first, it was like playing house. Jacob has always been great to me and I tried to take good care of him, I hope I did. I am glad that if I did have to make a mistake, that it was with Jacob. Most guys wouldn't have been as understanding as he was."

"Yeah, we didn't know each other that well, but he seemed like a great guy. You want to head on over to Alice and Jasper's to hang out before we head to dinner?" he responded to me. I think he was trying to change the subject and keep me from asking any more questions.

"Yeah, since I can't get into our kitchen to cook, can we stop and pick up some stuff to take to Alice's and then I can cook there?"I asked.

"Sure, but why are you cooking? You know Esme will have everything we need there, right?"

"She always thinks of everything, but cooking is in my blood. I feel like I will go through withdrawals if I am out of the kitchen for more than a day. So like it or not I need to cook. Please, Edward, help me feed my addiction." I exaggerated my hand movements and facial expressions on the last part, hopefully playing the part of an addict.

He just laughed and grabbed the keys. He pushed me towards the door and we headed to Rosalie's car.

He turned the music up loud and we sang on the way to the grocery store. He came in with me and helped me pick out items we needed for a salad and dessert. When we reached the counter to pay Edward pulled out his wallet and paid before I realized what he did. I tried to give him the money back, but he pushed my hands away.

"Bella, you aren't working yet, I can't let you pay for food you are making for us."

"Edward, you aren't working either, so if your standards are correct you shouldn't pay either. Take my money."

"Yeah but Bella I have money and you know it, so don't be stubborn."

Edward pulled out his phone and dialed Alice's cell. He wanted to tell her we were on the way over.

"Hey Al, Bella and I just finished shopping for some food. We are headed over to your place. We just wanted to give you and Jasper a few minutes to get dressed before we arrive."

He was silent for a few seconds and then he shook his head as he responded "Well you should have called us before. We are almost at your place and we didn't bring our swimsuits."

Silence again and then he said, "Ok problem solved, see you in a few."

"Well apparently we are going to swim this afternoon at Carlisle and Esme's. So Alice will loan you a suit and Jasper has some trunks that I can wear. I think you should be very afraid Bella, Alice said something about a suit she had been trying to get you into for ages."

"Oh great, who knows what that means." I was suddenly really scared. Alice was a force of nature and there was no way I was strong enough to cross her and her decisions.

We rode in silence for a few miles, when a thought suddenly occurred to me, and I need to ask Edward to clarify for me.

"Edward, does anyone else know that Tanya lived with you when you left for college? I don't want to spill any secrets or anything," I lied. I really just wanted to know why no one ever mentioned it to me and so I was using his protection as a cover to get my answers.

"Well actually no, Bella, no one knows. They were pretty angry at her for how she treated me before we left. I figured that it was best to keep it to myself. I know they all really care for me but I can only hear so many times that I am making a mistake, before I want to tell them all to go to hell. I didn't want Esme to worry and Alice to call a million times per day. I needed my space to take time to figure out what was happening with Tanya. It didn't matter what everyone else felt, I needed to know what I felt and make my own decision. That is the hard part of living with people who have such strong personalities. Sometimes you get sucked into them and before you know it you are living the life they want and not your own. You know?" Edward explained. I felt bad for judging him and his relationship with Tanya.

"Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. How did it go with Tanya?" I was going to try to be a little more understanding for him.

"Terrible, exactly like they said it would. She was everything they said and more. That is another reason that I couldn't come home. I needed to get over her and what she did by myself. If they didn't know that she was there they certainly couldn't know that she had hurt me again. So I stayed until I was sure I could come home and be normal without their pity and questions. I came when I was strong enough, so to speak. Please, Bella, can you keep that between us?" I could see now where the sadness came from. Just talking about her caused his eyes to darken to a deep jade and worry to seep across his face.

"Of course, Edward. What do you take me for? I would never rat you out like that." I tried to sound playful with him to lighten the mood.

"I know, Bella. It just makes me a little paranoid to think that this might get out."

"Well sunshine put on a happy face because we are here and I can listen if you ever want to talk, ok?"

"I know Bella, thanks. You're kind of cool, you know?"

"Cram it up your cram hole Lafleur!"

We both gave in to the fits of laughter that the great movie line I quoted deserved.

* * *

**Now how was that? Let me know what you thought and what you would like to see next. Don't forget to stop by my profile and see the outfits and playlist for the chapter. Go on and hit the review button, I know you want to. I won't tell that you did, it will be our little secret, shhhh!**


	3. Chapter 3 Walk On

You're a modern day miracle

Anything but a typical girl

Mona Lisa on a sidewalk stand

Superstar in a common man world

Nothing's been so beautiful

Wanna stop and ask your name

Take a picture of your pretty face

Shot to heaven, steal a kiss

Leave the world at your throne

I want to beg you to be mine for the rest of both our lives

But instead I catch my breath, shake my head, and I walk on

I know I've seen you somewhere before

In my mind behind door number 3

You're a prayer you're a gift from God

But there's a bridge I cannot cross

It seems your distant dream

I will never hold you

**Billy Currington- Walk On**

****~~**~~**~~****

Chapter 3-Walk On

Edward's POV

I was taken aback that Bella was ready to apologize for last night. Now what exactly did that mean? Did it mean that she was drunk and didn't remember it? Or does it mean that she didn't like it at all? I am not a man-whore, but I am pretty sure that I know an orgasm when I see, and hear one. So what does the apology mean?

Maybe I could ask Jasper. He might be able to answer in a reasonable fashion, with decent advice. I had to do it when Emmett wasn't around, he'd just mess up everything and probably end up telling Rose, who would tell Alice, who would then tell Bella, and I didn't want that shit at all. I needed advice, but I didn't want Bella to know that I needed advice.

I mean, I'm not even sure what I feel for her. I am pretty sure I am not ready to be her boyfriend, but do I just want a random hook up? Bella is a great woman and she definitely deserves better. Do I have my shit together enough to be more than a random hook up? Can I be a decent man for her? No, on second thought, I needed to avoid Bella. I am in no shape to be in a relationship with her. I already knew she didn't want just anything, she wanted forever. I can't give her that, so I won't give her anything. Fuck, how did I get here? Why can't I go back and change a few things, and make it all end differently?

I hate Tanya for the mind fuck she did on me. How can a person get so close to having everything and then not allow love to pull them out of the fire? I hate Tanya the most for that, for not loving me enough to walk away from her fucked up life. She didn't fight for us.

"Dude, are you on this planet? Grab the last bag and carry in the groceries." Jasper questioned as he clapped me on the back. I realized that Bella and Alice were staring at me, so I just shrugged it off.

"Sorry, I have a few details that I need to finalize for my residency. You know how I am about leaving things undone. I promise no more school thoughts, only fun today." I hoped they bought my explanation and wouldn't question me any further.

I watched as Bella unloaded the groceries and talked with Alice. She was so beautiful when she was with Alice, she let all of her walls down, and she was just Bella, beautiful Bella. She was untouched by any of life's ugliness and hardships. I never want her to see or feel any of life's ugly parts; maybe if I stay away from her, she will remain beautiful Bella.

Jasper walked by and slapped a beer into my chest as he motioned for me to follow him. I left Bella and Alice in the kitchen, Bella cooking and Alice talking. Jasper led me outside and stood by the fire pit. He drank a few sips of his beer then sat it down. I could tell by the way that he crossed his arms over his chest that he wanted to talk. Jasper rarely offers his opinion without being asked, but when he does, it is because he feels strongly about the subject. So I waited, I, at least, owed him the courtesy of listening.

"So you and Bella, last night, umm…care to explain?"

"Not much to explain," I said, hoping he would take that answer but knowing that he wouldn't. Jasper wasn't that easy.

"Your hand up her skirt is certainly something to explain," he responded, a little too emphatically for this to be a casual conversation.

"Yeah, we talked about that this morning. We both were a little drunk, and damn, did you see her last night? She was amazing looking. When did little Bella grow up?" I smirked and raised my beer to my lips again.

"Look, I know neither of you drink very much, so I will give you that one. But man, she is Bella. She is almost like our sister, so don't dick around here. If you got something going, then fine, but don't hurt her. Alice and Rose will kill you, and you will cause damage to the whole family that may not be able to be repaired. Cool?" He took a long drink on his beer.

"Yeah, we have already decided that we shouldn't," I paused, unsure of what to say to Jasper. I couldn't reveal how much thought I had put into what was going on between Bella and I. Jasper would see right through that and know that I had contemplated something more, so I simply finished with, "so, are we good?"

"Yeah we're good, just do the right thing."

He sat back and took a few drinks of his beer. We both sat in silence, and I tried to figure out how wrong it would be if I did start something with Bella. I knew her well enough to know that she didn't have any freaky tics I couldn't live with and she was certainly easy on the eyes. So what was stopping me? I would need to proceed with caution, but maybe it could work. Maybe enough time had passed after Tanya that I could be ready for a relationship. But what if it wasn't okay? What if _I_ wasn't okay? My mind was reeling with the possibilities. Jasper was right. I would cause too many problems that I couldn't fix. Was I willing to give up my family for a woman? I wasn't sure I was. I realized that I wasn't going to find an answer and let the subject drop.

I heard a squeal from the kitchen and turned to see Bella running out the back door. I jumped up and ran towards her, trying to assess what was wrong and what I needed to do. I saw Emmett emerge behind Bella. He was laughing so hard he could hardly stand upright. I knew Bella had fallen victim to Emmett's juvenile sense of humor once again. She always was his favorite target. Just then, she pulled her shirt up and pulled several cubes of ice out of her bra. I almost choked; there was Bella, standing in Alice and Jasper's backyard, almost undressed from the waist up. I was wrong, she was more than beautiful. She was breathtaking.

"Emmett McCarty Cullen, so help me, I will chop off the protruding parts of your body if you pull that stunt again!" Bella's face was puffed out in an angry grimace directed at Emmett, which of course he found much more amusing.

"Silly Bella, you need to catch me, and you can't run more than five steps without falling down, so I am in the clear." He stuck his tongue out at her like we were in kindergarten.

She walked by him, and threw a punch at his stomach, flinched when her punch landed. I could have told her that physical violence wasn't the way to retaliate with Emmett. He was built of solid steel, and very rarely felt pain, unless you used a baseball bat. Bella would need to plan a mental attack as he could never compete with that. Later when I had the time, I would help her plan something to get even with him. That would serve him right for all the years of torture I had to endure at his hands.

I finished my beer with Jasper and Emmett. I headed back into the kitchen to grab us all another beer and check on Bella.

When I entered the back door quietly, Bella whipped around brandishing a wooden spoon. She relaxed when she saw it was me.

"Sorry, Edward. I thought you were Emmett."

"I know. I expected you to still be on guard. Later we will devise a plan to get him back. You have to think mental, Bella, not physical with Emmett. He can't fight the mental attack that is his weakness."

With that comment, she smiled the most devious smile I have ever seen. She had a streak of evil buried deep within her, and that smile gave her secret away. I made a mental note not to piss off Bella Swan.

Eventually we all ended up in the backyard. It was so rare to have a sunny day in Forks, we all just wanted to enjoy it as much as possible. All too soon, Esme called to tell us to get a move on, so we discussed who would drive with whom.

"Bella and I need to ride with someone so I can drive my Volvo back from Carlisle and Esme's house," I suggested.

Rosalie turned towards me and offered, "If you ride with Emmett and me, you can drive the Volvo home. I will pick up my BMW on the way home." She dismissed our conversation as she turned to question Bella, "What are you going to do for a ride? Surely you aren't still driving that truck?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, I am. There is nothing wrong with my truck, so I will drive it until it dies," Bella crossed her arms over her chest and stuck her chin out. I knew she hated it when anyone made fun of her truck.

"Well if that is all you are waiting on, let me at it. It certainly won't run when I am finished with it," Rosalie smirked at the thought of demolishing Bella's truck; she has never liked that truck. To Rosalie, a real car had sleek lines and could go from zero to sixty in under five seconds. Bella's truck wouldn't do zero to sixty at all, so Rosalie considered it unworthy of driving.

Bella snorted at Rosalie. "Well, as a matter of fact, you will be happy to know that I had plans to buy a new car. Actually, sooner now that I can share rent with all of you, so there. I need something better on gas, and who wants to show up at a 'real job' driving that?"

"Exactly. After all these years, you finally see the light!" Rosalie was ecstatic at this news.

Rosalie loved to shop for cars as much as Alice loved to shop for clothes, so I could see some scouting trips on the horizon for Bella and Rosalie. She would love to have a say in what car Bella purchased.

"Hey Rosalie, you want to go out with me next weekend and do some looking?" Bella asked. I couldn't believe that she just opened the door, and Rosalie jumped through it with both feet. Rosalie was certainly going to keel over dead with happiness. I was sure of it. Her whole face broke into the biggest smile, I think, I have ever seen her wear.

Jasper interrupted and again recommended that we get a move on, so off to the cars we went. I helped Bella into the back of Emmett's jeep and then handed her the salad and pie she made. After I climbed in, Emmett jammed the jeep into reverse, and we were off.

It was hard to talk to Bella. Emmett had the music up so loud and the top was off the jeep, so I just settled for watching the scenery. Not much ever changed in Forks, but I could see small changes here and there since I had been gone. I liked that Forks was the same, it made me feel like I could come back home and be the same again as well.

We arrived at Carlisle and Esme's without incident, which wasn't always a given with Emmett driving. I loved my brother, but he could be swayed to do anything at any time. I was thankful that his desire to get to Esme's cooking kept him from trying any stunts in the jeep. He was always hungry.

Carlisle was starting the grill when we got there, and Esme had a table full of food for us. We decided that if we ate on the patio, we could swim for a while before we ate, so we all slipped inside to change into our suits. For Jasper, Emmett, and me, it was a quick process, and we were right back out into the pool. The water felt great, and I was enjoying being with my family.

"Holy Mother of Mary and Joseph!" Emmett whispered with a look of utter shock on his face.

Jasper and I turned to see what he was looking at., and that's when I saw her. She had on a small bikini that she filled perfectly. Teenage Bella was long gone, and she had turned into full grown Bella. I even saw Carlisle smile and look away after a few seconds. He had some powerful restraint because there was no way I was ever going to look at anything or anyone ever again. She was perfection. Long legs, full hips and the most perfect set of breasts I have ever seen.

"Dude, close your mouth. She will never come back out here if she catches you looking at her like that, you know how self-conscious Bella is," Jasper whispered to me.

Emmett piped in, "I had no idea she was so grown up. When did that happen? And how the hell did she get so hot?"

Jasper and I both shouted, "Emmett!" at the same time. Sometimes I swear that boy had no filter on his brain; he said anything at any time.

Alice and Rosalie had both joined Bella by this time and they were all sitting on the side of the pool. I couldn't have that; I needed Bella closer to me. I wanted to touch and hold her. I wasn't sure that was going to happen with all of these witnesses and without any alcohol, but I had to find a way somehow. A plan began to formulate in my head, so I began taunting Emmett into a chicken fight. He couldn't resist a challenge and that way I would be able to be close to Bella.

Sure enough my idea worked. Next thing I know Bella is resting on my shoulders and we are chicken fighting with Emmett and Rosalie. Rosalie pushed Bella off in under a minute, so I suggested best two out of three. Emmett, being the over grown child that he is, once again, accepted. I was in heaven. All I could think of was how much longer I would get to hold Bella close to me. I held on to her so tightly, but we lost to Rosalie and Emmet both times. We went to the side of the pool and let Alice and Jasper have their turn.

"Sorry I am so wimpy. We may have stood a chance if I were a little stronger." She was pouting.

"Well, Bella, don't worry. You know Rosalie is almost as strong as Emmett. She has to be to keep him in line. I am not even sure I could have taken her down, so no big deal," I reasoned with her.

"Well, you sure look strong enough; did you work out while you were away?" She lightly pushed on my shoulder, and I feigned pain for her.

"Why, Bella Swan, are you flirting with me?" I cocked an eyebrow at her and she blushed.

"Well, I just call them as I see them, and I call you built." She looked away as a small blush swept across her cheeks.

"Well, thank you. I call you beautiful." She blushed again.

"Bella, why do you look away from me? Why do you act like that is the first time you have heard this? Jacob was a sorry jerk if he never told you that before." I was suddenly angry with Jacob for not telling Bella that she was beautiful often enough.

"Well, I mean look at all of you. You all are so beautiful and have so many things going for you. I just pale in comparison, that's all," she bit her lip in nervousness again. For the life of me, all the reasons why I shouldn't take Bella right here in this pool, in front of my family, went right out of my head.

"Bella, I dare you to tell me one thing each of us has that you don't. Why are you so sure that you are not deserving of things? Everyone complains that you never like to take a compliment or gifts; what's up with that?"

"I just feel like it makes our friendship so lop-sided. I already owe all of you so much and then to add those things on top of that, I will never be able to pay you back."

"Bella, we can't even count the times you have been there for us. You repay us in the same way we pay you, with friendship and loyalty. You are on the same playing field as the rest of us. You are certainly beautiful! I can't think of a person right now that can hold a candle to you in that bathing suit. I mean it; you took my breath away when you came out here."

_That's great Cullen; just tell her exactly how you feel._

"Thanks Edward, that was sweet." She looked up at me through her lashes, and I almost pulled her in for a kiss. I reached for her, pushing her shoulder to disguise my actions. She laughed, and we joined the others in the middle of the pool.

We sat down to eat and I made sure that I sat by Bella. I almost giggled like a schoolgirl when she brushed my hand as she passed me the salad. I needed to keep it in check; I couldn't let Emmett, Rosalie or, heaven forbid, Alice get wind of what I was feeling for Bella. I was already afraid that Jasper would tell Alice about our little talk earlier.

We finished our lunch without any incidents, and with our family that wasn't something you took for granted. You never knew what would happen at our house, especially with Emmett around.

We all helped clear the table to make room for Bella's pie. I carried a few plates into the kitchen, and as I turned away from the sink, I was face to face with Bella. She startled and almost dropped the glasses she was carrying. I grabbed her arm and steadied her. When I looked down, she was looking up at me, and we both stood there staring at each other. My mouth was hanging open, and I'm certain that I looked like I had just had a stroke. I was learning that I couldn't control myself when Bella was close to me, or hell, when she was even in the same city as me. She smiled up at me and then bit her lower lip between her teeth. I reached out my hand and gently pulled her lip out from between her teeth. I traced her jawline to her ear tucking the hair that had fallen in her face behind it. She smiled again at me and I knew I could get used to that. I wanted to be the reason for all of her smiles.

Just as I was about to move in to kiss her, Alice came busting into the kitchen looking for Bella and her pie.

"Bella, move your ass. Emmett is as bitchy as a grizzly bear. You'd better bring on the pie before Carlisle has to shoot him. What's taking you so long?"Alice stood, glaring at both of us.

Bella and I moved apart as she put the glasses in the dishwasher. I chanced a look at Alice, and she cocked an eyebrow at me.

"Bella had a bug in her hair, and you know how she gets when she sees a bug. Just like a girl." I grabbed the pie and headed out the back door. Bella and Alice raced after me, and we ran around the table like school kids.

Emmett grabbed the pie and saved it from falling when Alice and Bella tackled me. They each took a side and tickled me until I cried, "Uncle! Uncle, I swear, Uncle!"

We all settled down in front of the fire pit and ate our piece of pie. Each couple snuggled up together to stay warm. Being that Bella and I were the only odd men out so to speak, we snuggled with each other. She felt so warm and soft, and she fit against me in all the right places.

The next thing I knew, Carlisle was shaking my shoulder. Bella and I had fallen asleep in the lawn chair by the fire.

"Son, do you and Bella want to stay here for the night? It is a long drive back to your house. Esme would love for you two to stay. You and I can go for a run together tomorrow morning."

"Give me a minute, and I'll ask Bella. I'll let you know." He walked off and left us alone; I assumed that Alice and Jasper, and Rosalie and Emmett had already left for home.

"Bella, Bella, wake up. We fell asleep. Carlisle wants to know if we want to stay here instead of driving home. What do you want to do? I can drive you home if you want. It doesn't matter to me." I lifted her off the chair and held her close to me. She sat up, rubbing her eyes.

"I think staying here is okay, that way we can get back to bed; I mean each get back to our own beds. I didn't mean get back in bed together; I know you wouldn't want to get in bed with me." Her eyes widened with shock at what she was saying.

"Bella, it's okay, calm down. We can stay and sleep in our own beds. Unless, of course, you want me to stay with you because if you do, I will," I answered honestly. I would do anything Bella asked of me.

"No, don't be silly. We can't stay together in Carlisle and Esme's house. I'll be fine. I just liked snuggling up with you. Thanks for keeping me warm. Let's head in and get to bed," she pushed up off the lawn chair and turned to sit on the side. The cold air swept down the side of my body. It was shocking and cruel.

"Ok." I stood and turned to help her stand up, and we walked into the house together as she held my hand.

We stopped to talk to Esme as she brought out extra blankets and pillows. Esme also brought Bella some pajamas. I left them in the hallway, walked to my room, closed the door, and stripped my shorts off. I suddenly felt restless without Bella close to me. The normal activities that settled me before bed didn't help at all tonight. I wanted to feel Bella's soft body next to me. After only a small nap with each other, I now couldn't sleep without her, I was in for a long night.

I had been tossing and turning for hours when I heard the door slip open. I sat up waiting to see who it was. My mouth fell open to see Bella walking into my room. She approached the bed, and then just stood there, her bottom lip held between her teeth.

"Bella are you okay? What's wrong?" I asked, my voice thick with desire, wanting to hear that she came to be with me.

thing, I just couldn't sleep. I thought I could stay with you for a few minutes until I felt tired again. Is that okay?" Her voice was full of hesitation and embarrassment.

"Sure, come on. You want the right or the left side?" I immediately flipped back the covers for her to crawl in.

"Can I have the left side?"

"Oh, sure take the side I have already warmed up," I said jokingly, "come on get in." I scooted over for her to have room to get in.

She climbed in and lay on her back. She looked over at me and smiled.

"Is it weird that we are here together? I mean will Carlisle and Esme freak out?"

"Nah, we are adults. Jasper and Alice, and Emmett and Rosalie have lived together for several years. I think they are past the shock by now. Are you freaked out by the fact that we are here together?" I wanted to hear her say no, that she always expected us to end up together, but I knew she was going to say yes.

"No, I feel safe with you. I like hanging out with you; I don't feel like I have to pretend to be anything with you, you know?" She always shocked me with her answers and honesty. I thought girls were taken aside in high school and taught never to reveal what they were thinking to boys no matter what. But here Bella was telling me the truth.

"I hope you know that we are who we are and that is all we can be. Besides like I said before, I like you Bella." I smiled at her in the dim moonlight that was shining across her face.

"Most guys want a Barbie, big boobs, small waist, very little clothes, and no brains. That's not me. I think that's why I was okay with staying with Jacob for so long even when I knew I wasn't really in love with him. I was afraid that if I left, I wouldn't find someone who really liked me and didn't want me to conform to their ideas of a perfect girl. I know that sounds like a cop out, but I'm scared. I really want the happily ever after, especially after watching my parents divorcing, I want that. I want what Carlisle and Esme have, and I'm afraid that I won't find it."

I turned to look at her, her words so thick with the emotion that she was trying to hold in. I saw her eyes glisten with the tears that hadn't fallen yet, and I couldn't help but pull her to me. I wanted to wipe all of those tears away and make her know that she deserved everything and someday someone would give it to her.

"Bella, you will have it all, I promise. You will get your happily ever after."

She pulled away slightly so she could look up at me. "Edward, don't you think about your life and want a wife and kids?"

"Sure, but that is years off for me. I have years of residency, and then if I decide to specialize, oh man don't make me tell you how long that will take. I figure with the long hours and no holidays off that no woman is going to put with that. So, I decided that I would wait until I was finished with school to try to focus on my personal life. Right now, I need to focus on school. I have worked so long for this I don't want to blow it, you know?" I hoped that the dream of becoming a doctor was worth it when I finally achieved it, and I didn't feel like I missed out on my life chasing that dream.

"Sure, but it sounds so lonely. Don't you want someone to come home to after those long shifts? If she is the right girl, she won't mind all the obstacles. Don't write her off before you find her. Give her a chance, just promise me that." She smiled gently at me, and I believed everything she said at that moment.

"I will keep an open mind. Now quit your yammering, so I can get some sleep," I teased.

We lay side by side with only our shoulders touching. When I knew she was deep asleep, I lowered my head down to hers and inhaled the wonderful scent that was Bella. She always smelled like home somehow, not strong or overpowering. Just a light scent that made you want to get closer to drink it in.

When I woke up, Bella had turned towards me and snuggled up to my left side. Her legs had tangled with mine, and she rested her hand on my chest. I had wrapped my arm around her shoulders and held her close. My other hand was possessively holding on to her hip. Sometime during the night, our bodies adopted the closeness that our minds wouldn't allow while we were awake.

I lay in bed just enjoying the feeling of Bella next to me, but suddenly she turned and began to crawl out of bed. I grabbed her hand and pulled her back.

"Hey, you spend the night in my bed, and now you are going to leave without even saying thank you, leaving some money or anything?" I smirked at the thought of Bella paying me for something I would gladly do for free.

She laughed at me and tried to smooth all of her hair down.

"Well, maybe I thought you didn't deserve my money, and no one wants to cause your head to swell with a lot of platitudes you don't deserve."

And with that, she walked away.

"Oh, game on, Swan, you will so pay for that," I murmured to myself.

I showered and met her and Esme down in the kitchen. Carlisle had been called away for an early shift at the hospital, so he was long gone. Esme made pancakes and I grabbed a few and sat at the table with them. Esme was reading the paper, and Bella was eating. I met Bella's eyes as she forked another bite. She giggled and so did I when we caught each other looking. Esme flipped down the corner of her paper and raised her eyebrow at us. We both sat up straight and ate in silence. Bella finished first and went to the sink. As she rinsed her plate, putting it in the dishwasher, she turned to me.

"I am ready to go whenever you are. I know we both still have unpacking to do, and I don't want to put it off. I will be in the library reading, so let me know when you are ready," she turned to leave the kitchen.

Esme stood up and took her coffee mug to the dishwasher as well.

"Bella, Rosalie was mentioning that you were thinking of getting another car. I have a proposition for you. I have an Audi that Carlisle bought for me, but with all of the stuff I carry around for work, I never drive it. I would be glad to sell it to you for a deal. I hate that it is just sitting in the garage, not being driven. Besides, Carlisle will be happy to know you have a reliable car. So talk to him about how much, I don't know about those things, but for now take it and drive it. Make sure you like it and then we will talk to him. Does that sound okay?" Esme gently prodded.

"Oh Esme, are you sure you want to get rid of it? What if you need it?" Bella asked.

"Bella, you know how Carlisle is. He buys a new car every six months. He sees something he likes, and he buys it. I have several in the garage that I can choose from if I need a car. I promise that I'll be fine. I doubt Carlisle will even miss it. I am serious; take it. I want you to. That way I won't worry about you getting back and forth to work. You don't want me to worry, do you?" Esme could lay it on thick when she needed. I smirked at her attempt to persuade Bella.

"Of course not. I will test drive it and come and talk to Carlisle in a few days. Thank you," Bella said, holding out her hand for the keys.

Esme led us out into the garage and showed Bella her car. It was a beautiful Audi A5 Convertible in Midnight Blue. Bella's mouth fell open. I didn't blame her; as much as I loved my Volvo, I was still partial to this Audi. Esme opened the door and Bella climbed in the driver's seat. She cranked the Audi and sat for a few minutes getting familiar with the location of everything, and then she pulled out of the garage first. I grabbed my cell as I got into the Volvo, I called her; I couldn't resist.

"Bella, I will race you home." I flipped my phone closed, slammed the Volvo into reverse and flew out of the garage. I stopped right in front of her in the Audi, turned to face her, and wiggled my eyebrows. Her face changed into a hard stare, and she nodded at me. I pushed the gearshift back up into first gear and speed off, Bella right on my bumper. I had to work hard, but I beat her home. If she hadn't caught that last light, I think I may have lost. Emmett would be proud I pulled out all of the stops to beat her.


	4. Chapter 4 Gotta Be Somebody

**A/N: I want to say a great big thanks to Sonja and Lexi, you both are amazing and fix all of my stray commas without complaint! I am so thankful for you, without you I would be a mess and so would my story!**

**Thanks to the wonderful readers that are reading, now if all of you would leave me a review and let me know what you think of the story, I would really be on cloud nine. To those of you who do review, you are better than chocolate cake for breakfast, seriously. Don't forget to head over to the profile and see the fun stuff that goes along with the story. I hope you like it as well. **

**Disclaimer:The standard stuff you already know, I don't own anything related to Twilight. I also don't own the music, movies or anything other than the fun that the characters are having. **

**Playlist:Coffeeshop Soundtrack-All Time Low;Dear Maria, Count Me in-All Time Low;Supermassive Black Hole-Muse;Rock Star-Nickelback;Boom Boom Pow-BEP;You Give Love a Bad Name- Bon Jovi(cause who doesn't love some Bon Jovi?)**

* * *

Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight

And damn it this feels too right

It's just like déjà vu, me standing here with you

So I'll be holding my breath, could this be the end

Is it that moment when, I'll find the one that I'll spend forever with

'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there

'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares

Someone to love with my life in their hands

There's gotta be somebody for me like that

'Cause nobody wants to go it on their own

And everyone wants to know they're not alone

There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere

There's gotta be somebody for me out there

**Nickelback- Gotta Be Somebody**

Chapter 4- Gotta Be Somebody

Edward's POV

We entered the house by the front door to avoid all of the mess from the kitchen. We were both still a little excited from the rush of racing home.

"Hey Bella, don't feel bad for losing, you're not a bad driver. I'm just a better one!" I shouted as I took off running; I knew she was going to retaliate somehow. I stopped and hid behind the living room door; I was trying to be quite but my ringing cell phone didn't help that at all. And of course it was Emmett, so "Me So Horny" was blaring from my hip. It made me laugh every time I heard it, but I couldn't resist, it was so Emmett. I heard Bella chuckle from the other side of the wall.

"Em, what's up?" I whispered, again trying to be quiet.

"Don't play coy with me, little brother. I want dirt on last night, and now." He practically shouted at me.

"Dude, are you a chick now? Since when do we do our nails and gossip?" I responded, giving up on the quiet thing.

"Jasper and I are going to the gym. That makes what we do there manly, so even if we gossip, it is manly gossip. That makes it all ok. Grab your shit and meet us there. Besides, I saw your pitiful little chest; you need some upper body and a little ab work. Are you in? That is, if you can pull yourself off of Bella's ass?" He snickered at that remark. He was so juvenile, and I think the older he was getting, the more it came out.

"Don't make me call Rosalie and tell her about the time you scratched her-"

I didn't get to finish before he was yelling, "Dude, why would you want me castrated like that? I thought we agreed to never bring that up again. Don't you want nieces and nephews? Come on, you in?" he asked in a calmer voice.

"Sure, I will be there in 20." And I hung up, not giving him any more chances to insult me.

"Bella, I gotta go and meet Em and Jaz. What are you going to do today?" I called to her from behind the door like she didn't know I was there.

"I already told you, unpacking my stuff. I need to go and buy some bookshelves and set up all my books, so maybe a little shopping. When will you be back, do you want to have dinner together?" she responded as I stepped from behind the door.

What is this grade school that she would blush at asking me eat dinner with her, but ahh,,I did love the way Bella looked when she blushed.

"Sure, why don't I get Emmett's jeep and we can shop for bookshelves, and then have dinner on the way home?" I offered.

"That is great; I wasn't sure how I was going to get bookshelves in the Audi, so perfect. What time do you want to meet?" Her voice was pure silk. I watched her as she was digging in her purse, her bottom lip sucked between her teeth. Maybe Emmett was right; I was hanging on her every move.

"What about five? That will give me time to work out with Em and Jaz, shower and be ready for dinner. Where do you want to meet?"

"What about that little furniture place on 5th avenue? Then we can eat Mexican around the corner, does that sound ok?" she asked me, as I gazed into her beautiful eyes. Her eyes were so expressive when she spoke, they lit up and showed off the small flecks of gold around the edges.

"Sure, see you then." I leaned down to kiss the top of her head. "Besides with Emmett, Jasper, and me occupied, I won't be surprised if you get a call any minute to go and do some girly stuff."

Her phone started ringing as I finished the statement, so we both started laughing, and I headed off to the stairs.

"Hey Alice. No, I'm not busy and yes, I'll meet you." She was still laughing.

"No, I'm not laughing at you per se. Edward was just saying with Emmett, Jasper, and him occupied don't be surprised if I get a call asking for me to do some girly stuff, and before he could even finish, you called. So we were laughing at how right he was."

There was a few seconds of silence, and then Bella continued. "Uhm, well yes, I know, you have told me before several times. I have to shower and change, so give me about fourty minutes and then we can meet up. Is Rosalie already with you?"

I was dying to know what Alice asked her, but she didn't repeat that part out loud, so I assumed the girls wanted to gossip as well.

"Ok, why don't you two come and pick me up and that will give me time. Also I am meeting Edward to buy some bookshelves afterwards so that way we can ride together back home. Is that good?" She questioned Alice. I could see her logic of not wanting to leave a car in town.

Silence again.

"We can talk about that later. Are you going to come and get me or not?" Bella paused for a few seconds that Alice must have given in because Bella finished with, "Ok, see you then." She flipped her phone shut.

I stepped into my room as she came up the stairs so she wouldn't think I was eavesdropping on her phone call, but I was dying to know what Rosalie, Alice, and her talked about. Did Bella gossip about me, and if so, how much has she told the other two? Did she bring up what happened on the dance floor at the club, and how did she explain us sleeping in the same bed last night?

I packed up my gym bag and put in clean clothes for dinner with Bella. I made sure I had everything I needed and headed down the hall. I could hear Bella's shower running, and I couldn't get the image of her in that bathing suit out of my mind. I could only imagine how much better she would be without the small scraps of cloth covering the parts I really wanted to see. Before I knew what I was doing, I was stepping into her room and towards her bathroom. I stopped short of her bathroom door.

"Bella?" I called out as I was knocking.

"Edward, I'm in the shower. What's up I thought you were leaving?"

"I just wanted to say goodbye and make sure you were ok showering with John and his crew downstairs working?" I could see her outline in the shower doors; they were fogged up so all I could see was the silhouette, but it was enough to make me want to stay.

"No, I'm fine. They never come up here, and I will be done in a few minutes and dressed, thanks for checking on me. I will see you later?" she called back.

"Ok, bye Bella." I stayed put for a few seconds, watching Bella through the shower doors. Her head was tossed backwards towards the water, and her back was bent. She was reaching up to rinse shampoo out of her hair, causing her breasts to jut outward. She was beautiful.

I went downstairs to the Volvo. I had to rush so I wasn't late to meet the guys. I spent too much time watching Bella in the shower washing her hair.

I made it on time to the gym and locked up my bag. I found Emmet and Jasper on the treadmills, as I hooked up my iPod and switched to my workout playlist. I started the treadmill and took off. Jasper and Emmett waited until our run was finished before launching the questions. None of them wanted to look like pussies when they couldn't run and talk at the same time. Emmett may have me beat with lifting weights, but I could run circles around him and Jasper, and they both knew it. When my eight miles was done, I grabbed a towel and my water bottle. I sat down and tried to take a drink and slow my heart.

Emmett started spouting questions at me, that I'm sure was killing him to wait for.

"Dude, spill it. What is up with you and Bella? I saw you two on the dance floor and passed it off as a drunken thing, but last night… what the fuck?" He spat at me.

"I know, I know. Jasper already had this talk with me, I don't know. I can't stay away from her. It's like she pulls me to her without even trying. She doesn't look too upset to be with me, so don't give me any hell for this. I am trying." I tried to make them understand that this wasn't a voluntary thing.

"What do you mean you are trying? Get your shit together. She's like our sister. You can't hit it when it belongs to your sister. Do better." Emmett threw back at me. Why did he have to choose now to grow up on me?

"Emmett, do you hear yourself? You and Rosalie and Jasper and Alice have been fucking for years. We were all adopted by Carlisle and Esme so technically, you all are brother and sister, so don't lecture me. I know I am fucked up and she wants her soul mate. I'm trying to stay away, but every time I do she comes to me. We stayed last night at Carlisle and Esme's, we started off in separate bedrooms, but a few hours later, Bella came to my room." I knew I was dropping a bomb on them, but they needed to know she was seeking me out as often as I went to her.

"What?" Jasper and Emmett both cried out like two little parrots.

I held up my hand, I wanted to stop the talk before it began. "We only slept in the bed, nothing else happened. She came in and asked to stay. I said yes, and we talked. She fell asleep and so did I. We are adults, so why are you so sure we can't handle this 'whatever' we have going here?" I was offended that my own brothers were judging me for me for liking Bella.

"Bella is fragile. She is not like Alice and Rosalie, and she can't handle heartbreak. Besides if you do screw this up, it will turn into an angry hostile situation for all of us. The girls will be so mad that we will all be sleeping in the dog house for a few years, and you know I can't go without boning Rosalie for that long. So please for my sake, be careful." Emmett begged.

I nodded and dropped my head down into my hands. I heard Emmett walk off heading towards the weights. I sat in silence for a few minutes. I could tell Jasper's approach by his steady quiet footsteps. As much as I didn't want to talk with Emmett anymore, I wanted to talk to Jasper even less. Jasper was too observant for my own liking, and he knew when I was talking bullshit before anyone else. He and Alice were the two people that I could never hide from. I took in a deep steadying breath.

"Do you really care for her?" Jasper asked quietly.

"Yes, but I'm not sure how yet," I replied without even looking up at him.

"What do you mean 'how'?"

"I mean, I don't know if she is a hook up, or if she could be more, that's what I mean. I know Bella is too special for a hook up, so I fight with myself, but God help me, Jasper. I really can't stay away from her. She really pulls me in like she has her own gravitational field. Everything about her intrigues me from her stupid strawberry body-wash to her blushes, and don't even get me started on what her body does to me," I sighed. I was in so deep, I couldn't see the way out, and the sad thing was I didn't really want to find the way out.

"Maybe you feel more for her than having a casual fling, all those things don't sound like a casual thing, sounds like she is deep under your skin. Besides I know you, you never really were a hook up man anyway. Why don't you sit down and talk with her about how you feel? She must feel something for you. She is always looking at you, and she didn't push you away on the dance floor. Talk to her, maybe this can turn into something serious," He suggested, and often Jasper's suggestion turned out to be the best advice I received.

I was suddenly angry; he had no idea that I would never be what she wanted me to be. I had too much baggage and didn't know how to get rid of it.

"Jasper, just back off. I'm not Bella's soul mate, like you seem to think I am. Let it go, ok. I will slowly pull away so I don't hurt her feelings and then we both can move on. Just don't bring this up to Alice, I can't handle her interference in this." My tone was a little too harsh, and I felt bad for it, but I needed him to understand that I couldn't be the soul mate Bella longed for.

"Why are you so sure that you can't be her soul mate? You two have known each other for forever, and you have always had a lot in common. You both want the same things out of life so what is holding you back?" He pushed.

"Jasper, I'm only going to say this once, so listen carefully. I fucked up a lot while I was away at college. Tanya followed me out there and our life was hell. I have a lot of baggage from her and our relationship. I can't be what Bella wants, so let it go."

"Edward, why didn't you tell any of us this before?" He sat up slightly and leaned in towards me, his voice dropping as he said this.

"Because I didn't want any of your pity. I made the mess with Tanya, I didn't need anyone rushing in and cleaning it up for me, and that is what Esme would have wanted to do. Besides, I couldn't stand for you all to know how bad I messed things up. I needed to feel like I took care of myself for the sake of my manhood. What kind of husband would I ever make if I knew I couldn't even take care of myself or my family?" I reasoned with him.

"Well, I do understand that point, but why didn't you call me, at least so I can listen and be there for you? You didn't have to go through this alone. Can I ask details and how bad it was?" He genuinely wanted to help I could see the concern on his face, so I slowly began to tell him.

"Tanya came out about three months after I did; she said she was sorry for all the stuff she said and wanted to try again. I thought it would be good for us; we were in a new city and alone. No friends or family to mess us up. If we couldn't make it like this, then we were never going to make it, so I took her in. She was fine for a little while, but then she took a job as a cocktail waitress in the evenings. That slowly proceeded to a dancer, with all her clothes on but not much different. She started going out with her new friends from the club and a few times not coming home at all. Eventually, I realized that she had started doing drugs. I told her she had to get clean or leave. She started crying and begging me to help her. She said she knew that none of her new friends even cared about her, they were just using her. She said I was all she had. She talked me into buying small amounts of drugs for her, so that I could help her lower what she was taking until she had weaned herself off. The doctor in me kicked in and I couldn't tell her no. Well we went on this rollercoaster of ups and downs. She would do great for a few days and then she would sneak off while I was at class. Then she stayed gone longer and longer, and always came home stoned out of her mind. I finally told her she had to go, so I took her to rehab and left her there. I moved and changed phone numbers. That was the night I talked to Carlisle and he mentioned that Alice had come to him about the house. I started thinking that if I came home maybe that would be enough distance for me to try to clear my head. I just wanted to help her, I thought I loved her. But she destroyed that piece by piece until all I felt was hate. She turned me into someone I didn't even recognize, and I am not sure that I can become the old Edward again. I want to, God knows I want to, but how? Now you see why I can't be what Bella needs, how can I risk that again? If it fails with Bella, I am sure it will destroy both of us, not just her." I lowered my head again; I didn't want Jasper to see the unshed tears in my eyes.

He placed his hand on my shoulder and gave it a small squeeze.

"You have a lot to clean up, but it is not impossible, and if anyone is strong enough to help you it is Bella. I have never seen a person who is so fragile be so strong. She scares me more than Alice or Rosalie when she is mad. You never know what the quiet ones will do. Edward, I only have one more question for you and then we are done."

I looked up at him, and nodded.

"Did you ever try the drugs, and do you need help in any way?" He looked me in the eyes and his gaze never wavered.

"No, I saw what it was doing to Tanya, so I was smart enough not to. She tried to get me to several times. I think, in her mind, if we both wanted them, then she wasn't so weak, you know? So I am and always have been clean. I don't need that kind of help, but I am thinking I may need to, you know, see a therapist of something, maybe one of those AA groups for the families of people who are addicts. I am still thinking this through. I will let you know."

He nodded this time and walked away. I went over to the machines and started the rotation for my upper body. I turned my iPod up as loud as I could take it, I needed to let it all go for now, I would have time later to think about what to do.

Emmett came up when he was done with his machines, and he snapped me on the ass with his towel. So I was done with my solitude and we were once again three brothers.

Emmett and I worked on my abs, well actually he held me down and I worked. True to Emmett, he talked so much shit that I was able to forget the heavy emotions and enjoy being home with my brothers again.

All in all, it was a great day, but I only had an hour to meet Bella. I headed for the showers, followed by Jasper and Emmett.

"So just like that you are going to abandon us and hang with Bella again?" Emmett pouted while we were showering, which kind of gave me a creepy feeling, watching his face over the half wall separating the stalls. Jasper just muttered under his breath, I am not sure but it sounded something like 'pussy'.

"Well she asked me to help her buy some bookshelves, and I suggested dinner afterwards since we can't use the kitchen. So sorry, I couldn't leave her to buy bookshelves alone, can you imagine the damage at that store with her trying to deal with two sets of bookshelves alone? I really am doing a favor to the citizens of Port Angeles." I smiled a cheesy smile at them both. "Besides call the girls. They would probably love to grab dinner together, unless you have other plans."I knew that Alice and Rosalie would both cancel anything they had going to eat with us. That was the good thing about my family, they all loved being with each other as much as I did.

Once we were done showering and dressed, Emmett dialed Rosalie and put her on speaker. That always saved a lot of time relaying info, we spoke so often by speaker phone, and it felt weird talking without it.

"Hey babe, are you with the other two musketeers?" he asked Rosalie, his voice echoing in the empty locker room.

"Emmett, of course who did you think I was with?" Snarky Rose was in full force.

"What are you three wearing and is there mud involved?" Emmett asked as Jasper slapped the back of his head.

"Dude, what the hell, that is my woman you are talking about. Wait…is there mud involved?" Jasper asked.

"No you two juveniles, we were at the spa. We got a facials and mani-pedi's. So hold on to your socks boys because we are even more beautiful than ever. What did you three dunces do?" I could hear movement in the background but couldn't tell what the noise was.

"We worked out, and we are ready for your beauty. Listen a little birdie told me that Eddie here and Bella are meeting up to shop for bookcases and then head off to dinner. So I was wondering what we were doing for dinner and if we could join them?" Emmett finally got around to the real reason of his call.

"Well that depends, where are they going?" She asked.

"I don't know." He turned to me and said, "Eddie, where are you going to eat?"

"We were planning to meet at that little furniture shop on 5th Avenue and then the Mexican restaurant that has the great salsa, and the real Mexican beer," I answered him.

"Oh, Rosie we have to go, I love that place. They have the greatest salsa ever." He sounded like a child begging for one more lollipop.

"Ok we will meet you three there at five," she consented.

"Thanks babe, you are the best ever." Emmett had no business calling anyone pussy whipped, because he was the president and founding member of the club.

"You bet your ass I am." The line went dead.

"Ok boys we have ourselves a date with three hot women. So what do we do until 5?" Emmett slid his phone closed and dropped it into his pocket. He looked up with a large grin.

We each looked from one to the other and all said at the same time, "Pool Hall!"

We jumped into Emmett's jeep and headed off to the pool hall to waste time.

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	5. Chapter 5 Decode

**A/N: A big fat thanks to Sonja and Lexie for making this story much easier to read. I know that I'm eternally addicted to the commas and I swear I will lay off of them, eventually!**

**I want to send some love to mommymac0508-you are my sunshine, you review often and that makes me love you so much! Thanks for the great words, you rock!**

**The last few chapters have been kinda short but that is where Bella and Edward want to go so I follow their path.**

**Disclaimer:I don't own anything except the laptop this is being typed out on;(**

**Playlist:Decode-Paramore(I really like the acoustic version on the Twilight cd, but that is just me),Use Somebody-KOL(just because they fucking rock out loud),Addicted-Saving Abel(because who wouldn't want someone to say that to them?),Sexual Healing-Marvin Gaye, Don't Cha-PCD,Someone to Call my Lover-Janet(just cause I like the vibe of the song)...That is all I have let me know if any stick out to describe this chapter to you!**

**Don't forget the extra stuff that goes along with the story on my profile!**

**Enjoy!**

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How did we get here?

Well, I think I know

Don't you see what we've done?

Gone and made such fools of ourselves

Do you see what we've done?

Gone and made such fools

Of ourselves

**Paramore- Decode**

Chapter 5- Decode

Bella's POV

I was finished with my shower and drying my hair. I was lost in thoughts of Edward in my bathroom while I was in the shower. I almost pulled him in with me; I closed my eyes and imagined how he would look, wet and soaped up. Too bad that Alice and Rosalie were on their way, I wanted to head back to bed and use my new Butterfly kiss to make myself forget about Edward. I wanted to touch, lick, and suck every part of his body. There were even a few parts that I wanted to bite. God that man could make me so hot, and just with a single look. I hoped that the look in his eyes was lust at well. Let's be honest who didn't want Edward Cullen lusting after them? It made me feel sexy as hell. I went to my closet and tried to find something worthy of Alice and Rosalie's approval. I wanted to be sexy for Edward; this was a new feeling for me. Usually I wanted to be comfortable, but not today. Today I wanted him to fuck me without a care as to who was there and watching. I wanted him to lose control and take me with him.

By the time Alice and Rosalie arrived, I had pulled out my black skinny jeans that hung low on my hips, and a black barely-there halter top that had no shoulders and the strap looped around my neck leaving a lot of skin showing. I put on a silver belt that hung right at the edge of my jeans and accentuated my hips. I slid on black strappy Jimmy Choo's, because every girl deserved a pair of Jimmy Choo heels; they could make an okay-looking ass look amazing. I added a cuff bracelet and a pair of hoop earrings.

I was in the bathroom putting on some lip gloss when I heard the girls call up to me; I didn't need makeup because we were going to the spa for facials. I could have Helena put on some makeup when I was done, she was much better at it than I was anyway.

"Up here! I'm almost done; I need help with my hair." I shouted, hoping they could hear me over the workers in the kitchen.

I could hear them running up the stairs and their gasps when they took in my outfit. I turned to see an open-mouthed stare on each of their faces.

"What? I can change. Wait, should I change all of it or just part of it?" I was deflated, I thought I looked hot; I should have waited for them to help me . Their eyes were so much better than mine for fashion. Next time I would wait.

Alice stepped forward and put her hand on my bare shoulder. Her eyes softened and she smiled.

"Bella, what the fuck, have you been holding out on us?"

"What do you mean?" I asked. She had me totally confused.

"First of all, you put together this 'I want to get fucked hard outfit' and then you act like you don't know how you look in it. What are you trying to do to Edward? He will die when he sees you. All the blood will rush away from his brain and he will die." She turned to look at Rosalie.

"Bella, I want to be a lesbian. Will you be my lover?" Rosalie stepped forward as if to kiss me.

"So this is okay? I thought that you were shocked at how bad this is. I feel better; I was trying hard to get this right for you both." I turned back to the mirror.

"Oh you got it right. Don't worry about that; you got it right for sure." Rosalie took the brush and pulled my hair up and gave it a twist in the back. She pinned it down in a 'naughty chignon' she called it and sprayed me down. I gave one last look at myself, and we all left the room.

The girls were silent all the way to the car and down the driveway, so I was worried that something else might be on their minds.

"So what's with the silence? Is something up?" I asked hesitantly. Alice always had an agenda, and I was worried she was going to rope me into another project.

"Bella, are you and Edward fucking?" Rosalie asked point blank, she never minced words and always said what she was thinking.

I choked at her bluntness. You would think after all of these years I would be used to it, but every so often Rosalie out does herself.

"No, why would you think that?" I gulped; maybe I wasn't a clever as I thought I was.

Alice took over, "Bella, honey, your eyes give you away. They soften every time he speaks or looks at you, and god forbid that he should touch you. You almost melt into a puddle at his feet. Now I know you both are adults, but I was wondering if you were on a rebound thing or if you were thinking this through. He is kind of a 'love them and leave them' man. I love Edward, but I don't think that he is ready to settle down and I am sure that you are. So what gives?"

"I don't know. I have never felt this way before. He makes me want to be sexy. I know he is kind of a playboy, but I can't resist his eyes. He really does melt me, and I want to reach out and touch him. I am not sure what I am doing; I have never tried like this before. With Jake, it was so relaxed and comfortable, but with Edward, I feel like I am on fire and on edge. The tension is so thrilling but so exhausting at the same time. He is hot and cold, so it is like a roller coaster. I never know if he's going to be standoffish or touchy feely. I wish he would give me better signals."

"Bella, he is giving signals, but I am afraid that they say he doesn't know what he wants either. I have been watching him since we went dancing. He was all over you at the club, and don't think I didn't see your little floor show. You still have to explain that one. I also see him watching you; I can see the emotions cross his face when he thinks no one is looking. He looks just as lost as you are. Maybe you should talk with him." Rosalie suggested, and she held up her hands with her palms up as if to gesture 'what do you have to lose'.

"Oh my god Rosalie, are you stupid? What if he says he isn't interested? I will die of embarrassment, and it's not like I can just ignore him. We live in the same house; I don't think I can do that." I shuddered to think of the emotional reaction I would have if he told me he wasn't interested in me.

We were all quiet about this subject for a little while. We made small talk about nothing in particular while we got our manicures and pedicures. We talked about the kitchen progress and how the other couples were doing with their packing. I was so ready for them to be in the house with me. I knew I would be lonely when they all went off to work and I had to be at home. At least Edward didn't have to start school yet, so at least there was one person who might want to be with me. I laughed at my choice of words, would he want to 'be' with me?

Our estheticians moved us along to the facial rooms, so we couldn't talk much while they were doing the facials. It was hard to keep quiet; I wanted to talk about Edward like a school girl who had her first crush. I knew our relationship was unsure, but I was so happy. I felt alive; maybe it was the rush of lust. I let my mind wander to how it would feel with his hands on me, combined with the sweat of sex. He would slide over me like silk, and then his cool mouth would touch my skin at random places. I would feel a small thrill not knowing where he would go next, the anticipation burning me alive. I made up my mind right there in that chair that I would fuck Edward, and if that is all we had that was okay. I could live with that. I am sure that the mind blowing sex would be enough to make up for the lack of everything else. I was ready to be finished here and meet up with him again. I couldn't wait until dinner. Maybe I would suggest dancing again afterwards; a few drinks might help us move things along.

We had finished our facial and were heading over to grab a quick bite before we had our make-up done. Rosalie's phone rang, and we all knew it was Emmett. Rosalie had given him 'Addicted' by Saving Abel as a ring tone.

'**I'm so addicted to all the things you do, when you're rolling around with me, in between the sheets, all the sounds you make, with every breath you take, I'm so addicted to you, it's unlike anything when you're loving me.'**

I swear she lets that thing ring just to remind herself of their last time together, her eyes always get far away look when he calls. She was in as deep as the rest of us, but who could blame her with the way the Cullen boys looked? Add in their personalities to the rest of the package as well. Yeah, I was definitely going to fuck Edward, and soon.

She opened the phone and put him on speaker phone for us; it was much easier when dealing with all six of us.

"Hey babe, are you with the other two musketeers?" Emmett was so proud of his woman, and he didn't mind everyone else looking at her, he was confident that she was his. He was also proud of his two sisters, and that made my heart swell.

"Emmett, of course. Who did you think I was with?" Rose replied.

"What are you three wearing, and is there mud involved?" Right to the gutter, that was where his mind always went when he spoke to Rosalie.

Alice and I just rolled our eyes; he made me think of that comedy special we saw on Jeff Foxworthy. Jeff says 'guys are simple and only have one of three thoughts in their minds. A. I wouldn't mind a beer, B. I wouldn't mind a sandwich, and C. I wouldn't mind seeing something naked.' He was dead on with Emmett; he was nothing if not predictable.

He must have had us on speakerphone as well because we heard Jasper asking in the background, "Dude what the hell? That is my woman you are talking about. Wait, is there mud involved?" Alice snickered, and I remembered the time she told me about the mud bath they tried together. I'm sure that he was thinking of that as well.

"No, you two juveniles. We were at the spa. We got facials and mani-pedi's. So hold on to your socks boys because we are even more beautiful than ever. What did you three dunces do?"

"We worked out, and we are ready for your beauty. Listen, a little birdie told me that Eddie here and Bella are meeting up to shop for bookcases and then head off to dinner. So I was wondering what we were doing for dinner and if we could join them?"

"Well that depends, where are they going?" She winked at us. We all knew she was going to give in; she just wanted him to beg a little and feel like he owed her.

"I don't know." We could hear him asking Edward in the background

"Eddie, where are you going to eat?"

"We were planning to meet at that little furniture shop on 5th Avenue and then go to the Mexican restaurant that has the great salsa and the real Mexican beer." His velvety voice caused me to melt, and with those few words, I could feel my panties getting damp. God, I was hopeless.

"Oh, Rosie, we have to go. I love that place. They have the greatest salsa ever." He sounded like a child begging for one more lollipop.

"Okay, we will meet you three there at five," she consented.

"Thanks babe, you are the best ever."

"You bet your ass I am." She snapped her phone shut.

We all giggled; the guys were so predictable.

Alice said, "I bet you $20 I can tell you where they are right now while they are waiting for us to meet them." She smiled.

Rosalie scoffed at Alice. "No way am I taking that bet; those three are so predictable that I don't want to lose my money. We all know they are playing pool."

Alice's eyes lit up and she started clapping her hands. "I have an idea."

I knew that look and it didn't mean good things. Usually I was the one to suffer when she had that look. I frowned.

"Bella, don't frown. This should be good. I am thinking we get our faces done and then we stop by the pool hall and maybe play a little pool ourselves. Who's in?"

Rose and I both raised our hands at the same time. We all started planning our strategy for when we got near the boys.

Helena came and called us to our appointment. She and her two assistants were going to do our make-up. I wanted to look sexy so I asked her to help me in any way she could.

She started pulling out creams, powders, and brushes. She set to work and finished in no time. I turned to the mirror to inspect her work. Somehow she had worked magic. The dark shadow made my eyes appear large and seductive looking. The blush gave my cheeks a nice amount of color and it would cover my natural blushes that I hated so much. Helena finished off my lips with the most amazing shade of lipstick and for once it made my lips full and sensual, not fat looking. Helena was definitely a genius. I looked like a different person, but one that was very sexy. I hoped Edward liked it.

Alice and Rosalie came around the stall and we all squealed at the same time. All three of us looked hotter than ever. I couldn't wait for tonight to start.

We all got in the car and headed towards the pool hall. Sure enough, there was Emmett's jeep right out front. So we gave each other the once over and nodded our approval. We exited the car and sauntered towards the door.

Alice turned to me, "Bella, when we go in, pretend like we don't see them and don't know them. Make them come to us." She turned to Rosalie, "Rose, go and put on some music and start dancing. I'll pick a table far away from the guys. Bella order us a shot, nothing girlie, something tough. Something that will make their dicks hard at the thought of us drinking it, got it?" We all nodded and flung open the door.

It was dark inside; it took a minute to see after being outside in sunlight. But after a few seconds, I could see the guys at the far corner table. Edward had his back to me, and he was leaning over the table to take a shot. Alice had to stop me from walking over to him. Rose made her way over to the jukebox and played 'Use Somebody' by Kings of Leon. I knew that would get their attention, all three loved the Kings of Leon. As the guitar started the song, Rosalie began to half sway and half walk back to the pool table Alice had chosen for us. She stopped by the bar and came away with three shots and three beers. By this time, the guys had noticed us; they stood leaning on their pool cues and just watched. Edward's mouth hung open. Rosalie lined up the shots on the edge of the table and we each took a shot. We saluted the guys and threw them back at the same time. With the shot glasses slammed down on the table again, I grabbed my beer and took a long drink.

Alice went to the far end of the table and set up the balls on the table. She removed the rack and took her first shot. She pushed her ass pushed out as far as she could get it. She did well; she sunk four balls. She moved around the table and took her next shot, missing on purpose, so that Rosalie could take her shot. Rosalie took a different approach than Alice. She leaned down and stuck her chest out, causing it to strain against the already small bustier top she was wearing. Emmett gasped and started walking towards us; Jasper grabbed him and held him back. I touched Rosalie's arm and she moved off to the side to allow me to take the next shot. I leaned down and that caused my shirt to fall open at the sides. It showed off quite a bit of my rib cage and the side swells of my breast. Edward threw his cue on the table and came over to our table. Neither Jasper nor Emmett could get to him in time.

I felt his hand on my arm, and he pulled me against his body. He leaned down and whispered into my ear quietly, but I could feel the tension in his voice.

"Bella, you are almost showing off your breasts. Do you like having other people look at them?" He growled at me. I looked up at him and batted my eyelashes.

"Edward, does it bother you that others can see my breasts?" I asked coyly.

"Bella, I don't ever want anyone else looking at your body. I want to be the only one to look, touch, kiss, and taste your body. Promise me you will never show it to anyone else ever again." His lips ghosted across my ear as he said the last line. I shivered at his implication.

"But you have not made a claim on me, so how was I to know that you felt that way?" I whispered, afraid to meet his eyes.

"Bella, did the club or swimming not show you how I felt?" He brushed the back of his fingers along my collar bones and then up my neck. He stopped when he had my face in his hands. He leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips. He pulled away enough to whisper across my lips," Bella, I want you and only you. I have since I laid eyes on you on the porch. You are so sexy, do you know that?"

I shook my head. I couldn't trust myself to utter any words. He owned me, and I would do anything he asked me. I was beyond caring that the others were staring at us; I leaned up and kissed his lips. He pulled me closer and opened his mouth to deepen the kiss. I felt my knees give slightly when I felt his tongue enter my mouth. He tightened his arm around my waist. The sensation of his tongue against mine was causing images of all he could do to my body while I simply enjoyed the attention. I wanted him and knew that dinner was going to be the longest event of my life.

He pulled away enough so our foreheads were touching. He placed a small kiss on the tip of my nose, and sighed.

"Let's go and buy you some bookshelves, " he suggested.

What the fuck? Did he just kiss me and reduce me to a weak mass of girlie goo, and now he wants to just go buy bookshelves?

"Edward," I hesitated. "What?"

"Bella, we have an audience, so let's finish this later. I think we need some time to talk, and not in front of an audience." With that he gestured to the four stooges, who stood off to one side. Edward turned his head, and I shifted in his arms to fully look at them. They were shocked and staring. I mean open mouth stares, and when they noticed that Edward and I were looking in their direction, they all turned to appear busy doing something else. I almost laughed.

"You know Alice and Rose are going to corner me in the ladies room. What do I say to them?" I wanted to know his answer as much as they would.

"Tell them we are working on things."

That was enough for now. I wanted so much more, but that was enough for me until we could talk. I needed to hear what he wanted and his what his feelings were.

We turned back towards the group, and I cleared my throat to get their attention. I grabbed his hand and held on to it as I announced, "Edward and I are going bookcase shopping, are you four coming?"

They all nodded and grabbed their belongings. We walked outside to the cars. We only had two cars here at the pool hall, one that the girls arrived in and one that the boys arrived in. So now how do we arrange the transportation to the furniture store?

Emmett cleared his throat and suggested, "Boys in the jeep and girls in the BMW?"

I shook my head and stepped away from Alice and Rosalie.

"I am riding in whatever Edward is riding in." He took my hand and nodded.

Rosalie offered her suggestion, "Why don't you and Edward ride with Alice and me?"

I looked at Edward and he offered a small smile. I wasn't sure if we could turn down the offer; it sounded more like a command, but I had to admit that I was as scared as hell to get into that car.

Jasper and Emmett both took off for the jeep at an almost run. Pussy was what I wanted to shout at them. What a couple of big, strong, scared pussies!

Rosalie removed her keys from her purse, and we all walked over to her BMW. Rosalie unlocked the doors, and Edward held the door open for me. I climbed into the back and he followed me in. Alice took the front. She and Rosalie kept stealing small glances out of the corner of their eyes at each other.

I was concentrating on Edward. He sat close and held my hand. It felt like we were fourteen and on our way to the movies with our parents driving. Each time our eyes met, we would both break out into a shy smile and look away. I was in heaven. I could feel his thigh pressing against mine, and I swear it felt like I was sweating in my jeans. My body had been taken over by aliens and nothing was controlled by me anymore. I had a strange dizzy feeling in my head that made everything beyond Edward out of focus.

When Rosalie parked the car, we opened the door and Edward held my hand to help me out of the car. Rosalie rolled her eyes.

Emmett and Jasper walked towards us. They parked out on the street; I guess they thought that was far enough from the point of impact that Emmett's jeep was safe. Rosalie was known to explode on occasion. When they arrived, they looked from person to person trying to gauge the mood.

"Oh fuck, I will say it. Edward and Bella, what the hell is going on with you two? Please just spill it and let us get on with this evening." I loved Rosalie, she had no filter and every so often it worked in my favor.

I leaned into Edward's body and just looked up at him. He shuffled his feet and cleared his throat.

"Well, we don't know yet. We haven't talked about it." His response was timid, but at least he had the guts to respond, more than I did, so who could blame him for his lame response.

"Bullshit!" Damn Rosalie, why couldn't she ever take us at our word?

"Rosalie!" I almost squealed.

"Ok, fine. We are ready to ditch you four and go home alone. Is that what you want to hear? I am ready to pull her clothes off right here in your backseat, but I am trying to be a gentleman. I don't know if we are boyfriend and girlfriend. I wasn't lying when I said we haven't had a chance to talk; we haven't. I don't know what Bella feels, and until I do, we are not having this talk with all of you. So all of you can go to hell and leave us alone. Now are we going to buy the damn bookshelves Bella needs or not?" He was almost at full volume by the end of his speech.

And with that, we all walked off towards the furniture store. Edward and I lagged behind.

"Thanks," I whispered to him.

"Anything for you, " he responded.

When we got inside, I spoke to the salesman and explained what I needed and gave him measurements. He showed me three different sets. Alice and I chose the dark cherry wood set, as it would match my headboard. I paid him and he had his men help load them into Emmett's jeep, and we left for the restaurant.

We were seated at the same time our waitress arrived at the table. Alice held her hand up.

"Bring us two pitchers of Margaritas please." Alice was ordering for all of us.

"Wait, I want one of those beers that you import from Mexico," Emmett called out.

"Make it two beers," Edward responded. Jasper held up his hand and motioned to himself as well.

"Ok make that one pitcher and three beers," Alice amended.

She walked away and that left the six of us sitting at the table looking anywhere but at each other. I was ready for the alcohol to loosen us up. Maybe we could forget the tension. The waitress came back with the beers for the guys and our pitcher. Rosalie poured her glass full, one for Alice and one for me. We each took a large drink.

When we set our glasses back down on the table, it was like the tension was gone and we were just us again. I was glad to see that the tension was gone and we could go back to our normal atmosphere, just us hanging out. I have been worried that with Edward and I in our strange phase of a relationship, that it would make a difference in the whole group. Thankfully this was not the case.

Emmett and Edward were talking about putting the bookshelves together, and Alice asked me where I bought my shirt. I felt glad that we weren't going to drive the wedge between us as a group. I loved the whole group and how we interacted with each other. We all knew our place, and I was hoping that Edward and I didn't change that at all.

Dinner went well and we enjoyed ourselves. It felt effortless by the end and we all gathered in the parking lot.

Emmett tossed Edward his keys. "Dude, you will have to come and get me tomorrow to drive me to work."

Edward nodded and we slipped into Emmett's jeep. The drive home was silent. I think we both were trying to collect our thoughts. I knew that I had a million questions I wanted to ask him, but every time he looked at me, they flew right out of my head, and I was telling myself I would do anything to stay with him.

When we arrived home, we both carried the bookshelves into the house and set them down.

"I will carry these upstairs tomorrow and put them together for you, ok?"

I nodded at him.

He pulled my hand and led me upstairs. We went into my bedroom and he sat down in the chair by the window. I frowned at him and bit my lip between my teeth.

"Bella, don't look at me like that. I can't talk to you if I am close. When I am close, all I can think about is undressing you, so I sat over here so we can talk."

"Oh, ok."

"I am not sure what it is I feel for you right now. I haven't allowed myself to think about it yet. I have spent the last several days telling myself that I can't be with you. But I also know that I can't be without you, I feel like I can't breathe. I know that when you are in the room, I automatically gravitate to you, I can't help it. After last night, I now know that I can't sleep unless you are with me. And I know that I am fucked up, and I am not sure I can do this without hurting you, but damn, Bella, I can't be without you anymore. I have tried, but I can't. I don't have the strength to stay away from you." With that, he rose out of the chair and launched himself onto the bed with me. His body weight pulled us both down and he folded his arms around me.

He stared down deep into my eyes, as if willing me to feel what he felt. "Tell me, Bella. Tell me what you want and how you feel. I need to hear, tell me I am enough." I was shocked at the emotion I could hear in his voice. I was completely affected by him, and it caused me delight and surprise that he was just as affected by me. I leaned down and kissed his face.

"Edward, I feel like my soul is complete when I am with you. I feel like myself, no need to fake it, you know? I want to be better for you and make you proud. I want whatever you can give. We can do this and take it one step at a time. How does that sound?"

He nodded.

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**Review and let me know what you liked, disliked or even hated! Where is the Love, the love, the love? Come on hit the button!**


	6. Chapter 6 Sex On Fire

**A/N: This chapter has been cleaned up and is now actually ready for your sweet little eyes to read it. I'm so sorry if you read it before my wonderful beta's Sonja and Lexy got to it. It has been shortened to make it flow better. I promise the beta's only have one more chapter to go before they catch up to what has been posted, and then we won't have any more of these issues! I appreciate you for taking the time to read and I hope you enjoy...**

**Playlist:Sex on Fire-Kings of Leon, She's got a Way-Billy Currington, Untitled(How Does it Feel?)-D'Angelo, Closer- Kings of Leon, Wonderful Tonight-Eric Clapton**

**Don't forget that all the fun stuff is over on my profile, so head over and have fun!**

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Lay where you're laying, Don't make a sound

I know they're watching, They're watching

All the commotion, The kiddie like play

Has people talking, They're talking

Your

Your sex is on fire

Dark of the alley, The breaking of the day

The head while I'm driving, I'm driving

Soft lips are open, Knuckles are pale, Feels like you're dying

Your

Your sex is on fire

Consumed , With what's to transpire

Hot as a fever, Rattling bones

I could just taste it, Taste it

If it's not forever, If it's just tonight

Oh it's still the greatest, The greatest

The greatest

Your

Your sex is on fire

Your

Your sex is on fire

Consumed

With what's to transpire

Kings of Leon – Sex is on Fire

Chapter 6- Sex is on Fire

Bella's POV

Edward leaned in and kissed me. I could feel all he was trying to relay with his words in the kiss. He pressed against me and I could feel desire radiating out of him. I was caught up in it and it made me dizzy with want. I knew that tonight would not be like any sexual experience I had ever felt. I was usually shy and never felt like I had enough experience to initiate anything, but with Edward my desire took over and my body did what it felt. I felt like I was on fire, like it would consume me. I enjoyed the feeling and jumped in as deep as I could get. I wanted to taste him, experience him, and show him that we could have tonight. We would take care of tomorrow when it came.

I shut my brain off and just felt Edward's movements and allowed my body to respond to his. I reached over to him and cupped the back of his neck; I wanted him as close as I could get him. He turned into me and deepened the kiss. I felt him slowly draw his tongue across my bottom lip, and then suck it into his mouth. He backed away, taking my soul with him and placed small kisses along my mouth. I was melting into him.

I pulled back to allow my hands in between us and unbuttoned his shirt. I didn't want any distance between us, but I wanted skin to skin contact, to feel the heat and electricity that he caused my body to feel. I craved it, like any addict would crave their drug of choice. I couldn't get enough. When his shirt was unbuttoned, I pulled it off of his back and relished the feel of my exposed skin against his. He must have felt it as well, because he lifted my arms above my head and pulled my tank top off. I wasn't wearing a bra, the tank top didn't allow for one, so I was bare in front of him. He drew in a sharp breath and pulled away to sit up. I reached to cover myself, fearing his reactions to me. Alice and Rosalie always made a point to tell me 'What a hot bitch' I was, but they were different than Edward. Their rejection I could take, but his I could not.

He pulled my arms away and stood there looking down at me. He started at my head and moved over every part of me that was exposed to him. I could feel his eyes moving over my skin as soft as a feather when they took in the sight of my flesh. When he reached my waist, he put his hand behind my neck and pulled me up to stand beside him.

"Bella, my God. You are beautiful. Don't ever wear clothes again, promise?" he murmured against my temple.

I chuckled, "That is hardly practical, Edward."

I could feel his soft chest hair as it brushed against my nipples. Now I know how guys felt when they said they were 'so hard, it hurt', I was feeling that right now.

He lifted my arms again and placed them around his neck, and I curled my fingers into his hair. He slid his hands down my ribs and barely touched the outer swell of my breasts as he passed them, just like in the pool hall. I melted. He continued down until he reached my waist.

His hands drifted inward and traveled back up, this time they came in full contact with my breasts. He followed the outline of each one and then placed his open palms right on my nipples. The sudden contact made me gasp; the electricity was trailing his hands along the path that his hands traveled.

He moved until he held the underside of each breast and slid his thumb across the sensitive nipples. I let my head drop back and arch into him. He replaced his right hand with his mouth and pulled my nipple into his mouth, lightly nipping it with his teeth. The sensation caused a spark to develop in my stomach and travel in all directions.

"Edward." It was a plea for him. It was all I could utter, but it was enough.

He pushed me back down on the bed, and removed my belt. The cold metal against my skin was such a relief. It cooled my heated skin. I wanted him to press that belt all over me, and yet at the same time I didn't want to waste the time. I wanted him.

He unbuttoned my pants and slid them down off my hips. He discarded them and touched my stomach. He opened his palms and slid his hands over my hips and down my thighs. My legs involuntarily fell open. He reached up and pulled my underwear down. He followed their path with his mouth, kissing the skin on my stomach and down my hips. I twisted my hands back in his hair and shook with anticipation.

He flipped me over on the bed, so I was face down. He leaned over me and pressed his hard cock into my ass. I reached back and grabbed his thigh, pulling him into me.

"Bella, fuck, I have so many things I want to do to you. You tell me what you want." he demanded.

"You, your lips, I want them on me," I moaned to him.

"Where?" His voice was usually pure silk, but tonight he sounded like cold hard steel. It turned me on to know he was so full of need. Knowing that I caused the need he was feeling was the most powerful drug there was; it was turning me into its own personal slave. I would do whatever I needed to know this power and ecstasy over and over.

"Anywhere and everywhere, they feel good anywhere, just don't pull them away," I begged him.

I heard him unbutton his pants and slide out of them, followed by his boxers.

He dropped down to his knees. He took his hand, pushed my feet further apart, and leaned in to kiss the back of my knees. He kissed up the right leg, across my lower back and back down my left leg. His hands were caressing my hips and following his mouth. His pace was so slow, it was pushing me towards insanity. I needed him in a frenzied passionate way, and he was moving at a pace so slow my mind couldn't comprehend.

When he stood and leaned into me, I arched back into him, to feel his hard naked cock pressing into my ass.

A deep moan escaped from my throat, and he pulled my hair back towards him, pulling my body up towards his. He held my head back and pressed me into him. He slid his hand up from my stomach, over my breast, and up to my chin. He turned my head towards him and kissed me, plunging his tongue into my mouth. I kissed him back to show him my need for him, sucking his tongue into my mouth.

He turned and laid us both on the bed, him on his side behind me. One arm snaked under my body and reached up to grab my breast while his other hand held firmly on my hip. His mouth fell forward and began sucking on my shoulder and neck. My brain exploded into a million shards of light, I was soaring higher than I have ever been, knowing that Edward was taking me on this journey with his body.

He slid his hand from my hip down to the underside of my thigh and lifted it up. He placed my foot on his thigh. He slid in closer and slid his cock in place. His cock slid along my lips and rested against my clit, spreading my wetness all over.

"Yes, oh, Edward." I grasped for him trying to bring him closer. As nice as he felt outside my body, I knew he would feel even better inside.

"Relax, Bella, just feel and enjoy." He purred into my ear.

I felt his cock push past my outer lips and pause. I leaned back into him and he slid farther in. Edward was much larger than I was used to and he had to slowly work his way in, pausing often to allow me to adjust to his size.

Finally Edward could fully enter me, and he started a slow, deep rhythm. The sensations were building in my stomach, I was crawling towards the edge, or rather Edward was carrying me towards the edge. I was assaulted by sensations, his mouth on my neck, his hand on my breast and hip, and filling me with his cock.

I felt connected with Edward, our minds, our bodies and our souls. I knew that I belonged with Edward; no matter how hard he says this will be we belonged together.

Edward's hand on my hip held me in place as he kept up his warm, delicious thrusting behind me.

"Bella, can you feel me, how hard you make me? Come for me Bella. Show me you like it, show me, Bella." He demanded as he circled my clit with his finger, and when he applied direct pressure, it was more than I could take. I felt my body tightened with the tension, and shatter.

I heard Edward murmur to me "Yes, baby, yes. You feel amazing, fuck, Bella." I felt his body tighten as I felt his warm liquid enter my body. Knowing that his body reacted to mine in this way caused another orgasm to rip through my body. I could only cling to Edward's hip and enjoy the sensations that were assaulting my body.

I worked to make my breathing to slow down as I drifted back down to my bed. Edward was stroking my body and placing light kisses on my back.

"Bella, baby, you are so beautiful. I can't believe that I'm lucky enough to be with you." His eyes were so full of emotion, and I drank in every drop of it. I was the one who should be amazed that he was with me.

I turned to face him, wrapped my arms around him, and kissed his lips just as my phone started to ring.

"Why, surely Jasper wants a few minutes alone with that girl. Can you please talk to him about keeping her more occupied?" I sighed, turning away from Edward and grabbing the phone.

"Hello," I huffed my anger into the phone for Alice to hear.

"Bella, were you busy? Did you talk things out with Edward? What happened?" She launched in and didn't even take a breath.

"Alice, yes, I was busy. Yes, I talked things out with Edward, and no, you do not get to find out what happened. That is between us, Alice. I absolutely will not tell you what happened between us." I know she wasn't going to like that I was keeping things from her, but this was too new for us to share yet. I wanted to bask in its glow all by myself with Edward, before spilling the secret.

"Bella, I'm your best friend. Why can't you tell me what happened?" I could hear a frown in her voice when she spoke.

"Alice, it's because Edward and I are naked in bed, so I have better things to do right now, I will talk with you tomorrow and then you can find out what happened, ok?" I usually wasn't so bold or forth coming with Alice, but I guess that Edward has helped me change a lot. I kind of liked the change.

She must have had me on speakerphone because I heard several gasps. Well, at least they all found out at once and then no one would be hurt that they found out last.

I heard Emmett in the background, "Damn straight, about time for you two. Go get it Edward, woohoo!" like he was at a concert, yelling at the top of his lungs. At least he was in our corner, I wasn't so sure that the others would fall in line as easily.

Alice cleared her throat and said, "We will let you go and uh, finish what you were doing. I will talk to you tomorrow." She disconnected the line.

"Well, Edward, I guess they all know now. She must have had me on speakerphone. I heard a few gasps, but Emmett is stoked. He told you to 'go get it, woohoo', so at least he is in our corner." I smiled weakly at him.

"Bella, don't worry about it. We will deal with it in the morning. Can I stay with you?" He asked tentatively as he sat up, starting to get out of bed.

I grabbed his face and kissed him. "Of course, you think I would let you go after what we just shared?"

"I was hoping that you wouldn't, but one should never assume, so I figured I would ask."

I rolled my eyes at him and turned over to get comfy. He snuggled into my back, and we settled into sleep together.

I awoke to the shower in my bathroom running and saw Edward coming out of the bathroom door. He was dressed in a pair of jeans, but no shirt and no shoes. His hair was wet and he was freshly shaved. I was confused.

"Bella, love, come on I started a shower for you. Come on before all the hot water is gone. I'm sure with all six of us in this house we are going to need like a 5 million gallon water heater. Hurry, I will run and get breakfast for you while you shower. Get up girl!" With that, he smacked me on my ass.

I sat straight up in shock. "Edward Anthony Masen-Cullen, what the hell? Why would you wake someone up like that?"

He just smiled at me with that award winning-smile; I swear that man should be on the cover of GQ. I would buy that issue. As a matter of fact, I would buy two copies.

"Ok, if you don't mind taking a cold shower, suit yourself. I will be back in a few." The swagger that man possessed in his ass is undeniable.

He kissed my forehead and sprinted off down the stairs.

I stumbled towards the shower. I heard my phone at least four times while I was in the shower. Alice was going to be the death of me.

After my shower, I got dressed and started blow drying my hair. Three more phone calls during the blow drying alone, now it was becoming a matter of pride, I wasn't going to answer until I was good and damn well ready. Alice could stick it where the sun doesn't shine. Ok, so I would never say that to her face, but still I could think it to myself.

After my hair and makeup was done, I sat down in the chair and called Alice. She answered on the first ring.

"Isabella Marie Swan, what the hell? We have been friends for years and now you abandon me for a man, even if said man is my brother? That hurts. On top of that, you do it when the only juicy thing that has ever happened in your life is going on. Don't you love me?" She really sounded hurt. I felt bad; I should have at least given her a little information last night. I thought that being naked in bed with Edward would hold her off until today, but apparently I was wrong.

"Alice, it is not you. We had a talk last night that went, well it went a little farther than anticipated. We are still trying to figure out what we is going on between us. He is still reeling from his break up with Tanya, and I want to take things slow after Jake. So we aren't ready for a bunch of questions and definitions about what we have. We both just promised that we would take it slow and see what develops. That's all."

I wasn't sure if she would understand that. She and Jasper were waiting for each other and destined to be. Alice had dreamed of Jasper for months before she met him at the Cullen's house. Edward and I have taken a longer road to get to whatever stage we were at, so I wasn't surprised that Alice couldn't understand our hesitancy to call it love from day one.

"Bella, when are you ever going to learn? I told you I had a feeling about you and Edward; never doubt my feelings. How many times have I been wrong?" She had me there, she had never been wrong, and we all knew it. If Alice said it was to be, we all just took her word for it as if it had already happened.

"Alice, you have never been wrong, but there's is a first time for everything. I don't want it to be about me and Edward. I don't want to ruin our perfect circle we make, me, him and all the rest of you. That would pull us apart beyond repair. It would make all of you take sides and I can't have that. So please just let us figure this thing out, and I hope for the record that you are right like always." I giggled like a school girl; I was giddy with the emotion.

"Bella, figure out all you both want to. I just want details. Was it good? Was it everything you dreamed of? Is he big?" I cut her off with that question.

"Ewww, Alice, do you really want to know that? He is your brother that should be off limits for you to ask." I mentally shuddered at giving Alice details.

"Bella, he is not technically my brother, so yes, I want to know. Besides you are my best friend and that overrides any family ties. You are obligated by the BFF code to spill all details about your new lover." She drug out the word lover, like she was Carrie from Sex and the City. I giggled again; she knew I would cave.

"Ok, I will give you a few details." She cut me off.

"Wait for breakfast, Rosalie isn't here and if you spill details without her she will never let us live it down. See you in 20 at our usual spot." And she hung up.

I straightened up my bathroom for a few minutes, since I had time to spare. I realized that Edward showered in his bathroom, and for a small second, it hurt that he didn't stay in mine. I shook it off; he had all of his things in his bathroom, so no big deal. I was not going to let small insecurities get in my way.

I tried to call Edward's cell to tell him I was meeting the girls, but I heard it ringing in his room. I went in to check on it. I picked it up, grabbed a piece of paper off of his desk and wrote him a note.

I laid his phone back down on top of the note and started walking out of the room, but his phone rang again. I walked back to his desk and peeked at the caller id. I was expecting to see Jasper or Emmett's name; you know getting the dude's details. I was stunned; Tanya was calling. Why was she calling and why did he still have her number in his phone? I just stood looking at his phone. My brain kept screaming, WHY! I needed to get out of here and get some space. Surely there had to be a good answer. No, on second thought, with Tanya there was never anything good about her or what she does.

I arrived at the restaurant and practically jumped into our usual booth. I was frantic, the 10 minute drive didn't soothe my nerves at all, and I just kept coming up with more reasons that Tanya would call Edward and none of them were good. Before Alice or Rose could say a word, I practically shouted out my worry.

"When I was leaving, I went into Edward's room to leave him a note and Tanya called his cell while I was in there. What does that mean?" Alice and Rosalie both sat with stunned faces.

"That little fucking bitch, she has a radar for when he is almost over her and happy and then she does something to fuck him over again. I will kill her this time, I swear I will. She is going to be the death of him." Rosalie spat her words out, as if her thoughts caused a bad taste in her mouth.

"Bella, what did you do? What did you say?" Alice squeezed my hand over the table and leaned in to me, as if to try to hug me over the table. I grabbed her hand back. I needed her strength; and support.

"I didn't pick it up. I was too stunned. I didn't know what to do or say. I just let it ring and then placed it on top of my note and left. What does it mean?" I pleaded with them to tell me the answer I wanted to hear, but I wasn't sure what that answer was myself, so they were no help.

"Bella, just ask him. Tell him what happened and ask him why she would be calling. He will tell you she means nothing to him. You didn't see him the last time Tanya stepped on his heart. He finally learned his lesson and walked away from her. He is not stupid enough to ever get involved with her again. So don't worry. He'll be honest, I'm sure it is nothing." Rosalie was the voice of reason, and we all nodded at her suggestion.

The table was real quiet after that; we each were lost in our own thoughts. When our waitress came to take our order, we all skipped our 'usuals' and just went with coffee and bagels. We ate in silence and went our separate ways. Alice and Rosalie to the shop to open it, and I went back home.

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**The next two chapters were originally part of this one, so they may seem familiar. Sorry if that is the case, they are so much better now that they have been worked over. So go and read them. I promise I will have some new stuff up as quickly as I can. Give me a little love and hit the review button for me. Let me know what you think, go ahead I'm asking for it;)**


	7. Chapter 7 Hard Times Happen

**A/N: This chapter was originally part of the last chapter, so if it seems familiar, sorry! I will have a new chapter up as soon as possible. Do read this and send some love for my beta's, Sonja and Lexy, they work hard for you. I swear if they had a dollar for every time they corrected my sorry comma's they would have enough to actually be Stephenie herself! I'm sure they would both love that. **

**Playlist:Hard Times Happen-Josh Kelley(Acoustic version on iTunes is the my fav), So Unsexy-Alanis Morrissette(again, I love the acoustic version), Beautiful Disaster-Kelly Clarkson, Unbreak My Heart-Toni Braxton, So Close-Hall & Oates(wait for it...the acoustic version, I know I know, I'm crazy that way;))Who Have You Been Lovin-Bobby Long(for my RL BFF, she is so deep for Bobby! I wouldn't kick him out a bed myself)**

**On with the show....**

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The day you walked into my life was like a hurricane inside

I couldn't walk, I couldn't talk

It happened to me.

I took you deep inside my world, I made you want to be my girl

You couldn't walk, You couldn't talk,

You know it happened to you.

Hard times happen

Can you hear fate saying

I told you so, look at you now, do you really want to give in?

This time around there's no way I can let you down

Cause I'm here and I plan to stay

I've seen the other side, your light shines brighter than the best

I want you for the rest of my days.

Josh Kelley-Hard Times Happen

Chapter 7-Hard Times Happen

Bella's POV

I opened the front door of the house and found the boxes for my bookshelves lying in the foyer. I stepped over them and went upstairs. My stomach was rolling, I was so nervous. What would I do if he admitted talking to her, or worse wanting to see her again? I shook my head and tried to clear my thoughts.

"Edward?" I called out to him about halfway up the stairs.

"In here, love," he called from my bedroom. I was surprised, I expected him to be in his room, doing I don't know, whatever he does.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to have this conversation in my room, the room where we realized that more was going on between us and the room where Edward and I spent our first night together. I would have preferred it to be in his room so we didn't tarnish what we had in my room.

I walked into my room. He was sitting on the floor and was surrounded by the pieces of the bookshelves. He looked adorable and slightly pissed off.

"Edward, is everything okay? You look mad," I questioned.

"No, everything is fine. I'm not sure who writes these directions but they are stupid. I have a college degree, Bella, and I can't make heads or tails of this shit. I swear they do this on purpose to confuse us men. I have tried several different things and nothing is working. I'm almost ready to pay someone to come and put these things together." After his bout of verbal vomiting, he smiled at me, "Sorry, how was your breakfast? It was over way sooner than I expected, what gives?"

"Oh well we didn't really talk about that much. Something else came up and we ran out of time. Alice and Rosalie had to get to the shop so we agreed to talk about it later." I sort of shrugged, hoping he wouldn't ask what was so important that we dropped the biggest news any of us had since we lost our virginity in high school.

"Oh well, that's good for you, right?" He shrugged.

"Yes that is great for me. How was your morning? I know see the bookshelves, what else did you do?"

"Nothing, just this." He was again trying to read through the directions. I figured now was the time and I dove right in.

"Did you see your phone on your desk? I tried to call you to tell you about breakfast and I heard it ring in your bedroom. I wrote you a note and left if on the note so you would find both, did you? Find both I mean?" He looked up at me from the floor and nodded. I didn't think he was really listening to me. So I went in deeper.

"Oh, glad you did. I heard your phone ring again after I laid it on the note. Did you see the missed call? Was it important?" I hedged, and I was angry at myself for not just asking what the hell Tanya wanted with him. I swore that I was going to be more assertive and not so sheepish, but that was going right out the window.

"No, I didn't see any missed calls, only yours. Did you see who it was that was calling; maybe I need to call them back?" He asked absently as he stared at the instructions.

"No, no, I didn't see, I was across the room when it rang, I just heard it ring." I lied to him, and I felt terrible. I needed to find out some answers and I couldn't get them by lying to him and then demanding that he tell the truth.

"Oh well. Whoever it was will call again if it was important, don't you think?" I nodded at him. I was afraid to try to use my voice, I wasn't sure if it would betray me to Edward or not.

I sat in the chair watching him. Finally, he gave up and declared the bookshelves the winner.

"Is it okay if I wait for Em and Jasper to help me? Apparently I'm not smart enough to do this by myself." He stalked towards me as he asked. He was pure grace and sex as he moved towards me.

I stood up and nodded at him.

"Edward, I think I'm going to go down to the shop with Alice and Rosalie. They mentioned that they needed help entering some inventory into their new software. I volunteered to help for a few days until it was all done. I'll be back later." I leaned up and kissed his nose and walked out of my room.

I practically sprinted down the stairs, out the door and around to the Audi. I was so thankful that Esme insisted that I take this car; I couldn't ask Edward for anything right now, much less his car. I already felt trapped, and I didn't need to add to the feeling.

I drove to Twilight Originals, the clothing boutique that Alice and Rosalie opened last year. They both were in the back room opening boxes of clothing. They looked up as I entered the back room and ran to me at the same time. I guess my face said all I needed to say.

"He denied the call." I whispered, flopping down onto the floor of the back room.

"He what?" Alice and Rosalie both said at the same time.

"Well technically, he didn't deny the call; he says he only saw my missed call." I responded, while picking at a loose thread on my hoodie.

"What did he say when you told him that it was from Tanya? Did he explain why he was even getting a call from her?" Rosalie pressed me.

"Well, I kind of didn't bring it up. I asked him if he saw his phone and the note I left. He said he did, and I said well I think that you were getting a call as I left your room. And he said 'I didn't see a missed call other than yours', and I said oh. So I chickened out; he had to have seen her call, I saw her name. Her name didn't just get erased by itself. He had to have known she called, and if he knew and didn't say then he lied. I'm not sure I can start this off with a lie. What do I do?" I sobbed.

Alice sat down and held me while Rosalie paced. She did all of her better scheming while pacing.

"I can have Jasper ask him about it, if you want." Alice offered.

"No because someone would have to have told Jasper about the call and he knows I'm the only one who would have known about the possible call, so that won't work. What else?" I sniffed very un-lady like.

Rosalie turned to face me, dropped her hands to her hips, and said "Just ask him Bella. Don't be afraid of him, you fucked him last night and you can't ask him about a phone call?"

I dropped my head; it should be that simple, but it wasn't. I knew the hold that Tanya seemed to have over Edward and I was so afraid that she would push us apart. "What do I say, 'oh Edward by the way I was in your room and saw that Tanya called. What does she want?' That doesn't sound at all like a bitter harpy."

Alice patted my hand, and said "Bella, trust me. You know I have a way of knowing things will be fine, and I know this will be fine. You and Edward deserve to be together. Nothing will come in between that." She smiled and I soaked it up. I wanted her to be right this time. I smiled back.

"Now, on to better topics. Jasper and I have decided that we can't wait for almost two months to move in, so we are packing up now and we will start moving our stuff this weekend. We will keep all the big stuff at our apartment until the downstairs is done and then we can all decide what to bring to the house and the rest I will store. So what do you think?" Alice was excited; she wanted all of us together more than anyone. She was beside herself that all of this worked out.

Rosalie was almost to the front room; she turned on her heels and rushed to Alice's side.

"What? If you're moving in this weekend, then so are we. I don't want to be the only one not at the house, missing the fun. I will call Emmett and let him know. I know he has missed his boy time, with us all living separately. He will be stoked!" She grabbed her cell phone and dialed as she stepped out the front door of the shop.

"I think I will call Edward and see what he is doing. Maybe he has something to tell me," I said sheepishly.

I dialed the number and waited. He picked up sounding out of breath.

"Hello?" I could hear him breathing in the receiver.

"Hey, it's me. What's wrong? You sound out of breath." He was moving around in the background, not looking in my panty drawer I hoped.

"Yeah, I finally made some head way with your bookshelves, but I still really should have an extra pair of hands." I felt guilty for leaving him alone while he was trying to do something for me.

"Do you want me to come back and help?" I asked, really just wanting to be with him, close to him.

"No, you are fine. I called Jasper, he said he needed my help with some stuff this afternoon and then he will come over tonight and help me with the bookshelves. So we are good, your room is just a bit of a mess until we can finish it up tonight. Maybe you can stay in my room tonight, and we can clean your room tomorrow?"

"Sure, Edward, that's fine. Thanks for even attempting to put together those bookshelves, I really appreciate it. Do you want me to pick up something for dinner? How long will you be with Jasper?" I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I'm sure that I sounded ridiculous as I vomited out whatever came to mind.

"I think we should be okay for dinner. I will ask Jasper and call you back later to let you know." I heard him still talking, but all I could think was Tanya's call. Why did she call? What did she want? Was I strong enough to fight the hold she had on Edward?

"BELLA, hey are you still with me?" Edward was shouted into the phone.

"What? Sorry I guess I kind of drifted off, what were you saying?"

"Bella, are you sure that everything is okay? You have been a little strange this morning. Is this about last night? Do you feel differently in the light of day?" I could hear the hurt in his voice.

"No, Edward, that has nothing to do with me being off. I just have something to work through. It is no big deal. I just need to face something head on and be done with it, I promise." I thought that I tactfully danced around my issue without telling him.

"Just promise me that you will come to me if you need help with any of this, you promise?"

"Of course, Edward, I promise." I was basically lying to him; this was never something I could go to him with.

"Okay, I'll call you later to let you know about dinner. Have fun with the girls." He switched gears and went right back into fun Edward again.

"I will thanks. Talk to you soon?" I wanted to keep the connection between us, but part of me was furious with him. How could he think that not telling me was the right thing to do?

I was still fuming when Alice and Rosalie stepped back into the back room with me.

"Okay, worker Bella, come with me and I will show you all the shit we need to get logged into that computer and maybe you can help me figure out the new accounting software Jasper's tech guy sent to us." Rosalie motioned with her finger towards the office and I followed her in.

After several hours of entering the shipments and making sure all the prices were entered correctly, I stood to stretch my legs. I walked out to see what Alice and Rosalie were up to. They had finally unpacked and hung all of the clothes, so I now had a few more pages to enter.

Alice stood off to one corner and she was murmuring into her cell phone. I tossed my head in her direction and mouthed to Rosalie 'who'.

"Jasper," she whispered.

"Why are we whispering?" I asked in a whisper myself.

"Jasper is not happy about the move this weekend so they are trying to come to an agreement, which basically means Alice is threatening him and Jasper is too scared to give up sex so he will give in. This is her calm after the storm; you should have been in here a few minutes ago. She scared off two teenagers." She turned to look at us and gave a dirty look to Rosalie.

"Did you call Emmett? What did he say about the move?" I was hoping he took the news a little better, I was eager to have some other people in the house besides me and Edward.

"You know Emmett. He could only think of the Grand Theft Auto marathons and all the other video games he would finally have someone to play with him, so he is cool. Besides, I started off the conversation by saying that if he wanted to see me naked again anytime in the next five years he had better just say 'yes honey' and not argue. So he said 'yes honey' and we were done." She tossed her hair over her shoulder and moved over to the jewelry counter to clean it off.

"I'm glad you guys will be there this weekend, and it will be so cool to finally be all together again, you know?" I asked her.

"Bella, cut the shit. You are scared to be with Edward, and I don't know why, just ask him." She tossed at me over her shoulder as she walked towards the front door.

I took a couple of quick steps to catch up to her and she turned to Alice and yelled.

"We're going to run and grab some food, watch the store and I'll bring you back something."

Alice just nodded.

My phone rang as I got into Rosalie's BMW. It was Edward so I answered the call.

"Hey" I voiced timidly.

"Hey, beautiful, I talked to Jasper and we'll grab a bite in between his stuff and ours. Did Alice tell you that they are moving in this weekend?" I could hear Jasper grumbling in the background, they must still be working out their solution. I chuckled.

"Yeah, a few minutes ago, actually she is still on the phone with Jasper working out the details, but Rosalie told me. She said she and Em will also be moving in this weekend, and you know how Emmett is he can't miss anything." I tried to keep the call light and steer away from the topic I wanted to discuss. I needed to prepare myself for his answer before I approached the subject; otherwise, I would just start crying and we would not be able to discuss anything.

"I won't be late, we will finish up some stuff for Jasper and then come and put together the bookshelves. Then we can head off to bed, sound good?" He offered, his voice sounding so hopeful and excited.

"Can we just skip all the other stuff and head off to bed now?" I pouted.

"Bella, as good as that sounds, Jasper needs my help so I can't cut out on him, but we will get there soon enough, I promise." He chuckled. "I better go. Jasper is yelling and weaving off of the road, I need to help him. Bye love."

It scared me that he had begun to call me love. I wasn't ready to use words and names like that yet, especially if he was already starting things with Tanya. I was smart enough to know that Edward could bring me to my knees faster and harder than any man I had known so far, and for that matter would ever know. I was suddenly scared of what I had started with him, could I survive him walking away? I decided that tonight we would talk about his phone call from Tanya, at least if he was talking with her again I needed to know so I could start pulling my heart back in and start making some distance between us, to protect myself and my heart.

"Rose, I'm going to talk to him tonight about the call." I said with a small amount of finality in my voice.

"Good. Trust him, Bella. I know we tease him about being a playboy but you two are different, I promise." She patted my leg and smiled at me trying to reassure me.

The afternoon passed in a blur of logging inventory, laughing and Alice screaming at Jasper. He wanted to wait and not move in when Em and Rosalie were moving in as well. He thought it would be too confusing with both of them moving on the same weekend. They agreed to disagree for now; she didn't like being angry for too long at Jasper, because it hurts her heart she says. I could hear the edge in Jasper's voice over the phone, he was about to crack and give in to her wishes. He didn't like the disagreements any more than she did. I was inspired by their relationship, each of them always had the others wishes in mind above their own and gave away more than they took.

I wanted our relationship to equal Jasper and Alice's; I wanted us to have a perfect relationship. I know perfect is a pipe dream, but I wanted a real soul mate that was my best friend who could give me hot sex whenever I wanted it. Is that too much to ask for? I don't think so, that is what scared me, I was sure that Edward had the potential to show me all of those things and more, but would we last long enough to see it?

Rosalie was vacuuming and Alice was cleaning down the display cases while I backed up all the data and then we were heading off to dinner without our boys. Emmett gave in and went to help Edward and Jasper, so we were girls only.

My mind kept playing over and over what I wanted to say to Edward, and I was mentally drained by the time dinner was done. It was a solemn affair; Alice was still hurt from her disagreement with Jasper and I was still in a fog about Edward, so Rosalie dropped us off and went to find Emmett for some "real company" she says.

Alice ran into Jasper's arms as soon as she saw him standing in our living room, and wrapped her body around him to pull him as close as humanly possible. They leaned in close and whispered to each other; they were making their peace and it was a beautiful sight to see.

I felt Edward's hand on my arm and I turned to see him standing beside me. I folded myself into his arms and clung to him. After being away from him all day and worrying about our talk, I was drained and I needed his strength to help me. He, without question pulled me close and held me. I felt him kiss me on my head and whisper to me several times. I'm not sure what he said, but I'm sure of the emotion he was trying to convey to me. I was so thankful that he always knew what I needed at the exact time I needed it. Even in high school when we were kept at arm's length by Tanya, Edward knew when to call and check on me or send me a note to tell me everything would be fine. I smiled at the memories of his caring and pulled away so I could see his face. I smiled up at him and he leaned down to whisper into my ear, "Are you okay?" Then he nuzzled his nose along the outside of my ear.

"I'm fine now. I just missed you that's all. I think I'm finally at peace with what I have been struggling with all day and now I'm ready to talk about it, tonight in bed. Does that sound good?" I knew he was anxious about this talk.

I stepped out of his embrace when I heard my phone ring. I grabbed it out of my purse and answered Esme's call.

"Hey Esme what's going on?" I asked.

"Bella, are you busy? I got a few things to tell you about the kitchen." I moved to sit on the couch and Edward followed me, leaving Alice and Jasper in their own bubble to work things out.

"No, I just got home. So what's up with the kitchen?"

"Well I came over and talked with John. We moved the pantry and refrigerator over six inches to meet code for the electrical. I also wanted you to know that the appliances will be delivered tomorrow, and possibly the cabinets as well. Is there anything on your schedule? Could you possibly wait for the delivery? I have a meeting with a client, otherwise I would wait for them myself. I hate asking you to do this but I have no choice." I could hear the regret in her voice.

"Esme, don't be silly. You are spending a fortune to give me my dream kitchen and you are worried about asking me to wait for a few deliveries. I don't have anything else going on tomorrow anyway." My whole day was open so I could hang out and wait.

"Bella, you are a doll. I can't say thank you enough. The delivery men should set them in the laundry room. John and his crew won't be there tomorrow, so make sure they do it for you and not just drop them off. They are terrible about that."

"When were you here today? I didn't see you and I left a little after 11. Was there something wrong that caused you to come out here?" I was worried that she had to work extra for our kitchen.

"No, we just realized that our plans were different than the ones we submitted for the permits and we needed to move the other stuff for the electric, so to make sure we were on the same page I came down to see John and we worked it out. No big deal, I promise."

"Well, sorry about the extra work. It will be done soon and we can all eat a big meal together, I can't wait. Thanks again for making the kitchen perfect." I was so blessed by this whole family.

"I 'm so happy that you'll enjoy it. You are my only hope for those poor kids of mine to eat well, so I'm happy to do it. Speaking of kids of mine, a little birdie told me that you and Edward are sort of trying things out. When did this come about? Not that I'm complaining, I think you are the one girl that could truly make him happy." I swallowed the lump in my throat only to have it followed by another, what the hell? I wasn't going to have a conversation with a woman who was my mother, for all intents and purposes, about falling in love with her son while he was in the room.

"Well, something like that. What are you doing for lunch tomorrow, maybe we could meet and talk then?" I asked hoping she would be free, and I could get out of the fifth circle of hell right now.

"Sure Bella, meet me at noon at my office and we will go to lunch. Tell Edward to stay put and wait for the deliveries for you. And tell him I said goodnight. See you tomorrow, Bella, love you both." She finished softly and I could see her eyes getting all soft just thinking about Edward and I together. She tried to talk Edward into asking me out in high school but Tanya moved to town and I didn't stand a chance after he saw her.

I felt Edward move beside me and I looked up to see his eyes deep in thought.

"You alright?" I asked him, it felt good to be the one to ask instead of having to answer the question myself.

"Yeah just wondering how scared I should be that you and Esme are going to lunch to talk about me tomorrow." He laughed and pushed me up off of the couch.

As some point in our conversation, Alice and Jasper snuck out the door and went home. I was glad to know they were finally at peace with each other.

Edward closed and locked the door; we closed all of the blinds and headed upstairs. He pulled me past my room and into his.

I took a deep breath when I entered. His room always smelled like Edward and I love his smell.

He pulled me close and kissed me gently on the lips. I felt the heat of his mouth and knew he wanted to deepen the kiss and take things right to bed, but he knew I wanted to talk, so he pulled away after one kiss.

"Bella, run and change, and we can talk." His simple command immediately put my heart rate into triple digits; I could feel it beating out of my chest.

I walked into my room and grabbed something to sleep in, nothing sexy since I wanted Edward to concentrate on what I was saying and not on getting me undressed. I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth, washed my face and changed. I put my clothes in the hamper and brushed my hair. I knew I was stalling, so I turned out the light and went back to Edward's room.

He was in his bed and reading when I came back in. He laid his book on the nightstand and turned to face me.

"Is talking in bed cool, or would you like to move to the chairs?" He asked taking this talk very seriously.

"No, here is fine." I climbed in beside him and leaned against the headboard.

"Edward," I began my voice shaking. "I was in your room trying to leave you a note about meeting Rose and Ali today. When I was leaving I heard the phone ringing. I came back and picked it up expecting it to be Emmett or Jasper, except it wasn't." I paused for a moment. "It was Tanya." I could see the shock on his face at her name. I pressed on quickly before I lost him." I didn't answer it. I was shocked to see her calling you. I just laid it down and left to meet Rosalie and Alice. When I got back home, I asked you about a missed call and you said you didn't have missed calls. I was wondering why you didn't tell me about her calling and if there was something going on I needed to know about before we take this too far." I was waving my hand between him and I to indicate what 'this' I meant.

He sat quiet for a few seconds and ran his hands through his hair. He dropped his head and then turned to look at me. He was searching my face; I could feel his eyes on me.

"Bella, I didn't get a call from Tanya. I checked my phone after you mentioned a missed call earlier and I didn't see any call. Are you sure you saw Tanya's name, I'm not even sure that her info is in my phone anymore." He looked into my eyes and waited for my answer.

I was furious, how dare he question me about her.

"Edward, of course I'm sure. I saw her name. I can read. It was Tanya and she was calling you. Now I wish that I had answered it so I would have a message to deliver and then you would believe me. I can't even believe that you doubt me, why would I make this up?" I was climbing out of the bed as he was leaning across reaching for me.

"Bella, wait. I don't know, just wait." He stammered.

I stomped over to his phone and flipped it open. I searched his contacts for her name, no Tanya. I changed menus to the missed calls and didn't find her name there either. I turned to look at him. He was frozen in place, half standing half sitting in bed. His face registered shock and worry.

"Did you see it and erase her name, Edward?" I yelled at him, hate rising up with each word. He was always saying to everyone that honesty was best and now he was lying to me. I knew he lied to his family, well a lie of omission but a lie none the less. I wasn't sure the Edward I knew was even in there anymore, he was definitely different.

"Bella, I don't know what you are talking about, I didn't do anything to my phone. I never saw her name there, I swear. Please calm down and let's talk about this. I'm sure there is some explanation. Come back to bed, Bella, please." He was pleading, but for the first time ever his soft green eyes and beautiful face wasn't going to get him what he wanted. I wasn't going to be his next in line.

I turned on my heels, tossing the phone to him as I left the room. I marched to my room, slammed the door, locked it and began to get dressed.

I grabbed my keys and purse. I had them in my hand when I opened the door. Edward was standing there as I expected. He grabbed my arm as I tried to push past him.

"Bella, love, please listen to me. I promise I didn't erase anything. It wasn't there, I don't know what happened or what you saw, but it doesn't matter. I promise it doesn't matter to me. Please stay."

"Have you lost your mind? I don't care if it matters to you. It matters to me. She was calling you, Edward. I'm not going to stand around and wait for her to come here and lay her hooks into you again. I don't want her following you everywhere you go. If you aren't willing to cut her loose, I'm not willing to start anything between us. I don't want my heart broken, Edward, don't you understand that?" I shook all over, I needed to get out now, I was going to cry and I didn't want to do that in front of Edward.

"Bella, please calm down. You are in no shape to be driving, please just stay. I do understand and I promise I'm not lying about her calling and her number," he pleaded.

I cut him off, "And how am I supposed to believe that? You lied to your family. You admitted that you lied to protect yourself. What makes this so different? How do I know that this is different and you are telling the truth? I can't. I can tell by the look on your face you don't have an answer for me, which is answer enough." I rose and walked towards the door. He stood rooted in place, his eyes wide with shock and fear.

"I'm going to Alice's. I'll be back tomorrow," I said as I closed the front door.

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**You know what to do at the beep so do it....just kidding, leave me some love! **

**And if anyone can find the Robsten pic of them kissing, send me those as well! eternallyaddicted said she saw them on E!, but I swear I can't find them anywhere. Help a sister out....**


	8. Chapter 8 Come Back to Bed

**A/N: I don't know that I really have anything to say that will impress you so just go and read!**

**Playlist:Come Back to Bed-John Mayer, Forever-Rascal Flatts, Ain't No Sunshine-I like the Kris Allen version, but there are many to love-pick your fav,Mess I Made-Parachute(love the live version on iTunes live from SoHo), Hemorrhage-Fuel, What About Now-Daughtery(I like the American idol version on You tube)**

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Still is the life of your room when you're not inside

And all of your things, tell the sweetest story line

Your tears on these sheets, and your footsteps are down the hall

So tell me what I did, I can't find where the moment went wrong at all

You can be mad in the morning, I'll take back what I said

Just don't leave me alone here, it's cold here baby

Come back to bed, Come back to bed

Come back to bed, Come back to bed

What will this fix, you know you're not a quick forgive

And I won't sleep through this, I survive on the breath you are finished with

You can be mad in the morning, I'll take back what I said

Just don't leave me alone here, it's cold here baby

Come back to bed, Come back to bed

Come back to bed, Come back to bed

John Mayer-Come Back to Bed

Chapter 8- Come Back To Bed

Bella's POV

I climbed into the Audi and started towards Alice and Jasper's place. I was barely out of the driveway when my phone rang, Jasper was calling.

"Hello."

"Bella, Edward is on the phone with Alice. He's frantic, something about a fight and you're heading to our house. Is everything okay? Can you drive? I can come and get you." He was worked up, family meant everything to Jasper, and I could tell that this was not going to be good for them with the two of us on different sides of this argument.

"Jasper I'm fine, I haven't even started crying yet, I was waiting to get there before I let it go. I promise I'll be there in 15 minutes." I deliberately slowed my breathing and calmed my voice during my speech so Jasper would wait for me and not try to come and pick me up.

"Okay, but you stay on the phone with me, so I know if you need help."

I chuckled under my breath at him, he really was a worrier.

"Tell me what happened. Alice is on the phone with Edward so I haven't heard anything, I just know it is bad." He encouraged.

I explained to him about the call and me asking Edward about it. I told him about Edward's cover up and our fight about it. "Jasper, I don't know what to say. Maybe he isn't the person I thought he was. How can I trust him? He admitted to lying to all of you about Tanya following him out to college. How can I trust him?"

"Baby girl, Edward is the first one to preach on truth. I don't think he would just give all that up for a phone call. Besides he admitted to me about Tanya following him. He gave me some good reasons for not letting all of us know at the time. I think there may be an explanation. Bella, he doesn't want to start anything with Tanya. He is done with her; she put him through hell when she moved out there with him. He really is done with her, trust me. I would never lie to you, you believe me?" His slow, lazy drawl calmed my nerves. Tears were streaming down my face. I wasn't sure why I was crying, for me or Edward. Either way, I was in their driveway.

"Jasper, I'm here, I'll be right in." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, preparing myself.

He opened the car door and folded me into his arms. He walked me in the house and over to the couch, I cried and he held me. Not talking, just supporting.

Alice eventually got off of the phone with Edward and came to sit on the other side of me. She wrapped her arms around me and hummed to me. I eventually cried myself out and sat for a few minutes. Jasper got up and went to the kitchen. He came back with a bottle of water, handed it to me and sat again.

"Ok Bella, let's hear what happened." Alice whispered to me, but it sounded so loud in the quiet house.

"Well, after you two left and I got off of the phone with Esme, we went upstairs. I decided that I was going to ask him about the call from Tanya. I changed in my room and went to Edward's room with him. We got comfy on the bed and I just told him about leaving the note, finding the phone and hearing it ring. I told him I thought it was Jaz or Emmett, so I went back to pick it up and tell them he would be back soon, and then I saw her name. I told him I didn't answer it just left it ringing. I asked him why he didn't tell me about it and he said he checked his phone and didn't have a call from her and her name wasn't in his phone. I checked it myself and she wasn't in there, so he must have erased it. I got angry and said I wasn't going to wait for her to follow him around and get her claws into him again. I told him I didn't want my heart broken and I was coming over here. He just kept saying that it was a mistake somehow, and he didn't know what happened to the phone. He asked me to stay and not leave. I yelled at him about lying to all of you about Tanya and how was I supposed to believe that this wasn't a lie now, and he couldn't answer me. I left and came here. What do I do Alice? I want to be with him, but I can't wait for him to hurt me and run back to her. What kind of demon spell does she have over him that he does whatever she wants?" I stuttered.

"Bella, I know I may be speaking out of turn but Edward does have a no lying policy, many times he has made Emmett and myself tell the truth, I don't think he would change that for even Tanya. Are you sure there wasn't some other explanation?" she asked gently.

"Alice, how could there be any other explanation? I held the phone in my hands and saw her name pop up on the screen. There is no other explanation! And I don't really care about the call, he can't control what she does, but he shouldn't have kept it from me. I will always doubt him and I don't see how that can do anything but hurt us. What is the point of trying to form a relationship that is doomed from the start? I couldn't take the heartbreak, not from him." I whispered the last part, hoping that Alice and Jasper wouldn't catch the significance of that statement. He is the one person that could wound me beyond repair. I shuddered, when did I fall so completely in love with Edward? Since high school, we had only laid eyes on each other three days ago.

After a while, Jasper left us. We crawled upstairs and into her guest bed. I know she was conflicted and didn't want to take sides, and I loved her for staying with me. I needed comfort and she was the only one to give it to me right now. I lay there for a long time trying to think if there was any chance I had been wrong, or of any way Edward could be right, but I couldn't think of any. It hurt me to think that that happy future I thought I had a shot at a day ago was now gone. I also worried about the effect this would have on the group. Alice stayed with me all night while I slept.

When I woke up the next morning, Alice was gone but she had laid some clothes on the end of the bed and left me a note to feel free to stay as long as I liked. I stayed in bed until a little after ten, and then I only got up because I promised I would meet Esme for lunch. I wasn't sure I could make it through lunch without breaking down. I also wasn't ready to spill the truth to Esme about Edward and Tanya yet either. I thought that was his story to tell and not my business. So I did what I knew would work, I called Alice and she called Esme. She gave her the heads up about the fight and told her to not ask questions. Esme agreed so I left at 11:30 to meet up with her.

I parked the Audi and walked into the restaurant. I joined Esme at the table she was seated at. She smiled at me and said, "You know you can come to me if you need to, right? It doesn't matter who the other party is. I'm here for you just like I'm here for all the rest of them." She hugged me. I cried again, thinking of my mother and how much I missed her.

"Thanks, Esme. I just need some time to figure things out." I tried to smile at her but I'm sure it didn't come across as well as I wanted it to.

We talked and enjoyed lunch as well as we could with a big black cloud hanging over my head. Esme had a way of putting me at ease and allowing me to be myself without feeling like I was wrong. I loved her so much for being supportive of me while knowing when not to push too much. She paid for lunch and we hugged in the parking lot. I got in the Audi and watched her leave. I grabbed my phone and turned it on. I had 12 missed calls from Edward and several from Rosalie as well. Edward had only left one message for me.

"Bella, please, I'm sorry I reacted poorly and I don't know what to say. Please give me a chance to show you that I will never lie to you, I swear. I need you to know that you are more important to me than anything or anyone. I mean it. Please call me and let me know you are okay. Please, call me, love. I need to talk to you, just to know what you're thinking. I know you need time, I'll give you that as long as you want, but I just need to know you're okay. "

I almost caved in and ran home to him. We could work this out together, but I couldn't allow that kind of torture to my heart. I knew that if I forgave him, he would run off with my heart and I would be left with the devastation to clean up afterwards.

I did at least owe him a phone call, so I dialed the number and he picked up on the first ring.

"Bella, love, you okay?" He asked, his voice sounded dry and scratchy.

"I'm fine, Edward. I spent the night with Alice and Jasper and I just finished lunch with Esme. You sound terrible, are you okay?"

"If I say no, will you come home to me?" He asked honestly.

"No," I answered just as honestly.

"I figured. I don't know what to say Bella. I need you to believe me that I had nothing to do with the phone and I don't ever want to talk to or see Tanya again. That is the truth. I don't know what happened with the phone, I do believe that you saw the call, but I promise that I didn't do anything to erase the numbers. So we're right back at the starting point. Only you can decide, but Bella, know this. I have never been as happy as I have with you the past three days. I don't know where this is going, but I really want to find out. Bella, I need you." His voice broke on the last line, and I believed that he was telling the truth about the phone and how he felt.

"I have to call Rosalie, and then I'll be home." I whispered.

"I'll wait for you." His simple sentence held so many meanings and I hoped that he was able to fulfill each of them with me.

"Thanks." He hung up and I dialed Rosalie.

"Bella, how are you? What can I do?" She skipped all greetings and went right to the information that she wanted to know.

"I'm fine, Rosalie. Thanks. Sorry I didn't call you last night, I was a little too upset. I just talked to Edward and I'm heading home after I talk with you. I don't know what to do. He said he was sorry for how he reacted and told me that he doesn't want anything to do with Tanya. He also said that he believes that I saw Tanya's name on his phone, but promises that he didn't erase it. He doesn't know what happened. He sounded like he was in agony and I believe him. I'm just so confused. Maybe I overreacted, I don't know I just know that I'm going to go home and see what we can do about this. "

"It's okay. Edward called us when he hung up with Alice because he wanted her to be able to take care of you so he called us. He talked with Em for a little while. I knew that you were in good hands so we stayed at home and waited for you to get some sleep. I would have come over if you needed me, but Edward said that Alice and Jasper were taking care of you so we didn't come. " Rosalie finished and I was blown away. She was always so abrupt that it is hard to imagine Rosalie with human girlie feelings.

I was also stunned that Edward took care of me even when I didn't know he was doing it. I was his first thought last night. A trait that I thought that would be so easy to come by in a mate, but was lacking in every guy I had ever dated. Jake came the closest, but fell short most of the time. And here was Edward in his pain thinking of me. I needed to go home now and work this out.

I sped off towards Edward and what I really wanted.

Edward's POV

I could tell that Bella had something on her mind, as she was distracted and wouldn't meet my eyes. I was scared that she was having doubts about us. I would need to talk to her tonight about this and hope she was ready, because I was going to go insane if she held out on me any longer. I'm surprised by how easy things were with us, and I didn't want any obstacles between us.

Jasper and I sat patiently waiting on our girls to come back. Jasper was ready to make up after their moving fight and I just wanted to hold Bella again. I heard them pull into the driveway and my heart speed up at the thought of seeing her.

She walked in behind Alice. She stepped back and watched Alice launch herself in Jasper's arms and just chuckled. God, she was beautiful.

I walked over to her and placed my hand on her arm, she turned towards me and I hugged her in my arms, placing a kiss on her head. I murmured sweet nothings to her, telling her how good she smelled and how beautiful she was right now. I said them as quietly as I could, I was afraid she would be scared off by my show of devotion to her. "Hey, you okay?" I asked and then I nuzzled my nose along the outside of her ear. I couldn't help it, she always smells so good.

"I'm fine now; I just missed you, that's all. I think I'm finally at peace with what I've been struggling with all day and now I'm ready to talk about it. Does tonight in bed sound good?"

Finally we can talk this out. I was so excited to get things out in the open and settle them. Just as I was about to pull her in for a hug, her phone rang. She answered it and moved to sit on the couch, so I followed. I sat sideways facing her and I could watch her as she talked. I could hear Esme's voice through her phone. I heard Bella confirm lunch with Esme and then blushed as she deflected the subject of our new relationship. Her face was calm again, the worry now gone. Her eyes were clear and bright, she usually looked like this when she spent time with Alice and Rosalie. I guess all the laughter made her eyes shine like that. I picked up a strand of hair and played with it, it was so soft and smelled so good. I noticed her looking at me, so I let the hair drop.

"You okay?" She asked me, I had to shake my head to concentrate on her words.

"Yeah, just wondering how scared I should be that you and Esme are going to lunch to talk about me tomorrow," I answered, and then I laughed and pushed her up off of the couch. I wanted to get her to bed as soon as possible, first to clear the air and then to hold her in my arms.

I closed and locked the door; we closed all of the blinds and headed upstairs. I pulled her into my room with me to remind her that we were sleeping in here tonight.

Something about Bella called me to her body without my permission, not that I would have denied it if I was asked. I held her close and kissed her on the lips. I wanted to feel her against me, I have never craved a woman's touch this much, and usually it was just the sex that gratified me. But with Bella it was different, I wanted to feel her not just feel sex with her. I had to work to force myself to let her go so she could get ready for bed and we could talk. I had discovered that I also loved talking with Bella.

"Bella, run and change, so we can talk." I had to get her out of my room now or we would be talking in the morning and right now we would be in bed naked together.

I could hear her moving around in her bathroom, and wondered what was taking her so long. I was getting nervous about our talk and I wish she would get in here so we could get it out in the open. I finally heard her footsteps as she was walking down the hall towards me. I grabbed a book and pretended to read so she wouldn't think I was waiting on her. I don't know why it was important, but I felt like I was supposed to let her lead tonight. When she came into the room, I laid the book aside and flipped back the covers for her.

"Is talking in the bed okay, or would you like to move to the chairs?" I wanted her to choose so she was comfortable.

"No, here is fine." She climbed in and bit her lip in between her teeth.

"Edward," Her voice was shaking. "I was in your room earlier today, trying to leave you a note about meeting Rose and Ali for breakfast. When I was leaving I heard the phone ringing, I came back and picked it up expecting it to be Emmett or Jasper. Well it wasn't, it was Tanya. I didn't answer it; I was shocked to see her calling you. I just laid it down and left. When I got back home, I asked you about a missed call and you said you didn't have missed calls. I was wondering why you didn't tell me about her calling and if there was something going on I needed to know about before we take this too far." She was waving her hand between us.

Shit her words hit me like a ton of bricks, Tanya had called me. What did she want? Why after all this time? I didn't need her anymore, and now she was tracking me down and ruining what I may have with Bella? I sat quiet for a few seconds trying to figure out what to say to Bella, how to make her understand that Tanya had no hold on me now. I would never again fall for Tanya's tricks and be pulled back into hell with her. I then turned to look at Bella and search her face for a clue as to what she was thinking, hoping to find belief there. She held my gaze, probably looking for an answer from me as well.

I answered her honestly, but I didn't want her to think I was calling her a liar either. I had to answer carefully. "Bella, I didn't get a call from Tanya. I checked my phone after you mentioned a missed call earlier and I didn't see any call. Are you sure you saw Tanya's name? I'm not even sure that her info is in my phone anymore." I looked into her eyes and waited for her to see the truth there.

Her face twisted with anger and she sat up on her knees on the bed to tower over me. "Edward, of course, I'm sure, I saw her name. I can fucking read, it was Tanya and she was calling you. Now I wish that I had answered it so I would have a message to deliver and then you would believe me. I can't even fathom that you doubt me, why would I make this up?"

She was climbing out of bed, and I reached across for her to pull her back in. I didn't want any more running away; I wanted to deal with this, her and I right now. I wanted peace with her and the only way we could get it was to solve this now.

"Bella wait. I don't know, just …just wait." I stammered.

She headed across my room to the desk and grabbed my phone. She pressed several buttons in rapid succession and I knew she was checking my phone for Tanya's name and info, it wasn't there. She turned to look at me. I was frozen in place, half standing half sitting in bed; I was worried and shocked that she would doubt me so fully.

"Did you see it and erase her damn name, Edward?" She yelled at me. I could hear the anger in her words and see the emotions cross her face. What had I done that she would doubt me so completely? I'm sure she saw a call but perhaps it was someone else, why didn't she believe me?

"Bella, I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't do anything to my phone. I never saw her name there, I swear. Please calm down and let's talk about this. I'm sure there is some explanation. Come back to bed Bella, please." I pleaded with her.

She just turned on her heels, tossed the phone at me, and left the room. She walked down the hall, slammed the door, and locked it.

I jumped up and grabbed my jeans and pulled them on. If she was leaving, I would need at least to be ready to follow her and make sure she was safe.

She had her keys and purse in her hand when she opened the door; I was standing in front of it hopefully blocking her path enough that she would stay here and not leave. I gently grabbed her arm as she tried to push past me.

"Bella, love, please listen to me. I promise I didn't erase anything. It wasn't there, I don't know what happened or what you saw, but it doesn't matter. I promise it doesn't matter to me. Please stay." I begged her again, I was scared for her to leave, and scared she would get hurt if she drove while she was upset, but more scared that if she left we would not be able to fix this.

"Have you lost your mind? I don't care if it matters to you. It matters to me. She was calling you, Edward. I'm not going to stand around and wait for her to come here and lay her hooks into you again. I don't want her following you everywhere you go. If you aren't willing to cut her loose, I'm not willing to start anything between us. I don't want my heartbroken, Edward, don't you understand that?" She was screaming at me now, and she shook all over.

"Bella, please, calm down you're in no shape to be driving, please just stay. I do understand and I promise I'm not lying about her calling and her number." Please let this get through to her, because I didn't want her to leave.

She cut me off, "And how am I supposed to believe that? You lied to your family; you admitted that you lied to protect yourself, what makes this so different? How do I know that this is different and you're telling the truth? I can't, I can tell by the look on your face you don't have an answer for me, which is answer enough." She had me and there was nothing I could do to argue the point, she was right. I had lied to my family about Tanya and it didn't look like I was going to come away from this without sounding like a jerk. I stood rooted in place by my fear.

"I'm going to Alice's. I will be back tomorrow," she said as she closed the front door.

I fell to my knees and grabbed my phone. I dialed the only person who could help me. I called Alice. She answered right away.

"Edward, what are you doing calling me so late? I figured you would have Bella wrapped up in bed with you." She laughed.

"Alice, I need help. Bella just left. She said she saw Tanya's name on my phone, she said Tanya called me. She mentioned it to me earlier that I had missed a call and I checked my phone; there was no call, only one from her phone. I don't know what to do. If I deny it, she thinks I'm calling her a liar, but I can't admit to something I didn't see. She's real upset Alice and I'm afraid for her to drive. Please call her and convince her to let you come and get her, anything but don't let her drive." I begged my sister to help me and keep Bella safe.

"Jasper, get your phone and call Bella on her cell, talk to her. She's had a fight with Edward and he's worried she's too upset to drive. " I could hear her saying to Jasper in the background.

"Edward, Jasper is going to call her and get her to let him come and pick her up somewhere. Stay on the phone with me until we get through to her. Why don't you start from the beginning and tell me everything, because I feel like you're leaving out a big part of the whole story." I should have known better than to try to sneak the short version past Alice. She always knew more of what's in my head than anyone ever. So I told her everything, starting with me leaving for college. I told her about Tanya coming out and moving in with me, about the drugs and helping her buy and use them, and about dropping Tanya off at rehab and moving here. She whistled when I was done, and said exactly what Jasper said. "Edward, why did you think you needed to hold this in? We could have helped if nothing else but to listen when you needed to talk, don't you ever shut me out of your life again, promise?"

I let out a dark chuckle and promised to include her from now on.

I could hear Jasper talking in the background, so I assumed Bella was stubborn and wouldn't let him come and get her.

"Is she okay, Alice?" My voice broke again, and I cleared my throat.

"Yes, Jasper is talking with her. She sounds calmer now, and she is almost here," Alice answered. I was so thankful for Jasper; he had a way of influencing people and swaying them to his point of view. Many times I have walked away from a conversation scratching my head trying to figure out how he got his way. I hoped Bella was not immune to him.

I heard Bella enter their house and she was sobbing again. I dropped my head and tears silently fell from my eyes to the floor below me.

"Alice, what do I do? How do I fix this? I can't lose her," I asked so softly I wasn't even sure she heard me.

"Edward, I don't know. Let me see how she is and I'll let you know. It will be fine Edward, it may take work, but it will be fine. Don't worry she'll be fine here. Let me send Jasper to be with you, okay?"

"No, Alice you both stay and take care of her, she needs you more. She needs Jasper, he has a way with her, let him stay. Take care of her, I need her."

"I know, Edward, I know. I'll call you later."

"Bye."

And she hung up.

I paced around the living room for a few minutes and decided to call Rosalie and Emmett. Maybe they would have an idea to help me.

I dialed Rosalie and waited.

"Edward, what the fuck? This better be good, it's late." Rose hissed at me.

"Rosalie, I've fucked things up with Bella. I need help." I said simply, she wouldn't need extra words and expressions.

'What happened?" She asked as she put me on speakerphone. I assume so Emmett could heard as well.

I went over everything that happened and waited for their answer.

"I'm going to have to kill that bitch one day, I see it coming, why didn't you just let me do it in the beginning and save us all a lot of trouble?" She asked.

"I regret that now, trust me, I regret it. How do I help Bella?"I asked again.

"Well that depends on where Bella's mind is at. She talked to us today about the whole denial thing; I can tell you that she's scared that Tanya has a hold on you that you can't break. She is afraid that she'll fall in love and then you'll run off with Tanya and hurt her. I can't blame her; she's scared that's all. Let me talk to her and see if I can come up with anything." Rosalie offered. "Here talk to your brother." I heard Emmett shuffle closer to the phone and then pick it up so we could talk, I guess in private.

"Ed, you ok?" Emmett asked with a serious tone that he didn't often use. He called me by the nickname he gave me when he first came to Carlisle and Esme's. I hated it but he only used it now when something was serious, and it had become special to me.

I started crying, unashamed for him to hear me. "Em what am I going to do? I can't lose her, it's Bella. She's perfect, and I will never find another like her again. I need her." I sobbed and he just listened.

"Edward, we'll find a way to fix this. I don't know how but you know we are all here and there is no way she is getting away from all of us. I will run her down; it won't be hard; you know she can't run at all, man." He chuckled and I did as well. I appreciated his ability to lighten the mood.

We talked for a few more minutes and I let him go. I love my family for so many reasons, and this was the biggest. They dropped anything for you when you needed them.

I walked over to the couch and laid down, I knew there was no way I was going to sleep upstairs without Bella, so I settled for what we had, a couch.

Jasper called me back, I was anxious to hear about Bella.

"Dude, is she okay?" I asked nervously.

"She'll be fine; she's calm again. She and Alice are sleeping in the guest room. I think she feels so much for you already and she's scared that all those feelings will be for nothing if you run off with what's her face. I think it's time for you to spill the whole story about Tanya and tell her the ugly parts. She'll feel better knowing that you have a good reason for not wanting to ever be with Tanya and that your relationship with her is not just a whim. Give her some time and then call her and tell her you need to talk with her, explain it all. I'm not saying you need to admit something you didn't do, don't do that. Just concentrate on what happened at college and make her understand that even if Tanya did call you that you don't want anything to do with her. It's cathartic to come clean. So try to rest, it may help you make sense of it all as well, and call Bella in the morning."

"I will, Jaz. Thanks for taking care of her."

"Any time, man, anytime."

I wandered around the living room, and then went upstairs and sat in the doorway of Bella's room. I just looked at all the stuff in her room and wondered at the meaning or memories behind a few of a few things she had. I drifted back downstairs and lay out on the couch again. I waited for Alice to call me so I would know that Bella was up and I could call her.

I called several time and she didn't answer. I didn't leave a message I figured that she wasn't ready to talk to me yet. I waited and called again, I knew she was probably at lunch with Esme. I left her a message this time.

"Bella, please, I'm so sorry I reacted poorly and I don't know what to say. Please give me a chance to show you that I will never lie to you, I swear. I need you to know that you are more important to me, Bella, than anything or anyone. I mean it. Please call me and let me know you are ok. Please, call me, love. I need to talk to you, just to know that you are fine. I know you need time; I will give you that as long as you want. I just need to know you are okay. "

I sat on the couch and waited for her to call me, the seconds seemed to take forever. She called at 12:49 p.m., after her lunch was done I guessed.

I picked up on the first ring.

"Bella, love, you okay?" I asked, my voice sounded like a chain smoking lounge singer, dry and scratchy.

"I'm fine, Edward. I spent the night with Alice and Jasper, and I just finished lunch with Esme. You sound terrible, are you okay?" She sounded tired and weary. I wanted to pull her into my arms and let her sleep until she felt better. I had to get her home with me.

"If I say no, will you come home to me?" I answered with what came to my mind.

"No."

"I figured. I don't know what to say, Bella. I need you to believe me that I had nothing to do with the phone, and I don't ever want to talk to or see Tanya again. That is the truth, I don't know what happened with the phone, I do believe that you saw the call, but I promise that I didn't do anything to erase the numbers. So we're right back at the starting point. Only you can decide, but Bella, know this. I have never been as happy as I have with you the past three days. I don't know where this is going, but I really want to find out. Bella, I need you." My voice wasn't the strongest and it broke on the last line, I hoped she didn't think of me as weak; I only wanted her to see how much I needed her.

"I have to call Rosalie and then I'll be home," she whispered.

"I will wait for you." I would wait as long as I had to, just to hold her again. I would spend every day showing her that she is the most important thing to me now.

"Thanks." She hung up.

"You are my life now." I knew she didn't hear it, but I needed to say it anyway.

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**Go and see the fun stuff on my profile! **


	9. Chapter 9 Wherever You Will Go

**A/N: Thanks for those of you still hanging out there! Glad to be back posting for you:) I think that I have worked out a regular schedule for posting-I will post a teaser on The Fictionators web site on Monday, and the full chapter will be posted either Monday night or Tuesday morning. I hope that works for you all! **

**Thanks again to my lovely beta's-Lexy and Sonja, you both are so freaking amazing! eternallyaddicted, as always, thanks for all the talks and advice. I love baseballward more than you will know, keep it coming! mommymac0508-where the hell are you, haven't heard from you in a while, let me know how you like it! Finally thank you to all of you who have come over from The Fictionators, I hope you enjoy.**

**Playlist (cause you know there will be one):Wherever You Will Go-The Calling, I Love You-Sarah McLachlan, She is Love-Parachute, Home-Michael Buble, Scare Me-Kenny Chesney**

**All sorts of fun stuff on the profile so go and check it out.**

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**If I could, then I would, I'll go wherever you will go**

**Way up high, or down low, I'll go wherever you will go**

**And maybe, I'll find out a way to make it back someday**

**To watch you, to guide you through the darkest of your days**

**If a greater wave shall fall and fall upon us all**

**Well, then I hope there's someone out there who can bring me back to you**

**I know now, just quite how my life and love might still go on**

**In your heart, in your mind, I'll stay with you for all of time**

**If I could turn back time, I'll go wherever you will go**

**If I could make you mine, I'll go wherever you will go**

**Wherever You Will Go- The Calling**

**Chapter 9- Wherever You Will Go**

**Bella's POV**

I drove back into the driveway to see Edward sitting on the steps of the front porch. He always ran his hands through his hair when he was nervous or stressed. Right now it was standing straight up. If his hair were a correct gauge, I've never seen him more stressed than now. It bothered me to see him in this state and more so because I was the reason behind it.

He met me at my side of the car before I could shut off the engine. As I opened the door, he took my hand. His eyes connected with mine. I noticed the difference in the color; they were a deep jade green now. Edward's eyes were the windows to his soul, the color changing to reveal his emotions. The lighter the color, the happier and more at peace he was.

When I was fully standing, he hesitantly pulled me in for a hug. His body strained to keep its distance from mine, yet he laid his head on my shoulder in a very intimate fashion. I stepped closer to him to let him know that I needed and craved the contact just as much as he did.

I was at war with myself. One half wanting to be angry and not trust him, the other half telling me this was the Edward I knew before Tanya and he wouldn't hurt me. Quite frankly, I wasn't sure which part was going to win. I knew without any distractions, we could be the most amazing couple, but life was full of distractions. Could he break away from Tanya? Could I fully trust him if he does? I needed to hear what he had to say and take some time to decide what I wanted.

"Bella, I'm so glad you're here, I'm sorry. I wish I had something bigger and better to describe what I feel but that is the only word that works." He stepped away from me. His chin dropped down, his eyes not meeting mine. Defeat was written in his body language. "I think it's time to tell you the full story about me and Tanya. Then you'll understand why the phone call doesn't matter and why I don't ever want anything to do with her again."

The look in his eyes was tortured and I was suddenly scared to hear what he had to say. It couldn't be good when his eyes were that worried over it.

I led us around the house to the covered swing in the back yard. I wanted as much open space around me to process what he had to say as I could get. I didn't want to be trapped inside. Both of our emotions were hanging on by a thread and I felt we needed the vastness of the night sky to keep us grounded together. I was hoping that we would realize that we were so small in the grand scheme of things. I was hoping that this would put us on even playing fields and I was hoping that this would show Edward that I wanted to be his equal, allowing us to work through this.

He sat down and I placed myself close to him, but not quite close enough to touch his body. He turned so he could look into my eyes, took in a shaky breath and started his story.

"Bella, I'm sure you remember when Tanya moved from California and we started dating almost right away. I was in love from the moment I saw her. She had something about her that made me want to be close to her, some of it was her looks; I'm man enough to admit that much. The more time we spent together, the more I realized she had a personality that was sweet and perfect on the surface, but the more you dug into her, the less appealing she became. I tried to create distance from her and she freaked out, threatened to cause harm to herself. She told me she was having a hard time at home and that her dad was having an affair and her mother was not taking it well. So I gave her another chance; we were fine for a while, normal high school stuff." He said, shaking his head as if even the memories caused him pain. During his pause, he took my hand in his.

"She was always very obsessed about me cheating on her and I tried to tell her that I wasn't interested in anyone else. She was especially jealous of you, she didn't like you at all, I'm sorry that I allowed her to dictate the rules of our friendship. I guess she was able to tell that you were as close to me as Alice and Rosalie, but you were not my sister like they were. I guess that made you enemy number one," he, chuckled sadly and stared off into the night for a few minutes before he continued.

"She was angry at me for not wanting to go to the Prom after-party with her. I wanted to go home with all the rest of the gang and hang out with them. I was never one to drink and party, she should've known that. But she relished the King and Queen of the prom title that all of her friends gave us and wanted to flaunt it. I didn't. She got mad and threatened to find someone who deserved her. I told her that was okay with me and I left her there. I came home and hung out with Jasper, Emmett, Alice and Rosalie. She called the next day and said that James took her home. She said that he had been trying to go out with her for a while and she wanted to break up. I told her fine. We didn't see each other at all after graduation. I had been at Dartmouth for almost a year when I heard a knock at the door and she was there, she just showed up at my apartment. She looked terrible. She said her parents were getting divorced. Her mom was real depressed and hardly got out of bed. She broke down and cried. She told me she was sorry about the prom incident, that it was just her stress talking. She said James treated her terribly, and she never loved him. She was trying to make me jealous. I had never seen her that broken, Bella." He turned to face me again, looking into my eyes. I'm not sure if he was looking for understanding or just making sure that I hadn't shut down yet. I nodded and smiled at him to continue.

"I believed her story. She seemed genuine. She begged me to forgive her and take her back. I figured that we would be fine here in a new city, start over fresh, you know?" He glanced at me from the side of his eyes, I nodded at him again. I wanted him to know I understood but didn't want to interrupt the story he was reliving.

"We, again, were fine for a while. Tanya stayed at the apartment and played housewife for me. I went to school and we spent the evenings wandering around the city, and for the first time, I was enjoying myself with her. We were carefree until the semester I took a night class. I wanted this particular professor for my Anatomy class, so I had to take the class in the evenings to get him. I came home one night and Tanya wasn't there. She had left a note to say she decided to go out. I didn't think anything of it, I was glad she had done something on her own. She came home real late that night and was a little drunk. I wasn't worried because it had never happened before, so I figured she just got a little carried away her first time. Well, I was wrong. Eventually she started going out regularly, day or night it didn't matter. Suddenly she had quite a few new friends that I never really got to know. They would always rush out together when I came home, so that made me a little suspicious. One evening she came home so excited. She was so proud that she had found a job. I knew that she was never happy about me paying for everything, so I was glad that she would be working. I also thought that she would have less time for these new 'friends' she was developing." He used his fingers to make air quotes around the word friends.

"Boy, was I wrong. She took a job at one of the clubs that she had started hanging out in with her new friends. She was going to be a cocktail waitress; I tried to explain to her that I wasn't happy about the job. She yelled at me that I wasn't happy about her working; she accused me of being angry that she wouldn't be at home to take care of me. She said I only wanted her to be my maid. I tried to explain that I didn't care about her working, I was happy that she had something that was hers, something she could feel proud of. I explained that it wasn't the job that I minded, it was where she worked that I minded. She could get a job anywhere but just not there. I tried pleading with her, explaining to her that she was better than that. I was trying to do anything to make her give up the job. I was really scared for her to be in that environment. I could see she was headed down a path I didn't want for her. She waved off my feelings. She made a big deal about being proud of herself for pulling things together and getting a job. Her emotional state did seem to be improving so I let it go and tried to trust her."

He let go of my hands and placed his hand on his thighs. He clasped them together, and then leaned his head down on them. I could see his hands shaking as he held his head. I reached over and took his hand in mine again, and squeezed to offer my encouragement.

"Bella, it got much worse. She came home late every night and was drunk all the time. I tried to talk to her, but she would cry. She'd yell at me, asking me who I wanted more-a slightly tipsy Tanya or emotionally distraught Tanya? So I let it go. I noticed new habits and ticks. Habits and ticks which led me to believe that she had began to use drugs. I snooped around one night while she was at work and I found evidence in her make-up drawer. When she came home I talked to her and told her she either needed to give them up or move out. I didn't want to have anything to do with that lifestyle. She cried and said she wanted to quit. She claimed that she never wanted to start but she gave in to the peer pressure of her new friends. I'm so stupid because I believed her. I wanted her to be okay and never believed that she would be so _deep_ into the lifestyle of drugs. I thought that wanting her to be okay was enough to make it that way. And again, she was okay for a few weeks. I noticed an improvement but she didn't quit her job. On Tuesdays, I had class from 8 until 5 usually, but one Tuesday my Professor needed to leave early so he let us go around 2p.m. I rushed home excited that I would get to spend some time with Tanya before she left for work. That was something we got very little of then… time together. I arrived home to catch her fucking someone in my bed. In my bed, Bella. I was in shock. I left and didn't come home for two days. I stayed at the dorm with a friend. She had no idea where I was, she was frantic. When I did come home, she had some info on a counselor that helped with drug addiction. She begged me to believe that it was the drugs that led her to sleep around and she would never do it when she was sober. I made her admit that she had never stopped drinking or doing drugs, she just slowed down enough to make me think she had. I was stunned. She went and talked to the counselor. He wanted her to check into rehab but she told him no. She was scared and told him no because it was too expensive. I thought there was more was going on, so I offered to pay for it, which she refused. She said she hadn't been doing drugs that long and that she could stop on her own. I did what I could to help her. Once she started going through withdrawals, she was pitiful. She was shaking, sweating, vomiting, and crying. She begged me to call this guy she knew and buy her just a little. She said, with my medical knowledge, I could help her use smaller and smaller amounts until she had weaned herself off of the drugs without the harsh symptoms. She was miserable and I felt terrible for not being able to help her. I told her no but she begged until I gave in. I know it's awful but I just wanted to help her. I couldn't take seeing her that way. I did love her, Bella, and she was in pain, I couldn't take it. I bought her some drugs. I helped her take a small amounts, smaller each time until she was almost off of them." He drew in a shaky breath before he continues.

"Her friend stopped by one day as I was leaving for class. She walked me to the door and said not to worry this friend was never into any kind of drugs. They would stay home and just hang out. I got home that night and she was trashed. She was lying on the bathroom floor with her clothes ripped off, her make-up was smeared and she had vomited on herself. I called an ambulance, and they came and took her to the ER. I followed her and told the Doctor what she had been doing. I left out the part about me helping in any way. The ER doctor told me that she would be required to be checked in for in-patient treatment. I gave him her dad's number and left her there. I went home, called Carlisle and packed up to come home. I was done with school, so I had no reason to stay anymore. I was offered a resident position but I asked Carlisle to find one closer to home for me. And here I am. I fucked up, Bella; I helped her do something that almost killed her. I should have known better, I was studying to be a Doctor for crying out fucking loud. I was dumb enough to condone and buy drugs for her." He was shaking all over and I was sure that tears were falling from his eyes. I was afraid to wipe them away for him. Afraid that he would misinterpret my actions as pity, so I just sat and waited for him.

"I haven't told Carlisle or Esme any of this yet. I told Jasper when we went to work out the other day and I told Alice last night while we were on the phone. I need to come clean to Carlisle and see what I need to do. I'm just scared, that what I did goes against everything he has taught me as a father and as a doctor. I feel responsible for Tanya's descent into hell. I should have seen it, should have stopped it, I should have done something more than what I did. I think I may need some help to get over this."

His breathing was labored and his chest was heaving with the effort. He looked tortured and his anguish showed on every move his muscles made.

"I'm not sure what I can give you, Bella. I know the kind of man you deserve and I don't think that I'm that kind of man anymore."

He dropped his head into his hands and began to softly cry again. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and just held him. I whispered things to him, funny things about us growing up, sweet things that I knew he did for me. Whispering how much he loved his family and anyone who loves their family that much must be a good person.

Slowly, after his crying was done, Edward wrapped his arms around me and gave me a squeeze. He stood and pulled me up with him.

"Bella, I'm glad you came home for me. I feel better getting that off of my chest and I realize that I need to tell all the rest of my family before I can do anything else. I think I'm going to go and stay with Carlisle and Esme for a little while, get things straight in my mind and decide what to do about this. I'm sorry to abandon you right now, but I feel like I can't get anything else right until I fix this. You're so important to me, Bella. Like I said I can't remember the last time I was this happy. Thank you for giving that to me and thanks for allowing me back into your life. I won't ask you to wait for me to get this right but I do want you to know that I know you're the perfect woman for me."

He leaned down and gave me a kiss- a small, hesitant, gentle kiss. One that was full of regret and sorrow. I prayed that this was not the last kiss I would get from him. He pulled away and walked towards the house. I let him go in alone. I sat there for a little while thinking about what he said; I didn't blame him at all for anything that happened with Tanya. I understood where he was coming from and why he did it; it actually proved to me the depth of his love. He was blinded by love. Walking away took more love than staying with her; I recognized that he didn't give himself enough credit. He was a good person and a great man.

All at once, I felt stupid and petty for going on about the phone call. I know we didn't talk about the call and it was the reason behind our disagreement, but now I realized why it wasn't important. Edward would never go back to her. She could call until she was blue in the face but he wouldn't be interested in what she had to say. She took his love and used it to take advantage of him. She twisted him until he didn't recognize himself. Even though he was blinded by love, he was able to recognize that she wasn't. She was needy, not in love.

Edward could have been any man. She only wanted one that fit all of her qualifications. He just happened to be a great student, popular, great looking, on several teams, comes from a great family and rich. Edward was too much of a gentleman to correct her when she was a bitch to others. So she had the perfect arrangement and she used him.

I allowed my anger to boil over and I wanted to scream. I was afraid Edward would hear me and I didn't want to worry him with my emotions right now. So I sat still and watched the stars in the sky.

I heard Edward shut the back door and get into his Volvo, start the engine and drive off.

Pulling out my phone from my purse, I called Alice and by the time she picked up I was sobbing.

"Alice, I'm at home, I talked with Edward and he just left. He told me about Tanya. How do I help him?" Most of what I said was unintelligible from the sobs. I don't know how she was able to interpret it but she did.

"Bella, just sit still. We'll be there in about 10 minutes." She hung up.

I sat in the backyard sobbing and worrying about Edward until I heard the loud engine on Emmett's massive jeep roar down the driveway. I turned to move towards the approaching vehicle, needing the comfort of my friends. Before it had come to a full stop, Emmett was out and running to me. He picked me up and carried me into the house, trying his best to comfort me.

This was a side of Emmett that he rarely showed; as a matter of fact, the last time I saw this side of him was when Charlie died. Charlie was my dad. I know most people don't call their parents by their first names, but for some reason it worked for us. During the week of Charlie's funeral, Emmett was perfect. He knew what to say and do without worrying about what was appropriate. He made me laugh when things were getting too serious, once even recreating the cemetery scene from Steel Magnolias. Emmett offered up Rosalie in Wheezer's place for me to slap, causing all of us to fall over with laughter. That was his goal, after all. For that week, I felt like Emmett and I were closer than Alice and Rosalie and I had been.

"Bella, don't cry baby girl; we'll help Edward. He'll be fine. There is no way we're letting her win by dragging him down with her. He has you now and he'll be fine, just trust me. I swear Bella that I'll walk into the deepest part of hell to bring him back. I promise, just trust me." Emmett sounded broken and close to tears himself. I wrapped my arms around him and held on to him like he was the only thing holding me together.

Alice directed Emmett into my room and he sat me down on the bed. I grabbed his arm as he turned to leave.

"Emmett, go find him and make sure he's okay, please. I can't have him alone after letting all of those emotions out, he needs someone. Go to him, Emmett." I held onto his shirt and pleaded with him. He nodded and walked out of the room.

Alice and Rosalie were both pulling clothes out of the drawers for me to sleep in. I undressed and pulled on the yoga pants they gave me. When Alice handed me a tank top to wear, I threw it on the floor. I walked out of my room clad only in my pants and bra. I walked into Edward's room and flipped on the light. He had been in here a few minutes ago and if I breathed in deep, I could still smell him. I opened my eyes, realizing that he had taken some clothes with him. At least that is what I hoped explained the half opened drawers and clothes scattered around. I grabbed a t shirt from the open drawer and walked back into my room. I sat on the bed as Alice and Rosalie came to sit with me.

Alice handed me a piece of paper folded in half. I met her eyes questioning what she was doing, she just shrugged.

"It was on your nightstand, it's from Edward. I recognize his handwriting."

I opened it and began to read his words.

**Bella,**

**I have so much more I want to say to you, but I don't think I could get the words out right. So I'm going to use someone else's thoughts, please forgive me.**

**So lately, you're wondering who will be there to take my place**

**When I'm gone, you'll need love to light the shadows on your face**

**If a greater wave shall fall and fall upon us all**

**Then between the sand and stone could you make it on your own**

**Well if I could, then I would, Well I'll go wherever you will go**

**Way up high, or down low, I'll go wherever you will go**

**And maybe, I'll find out a way to make it back someday**

**To watch you, to guide you through the darkest of your days**

**If a greater wave shall fall and fall upon us all**

**Well, then I hope there's someone out there who can bring me back to you**

**I know now, just quite how my life and love might still go on**

**In your heart, in your mind, I'll stay with you for all of time**

**If I could turn back time, Well I'll go wherever you will go**

**If I could make you mine, Well I'll go wherever you will go**

**I have always loved the words to that song and I don't think I could find a song to apply better here to tell you how I feel. I'm sorry that I have to leave you. I promise I will be back. I'm hoping that I'll be back stronger than ever, please wait for me. I know that I don't have the right to ask that of you. But just thinking in my mind that you're out there, waiting for me, will help me more than anything. I know that I never really loved her, you've made me see what real love is and I never had that with her. I know that now. Please know that I love you, I'm sorry I couldn't say that to you and see your face when I did. I wasn't sure if I would have the strength to leave if I had to watch your face when I said the words to you, so I settled for telling you here.**

**Yours Always,**

**Edward**

I was sobbing again. He was in love with me and he was gone. I wasn't sure how long he would be gone. I wasn't sure where he was going. I could only wait and see what happened.

Alice and Rosalie both held me between them as we lay in my bed.

When I opened my eyes the next time, Alice was sitting in my chair by the window and Rosalie was gone.

I crossed the room and turned on my laptop. I opened iTunes and downloaded 'Wherever you will go' and set it to play on repeat. I felt like Edward was closer to me while listening to the song. Alice just smiled at me and nodded her head in understanding. I got back in the bed, pulling the covers up over me, relishing the darkness and concentrating on the words to the song. I let it envelope me, filling me with peace. Edward was coming back. I closed my eyes and allowed sleep to come.

I woke up the next morning with my head was clear and I felt peaceful. Edward was coming back. I kept repeating that to myself. I certainly didn't want to be sitting in the same place when he got there. I wanted him to be proud of me while he was gone. I knew I could do this as long as he was coming back. I walked into the bathroom and started the water for a shower.

I walked downstairs after I was showered, dressed and my hair and makeup was in place. Alice was in the dining room eating a bowl of cereal, and Rosalie was drinking coffee.

"What are you both doing here? You have a shop to run, get to work," I stammered at them both.

"Bella, did you think we would leave you alone? Not on your life. Edward would kill us, besides what is the point of owning the store if you can't close it when you want to?" Alice snickered.

Rosalie stood and walked over to my side of the counter and she bumped me with her shoulder. "Emmett called, to say he and Jasper are with Edward and Carlisle. They decided to go up to the cabin to spend a few days together. When they get back, Carlisle wants to talk with you." My face must have shown some concern, because she quickly added,"Don't worry it's all good. I've never seen four men so in touch with each other. They always know what the others need and they all balance each other out. They'll work this out together," she leaned her head back and laughed for a minute and then added, "I'm sure that there's a joke in there somewhere about being in touch with each other, but right now I can't make myself say it." Rosalie smiled at the huge smile on my face when she said last part.

"Well, since the guys are taken care of, and the shop is closed for the day, let's call Esme. I feel like we need to go do some shopping," I suggested.

Both Alice and Rosalie looked at each other and then Alice rose from the table, walk over to me and felt my forehead. I snickered and smacked her hand away.

"What? I figured that you'd like that comment," I threw at her.

"Bella, of course, I love that comment. It's just that I have never heard you utter those words, especially after something as deep as last night. I'm kind of worried that you're off your rocker, to be honest with you." She really sounded concerned.

I shrugged and took a sip of my coffee. "Well, I decided that if Edward was coming back I'd want him to be proud of whom I was while he was gone. I couldn't make him proud if I was in bed moping. Besides, I only have the rest of this week before I start back to work, so let's go and buy some work clothes for me. Please, I can't stay here in the house all day, I'll lose my mind and that won't help Edward at all," I said as I walked towards the phone in the living room.

I dialed Esme's cell and waited for her to pick up.

"Bella, is everything okay?" She sounded worried.

"Esme, believe it or not, I'm doing great. I'm worried about Edward but he left me this sweet note and asked me to wait for him. He said he was coming back for me. So I figured I would stay busy living life while he was gone, instead of lying in bed and sulking. I started all of this so I should, at least, have enough guts to wait it out for him to get help. That's why I'm calling; can you go shopping with us? Rose and Alice closed the shop for the day so we're going to do some retail therapy. Besides I do need stuff to wear to work, so can you?" I was channeling Alice, all of that was said in the same breath and I felt light headed now.

"Well, I do have only one meeting today and it is in about 20 minutes, so I'll call you when I'm finished and meet you all somewhere to join you. Bella, I'm glad you called, and to hear that you're doing okay. Edward's a good man and he'll fix this." She sounded close to tears.

"I know, Esme. He told me he loved me in the note he left for me. I can't wait for him to come back. Call us when you're ready, we'll be getting ready at Alice's." I switched the topic to something a little less apt to make me cry. I wanted to enjoy myself today and not mope around.

After I grabbed a change of clothes, we hopped into Rosalie's car and went to Alice's house to dress and wait for Esme.

* * *

**E/N: Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed the drama, trust me it will get better:) Leave me some love and let me know what you think.**


	10. Chapter 10 Better Man

**A/N: Thanks to my amazing Beta's Lexy & Sonja- you both work so hard for me and I appreciate it. **

**Lexy has a great story that I am hooked on, go read it, you won't be disappointed- ****www (.) fanfiction (.) net/s/5156005/1/Fighting_for_Love**** - Just take out the spaces and it should work. Let her know how wonderful she is, leave her lots of love! **

**To my new convert Paula-just in case you ever read this...I love you lots and can't thank you enough for being my lost-soul, sister! I'm glad you enjoy our little stories.**

**mommymac0508-Glad to hear from you again, I missed you. You were my first regular reviewer, if I could I would give you some special alone time with Edward. However, he is not mine to pass around, so I hope the thought is enough. Thanks for sticking with me bb!**

**And lastly, to all the new readers from The Fictionators, you all have such kind words to say and I can't thank you enough. I'm glad you're here, I hope you have fun:)**

**Playlist:Better Man- James Morrison, That's How You Know It's Love- Deana Carter, Hanging by a Moment-Lifehouse, Bigger-Backstreet Boys**

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There was a time, I had nothing to give, I needed shelter from the storm I was in

When it all got too heavy, It covered my way, And I want to hold you, And I want to say

That you, You're all that I need, You, I'd give my soul to you

See me, Love me, Just the way I am, I said for you, I am a better man

I said you are the reason for everything that I do, I'd be lost, So lost without you

Under the stars, At the edge of the sea, There's no one around,

No one buy you and me, We'd talk for hours, As time drifts away

I could stay here forever, And hold you this way, Cause you

You're all that I need, For you, I give my soul to keep

See me, Love me, Just the way that I am

For you, I am a better man, I said you are the reason for everything that I do

I'd be lost, So lost without you, So lost without you

James Morrison- Better Man

Chapter 10- Better man

**Edward's POV **

I left Bella standing by the swing. I needed to leave before I told her that I loved her. I wouldn't be able to leave her if I looked into her eyes as I said the words that I hoped she wanted to hear from me. I pulled her close and kissed her, a kiss to remind myself why I was leaving, and a promise to come back better. Bella returned the emotion in the kiss and my heart swelled. Maybe she felt the same for me. I prayed that she did. I knew she was intimate with me in her bed, and she returned my kisses and touches, but that didn't mean she loved me. It meant she likes my body, so I couldn't assume anything. I needed to know how she felt, and to tell her how I felt. If I could be sure that she knew how much I cared for her, it would spur me on to do what I had to do, to get back here as soon as I could. I ran up the back steps and into the house. I went straight to my room and grabbed a piece of paper from my desk. I wanted to leave her a note to tell her what I feel and how sorry I am for not telling her face to face. I poured my heart into her note and wrote out the words to one of my favorite songs, Wherever You Will Go. The song best conveyed my feelings to her.

I've never meant any of those words more than I did then. I wanted a better life with Bella. I knew the verse from the bible that proclaims 'Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.' And I didn't know anyone that embodied that more than Bella, not once while I was telling her the whole story did I see her flinch or run away. She had always been a loyal friend to me, and I had only repaid her by pulling her into this. Well, I'll fix this and be a better man for her. I was suddenly joyous, and I wanted to start this process and return to my life.

I ran in and laid the note on Bella's night table and ran back to my room. I grabbed some clothes out of my dresser and a few things from the bathroom. I shoved it all into a bag and ran back down the stairs.

I slowed as I approached the kitchen door. I didn't want Bella to get the wrong idea about my running, so I slowly walked to my car. I took one last look at her and she looked so small in the night. Out there alone, her head raised to the sky and her arms folded around her body. I couldn't leave her alone. I opened the car door, sat down and called Alice.

"Alice, I can't explain it all but Bella and I talked about Tanya. I told her everything and now I'm leaving. I need to go and get this out of my head and make peace with it. I'm coming back for Bella; I've told her this, but I don't want her alone. Can you come over and be with her? I'll call her as soon as I know where I'm going and how long I'll be. Please make sure she sees the note I left for her on her night table. I love you, Alice, in case I haven't said it enough to you. I couldn't love you more if you were my birth sister." I wanted to say more but she cut me off.

"Edward, Bella is calling me. I love you too and you'd better be back soon! I'll take care of her I promise. You fix you and let me worry about her," she chirped back at me.

"Bye, Alice." I hung up, wanting her to be able to catch Bella's call.

I turned onto the highway and headed towards the only place I wanted to be when I needed support, Carlisle and Esme's. I needed to tell them everything and get their advice on how to 'fix me'. I called Carlisle on his cell hoping he was home. He answered right away.

"Hey, Edward, what's going on?" I could hear the overhead speaker of the hospital in the background. It was almost eleven at night so he either just got there or he was about to leave. I was hoping for the later.

"I need to talk to you. Are you just coming in or just about to leave?" I asked.

"Leaving, where are you? Do I need to come to you?" He asked, the concern showing in his voice.

"No, I'm on the way to your house. I need to talk to you and Esme together. I need advice and well, to be honest, I need a father." I chuckled to hide the small amount of embarrassment I felt for saying it that way.

"Okay, I'll meet you there. Do you want me to call Esme for you, to tell her you're coming?" He offered.

"No, I'll call. I don't want her to worry and no matter how much you tell her not to, she will unless she can talk to me." I knew how worried she got over us. Esme had a child that died at a few days old, and I think that was the reason she was a little more protective of all of us after we each came to live with her and Carlisle.

"See you there," he replied and I hit the end button. I dialed Esme at home and waited for her to answer.

"Edward, is everything okay? Why are you calling so late?" See she's worried, I told you so, I thought to myself.

"Esme, I'm okay, well sort of okay. Physically, I'm okay, but mentally, I need to get something off of my chest and I need my parents, if you know what I mean." I waited for her answer, knowing how much she loved being our mom.

"Edward, of course, do we need to come to you? I need to call Carlisle, he should be getting off soon, and we can meet you." She was moving around, I could hear her activity.

"No, Esme, I'm about half way to your house now, and I just called him. He's leaving now, so he'll be home soon. I wanted to talk to you both together," I added the last part so she knew that I needed her as much as I needed Carlisle.

"Okay, I'll turn on the outside lights for you both. Be careful," she added.

"See you soon."

For the rest of the drive to Esme and Carlisle's, I thought back to my parents and how I felt after their deaths. I missed them so much and wasn't sure I wanted another family. I wanted to go and stay with my Dad's aunt. She lived alone and she would allow me to be alone with my thoughts and fears. Looking back now, I see how that would have been a bad thing for me. It took a long time to get over my parents' deaths, but I was certain without their help it would have taken me much longer. In fact, I was comfortable saying that I may not have ever gotten over their deaths.

Having Carlisle and his calm, patient ways helped me work through the internal fears of losing my parents. Esme helped by mothering me and continued to show me that I was worth loving. Emmett provided the humor. He never allowed me to take myself too seriously; when I did, he would turn on the jokes. Rosalie, well, she kept me from getting too emo. She never was afraid to tell me exactly what she thought about how I was acting. Good or bad, I could count on Rosalie's honest answers. Alice just simply wormed her way into my heart. She and I had the closest connections, something about the two of us made us click right from the start. And Jasper, he stayed in the background filling in the holes that the rest of them left. He also had a way of judging the emotions in the room and using them to influence people. So we all formed a complete, fully functioning family. We were a little left of normal sometimes, but what family isn't?

I pulled into their garage and Esme met me at the door. I jumped out and almost ran to her; I grabbed her into a tight embrace and just let her hold me. She was standing in the kitchen and I was still on the steps, making her taller than I was. She pulled my head down onto her shoulder and rubbed my hair, like my mom used to do when I was young and needed comfort. It must be an automatic response by mothers, they know exactly when to use it.

I heard Carlisle pull in a few minutes later. He found us in that same position, me clinging to Esme and her providing what I needed, understanding. He patted my back as he walked past us. He allowed Esme and I to take the time we needed, standing back patiently waiting. I turned to him and he pulled me in for an embrace as well. He stepped back after a few seconds and motioned for us to head inside the house so we could talk.

Esme led us to Carlisle's office, I loved this room. It was him personified. I enjoyed every single memory of us here in this space, so I was glad she chose it for us to talk. Carlisle sat in the wing chair, I sat on the couch closest to him and Esme sat beside me. She grabbed my hand and held it. I was not ready to start yet; I wasn't scared to tell them what I did, but I just wanted a few more minutes before I had to relive the worst time of my life. Even losing my parents wasn't as bad a memory for me as the one I was about to tell for the second time tonight.

"I'm in love with Bella," I said simply.

"Edward, that's wonderful, have you told her?" Esme asked, her face softening at the words I spoke.

"In a way, yes, it's something that I just realized, and not the reason I came to see you tonight." I met Carlisle's eyes and he shifted closer to me.

I took in a deep breath and began the tale all over for them. Carlisle had a few questions and I answered them as best as I could. I knew the doctor in him couldn't let these questions pass; he had to know the full scope of the problem before he could offer suggestions of what the plan would be. I think I was more like him than I realized and knew immediately that he had taught me an important trait in being a great doctor. Stand back and assess the full situation before jumping in to avoid handling the wrong part first.

Esme sat quiet and still while I relayed all that happened, often I could feel her hand tighten its grip on mine. She did this when I got to a part that caused her concern, or when I broke down and couldn't finish. She never asked any questions, just listened. Each of them provided, in their own way, the support and trust that I so greatly needed.

When I was finally finished, Carlisle took a deep breath and began to give his advice.

"First, let me say that I feel like I let you down, son. You going through this alone must have been painful, and I'm sorry for somehow not knowing that you needed help. Second, I know you feel like you did the wrong thing, but I can assure you that Tanya would have gotten the drugs with or without your help. What you did may have saved her life, providing only a small amount and monitoring her drug use could have kept her from OD'ing by herself. Now, ethically, it may not have been the best thing to do. But I have known people who've done much worse as a student, resident or hell, as a full-fledged doctor so don't let this slow you down in your path. I do agree that you would probably benefit from some therapy to help you work through this as a person and as a doctor, to make peace with your actions and keep them from coming back to you later. I do have a friend in Seattle that is a psychiatrist, he may be able to help you. I could also have you stop by and talk with a few other friends at Seattle Memorial hospital, where there's a residency program. I know it is a little far from here it's the closest place to do your residency. So, unless you have a better plan, that is what I would suggest. What was your plan?" he asked. I always like that about Carlisle, he would offer his advice and then ask for yours. It was his way of validating you, showing you that you had the right to form your own opinions. Little did he know that it was not needed because he always had a better idea than I did anyway.

I smiled the first true smile since I started this whole story finally feeling like I was going to overcome the mess I had made.

"I think that's exactly what I was hoping you would offer. How can I ever thank you for this? I mean the suggestions are great and they help a lot but your support and understanding is the most important part. How soon do you think I could talk to your friend?" I was anxious now that we had a plan; I wanted to get started.

"Well, since it's after two in the morning, I don't think any of my friends would be too receptive to me calling them now, so let's get some sleep first. I think I want to spend a few days with you and your brothers before you go, is that okay?"

We had always enjoyed our 'man' time.

"Sure, what did you have in mind?" I asked.

"I was thinking we could head to the hunting cabin, what do you think? We haven't been there in a few years."

"I'll call Jasper and Emmett and ask them to come along. They should still be at our house, I called them to come and be with Bella." I wanted Carlisle and Esme to know that I thought of her emotional well being during all of this, not just mine.

I dialed Jasper.

"Jazz, it's me, how is Bella?" I wanted to know that first.

"She's okay, she's upstairs with Ali and Rose. She seemed at peace with what happened and your note helped. She turned into a new person after reading it. Great job for that. Now where the hell are you and are you okay?" His voice was laced with worry. I knew some of that worry was from seeing Bella upset and Alice trying to comfort her. Jasper always had a way of absorbing the emotions of others around him. I'm glad Alice is not a depressed person or otherwise neither of them would be good for anything.

"I'm at Carlisle and Esme's; I needed to let them know. I felt like hell keeping this from everyone, and now I feel so much better. Now I can really fix it. But the reason I called is because Carlisle wants to get away for a few days, just us guys like old times, you in?" I really hoped he and Emmett could make time, I wanted this time with them.

"My schedule is light right now, you know not a lot of building going on with the economy in the toilet so I can take a few days, let me ask Em." His call to Emmett was soft and low so Bella must be sleeping. After a minute, he came back.

"Emmett says he's good as well, he has five days he has to use or lose them by the end of next month. He's good for five days but I really can only squeeze out about three, how long did you two have planned to be gone?" I was open but I was sure that Carlisle had a tight schedule so I turned to him for his time frame.

"Carlisle, Jasper is in for three days, and Emmett is good for five. How long do we want to be gone?"

"I think we better stick to Jasper's three days. I have five but we will need time after Emmett and Jasper leave us so let's say three. We can leave tomorrow if that's okay with everyone and we can head back on Saturday early evening that way we have three full days to spend up there, that sound good?" He asked to confirm with all of us.

Jasper responded first. "That's good for me, I'll need to take Emmett home and let him grab some stuff and then we can crash at my place. We'll head out from there tomorrow, what should I tell him to pack?"

"Carlisle wants to go to the hunting cabin, so cold weather stuff." I could hear Emmett jumping around in the background like a child; he always loved to go to the cabin.

"Okay, we'll grab our stuff and meet you there tomorrow morning. Do you want Carlisle to drive the Hummer or Emmett to drive the Jeep?" Jasper knew the answer to that but to be fair to Emmett, he always asked that question. No one ever wanted Emmett to drive. He liked the radio too loud and he drove with one hand or sometimes only a leg on the steering wheel which caused you to constantly be tossed from side to side in the jeep. But Jasper was right, we could only get to the hunting cabin with either the Jeep or the Hummer, so we had to take one.

"Carlisle, definitely, Carlisle," I offered and Jasper snickered.

"Me too," he whispered softly to me, so Emmett wouldn't hear him.

We finalized the time for meeting up with them and I hung up.

I followed Carlisle and Esme up to the second floor to my old bedroom. Carlisle turned to me at the top of the stairs. "Edward, I'm glad you came home tonight. You're making the right choice, and I think it's better to make peace with this in your mind to save yourself some trouble down the road. You know, kill the beast now and never worry about it coming back to get you."

"Me too, I'm happy you understand. I was worried that I'd done something so awful that you would find it unforgivable, especially after seeing all of those people in the ER come in with drug related problems. Thanks again. You're a great father, in case I haven't told you lately." His whole face lit up at my compliment and I felt the joy radiating off of him. He turned towards his bedroom and I turned towards mine.

It felt strange to be sleeping in my old bed again, I remembered Bella in high school and I felt sorry for not paying better attention to her then. I could have avoided all of this if I had made the right choice then and not the popular choice. But in high school who makes all the right choices? No one, so no sense going over this again.

I lay in bed and decided to text Bella.

**B-**

**I love you and miss you already!**

**I'm spending the next few days at the hunting cabin,**

**I don't get any reception up there so no messages**

**until I get back down the mountain, sorry**

**I'll call you as soon as I can.**

**Did I tell you I love you yet?**

**Just in case, I love you!**

**Yours Always!**

**E-**

I skipped the text talk for her, I wanted her to take this serious and who could take ILY, seriously? It made you snicker like you were in grade school, so I spelled it all out correctly for her. I knew as a lit major, she would like that better anyways, more poetic.

I laid the phone down and wished I had my iPod with me, but I left it in the car so I'd have to wait. I wanted to hear her song. I began humming it to myself, waiting for sleep to take over.

Carlisle woke me early the next morning, calling for me to get a move on or we would get a late start. I dressed and followed him into his closet. We decided that I would need to borrow a few things from him for the trip, since I'd only grabbed a few items when I left my house the night before, and most of them were not usable at the cabin. I needed cold weather gear, so I grabbed some from his closet and packed a bag. I took off my tennis shoes and placed them in the bag and pulled on Carlisle's extra pair of boots. I tied the laces and started downstairs when I heard the front door open; Jasper and Emmett had arrived.

We all headed into the kitchen to grab some coffee and try to eat a little before we headed off on our manly trip. I was a little keyed up and decided to skip the coffee. I wanted to be off and on my way; the sooner the trip was over, the sooner I could start working on things and get back to Bella. I was excited but nervous at the same time. What if she decides that I'm not worth the wait, or she finds someone else in the meantime? What do I do then? How can I go back to being friends with Bella after the last week and what we have done together? Emmett clapped me on the back and brought me back into the here and now.

"Dude, grab your bag. This ain't no damn hotel. You got to carry you own shit to the car. Let's go!" God bless Emmett and his no nonsense words, he spoke what was on his mind, and you never knew what was going to come out and when. He didn't filter and he didn't hold back, he told it like it was. Today I was thankful for his honest approach.

I grabbed my iPod out of my car and then loaded all of my stuff into the Hummer. We backed out of the garage and pulled down the drive.

I felt my phone buzz and pulled it out of my pocket. Bella had returned my text.

**E-**

**I miss you too!**

**Have fun the cabin,**

**Yes, I know you love me, and I love you too!**

**Call me when you can as often as you can,**

**this will help time go by quicker for me!**

**Take care of yourself and come home soon!**

**Love Always,**

**B**

I couldn't help but smile, she still loved me after last night. Bella is one of a kind and I'm so thankful that she loves me, so I texted her again.

**B**

**I'll call you every chance I get, I promise!**

**Take care of my heart, I've left it with you!**

**I Love You!**

**E**

I closed my phone and settled into my seat. The others were planning what we going to do when we got to the cabin. I joined in, and before we reached the highway, our three days were totally full of activities that we wanted to do.

I noticed Carlisle glancing at me out of the corner of his eye; he merged in with traffic and cleared his throat.

"Edward, I spoke with my friend, the psychiatrist, this morning. He said he would be happy for you to come and stay with him for a few weeks. He would be able to take you to Seattle Memorial and introduce you to the people you need to see. The rest of the time he would be able to help with your problem. He wanted me to invite you to stay with him at his home. I told him I would pass along the invitation. Anthony was my closest friend in Medical School, he is happy to help." Carlisle sounded relieved that his friend was available and was willing to help me. I must say that I was a little relieved that Carlisle knew and trusted him to help as well.

"Sure, Carlisle. If you think that would be a good idea, I would be glad to stay with him. I'm thankful he is able to help. It makes it easier to trust him knowing that you and he were such good friends. When did you tell him that I would be there?" I wanted to know my timeline; I was hoping that he had made plans for me to leave as soon as we were done with the trip to the Cabin.

"I told him I would drive you out to Seattle on Sunday, I hope you wanted to leave as soon as we got back, I forgot to ask." Carlisle sounded bothered by his lack of concern on my part, and I wanted to assure him that was exactly my plans all along.

"The sooner I leave the sooner I can get back and see Bella, so Sunday morning is fine with me."

The rest of the trip was spent laughing, talking and enjoying each other's company. I was glad to be part of this family and enjoyed my family for so many reasons. Jasper was calm and collected, he was able to diffuse any situation and he had great advice. Emmett, well, he was an overgrown child, he was always in a good mood and could provide the laughs at a moment notice, besides he taught me how to defend myself when I was a skinny kid who got picked on. And Carlisle, he was the perfect example of what a father should be, he was patient, calm, and always listened to everything you said. He has a slight wild streak and he could come up with some really crazy ideas off the top of his head. I, on the other hand, was an over-thinker; I analyzed everything until it was picked to pieces. I did have a sense of humor and I hoped that I fit in as well with the group as I felt they fit with me. We created balance in each other and when you add in our women, we were an unbeatable team. I was pondering how Bella would fit in our family. What special trait she would add to us when it occurred to me that she already was a part of the group and I was the one that had been the outsider for so long. I didn't need to worry about her she already had her place here. We just needed to find out who we were as a couple.

Carlisle turned off of the highway and we turned into the driveway of the cabin, I was ready to have fun. Enjoy the freedom that sharing my story has allowed me to experience. I was the first to step out of the Hummer when we reached the cabin and the first to throw the snow ball. Boy, was that a mistake!

* * *

**So...what did you think? Go on and let me know, it's simple. Hit that little button down there and tell me. I appreciate all of you and your words help me, so don't be scared. Just do it! Outfits are on my profile, go check them out.**


	11. Chapter 11 I'll Stand By You

**A/N: Not much to say other than thank you to all of you reading, you are the greatest! I appreciate all of you reviews and kind words. I read and reply to them all, they help the words flow better, so keep them coming! **

**Most especially to Hope4more, you spent a great deal of time disecting my story and helping me see where I wanted to take it. You didn't have to do it and I luvs ya for it! Ok, I'll admit it...I didn't think you liked it or me, at first. Now, I see how wrong I was;) **

**EA-my Peaches, you know you are the best, thanks for sending H4M to me. I needed her help, maybe you were just sick of me asking "Is this okay?", who knows. Thanks either way, she's the best. **

**To Sonja who speed through this chapter after a weekend away with her husband, you are amazing! **

**Lexy-found all of your pics on Twitter and now I am addicted, I hope you're happy. Keep them coming! And the help with the commas, I promise I will try to do better:)**

**Sonja wanted me to atleast give The Pretenders some credit as the song for this chapter was originally theirs, and I give them full props. I heard the Carrie Underwood version and fell in love with it. So, sorry Chrissie that I didn't use your version. **

**Playlist:I'll Stand By You- Carrie Underwood, Stay-Little Big Town, REalize- Colbie Caillat, Love Soon- John Mayer**

**Outifts are on the profile, go check them out!**

**On with the show...**

* * *

Oh, why you look so sad, Tears are in your eyes, Come on and come to me now

Don't be ashamed to cry, Let me see you through, Cause I've seen the dark side too

When the night falls on you, You don't know what to do, Nothing you confess can make me love you less

I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you, Won't let nobody hurt you, I'll stand by you

So if you're mad get mad, Don't hold it all inside, Come on and talk me now

Hey, What you got to hide, I get angry too, Well I'm a lot like you

When you're standing at the crossroads, And don't know which path to choose, Let me come along

Cause even if you're wrong, I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you

Won't let nobody hurt you, I'll stand by you, Take me in into your darkest hour

And I'll never desert you, I'll stand by you

And when…when the night falls on you baby, You're feeling all alone, You won't be on your own

I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you, I won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you, Take me in into your darkest hour, And I'll never desert you

I'll stand by you, Oh…I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you

Carrie Underwood-I'll Stand by You

**Chapter 11- I'll Stand By You**

**Bella's POV**

I was dressed in what Alice had laid out on the bed for me and was sitting in a chair waiting for Rosalie to do my hair when the phone rang. Alice picked it up and I could hear her speaking but not her words. She spoke for a few minutes and then I heard her say goodbye.

She stepped back into the room and shared her conversation with us.

"Esme just finished her meeting and is heading home. She wants to change before she meets us to go shopping. She said if we want to stop there, she will have lunch for us and then we can all ride in her big Suburban, that way we have plenty of room for our bags. Is that okay with you two?" She asked as she was pulling her jeans up over her slim hips and buttoning them.

"Sure," Rosalie and I both said in unison.

So we finished dressing and climbed into Rosalie's BMW to drive to Esme's house. I felt my phone buzz and opened it. I had a text from Edward; it looked like it came in last night.

**B-**

**I love you, and miss you already!**

**I'm spending the next few days at the hunting cabin,**

**I don't get reception up there so no messages**

**until I get back down the mountain, sorry****!**

**I will call you as soon as I can.**

**Did I tell you I love you yet?**

**Just in case, I love you!**

**Yours Always!**

**E-**

I was so in love with this man and I couldn't even tell him; I couldn't wait until he got back so I could. In the meantime, I texted him back so he would know I cared as much for him as he did for me.

**E-**

**I miss you too!**

**Have fun at the cabin,**

**Yes I know you love me, and I love you too!**

**Call me when you can as often as you can,**

**this will help time go by quicker for me!**

**Take care of yourself and come home soon!**

**Love Always,**

**B**

I wanted to tell him so much more but it couldn't be done on a text, I would wait until I was face to face with him. I wanted to tell him that he was so important to me. Make him understand that I wanted to help make him whole again, make all of his trouble go away, and to love him like no woman has ever loved a man before. I needed to tell him that I loved when he touched my cheek, when he opened the door for me, when he asked me what I wanted to do first instead of telling me what he wanted. How much I loved that he kissed Esme when he saw her and how his eyes softened when she hugged him. I loved the way his eyes glinted when Emmett called him Eddie but deep down I knew he loved it, how he could talk so animated to Jasper about so many things and I loved to watch their conversations when it was the two of them discussing something that engaged them both. How he always did exactly what Rosalie told him to do to take care of his car and that he trusted her completely. That he followed Carlisle's advice every time. I loved the way he touched my body and caressed my face. How tender his kiss is and how it turns to fire a second later. How his eyes look when he enters me, they become glazed and heavy lidded, like he has to fight to keep them open. I love the way he whispers my name as he comes, and the sweet words he says to me to excite my body. I love so many things about him, and I can't wait to tell him all of them.

I felt my phone vibrate again and I eagerly checked it hoping it was from Edward, it was.

**B**

**I will call you every chance I get, I promise!**

**Take care of my heart I've left it with you!**

**I Love You!**

**E**

I would never get tired of seeing or hearing him say that.

I heard Alice call for me to come on, I grabbed my purse and tucked my phone in my pocket so I could reach it if he called or texted. I left the house with the two of them and we headed to Esme's house to eat and then shop.

We made the drive in almost silence. I kept feeling my pocket for my phone, making sure that by some miracle that the pocket of my jeans didn't suddenly develop a hole large enough for my cell phone to fall out, it didn't.

We ate with Esme, everyone seemed to be on edge, and no one knew exactly what to say with the whole Edward thing going on. No one wanted to say the wrong thing and upset anyone so we all kept quiet for as long as we could stand it. Finally Rosalie broke the silence in a way only Rosalie could do.

"So, Bella, what the fuck are you going to do until Edward comes home?" We all burst into side splitting laughter and no one could help it.

"I don't know, Rosalie. I don't even know how long he'll be gone. I'm hoping to hear from him or Carlisle soon. I know they're going to spend the weekend at the cabin, but after that I don't know," I replied honestly. "I have to start work on Monday so I will at least have something to occupy my time until he comes home, thank goodness."

"Bella, I'm sorry that we didn't know about this and could have somehow keep the two of you from having that terrible fight, I feel responsible. I wish I could do something." Alice's eyes welled up with tears and I grabbed her hand to comfort her.

"Alice, don't be silly. He didn't tell anyone and how are we to know if he doesn't tell anyone? I do think I would have handled the phone call a little differently if I had known though. This is something he needs to get counseling for now and get the guilt off of his mind or we'll never be able to start a real relationship. Maybe it's a good thing that this happened now, after all." I pleaded with her hoping she would see the good in the situation.

Rosalie stood abruptly from her chair and began to pace back and forth; her anger spilling out of her causing her words to have a sharp tone to them. "Well, if that bitch would just have left him alone he may have been able to get over this in his own way without forcing the issue. I still think we should hunt her down and shave her head. She always did love that ugly blond hair of hers." She smirked and rubbed her hands together like an evil villain in a movie.

"Rosalie, like I said, it's for the best to get this out now, besides he still swears she didn't call him, so who knows. I don't think he's protecting her; I'm just not sure what happened to the call," I replied to her hoping I had calmed some of her anger.

Esme suddenly looked pale and spoke with a voice that was barely above a whisper. "Bella, what phone call?"

"Edward had a phone call from Tanya on his cell. I went into his room to leave him a note, and I placed the note under his phone and turned to leave. When I was almost out of his room the phone rang. I thought it was Jasper or Emmett calling to ask him to hang out, so I went to grab it and tell them to call him back in a few when he got back. To my surprise, it was Tanya's name on the caller id. I just laid the phone down and left. Later when I asked him about it, he denied seeing any missed calls, and then when I told him it was Tanya, he denied it again. So I checked his phone and her name was erased from his contacts and no missed calls from her were showing." I shrugged my shoulders and held up my hands. "I don't know what happened but she was on there. I don't think Edward is lying, but now after hearing all that happened between them, I don't want her speaking to him at all. I'm sure he wouldn't want to talk to her either. I just hate that I accused him of lying during all of this not knowing what was really going on. I said some things that were not nice, Esme." I turned to speak directly to her but I noticed that she was still very pale and had a far off look in her eyes now. I laid my hand on her arm and shook it lightly.

"Bella, I don't know what to say, I had no idea or I would have fixed this right away, please don't be angry. I'm so sorry, Edward's not lying. Tanya did call him. I was at the house, I came to give John the correct blueprints and talk with him. I thought you might still be in bed so I snuck up stairs and heard his phone beeping from the missed call. I walked over and saw her name on the display. I was so pissed off at her and how she treated him, so I picked up his phone and deleted her call. Then I erased her name from the contacts. I didn't even know about her following him to college, but I did know she hurts him every time she's around, so I decided to get rid of her the only way I could. I thought it would be better if he didn't know she called at all. Bella, you have to believe me, I had no idea it would cause all of this. Please, can you ever forgive me? I promise I did it, not Edward." She sat with a look of shock on her face. She held my hands tightly in hers, pleading me to forgive her.

When I pulled my hands out of hers, she blanched, then softened when I grabbed her to me and squeezed her tightly. "I promise, Esme, it's no big deal. Edward needed to get this taken care of and it would not have come up if this hadn't happened. I wasn't happy about it but at least I feel like it was for a reason, you know? Don't feel bad, we moved on past the whole phone call and lying quickly when Edward shared what really happened. But it will be nice to tell him that I was the one that was wrong. I promise, Esme, no big deal. Please don't worry about it; I know Edward is not concerned at all about it." I tried to persuade her to believe me. Maybe I could text Edward and show her his answer so she would feel better about it.

"I'll tell Edward the next time he texts me and you'll see he is fine, trust me this is okay now." I said, trying to soothe her.

Everyone felt a little strung out from the emotions that were pulling at each of us. Guilt, anger, and sorrow; but for me, I had hope and love. We finished lunch in silence, cleaned up our mess, and then left for our shopping trip. We decided to drive to Seattle and spend the night at a hotel. No one would miss us since all of our men were together at the cabin. So we headed for the highway to do some real shopping in Seattle.

We were still quiet on the drive. Esme had the radio on softly playing music in the background. I was deep in thought but I heard the unmistakable notes of my new favorite song. I was an instant sobbing mess.

"Turn this up, please, turn it up loud, as loud as you can stand it," I pleaded.

**So lately, been wondering who will be there to take my place,**

**When I'm gone, you'll need love to light the shadows on your face,**

**If a greater wave shall fall and fall upon us all ,**

**Then between the sand and stone could you make it on your own,**

**If I could, then I would, I'll go wherever you will go,**

**Way up high, or down low, I'll go wherever you will go,**

**And maybe, I'll find out a way to make it back someday,**

**To watch you, to guide you through the darkest of your days,**

**If a greater wave shall fall and fall upon us all,**

**Well, then I hope there's someone out there who can bring me back to you,**

**If I could, then I would, I'll go wherever you will go,**

**Way up high, or down low, I'll go wherever you will go,**

**Runaway with my heart, runaway with my home, runaway with my love,**

**I know now, just quite how my life and love might still go on,**

**In your heart, in your mind, I'll stay with you for all of time,**

**If I could, then I would, I'll go wherever you will go,**

**Way up high, or down low, I'll go wherever you will go,**

**If I could turn back time, I'll go wherever you will go,**

**If I could make you mine, I'll go wherever you will go,**

**I'll go wherever you will go.**

"I love him so much and it kills me to think of him, alone and trying to solve this problem. I should be with him to help him. I want him home so bad and he has just left. How can I make it until he comes home? I'm not going to be able to do this without him; I need him," I sobbed into Alice's shoulder.

"Then call him, Bella, tell him you love him so he'll know. He'll understand that you need him, tell him how much, it will help him. I promise, just call him," Alice encouraged, and Esme and Rosalie were both turned to face me and nodding their approval at Alice's thought.

I grabbed my cell phone and prayed that they weren't too far in the mountain to get my call yet.

"Hello, Edward, can you hear me?" I almost shouted, not sure why I thought shouting would help, but I did it.

"Bella, I can hear you. Are you alright?" His voice sounded so tender, I loved the way my name sounded coming off of his tongue. I almost forgot the reason I called just listening to him speak.

"Edward, I'm okay, I just missed you and broke down crying. I'm sorry I tried to be strong, but your song came on the radio and I couldn't listen to it without crying. I love you, baby. I miss you so much. I'm proud of you for going, but please come home soon to me, please." I was crying again.

"Bella, love, please don't cry. I'm fine, I promise. I'll be home soon and we'll be back together again, I promise. I'll send you gifts and call you as often as I can. I'm really sorry for leaving you. Please tell me you understand and aren't mad at me," he begged.

"I could never be mad at you for trying to do the right thing. I just missed you and it all came crashing down when the song came on, I promise I'm okay. I'm going to Seattle to shop for some work clothes with Alice, Rosalie and Esme." It suddenly occurred to me to help ease Esme's mind right now. "Oh Edward, I solved the mystery of the phone call. Esme was at the house that day and saw her name. She erased it and her info. I'm sorry that I didn't believe you. Esme feels terrible but I told her not to worry it was for the best that it happened and we're not mad. Please tell her you're not mad so she'll quit worrying." I handed the phone to Esme.

"Oh, Edward, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to start all of this, I promise. I'll never again do something like that." I could hear Edward talking in the background but I couldn't hear what he said. Esme's face eased and her smile returned to her face so he must be assuring her that it's fine.

"Okay, here's Bella. I love you, son, please take care. And don't let Emmett try anything he shouldn't." Rosalie yelled her agreement in the background.

I took the phone from her. "Edward, I'm sorry for calling; I should let you enjoy your weekend. I just needed to tell you that I love you and I'll be here for you when you come home. Please make it soon. I don't want to wash my sheets because they smell like you and I don't want to lose that smell. I also don't want to sleep on dirty sheets." I smiled as I said the last part. I realized that I had said that with Esme in the car and blushed several shades of red.

"Silly Bella, just go and sleep in my bed when you need to. Besides I think I left my cologne there at the house so you can spray anything that you want to smell like me. But yes, I'll hurry." He paused for a moment and his next words almost knocked me off of my seat. "I love you, Bella. I'll call you when we get off of the mountain. Please let me hear you say it one more time baby, I can't hear it enough," his voice husky with emotion.

"I love you." I knew exactly what he wanted to hear from me, and I was glad it brought him as much pleasure to hear it as I got from hearing it from him.

"I'll talk to you soon, Bella. Bye baby."

"Bye, Edward."

And with that, the line was dead. All three pairs of eyes were on me and I smiled and blushed with embarrassment at our declarations of love to each other. I realized that all three were in just as deep as we were, so the embarrassment went away. It was replaced with joy at the fact that I got to tell Edward that I loved him. I was on cloud nine.

I shopped like a mad woman; I bought so many clothes that I was sure my closet would be fuller than Alice's. She was so excited at my willingness to buy what she threw at me. I left with about twenty bags of clothes and that doesn't count all of the new lingerie that I bought in preparation for Edward's return. Rosalie assured me that he'd like it all and I looked forward to showing him what I had.

We dropped off our clothes at the hotel and stopped downstairs in the restaurant for a quick dinner. By the time dinner was over, all we wanted to do was go back up to the room to rest.

That night was the first night I dreamt of Edward Masen-Cullen.

* * *

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	12. Chapter 12 Wait For Me

**A/N: I want to say thank you to all of the new readers that are jumping on board this crazy train. I see all of your names when you add me to your fav's and alert lists. I appreciate you all for being here, if you send a review I will say thanks personally. **

**Sonja-Thanks for rushing this so I can post today! I appreciate you lots! **

**Lexy-You are amazing and I am still hooked on your twitter pics!**

**Eternally Addicted- Once again you have come to my rescue, thanks for the wording and just for being my friend! I luvs ya too much, mwahhh! **

**bbwraven-You rock the reviews and I thank you! Love your story Awakening, I have a weakness for Rockerward. If the rest of you are not reading this story, go right now and read, it is sooooo good. **

**mommymac0508-Still waiting to see your first story pop up, I can't wait! I promise to review every chapter for you, just like you have done for me;)**

**Playlist:Wait for Me-Theory of a Deadman, Can't Get You Off of My Mind-Lenny Kravitz, Here Without You(the live version is really good)-3 Doors Down, ****Because You Love Me-JoDee Messina(My husband flirted with her one time when we saw her at a small club, she still rocks!), When You Love Someone-Bryan Adams, Hope For Me Yet-Marc Broussard(Thanks Mrs. TheKing for the tip on Marc here, he is so sexy to listen to, 3 ya!)**

**Outfit links are on profile, so go check those out and On with the show...**

* * *

You are not alone tonight, Imagine me there by your side

It's so hard to be here so far away, From you

I'm counting the days till, I'm finally done

I'm counting them down, Yeah one by one

It feels like forever till I return to you

But it helps me on those lonely nights

It's that one thing that keeps me alive

Knowing that you'll wait for me, Ever so patiently

Yeah, you're everything I've ever dreamed of having and

It's everything I need from you just knowing that you'll wait for me

What I'd give, What I'd do, Knowing I'm not there for you

Makes it so hard to leave, What I'd give, What I'd do

Anything to get me home to you, And this time I'll stay

And you wait for me, Ever so patiently

**Theory of a Deadman-Wait for Me**

**Chapter 12- Wait for Me**

**Edward's POV**

We spent three wonderful days at the cabin, being men and enjoying the outdoors. We hiked, built fires and all other sorts of things that men do. I enjoyed being with my brothers and father, but I was ready to move on to the next part of this separation from Bella.

Carlisle and I sat down and spoke in detail about what was going to happen next. I would drive out to Seattle and meet with Dr. Anthony Ward. I was to stay with him at his house, and after a few days he would take me over to Seattle Memorial Hospital. I needed to meet with Dr. Johnston, the Chief of Staff. He would let me know if, when, or how I could start the Resident's program they had available. I needed to figure this out. The Resident's program in Seattle was a three hour drive from my house in Forks. I needed to be able to tell Bella exactly what my plans were when I got back to her. I didn't want any more surprises and secrets between us.

I was sorry to see Jasper and Emmett pull off in their rental car that would take them back home and to the family. I sent another note to Bella, not as mushy as the last one but one that told her a few things I loved about her and why I was thankful that she was in my life.

Carlisle and I climbed into his Hummer and made our way to Seattle. I was nervous and the closer we got to the city, the more it overtook me. I didn't want to fuck this up and come back without a resolution. I wanted to be whole for Bella, to ensure that we had a fair chance to make our relationship work.

We arrived at Dr. Ward's house a little after seven in the evening. Carlisle knocked on the door and we were quickly ushered in. Introductions were made, we were shown to our rooms and we settled in.

I left my room and found Dr. Ward and Carlisle talking in the study. Carlisle was filling him in on my plans for Seattle Memorial; I stepped into the room and Dr. Ward waved his hand towards the seat beside Carlisle, so I took it.

We talked for a while about nothing and I listened to medical school stories from Carlisle and Dr. Ward. I enjoyed his stories and he put me at ease with his laid back manner. I knew that I could trust him to tell him all that happened and know that he would guide me through therapy without any problems. Maybe that was his intent for tonight, us learning to trust each other. As comfortable as I was with Dr. Ward, I was happy that Carlisle stayed with me.

When I went up to bed, I was sure that Bella was already in bed, so I sent her a text instead of calling. I wanted her to know that we had arrived and that I was thinking about her. I had to let her know that I missed her terribly and would call her tomorrow. I'm sure she had plenty of stories about her shopping trip, and I wanted to see if she was nervous about her first day at work. I wanted to let her get her feelings out and comfort her even if I couldn't be there for her in person. I was glad that Alice & Jasper would be moving in right away as well as Emmett & Rosalie. She would need all four of them to help keep her company. I needed Jasper and Emmett to help her as much as she would need Alice and Rosalie. Jasper had some fucking awesome advice and he looked at things from a different perspective than any of the rest of us, and Emmett, he was great at providing some comic relief. He lightened the mood and kept it from getting too serious; he was pure genius at times.

**B-**

**Sorry it's so late,**

**Call me when u get up so**

**We can talk abt ur shopping trip**

**I wanna hear what u got!**

**Miss and Love U!**

**E-**

I laid the phone down on the nightstand and turned over, ready to close my eyes and try for some sleep. I heard the phone buzz, my heart leapt into the air, maybe she was still awake and I could talk to her. I grabbed the phone and flipped it open.

**E-**

**Im awake now,**

**Can't sleep w/o u!**

**How r u?**

**B-**

I exited out of the message and called her. I wanted to hear her voice right now; I couldn't wait until tomorrow morning. I would only talk for a few minutes if she was tired, but I had to hear her. She picked up on the first ring.

"Hello." Her voice sounded like sunshine and warmed me immediately.

"Baby, I miss you so much. How are you?" I tried not to sound too needy and alone. I don't know if I succeeded.

"I'm tired but I'm glad you called. I was so worried that you would wait until tomorrow morning like your text said. I wanted to hear your voice tonight before I went to sleep, maybe that would make me dream of you." I could hear the hesitation in her voice. Was she tired, sad or irritated that I was gone? As weird as it sounds, I was hoping for sad. Sad meant that she really cared for me and missed me.

"Why didn't you call me? You can call me at anytime. I needed to hear your voice as well; I don't think that I could wait until tomorrow knowing that you were awake. If you're tired, we'll only talk for a few minutes." I could hear the rustling of fabric and closed my eyes picturing her in bed wearing her nightshirt. I loved the way it slid up to her hips when she laid down and showed part of her sexy underwear.

"No, I'm fine. I can talk as long as you want. Besides tomorrow is Sunday so I can sleep as long as I want. So don't worry about how long we talk, I just need you now." I could hear her voice falter and wished that I was with her to hold her close and say something inappropriate to make her laugh.

"How was your shopping trip? Did you get lots of runway ready clothes for work?" I quoted Alice, knowing she would find this funny.

"Well, I did find lots of stuff, but how runway appropriate they are, who knows. I bought what I liked; I must not have been too far off of the mark since Alice only vetoed one shirt and it was a band t-shirt that wasn't even for work. I did buy lots of lingerie to wear for you when you get home, so hurry home. Alice said we can take pictures and send you one a day, you know kind of like a panty of the day club." She snickered but I loved the idea, God bless my sister.

"I love that idea; send me one starting tomorrow morning. That way I'll know what you're wearing under your clothes and then send me one each day when you are totally dressed so I will know how hot you look going off to work, my beautiful working girl." I was so turned on thinking about her panty pictures. Was it cool to use them as my wallpaper for my phone? Probably no, so I guess that file would be for my eyes only.

She giggled and let out this girlie snort, I heard rustling again, which reminded me that she was in bed.

"Bella, are you in your bed?"

"Not in my bed," she replied and paused, she just left me hanging there.

"Where are you if you are not in your bed. It's all kinds of late." I was intrigued as to where my girl was at this time of the night. I hated to think of her alone in the house all night.

"I'm in your bed, silly. You told me to come in here and sleep when I needed to smell you. So that's where I am." She sounded embarrassed to admit to me that little piece of truth.

"What are you wearing?" My voice taking on that deep husky tone that I knew drove her crazy.

"Well, your t-shirt and some boy shorts, black ones," she purred back at me.

"Which t-shirt are you wearing?" Why that was important who knows but I needed to know.

"The black one that says 'No one in my city has swagger like me', I hope none of you skanky ex-girlfriends gave you that t-shirt, if so you had better lie to me about it," she growled at me; how could I let her down? I loved the sound of possessive Bella.

"Nope, Emmett bought me that shirt for my birthday a couple of years ago; I love that shirt, and it feels so soft. But you had better keep that between me and you, if Jasper or Emmett gets a hold of that shit, I will never hear the end of it. So let's let that be our little secret, besides now I love it because you have worn it." Great, I can feel my ovaries sprouting, when did I turn into such a girl? Guess love does that to you without your knowledge.

She giggled and I could listen to it for hours alone.

"Mmmmmm, Bella, God, the things I would do if I was there with you. I miss you so much." I could hear the desperation in my voice, and I hoped that she wouldn't get worried or sad hearing me talk this way.

"Edward, it's only for a short time, we'll be fine. Besides you can take me away when you are a rich and famous doctor. You can be my 'Sugar Daddy' while I write my book. Life will be good for us." She was joking but I would take care of her for the rest of her life if I could. It made my heart swell to hear her talking about us in future terms like that.

"Bella, I will take real good care of you, I promise, anything you want is yours." I heard her yawn, and trying to cover it so I wouldn't know that she was getting tired.

"So, Edward, what are your plans for tomorrow?" She tried, again, unsuccessfully to cover up her yawn noises.

"I don't know yet; I'll figure that out tomorrow. I don't know if Carlisle is going to stay or head home yet. I need to let you go so you can get some sleep. Are you on the right or left side of the bed?" I asked her.

"I'm on the left side, why?"

"Take the dark brown pillow and snuggle with that, that one is my favorite. By the way, the left side is my side of the bed, so don't get used to sleeping on that side," I teased her, hoping to lighten the mood before we said goodbye.

"You're going to let me sleep closest to the door of the room? What if an axe murderer breaks in, he'll get to me first! Don't you feel any level of protection towards me? You need to sleep on the right and I sleep on the left closest to the bathroom," she reasoned, not a good reason but one that she gave anyway.

"Bella, don't be silly. If an axe murderer breaks in, he'll get to Emmett and Rosalie's room first. Theirs is the first one you come to at the top of the stairs, so don't worry. We'll hear him trying to kill Emmett first and be able to run for it before he gets to our room. So no dice, nice try, though. Sleep there until I get back and then we'll revisit this conversation again. Maybe you could persuade me to change my mind." I hoped she picked up on the double meaning to that statement.

"Whatever, you creep; you don't care that sleeping on the right side will get me killed first but if I give you good sex, you'll change your mind? See if that gets you anywhere?" she argued right back.

"I love you. Sleep tight, love," I said barely above a whisper, I didn't trust my voice to not waiver at any level of volume above that.

"I love you, too. I'll send you my first panty picture tomorrow morning; don't let anyone see it, promise?"

"I promise," I answered. There was no way in hell anyone but me was seeing Bella in her panties. But she didn't need to know that I turned into a possessive fool for her yet.

"Night," she whispered.

"Night," I returned, and I heard the line go dead.

I laid the phone down and turned over to get some sleep, hoping that Bella in my t shirt, in my bed would be the star of my dreams.

She was.

I was walking Carlisle out to his car to say goodbye when I felt my phone vibrate. He must have heard it as well because he looked at me and then down to my pocket. I gave a small shrug and then turned to hug him, a one armed man hug. He turned to Dr. Ward, and they exchanged their goodbyes. He climbed into his Hummer and I waved to him. He returned the wave and backed the car out of the driveway. I leaned against the house with both of my hands in my pockets and watched him leave.

Earlier in the day, I spoke with him and asked him to talk with Bella when he returned home. I wanted him to explain to Bella what I was going to do and how long this should take. I thought she would take it better from someone other than me; I don't think I could tell her that I would be gone for a month. I don't know how long she expected me to be gone. If it was not this long, then she would be hurt and I couldn't take hurting her anymore. I thought Carlisle would be able to deliver the news in a way that softened the blow for her. He suggested that he and Esme would have dinner at their place for all of them and then tell Bella while everyone was there to help her deal with it.

I sighed and knew that some time tonight or tomorrow I would get a phone call from Bella needing me to help soothe her. I would do whatever I could for her. I wanted all this for her and was hoping she thought I was worth the effort and wait.

My phone vibrated again in my pocket reminding me of the text I missed. I opened the front door and let myself into the room I was using and closed the door. I sat on the bed and pressed the 'view now' button to see the text.

**E-**

**I hope you like these, xoxo**

**B-**

My heart started racing; I knew she had indeed sent me a picture of her in her new lingerie. I paused for half a second before hitting the button that would show me Bella and her beautiful body.

Holy shit, she is beautiful! No, stunning! I can't even think of a word that describes what she is in her brown bra and panties. They are smoking hot; she looks so innocent but yet still, sexy as hell. I sat looking at her picture for a few minutes and not just the parts that were barely covered by her underwear but the other parts as well. The gentle graceful sweep of her arm as it rested over her head. The beautiful expressive eyes she had; I loved them more each time I looked into them. How dark her hair looks in the light in my room. Holy shit, she's in my bed! That makes this picture so much better, to know she rolled around in her barely-there underwear in my bed. I loved this woman.

I pushed the button that showed me the next picture and she was turned on her stomach so I could see her perfect ass. Now I was harder than ever, I wasn't sure that the panty pictures were a good idea. How was I going to look at them each day without wanting to drive home right now and fuck her senseless? Her smirk with her tiny fingernail between her teeth was the icing on the cake. I could look at this one picture all day. I wanted to call her and talk to her, once again to just hear her voice right now. I saved the pictures and closed the message. I dialed her number and waited for her to pick up.

"Hello."

"Fuck, baby, why do you do that to me? I'm here and I can't get home to you. You make me want you so bad. This was a terrible idea. I don't know if I'm strong enough to look at those everyday with me here and you there. You look beautiful but I don't know," I stuttered out and hoped it made sense to her.

"Edward, I'm so sorry I didn't think about that. I won't send anymore. Too bad too because tomorrow I had this teal set to send to you. It was so sexy, I was so sure that you would love it. But I don't want to torture you so I won't send a picture." Her voice was full of mischief, and sexiness. That little minx, she had me scrambling to see the teal set right now, how could I say no to her? She knew exactly how to play me and I fell for it every time.

"Well, if you already have a set in mind I don't want to waste all of your planning. You know I think that this is important to you, and I don't want to hurt your feelings so go ahead and keep sending them to me. I'll suck it up for you, anything to make sure that you're happy." By the end of my speech my voice was so sugary sweet that the words just dripped off of my tongue. She just laughed at me.

"Bella, are you still wearing just the bra and panties?" My voice was turning husky with want for her.

"Edward! Alice and Rosalie are listening to us; you might want to keep it PG-13 for them. No, I'm dressed now, jeans and a t-shirt, one of mine," she warned.

To hell with both of them. They had done, said and thought much worse than what I wanted to say to Bella right now. Her picture had pushed me past a point of caring, I needed her and to hear her moan for me.

"Bella, why don't you go get back in my bed and take all those clothes off right now, and let me hear you moan for me. Please, baby, I need to hear it. I have been away from you for four days now; I can't go without hearing it," I pleaded with her. I could hear Rosalie and Alice making noises in the background; they didn't seem like giggles so maybe they were sympathetic for me.

"Edward, why don't I call you tonight and we can do that then? I don't think now is the time, please. I want it as much as you do but I think we need to wait." He voice was laced with need just like mine. I knew she needed it as much as I did. I would wait for her. After all, she was waiting for me.

"Ok, baby. I will wait but only until tonight. You are so sexy and I want to hear you. How else will I be able to have good dreams?" I reasoned with her.

"Well, then, I will make sure that you have plenty of material for good dreams, I promise," she purred at me, and I knew she was good for her promise.

"I'm out of time right now anyway. I need to go with Dr. Ward to Seattle Memorial and meet some people, so I have to go. I love you very much and I'll be calling you when I get home."

"I love you, too and I'll wait for you in your bed." She was an evil temptress and she knew it.

"Tell the other two listening that I love them as well; talk to you soon." I hung up.

I grabbed my wallet and headed downstairs to meet up with Dr. Ward.

We drove the short drive to Seattle Memorial and he led the way to Dr. Johnston's office. He knocked and we heard someone call out for us to enter from the other side. Dr. Ward pushed the door open and we walked in. Dr. Johnston was sitting in his office behind his desk. He rose and shook hands with both of us as Dr. Ward introduced him to me.

"Dr. Johnston, this is Edward Masen, son of Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Carlisle and I went to Medical School together. Edward is moving back this way and needs to find a place to do his residency, and to be closer to his family. Dr. Cullen asked me to introduce him to you," Dr. Ward finished and this was where I needed to come in and fill in the gaps of info.

"Dr. Johnston, it's my honor, sir, to meet you. Seattle Memorial is well known as one of the best teaching hospitals and it would be a dream come true to associate myself with this hospital. I was hoping to be able to discuss the possibility of working with your impressive doctors here on staff. I have my transcripts and letters of recommendations." I handed him the information he would need and stepped back; I wanted him to be impressed with me and my accomplishments.

"I must admit, Edward, I was given a tip that you were on your way here to see me. I took the liberty to look into all of your history and I have to say I'm impressed with your career so far. I do know of your father; unfortunately, I have never had the chance to meet him in person. I assume with you working for me that will change is that correct?" He stepped back and looked me right in the eye for a few seconds before he broke into a huge smile.

"I will certainly make sure it happens at the first opportunity sir, I promise. Thank you for your help. I won't let you down, sir." I shook his hand as I tried to convey my gratitude for the opportunity.

"I understand you still live in Forks so you will need some time to get moved here and settled. Let's say you start in two months? The other students will be starting then, and you can all start together. Does that sound okay?" Was he high, of course that was alright. I was so afraid that he would want me to start right away and that would mean a long term separation from Bella. This was turning out to be one of the best days of my life.

We exchanged a little more information and I left with Dr. Ward. He dropped me off in the middle of town so I could do some shopping for Bella. I wanted to send her a gift and I was sure I knew what I wanted; I only had to find it…well, them.

I passed several windows and saw plenty of good looking stuff but not what I wanted for Bella. Then I saw it right in the middle of the window on display for all of Seattle to see it. The most amazing olive green strapless dress, the waist was covered in black lace and the upper part of the dress has black sheer fabric bunched up over the green, giving it a slightly darker color.

I went into the store and was met by three associates trying to help me find something. I turned to the first girl to approach me and told her I needed the dress in the window. She asked the size and I was at a loss, so I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called the person who would know.

"Alice, what size dress does Bella wear?" I asked a simple question.

"Is this dress an off the rack dress or is it couture?" She asked me back.

"Alice, I don't know; here talk to the sales lady. She'll tell you all you need to know." I handed the phone to the sales associate and she began a conversation with Alice; it was in English but so help me, I couldn't understand a word they were speaking to each other. After a minute, she handed the phone back to me and I said goodbye to Alice. I asked her not to tell Bella as it was a surprise and she agreed.

When I put the phone in my pocket Jenny, the sales associate, handed me a dress. I handed it back to Jenny and she held it up for me, I put my hands around the waist and they fit like they were around Bella's waist. I nodded my head and she headed off towards the register with it.

"Would you like some accessories to go with it?" Jenny asked me.

"Some what?" I responded, thankful that Jenny knew her job, because I obviously didn't know jack shit about buying clothes for women.

"You know shoes, necklace, etc.?" she responded patiently.

"Uhmm, sure. What do you have?"

She laid the dress across the counter and took me in a different direction. We ended up at a counter that held jewelry. I found a beautiful green necklace and earring set that matched the dress perfectly. The necklace was made up of marquis cut emeralds that were laid together to form large flowers. There were three large flowers and several half flowers to fill in around the edges. The earrings were of the same color emeralds but they were what Jenny called chandelier earrings, which is to say they were large hanging down earrings. Jenny then pointed out an emerald ring and a silver bracelet with emerald flowers as well to complete the ensemble, her word not mine. I said yes to all four.

Jenny then led me over to another section that held the shoes. She picked out a size six Olive colored heels with small emerald and diamonds on the straps. They were perfect for Bella's dainty feet.

"I don't know what size shoe she…" I was trying to say to Jenny but she was stopping me mid sentence.

"I got that from Alice, so don't worry these will fit her." Jenny was becoming my favorite person in Seattle.

"Uhm, Jenny, do you have undergarments for women here?" I asked, blushing at the request I was making to a total stranger.

"Of course, what did you have in mind?" she responded like I had asked for a cup of coffee, no embarrassment in her at all.

"Something black and lacy is all I had in mind. She has pale skin and black makes her skin look amazing," I admitted to Jenny.

"I have the thing for her, she will need a strapless bra for the dress and I have something that will fit both needs. It has a pair of matching black cheekies. I think you'll like them." She smiled at me as she said the last part, maybe she knew me too well. Or maybe she had helped too many clueless men buy things for their women.

"What the hell are cheekies?" I asked confused.

"Well, they are underwear where a small amount of her rear end, you know, her cheeks will show, hence the name cheekies." My eyes must have lit up with understanding when I finally understood what she was explaining because she stopped at that moment.

She again took what she needed and never asked me Bella's size. I assumed she also got those sizes from Alice as well.

We were finally done with our shopping and headed off to the cash register. I was sure Bella was going to be overwhelmed by her gift.

"Jenny, is there any way we could package this up and have it sent over night to my beautiful girlfriend?" I was hoping, but not really sure if the answer would be positive.

"Of course we can. Would you like a card to be enclosed as well?" she asked sweetly.

"Do you have cards here?" I was stunned; men must be totally useless on their own.

"We have a pretty green one that will keep with the theme you have going here, would you like to see it?" She pulled a box from below the counter and pulled out a green card and handed it to me.

It was plain card with a green design on it and a small shamrock. She shrugged as if to say that is all we have. She handed me a pen, and I began to write my note for Bella.

Bella,

I am so lucky to have you!

I Love & Miss you,

Edward

I handed Jenny my credit card and she packaged everything up and addressed it to Bella. She guaranteed that it would arrive by seven a.m. tomorrow morning. I thanked her and left the store.

I whistled all the way back to the prearranged meeting spot and waited for Dr. Ward. He arrived right on time and I climbed in the car.

"Edward, I think we need to talk a little when we get back to the house. I would like to get started helping you and I have a feeling you're anxious to get home to a certain someone," he hinted.

"Sure, Dr. Ward, that'll be fine. I need to make a call first and then I'm free for the rest of the evening after that."

"Okay, we'll meet at one p.m. Does that sound like enough time to make your call?"

I checked my watch and it was only 11:15, so that gave me plenty of time. I nodded to him.

"Great, see you in my study at one." He pulled into the garage and we both exited the car.

I ran up stairs to my room and pulled out my phone to call Bella. She answered on the second ring.

"Hello." She sounded out of breath.

"Bella?" I asked.

"I was helping Alice bring her clothes up from the jeep. She has so many that I think I have logged ten miles of stairs today. What's up? I thought I wouldn't hear from you until tonight?"

"I have fantastic news, and I wanted to share it with you first." The excitement was apparent in my voice.

"What is it, Edward?" She asked matching the excitement I felt.

"I talked with the Chief of Staff at Seattle Memorial today, and he offered me a resident's position. I can start in two months with the other rotation of residents. Isn't that great? I'll be at one of the top teaching hospitals in the country. I'll be able to come home and spend time with you before I need to get back here to start my shifts. We'll need to talk about the distance thing when I get home. So be thinking about it, okay?" I rushed through the explanation and was lightheaded at the end.

"Edward, that's great. I'm so proud of you. I knew they would take you, you are so worth it. I'm so happy for you, I just wish we were together to celebrate." I could hear a small amount of sadness in her voice; I'm sure from the distance factor.

"Bella, you don't know how happy I am that things are working out. I was so afraid with the whole mess up at college that I would be making up for that for so long that I wouldn't be able to get back into the swing of things again. I'm so lucky, Bella, first you and now this position with Seattle Memorial. I'm really the luckiest guy on the planet," I said with conviction.

"Edward, you deserve it all and more. You are a great person who cares about others. You'll make a great doctor. Don't be afraid to take what you should out of life." Bella always had a way to make me at ease.

"You're right, baby. I am just so glad it all worked out after all of that hard work. I need to go and call Carlisle; I'll call you later for our previously scheduled appointment. I love you," I whispered to her.

"I love you, too, and I'm very proud of you," she responded to me.

I hung up and called Carlisle and relayed the info to him. He didn't seem surprised and I asked if he had anything to do with my acceptance as a resident. He, of course, denied any involvement. He was sure they were going to accept me based on my own achievements alone and nothing he had done. I thanked him and spoke with Esme for a few minutes as well.

I left my room and headed downstairs a few minutes early to speak with Dr. Ward. I knocked on his study door and he called for me to enter. I walked in and sat down in a chair across from him at his desk.

I patiently waited until he asked his first question before I began speaking. I wanted him to lead the direction of the talks, to know what he needed to know and what he wanted me to tell him.

"Edward, please tell me the story; your father told me the short version, but I would like to hear it from you. I need you to make sure you tell me everything and don't hold back with what you were feeling. I need to know the whole story before we can start picking it apart," Dr. Ward explained as I sat back as far as I could in the small club chair I was in.

I took a deep breath and began my story for him. He didn't interrupt at all. He listened patiently, occasionally writing notes on his pad. I could hear the slight scratching his pen was making and wondered what the important parts were that he felt needed to written down.

When I finished, I was sweating and felt sick to my stomach. Each time I heard the story out loud, it felt worse like an infection spreading as time went on. I was anxious to hear what he had to say about it. But instead, he simply closed his pad, took his glasses off and laid his pen down.

"Edward, I think that's enough for tonight. I want to read over my notes and we can talk tomorrow about this, okay?" Dr. Ward uttered quietly.

I nodded my head and left the room quickly. I took the stairs two at a time and lay down on my bed. I was worried again about what he thought and why he wanted to wait until tomorrow. I tried to clear my mind.

I opened my laptop and checked my email. Nothing really important there, so I typed an email to Bella; I knew she would check it before she went to bed and hopefully she would call me.

I have never felt so alone, in a city with strangers and I just told the story that portrayed me in the worst light possible. I needed to talk to someone and I wasn't sure who. Well I knew who but I didn't want to bring her down.

I grabbed my phone and dialed Jasper.

"Edward, what's up?" He sounded happy and peaceful.

"Jasper, is Bella with you?" I questioned him; perhaps my voice was a little too harsh and paranoid.

"No, she went out with Esme, Alice and Rosalie. Why is everything okay?" He sounded concerned at my question.

"I'm fine. I just feel a little down and I didn't want to burden her with it. I know she takes my emotions and runs with them; I don't want her to worry." I tried to sound calm and unworried.

"Well, then dude, I'm your man; she is gone so we can speak freely. So spill it. What's up?"

"I just sat down with Dr. Ward and told him my whole story. He sat quietly and just took lots of notes. I could hear the pen scratching against the damn paper. Then he closed the pad, laid his pen down and said we'll talk about this tomorrow. What the fuck does that mean?" Paranoia was now my best friend.

"Well, maybe he needs some time to digest the story and decide which parts he needs to deal with first. It doesn't have to mean anything bad, Edward. It could just mean that he was tired or his kids needed help with their homework. Calm yourself down and don't let this become bigger in your head than it is already. I know this is a big deal to you and you feel terrible about it, but really it is not so big that you can't overcome it. Allow yourself to just relax and feel, not think. Okay, can you do that? I know that the over thinking will help with you becoming a doctor, but in real life that shit will only get you crazy." Jasper's slow calm voice infused me as we talked and I felt normal again. This is why I loved my family, each of us had our role to fill and we did it so well. We all knew our places.

"Thanks, that's exactly why I called you; you always know how to talk me down off of the ledge, so to speak. I appreciate it. So what are you two doing if the girls are gone? Did you get moved in yet?" I wanted to know what was happening while I was gone.

"Yes, we have all of the stuff in our bedroom moved in, and Alice promised that I could take my time with the rest since we will be paying for rent on the apartment for another month anyway, and besides the downstairs was not finished. She doesn't want any of her furniture getting dusty so it can stay there for a little while longer. We are sleeping here and Bella is happier with us all here. Em and Rose couldn't stand it until they moved their stuff in as well so upstairs we are busting at the seams. Downstairs looks like a ghost town for a few more weeks until they are done." He chuckled and Emmett grabbed the phone from him. I could hear a brief struggle and then Emmett's voice filled the line.

"Edward, what's up dude? You miss your bros?" He laughed loudly into the phone, and I pulled it away from my ear.

"Yeah, I guess I do. I didn't realize how much until I left again. I'm glad you all are all staying at the house with Bella, is she okay since I left?" I asked, needing his perspective; I knew that Emmett wouldn't sugar coat it for me.

"Man, it's like you were never here, she's fine. I swear."

I gulped; maybe she doesn't love me as much as she thought she did. Why the hell did I leave? I should have stayed and spoke with someone local. I started calculating the amount of time I would need to get back home when I heard Emmett's guffaws in the phone.

"Dude, chill out. I'm shitting with you, but she is doing fine. She has moments when she stares off into space and her eyes tear up but she's holding up well. She has a smile on her face and she is trying her best to make you proud of her while you are gone, her words exactly. So you might want to tell her how proud of her you are, so she'll feel like she has accomplished something, you know." I was shocked at his suggestion. Emmett usually wasn't that deep on his own so I figured that those words had actually come out of Rosalie's mouth and Emmett was just using the opportunity to appear deep and intelligent.

"I will do that, Em, thanks. I sent her a package and I'm hoping that helps her to know I'm thinking about her. Carlisle should be over to talk with her about how long I'm going to be gone and hopefully make it easy on Bella. I wish I was there with you all right now. I miss you, man."

"Dude, I gotta go. You're getting all girlie and shit on me, see you soon. And Edward, take care. We'll look after Bella, you just worry about you, cool?" His voice betrayed his gruff words. He was as soft as the rest of us; he just covered it better than we did.

The next thing I knew, I was on the phone with Carlisle.

"How are you?"

"Just a little homesick, I wanted to check on Bella and I knew that the boys would tell me the truth, so I called them. I hear she's out with all of the girls, is that why you're there?" I asked, really not caring about the reason just glad that I could speak with him to help push the feelings away that were trying to take over.

"I think it's perfectly normal for you to be feeling homesick, son. The separation is going to be hard on both of you. I actually had your mother drop me off here so that I could talk to Bella and see how she is handling everything. I'm sure you being away is just as hard on her. " he explained.

"I'm glad that she has all of you there for her, to help her through this and to be there for her while I am away." It was hard for me to put her through this whole situation. I tried to not let the guilt get the better of me. I knew in the long run we would both be happy for it and have a much better relationship because of it.

"Yes we're all here for her, as well as we are for you. It doesn't matter that we aren't with you. You know that we all support your decision to do this 100%. When I last spoke to Bella she seemed to be handling things well. I offered to prescribe her something mild to help her with any anxiety or feelings of depression she might be experiencing, but she refused it. However, she did promise that if she felt she did need it, she would let me know. She's a very strong girl. Your mother and I are so happy that the two of you have found each other. You complement each other in so many ways and we feel that you are perfect for one another." I could hear in his voice how proud he was of me. I'm sure that he was proud that I had taken the initiative to deal with this situation responsibly.

"Well, it wasn't too hard to find her when you arranged for her to move into the house with me, not counting that Alice has been trying to get us together since early years of high school. Thanks for that by the way, I know you didn't know that when you were arranging this entire thing, but I'm sure glad you felt the need to take care of Bella as well."

"Well, you can thank Alice; it was her idea. You know how she is; she just feels like things are right and follows that feeling." I knew all too well about Alice and her sixth sense. She had helped me out more than once with it.

"I'll get off of here; call me when you're done talking with Bella and let me know how she is. If she is okay to talk, I want her to call me and that way we can talk as well. It's getting harder and harder to go without her voice. I don't know how I'm going to make it through the whole month without her. Maybe she can come and see me in a few weeks for the weekend. I will talk with Dr. Ward about that and see what he says. By the way, thanks again for your help with Dr. Ward. I appreciate it."

"No problem, Edward, anything at any time. Talk to you soon, son."

"Bye." That was all I could manage, Carlisle always choked me up when he called me son.

I took a shower and climbed back in bed, waiting for Bella's call. Hoping it was Bella that called, that meant she was emotionally okay enough to talk with me herself. I didn't want any more pain or heartache for her, especially if I was the cause that pain.

I dozed off while waiting for Bella's call. When I woke up, it was after midnight; I didn't want to wake Bella if she was sleeping so I opened my laptop and checked my email again. Maybe she sent an email instead. She did, when I opened it she had a large green background and she had pasted love messages all over it. I read each one and was overwhelmed at the time she took to tell me she loved me. Each phrase said something different and each one was a new way to say it to me. I loved her more than I could say. I knew she would love my gift for her and hopefully it would show her in my own way how much I loved her as well. I saved the love note she sent me and then closed my laptop.

I grabbed my phone and sent her a text.

**B-**

**Got your love note, I loved it!**

**I love you!**

**E-**

I turned off the light and went to sleep.

I awoke to my phone vibrating on my nightstand beside me. I grabbed it and answered the call.

"Hello." My voice full of sleep.

"Edward, oh my gosh. You are amazing. Did you pick out all of this stuff? It is all so beautiful; I can't keep all of this stuff. I'll pick a few things and you can return the rest." Bella was channeling Alice again; she spoke with a high pitched voice and without breathing in between words.

"Bella, don't be silly you're keeping all of it. I want you to have it all; you give me so much. I wanted to give you something back. I had help picking some of it out but the dress and lingerie I picked out for you myself. Do you like it?" I asked as I drug a hand over my face and through my hair trying to wake myself so we could talk.

"Edward, they are my favorites. The dress is so beautiful. It is perfect, very beautiful without showing off too much skin. But the lingerie, they are exactly what I thought you would like, so it's cool to know that we know each other so well already." She still sounded breathless, making her voice husky and sexy.

"I'm glad you like it. Are you ready for your first day of work?" I knew she would be excited to be heading off to work; she had been talking about working for a publishing company for years now. Her love for books was something that had never changed about her.

"Yes, Alice and Rosalie helped me pick out my outfit for today and I have to send you the panty pictures. I was in the middle of getting dressed when Emmett bellowed for me to get my ass downstairs. I was thinking that this whole living with everyone may not be as fun as I first thought it would be. Anyway, let me go and get dressed so I'm not late. I'll call you when I get home so we can talk. I talked with Carlisle and he told me about you being gone for a month. I obviously wanted you home sooner, but I guess you can't rush perfection, can you?" She chuckled.

That was my Bella, always ready for what came at her. She was sheer perfection, and the important part was that she didn't know that she was perfect. She was humble and perfect all in one.

"Okay, knock them dead. I love you, and don't forget my panty pictures. Can I text you today?" I wasn't sure I could go from now until after six p.m. talking to her or even reading her thoughts from a text.

"Sure, baby, text me anytime you want. I'll have my own office so you won't be disturbing anyone. Try to keep them clean, I don't want to spend my first day at work horny for you." She giggled.

"Clean texts, what's the fun in that?" I challenged.

"Okay, only two dirty ones and the rest must be clean."

"Okay, I can live with that. I love you."

"I love you too, Edward. Talk to you later."

She disconnected the call, but I held my phone in my hands so I could be ready when her panty pictures come in. I couldn't wait to see the teal set she spent so much time shopping for, just for me.

I didn't have to wait long, and there she was in detail. She had taken a picture of herself in the bathroom mirror. And yes she was right; the teal set was as perfect as she said it would be. I couldn't wait to go back to sleep now so I could dream about her in that outfit spread out on the bed for me.

I sent her a text; I decided to use one of my dirty ones.

**B-**

"**It's been awhile but I can still remember the way the candles light your face,**

**It's been awhile but I can still remember just the way you taste!'**

**I want you to wear that the next time I taste you!**

**Love you,**

**E-**

I knew Bella would remember the song and hopefully she liked it as much as I did. It was meaningful for a few reasons to us right now. I needed her to know how important she was to me, not just for the sex. She was the first woman that I pictured having children and really making a life with. Tanya was a serious girlfriend, but I never envisioned us in the future or more precisely how our future would look. Looking back now, it seems strange that we were together that long and I never spent any time thinking about our future. I guess deep down inside, I knew that she would not be the forever girl I wanted to marry. She was the right now girl I wanted to fuck. I guess that is the difference.

I turned over and tried to bring Bella's face to my dreams.

* * *

**Sorry that was a hella long chapter, but I couldn't find a way to break it up without it throwing off other chapters! Thanks for hanging with me, hope you liked it:) **

**Next chapter teasers will be up on Monday on The Fictionators web site and posting should be on Tuesday from now on! Let me know what you think or how you found me. **


	13. Chapter 13 When I Need You

**A/N: Thank you to my posse-Lexy (sorry, I just don't like cum as a word, so I didn't take you suggestions, love you anyway!), Sonja (thanks for siding with me on the whole cum vs. come debate.), Eternally Addicted, Hope4More, mommymac0508, and bbwraven! I love you all so much and appreciate what each of you have added to this story, you all rock;p**

**Thank you to all of you that add me to your alerts and favs list, I see you all and I am so glad that you like me enough to add me. I would like to see a review from you, don't be scared, let me know what you like or dislike about this story. I don't bite I promise! **

**Disclaimer:Just 'cause I haven't done this in a while, I don't own anything related to Twilight or the songs listed in this story. I do own the fun stuff that they do, but that don't get me no fat paycheck, so I really think SM got the better end of the deal. Don't you?**

**Playlist:When I Need You-Celine Dion, You Make It Real-James Morrison, You Make My Dreams Come True-Hall & Oates, Trouble-Ray LaMontagne, Far Away-Nickelback, Smile-Uncle Kracker, Circus-Britni Spears, Sober-P!nk. (The last two are for the car ride to shopping with the girls)**

**Outfits are on my profile, go enjoy. **

**One last thing, I promise, you have until tomorrow night to vote for To Kill A Cullen One Shot Contest. I have an entry there- A Life Worth Living. I would appreciate your kind votes for my little story. THERE ARE LOTS OF GREAT STORIES; SO HEAD ON OVER, READ AND VOTE! Here's the link- http://www(.)fanfiction(.)net/u/2171754/killacullen**

**Fanfic doesn't like links, so copy and paste. Then remove the parenthesis to make it work. Thanks for your support!**

**Now on with the show...**

* * *

When I need you, I just close my eyes and I'm with you

And all that I so want to give you, It's only a heartbeat away

When I need love, I hold out my hands and I touch love

I never knew there was so much love, Keeping me warm night and day

Miles and miles of empty space in between us, Telephone can't take the place of your smile

But you know you won't be traveling forever, It's cold out but hold out

And do like I do, When I need you I just close my eyes and I'm with you

And all that I so want to give you baby, it's only a heartbeat away

Celine Dion-When I Need You

**Chapter 13- When I Need You**

**Bella's POV**

I woke with a start and sat up in bed. I remembered talking to Edward, then I remembered the dreams that came to me."

Wonderful, delicious dreams all starring Edward. I couldn't wait to have him home and try some of those dreams out in real life.

I was so thankful that he was awake last night and could talk on the phone. I needed him to know that I was here for him and felt the same as he did. I thought the time apart would have given us enough time to get to know what we feel for each other and decide how important our relationship is to us.

I climbed out of the bed, showered and pulled on one of the sexiest pairs of underwear for Edward. I put lotion on my legs and painted my toenails. I slipped a shirt on and a pair of shorts. I opened my bedroom door and called for Alice.

I could hear Jasper and Emmett unloading some boxes downstairs. I was so glad that they decided to go ahead with the plans to move in this weekend, even though the weekend was cut short by the trip to the cabin. I couldn't take being all alone in this house now; I needed someone else here with me. I was so thankful for Alice and her extra perceptions; she always knew what I needed before I even knew it sometimes.

Alice and Rosalie came up the stairs together both laughing and talking about something. I stood in the half opened door of my room and waived my hand at them to encourage them to hurry. They both stopped talking and walked into my room at a quicker pace.

I waited until they were in completely and closed the door, locking it."

"Bella, I'm not going to go down on you while Edward is gone; women are so not my thing, I swear. But if they were my thing, I promise you would be my bitch for sure!" Rosalie relayed with a little too much enthusiasm in her voice. I wasn't sure if she was joking or real serious.

"Rosalie, shut up. I'm not into women at all either; I need your help. I promised that I would send Edward a picture of the new underwear I bought. Well actually, a picture of whatever pair I was wearing that day, so help me pick them out, and you know I suck at taking pictures so you'll have to take it." I bit my lip with nervousness maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

Alice and Rosalie both jumped up off of the bed and ran towards me at the same time. I turned to move towards the bathroom to get out of their way. Alice stopped in front of me and grabbed me in a hug as Rosalie moved past us and went for my phone on the desk.

"I want you to put on the blue pair that will look so good against the sheets in here. He will love that."Alice was already moving towards the dresser to collect the particular pair of underwear she was suggesting for me.

"Actually, Alice, I have on the brown set and I would like to take today's picture in Edward's bedroom, he seemed real happy last night when I told him I was sleeping in his bed, so I thought he might like to see me in his sheets, you know." I was hoping that they would like my idea; I really wanted Edward to like it.

"Well, let's get a move on then before the boys come up and want a peep show for themselves." Which translated to Rosalie liked the idea.

I walked into Edward's room and took off my shorts and t-shirt. I fluffed my hair and lay down on his bed, with my head in the middle and let my legs hang off the side. Alice walked over and took one leg, placing the foot on the bed, the other leg she left hanging over the side.

Rosalie handed me some lip gloss. "Put some of this on. It will make your lips look wet and he'll love that." I could count on Rosalie for this kind of knowledge.

Alice walked around to the other side of the bed so she was standing at my head. She moved my hair so it was fanned out around me. "I heard Edward tell Jasper how fucking hot you looked with your hair like this. Sorry I didn't mean to eavesdrop on their conversation, but I thought it would help the picture." She giggled.

Rosalie placed my right hand on my abdomen and pushed my fingers apart until they were splayed out to cover most of my stomach. Then she took the other hand and placed it above my head. "There, perfect. Move, Alice so we can take this fuck hot picture. Edward is going to cream his pants when he sees this. Please promise you'll tell us what he says, and I mean everything that he says."

I just sighed and said, "Okay".

I heard the phone click and she held it up so I could see what she took. It was beautiful; it was hard to believe that was me.

"Okay, turn over so he can see your ass, we all know he loves that as well. You should have seen him looking at it when we were at Carlisle and Esme's house. Besides, he'll like the back of your bra as well." Alice was into the details and this bra had some details.

It was a rich brown satiny material with delicate spaghetti straps that met in the middle of my back. Then it flared into a perfect little heart shaped floral design and then joined the middle of the bottom strap. The matching underwear was brown as well with a small edge of sheer pink peeking out. There were two small pink bows at each hip, sexy but very innocent as well; exactly what Edward would want to see me wearing. I would save the more overtly sexy stuff for later when he was home. For now, this was a perfect reminder for him.

As I flipped over onto my stomach, I moved my hair off of my back so he could see the details of bra strap. I bent my knees so that my feet hovered above me and crossed my ankles. I took my finger and bit my fingernail between my teeth and opened my eyes real wide while looking over my shoulder at Rosalie. She snapped the picture and a smile took over her whole face. She turned the phone at Alice and I again and both of our mouths fell open.

"Well, Bella, if this publishing thing doesn't work out for you there is always porn, because you are one hot mama!" Alice squealed.

Just then Jasper and Emmett banged on the door.

"What the hell are the three of you doing in Edward's room talking about porn?" Jasper demanded.

"Baby, open the door and let me see the porn; is it some of mine? I knew he stole that box of stuff from me. Rosie, open the door so I can take it back while he ain't here," Emmett shouted.

We all three snickered at them.

I pulled my jeans up over my legs and took the phone from Rosalie. Once I pulled my t shirt back on, I typed a quick text to Edward.

**E-**

**I hope you like these, xoxo**

**B-**

And hit send. I guess we'll find out in a few minutes what he thought of them. It was the longest minutes of my life.

I spent the evening with Esme, Rosalie and Alice. We laughed, talked and enjoyed each other just like in high school, even then Esme joined us for our girl nights. A few apple martinis and none of us remembered any of our sad times at all; we were all having a good time. We ate dinner at this great little Thai place and then moved over to Eclipse to dance the night away. I knew I shouldn't be out this late because I had to start work in the morning, early. But I needed something to distract me from the boringness at home without Edward, so I stayed and drank some more. By the time we got home, it was after eleven p.m. I knew Carlisle wanted to get home with Esme so we all agreed to head home. Besides Emmett had texted Rosalie ten times asking when she was coming home; he, of course, wanted sex.

We all entered the house still laughing and joking, loudly. Okay, maybe we had had a little too much to drink. But just one look on Carlisle's face sobered me up. I kept thinking back to earlier that evening when Esme dropped him off and he asked me to make time to talk with him when I came home. I knew he had details about Edward, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear them while I was slightly drunk. Then again who knows maybe I would take the news better if I was drunk.

He took my hand and led us both towards the couch. Suddenly the room was filled with all of the other housemates, except Edward, the one person that I wanted the most.

"Bella, I talked with Edward and Dr. Ward. They have both talked a few times and decided that Edward should take about a month in Seattle. Dr. Ward feels this is the most appropriate amount of time to help Edward begin to deal with the issue. He also wanted Edward to make more time for him when Edward begins his Residency in Seattle. He wanted to take longer, but he knew that it was important for Edward to get back home to you as well. The rest could be done when Edward travels in for work. Edward was a little upset about the time frame but he understands. I felt like it would be best if I broke the news to you instead of him. I was afraid he would be too emotional about being gone that long and how it would upset you. I know it's a long time, but Edward needs it and I'm begging you, Bella, to help him in every way you can. He'll do so much better knowing that you are there for him. I know you're strong enough for him, and actually I wanted to take the time to tell you how thankful I am for you. I haven't had the chance to tell you yet how happy I am for the two of you. I know that you two are meant to be together and will be fine even with a few obstacles to overcome." He took my hand in his and patted them every few seconds to reassure me.

I took in a deep breath; trying to decide how I felt about the news Carlisle had delivered to me. To be honest, I expected that exact time frame, so I wasn't shocked at all. I just needed to take a few seconds to wrap my head around the fact that I would be without Edward for that long.

"Carlisle, thanks for your kind words. I have never been this happy, even with Jake; I was always waiting for something to go wrong. I could not relax and enjoy the relationship, so I think that was part of why I knew he was not the one. I wasn't happy just being with him like I am with Edward. I'm not going to pretend that I'm happy about Edward being away for a month, but to be honest, I expected that amount of time. I know that I'll give any amount of time up for Edward to be done with this and okay in his own mind. Besides I have to start work tomorrow, so that'll give me a chance to get in there and learn my job before Edward comes home and distracts me." I suddenly giggled at the thought that I had just said that to Carlisle, Edward's father, and with everyone else in the room listening. I heard Emmett groan from over in the chair in the corner.

"Don't worry, Bella; we'll make sure that you are so busy that you won't have time to miss Edward," Jasper promised.

"Thanks guys, you all are so amazing. I don't know what I did to deserve you all." I looked at each of them and saw the tenderness in each of their eyes for our situation.

Carlisle patted my hand and stood to leave. I followed him and Esme to the door, where we said our goodbyes to each other. Tonight, however, Carlisle pulled me in for a strong hug and touched my cheek when he pulled away. It was so sweet and reminded me of the times Edward touched me in the exact same way. My eyes filled with tears and I pulled away. Esme simply placed a small kiss on my temple and they left together.

When I turned to walk upstairs, Alice and Rosalie both were waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs to walk with me. We all hugged at the top of the stairs and each turned for our own rooms. I entered mine so I could get ready for bed. I changed into one of Edward's t shirts and washed my face, brushed my teeth, and then brushed my hair. I opened the door and walked down the hall to Edward's room to sleep. I hadn't slept in my bed since the night he left; his just felt more like home for me than mine did.

I ran back to my room, grabbed my phone and laptop. I wanted to send Edward an email. I wanted to pour my heart out to him. I sat crossed legged on the bed and slowly added line after line of loving words to his note until it was so full I couldn't get anything else on there. I was satisfied with it and sent it to him.

I shut the laptop and laid it on the night table for tomorrow morning. I grabbed my phone and held it in my hands just in case Edward called me. I didn't want to miss his call.

I drifted off to sleep waiting for Edward to call me.

Alice came into Edward's room and shook me awake a little after six a.m., thirty minutes later than I wanted to be. I sat up quickly and ran for my room so I could shower. Alice followed and yelled in that she would lay out my clothes for me to wear so I could save some time. I quickly washed my hair and shaved my legs; in record time might I add. I was in my robe just about to get dressed when Emmett bellowed at me from downstairs.

"Bella, get your ass down here; you have one large fucking package from a Mister Edward Masen. Wonder who that is?" He smirked.

I ran as fast as I could down the stairs, Alice and Rosalie right behind me. I grabbed the pocket knife that Emmett held out for me and opened the box right where it sat in the foyer. I couldn't believe that he sent me all of this beautiful stuff. An olive green cocktail dress, including shoes, lingerie, and jewelry to match, I was in awe of the time and effort this gift took. Just as my eyes began to well up with tears, Alice shooed me upstairs to finish getting dressed for work or I was going to be late.

"Get up there and send your panty picture, he deserves it after this kind of gift. I will repack everything and bring it up to your room for you. Rosalie you go with her and help her take the picture. Boys, nothing to see here; go back to whatever you were doing." And with that command, we all scattered to our respective places.

I swore I heard Emmett moaning about Rosalie not sending him any panty pictures and he bought her plenty of stuff. I just chuckled at him. Maybe I could convince Rosalie that a little panty love was owed to her man, Alice as well.

As soon as I was dressed, I called Edward on the phone.

"Hello." His voice was always responsible for my wet panties; it always touched every part of me.

"Edward, oh my gosh. You're amazing. Did you pick out all of this stuff? It is all so beautiful; I can't keep all of this stuff. I'll pick a few things and you can return the rest, ok?" I knew I was over excited but I wanted him to know how amazing his gift was for me. I remember quite a few years when I was so grouchy when anyone gave me gifts, I felt undeserving of them. But I realized the joy I got out of giving someone else a gift and didn't want to rob any of them of their own joy, so now I appreciate the gifts and the thought behind them. I do, however, think that Edward went a little overboard with this gift it must have cost him several thousand dollars at least.

"Bella, don't be silly, you're keeping all of it. I want you to have it all; you give me so much I wanted to give you something back. I had help picking some of it out but the dress and lingerie I picked out for you myself. Do you like it?" He sounded so tired and I felt guilty for waking him at this time of the morning, it could have waited until later.

"Edward, they are my favorites, the dress is so beautiful. It's perfect, very beautiful without showing off too much skin. But the lingerie, they are exactly what I thought you would like, it's so cool to know that we know each other so well already." I was breathless at the thought of him still lying in bed with his overly sexy body that was so warm and inviting in the morning.

"I'm glad you like it. Are you ready for your first day of work?" He changed the subject to a non-horny conversation, good thing. I was getting wrapped up thinking about him still in bed.

"Yes, Alice and Rosalie helped me pick out my outfit for today, and I have to send you the panty pictures. I was in the middle of getting dressed when Emmett bellowed for me to get my ass downstairs. I was thinking that this whole living with everyone may not be as fun as I first thought it would be. Anyway, let me go and get dressed so I'm not late. I'll call you when I get home so we can talk. I talked with Carlisle and he told me about you being gone for a month. I obviously wanted you home sooner, but I guess you can't rush perfection, can you?" I wanted to assure him I would wait for him as long as it took.

"Ok, knock them dead. I love you, don't forget my panty pictures. Can I text you today?" I had an office to myself; I knew that from orientation so there was no reason why he couldn't text or call me whenever he wanted.

"Sure, baby, text me anytime you want. I'll have my own office so you won't be disturbing anyone. Try to keep them clean, I don't want to spend my first day at work horny for you."

"Clean texts, what's the fun in that?" I could see him giving that lopsided grin that caused his left eyebrow to rise. He always had that grin on his face when he was trying to be naughty.

"Okay, only two dirty ones and the rest must be clean."

"Okay, I can live with that. I love you."

"I love you too, Edward. Talk to you later."

I took Edward's panty picture and then rushed through getting ready and gathering my stuff for work so I wouldn't be late.

As I was pulling in the parking garage at work, I felt my phone vibrate, I touched the screen so it would show me my text that I was sure was from Edward.

**B-**

"**It's been awhile but I can still remember the way the candles light your face,**

**It's been awhile but I can still remember just the way you taste!'**

**I want you to wear that the next time I taste you!**

**Love you,**

**E-**

So much for not spending the whole day horny, how could I get through with dry panties after that sexy text. Good thing I only let him have two sexy ones per day.

As soon as I was shown to my office and settled in, I opened my music library on my phone, scrolled down to the S's and played 'It's Been Awhile'. I had always loved that song, and now to hear the lyrics, I felt even more for the song. It was an accurate description of what we were going through right now. I hit the repeat button and laid it on the desk to serve as my background filler.

As the day wore on, I was given more and more tasks to fulfill and I felt happy to finally be doing something more than reading and writing about reading. I was anxious for the day when I would get the opportunity to actually be proofing someone's written works. I love reading and the ways it could transport you to another place with a few words. I knew that I would be very happy at my job and enjoy what I did. Besides, it beat the meager pay I made while I was in college. All in all, I had a great day but was ready to head home to talk with Edward.

I felt my phone vibrate as I was leaving the car garage and touched the screen. Again, it was from Edward; I was hesitant to read it since he had only sent me normal texts after his first one, so I knew that he had one more dirty text left for him.

**B-**

**Bet you thought I forgot about my last dirty one, no such luck!**

**Call me when you're home, naked and in my bed.**

**I'm all alone in the house, sounds like the right time for some phone sex.**

**E-**

I pushed the Audi harder than anyone would ever drive that car. I couldn't get home fast enough. Just the thought of phone sex with Edward was turning me on beyond control. I sped through town and was thankful to see our turn off just ahead.

As I threw open the front door of the house my phone vibrated, I pulled it out of my bag hoping it was Edward.

No such luck, it was Rosalie.

"Hello." I knew I sounded angry but just didn't care. After all the times I left her and Emmett to do their freaky business and the one time I want to get freaky, she has to call me, WTF?

"Bella, what the hell is wrong with you? We just saw you blow through the middle of town at speeds even Emmett hasn't registered in his jeep. Are you okay?" Her voice softened on the last sentence.

"Fine, I'm fine. I was rushing to have phone sex with Edward; I got to go. Call me later!" I shouted at her as I threw the phone on Edward's bed so I could remove my clothes. I tapped the end button and threw myself down on Edward's bed. I took a minute to calm myself down before I dialed Edward.

I scrolled down to his name and hit his picture once so it would dial his number. He answered on the first ring; actually it was a half a ring.

"Baby, what took you so long? I'm laying here waiting for you and it almost killed me," he purred at me, not a trace of anger in his voice at all.

"Calm down, I sped through town like I had the hounds of hell on me. Rosalie just called and gave me hell for driving faster than Emmett; apparently, they saw me come through town at breakneck speeds."

I heard Edward whistle at the faster than Emmett reference.

"Bella, what are you wearing?" All joking was gone from his voice.

"Nothing, Edward. What about you?"

"Nothing, are you touching yourself?" His voice dropping into that sexy tone that I loved.

"Right now I have my hand on my stomach. Where do you want it?" I purred for him since I knew he loved that.

"Bella, touch your beautiful breasts, squeeze your nipples. You moan every time I do that to you, let me hear you." I could hear him becoming breathless and knew that he was probably stroking his cock for me.

"I am, Edward, unghhh. God, I love it when you do that, and then you always bite down on it after you make it hard. It sends shivers right through me. Tell me, Edward, what are you doing while I am pinching my nipple?"

"I am stroking myself; I love it when you do that little twist over my head with your tongue. I can't wait to feel you again. God, Bella, it has only been a week and I miss you like crazy. Do you know that, baby?"

"Edward, you drive me crazy with just the sound of your voice, tell me more," I begged. I was so turned on just by his words and ability to throw all caution to the wind and just say what was in his heart.

"Bella, put your hand on your pussy, is it wet for me?" I could hear the slight pant begin from his exertion.

"Oh yes, Edward, it is so wet. Can I rub my clit? I love it when you rub it for me." My body was taking over and I could no longer wait for his prompts to instruct me. I was so turned on and needed release so I was moving over my body as I knew Edward would.

"Yes, baby, in small circles, that makes you pant for me. Do it in small circles. Bella, let me hear you. Please I need to hear you more. Come on baby." I heard his movements quicken.

So I slipped two fingers inside of me and began to move them in time with his words and placed my thumb on my clit rubbing it in small circles as Edward instructed me.

"Ohh, Edward, I got two fingers inside me, it's good but nothing like you. I love your huge cock in me, Edward, I can almost feel you. Whisper to me like you did when you were with me. Hurry, baby, I'm going to come." I quickened the pace and pumped myself furiously with my eyes closed so I could pretend that Edward was with me.

"Baby, I can't wait to taste you; you smell so good and taste even better. I love watching you come ,Bella and then licking up everything you spill for me."

I threw my head back onto the bed and felt my body draw the burning fire from the pit of my stomach and spread throughout my body. I let go and allowed my orgasm to carry me wherever it wanted to.

"Edward, oh god, I'm coming, Edward, hurry come with me."

"I am, Bella, I ammmm, " he panted into the phone.

We both laid there for a few minutes coming back down together. Edward murmured things to me through the phone, but just like when he was really here I couldn't understand most of what he said. I just knew that he was showing me his love.

I heard the front door open and slam shut, signaling Emmett and Rosalie's return.

"Edward, as much as I would like to cuddle with you like this for hours, uhm Em and Rosalie are now home so I need to go and close your door at least. I would, however, prefer a shower. So I think I need to go."

"Okay, I'm sure Dr. Ward and his family will be home soon anyway so I'll let you go as well. I love you, Bella. This is definitely something that we'll do again. Go and buy yourself a toy, Bella, never mind that, I will send you one myself. I love you!" I could hear the happiness in his voice at our small venture together.

I tapped the phone to end the call and ran to my room before I flashed any of my roommates.

I, myself, was happy as well. Maybe this wasn't going to be such a long month after all.

* * *

E/n:What would your theme song be to describe your relationship with Edward, Jasper, Emmett, Carlisle, Jacob or whatever Team you are on?

Mine would be with Edward and it would be Sex on Fire!


	14. Chapter 14 Need You Now

**A/N:A big fat thanks and lots of love to the posse-LexyW, Sonja, Eternally Addicted, Hope 4 More, mommymac0508 and bbwraven! You all rock and I thank you from the bottom of my heart, you keep me going! Thank you to all of the new readers- I appreciate you all more than you know. Drop me a little review and I can thank you personally;)**

**Playlist:Need You Now-Lady Antebellum ( I love the accoustic version that is a bonus track with the cd), Next Plane Out-Celine Dion, To Say Goodbye-Joey+Rory, Bless The Broken Road-Rascal Flatts(the accoustic version on the Hannah Montana soundtrack is soooooo good, really shows off Gary's voice, I'm just saying)You've Made Me So Very Happy-Blood, Sweat & Tears**

**Disclaimer- I don't own any of this, SM and the talented people who wrote and sang the songs do! Sucks for me, I know:(**

**I hope you enjoy...**

* * *

_Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor, Reaching for the phone, 'cause I can't fight it anymore_

_And I wonder if I ever cross your mind, for me it happens all of the time_

_It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now, Said I wouldn't call, but I've lost all control and I need you now_

_And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now_

_Another shot of whiskey, Can't stop looking at the door, Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before_

_And I wonder if I ever cross your mind, for me it happens all of the time_

_It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now, Said I wouldn't call, but I've lost all control and I need you now_

_And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now_

_**Lady Antebellum-Need You Now**_

Chapter 14- Need You Now

**Edward's POV**

I decided that today I would go out and learn the city. I needed to find a place to stay and think about the arrangements that I would need to make this work.

We haven't had a chance to discuss the fact that I was doing my residency in Seattle, so I wasn't sure what Bella thought about it. I wanted to call her tonight and talk things over with her. If I waited until sunset, then I could walk down to the park. Maybe she can watch the sun set with me while we talked. It always made me feel closer to her to be doing the same thing she was doing even if I wasn't in the exact location that she was. One time I called her while she was grocery shopping, so I went to the grocery store and wandered around while we talked. I know it sounds stupid but I felt like I was there with her. And that was enough.

I headed back to the department store and Jenny; she did such a great job with Bella's first present that I wanted her help with another gift for Bella. Hopefully this would give her something to look forward to. It may keep her from concentrating on the time we're away from each other.

With Bella's gift taken care of, I left the store looking for a place to stay when I came back. I went down to the hospital to see if they had any info posted for roommates in the lounge. I stopped by Dr. Johnston's office and let him know I was there to see about roommates.

"Dr. Johnston, how are you? I just wanted to stop by and see if I could find any info on a possible roommate. I need to get things in order so I can be ready to come back. Is there anything you need me to do while I'm here?" I offered.

"As a matter of fact, Masen, you can go down to personnel and fill out paperwork while you're here and that way you won't be bogged down with all of that stuff when you show up to work for me. How long are you going to be in the city?"

"Sir, I'm staying with a family friend until the end of the month, and then I'll go home to Forks again for a month before I come back here to work. I wanted to try to get settled with a place to stay so I can come back and start work. I kind of like to have all the other stuff already taken care of before I get here," I stated.

"Smart man, Masen. You'll do fine here. Head down the elevator and down to the ground floor that'll take you to personnel. Tell them you will start on August 1st and they'll get your name and all your info entered in. They'll give you all the info you need and may even be able to help you with a roommate; they can be quite helpful down there. Come see me on a day when you have time and we'll make a few rounds together, get to know each other. Tell your Dad I said hi for me, will you?" His pager went off and he was called away, so off I went to Personnel.

When I stepped off of the elevator, I saw a large sign for personnel and followed it to the double doors. I opened the double doors and walked up to the desk.

"May I help you, sir?" A bubble gum chewing blonde asked me.

"Certainly, Chief Johnston sent me down here; he asked me to let you know I would start on August 1st and needed to fill out all the paperwork." Her face lit up at my words and I stepped back expecting her to launch over the desk at me.

"Well, now this hospital might not be so miserable to come to with you here each day. What did you say your name is?" She smacked her gum at me.

"Masen, Edward Masen. Is there a lot of paperwork, should I take it home or just fill it out here?" I responded.

"No, Edward, you fill it out here. I'll move over and you can use the edge of my desk." She moved to the far left side of her desk so I would have plenty of room. I wasn't interested in sharing anything with her. She wore a tight spandex tube dress and bright pink lipstick; she looked like she stepped right out of the 80's. She was popping her gum the whole time I sat at her desk to fill out the paperwork.

I finished my paperwork and handed it back to her and stood to leave.

"Chief said you might know of anyone looking for a roommate, I need a place when I come back." I offered her a small smile hoping it would make her more willing to share any info she had.

"Sure, there is a bulletin board in the Resident's lounge that you could check. Take the elevator and go up one floor and take a right you'll see it then. And good luck, Edward Masen, if you ever need anything at all you call me. Here I'll enter my cell info on yours let me see it." She offered, holding out her hands waiting for me to hand her my phone. There was no way in hell I was getting into that situation ever again.

"Sorry, I'm about to change phones, I hate this Blackberry. Maybe you could write it down for me and when I get my new phone I can enter it then?" I hoped she would take that explanation.

"Sure, I'm Jessica Stanley, here is my home number, cell number, and my parents place just in case you can't reach me. I would love to show you around Seattle when you come back to work. Why don't you give me a call?" She pouted her lips and leaned closer to me across the desk, practically shoving her boobs into my face.

Just then a small blond woman busted into the office, and we both turned and looked at her.

"Are you Edward Masen?" She directed at me.

"Yes, I am." I stepped towards the new person and away from Cyndi Lauper.

"Chief sent me down to find you. He wanted you to meet a few people while you are here and he mumbled something about needing a roommate. I don't know just follow me." She turned and marched out of Personnel so I followed her. Cyndi Lauper cleared her throat and then waved at me when I turned to look at her again. I just kept following my new best friend.

"Thanks, I appreciate you finding me. I was just about to have to agree to marry your friend back there. She sure is a persistent little thing, isn't she?" She was marching way ahead of me but I still got the feeling that she was assessing me. I was simply trying to keep up and thank her at the same time. We were rushing so fast through the hospital that I had no chance to take in what we were passing or keep my sense of direction.

Suddenly my rescuer stopped and turned on her heels to face me. "She's no friend of mine. Stay away from her if you know what's good for you. She'll eat you up and spit you out. She's been around the block a few times, if you know what I mean. The Chief's right there at the end of the hall, I gotta run." And with those few words, she took off in the other direction.

I felt strange after our run through the hospital and even stranger after our talk. Shaking off the strange feelings, I headed towards Dr. Johnston to see what he had in store for me.

"Ah, great. Edward, come on over. I would like to introduce you to several people." He took the time to introduce me to James, Laurent and Riley. He left us talking in the halls.

"Edward, it's nice to meet you. The chief told us that you are looking for a place to stay. We're living in a house together and one of our roommates is leaving. So that would leave one very tiny room open if you're interested," James offered.

"That's great. I would love it." Suddenly glad that I came to the hospital, even if parts of the visit were strange.

"Don't get too excited, the room is only big enough for a small bed and one dresser. Not enough room for a closet, so does that change your mind?" Laurent questioned.

"If I can lie down and sleep in the room, then I'm good. I will only be using it part of the time anyway. I'll drive back to Forks whenever I can. I won't be ready to move in until the end of next month. Can I go ahead and give you some rent now to hold it for me?"

James nodded and smiled, while Laurent stood off to the side clapping his hands. We spent a few minutes exchanging phone numbers and rent money.

I walked out of the hospital feeling like I was ready to take on the world. Who knows what combination of things made me feel this way, but I knew without question that the main reason was Bella. Nothing made sense without Bella. The part of my brain that processed thought was wise enough to know that I couldn't make it on my own. She was everything good in my life and she made my strange life make sense.

I wanted to see Bella, no needed to see Bella. Tell her what I felt for her; explain in details how important she is to me. So I rushed to my temporary home formulating a plan on how to see Bella.

Dr. Ward called out for me to come in when I knocked on his office door. I entered and sat in my usual comfy chair, feeling so calm in this office and ready for the debate that I assumed was ahead of me.

"Dr. Ward, I want to see Bella. I know we discussed being here for about a month and I'm willing to stay for the rest of the time with you. But I have to see her and tell her all of the things I have figured out while I'm here, away from her. I know Bella and she tends to worry a lot. I want to assure her everything is fine and let her see that we, as a couple, are great. I need to know that the progress I'm making here is helping her as well as me. I need to see her, please." Setting back and resting my hands on my legs, suddenly now nervous at what his response would be.

"Edward, that's a great idea. Can I make a suggestion? Call Bella and invite her here. I think it would be best for you to stay in Seattle, in other words, not go home to Forks. I don't think you're ready for all the questions from your family. You're doing great and making wonderful progress, but not that good yet. Besides, the two of you will be here alone and that is a better environment for talking, if you know what I mean," he shrugged and his face broke into a large grin.

"I don't know how comfortable Bella would be staying with me in your house. I think I'll make us a reservation at a hotel, if that's okay?" I hesitated, not sure how he would feel about that.

"Edward, why do you doubt your decision? That's a great idea." He took his glasses off and leaned forward on his elbows.

"I don't know, I guess I don't want to rush too fast and mess anything up." I felt my hand brush through my hair, a sure sign that I was nervous.

"Edward, your decision making skills are fine. One mistake doesn't make you incapable of making good decisions. You and Bella love each other. Don't doubt that or allow what happened in the past to cloud what you need to do in the future. If you do, it will certainly cause problems. Call her, Edward, and invite her out here. Make a reservation at a fancy hotel and treat her special. Trust me, women love that, and then tell her what you feel. Don't hold back and for heaven's sake, please don't over think anything. It'll turn you inside out, just feel. Okay?" He sat back and replaced his glasses, but still smiling.

"Okay, I'm going to call her." I rushed from the room. I couldn't wait to call Bella and beg her to come to Seattle for the weekend. I dialed as I rushed up the steps to my room.

"Edward, what's up?" She sounded excited.

"Baby, I couldn't wait to call you; I have a huge surprise and I hope you'll like it." My voice sounded high and fast. I felt like a two year old hopped up on too much sugar. I was bouncing with nervous energy.

"Well, you gonna make me guess or are you gonna just tell me?" She laughed at me, obviously noticing my excitement.

"No, I'll tell you. I want you to come to Seattle for the weekend with me. I'll make us a reservation at a fancy hotel and we can spend the weekend just being together. I talked with Dr. Ward today and he thinks it's a great idea. So, will you come?"

"Oh, Edward, I would love to. I can't wait to get there to see you. I think I'll talk to Charlotte and see if I can leave early tomorrow. The lawyers for Charlie's estate have called me several times, trying to get me to come to Seattle and sign some papers. I guess this would be the perfect opportunity for me to take care of that." My happiness suddenly fell flat.

Bella had been part of our family for so long that I forgot the total number of years. I do remember when she came to live here in Forks and how she missed her mother. I watched as her and Charlie became a real father and daughter, not just two people living in the same house. I also remember the night when Charlie was killed while helping a car stranded on the highway. He pulled over to help a woman change her tire in the rain of course. He changed the tire and sent the woman on her way. As he walked back to his cruiser, he was struck by another car. He died instantly without any pain, for which I was grateful, and no realization that he would never see Bella again. Chief Swan was a good man. He loved his daughter, his job and the town of Forks.

Bella was spending the night with us. Carlisle took the call from the deputy investigating the accident. Carlisle called Alice and Bella downstairs and told them both what happened. Alice held Bella all night and rocked her when she cried. I wasn't that close to Bella then, but it still hurt to watch her go through the pain. It brought back the memories of when my parents died and that pain rose to the front of my brain. I could feel the disbelief wash through me again. After all these years, it was still hard to remember that my parents were actually gone.

Before I knew it, we were all sitting in the living room huddled around Bella sharing her pain and hopefully helping her realize she still had family. The next year I started dating Tanya, so I really wasn't sure how well Bella coped with the Chief's death. She seemed fine on the outside, but I was proof that you couldn't judge a book by its cover.

"Bella, is everything okay? Why do you need to see the lawyer?" I wanted to be there for her and allow her to learn to lean on me.

"It's fine, Edward. When I turned twenty-five, I inherited all of Charlie's estate. He set it up so that I got enough to live on and pay for college until I was twenty-five. And then I got the rest of it, so I just need to sign the final papers. I have really been putting it off for several weeks but now I think I can do it. Will you go with me?" Her voice sounded hesitant and maybe a little embarrassed.

"Of course, I will; you call them and make the arrangements. Call me back when you're done. I'll call the hotel, which one do you want to stay in?" Hoping that she would divert her attention to choosing one, instead of on the call she was about to make.

"You pick, whichever one is fine with me. I give you free reign," she chuckled but it sounded humorless.

"You realize that allows me to spend whatever I want, right?" I thought the cost issue would make her care, but I was wrong.

"You spend whatever you want Edward; I just want to see you. I don't care about the room. I promise." Her voice lifted and softened when she mentioned seeing me. So I believed her words.

"I love you, baby. I'm glad you're coming to Seattle with me." I was happy again, just the thought of seeing her again lifting my spirits.

"Love you too, Edward. I'll call you back when I'm done talking with the lawyer and Charlotte. I still have to see if I can take time off."

I called and made reservations for a suite. Rushing around my room, I packed what I would need to spend the weekend with Bella. If she could get time off, she would be here in less than twenty-four hours.

The thoughts of what Bella would go through at the lawyer's office scared me. I hoped that Bella would allow me to be there for her and help her.

I left Dr. Ward's house and went back to the store. I wanted to leave a special present for Bella waiting at the hotel. I had lots to do before she got here.

* * *

**End Notes: I have a few fic's that I am reading and they totally own me, so I thought I would share:**

**Help Wanted by jaxon22-This one is almost complete, so you can read without any interruptions! I love those that are complete.**

**The Workshop-A Tale of Edible Delights by danieller123-This one hooked me from word on, Edward and Bella are so vivd in this one! She is quite a ways in on this one as well, so another good uniterrupted read!**

**Worth The Burn by My Bella with a side of help from my lovie Eternally Addicted. So, good to read:)**

**With that said, if you have a fic that you love send me a pm or review and share it with me!**

**On another topic-I am really worried about the stories that have been pulled from fanfic and their authors, I write this for my own amusement that is for sure! But...how much fun would it be if noone gets to read it? Not so much! For now, this is the only place that I have the stories submitted, but eventually I will find another place that allows my stories as if to be posted. I will post the new location on my profile as well as in the future chapters of the story. To the authors that have been pulled, I promise to follow you and finish what we started together, keep your heads up!**

**Sorry for the long notes, thanks for hanging with me;)**


	15. Chapter 15 I Can't Take My Eyes Off You

**A/N: The usual thank yous apply:Lexy- for doing this when I am sure that you would have rather been doing something else, I love ya and pray for your strength! Sonja-I am so jealous, have a great time in Madrid. Eternally Addicted- you are so freaking funny, thanks for making me laugh. mommymac0508- I am so proud of you, it's like watching one of your kids grow up and achieve things, keep writing! bbwraven- Where are you bb? I hope you're writing more on your awesome story(Awakening, for those of you who aren't reading it, go and read it now!), 'cause I can't get enough of it:) And to BobRob-you are my bestest friend ever and I love you so much, come on Friday! Dinner, Drinks, and 10 foot tall Rob, there ain't nothing better than those three!**

**Playlist:Can't Take My Eyes Off You-Lady Antebellum, Let's Make Love-Tim McGraw & Faith Hill, Never Love You Enough-Chely Wright, To Love Somebody-Michael Johns, To Make You Feel My Love-Kris Allen**

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight, and songs are property of individual singers, groups, songwriters, etc. In other words I don't own any of it:(**

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I know that the bridges that I burned along the way, Have left me with these walls and these scars that won't go away

And opening up, Has always been the hardest thing, Until you came

So lay here, Beside me, Just hold me, And don't let go

This feeling, I'm feeling, Is something I've never known

And I just can't take my eyes off you, I just can't take my eyes off you

I love when you tell me that I'm pretty when I just wake up,

And I love how you tease me when I'm moody but it's never too much

I'm falling fast, But the truth is I'm not scared at all, You've climbed my walls

So lay here, Beside me, Just hold me, And don't let go

This feeling, I'm feeling, Is something I've never known

And I just can't take my eyes off you, And I just can't take my eyes off you

Off you, Off you

Lady Antebellum-Can't Take My Eyes off You

**Chapter 15- Can't Take My Eyes off You**

**Bella's POV**-

Part of me was so excited about spending the weekend with Edward, but the other part dreaded the trip to the lawyer's office. I really just needed to sign the papers.

I sat at my desk looking out the window but not really seeing anything. My mind was lost in the night I found out Charlie had been killed. He loved his job and probably was happy that he died in his uniform. Carlisle explained the accident and assured me that he didn't suffer in anyway. I felt better knowing that he had no pain. It still felt surreal, knowing that Charlie was gone.

I was thankful that I was not alone. Not once since Charlie died have I been alone. The Cullens have been my family; they were giving me more than I ever had. I now had two parents as well as brothers and sisters. I was truly blessed, but that didn't stop me from missing Charlie.

I was sorry that Charlie spent most of his life without love and companionship. He was a good man and had a lot to offer someone. I knew that he wanted more, but something stopped him from finding that special someone. I don't know if he was afraid of being hurt again or afraid that he didn't have anything to offer someone else. I just know that his eyes lit up when he spoke of the first few years that he and Renee were married. I knew he liked the idea of being married. Maybe his love for Renee was too deep, and he never fell out of love with her. I'm not sure but I know that I promised myself the night he died that I would spend my life with someone I loved. I would have a marriage like Esme and Carlisle, a forever kind of thing. I didn't want to spend forever going from one guy to the next looking for perfection, like Renee. Men were human and they were not perfect. I also would not spend the rest of my life alone either.

As I was sinking in deeper into the pit of worry, Charlotte walked into my office.

"Whoa, what is that look for? Did someone run over your dog?" she teased.

"Something like that. Edward just called and invited me to Seattle for the weekend. I'm definitely going but I think I also need to go and see the lawyers for my dad's estate. That's the worry part." I shrugged.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't even know your father died. How long ago?" Charlotte sat down with a concerned look on her face.

"Oh, Charlotte, it was years ago. I just inherited his full estate when I turned twenty-five, so I have to sign some more papers. It just makes it all so final, you know. He's gone and I accept that. But I don't know if I'm ready to take care of all of his stuff. I kept putting it off until I reached this point. I kept telling myself that I would know what to do when it was time, and now that I'm here, I don't have a clue. I guess I'll figure it out soon enough." I sighed and laid my head down on my desk.

"Bella, just take off tomorrow and go to Seattle. Take care of the lawyers and then spend time with Edward. Just because you sign the papers doesn't mean that you have to make any big moves at all. Just take time to hear what the lawyers say and think it over. When you feel ready, then you make changes. I went through this with my mom. She was terrified after my father died. She was sure that she would destroy all he had worked so hard to build up. She didn't do anything for so long. Finally she went and listened to the lawyer, he put her in touch with an accountant. The accountant took my dad's money and built it up to ten times what he left my mom. She felt so much better knowing that she took what he gave her and made it better. Don't panic, just listen and sign. Think things over and then decide, okay?" Charlotte patted my back and left the office. She poked her head back in the office and smiled. "Go to Seattle; you are always here way after everyone else goes home. I think you deserve some fun time, go!" She smiled at me and waved.

I turned back to the window and smiled. Charlotte was right. All I had to do was just sign the papers and listen. I would then enjoy my weekend with Edward. I would wait for everything else.

I dialed Edward.

"Hello," he answered right away.

"Hey baby, guess what?" I smirked.

"You're coming to Seattle to see me?" he shouted.

"Yes, I'm coming to Seattle to see you. I have to call the lawyer and set up the appointment. I'll leave tomorrow morning." He cut me off before I continued.

"Why don't you leave tonight? If you are off tomorrow all day, then leave tonight. I could be holding you in a few hours, please come see me tonight,." he begged.

"I guess I could call Alice and have her go and get my clothes for me. Then I could leave right after work. That would put me in Seattle by nine o'clock. Can you get the room tonight as well?" I suggested. I was just as anxious as he was about this weekend. I could only imagine all the pent up frustrations he had from all of my panty pictures. I know I was certainly ready to see his glorious body again.

"You make your calls, and I'll make mine. Call me when you're leaving work and I'll give you directions. I love you."

"I love you, too, Edward. See you in a few hours," I said, smiling as I hung up the phone, and then I dialed Alice.

"Ali, please help me out. Edward called and I'm going to spend the weekend with him in Seattle. I'm off tomorrow so I'll be leaving tonight. Could you possibly go by the house and pack up some things I'll need for the weekend and bring them to me? I know you want a complete say over what I need to take anyway, so this way I have no choice but to wear what you pack for me." She was already squealing and clapping her hands.

"Bella, say no more, leave it all to me. I'll meet you at your car at five o'clock sharp. I'll have everything you need, I promise." She hung up immediately. I was afraid of the full control I just handed over to Alice. I was hoping that she would take pity on me and not pack me some crazy stuff. I, however, knew my friend very well and knew that I would definitely end up with some crazy stuff in my suitcase. I couldn't be mad at her though; I was going to see Edward for the weekend.

The rest of the day passed at a snail's pace. I had a raging headache by the time five o'clock rolled around. I cleaned up my desk, took a few aspirins and went to say goodbye to Charlotte. She stood when I walked into her office and embraced me in a hug.

"Bella, promise me you'll have fun. I know you're excited to see Edward. Don't think, just feel, okay?" Charlotte smiled as I nodded in answer.

Alice was waiting beside my Audi as promised with a large suitcase. She was jumping up and down on the balls of her feet as I approached her. Alice launched herself at me in a flash and jumped up to embrace me in a full body hug. I struggled to gain my balance with her attached to the front of my body. She bounced down to the concrete again and wheeled my suitcase to the back door of the car. Her grace and speed always boggled my mind. I guess she got my share of both the grace and speed because she certainly made up for what I lacked. I guess it's a good thing we were best friends.

"Bella, I packed you several things, a couple of casual outfits for sightseeing, several nice outfits for dinner and dancing and plenty of sexy lingerie for Edward. I put all of your makeup in your makeup case, which we will need to shop for some more makeup for you. I can't believe that you had so little, what is the world coming to? I also put in your hairbrush, hair dryer, lotion, shampoo, body wash and almost anything that was in your bathroom, just in case," she said emphasized the sexy lingerie part. It scared me to unzip the suitcase and see what fit Alice's description of sexy lingerie. I was sure it was different than mine, but I was also sure that Edward would like it.

I gave her a quick hug and climbed into the car. My hands were shaking as they gripped the wheel. The adrenaline was pumping through my body and causing me to be a little on edge. I had a three hour drive ahead of me and needed to calm down. I pulled my phone out of my bag and called Edward. Maybe he could talk to me while I drove. His smooth, sexy voice always helped when I was on edge.

"Hello beautiful, are you on your way?" Dripping panties? Check. And to think he did that with just seven little words. His voice did such wonderful things to me.

"I am. I wanted to talk to you because I'm so keyed up that I was shaking. I need something to distract me. I was hoping you would do that," I was trying to calm my nerves and relax enough to make it to Seattle alive, I took a deep breath.

"Okay, sounds like you need a good car game. What do you feel like playing?" My mind went straight to the gutter and imagined what I would like to play with. A small groan escaped my lips, Edward chuckled.

"I said what would you like to play Bella, not what would you like to play with, you minx. Now thanks to you I'm hard. What are you going to do about that?" His voice sent shock waves straight through my core. I could feel the mild sexual tension suddenly crank up to a level ten.

"It's not my fault. Your voice does things to me and I can't stop where it causes my mind to go. So if you want me to keep a clean mind, you need to stop talking to me." I'm not sure why I said that, there was no way that I wanted him to stop talking to me.

"Bella, I don't think I can stop. I'm in too deep with you. Besides maybe this distance is a good thing. It'll give us time to do some talking. We did fall in kind of quickly, don't you think?" Edward questioned.

"Well, sort of. I mean we have known each other most of our lives, so most of preliminary stuff that couples go through we were able to skip. Are you regretting that we jumped in so quick?" Apprehension seeped into my brain and took hold of my heart. I felt it lurch to a stop and sat motionless waiting on Edward's answer.

"No, Bella. I wouldn't change a thing. I think we did things just right. But we are two different people than we were as teenagers. I think we should do some talking and make sure we know who we are as adults. That's all I meant." My heart began pumping again.

"Oh, well, talking is good. As long as we don't spend all weekend just talking," I added suggestively.

"Don't worry about that, we won't." He paused. "I do plan on seeing the Space Needle, Pikes Place Market, and several other spots that all tourists see in Seattle. Why, Bella, what did you have in mind?" I laughed out loud at him. I could close my eyes and still see the smirk he brought to his face when his jokes went over well.

"I want to see a Mariner's game while I'm there; they were Charlie's favorite team," I whispered, overcome with the sadness of seeing a Mariner's game without Charlie.

"Then we will, I promise. Charlie would be angry if we didn't." After those simple words, he moved on to a new topic for me.

We laughed and talked for the entire three hour ride to Seattle. I was so glad for his distractions. I also truly learned about the grown up Edward, just like he promised.

"Edward, will you wait for me in the room? I don't want to meet you in the lobby. I just think I'm too excited to be around a crowd of people, okay?" I hoped he understood what I was trying to say. I wasn't sure what I would feel when I saw him again. I was sure that it would be a strong emotion, and I didn't want that in front of people.

"I'll wait right here, baby. You come on up," he purred.

We hung up as I pulled up for the valet to park my car.

I stepped into the elevators and watched my reflection in the doors. I wished I had stopped somewhere along the way to freshen up. My pants were wrinkled, my hair had fallen flat and I could use a little make up as well. All of a sudden I was so nervous to see Edward. I didn't have time to worry anymore; the bell signaled my arrival.

Before I could knock on the door, Edward opened it and pulled me into his arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on to him like my life depended on it. He pulled away and put his hands up to frame my face. I could see into his soul when he looked deep into my eyes. The emotions passing from him to me caused silent tears to begin to fall. He kissed them away and held me close. His smell was the same, his body felt the same-yet somehow he was different. I could feel him kissing my face while whispering sweet words to me. His hands roamed my body, trying to memorize it again. Time ceased to move for us, we were just here together, and that was all that mattered.

"God, baby. I have missed you so much. Let's go and eat dinner right now because when I get you in this room, we are not leaving for awhile." I gasped at his words; they reflected my exact thoughts.

"Can we just order room service and stay in tonight? I promise that we can go out tomorrow, but tonight I'm just too tired." The door to the suite was propped open, so I turned and walked in pulling him with me. I let go of the handle of my luggage down and placed both hands on his chest. I leaned forward to try to kiss Edward, but leaning forward wasn't enough to reach his mouth. He chuckled when he realized my goal and leaned down to help me. When our lips met, I swear there were fireworks in the background. Edward kissed me deep, moving from my mouth to other parts of my face and neck. I was light headed and weak when he finally pulled away.

"Okay, let's stay in." His smile radiated off of him and lit the room.

He ordered room service for us as I unpacked. We talked and laughed without any lull in the conversation. It seemed as if no time has passed since we last saw each other. He made me feel comfortable, and I knew I didn't need to hide anything from him. He understood and accepted what and who I was.

We moved to the balcony to eat dinner. The skyline of Seattle was too much for us to pass up on the warm night. We sat close and touched often. Simple brushes of our hands, or my leg would drift to intertwine with his. Almost as if our bodies couldn't keep their distance from each other. It felt wonderful to know he craved my touch as much as I craved his. We talked for hours just lounging together on the balcony. Edward told me all about his therapy with Dr. Ward, about Seattle Memorial and how he would work out his residency. I had mentally prepared myself to be away from him for that time but Edward worked out a schedule for him to work four days straight and then off three. That would allow him to travel back and forth to Forks to be with me. I felt so lucky to have someone so willing to make things work for me.

Our conversation drifted to an end, so we just sat and enjoyed being with each other. Edward had long ago moved to my lounge chair with me. He slid his hands into my shirt and began caressing my stomach. The warmth of his hands ignited a fire deep within my body, and I turned to face him. His hand slid along my stomach as I moved and ended up pressed against the small of my back. He held me tightly against his body. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to soak in the feelings of what his body did to mine. I felt the emotions that radiated off of him as well. The combination made me lightheaded. I craved more contact, so I kissed him. A moan escaped from me when he deepened the kiss, his tongue gliding into my mouth to explore. I loved the feel of our tongues when they met each other.

I pulled away to draw in a quick breath. Edward moved to stand when I pulled back.

"No, come back," I rushed to explain.

"What I want, Bella, we can't do out here, come on," his voice filled with longing. He held his hand out for me, pulling me up when I took it.

The bedroom was on the opposite side of the suite. The windows in the bedroom still showed a magnificent view of Seattle; however, from these particular windows we didn't have to worry about anyone seeing into our room.

We left the lights off, allowing the lights of the city to be our guide. We really didn't need lights, but selfish as I was, I wanted to see Edward's glorious body lit up by the Seattle skyline.

I was ready for patient, slow Edward. Instead I got needy, demanding Edward. He quickly pushed me against the wall and threaded his hands in my hair. His lips mere millimeters from mine as he searched my face, his eyes darting from feature to feature until they settled on my eyes. I was startled by the emotions that had taken root in his eyes. I could see love, lust and fear. I wanted to erase the fear. I gave him a small nod. As understanding passed over his face, he leaned in to kiss me. My hands were pushed up over my head and held against the door by one of his hands. That left his free hand to roam my body, touching my overheated skin and cooling it as he went along. His touch was ice cold against my body, the coolness turning me on and igniting the fire held deep within me. Want and desire coursed through me as he showed me his need for me. The knowledge that I did this to his body and mind pushed me passed the point of no return. It filled my head with thoughts of what I wanted him to do to me, causing me to whimper as those images passed through my head.

Edward was slowly releasing the buttons on my shirt, touching the skin that was exposed as he went. He was memorizing me all over again, worshiping me with his hands. His hands picked up pace when they reached my pants. I felt the fabric slid down my legs and I stepped out of them. I lowered my arms and pulled the shirt off.

Edward spun me around to face the wall and pushed my hands back up against the wall. He leaned in and pressed his body against mine as he whispered in my ear.

"Bella, you feel fucking amazing."

"Uhnnn," I responded, my brain incapable of forming words. The feelings were taking me over, leaving no room in my brain for other thoughts.

His hands slid down the sides of my chest brushing against each breast as he did. When he reached my hips, he tugged me back against his rock hard cock. I pushed back slightly to increase the pressure on each of us. Edward unclasped my bra strap and pushed it away from my body. He replaced the material with his hands, fully covering my breasts with his long, beautiful hands.

"God, Bella," he murmured as he dropped his head against my spine, his hands moving in slow, erotic rhythms. I pushed away from the wall and turned to face him. I put my hand in the middle of his chest and pushed him towards the bed. He pulled his shirt off and tossed it aside as we walked. When his knees hit the side of the bed, I gave an extra push to his chest. Edward fell down onto the bed, his eyes closed and arms outstretched, looking like a Greek God. I quickly unbuttoned his jeans and slid them down his legs. He kicked them off, followed by his boxers as well.

I leaned over his body allowing my hair to touch his skin. I pulled my panties off and climbed up on the bed beside him. As he reached for me, I pushed his hands back down on the bed above his head. I straddled him and started kissing my way down his glorious body.

Edward's skin was slick from sweat and salty to my tongue. I licked and kissed my way down his chest stopping at each nipple to take my time. Twice while I was licking his nipples, he pulled his hands down from above his head. I shook my head at him and pushed them back up to their original spot. I climbed back up his body and started my kissing all over again. After the second mistake, he learned and left his hands in place. I loved the feeling that being in charge was giving me, it made me feel so sexy that Edward allowed me to be in charge of his body. I relished each lick, suck and kiss.

I finally reached his hip and the fuck-hot V that lead me towards the promise land. When I placed my lips at the lowest point of the V Edward moaned and shifted his body to move me closer to his cock.

I took his cock in my hands and licked it from the base to tip and swirled my tongue at the tip. Slowly I slid his cock in my mouth and moved down his length to take him in. When I felt him press against the back of my throat, I placed my hand around the exposed shaft and tightened my grip. I moved up his length swirling my tongue around the shaft followed by my hand until I reached the tip again.

He suddenly pushed me off of him and I shifted backwards, stunned. He quickly stood and pulled me back to his ready cock. I slid him back in my mouth as he threw his head back and fucked my mouth. I moaned at his rough pace and felt myself grow wetter. I was so turned on by bringing Edward pleasure. He slipped his hand into my hair and held the back of my head to guide me and helped keep the pace. His other hand drifted down to rest on my neck.

"Bella, don't stop, fuck. Uhgnn, fuck," Edward panted as his grip on my neck tightened slightly.

I relaxed my throat and pushed harder as Edward's hand guided me down on his shaft. I wanted to feel him come, and I knew he was almost there. I hummed around his hard cock.

"Bella, touch yourself. Let me see you touch yourself," he demanded.

I did as he asked and sunk two fingers into my slick core as his entire body shuttered. I slid my mouth as far along his shaft as I could and waited to feel him spill into me.

The taste of Edward in my mouth was heaven. I didn't want to let him go, but he pulled back to look down at me.

"Let's get you on the bed; I'm not finished with you." His smile caused more reactions in my body when it was accompanied by those words.

He pulled me up and led back the few steps to the bed. I turned to look at him as I waited for him to direct me in how he wanted me. He stood back and watched my chest heave with the excited breaths that I took. We stood staring at each other, completely naked and panting for each other. I felt the shock rush through me as I realized that Edward and I had a deeper connection. I could see his eyes reveal many things his mouth had not yet said and willed all of the pent up emotions in me to show themselves to him. The air was charged with our electric stares and our bodies were slowly drifting to each other.

Edward climbed up on the bed and moved towards the center. He sat down and laid his legs out in front of him. I stood and watched his body as the muscles rippled from his movement. His cock was hard again and looked larger than just a few minutes ago when I had it in my mouth.

I stepped forward and climbed on the bed with Edward. He guided my hips to sit facing him and pulled each of my outstretched legs over his. I slid forward until our hips were touching. Edward took his cock in his hand and coating both of us with the moisture from my body. Once we were both coated, he easily slid his cock inside me. I leaned back resting on my hands to allow him to enter me deeper. He used his palms on the bed for leverage and thrust his hips against mine. His cock was already pushing on the magic spot causing delicious spasms to run through my body. My wet pussy open for him with my legs draped on each side of his hips. He licked his lips as he watched himself enter me over and over.

"You have the most beautiful pussy, Bella. I love watching this," he said, all the while, his eyes never left my body.

Edward took my left leg and placed it up on his shoulder. I allowed my other leg to fall farther open as he started circling my clit with his thumb. He touched all over me except the spot that screamed for pressure of any kind.

"Edward, fucking touch it before I lose my damn mind." He chuckled as he slid his thumb directly over my clit and pressed it slightly upwards.

"Like this, baby?"

"Ohhh fuck, yes just like that," I panted at him. The sensations were overwhelming me and I closed my eyes as Edward continued to rub his thumb across me. Every so often, he would remove his thumb to suck it into his mouth and lick the traces of me off of it. He made a deep rumbling moan every time as he swirled the end of his thumb with his tongue before he would place it back against my clit.

His thrusts, hitting my G-spot, accompanied by his precise thumb pressure sent me spiraling out of control when my orgasm slammed through me. Edward sped up his hips prolonging it, carrying me along on my cloud allowing me to enjoy the full effect of the sensations. My arms went weak and I lay back against the bed, one leg still thrown up on his shoulder the other hanging limp on his hip. I was unable to control my body now; it was simply Edward's for the taking.

He leaned forward and curled one knee at a time behind him until he was able to sit up on his knees. He sat up higher and leaned forward causing my leg that was over his shoulder to press into my chest with his weight. With his first thrust in this new position, I felt the jolt through my body that aligned all of my senses and prepared me for another consuming orgasm. Edward must have felt the preparations that my body was making because he deepened his thrusting igniting the fuse of my passion. My body once again stepped up to the edge of the cliff and dove headfirst into ecstasy. Edward followed behind me, his body tensing as I felt him releasing into me.

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**E/N: Okay.....so, what did you think? Press that little green button and let me know. Are you going to see Remember Me this weekend? How many times are you going to go? I will be there Friday night with my girls and then Saturday with my daughter and her friends! Go see it multiple times!**


	16. Chapter 16 I Turn To You

**A/N: Thanks again to the usual people-Lexy, Sonja, Eternally Addicted, Hope 4 More, mommymac0508, BobRob, and all the new readers. I see your names when you add me to your alert lists and I thank you all:) **

**The outfits and extra stuff is on the profile, so go and check them out.**

**Playlist:I Turn To You-Christina Aguilera, Address In The Stars- Caitlyn & Will, There You Are-Martina McBride, Time With You-Billy Currington**

**As per the usual, I don't own any of the Twilight stuff, or songs stuff:( Sucks for me.**

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**When I'm lost in the rain, In your eyes I know I'll find the light to light my way**

**When I'm scared of losing ground, When my world is going crazy, You can turn it all around**

**And when I'm down, You're there pushing me to the top, Your always there giving me everything you've got**

**For a Shield from the storm, For a friend, For a Love to keep me safe and warm**

**I turn to you**

**For the strength to be strong, For the will to carry on, For everything you do, For everything that's true**

**I turn to you **

**When I lose the will to win, I just reach for you, And I can reach the stars again**

**I can do, anything, Because your love is so amazing, Because your love inspires me**

**And when I need a friend, You're always on my side, Giving me faith taking me through the night**

**For a Shield from the storm, For a friend, For a Love to keep me safe and warm**

**I turn to you**

**For the strength to be strong, For the will to carry on, For everything you do, For everything you do **

**I turn to you **

**For the arms that are my shelter through the rain, For truth that will never change, For someone to lean on**

**For a heart I can rely on through anything, For the one I can run to**

**For a Shield from the storm, For a friend, For a Love to keep me safe and warm**

**I turn to you**

**For the strength to be strong, For the will to carry on, For everything you do, For everything you do **

**For everything that's true, I turn to you **

**Christina Aguilera- I Turn To You**

**Chapter 16- I Turn To You**

**Bella's POV**

We both laid on the bed completely satisfied and relaxed. Edward grabbed my hand and tried to use it to pull me close to him, at least so that we were facing the same direction, but I resisted.

"Edward, I have a meeting with the lawyer tomorrow morning at ten." My voice sounded distant and scared.

I could feel him move to my side, brushing my hair off of my face. The pain was scorching my eyes and I was tearing up.

"It makes is so final, you know? Just having my name on everything feels wrong. It's his, not mine. I'm not supposed to have any of this. He was too young to die," the words rushed out before my sobs took over.

"Baby, I know it's going to be hard. But Charlie was a proud man and all he ever wanted was to make sure you were taken care of. I'm sure he worried a lot over what would happen to you if something like this did happen. I'm also just as sure that he is as proud as he can be to know that he left you, at least financially, taken care of. Don't be saddened by this, rest assured that he loved you and wanted this for you. I know he would be happy with where you are and how your life has turned out. Charlie was a good man. I miss him." He leaned away to look at me, probably checking to make sure I was okay. I still had unshed tears in my eyes but at least I had stopped sobbing.

"You know I would sneak over and talk to him at the station every so often, when I had problems. He had such an unusual way of looking at things, it was nice to hear what he thought about things. Between him and Carlisle, I had the best advice a guy could ask for." Edward shrugged as I lifted my body away from his.

"Really, you went to Charlie for advice? I never knew that." I was amazed.

"Sure, sometimes just to talk and hang out. I don't know… he was always easy to talk to, he never rushed you or forced you to tell him what was going on. He allowed you to spill it when you were ready; I liked that about him. You do that too, you know? You never push, you wait for the other person to bring it out, then you wait as they talk about it. That's a great trait to get from him, it was my favorite thing about him." He leaned down and kissed my head. I smiled against his chest contemplating his words. I was proud that Edward could find similar traits in both us; like father, like daughter.

"Let's get some sleep, Edward, okay?"

"Sure baby, whatever you want." We pulled the covers up around our naked bodies and I wrapped my arms around Edward.

When the alarm rang on my phone, I knew it was time to wake Edward. Dread filled my body. I felt a hundred years old, unable to move freely. I had spent the last few hours out on the balcony. Before I could leave my seat, I heard Edward wandering through the suite, probably looking for me. I saw him as he stepped through the door of the balcony in a robe that matched mine, though I was also covered in a blanket from the couch. I had been out here a while and I was cold.

The wind had whipped at my hair and it was falling loose from its bun, I could feel the short pieces around my face stinging where they hit my skin. I guess I was a little wind burned as well. I could feel Edward's eyes searching mine as he sat down. I refused to meet his glances, his glances as I was too afraid of what my eyes would reveal to him. The worry, fear, and gut wrenching anguish. I sucked my bottom lip in between my teeth, a sure sign that I was worried. Edward would certainly pick up on it. I saw him shift his weight from one foot to the other, contemplating what to say to help. I attempted to smile at him and reassure him. I'm not sure that it worked, because he moved to the end of the lounge chair and sat down.

"Bella, are you okay?" He asked, his hand rubbing small soothing circles on my thigh.

"I was thinking about what you said last night and about Charlie. I do think he would be proud of me, and I think he would be happy that we're together. I won't enjoy the lawyer visit but I do feel better about it, thanks Edward."

We both dressed as quickly as possible. I was afraid that if I took my time, I would want to pull Edward back in bed and stay there all day. I had an appointment, so we needed to get going. But I was willing to use any excuse to get me back in that bed with Edward. Not out on the streets in Seattle.

Edward was dressed in jeans, t shirt, and a blue button down with some sneakers. I came out of the bathroom with a pair of sexy jeans that fit like a glove and a tight long sleeved white t shirt. You could see the details of my bra and I'm sure I saw the dark skin of my nipple in the bathroom mirror. I knew Edward would freak out over this shirt, so I walked out into the main room just for fun.

"Bella, you look beautiful, but are you wearing something over that?" He was trying hard to not sound like a jerk but I knew that he was feeling like a big old caveman right now. He felt the need to protect his woman, and drape her in as many layers as possible.

"Oh, yeah. I left my sweater on the bathroom counter, will you get it for me while I find my shoes," I asked coyly.

Edward brought my sweater to me and I lifted my arms to slip it on. I expected the fun of goading Edward to last a little longer, but the pain slipped right back into my brain. I sighed as he slipped the sweater down over my hips for me.

"Bella, are you okay? Do you want to talk about anything?"

"No, I'm good. I just need to get this over with and stop making it bigger in my mind than it is. I know this signature doesn't change anything. I have already been taking care of these things for the last few years, but in my mind it is different. Final. Complete. I don't know how to cope with that." I shrugged in admission. The words made sense in my mind, but somehow there was a brick wall between there and my heart. None of the words were getting through and my heart still felt pain.

"Bella, we all have things we struggle with. This is a big thing to cope with. There is no need to be ashamed of the fact that you need help with this. Maybe you could see someone back in Forks, let them help you learn how to cope."

I chuckled at him. "Now you're the poster boy for therapy?"

"Well, it has helped me, so don't laugh!" He picked me up and my feet left the ground, he rushed me to the bed and started to tickle me. I tossed my head back and laughed at his playfulness, anything to get my mind off of the task ahead. I finally yelled 'Uncle' so I could finish getting ready.

We spoke to the concierge before we left and confirmed the directions to the lawyer's office. It was fairly close, so we decided to walk. Edward took my hand and we talked about so many trivial things on the way. On any normal day this would have been a great conversation, but today it was just filler, fluff to keep our minds busy. I tried to prepare myself for how I would react to the visit, but I couldn't form an idea that was helpful.

"Bella, tell me how to help you today. I've been trying for the last twenty minutes to form a plan, and I can't really plan when I don't know what you'll need. I want to be here for you, but you have to let me know what you want."

I stopped walking and turned to look at him.

"Oh, Edward, that's so sweet. I just want you to stay with me. I'll try to remember to ask you for what I need, but if I forget, please, just do what feels right. Okay?" I nodded at him.

We walked the rest of the way in silence. He gave me a small smile as he opened the door for me to enter the office and squeezed my hand in reassurance. I gave my name to the receptionist and took a seat to wait.

Edward sat patiently with me in the waiting area. My mind was still overwhelmed at his offer to help earlier. I could only think of one person that I would want with me to go through this, and it was Edward. I knew that he would know exactly what to do to help, he always did. I remembered the time that Emmett hit me in the face with a football and knocked out my front tooth. The day before school pictures! I cried for hours. Edward came over and brought me an orange Popsicle. He sat with me and we ate popsicles on my front steps until I felt better. The next morning Emmett showed up to school with one front tooth missing, he wouldn't say what happened, but I knew Edward had something to do with it. He was my protector even way back then.

I drifted out of my memory as the door opened and someone called my name.

"Bella?"

I stood to greet him.

"Hi, I'm Bella. This is Edward Masen, my boyfriend. Thanks for seeing me today," I said as I shook his hand. He turned and shook Edward's as well.

"I'm Davis Livingstone. I'm sorry that Daniel couldn't meet with you today, he's out of town. But he called me last night and we only have a few things to do today, so he felt like it would be better for you if we went ahead without him. Is that okay?" I nodded at Davis. He turned to walk away and we followed him down the hall and to his spacious office. It smelled like a library in his office and I loved it right away. The wonderful old scent made me feel at home. He motioned to the two chairs on the opposite side of the desk as his and we sat down.

"Bella, you already know most of the in's and out's of Charlie's estate. Up until your 25th birthday all of the holdings have been held in trust for you. You were sent a check each month for the interest that the estate was garnering. Now that you are over twenty five you are in charge of all of the holdings. I simply need to have you sign several forms releasing us as guardian of the trust and it's yours. Now, first you have Charlie's trust. Between what he saved, his pension, and the settlement amount from the law suit that trust is a little over two million. If you will sign right here, please." He pointed at the space for my signature, and I signed where he indicated.

"This form indicates that you have reviewed the statements and agree that we have not mishandled the funds nor stolen any funds from you, then we'll be done with Charlie's trust, and we can move on." I signed the form, but gave him a look of confusion. I wasn't aware of any other trusts that we needed to handle.

Davis must have noticed my look of confusion because he pulled out more paperwork and began explaining. "Bella, Charlie was over seeing a trust for you from his parents. He had full access to it, but never took any of the interest. He choose to reinvest all of the money it made, so that trust is almost three and a half million dollars. Charlie was a one of a kind, all the years I knew him, never did he mention the money. He never cared how much, he simply signed the forms and asked us to reinvest everything for you. He loved you Bella, his whole goal was to provide for you. Please sign here and then we have a personal matter to discuss." He indicated on the paperwork and I again signed my name.

"I don't understand, I never had any idea that he left that much. He never talked about it, are you sure that you have the right info for Bella Swan, Isabella Swan?" I asked him hesitantly.

"Yes, Bella, I have the right info. I know you have talked with Daniel after your father passed away, but Charlie always came to me. I knew him for over 15 years, he came in to see me for the first time after his parents died. He asked me to help him with the trust for you and we saw each other at least four times per year after that, usually more. I have a cabin on the lake; he would sometimes go up and fish with me. You are well taken care of by your father's careful management of your money. If you are careful that will last you a lifetime, I would encourage you to allow someone you trust to oversee the money and continue to invest it. I can recommend several names for you, if you would like." He smiled gently at me while he flipped through his rolodex.

"No, I don't want any names, if Charlie trusted you then I want your firm to continue to manage it. Can I just simply leave it all and later if I need some come back?" I didn't want to use Charlie's or my grandparent's money for silly stuff. I could buy my own groceries and cars.

"Of course, Bella, if you would like to leave it here, we would be more than happy to help you. I would consider it an honor to help you. I know Charlie would be happy with your decision. He did request that you pay off college or continue in school if you would like. So you let me know what your needs are and I will take care of them. I will have the paperwork drawn up for our new arrangements and mail them to you in Forks. You will need to sign them, have them notarized and send them back to me. It is all really simple. Now, if you don't have any more questions, I have the personal matter to attend to with you." Davis glanced from me to Edward, and I nodded at him to continue. "Bella, like I said I was more than a lawyer for your father, I was his friend. And as his friend he left several things with me that he wanted you to have if something like this should happen to him. If he lived a full long life then I was to discard them. Unfortunately I'm not in the position to do that because he is gone, I have to give these to you. He wrote you some letters Bella, this one is to be first. Several milestones have passed already, but I have left those letters in anyway. I thought you would like to read them even though they no longer applied." Davis handed me a small envelope, Charlie's handwriting neatly spelling out my name on the front. I ripped it open and pulled out the letter. I turned to look at Edward, he had moved his chair closer to me during Mr. Livingstone's speech. Edward offered a small smile as I turned back to the letter.

_Dear Bella, _

_This seems kind of silly as I sit here in the dining room writing this letter. But here goes anyway._

_Years ago, Renee and I were watching a movie on TV and the guy in the movie knew he was dying. He started writing letters to everyone he loved to tell them all the things he wanted them to know after he was gone. Renee thought that was such a sweet, romantic gesture. She went on about it for months. I thought it was a load of crap at the time, but now since you have come back into my life, I think I like the idea of you reading these letters. _

_I hope you are okay with this, I know you are reading this after I'm gone. I hope that my leaving you wasn't hard on you. _

_I'm sorry that I couldn't be there for the important events in your life. Please know that you were the most important thing in my life, always, from the day you were born. _

_There was never a day that went by that I didn't think about you and wish that things had been different between your mother and I. Please don't blame your mom, she did what she had to do. I'm happy that she moved on and found what she was looking for. I do wish that I would have spent more time looking for love. I think I would feel better about leaving you if I left someone else for you to be with. That is my one regret in life is not finding love again. Please promise me that you'll find someone that makes you happy and spend your life with them. I want the fairy tale for you, Bella. I want you to know love every day of your life, promise me you will try to find it. I know you have your friends and I appreciate the Cullens for taking care of you, at least I'm sure they will after I'm gone. _

_Please tell Alice that she is the closest thing to a second daughter that I have and I love her. I want her to know how important she was to me, and how much I appreciate her friendship with you. _

_I have taken care of you financially. It is your money, use it however you want. You have enough money Bella. Go to school, travel, do whatever you want to do. Just enjoy your life. _

_I have several more letters for you. For the important things that I missed, so off and on you will get a letter from me. I love you more than you will ever know. Enjoy your life Bella, live it to the fullest. _

_Love,_

_Dad_

Edward slid me off of my chair and onto his lap. I was sobbing at the tender sweet words that Charlie left for me. It was exactly what I needed. I always felt like he was taken from me so suddenly that we never got to say goodbye. And in his own way he was saying his goodbye to me. He never mentioned the movie title but I will always be thankful for that silly movie that helped encourage him to write me these letters. I was proud of Charlie, not only for the dedication to his thankless job, but also for always putting other before himself. He was the perfect father and I now understood that.

I don't know how long Edward held me while I calmed down, murmured things to me as I allowed my brain to slow down and take the thoughts in at a slower pace. Mr. Livingstone had left us alone somewhere after Edward pulled me onto his lap.

I nodded to Edward and we stood to leave the office.

As we entered the hallway that led us out we were greeted by Mr. Livingstone, again. He took my hand in his and held it while he talked.

"Bella, thank you for staying with us, I feel like this is a continuation of my friendship with Charlie. I'm helping him look after what was most important in his life. I'll be in touch about the trust funds and if you need any help before, financial or otherwise please call me. This card has my home numbers as well on it. I'll call you soon, when we have all of the paperwork in order. Take care, Bella, this was my pleasure." He kissed my hand and turned to walk back towards his office.

I took Edward's hand and we walked out of the office into the bright sunlight. We walked for what seemed like a long time, I was lost in thought so time was lost to me. I was still processing the amount of money that Charlie left me and his beautiful letter. I felt at peace with the afternoon, knowing that Charlie would not want me feeling anything other than happy. I turned to Edward.

"You know the hardest part of today?"

"Tell me, baby."

"Not being able to tell Charlie about you. Seeing his words begging me to find love and happiness, and the whole time I wanted to shout that I had found it. I know he would be happy to know we were together. I'm sure of it."

Edward pulled me to his side and held me close as we walked.

"It'll be hard for me to not be able to ask his permission when it's time to ask you to marry me. You're right he would be proud of us and who we are now. Speaking of who you are now, are you going back to school now that financially that is possible for you?" Edward asked.

"Maybe eventually, but for now, I think I'll work and see how that turns out. I don't think I'm ready for four more years of school just yet. But it's nice to know that I have that option now."

"What will you do with the money?"

"Charlie always complained about the terrible equipment that cops had. They either bought their own or were given only what the budget could afford. So I think I'll talk with Mr. Livingstone about setting up a foundation that helps Police Departments raise the money for the equipment that they need. I think Charlie would like that."

"He would definitely like that, good idea."

I felt at peace, and happy for the visit. It's funny how something looks so dreadful going into it and looks like a blessing in disguise after walking away from it. I was ready to take Charlie's advice and start living my life to the fullest.

Edward took my hand in his and we spent the next several hours visiting some of the touristy places in Seattle.

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**E/N: So, what did you think? Leave me some love and let me know what's up. Did you go and see Remember Me? Did you cry? I did and cried like a baby, love it alot even though it made me cry. Hope you did as well.**


	17. Chapter 17 Only You Can Love Me This Way

**A/N: Thanks to the posse-Lexy, Sonja, BobRob, bbwraven, mommymac0508, and Eternally Addicted! You all are the loves of my life, I appreciate all your help, encouragement and reviews:) To all the new readers- you all are the best, thanks for the reviews, rec's and just for reading! **

**Playlist:Only You Can Love Me This Way-Keith Urban, Now & Forever- Richard Marx, I Run To You- Lady Antebellum, I'm In- Keith Urban**

**Outfits on the profile, head on over and let me know what you think!**

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**I know there's a reason, and I know there's a rhyme**

**We were meant to be together, and that's why**

**We can roll with the punches, we can stroll hand in hand**

**And when I say it's forever, you understand**

**That you're always in my heart, always on my mind**

**And when it all becomes too much, you're never far behind**

**And there's no one that comes close to you**

**Could ever take your place**

'**Cause only you can love me this way**

**I could have turned a different corner, I could have gone another place**

**But I would have never had this feeling that I feel today**

**That you're always in my heart, always on my mind**

**And when it all becomes too much, you're never far behind**

**And there's no one that comes close to you**

**Could ever take your place**

'**Cause only you can love me this way**

**Keith Urban- Only You Can Love Me This Way**

**Chapter 17- Only You Can Love Me This Way**

**Bella POV**

"Edward, can we head back to the hotel now? I think I've seen enough for one day, and I would like to lie down," I asked after walking all over Seattle.

"Sure, baby. I have a surprise for you anyway." He looked nervous, and it scared me to think that Edward could possibly be nervous about this surprise.

"Any hints as to what it is?" I was hoping that he would give a little info but none came from him. He took my hand, kissed the back of my knuckles and shook his head no.

His silly smile stayed in place the whole cab ride back to the hotel and into the elevator up to our room. I was pretty anxious by this time.

"Bella, do you want to take a nap first or a shower first?" Edward asked me.

"That depends." I could give as good as he could.

"Depends on what?"

"On what we are doing next, if we are having sex then the nap first, then a shower, but if we're doing something other than that then maybe a shower then a nap. So, you tell me, Mr. Big Shot. What should I do next?" I smirked at him.

"Well, since you put it like that then you will need the nap first, definitely the nap." The last was whispered against my neck causing goose bumps to break out across my body. His voice always had that effect on me, and the words made it even harder to resist him.

"Okay." One simple little word was all I could form.

"Love, how about we nap, shower and then I will show you the first part to my surprise. Sound good?" His mouth was still traveling up and down my neck and across my collar bones. God, how I loved how he made me feel!

"First part? Edward what have you done?" I squeaked out at him.

He shrugged his shoulders and pulled me closer to him. His hands snaked under the shirt I was wearing and all worries left my mind; sensations took over.

Each time Edward touched me, it felt like our relationship was new. My heart raced, my breath quickened and my body felt more alive with his hands on me. I hoped it felt the same for him, that I caused the same responses for him.

Edward's hands moved slowly up my sides and stayed just far enough from my breasts that I felt like I was going to lose my mind. I needed his hands on me now, to feel his rough skin pull and pinch my nipples. I loved the delicious spark that shot through my body when he lavished attention to the responsive peaks. I tried recreating his touch and they never responded for me, only Edward.

"Please, touch me," I panted. His intense stare was melting away my concern for embarrassment. I could see the desire in his beautiful eyes mirror mine, and I wanted to see him loose control.

His hands slid up to circle my ribcage and his thumbs rested right beside each nipple. The lace and satin of my bra seemed to melt away and I could feel every inch of every finger Edward had on me. His flesh seared itself against mine and ignited the slow build that would take me to the highest levels of heaven and back with him. I arched my chest slightly and he pushed his thumbs back and forth over each nipple, moaning when they hardened for him. I rested my hands on his forearms, pulling him as close as possible but yet not so close that he had to break the contact with my chest. My eyes had drifted closed long ago, but I could still feel Edward's gaze on me, watching what his touch did to me. Normally, this kind of scrutiny from someone would make me feel very self-conscious, but from Edward it made me feel beautiful and brazen. I forced my eyes to open and meet his gaze.

I pulled my shirt over my head and reached up to open the front closure of my bra. Edward's eyes rolled slightly upward when he realized what I was doing. He quickly pushed my hands down and opened the bra himself. Edward placed small kisses on the swell of each breast before he allowed the bra to fall out of the way. I took the time to slide my hands inside of his shirt so I could touch his skin as well. I needed to feel the sensation of my skin on his, to allow me to focus. Without his skin to occupy my mind, I was afraid that I would give in to the sensations and burst into flames. He grounded me and kept me focused on giving him pleasure. I stepped back away from his hands, which remained cupped in the form of my breasts, as he looked down at me with questioning eyes. I pulled his shirt up and he tugged it over his head, discarding it on top of mine.

Edward reached for my hands and placed them on his hips, his hands hung limp at his side. He was allowing me my turn to touch him and bring him pleasure. The desire hung in the air between us and charged the room with electricity. This was the single most erotic thing I had ever done, standing in front of Edward allowing my hands to roam his body. I made a point to touch every single inch of skin, either with my hands or mouth, watching him come undone as I did this to him. His eyes were closed and hands clenching open and closed, the only signs of his struggle to maintain control of his body.

A small moan escaped his lips and he reached for my waist, lifting me up and carrying me the few steps to the bed. When he lowered me, I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him down with me. His feet were still on the floor, but the rest of his body leaned against me. His core against mine, our heat merging, I could feel his erection throbbing against me. I arched my back trying to create pressure against both of our bodies. Edward stepped back a small amount, just enough to give him access to the button of my pants. His hands slowly worked the button free and slid the zipper down. I dropped my legs as he slid his thumbs under the jeans and secured my underwear, so he could pull my pants off. Our eyes, once again, locking and sharing our emotions, we shared it this way. The desire building in me to levels that were unsafe for humans, I sat up and pulled Edward back to me. I kissed his stomach as I made short work of his pants and boxers.

I laid back after we were both completely undressed and rested my feet on the edge of the bed on each side of Edward's thighs. My hands came to rest on the bed above my head. I was his and I was offering my body to him, to take as he saw fit. I no longer wanted control. In fact, the thought of Edward dominating my body was fanning the fires already burning in me. I didn't have to wait long, he slid me closer to the edge of the bed and bent his knees. His hands came up to intertwine with mine above my head, as he aligned his body with mine. Slowly, ever so slowly he slid fully into me and paused. This was making love, this was pouring our souls out for each other to see. To inspect and accept, never had anyone made me feel this feeling. I wanted to cry, shout and beg for more all in the same breath. My body conflicted as to which one it wanted first. Begging won out as I panted for Edward.

"Please, baby. Just please." I wasn't sure what I was begging for, my mind was as equally unsure of what it wanted.

Edward moved in me slowly, his eyes still locked with mine. Only a few strokes in I felt the tension burst through my body and carry me to the brink. I didn't want to give in, that would mean that this would end. I didn't want that. I closed my eyes and tried to push down the sensations.

"Baby, don't- just let it go," he encouraged me. His hands tightened around mine and I let go. Edward tilted his hips as he pushed in again and sparks flew through my body. I arched upwards and panted through my release. No words only sounds, escaped my lips. Edward watched every movement, still slowly pushing into my body and just as slowly pulling back out. Just as my body settled back into normal function again, Edward lifted me and settled me farther up on the bed. He immediately slid back into me and I cradled his body as close as I could to mine. If I could open up my chest and pull him in I would. His head tucked into my neck and his hands under my back holding me just as close to him. I could hear him murmur to me as we made love, both actions holding as much meaning as the other.

"Baby, God. I love you so much. Please baby, don't ever leave me. I need you, only you can love me this way. I'm sure of it. Bella, I promise one day I will give you the world. I love you more than words can express." His words drifted off and were replaced by kisses to my neck as he lost control. His orgasm wasn't a forceful, loud explosion, but I could tell that his affected him as much as mine affected me. I knew that I could trust Edward with my heart and allow him to take care of me, forever.

Edward's body shifted beside me and pulled me from the peaceful sleep that I was in. He nuzzled up closer and whispered to me, "Bella, you ready for the shower? We need to get moving soon or we'll be late."

"Where are we going?" I rubbed my eyes and tried to force them open. Sleeping beside Edward was pure bliss and I'm sure I could continue for another twenty four hours without any problems.

"Dinner and we have eight o'clock reservations, so get a move on. Do you want to shower with or without me?" He asked innocently. Gah, how could I ever say without?

"With, always with." I turned to kiss his lips.

"Bella. We really need to go and if you kiss me again, we won't be leaving." He raised his body and brushed across me as he headed to the shower. If he thought that we would only be showering after that stunt he was wrong. His body set mine afire and I needed him as much as ever. I charged off into the bathroom after him.

I found him leaning into the shower adjusting the water temperature. I ran my hands up his back and kissed his shoulder blades.

"You're right we need to shower and get going. I'm really hungry now. Maybe I should shave my legs." I leaned down as he turned around and pushed my naked ass further into the air. I had shaved and waxed before I left but Edward didn't need to know that.

"Bella." He growled at me and pulled me against his erection, now harder than ever.

I turned to look at him over my shoulder and batted my lashes at him, "What? I'm trying to see if I need to shave my legs." I opened my eyes real wide and tried to look innocent.

"You know good and damn well that I can't watch you do that without wanting you again, so get in the shower and let's get going." He smacked my ass as I walked by him, pouting. Internally, I was doing a little happy dance at the thought of Edward having a hard time controlling himself .

I climbed into the shower and tried to concentrate on getting clean, but with Edward there behind me my mind wandered to the things he could do to me and how great it would feel. I arched my back as I scrubbed my head with shampoo and gently brushed against him. He grabbed my hips and pulled me into him. I let a small moan escape my lips.

Edward spun me against the far wall of the shower, out of the spray's reach. He pushed my hands over my head, flat against the tiles and lightly bit me on the neck. He took his feet and nudged against my ankles, so I widened my stance in preparation for what he had in mind. Edward dipped his knees slightly and plunged into me in one push. I was consumed by him and loved every second of it. He splayed his hands against the tile beside mine and I love to see them there together, both gripping the tile in ecstasy. Somehow no matter how we were together, hot fast fucking or slow gentle love making, I felt cherished by Edward. The waves of sensations crashed over me as I pondered the true feelings behind Edward's actions, and how he always knew which way I wanted him.

"Bella." His voice was husky and thick with emotions, as he whispered this one word. His lips were so close to my ear, but yet, not touching it at all. I threw my head back against his chest and allowed my orgasm to take over my body and pull me along the wonderful path it had laid out for me. Edward wrapped his arms around my chest and held me close to him, while he continued slowly thrush in and out of my body, prolonging my orgasm.

"Fuck." I whispered when my body finally touched back down on earth again.

"I love you, Bella."

I leaned my head against the now cool tiles of the shower and let the sob escape from my body. Edward pulled me closer and held me while I cried. Once again I was purging myself from the emotions that were inside of me, the thrill of newfound love, reliving the heartbreaking loss, holding on to discovered joy, and acknowledging the fear. I was thrilled with the new found love, but paralyzed by the fear that if this didn't work out, I was not going to walk away a whole person. Edward's love struck me too deep for me to passively make it through the aftermath. I wanted this to be real but was too afraid to open up completely and feel the joy that he brought into my life. Charlie's loss affected me in a profound way but at least I didn't have to deal with the emotions of rejections accompanying his leaving. He left without choice, but if Edward left it would be by his choice and I couldn't handle the pain of his rejection. I guess the deep-seated fear of never quite being good enough was always going to be there.

"Baby, do you want to talk about it?" Edward murmured against my back, his forehead pressed against my spine, his arms still holding me around my chest. He was holding me together, even though he had no idea that he was. The one person that could heal me was also the one person that could break me forever.

"I think the emotions of the day have caught up to me, I'm sorry, I'm sure we're late by now." I tried to turn to face him.

"Bella, you are more important than any dinner reservations. Don't ever worry about that. Are you okay now?" He tilted my face to look at me. I nodded at him.

"I guess dealing with Charlie's loss, his letters and now your love…it touched me deeply, that's all." I smiled sheepishly.

"It's a lot to take in, don't apologize. I'll go and call the restaurant and push our reservation time back. You dry off and meet me in the bedroom, okay?"

I nodded.

I met him in the bedroom wrapped in a towel. I had already dried my hair and just left it to hang loose down my back. I applied some light makeup. I knew that with my precarious emotional state the less makeup I wore, the less make up I would have to worry about running down my face if I should burst into tears.

Edward sat on the bed already dressed, and he was the picture of perfection. He was wearing a white dress shirt with a navy tie, brown wool pants and had a navy blazer lying across the back of the chair. I smiled at him as he patted the bed beside him.

"Bella, did you like the surprise I sent you last week?" Edward asked as he took my hand in his.

"It was beautiful Edward, I wish that I had reminded Alice to pack it for me. It would have been nice to wear it to dinner with you. I'm sorry that I didn't think of it."

"Well, I'm sorry as well. I'm sure that green would have been stunning against your skin. But there is no need to worry, I have another surprise for you. No fussing just open it and go and get dressed. We don't want to be late two times in a single night, do we?" He smirked as I frowned at him.

"Edward, another gift? You shouldn't have. I didn't get you anything." I felt bad for not thinking of him and showing my appreciation for him.

"Bella, I saw this and wanted to see you wearing it. Now, open it up." His eyes held this joy and wonder, like a small child on Christmas. I realized that he had fun buying the gift and the anticipation of watching my face as I open it, was evident on his face. I would try to remember to be a little more gracious when he presented me with gifts from now on.

So I opened the gift, slowly, ever so slowly. I wanted him to enjoy every minute of the anticipation. When I unwrapped the tissue paper I noticed several small gift wrapped boxes, four to be exact. I opened each box and discovered that they held earrings, a ring, a bracelet and a necklace. They were a perfectly matched set. The set was rubies and diamonds. They were exquisite- all made of bright glowing red rubies, and they looked amazing in the platinum settings. I bounced over to where he sat and threw my arms around his neck.

"Edward, they are beautiful. Thank you, I love them." I was breathless with excitement and joy.

"There's more, keep unwrapping." He encouraged.

I removed the tissue paper that held the four small boxes and found a pair of red satin shoes with black lace edging and a small bow. This layer also held a red set of lacy lingerie. I looked at Edward and quirked an eyebrow at him. He just smiled and shrugged at me. I could see a hint of a blush tinting his face.

"One more layer, and that's it, I promise." Edward sheepishly admitted.

Once again I removed the tissue paper and found bright red staring back at me. This time it was the red satin of a beautiful cocktail dress. It was strapless and knee length. The fabric was bunched on the skirt, while the bodice was form fitting. It had a black ribbon at the waist that tied and draped down the front of the skirt. I was stunned. Edward had picked out a flawless outfit for me, exactly what I would have picked for myself. I turned to him. His face was still frozen in an unreadable expression.

"If you don't like it you don't have to wear it, I just thought that the color would look amazing next to your skin and hair. I guess I should have called to see if you like red. I'm sor…" I cut him off.

"Edward, this is more than alright, it's breathtaking. I couldn't have picked out better if I had done it myself. I can't believe all of this. Thank you doesn't seem like enough, I love it." I launched myself at him again and threw my arms around his neck. I kissed him, and realized that I was crushing the dress between us. I pulled away and removed the dress.

"You like it, really?" His eyes grew wide.

"Of course I do. You gave it to me, but besides that it's beautiful. Now, I had better go and put it on. Wait here for me." He nodded at me.

I gathered all of the clothes and shoes and left for the bathroom. I unhooked the straps off the red bra and put it on, followed by the red panties. They had a large bow on the back that covered my ass. Edward would really like the way they hugged to every curve I had. I couldn't wait for him to undress me tonight, he would really enjoy my gift then. I unzipped the dress and stepped in. When I pulled it up onto my body it fit like it was tailor made for me. I reached under my arm and slid the zipper up in place. After seeing the dress and knowing about all of the jewelry, I decided that I would need to pull some of my hair back off of my shoulders to show it off. Searching through my bag I found the clip that I wanted and pulled the top and sides of my hair back, making room for the earrings and necklace to show now. I quickly stepped into the shoes and pulled the bathroom door open.

"Oh Bella, you are breathtaking." Edward was waiting at the door for me and pulled me into his arms. He leaned in and placed a small kiss on the side of my neck. He gently pushed my shoulders and I turned around for him. He fastened the necklace in place and slid the earrings into my earlobes. I turned back to face him and held up my right wrist for him to place the bracelet on. He kissed my wrist and down to the back of my hand. He gently lifted the ring finger on my right hand and placed the ruby ring there. His simple action caused me to catch my breath. I couldn't wait until he was sliding an engagement ring on my left hand and asking me to be his wife. Before I could analyze my thoughts, Edward pulled me back into his arms and kissed me. I was so light headed from the kiss and his dazzling face.

"Breathe Bella, just breathe." He whispered and I let out a deep breath that I didn't know I was holding in. Edward just chuckled and turned towards the door of the suite.

Edward pulled on his blazer and grabbed my black trench coat for me. He helped me slide it on and I grabbed my purse.

We hailed a cab and sat in silence during the ride to dinner. Edward held my hand and played with my fingers, I just was content with the silence, still overwhelmed at the engagement ring fantasy. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, in fact just the opposite. I cherished that Edward didn't feel like we needed to constantly chat to feel connected. Just one look in his eyes and I felt the connection, no need for words.

I was lost in Edward's hand playing with mine and didn't notice that we had pulled up to the Space Needle. Edward climbed out and held out his hand for me. He leaned back in to pay and closed the door as the driver called out, "Enjoy your dinner, it's a wonderful menu." Realization washed over me, Edward had reserved us a table at Sky City, the restaurant at the top of the Space Needle. It constantly revolved while you were eating so your view was ever changing.

We were seated right away. Edward ordered wine and dungeness crab and artichoke dip for our appetizer. Our silence in the cab was long gone and we talked about everything that happened over the last two weeks that Edward had been gone. We each took turns telling how our time was. Edward wanted to know all about my job and how his family was doing. I told him how well they were each taking care of me, and about Carlisle's new routine of coming by to sit in the chairs out back with me to talk. I love the special talks that we shared, and the time he took for me. Soon, our appetizer was gone and dinner was being set in front of us. I ordered the grilled Klamath River king salmon, and Edward ordered New York strip steak. We took turns sharing bites with each other. Dinner was amazing, and the view was spectacular. I was really enjoying my evening with Edward. Not often do I enjoy spending Edward's money, but tonight was one of the few times I was thankful that Edward was willing to treat me special.

We were so full from our wonderful dinner, but Edward insisted that we stop around the corner for some dessert. He'd found a local bar that specialized in dessert and drinks. So we went in and ordered. We shared a chocolate mousse and I had a chocolate martini. Edward had rum and coke. He held me close in the booth and we laughed at everything. It truly was a night that seemed magical, all of our problems melted away and we were just together. No worries, no stress, just us. Our fun continued in the cab back to the hotel.

We undressed quickly and Edward wanted a full fashion show of the red lingerie he had bought for me. So I modeled for him before changing into my pajamas. We decided that tonight was a sleep night, no more sex for us, for today anyway. I think three times was enough of an Edward fix for me. Besides we had a busy day tomorrow as well.

I snuggled as close to Edward as I could and listened to the music that filled the suite. He plugged his iPod into the speakers and chose his classical playlist. We fell asleep holding each other.

The next morning we dressed and left the hotel without breakfast. I wanted to get to Pike Place Market and buy some things to take home. We could have coffee and pastries there. I was like a kid in a candy store and Edward patiently pulled the cooler that I brought with me to fill with goodies. I reluctantly left the market when my cooler and carry bag were both filled to the rim. I wasn't able to stuff even one more grape in. So we headed back to the hotel to drop off all my spoils. Edward was very tightlipped about our next destination. I felt like we had seen all Seattle had to offer and we should just stay in the hotel. I was feeling the effects of not making love with Edward this morning, and wanted some alone time with him. He just shook his head at my pouty face and pulled me along to the hotel.

He took the cooler into the room and called for room service to bring us some ice to keep the stuff fresh and asked me to check the closet for him. He needed the shirt that was hanging on the right side. I grumbled the whole way to the closet about men being senile and there was no need for Edward to change clothes. His shirt was just fine, but then again Alice was his sister, she had evidently rubbed off on him. I heard him hang up the phone and start to follow me to the closet, which is why he ran into my back when I stopped short. There hanging in the closet was two Seattle Mariners jerseys. I was speechless; he remembered my plea to try to fit in a game. I was touched that he would remember and honor my request to try to feel close to my Dad again, even if only for a few hours. Tears began to drift down my face at his gesture.

"I know that Charlie would be so pissed off if we came all this way and didn't see a game. I got us pretty good seats. We still have about two hours, but if you get there early they will sometime sign autographs during batting practice. You might want to bring a jacket." Edward slid his jersey on over his t shirt and buttoned it up. I did the same and grabbed my jacket off of the hanger as we walked out of the closet. I was super excited about this game. A moment of regret came over me that perhaps my enthusiasm was a few years too late. Edward must have noticed the change in me because he pulled me over to the chair and sat me on his lap.

"Bella, don't. We never know how long we have here and you had no way of knowing that he would be gone so quickly. You lived your life and he lived his. He had plenty of chances to spend time with you and he didn't. You can't go back and change anything. I'm sure it was enough for him that you lived with him for so long. Don't ruin the fun by worrying about regret, okay?" He smoothed his thumb up and down my cheeks. His little speech worked and I pushed the guilt away and allowed the joy to move back in.

"You're right, let's go." I jumped up and pulled him towards the door.

We entered Safeco Field, and wandered around looking at the art on display. It was all done by local artist and had a baseball theme to it. We walked down to our seats; we were behind the Mariners dug out and only about four rows back. I was scared to ask Edward what this weekend cost him. I didn't really want to know, and the more I thought about it the money didn't matter. The fun mattered and we had lots of fun. So, I guess we both are okay with the money part.

Edward and I walked back to buy a baseball that we could get autographed. We bought three, one for me, one for Jasper and one for Emmett. We waited our turns by the railing and got most of the starting lineup to sign the three balls we had. I was thrilled, Edward was not so much. One of the rookies was flirting with me. Edward was close to punching the guy when they all headed back into the dugout for whatever they do before a game. We ordered two beers and some pretzels to eat while we waited for the game to start. I bought a big old foam finger, after all what is a baseball game without a foam finger?

Finally, after a few charity donations, a few awards handed out and the national anthem the game was underway. They were playing the LA Angels, Charlie would have a fit! Not only am I at a game, but a game between the Mariners and Angels, their biggest rivals. We watched the game intently as Edward patiently explained all of the things that Charlie assumed that I knew about the game. So often I would lose interest in the games we watched at home because I couldn't keep up with what was happening, but with Edward he made sure I knew what was going down and why. I was actually into the game, now that I understood most of the in's and out's of it. We were up by two runs at the bottom of the eighth inning, the Mariners only had to hold off the Angels from scoring and we would win. Edward, again, explained how if we were ahead after the Angels batted we wouldn't even have to bat in the last inning, there was no need. So I jumped around in my seat and clapped with each out the Mariner's got, hoping that we would get all three so we would win. The third batter up, some guy named Raphael Furcal got a home run. But no one else was on base so it was only one run scored. We were still ahead by one point. I stood to my feet when the next batter came up to the plate. Edward and I cheered with the rest of the crowd hoping the noise would distract the batter. It worked, he swung at what Edward called a down and inside pitch. We won five to four. Fireworks went off and the music began playing. We stayed until the fun died down and we walked back out to catch a cab back to the hotel. I was so tired, the fun of today was catching up to me. I drifted off to sleep on Edward's shoulder in the cab. He shook me gently to let me know we were at the hotel. I half walked, half stumbled up to our room. I undressed and just climbed into bed naked. I didn't want to take the time to even put on my pajamas. Edward didn't mind this at all.

"I'm sorry, I wanted to be wide awake and ready to thank you for this perfect day we had. But I guess that'll have to wait until tomorrow morning, okay?" I mumbled into his chest. I could feel the shaking under my face as he laughed at me.

"Bella, we have plenty of time for that later. I'm just thankful that you are here with me, no matter what we do or don't do. Sleep love, we'll have time in the morning. I promise." He kissed my head and I drifted off to sleep.

When I woke up Edward wasn't in the bed with me. When I sat up I did notice a small note that I had pushed off of the pillow beside me.

**Bella,**

**I will be right back, I need to run out to buy something for us and then we can spend the morning in bed together. Order room service for us when you wake up.**

**Love, Edward**

I pulled my robe on and picked up the phone to order some breakfast, as Edward walked back into the suite.

"Bella, you awake?" He asked.

"In here, I just got up and was about to order us something. Sorry I slept so late." I said as a yawn escaped my mouth.

"Don't worry, I ordered before I came back up, it's on the way up. Besides, you have perfect timing; I just finished running my errand. I hope you like it." He held out a really small gift bag out to me and I was puzzled as to what he was up to.

I reached out to take the gift bag, as Edward settled down on the bed beside me. I reached in and found plenty of tissue paper but no gift. I cocked an eyebrow up at him.

"It's in there, I promise. It's small, just the way I wanted it." His devious smile hinted that things were going to be so much worse than I originally thought that they would be.

Just as I slid my hand back into the bag, a knock on the door interrupted us. Edward held up one long, beautiful finger. "Hold on, I want to see the look on your face, but that is breakfast." He dashed to the door and let the wonderful smelling food in. He came back to the bed and pulled me to the table. I sat and held my bag in my lap, while Edward settled himself beside me. I pulled the tissue out of the bag this time and was rewarded with a small sliver of dark blue fabric. I pulled the tissue away and found more blue fabric, but not much more. It was a bikini. I turned to Edward.

"What's this for?" I asked, confused.

"We're going to the beach." He responded just as simply.

"Okay, why didn't you just ask me, or rather Alice, to pack a bikini for the beach?"

He shrugged one shoulder at me. "I didn't really have this weekend planned past what we have already done. I would love to spend the day in bed, but I figured that we should probably get out of here. Otherwise one of us is not going to walk away from here without injuries. So for our safety sake, I decided that we should go to the beach. Besides, I really just wanted to see you in a bikini again." He added sheepishly. Once again, how could I say no. Besides Edward did have a great point, if we were at the beach he would also be in his trunks. Leaving his glorious body available for me to look at and touch whenever I wanted. Okay, the beach it is.

We ate quickly and packed a bag for us with our necessities. Arriving at Alki Beach in less than an hour after Edward walked into our hotel suite. It was a beautiful day, clear and sunny. No sign of the ever present rain clouds for Seattle that in itself was a small miracle. We played on the beach, built sand castles and splashed water on each other. The water was still a little cold for outright swimming, so we decided to do some more sightseeing. We stopped a lifeguard and asked for suggestions.

Taking the lifeguards suggestions we walked over to Alki Point Lighthouse first, it was the closest. It was built in 1913 and was still maintained by the Coast Guard. Edward was very interested in the old instruments, charts, and photographs of Puget Sound. He explained how Carlisle taught Jasper, Emmett and himself how to sail years ago. He promised to take me out on the boat that Carlisle and Esme kept as soon as we could make the time. We walked a few blocks and entered The Log House Museum. It was ran by the West Seattle Historical Society, so it was able to provide a detailed historical account of the Denny party that landed here in 1851 and the Duwamish people. They were the original settlers here and were displaced by the Denny party. We stopped for lunch in the park and listened to several local musicians play for change. It was hard to imagine a better day with Edward. The pain and sorrow of the previous day was gone. Today was about spending time together, neither of us brought up the fact that I was leaving this evening so I could be home for work tomorrow morning. I pushed the thought away. I didn't have time to spend on worry when Edward was still wearing his board shorts and a tank top. I would worry about leaving when it was time to leave.

However, all too soon the time came to worry. We walked back to the hotel and we both packed in silence. Each of us was coming to the realization that this was going to hurt so much more than our last goodbye. Edward called the bellboy and had him take our luggage down for us, we stopped and checked out of the room. The valet brought my car around, and Edward helped me load my luggage in the trunk. He pulled me into his embrace and brought his head down level with mine.

"Baby, we can do this, just two weeks and I'll be home. I can't thank you enough for coming to see me. I needed to be with you so much, I can't even tell you how much. Don't say the words, okay. Just get in and drive off. I'll call you later." I nodded as he spoke to me. Tears forming at the corners of my eyes and I blinked to dispel them. I didn't want to make this hard for him. I could cry on the way home, but not now. I pulled away and turned towards the car. Edward pulled my wrist back and crushed his face to mine. I felt the love and anguish in his kiss. It was a true paradox of emotions for both of us.

"I love you, more than you will ever know," I whispered against his mouth. He chuckled and pulled away.

"I love you, too. Be careful. I'll call you when I get back to 's house and we can talk while you drive. Okay?"

I nodded again, not certain I could speak without my voice betraying me. He kissed my cheek as he guided me into the car. He closed the door for me and I slid the car into first gear. I kissed my hand and put it against the window. He mirrored my gesture and placed his hand against mine on the outside of the glass. He nodded and I drove off.

The Seattle traffic kept my mind busy for about a half an hour, but then I reached the interstate. The calm, serene, uninterrupted drive on the interstate was my undoing. I blinked several times trying to stop the tears, but it did no good. They fell uninhibited down my cheeks, my pain flowing freely.

I saw my phone flash, signaling a call. I prayed as I grabbed it from the console of the car. Pleading for it to be Edward.

"Hello," I choked out through my tears.

"Baby, I thought we agreed no tears," he cooed at me, his voice washing over me like a much needed sedative.

"I know, I held it in as long as I could. I'm so glad you called. Can we talk all the way home?" I wasn't above begging him.

"Anything for you, love."

* * *

Let me know if you all are reading any good fics this week this week. Here is my newest obsession- Anywhere but Here by Sparkling Twilight. I love this one and read it in about 24 hours. I pulled an all nighter to get this one done, it was that good:) Hope you enjoy it!


	18. Chapter 18 Come Home

A/N: Thanks for still reading, I appreciate you all! To any new readers from The Fictionators teasers please let me know who you are I would like to say thank you personally! To the usual posse:Sonja, Lexy, BobRob, bbwraven, mommymac0508, Hope 4 More, and Eternally Addicted. To my new home girl Blackie- I enjoyed chatting with you and you had some great points. Don't be a stranger, let me know what you think, it is always okay:)

Disclaimer:Some profiles have this awesome disclaimer, not mine:( I just simply say it all belongs to other people, I just play with them for a while and let them go home at the end of the day. I don't make any money from them, trust me.

The outfits and such are on the profile, so go see them.

Playlist:Come Home- OneRepublic & Sarah Bareilles, My Girl- Temptations, Brown Eyed Girl- Van Morrison, Realize- Colbie Caillat, At Last/Sleep All Day- Jason Mraz, Never Gonna Be Alone- Nickelback

* * *

Hello world, Hope you're listening, Forgive me if I'm wrong, For speaking out of turn

But there's someone I've been missing and I think that they could be the better half of me

They're in their own place trying to make it right, But I'm tired of justifying

So I say to you come home, Come home

Cause I've been waiting for you for so long, For so long

Right now there's a war between the vanities but all I see is you and me

And to fight for you is all I've ever known, So come home

I get lost in the beauty of everything I see, The world ain't half as bad as they paint it to be

If all the sons, All the daughters, Would stop to take it in, Well then hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin

It might start now, maybe I'm just dreaming out loud

Well until then Come home, Come home

Cause I've been waiting for you for so long, so long

Right now there's a war between the vanities but all I see is you and me

And to fight for you is all I've ever known, I've ever know, So come home

Everything I can't be is everything you should be, And that's why I need you here

Everything I can't be is everything you should be, And that's why I need you here

So here this now, Come home, Come home

Cause I've been waiting for you for so long, so long

Right now there's a war between the vanities but all I see is you and me

And to fight for you is all I've ever known, Ever known, So come home

Come home, Come home, I've been waiting for you, Come home

OneRepublic & Sarah Bareilles- Come Home

**Chapter 18- Come Home**

**Edward's POV- **

A week passed since Bella returned to Forks. If I thought the first goodbye had been hard, it paled in comparison to this one. My chest hurt, my throat burned, and it felt like my heart would stop right there. I choked back my tears, trying to stay strong for Bella. The emotional weekend was the best of my life. I knew without a doubt that I was in L-O-V-E with Bella. No more of this playing around, infatuation crap, real love. I had never been more certain of anything before as I was now about my feelings for Bella. To feel her body next to mine every night for the past few nights was pure heaven. As much as it broke my heart to see her suffer through the visit to the lawyer's office, I was glad to be able to be there for her. She was so patient and caring when I talked to her about Tanya and it made me feel good to be able to return the favor. I felt like we were on an even playing field; partners, equals. I was more than anxious to finish up here and get back to Forks to be with Bella.

I wanted to get downstairs and really delve into what was going on and get myself ready for this relationship. I just had to wait on Dr. Ward. When he arrived home last night, he came up to see me and we agreed to talk this afternoon. I was no longer nervous, I was ready!

"Edward, how was your weekend?" he asked.

"Enlightening, how was your conference?" I returned.

He chuckled, "Sometimes you hear the craziest stuff at these conferences. You know, doctors trying to 'out crazy' each other. No big deal, nothing new to learn, unfortunately, but thank you for asking. So Edward, tell me more about your weekend." He laid his pen down and rested his hands in his lap.

"I think I came to a huge realization this weekend. First, Bella had to go and see her lawyer about her dad's estate. That was hard for her and I was able to take care of her afterwards, it satisfied my soul to help her. I felt like it put a piece of me back into place, a piece that was missing, somehow I feel more whole then I did before. Does that sound crazy?" I glanced up at him trying to read his stoic face for clues.

"Why would that sound crazy? You are beginning to heal and as you do more of the pieces that have been missing will fall back into place, and as they do you will feel whole again. Now with that being said, I am proud of you for realizing that without me. I never doubted that you were put here to take care of people. You are studying to be a doctor for crying out loud, it is in your nature to take care of people. However, I will be honest, Edward, that this is the part of your recovery that has worried me the most. I wasn't ever sure that you would have enough faith in yourself again to be a doctor. Deep down inside you were so afraid that you couldn't do it, and I think it caused you to shut down that part of yourself. This weekend with Bella established and reinforced to you that you indeed could make rational decisions about a person's well being. How did Bella handle you taking care of her?" He took his glasses off and laid them down on the desk.

"She seemed to be fine with it. We talked a lot about her dad and we went to see a baseball game together." He raised his eyebrows at me as if he didn't understand why we would do that, so I elaborated for him. "Bella's dad was a big Mariners fan. She wasn't, and quite honestly she didn't understand the game all that much. She said that when she was in Seattle she would like to see a game, she felt that her dad would like it if she went. It would be a way to honor his memory that he would be proud of. So, we went to the game and she had a great time. Afterwards, we talked about the fact that we were now dating and her father wasn't here to tell. She was sad about that, but not overly so and we both are very confident that her dad would approve of us being together I think she handled it well. The lawyer gave her some letters that her dad wrote for her. That was the hardest part for her. Reading them she had to deal with his words as well as feeling as though she was experiencing his loss again. I was just glad I could help her through that and be there to give her my support and love.

"Do you think this weekend changed you or your relationship?" Dr. Ward asked leaning forward in his chair. His face was still a mask, unable to be read.

"I do, I think it made a difference in both. Like I said, I feel rejuvenated by this weekend and I think we saw that we could be equals. Each of us was capable of shouldering the responsibility when it was our turn; isn't that what a relationship is? Each person is taking care of their share of the responsibilities in order to make their lives better?" I wanted to know his feelings on what I felt to be a large part of being together.

"Yes, Edward, that is basically the gist of it. In a more complicated way, but still correct none the less." I sat back satisfied with myself about getting this right.

"Let's talk about how this weekend made you feel about your relationship with Tanya." He pressed his fingers together in a steeple of sorts and glanced up at me.

"That's funny, I thought about her on the way back to the hotel after the lawyer's visit. At first, I felt guilty for thinking of her at all, but then I realized that I was comparing how right my relationship with Bella feels compared to how I felt with Tanya. Never in the entire time I was with Tanya did I feel that with her. I think says a lot about what we had. I always felt like I was a circus dog doing tricks for her, I never felt like she accepted me, flaws and all. She wanted us to be the picture of perfection at all times, no human moments." Realization and embarrassment struck me as I said these words. I glanced up at Dr. Ward as I said, "She didn't really love me, she loved what I could give her, the status and comforts. Shit! All this fucking time I have felt guilty for not being able to make her whole again and she didn't even fucking love me." I dropped my head into my hands. I felt so broken and was at my lowest and she didn't even love me. She loved my name and bank account. I was just another possession to her. I sat silent for a few minutes.

"Edward, this may be a bit awkward for you but I have to ask, is it possible that you didn't love her either?" Dr. Ward asked gently.

"I guess so, I don't know. Heck, who the hell knows now."

"You two dated in high school, right?" he continued.

"Yes."

"Tell me about you two in high school; were you popular, well liked, so on."

"We were. I played football and she was a cheerleader, which in high school meant everything. Both of our families had money so that made it even easier to be at the top of the social ladder. You know cool cars, new clothes, all the latest gadgets. Tanya loved that she was popular, I was okay with it. Let's be honest, high school is a lot easier when you're popular than when you're not."

"I'm going to switch directions here, tell me about your parent's marriage and Carlisle and Esme's marriage. I want to know how you viewed their marriages." I sighed.

"My parents had a great marriage, they seemed to be deeply in love. My mom and dad were always doing things for each other and showing affection. My dad would tell me 'find the right girl and take care of her for the rest of your life', I was trying to do that for Tanya. Take care of her and make her feel loved. Carlisle and Esme's marriage is great. Esme seems to always know exactly what Carlisle needs and gives it to him before he can even ask. It's crazy sometimes the ways they are in sync with each other. It's the kind of marriage I hope to have someday." I leaned forward and placed my forearms on my knees, sighing.

"What about Tanya's parent's marriage, what was that like?" I knew he was going to have a field day with this bit of info and possibly solve the whole thing right here. I sat up straight again, trying to mask my nerves.

"Terrible, her dad was cheating on her mom and it affected the whole family. Her mom suffered with depression and stayed in bed for weeks at a time. That is part of the reason she came out to Dartmouth to find me, she couldn't take it anymore at home. She was a wreck when she showed up."

"What did you do for her?" he prompted.

"I took care of her. I feed her, let her get some rest and then we decided that she would stay with me. What else could I do for her, she needed me?" I realized that nowhere in that statement was there any mention of love towards Tanya, only the need for me to make her better. "Shit! I wasn't happy that she was there or overcome with the fact that my love had come back to me, I just went into taking care of her mode. I wanted to heal her! I was playing doctor with her, so to speak. She became like a patient to me." I launched myself out of my chair and started pacing his office.

"How does that make you feel to realize this?"

"Actually, fucking relieved. I was so worried that I wasn't able to fix her that I never realized that I didn't love her. I was so afraid I was incapable of a real relationship since I couldn't make ours work, that I didn't even see that the reason it didn't work was because I didn't have a real relationship with her. She was using me and I was letting her. Fuck, all this fucking guilt for nothing!" My pace increased as the anger rose up from me.

"Edward, my next question is a difficult one, but one I must ask. Is it possible that you both used each other?" I stopped in my tracks.

"What?" Stunned beyond belief, as the words came out of my mouth.

"She completed the high school version of you. She was pretty, smart, and on the surface she appeared to have it all. You took care of her, pampered her. She wasn't getting that at home with her parents having issues and she stayed with what made her happy. When she came out to Dartmouth, she was seeking your comfort and you were used to providing that for her. You have a need to heal and take care of people; it's what soothes your soul. In a way you felt like that was the basis for a relationship, and it can be, but there is more that needs to be there. So, in a way each of you were using the other." His words washing over me, I could feel them soaking into my skin. Relief accompanied them, soothing any pain that they caused.

"So, what you're saying is that we never loved each other, we only gravitated towards the person that made us feel normal?" I asked, waiting for his answer and hoping it was a positive one.

"Edward, I can't say that you didn't love each other. Only you two can say that for sure, but it does sound to me like it was a relationship based on personal needs being met as opposed to love. Which in high school, that's normal. I hope this makes the getting over her easier." He chuckled slightly. I wanted to laugh out loud, his words felt right to me and brought with them relief.

"It makes the guilt lessen that she was using me. And I feel better knowing that it wasn't my inability to love her, that no matter what I did I wasn't going to be able to save her. Neither of us were emotionally invested enough to save it at all. Our relationship never grew and changed into a mature, healthy one. No wonder Esme never liked her, I guess she could see right through her from the start." It was my turn to chuckle.

"Mother's have a way of sensing those things. Besides, I learned a long time ago, never discount the feelings that women get about other women. Most of the time they are right. My wife is almost always right. At least that's what she makes me say." He laughed out loud with that comment and I joined him. I knew that this was the way it worked, we loved them and did whatever they said.

We settled into silence. I was absorbing the sense of relief I was feeling, and the joy of the revelations I made today. Dr. Ward was simply watching me; I could feel his eyes on me. When I glanced up and met his eyes they showed satisfaction and happiness.

"Why, my dear Edward, I think you are ready to go home! What do you think?"

"Really, after this one conversation? Damn, I'm gonna be a Psychiatrist if it's this easy." I joked.

"Don't fool yourself boy, it wasn't easy. All of our conversations led up to this one, it was just easier because you had your feelings for Bella now to compare to. That is what has made it easier to see how pale your feelings for Tanya really were. Now, go and call your girl and tell her you're coming home. I think the rest we can do by phone. Go on, get out of here!" He stood and came around the end of his desk. He reached out and pulled me into a hug. I went willingly. He gave me peace of mind and paved the way for a wonderful relationship with Bella.

"Call me next week and we can talk about what it's like to be home, okay?" I nodded.

I rushed up the stairs and packed my stuff. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called Alice.

"Edward! So glad you remembered that you were related to me, why did you wait so long?" She teased.

"Alice I talked to you a few days ago, why are you giving me grief?"

"Just because it's so much fun! What's up?"

"How do you know something's up?" That was a stupid question, she always knew when something was up. I don't know if Jasper was ever truly able to surprise her or if she just pretended to be surprised.

"I always know, so spill it." I could picture the exact stance she would have adopted at my doubting her, her right hip shifted outward, hand resting on it, and her face scrunched up into a slight scowl. I laughed, we could have been twins. She knew me better than any other, and I somehow was in tune with her as well.

"Fine, damn you're good. I'm coming home." I waited, mentally counting…one…two…three…

"EDWARD, are you joking with me? This isn't funny if this is a joke." All of this was shrieked at levels only dogs and rats could hear clearly.

"No, Alice, I can assure you I would never joke about this. Is Bella anywhere around you?" Suddenly, I was afraid that Alice would give away my surprise.

"No, silly, she's at home. Rose and I are here at the shop, but she's coming over later to help with inventory. She's a whiz at that shit, we suck at it. What do you have in mind?" The devious side of Alice had just reared it's head.

"Well, I certainly don't want Bella to know I'm coming home. I hadn't thought past that yet. What were you thinking?" I asked trusting her judgment.

"Well, we usually go out and eat after work. I will have her get dressed up, we can meet everyone at Zorba's, and you can sneak in with us. We can go dancing afterwards, what do you think?

"I love it. Have her looking sexy when I get there for me; I can't wait to see her. Call me back when you have it an outfit picked out and I will give you my card number to pay for it. I'm leaving here in a few minutes so I will call Carlisle and Esme. I will go to their house to shower and change. What time do I need to meet you there?" My body was so anxious to see Bella again and hold her close. I wasn't sure it was a good idea for us to be in a crowded restaurant together, I wasn't sure I could keep it PG for all of the others.

"Meet us at seven that will give us enough time to get her ready." She squealed into my ear. I chuckled at her enthusiasm.

"Talk to you later then. By the way, in case I forgot to tell you, you're the best!" I so rarely told her or Rosalie how much I cared for them and the small ways they helped take care of me over the years.

"No problem, anything for my baby brother." It sounded so funny hearing Alice call me her baby brother when I stood over a foot taller than her and outweighed her by too many pounds to count.

"Bye, Alice" I could hear her calling for Rosalie as she disconnected the line.

My next call would be just as easy.

"Hey Edward, how's it going?" Carlisle's voice never failed to calm me.

"Well, great actually. I had a very good session with Dr. Ward today and I'm coming home. He feels like I've made enough progress that he can do the rest over the phone, so he cut me loose. I just left Seattle and am heading to your house."

"My house, why not yours?" I heard the frown in his voice.

"I want to surprise Bella. Alice is going to get her dressed up and everyone is to meet for dinner and then I will come in. So I wanted to see if you had plans and could join us?"

"Perfect timing, our plans just cancelled about an hour ago. I'll call Esme and let her know. Where do we need to meet up with everyone?"

"Alice said Zorba's, I'll let you know when I get there. Are you at work or home?" I wanted time to talk with Carlisle about today's session with Dr. Ward, and I'm sure he wanted to find out what made the sudden difference.

"Technically, home, but I'm running errands now. I will be back by the time you get there. Is everything okay?" Carlisle always had a way of knowing when I needed his advice and wisdom. His compassion for people made his advice indispensable and always informative.

"I'm good, just wanting to talk with you for a few before the mayhem starts. Once we get to the restaurant there won't be time."

"Nothing is ever normal when we are all together. Emmett bumps it up a few notches and makes it surreal. Don't worry we'll have time to talk it through."

"Okay, see you then."

"Bye Edward."

Carlisle disconnected the call.

I was never one to abide by the speed limit laws, but today the need to speed was even greater. I had never pushed the car so hard before. The closer to Forks I got the more I could feel the peace and happiness settle in.

Just as promised, Carlisle's car was in the garage when I pulled up; Esme's as well. I was glad to be able to talk to them both. I know that the fact that none of us were their biological children never made a difference in the depth of their feelings for each of us. Just as I'm sure they both had spent plenty of time worrying and debating over my current situation, trying to find a way to make it all better for me. I knew that this would make them both very happy, and it had been a long time since I could say that life is okay.

I gathered the few things that I took with me to Seattle and brought them into the house. Esme greeted me at the door with tears in her eyes and joy on her face. She pulled me into a hug and held my head to her shoulder, like she did when I was younger and needed her comfort. I waited for her to pull away, I wanted to give her all the time she needed to rein in her emotions. Carlisle came up and placed a hand on her shoulder and one on mine. Esme stepped back and allowed Carlisle and I to greet each other.

"You look good, son, you appear at peace." I nodded at his comment and noted that a tear slipped down Esme's face.

"Let's sit down and talk." I took Esme's hand and she led me into the family room.

I retold the sessions I had today with Dr. Ward and the understanding that it brought about for me.

"The relief is overwhelming, I was so worried that I wasn't cut out to be a good mate for anyone. I had convinced myself that I would be alone for the rest of my life. A few flings here and there but nothing permanent. To finally see the real picture of our loveless relationship makes me hope that I can have what you two have and what my parents had. I was at peace when Bella and I were in Seattle. She needed me and I was there for her. I felt a small piece of what life could give, and I must admit I'm selfish I want the whole thing." I knew that my thoughts were jumbled and didn't form complete thoughts, but it was all still rushing around in my head. I couldn't put them in order, they were all fighting for dominance. I was just happy that they were there at all, so I didn't bother to force them into a straight path, they could wander and be in their own way.

"I knew that she never loved you, and I wasn't sure about you. I saw the devotion and care you felt but I never was certain if it went as deep as love. She was a troubled girl and the pain allowed her evil side to come out so often. I didn't think her soul matched yours. I'm glad you see it now and can move on." Esme patted my hand, her voice so timid, almost afraid to say these things out loud.

"Why didn't you tell me this before? Not that I'm blaming you but you both were so free with advice, I took your silence to be agreement with me. This may have changed things slightly, even the hint of doubt from either of you." I tried to say this without a hint of anger or blame, I'm not sure I succeeded.

"Edward, we gave you advice as often as we could. But I have learned in 'love' you have to learn for yourself. If we had told you that we didn't think she was your soul mate, would you have left her in high school? Probably not, at that age you don't worry about soul mates, you go with what's available. We felt that you needed to make up your own mind, without our interference. Besides Alice and Rosalie were both so vocal about Tanya that we felt that if we gave an opinion that you would be overwhelmed. So we sat back and waited for you to decide. We thought that the decision had been made when you left for college, not knowing that you needed us. We certainly would have stepped in and given our advice had we truly known the situation. We can't express how sorry we are that you had to deal with that alone."

"No need for regrets, it brought me here so I will just be thankful for that. Besides, if anyone was at fault it would be me. I didn't tell anyone so how would you know? Now, let's get ready to go and eat dinner. I can't wait to see my Bella. She has no idea I'm home." I stood up just as my phone rang.

Alice's name popped up on the screen with a beautiful picture of her sitting in Jas's lap.

"What up Al?"

"Bella's balking about going out. Call her and encourage her, tell her to go and enjoy herself then she can call you and tell you all about it. She loves to call you after we have been out and make you feel like you were with us. She has no idea so don't spoil the fun." Alice giggled.

"Okay, give me a minute. Is she there at the shop?" I asked.

"Yes, here she comes, bye." Alice disconnected the line quickly.

I took my bags up to my old room and set them down. I pulled my phone back out of my pocket and dialed Bella.

"Hey baby, what are you doing?" I tried to sound casual, but my heart was thundering in my chest. She was only 15 minutes away from me and I couldn't see her yet.

"Hey, just working with Alice and Rose. What about you?" She sounded distracted.

"Nothing, just missing you. I talked to Alice earlier she said you all might go out tonight. Where are you going?"

"I don't know, I don't really want to go. I would rather stay in and talk to you. I miss you so much, how much longer, baby?" She sounded so sad. This was the hardest part of being away from Bella, the sadness it caused her.

"Not long now, just be patient. Why don't you get dressed up and take a picture to send to me. That way I get to see you and then you can call me and tell me about it. We can talk in bed, it always makes me feel like you're there with me. Go and enjoy yourself, then call me, okay?" I tried out the voice that Rosalie calls my panty dropper.

"Okay, if you want me to. I guess I do have to eat and I haven't shopped for groceries yet this week. If someone didn't call me every Saturday to fix their inventory for them I might have a chance to do simple things like that." The last part shouted for Alice's benefit, and I could hear Alice calling back her response in the back ground.

"Okay, then go and pick out an outfit and get dressed. Don't forget to send me a picture so I can see you!"

"Sure, give me about a half an hour and I will send you something hot. Knowing Alice she already has something picked out for me." She sounded much better.

"I love you, Bella, go and have fun for me."

"I love you too, Edward."

I hung up before she said anything else. I texted Alice to let her know.

**A-**

**It worked, take care of her.**

**5545 6621 7767 9864**

**No limit for her!**

**E-**

A few minutes later I got her response.

**E-**

**What the hell no limit for her but not for me?**

**Whatev, as long as I get to shop who cares.**

**She's gonna be the hottest one in the room,**

**Love Ya~ A;)**

I showered and dressed in record time.

Alice had called Esme while I was in the shower to let her know that they were all ready and heading to the restaurant. Carlisle, Esme and I would arrive after the rest of them. That way I could sneak in on Bella and surprise her. Alice had her orders, she was to make sure that Bella sat facing away from the door, no excuses.

The closer to Zorba's we got the more nervous I became. I couldn't fathom seeing Bella everyday as much as I wanted. The thought of us talking about my feelings for Tanya was also making me nervous. I knew Bella would be happy to find out that I really didn't ever love Tanya. I just wasn't sure she would be comfortable talking in details about how I did feel about Tanya. I would share as much or as little as Bella was comfortable with.

Alice called Esme again to let her know they had arrived at the restaurant and the eating went as planned. Just as Esme was hanging up, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out to see a picture text from Bella was waiting for me. I hit the view now button and it opened the amazing sight of her dressed for dinner tonight. I was so glad that I would be holding her in my arms and not stuck in Seattle so far away from her.

Carlisle pulled in and allowed the valet to park his car, so we entered the restaurant at the same time. I could see Emmett's head over the shoulder's of the crowd, his height granted this. Carlisle proceeded first, followed by Esme and then I followed last. I tried to stay back and concealed, I didn't want to spoil the surprise.

Carlisle and Esme slipped around the other side of the table to take their seats. I stayed a few feet behind Bella's chair, everyone kept their eyes on Carlisle and Esme who were sitting down and trying greet everyone in a normal fashion. Once the table was settled and Alice asked about wine, I stepped behind Bella and leaned down to her ear.

"Someone as breathtaking as you should have a date for this evening. Perhaps I could fill in for whomever is missing from your side?" I whispered directly into her ear.

A shocked gasp was uttered as Bella turned to face me. She launched herself out of the chair and into my arms.

"Edward, you're here," she uttered as she began to sob.

"Baby, don't cry. It's okay. I got to come back a little earlier than I expected. I thought you would be happier than this." I tried for humor, hoping to make her feel better.

"You don't understand, I'm so glad you're here. I felt so sad that you weren't here and actually sick to my stomach at having to sit and eat dinner with everyone else here as a couple. I missed you so bad, I can't believe you're here. This is the best surprise I have ever had. I love you so much." She was still crying, but her sobs had stopped. She now had a few tears silently running down her face.

I kissed her gently on the lips and wiped her tears away.

"I know baby, I missed you so much. The last week has been pure torture without you. I can't sleep without you by my side; you have spoiled me. I'm so sleep deprived it's not funny. I can't wait to get home and get into bed with you." She sucked in her breath and blushed a furious shade of red.

"Edward, for heaven's sakes. We are at dinner with your family." She chided.

"First of all, Bella, they are our family, not just mine. And secondly, you dirty little girl, I meant to sleep. What in the world were you thinking?" I wiggled one eyebrow at her suggestively.

The whole table laughed with us. Everybody took turns welcoming me home and I sat down beside Bella to eat dinner with my family. I looked around the table and I could honestly say that I had never been so glad to be back at home with my family. And even more thankful that that description now included Bella.

* * *

And that my girls and boys (if there are any) is how it goes, I couldn't stand Edward being away from Bella for too long. I hope you agree with my decision! Let me know:)


	19. Chapter 19 Without Your Love

**A/N: This past week has kind of been a strange one, but things are looking up! This week is my kids spring break and they are with their Nana all week! I am hoping to get lots of writing done, so that I will have more yummy fun for you all to enjoy! **

**Thanks goes out to the same peeps, especially EA! You are my hero, so many times you have rescued me and helped me make this story work! Thanks for being my friend and adviser. She really should get co-author credits on parts of this! Go and check out her wonderful story-The Game that Changed it All. She just posted the wedding chapter, the longest she's ever posted! It is all good, like really good. Go and read her stuff, then send her some love:) **

**Playlist: Without Your Love-SHeDAISY, This Woman Needs- SHeDAISY, Starts with Goodbye- Carrie Underwood, Shattered (Turn the Car Around)-Oasis, Unfair- Josh Kelley**

**I hope you enjoy!  
**

* * *

What if my heart had walked right past you, What if my eyes had never asked you

To come and take the chains that kept me weighted down, If you'd never saved me

Oh I know I'd still be

Walking in sinking sand, Flying with no place to land

Oh, I'd be lost searching for you, Heaven would be out of reach

My soul left incomplete, That's where I'd be without your love

You're the reason that I feel so safe, The way you hold me holds my heart in place

I'm just thankful to be where I am right now, Without your arms around me

I'd be where you found me

Walking in sinking sand, Flying with no place to land

Oh, I'd be lost searching for you, Heaven would be out of reach

My soul left incomplete, That's where I'd be without your love

Without Your Love-SHeDAISY

Chapter 19- Without Your Love

Bella POV

We had finished dinner and decided that everyone, including Carlisle and Esme, would go to the club for a little dancing. After Carlisle paid the bill, everyone stood in unison to put on our coats. Edward had his hands on my shoulders a little longer than necessary to help me into my coat. I turned to smile at him; I really couldn't believe that he was home. His beautiful smile was breathtaking. I was so wrapped up in his smile that I didn't even realize that my body started moving towards his, almost as if his body were calling to mine. Our lips met in a gentle kiss, a kiss that respected where we were, but held promise for later. Jasper cleared his throat and Emmett tugged on Edward's arm. He pulled back and turned to see what Emmett felt was important enough to stop our sweet kiss. My breath caught in my throat, Edward and I were face to face with Jacob. His face was twisted with a half smile. I could see the effort he was extending to us both.

"Bella, it's good to see you. Edward, it really has been a long time. I didn't know you had moved back to Forks, when did you get back?" He glanced at me to determine my reaction at his question. I refused to acknowledge it at all, Jacob was only trying to see if this had any bearing on our break up. It absolutely did not. I broke up with Jake because we weren't really in love. We were friends who lived and slept together. That's not what I wanted for my life. I guess he was also forgetting that our breakup was mutual. He had been just as ready to end things as I was.

Edward reached up and shook Jacob's hand. "I have only been here a few weeks, just got back from Seattle this afternoon." He obviously saw what Jacob was hinting at as well and was being vague for Jacob's sake and to avoid any kind of confrontation. He wanted to put as much distance between the two events as possible. I appreciated his consideration for Jacob's feelings. I leaned against his side an imperceptible amount. His arm tightened on my side.

Alice noticed Jacob as she came back from the bathroom and rushed to his side. He turned to greet her with a little more enthusiasm.

"Pint size, why the hell haven't you called me lately?" He enveloped her into his large hug and lifted her off of the floor.

"Sorry, the new software at the store has been giving us hell. We even had to call Bella and have her come and fix the inventory for the whole store for us. We have been putting in so many extra hours there hasn't been time for anything else. What have you been up to?" She clung to him and continued to take the focus off of Edward and me.

"Just work, nothing new." He offered with a small smile. He glanced over Alice's shoulder to me as his eyes darkened. I knew there was more going on that Jake wasn't sharing. I thought I saw pain flicker across his expression. But I didn't quite understand why.

"I hate to interrupt but I do have to get to work kind of early so if we are going to get in any dancing time, we need to head off now," Carlisle interjected, "Jacob, good to see you. How is your dad?" he asked politely as we prepared to leave.

"He's doing well, Dr. Cullen, thanks for asking. I have an early flight myself so I really should be going as well. You all take care." Emmett and Jasper shook Jake's hand, murmuring their greetings to each other as they walked by. Alice hugged Jacob good bye and made her way over to stand next to Jasper. As if by magic everyone moved at once and left Jacob and I standing together again. He reached in to hug me. I couldn't help but notice how it felt a little strange.

"Bella, you look so beautiful tonight. He had better be good to you." I nodded in a short quick response to acknowledge his words. "Can I call you? I miss you so much, it's hard to break a lifetime worth of friendship off so quick, you know." He pleaded with me as he backed away. Looking up at him I could definitely see pain in his eyes.

"Sure, we can go and grab some coffee at that little place you love." I did understand his dilemma. If I didn't have Alice and Rosalie, my whole world would have left with Jacob. Now that Edward was also filing my life, I hadn't thought about Jacob in quite a while. A small twinge of guilt passed through me. He smiled at me and nodded.

Edward took my arm and led me from the restaurant. He was quiet during the drive to the club. I felt as though something was bothering him and wondered if it had to do with seeing Jake this evening. I couldn't help getting nervous the longer the silence went on.

"Edward, please talk to me. What are you thinking?" I asked, afraid of what he was going to say, but unable to handle the uneasy silence that surrounded us any longer.

"Bella, I don't know. I just get the feeling that he hasn't let you go. It scares me, that's all." He ran his hands through his hair.

"Edward, please believe me when I say I don't feel anything for him at all. I promise. You are the most important person in my life. I couldn't survive without you. You and our relationship is what matters to me now. Don't worry about Jacob, I do feel bad that he looks unhappy, but I don't see how there is anything I can do to change that."

"His happiness or lack thereof is not your fault. He is in charge of that. Believe me, I know that for sure. It is something he is going to have to learn to accept," he chuckled.

No more talk was needed since we had arrived at the club.

It took a few drinks and some dancing but eventually I forgot Jake's pain and concentrated on what I had with Edward. He was finally home and I wanted to enjoy him and our time together. He had worked so hard and deserved the celebration.

I thought it would be awkward to hang with the parents, but I was wrong. Carlisle and Esme proved to be quite the dancers and entertained us all. They danced and drank along with all of us. It was amazing how they added another facet to our group. However, all too soon, Carlisle and Esme were ready to head home. Edward and I said our goodbye's and left along with them.

I was anxious to be heading home with Edward, to finally be in his arms without any interruptions or anyone leaving.

"We'll be along after a little while. I have some more dancing to do," Alice chirped as she grabbed Rosalie's hand to drag her towards the dance floor again. Rose simply waved over her shoulder at us while following trailing Alice.

Edward and I settled into a peaceful quiet lull on the way back to the house. His hand rested on my knee softly tracing patterns on my skin.

I took advantage of the time to ponder how Edward would feel about me meeting Jacob for coffee. I wanted to spend time with my friend but I wanted to find a way to assure Edward that he was simply a friend, nothing more. I didn't want to jeopardize what I had or even hurt Edward to clear the air with Jacob. As much as I valued our friendship, he was not going to come in between what I had now. My love for Edward was much too important to me for me to risk it, even for Jake.

We had pulled down the drive and parked without me even realizing where we were. Edward remained in his seat still tracing patterns on my skin. Something was definitely wrong. I shifted my body to face him.

"Edward, I…" I tried to start the talk that we both knew we needed to have; it was like Jacob was right here in the car physically separating us. I needed to assure him that he was the one for me and I had no feelings for Jacob any longer.

"Bella, wait." He held up his hand for me to stop, "I know that we need to talk about Jacob and that is fine, I really want to. But, just not tonight please. I want it to be me and you tonight; tomorrow we will talk about him all day, but not tonight. Okay, love?"

I nodded and he opened the door, letting go of my hand. I waited patiently for him to open my door for me, as he always did.

His skin seemed to warm mine from the outside in, as his hand once again took mine. The familiar hum of electricity was pulsing its way across my body and I looked to Edward to see if could feel it as well. His face was wrapped in a smile and his eyes held a peace that I had not seen before from him. My heart swelled to know that he had found peace and happiness in Seattle. Nothing was in his way and he was ready to move on with me. I decided that tomorrow when we had our talk about Jacob that I would make sure he knew that I was just as sure of our future as he was and Jacob held no place in it.

Edward held my hand tightly as we made our way to the bedroom. He glanced back at me often, smiling at me, but made no sounds.

He pulled me into my bedroom, and I stopped at my door. I no longer thought of this room as my bedroom, and it wasn't where I wanted us to be.

During Edward's absence, I had begun to sleep in Edward's bedroom and now thought of that room as mine as well. I used my old bedroom as a place to get dressed and to hold my books.

I wanted us to be together in "our" bedroom, not "my" bedroom. I pulled back on his hand. He turned to look at me questioningly.

"In here would be better." I tugged again and this time he followed.

This was the first time Edward was entering the room after leaving for Seattle. My stuff was scattered around the room along side of his. He smiled at the change, happiness settling in chest at his acknowledgment.

"This is where I want us to be, here, now, together." I bit my lip, filled with so many emotions at the same time. I pushed them all back, allowing my inner seductress to take over. Showing Edward a proper welcome home was first and foremost in my mind now. All other things could wait until tomorrow.

"Go and sit there, in that chair." His face took on a look of shock as his eyebrow rose at my bold statement. I had never taken the lead in this way before; he was always the aggressor in our sexual relationship.

Edward complied and sat down in the leather, sliding in and waiting for his "show". I walked over to the iPod dock and turned on my iPod. I clicked over to the playlist I wanted and turned it up so the music surrounded us and set the mood.

I turned to face Edward and began to remove my earrings, bracelet, and rings. I kept my eyes on Edward, as each piece slid to the floor. He pulled his tie loose and unbuttoned his top button, then dropped his hands back to the armrest of the chair. I sauntered over, slowly swinging my hips in time with the music. When the drum crashed I threw my foot up onto the edge of the arm of the chair right beside his hand. My hands slid down my leg, stopping at my ankle. I slid my hands back up and stopped when my hands reached my thigh. I removed my leg and replaced it with the other leg and repeated the action. Watching Edward's eyes widen the closer I got to my core.

When I stepped away from the chair, Edward reached to stop me. I caught his hand and placed it back on the arm of the chair.

I reached up, unhooked the halter neck of my dress and slid the zipper down. This allowed the dress to fall to the floor. I stood in front of Edward in nothing but my bra and panties, a sweet little pair of black satin underwear and matching strapless bra. Edward's eyes opened as large as saucers when the dress fell. Once again, thank you Alice for the hot clothes hook up.

"You like this?" I asked as I widened my stance and leaned down to place my hands right next to his on the arm of the chair. This allowed him a nice view of my cleavage, and put me closer to him. He simply nodded at me and swallowed.

"Yeah, I…uh…like it a lot." He stammered.

"Well, too bad Alice spent all this time and money on me, because I intend to take it off." Let him think on that. As I turned to walk back towards the bed, I reached behind me and started to unhook my bra strap.

"I spent," he replied.

I turned to face him again, my bra half unhooked and barely hanging in place.

"What?"

"I bought the clothes for you, Bella. I wanted you to have something beautiful to wear tonight. Something that would cheer you up, even if you thought I wasn't joining you. Alice, however, did pick it all out. So, you still owe her some thanks anyway." His beautiful face took on a look of satisfaction that turned into a large smile.

"What is it with you and clothes for me? Well, I appreciate it and I loved them. They made me feel sexy, and I am glad that you were there to see me wearing them." I popped the last hook as I finished the last words and dropped the bra to the floor. I turned to face Edward with my right arm draped across my breasts, holding them tightly across my body.

The song changed to This Woman Needs, the slower rhythm allowed my hips to work in time with the music while I moved closer to Edward. The sensual voice and music combined allowed me to coax out the sensuality that the song invoked. I withdrew my arms from my chest and lifted them above my head. My hips swayed and I felt my breasts follow suit, Edward's face never left my body. I could see the obvious pleasant reaction to the boldness that I only knew with him.

He sat forward and slid his hand up the side of my thighs up to my hip. He leaned forward and left a small kiss on my right hip bone. The kiss was innocent enough, his mouth didn't open and his tongue stayed within its confines, but the kiss ignited me in ways that were indescribable. I felt peace, trust, honesty, adoration, faith, hope, security, and love. Most of all, I felt the love. Edward showed me that those emotions were possible with someone. I was right to hold out for my soul mate. I had found him, without even looking for him. He was with me all along; I was too busy looking in the wrong places to see him. Edward was my soul mate, he always had been. The weight of my thoughts crashed down upon me as my knees gave way.

Edward stood as I melted and took my hand. His mouth gently met mine in a kiss that touched my soul and left it open for him to see. Somewhere in all of the kissing, Edward had removed his shirt and pants. He was pushing his boxers down with one hand while pulling me closer to him with the other. I slid my underwear down and stepped closer to him as he collapsed back into his leather chair. The cool leather felt wonderful against my flushed skin. I moved to straddle Edward's body, he leaned back in the chair and allowed me to position our bodies. I felt the love radiate off of him as I took control of our lovemaking. I felt like the Queen of the World. The song changed again, SheDaisy began singing of all the ways that love had changed them. I took the words into my soul as I slid over Edward and took him into my body. The song was written for me to experience at this moment in time with this man. Nothing had ever felt so right to me.

I slowly slid down on Edward's cock, allowing it to completely fill me. The skin on my thighs was tickled by the wispy hair of his legs, as my hips came into full contact with his. I sat for a few seconds to absorb the sensations and relish the feeling of euphoria. I leaned forward and placed my hands on the back of the chair on each side of Edwards head. This position placed my upper body closer to Edward's face. He took the opportunity to place light kisses along my collar bones, across my chest and down to each breast.

"Bella." His voice came out gravelly and barely restrained.

"It's me, baby, just you and me. God, you feel so amazing. I'm not sure I have ever felt anyone so deep before. It's almost overwhelming, Edward. Can you feel it?" My head was thrown back, my eyes were closed; I was simply rambling about whatever my mind chose to grasp onto at that moment.

"Yeah, baby, you are so perfect. I love you so much, Bella. God, I needed to be with you. I missed you so much." Edward panted against my chest, his hands gripped my sides. His firm but gentle pressure lifted me off of his body. I was stunned and confused for a second. He spun me around and settled me back down in his lap, as he slid effortlessly back inside me. Edward's hand pulled my back flush against his chest and guided my hands up to his neck. I turned and met his mouth, our tongues greedy for contact with each other. His hands were gliding along my body, exciting my skin and spreading the flames that were sure to consume me. His hips had settled into a steady rhythm. His thrusts were deep and slow. Edward moved his knees, drawing them further apart, in turn pulling mine open as well. Spreading my body open even further than before. One of his hands stayed to continue his teasing on my breasts, while the other slid lower to torture my clit. The throbbing seemed to intensify as his hand slowly slid towards it, beginning its own begging for attention and devotion.

I should feel dirty and cheap, laid out over Edward's body while he touched me, and teased me. I, however, felt loved and cherished. His mouth was now at my ear, but instead of the normal dirty talk, he only had words of love tonight.

"Bella, you are perfect for me. I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. Perfect, baby, perfect." He panted into my ear. My brain heard but had trouble concentrating on the words that were being whispered to me. Edward's fingers were circling my clit as he slid into me, he had the pattern down. Slide in, circle the clit, slide out, rub across the clit, slide in, circle the clit, slide out, rub across it. When you add in the kisses and licks to my ear and neck, the constant squeezing to my breast and nipple pinches, and his sweet words. I only had one choice, throw my body off of the cliff and give in to the engulfing orgasm.

"That's it baby, so close, just let it go Bella. Feel me, feel us. We're perfect together."

"Edward, oh, Edward." I could only pant. I felt no need to scream his name, no reason to claw at his skin, this wasn't a primal needy fuck. This was Edward making love to me, engulfing me in his passion. My orgasm was silent, but powerful, all consuming.

My bones were soft and pliant, I'm sure the skin and muscles had fallen away from them. Somehow, I found the strength to sit up, I wanted to coax Edward towards his own orgasm. He pulled me flush against him again.

"Don't leave me, Bella, I want to feel your body against mine. Almost, baby. So good, so deep. God, Bella!" His rhythm faltered as his body tensed behind me.

"Bella," he murmured.

I suddenly felt open and bare now that our passion was sated. I moved to cover myself. Edward slid out of me and turned my body sideways across him. He somehow managed to draw me up into his lap and cuddle me like a small baby in his arms.

"Have I told you how much I love you today?" he asked.

"I could always hear it again."

"I mean everything I say to you, Bella, please don't think because it is said during our passion that it means any less than anything else I say. I mean everything I say to you." He placed a kiss to my temple.

"I know, baby. You have no idea what your words do to me, you empower me with your words."

"Good, that's what I want." I could hear the smile in his confirmation.

"Let's get to bed, the others will be home soon and I want you tucked in before they see you in your current state." Edward chuckled.

"I don't know, I think that Alice and Rosalie would like that the Fuck-Me-Shoes stayed on," I teased him.

"Yes they would, wouldn't they?"

We made short work of showering and Edward was tucked into bed. I snuck out to grab something to put on the next morning. As I entered my room, I noticed the glow of my cell phone on the nightstand, exactly where I dropped it in my haste to seduce Edward. I picked it up, noticing it showed 4 missed calls. I tapped the screen to show the missed calls, expecting them to be from Rose or Alice, asking if it was safe to come home yet. Before the screen could show me, the phone rang again. Jacob was calling. I guess I expected this call, just not this soon. Now is as good a time as any to get this over with.

"Hello?" I whispered.

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**E/N: Not really nice, I know. But... I couldn't delve into that in this chapter! Good news, it will be up next Monday, so at least you know how long the torture will last! Right? What do you think of it all? Love it? Hate it? Don't know? Press the little button below and let me hear from ya! **


	20. Chapter 20 Broken Vow

**A/N: The same normal thanks are in order- to my posse:Sonja, Lexy, Eternally Addicted, and mommymac0508! Thanks for your support and help, I love you all:) To my new readers and reviewers- I appreciate all of you and your great comments! **

**Playlist: Broken Vow-Josh Groban, I Remember- Kenny Chesney,Just So You Know- Jesse McCartney, Learn My Lesson- Daughtry, I'm Not Supposed To Love You Anymore- Brian White, I Breathe In, I Breathe Out- Chris Cagle, Barely Holding On- Wes Nickerson**

**As always SM owns all the fun stuff, I just play with it!**

**I feel like there is more to say but for the life of me I can't think of it, so...on with the show!**

* * *

Tell me his name I want to know, The way he looks and where you go;

I need to see his face, I need to understand, Why you and I came to an end;

Tell me again, I want to hear, You broke my faith in all these years;

Who lays with you at night when I'm here all alone, Remembering when I was your own.

I let you go, I let you fly, Why do I keep on asking why;

I let you go now that I've found a way to keep somehow;

More than a broken vow.

Tell me the words I never said, Show me the tears you never shed;

Give me the touch the warmth you promised to be mine;

Or has it vanished for all times?

I let you go, I let you fly, Why do I keep on asking why;

I let you go now that I've found a way to keep somehow;

More than a broken vow.

I close my eyes and dream of you and I, And then I realize;

There's more to love than only bitterness and lies;

I close my eyes.

I'd give away my soul to hold you once again and never let this promise end.

I let you go, I let you fly, Now that I know, I'm asking why;

I let you go now that I've found a way to keep somehow;

More than a broken vow.

Josh Groban-Broken Vow

Chapter 20- Broken Vow

Bella POV

"Bella? Are you alright? Why are you whispering?" Jacob asked.

"Jacob, I'm fine. Are you? Why are you calling me so late?"

Jacob chuckled, it sounded full of self doubt or maybe closer to fear. I wasn't sure but it made me worry about the cause of this call.

"I just missed you. We have been friends for so long. You, Bella, were my best friend. It's hard to go from best friends and living together to nothing. I know it would have been hard to continue our close friendship without all the other stuff getting in the way, but damn! I haven't heard from you at all, didn't I mean anything to you?" The edge in his voice made him sound desperate. I felt like I needed to talk him down, calm his fears, and allow him to get rid of some of the pain.

"Of course you meant something to me. I wasn't sure how to move on without you, but I also didn't think it was fair of me to string you along until I figured it all out. If I was going to do that I might as well have stayed with you. There's no difference in staying with you and stringing you along. I didn't see any, anyway." I took a deep breath, trying to focus my mind so I could make him understand. "Look Jacob, I'm sorry if you mistook my distance for lack of caring. I care. I will always care about you. You were there for almost every major event in my life, that can't be taken away in a matter of hours or just because of a few packed boxes. I'm just as blind in this as you are. And you know, Jake, you could have contacted me too. It's not all on me." I tried to reason with him.

"Blind? Did you say blind? I'm not blind, I saw you with Edward tonight. I saw the way you both looked at each other. Blinded by love Bella, that's the only kind of blind in your world." I heard a glass clink as he finished his sentence. There was no way I would be able to talk any sense into him if he was drinking. Jake was never a mean or sloppy drunk by any means, but he also wasn't exactly clear-headed either.

"Jake, it's late. Maybe we should sleep on this and we can meet to talk about this tomorrow. What do you say to that?" I grasped at some way to postpone this talk until he was sober and rational.

"Why? So you can go climb back in bed with your lover and leave me here to agonize over my decision? Fuck that, Bella. You started all of this and you have to see it through to the end. I can't believe that you would just run off with Edward. Edward fucking Cullen no less. At least you traded up! What was it Bella? Was it his money, his cars, his bright future? Are you that shallow of a bitch that you want all the finery and none of the love?" Jake's voice was thick and deep, a hint at the amount he had had to drink tonight. His excuse of drinking did nothing to dissipate the anger that rose in me at his accusations.

"Who the hell do you think you are? None of that shit matters to me at all and you know that. If you want to fucking fight we can go at it, but that is not what I want for us, Jake. Wasn't it you that said, 'But I would be lying if I said I haven't had the same thoughts as well. I noticed the spark was missing a few months back. I didn't want to say anything then; I wanted to wait until you were finished with school.' Weren't those your words Jake? And you sat there in the restaurant and looked me in the eyes and said, 'We just settled into this comfortable routine and never looked back. I feel like we have drifted apart somehow. I know that we were in love in high school, but I think we have grown up. Unfortunately, I think when we grew, it was apart. Besides, I think our family wanted this more than you or I did. I need you to know that I could never be angry with you. I actually wanted to tell you the same thing.' That's what you told me, right? So, now all of the sudden I am a gold-digging bitch who is only concerned with the money and cars that her new sugar daddy can give her? You were going to end it with me as well, Jake! So, don't drop this in my lap like I'm the one who is wrong here." I took a deep breath. Getting angry wouldn't solve this for us, it would only make both of us mad and further the gap in our friendship. I tried again, "I wanted us to be able to maintain the friendship that we had, the friendship that means so much to me. We were babies in a crib together for crying out loud! You're an asshole, I'm hanging up now, you can go fuck yourself Jacob Black!" I tried to keep it down, it was late and I didn't want anyone else in the house to hear this conversation. Especially Edward, he would be so pissed off at Jake.

"Bella, wait please. Don't hang up. I didn't mean any of it, I promise. I know it's an excuse, but I have probably had a little too much to drink tonight. I should just let you go." His voice sounded flat and emotionless. I could hear the clinking of the glass being set down on the stupid glass coffee table that I always hated.

Several thoughts were running through my head all at once, I had some questions that I wanted answered as well. I took a deep breath and blew it out loudly as I tried to pull my thoughts together.

"Jake, what bothers you more, that I have moved on, or that I have moved on with Edward?" I started with this one. "If I remember correctly, you were coming home to tell me the same thing I told you. We were in this decision together. You can't lay our breakup on me alone. If you are have second thoughts and doubts about that I am sorry, but we can't change the fact that it wasn't working for us. Apparently we both saw it. And as for moving on, I am not going to apologize for my relationship with Edward. I didn't plan for it to happen, hell I didn't even know he was coming back to Forks. But it has happened and I'm not going to feel guilty for it."

"Honestly, I don't know. I won't lie, it hurts that you could move on so fast, and it hurts that it's with him. But, I just don't know. I don't have anything against Edward. He really is a good guy. Fuck, I don't know, Bella. Everything just seems so wrong, so flat. It's like my world has lost its color or something," he chuckled a small, embarrassed laugh. "I don't even know if that makes sense."

I settled into the chair in my room, his words took the anger away and left me feeling sad for him. He was right, not once since I laid eyes on Edward again did I think of him. I never worried about how he was doing, or if he was even doing okay by himself. Guilt seized my heart. This was the person that I had spent most of my life with in some way or another, and I had just abandoned him without a backwards glance.

"Does it help if I say that it was not Edward that made me leave? I swear that I had no idea he was back and neither did any of his family. It was you and me, not anyone else. I don't know if that makes it better or not, but I promise that is the truth. I know I moved out and you feel like I just left you behind. I know this, but Jake it's hard to go from what we had to nothing in a matter of minutes. I needed some time to make things right in my head, to take us back to being friends again. I didn't mean to abandon you, it's just really hard to go from best friends to lovers to nothing. All I needed was time to get back to being just friends again." I stared off into the distance watching the forest outside the window, trying to find a way to make Jake okay with all of this.

"I know that, Bells. I didn't mean to say that shit," he whispered, silence settled between us. It was a few minutes before he spoke again, "Can I ask you a question?"

"You can ask me anything."

"Does he treat you well?" His voice was small, defeated.

"Yes he does, very much so. He isn't perfect, but no one is. I have come to realize that no matter who I attach myself to; I'll have to work to make it right. We all have faults and issues. We can't expect to fall in love and everything will be sunshine and rainbows every day. But you see, Jake, that's the part that tells me he is the one, I don't mind the working part. In fact, I want to fight for it because it means so much to me, and I don't mean to hurt you by saying this, but I have never felt that way before." I had to work hard to keep the passion and love out of my voice. I didn't want to hurt Jake anymore than I already had.

"Did you love me Bella?"

"Yes, Jake, with all my heart, for as long as I can remember. But I think that we tried too hard to make our friendship more than what it was. I realize now that it was more of a brotherly love, and that there is more than one kind of love and different levels of love. We pushed it to be more and I don't think that we were supposed to end up there. You can call it God, Buddha, or whatever you want, but I think we are destined to end up in a certain place at a certain time. We stayed for too long in a place and time that didn't belong to us. I think that if we had been meant to have those kind of feelings for each other that we would have fought for it, we would have found a way to make it work. But we didn't and I think that's why. It just wasn't meant to be for us. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry that I was scared of being alone and used that as an excuse to talk myself into staying with you. That is one of those things I will never forgive my mother for. I was so afraid that I would end up like her, bouncing from guy to guy trying to make them the right one. But I was also just as afraid that I was going to end up like Charlie alone and unhappy. So, I just grasped onto the first thing that held any promise. I love you, Jake, but I know now it is not the kind of love that you build a forever on, it is the kind of love that you feel for your family. That's what you are to me Jake, my family, my brother. You will always be my family." I exhaled, hoping that my answer wouldn't further his pain.

"I know, I think we pushed it as well. Funny thing is, I think I rushed it because of my mom and dad too. Really fucking funny, I know. We each rushed it for the same basic influence but with different reasoning behind it. My dad always talked about how he and mom were great friends. How their friendship grew into more and that helped their marriage be better because of it. So, I assumed that was what you were supposed to do. Marry your best friend and wait for love to come to you. Don't get me wrong, I love you with all of my heart. But, I agree, maybe it wasn't the right kind of love." His admission should have made my heart feel better, but it didn't.

"Yeah." That was all I could think of to say.

"What I don't understand is, if we are fated to be with different people, how I miss you so much. I miss everything about you, your laugh, your cute little toes pressed into the side of my leg when you slept, your cooking. Everything, Bella. I know what my head says but my heart is saying go back and get her. I hate that I let you go without a fight. My head tells me that it was the right thing to do, but my heart says that it could be the right kind of love. It screams it, actually. I don't mean to cause you any worry or pain, but, Bella, I can't just let you walk away from me. It hurts like hell that you are gone. I keep asking myself what I could have done differently. Was it something I could have said or something I could have done that would have changed our fate. That would have made us lovers and friends, and not just friends." A sob escaped from him, and I felt tears falling down my cheeks. My heart ached for my life-long friend that was in pain, but not for the lover that I left. The problem was to make him understand my side and the differences.

"Jake, you miss my companionship, the person that you shared things with. Think about this, we have shared everything since we were little. You miss your friend, not your lover. Not once have you said that you miss my body, or my kisses. You miss your friend. I can be your friend, I am your friend. You don't have to miss that part of me. You're alone and taking care of yourself for the first time in a long time and going through some big changes. And…you're doing it without your oldest friend. That fear of the unknown, the fear of this different life you're living now is what is making you miss me. I could come back tomorrow and we would be right back in the same place that we were before. Friends, nothing more. That isn't what we deserve, we deserve a lifetime of special."

I decided to tell him, in as brief detail as I could, about Edward and Tanya. I wanted him to see what Edward went to Seattle to realize. We loved the idea of love with each other and confused our love for the right kind of love to build a relationship on.

"Jake, matters of the heart rarely make sense to the head. I don't know how else to say it. When you fall in love, the right kind of love, you'll see the difference. You'll be thankful that we didn't end up together. You and I both deserve the right kind of love. Edward spent so much time taking care of Tanya because he thought that it was out of love. He was in love with the idea of love. He wanted the comfort and stability of that kind of love. He was so encouraged by Esme and Carlisle's marriage, he wanted that for himself. So he settled for who he thought could give that to him. And I think that is what we did, we settled for each other. For what we knew and felt comfortable with. And I don't want to hurt your feelings but after the short time I have been with Edward, it's different. It is not what we had, this is all consuming. I think back to the tales Billy would tell as we sat around the bonfires. The tales of imprinting that the Quileutes believed in. That is what you deserve Jacob, that love."

"You're right, Bella. I know that you're right. I didn't mean to worry you. I will be fine, I promise. It was just so hard to see you again with Edward. To see the way you looked at him and realize that you didn't look at me that way. You would think that would confirm in my mind that it was meant to be this way. But my head keeps asking what else I could have done, what else I could have said. I'll be fine, I just need time." I could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke. "Besides I promised my dad that I would come for a visit. He gets so lonely all by himself. He misses Charlie."

"That's a good idea, you two spend some time together and bond. Fish and tell stories."

"Sure, sure, something like that. I guess I should go and get my bags packed so I can get on the road. I'll talk to you soon, Bella. Take care of yourself and make sure that Edward knows what a lucky man he is. I'm here if you ever need me, for anything. Okay?"

"Jake are you driving out to Forks tonight?"

"Sure, why wouldn't I?"

"Jacob you have been drinking the whole time we have been on the phone and you sound like you may have had a few before you called me, _that's_ why." My voice reacted to the panic I felt.

"Bells, don't be silly. I have been on the phone for a while with you and my buzz is gone. Besides, you know me, with my body weight I could drink most men under the table. I'll be fine, I promise."

"You're probably right, just text me when you get there, okay?"

"I will. Bella, I still love you. Please call me again soon, so we can talk. I promise all I want is my friend."

"Sure, sure," I teased him, "I'll call, I promise."

I waited for him to disconnect the line, and then tapped my phone to hang up as well.

As I slid back into bed with Edward he roused.

"Baby, where you been?" he murmured sleepily.

"I just went to my room to grab something to sleep in and came back. Go back to sleep" I kissed his head and he settled against my body to sleep.

I slid closer to Edward, not quite sure what it was that woke me up. I heard music, was I at a concert? Why was I in my pajamas? Just as reality was coming to me, I recognized the song.

_I'm an Indian Outlaw, Half Cherokee and Choctaw_

_My baby she's a Chippewa, She's a one of a kind_

_All my friends call me Bearclaw, the village chieftain is my Papaw_

_He gets his orders from my Mamaw, She makes him walk the line _

_You can find me in my wigwam; I'll be beating on my tom tom_

Holy shit that's Jake, again! Quil and Embry thought it was funny as hell to add that ringtone for Jake. I left it all these years, it was kind of funny! Why the hell is he calling me again?

Edward began to stir as the chorus started, so I grabbed the phone and answered it to make it stop.

"Hello?" My voice sounded haggard and sleepy. I glanced at the clock, it was almost 4:30 in the morning.

"Bella, it's Billy. Sorry to wake you. I…," his voice faltered.

"Billy, what's wrong. Are you okay? Jake should be on his way over, he called me earlier and told me he was coming to Forks tonight. Should I call Quill or Embry for you?" Panic set in, Billy was wheelchair bound and was usually pretty self-sufficient, but there was time when he needed help doing things.

"No, Bella. Listen to me! Jake was on his way here and he was hurt. He was in an accident, Bella. I'm not sure how he is the doctors can only tell me he is in surgery so far. He hasn't been in there long enough to know anything yet. Quil and Embry are here with me, they brought me here. I don't know, Bella, I don't even know how bad he is. I know that you are dating Edward now, but do you think that you could come and sit with me? Would he mind?" Billy sounded lost and hopeless.

"Sure, Billy, are you at Forks General?" Edward sat up at the words Forks General and looked over at me.

"Yeah," Billy responded.

"Okay, give me a few minutes and I'll be there. He'll be fine, Billy, I just know it." I tried to reassure him and lift his spirits. The thing was I wasn't entirely sure that he would be. Fear gripped my heart as I tapped my phone and turned to get out of bed.

"Hey, baby, where you going? Who's at the hospital?" Edward said as he wiped his eyes, trying to clear the sleep from them.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. That was Billy; Jake's been in an accident. He was on his way here to Forks to spend some time with Billy. I talked with him earlier and he had been drinking. I tried to get him to not drive tonight but you know Jake, he's stubborn. He said he was fine and left anyway. I should have stopped him, Edward, I'm partially responsible." I collapsed against the side of the bed as Edward rushed forward to catch me.

"Bella, look sweetheart, you said it yourself, you tried to stop him. Jake does what he wants, he is a big boy and you can't blame yourself for his mistake. I know that Jake would never intentionally try to hurt himself or anyone else. You were here and he was there, what else could you have done besides ask him not to. You didn't put him behind the wheel of his car, and you weren't the one driving. He was. If he was driving and drunk then he did this to himself. We'll find out more when we get there, this has to be a misunderstanding. Now, let's get you dressed so we can go to the hospital and sit with Billy. This has got to be hard on him. Come on." Edward pulled me up and wiped my tears away. He pushed me towards the door and turned to open his dresser.

"What are you doing, are you coming with me?" I asked.

"Of course, Bella. I don't want you out there on the road by yourself at this time of night. Besides I operate much better with the lack of sleep than you do." He smile and nodded at me to go on and get dressed, so I did.

Less than fifteen minutes later we were on our way to Forks General. Edward held my hand tightly in his. I know he claimed the whole lack of sleep thing, but I was glad for his presence. I know that if this night ends badly, then I would need him with me. As if he could read my mind, he squeezed my hand for a brief second and relaxed his grip again.

Edward let me out at the door and went to park the car. I rushed in to find Billy, Quil, Embry and Sue Clearwater waiting in the small waiting room. Billy was clearly worried; his face appeared older by years with this news of the accident. Sue was holding his hand and rubbing his arm. He glanced up at me as I made my way to him. I sobbed against his shoulder. He held me and patted my shoulder. I could hear him chanting in Quileute, but of course I couldn't understand most of what he said. When the sobbing slowed, I stood and greeted Quil and Embry with hugs. Sue stood off to the side and waited for her turn.

"Bells, he is in surgery now. They are working to stabilize his leg. He shattered his tibia and fibula both, and torn a lot of the muscle in his lower leg. The doctor says he will need a stabilizer bar and some pins to repair them. He isn't sure if Jake will be able to use it very well. He has a punctured lung, two broken ribs, a mild concussion, and several other minor injuries. Their main concern was the punctured lung and stabilizing the leg. They want to check for internal bleeding as well, sometimes that can happen with broken ribs. So, we wait until they are done patching him up and see what happens next." Billy held out his hand to greet Edward, who had been standing by quietly. "Edward, your dad has been by several times to check on us. He's a good man. And thank you for driving Bella, I was worried about her trying to sneak out by herself and driving here. I was about to send Quil and Embry to come and pick her up instead." Edward nodded at his gratitude.

"Sure, Billy, anything for Bella and Jake. They have too much history for this to not be important to her. I heard his injuries, serious but stuff he can make it through. Jake is a fighter, I ought to know that." He chuckled, obviously remembering all the times he and Jake got into fights as kids. "He'll need some help but he will make a full recovery, I'm sure of it." Billy smiled and nodded.

We all sat down and waited. The endless game of waiting for updates had begun. Carlisle came by twice and gave us some progress details. The doctors had not found any internal bleeding, which was obviously good. They had taped up Jake's ribs and had started repairing the damage done to his leg. That would take the most time, we had another three to four hours to wait for that surgery. We took turns pacing and sitting, reading and drinking terrible coffee. Just when I thought I would lose my mind, Carlisle came and took Billy back to talk to the doctors and see Jake. We sat and waited to try to see him as well.

When Jake was settled into his room we were all allowed to go in and see him two at a time. Quil and Embry allowed Edward and me to go first.

I turned to Edward, trying to draw strength from him. I was not prepared to see Jacob in a hospital bed, in any kind of pain at all, and I knew that was exactly how I was going to find him. Jacob was broken, sore and in need of repair. I drew in a steadying breath and slowly pushed the door to Jacob's room open. Edward slipped his hand on my lower back. I allowed Edward's touch to help me push down the remaining amount of hesitation; I steadied myself for the fight ahead. Jacob would need help making it back to his former self and I would be there to support him the whole way.

I walked over to the open side of Jacob's bed and took his hand. He lay so still, and if not for the beeping of the machines I would think that the doctors had made a mistake. My fingers slid up to his wrist and felt for his pulse, it beat a small, thin rhythm against my fingers. Giving confirmation that he has made it through surgery, but that didn't mean he was out of the woods at all.

Billy was sitting quietly on the far side of the bed, out of the way of the nurses that seemed to endlessly need to check something in the room. He looked years older, his gaze never left Jacob.

Edward stepped over closer to the bed, so he could see Billy as well as Jacob.

"Billy what can we do for you? I know this is a lot to take in but if you can think of anything you need, please let me know. Bella and I both are here to help as much as we can. We have all been friends for too long to allow anything to come between us, especially when one of us needs help." Edward laid his hand on Jacob's leg.

"Edward, you don't know how much I appreciate that from you both. I know that Jacob will need all the help he can get, especially from you and your dad. Your medical knowledge will help us out a lot. It is so hard to understand all that mumbo jumbo sometimes." Billy smiled.

"Anytime, you just call me or have someone page my dad. I mean it, anytime." Edward pulled Jacob's chart off of the side table and flipped through it. He looked over several pages and closed it back up.

"Anything interesting in there?"

"His leg has pins and a metal rod holding it stable, they have taped up his ribs to allow them to heal, everything else is okay. No internal injuries, so he will just need time to heal and rehab that leg. He's really was very lucky." Edward explained to Billy.

"I am so glad." Billy gave in to the tears. Edward walked around to put his hand on Billy's back. I turned to excuse myself from the room to give Billy some time. I slipped down the hall and into the women's restrooms.

I ducked inside to hide for a few minutes to breathe a sigh of relief. I knew that the road ahead for Jacob was not going to be easy but the most important thing was that he was going to be okay with a little hard work and patience. For that I could be thankful.

I cleaned off the few tears of gratitude that fell, washed my hands and slipped back to Jacob's room. I found Carlisle, Edward, Billy, Quil and Embry all laughing at a story Billy was telling about Jacob when he was younger. It felt good to see all aspects of my life, past and present, meshing without any problems.

I walked over to Edward and rested my hand along his back. He turned to put his arm around my waist. I caught the smiles on Quil and Embry's faces. I was glad that this wouldn't be awkward between us.

"Hey, why don't we head out and try to get some sleep, it's been a long night." I turned to speak to Billy, "I'll come back tomorrow and take you home to get something to eat and let you sleep. Edward and I will stay with Jacob. I don't want you trying to do too much, okay?" I walked over and kissed him on his forehead.

"Sure, sure. Tomorrow then."

Carlisle stepped up, "Yeah, I have a few charts to finish before I get to get out of here as well, so goodnight all."

He turned and followed Edward and me out.

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**E/N: Leave me some love or hate, depending upon what you felt with the story! And send me any good songs you think might fit this chapter, I love discovering new music:)**

**A few of you have expressed interest in the next story- Truth, Lies & their Consequences. It is coming, we are working on it, I promise. For those of you who would like it here is a summary for it. **

**Bella and Edward are about to graduate high school and head off to college. Bella stops by the Cullens house to tell Edward her good news and overhears Esme on the phone saying that she is "not sure why he is still with her and she will only hold him back". These few words start Bella's doubts about why Edward was ever with her to begin with and she decides to break up with him so he can fulfill his potential. But along the way Renee and Phil are killed in a plane crash and Bella has to go home to Forks to deal with the deaths. Will she be able to stay away from Edward, and will he allow her to go off without him? This story will have many twists and turns along the way before we see where Edward and Bella end up.**


	21. Chapter 21 I Wish

**A/N: I want to thank all of you new readers, fav'ers, and reviewers! I read them all and respond, so if you have reviewed and not gotten a response from me then I never got it:( I promise! I want to know what you think, so always feel free to let me know!**

**Thanks go to Sonja, Eternally Addicted, mommymac0508, and Blackwolf2dragon. I appreciate you all so much. **

**Playlist:My Wish- Rascal Flatts, Life Ain't Always Beautiful- Gary Allan, Just Want You To Know- Backstreet Boys, She's Gone- Hall & Oates, The Beauty of Who You Are- Marc Broussard, You Get Used To Somebody- Tim McGraw**

**I have a few things to say, but I can wait until after the chapter, so...On with the show...

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I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow, And each road leads you where you want to go;

And if you're faced with the choice and you have to chose, I hope you chose the one that means the most to you;

And if one door opens to another door close, I hope you keep on walking till you find the window;

If it's cold outside, Show the world the warmth of your smile, But more than anything, More than anything;

My wish for you, Is that this life becomes all that you wanted, Your dreams stay big and your worries stay small;

You never need to carry more than you can hold, And while you're out there getting where you're getting to;

I hope you know somebody loves you and wants the same things too, Yes this is my wish.

I hope you never look back, But you never forget all the ones who love you and the place you left;

I hope you always forgive, And you never regret, And you help someone every chance you get;

You'd find God's grace in every mistake, And you always give more than you take, More than anything, Yeah more than anything;

My wish for you, Is that this life becomes all that you wanted, Your dreams stay big and your worries stay small;

You never need to carry more than you can hold, And while you're out there getting where you're getting to;

I hope you know somebody loves you and wants the same things too, Yes this is my wish.

Rascal Flatts- My Wish

Chapter 21-My Wish

Bella's POV

I rested my head against the headrest of Edward's Volvo. The anxiety of the evening along with the long hours had made me so tired. Edward rested his hand on my knee, and I slid mine over top of his. A smile was my reward for the small gesture.

"Let's get you home, baby, and we can get some sleep. I'm sure glad you don't have to go to work today, you look exhausted."

"Thanks, you always were such a sweet talker. You know how to make the ladies feel so good." He snickered at my comeback.

I don't remember the drive home, or how I got into the house. I only remember feeling Edward slide into bed behind me and pulling me close to his chest.

"Goodnight, angel, sweet dreams." He kissed my temple and I drifted back off into peaceful world of slumber.

When I woke much later, Edward was no longer in bed with me. His side of the bed felt cool to the touch. I assumed he had been gone for some time. I slid out of bed and shuffled to the shower. I could tell by the bright sunshine coming in the window that I had slept much longer than I should have, but I still felt so tired. Exhaustion has not cleared my mind nor had it left my body.

I quickly dressed in my room and jogged down the stairs, anxious to see Edward again. I could hear voices coming from the newly finished kitchen. They must be congregating around the coffee pot. There wasn't much else in that room that any of them knew how to use. I hesitated for a second right outside the door, I could hear their voices as they spoke, much lower than normal. It seemed odd.

"What the fuck, Edward, you take her in the middle of the night to see Jacob, in the hospital. Did you forget that he is her ex-boyfriend? Forget that, he's her ex-lover that she lived with. You don't even know what all he has done to her, and you take her up there to see him because he got his dumb ass drunk and crashed his car? You are so stupid." Emmett stated matter of fact.

I was already in motion to crash through the door. How dare Emmett question what Edward and I did, or question our relationship? I would kick his ass.

"Em, first of all Jacob is more than an ex boyfriend. He and Bella grew up together, he means more to her. Don't start with me, you know what I mean. He has been a friend to all of us for ages. He was hurt and he is like family to Bella. She wanted to go, so I took her there. I can't force her to stay with me, Em. If she still loves him, there's nothing that I can do that will change that. She will need to figure that out for herself. Do I want her to love him? Hell no! I want her by my side for the rest of my life, and I swear, Emmett, if you start making fucking jokes right now I will kick your ass." I could hear a little scuffling around in the kitchen and I was sure it was Edward and Emmett giving their inner children free reign. Jasper spoke up before it got too out of hand.

"Boys, chill. First, Esme will kill you if you all mess up this kitchen, and second, handle yourselves like you are adults. Damn you two act like fucking two year olds sometimes." Jasper paused for a minute and I heard the cabinet door open and close as he began to speak again, "Edward, I think you did the right thing. You are exactly right, Bella has to make up her mind and seeing Jacob isn't going to sway her if she is not in love with him anymore. In fact, it would do the opposite. If she spends some time with Jake , even if it is just as his friend, it will make her see what she has with you. Now, Emmett, keep your fool advice to yourself and don't fuck this up for him. Edward, don't listen to a thing he has to say. When it comes to relationships he is a dumbass. He's lucky Rose loves him enough to put up with his shit." Someone snorted at that comment.

"You got that right." I could hear Rosalie's voice float through the closed door.

"What the fuck, you gonna throw me under the bus? I must not be too bad at this relationship thing; we have been together for a long time." He retorted, I could practically see Rosalie rolling her eyes at him.

"No, baby, you got that wrong. I am the one that is not so bad at this relationship thing, you just do what I tell you to do and therefore we're fine."

"Awww, babe, come on!" Emmett responded, I could see this was going to go nowhere fast. Just then Edward spoke up.

"Look, all of this discussion is fine and all but really it's up to Bella and I what we do about this. She hasn't given me any reason to doubt her, so I'm good. I'll take her to see Jake if that makes her happy, and trust her until she gives me a reason not to. She said that Jacob was ready to move on as well. So why should he make a play for her now? Besides, he has always been a ladies' man, I never understood why the two of them ended up together anyway. Bella, just didn't seem like his type at all."

"Oh yeah, right you Mr. Ladies'-Man-of-the-Year, calling out Jacob as a ladies' man. That's a little hypocritical, don't you think?" Emmett snorted.

"Why the hell do all of you think that I'm such a ladies' man? That's not the first time that I've heard this comment. So, let's get this out in the open." Edward shot back.

"Oh, come on Edward. You seriously don't think that we didn't hear all of those stories in high school before you started dating Tanya. We heard about Jessica, Lauren and all of their little skanky friends. All I can say, brother, is that I hope you kept it covered. Seriously, those girls are way beneath you. I guess when you're horny you will take whatever you can get."

Rosalie spilled all of the details that broke my heart so many times in high school. Each time I heard a new girl's name attached to Edward a small piece of my heart chipped off and left me feeling inadequate.

I heard his fists slam against the counter top, "You all have got to be kidding me! You really believed those rumors. I never touched any of those girls, they made it all up. The closest I got to any of them was feeling Lauren Mallory up. Jessica came busting into the locker room and interrupted us, so that stopped us. That only happened because she was wearing that short pink skirt and that white shirt you could see her bra through. I lost my virginity to Tanya, there was no one before her. I don't care what anyone has to say about it. I was definitely there and it did not happen!" Edward shouted at the group.

"Hey, don't be mad at us for believing the rumors that you never put a stop to. You could have told us way back then and we would have had your back. None of us would have spilled your secrets, and then we would have known the truth." Alice said calmly, very unlike her usual demeanor.

I had heard enough. I don't know why it was pick on Edward day, but I was going to put a stop to it. I turned and crept back up the stairs to the first landing. Then I stomped back down so they could all hear me coming.

Edward poked his head out of the kitchen door.

"Hey, angel, you sleep well?" He stalked towards me, lord, it was illegal to look that good without a single minute spent on actually trying to look that good.

"Perfect, but waking up was not so good." I frowned at him. "You were gone."

"Sorry, I was getting restless waiting for you to wake up, so I came down and made some coffee. It's really good too." His proud smile stretched across his face.

I pulled him in for a hug, he deserved some reassurance that someone was on his side today.

"Hey, thanks for last night. I really appreciate it." I smiled back at him, hoping to relay my thanks with words and actions.

"It was no big thing, really." He ducked his head down to my shoulder and nuzzled into my neck.

"Of course it was. Not many people would have had the confidence to take their girlfriend to her ex-boyfriend's bedside in the hospital. I really want you to know that I don't have any feelings for Jacob other than friendship. Your confidence in me is amazing, thank you for showing me how much you trust me." It warmed my heart to know that he did trust me and stood up to his family for me.

"Anything for you! I love you, Bella."

"I love you too."

Edward leaned down and kissed me. I felt his love and trust pour out of him with each touch of his lips to mine.

"Why don't we get out of here for a little while, I know everyone else wants to see you but I need some alone time with you." I pleaded with him.

"That is a great idea. How soon can you be ready?" He asked.

"Give me five minutes, I need to put on some shoes and grab my purse. What did you have in mind?"

"What if we take a drive over to the ferry and ride across to Vancouver? That will take up most of the day, then we can have dinner out. When we get back here to Forks we can go and see Jacob. We both have had so much going on that it would be nice to just be you and me for the day."

I loved the idea.

Within twenty minutes we had both were out the door with all we would need for the day. Edward called Carlisle and Esme while I grabbed us some coffee and pastries. I spoke with Esme for a few minutes and filled her in on what we could do for Billy. We agreed to wait until Jacob came home from the hospital and then we could cook and clean for them both. In the meantime, Billy was staying at the hospital with Jacob, so he was easy to take care of. Quil and Embry, along with Sue Clearwater, were making sure that he was well fed while he was there.

When we hung up with Carlisle and Esme, I called Billy to check in. He told me how Jacob had improved during the night and was able to sit up for a short time this morning. Jacob was still very sore and groggy from all of the pain medications, but the doctors were impressed by the small amount of movements he had done so far. I made sure that Billy had Edward's and my cell number just in case he needed us and I told him we would be by this evening when we got back.

When we boarded the ferry we both agreed that we wanted to sit out on the deck and enjoy the sunny day. We moved all the way to the front and sat facing the view of Vancouver. Edward wrapped his arms around me and we sat huddled together. After our long separation, neither of us wanted to be that far apart from each other.

"Edward, I have something I need to tell you." He turned and looked at me, his face took on a very serious look.

"Should I be worried?"

"I don't think that it is anything to worry about, I just want you to know about it." His face relaxed with those words.

"Sure, angel, tell me."

"Well…Jacob called me last night after we got home from the restaurant. I went to my room to grab something to wear to sleep in and I saw that I had missed a call on my cell. When I picked it up, it rang again. It was Jacob, I answered it. We talked for a while. He started off a little angry and accusing, but he eventually calmed down and we were able to talk. He was having some doubts about us breaking up. Before you get worried, I don't have any doubts at all, so calm down and just listen to me. After listening to him for a while I realized that he kept complaining about missing things that we had together. He missed companionship, not me. He never once said that he wanted me, my body, or any of our physical relationship. He was lonely. I explained that I was sorry for leaving him alone, and not even checking in on him. I needed the time to figure out how to change the relationship back to just friends again. That left him all alone. I told him about us and how I was sure that what we had was different than anything that he and I had. I feel more for you now than I did for him. It's a different kind of love, I am sure about that. He wasn't happy to hear that, but I felt like he needed to know. I didn't want him to think that there was a chance for us to be a couple again. Was I wrong to do that to him?"

"Bella, you were right. He needed to know, it would only hurt him more to hold out for hope that wasn't there at all. What did he say when you told him, is that when he got angry?" I could see Edward trying to restrain himself and keep a cool head about the conversation.

"No, he seemed to actually settle down after that. He agreed that maybe he was missing a relationship and someone to share with, not me. I feel bad, I knew he was drinking and I still allowed him to drive. He assured me that he wasn't drunk at all, and it had been a few hours since he had a drink. Oh, Edward!" I sobbed, the guilt of my actions causing me to dissolve into tears.

"Bella, don't be silly. Jacob is an adult, he has been drinking for years and to be honest he can drink most of us under the table. He holds his drinks well. You can't control him over the phone, he did what he did. Not you. You had no control over him. I am sure that it was just an accident. It is really foggy sometimes on that road to La Push. You can't feel any guilt, promise me." He lifted my chin to look into my eyes. I nodded at him, his words sounding right to my head, but my heart still wished for a way to change what happened to my friend.

"My head knows this, Edward, but my heart wishes for another way. It wishes that I could change things for him. He is already hurting and now he is hurt physically. I'm sorry for dumping this on you, I'm sure this is hard for you to talk about with me."

"I will talk about anything that you want to. I would rather you be honest with me and share what you are feeling. I don't want another relationship that is based on lies, and not telling the truth is basically a lie."

We sat silent for a while, Edward still held me and I was happy staying put on his lap.

"Edward, you never told me how it was that Dr. Ward let you come home early."

Edward chuckled. He took a deep breath and blew it out. He needed to share this with me, but I knew it took a lot of courage for him to share his failures with me. He began with a shaky voice, "We talked about the weekend we spent in Seattle together, and we talked about the difference in our relationship as opposed to the relationship that I had with Tanya. He made me see that what Tanya and I had was based on lies from the start. She was never really honest with me and I don't think that I was with her either. We both latched onto what we thought would make us happy. I was in love with the idea of love and building a future like Esme and Carlisle. Tanya only wanted someone to take care of her and make her the center of their world. I would never have been happy with that. I wanted a partner and Tanya was not that. She was more like a child for me to take care of. I realized that we were not in love, we were comfortable." He let out a mix of a chuckle and sigh.

I also let out a sigh of my own; his admission was somewhat cathartic for me as well. "You don't have to explain that to me, I'm in touch with that emotion. That is exactly what I realized with Jacob. I loved him like family, like a brother. I was too afraid to be alone like Charlie and too afraid of bouncing from one person to another to find the right one like Renee. I settled for someone I knew was comfortable and would care for me. It was wrong I know, but it felt right at the time. At that time, I had never felt true love. Now, I do." Edward's face lit up with his grin and leaned down to kiss me. "I think he sees what we had for what it really was now. He agreed that we needed to be friends but nothing more. I hope he finds someone else to love, Edward. I do want him happy."

We spent all day in Vancouver, just enjoying the warm day and each other. We took time to talk more about his talks with Dr. Ward and what we wanted from our future. Where we wanted to settle down and how many kids we wanted. It felt strange to talk about this so early on in our relationship, but at the same time it felt right to talk about it. We discussed careers and if Edward would specialize. We ate and shopped until we were both tired. We drove back to the ferry to make our way home. We slid into a bench seat and huddled up together to take a quick nap.

We woke up when we docked on our side of the 49th parallel. Edward and I drove back to Forks in silence. We stopped once again to eat dinner and bring some decent food back to the hospital for Billy and Jacob. I was anxious to get to the hospital to see Jacob. I knew this time he would be ready to see me and talk since he had been waiting for me most of the day.

Edward and I slid in quietly, after the nurse told us that Jacob was sleeping again. Edward helped Billy get down to the cafeteria so he could eat and to give Jacob and me some privacy.

"Call me when you are ready for Billy and I to head back up, okay?" Edward asked as I nodded my acceptance.

I sat for a while and watched Jacob sleep; he looked so peaceful. No pain marred his face and it was easy to pretend that he was simply sleeping and not recovering from massive injuries. I took his hand and settled into the chair beside his bed. He shifted several times and finally woke.

"Bells, how long have you been here? Why didn't you wake me?"

"Jacob, why in the world would I wake you? You need your rest, so no more fussing about it. I am here and you are awake now. So, why don't you tell me what the hell happened and how you got hurt?" I tried to look stern, almost mother hen scolding her chicks, but I don't think it worked because Jacob's face took on a large grin.

"You sure must be pissed off at me, since I assured you that I was not drunk. Believe it or not, this was not my fault. I came around the bend in the road and another car had slid out of his lane and into mine. I swerved to miss him and ended up hitting the guardrail. I promise it was not my fault at all. I knew you would be so mad at me for this."

"You're so right, I was so mad at you. Edward kept me from beating you last night but he isn't here to protect you now, is he?" I swooped in to attack him, when he winced and grabbed his side. I immediately slid back into my seat beside his hospital bed.

"Do I need to call the nurse for you?" I asked him.

He simply nodded.

I pressed the button and informed the nurse that Jacob was awake and in pain. She came in and injected a shot into his IV to help with his pain. She checked his vital signs and left the room. He had settled down after his injection.

"We brought you some food to eat, good stuff, not hospital issued crap," I joked.

"No kidding, bring it on. I am really hungry but didn't want to eat that stuff they brought on the dinner tray. I didn't want to ask my dad to try to get me something else; he has a hard enough time getting around here without the extra burden of carrying food."

I was setting his food out on his tray as he attempted to sit up. I called the nurse again and she helped me to get him in a comfortable position and he ate somewhat slow, but still managed to finish it all. I suggested that Carlisle could possibly bring him some food when he came in or when he stopped for lunch. Jacob hummed around his mouthful of food, so I assumed that he liked the idea.

I knew anytime he would be getting groggy again from the pain medications, so I dove right into the talk that I wanted to have with him.

"Jacob, are we okay after our talk last night?"

"You know, Bella, I really think we are. I thought about what you said after I left my house and I think you are right. I miss the companionship but not necessarily you. Sorry, that sounds really rude and hurtful to say it, but I think you know what I mean." I nodded at him. He took my hand and held it against his chest. "I can't argue with the love that showed in both your and Edward's eyes in the few seconds before I saw you at the restaurant. You never looked at me that way, Bella, and to be honest I don't think I looked at you that way either. I see that what we had was good but there is better out there for each of us. Don't you worry about me, I will find mine someday." I leaned over and kissed Jacob's forehead.

"I was talking with Edward and he made a good point. He mentioned that perhaps we were falling in love with what our ideas were and not the actual person in the relationship. You thought that you were falling in love with your best friend like your mom and dad, I thought that I was doing my best to go middle of the road of what Charlie and Renee did. But in fact we were doing the wrong things for both of us. We were in love with the idea of love, and not in love with each other. Not that kind of love anyway." He looked away from me for a while. When he chose to look back he wore a small smile. I couldn't tell if it was the medications or heartbreak that caused the smile to look wrong on his face.

He was just starting to flutter his eyes closed when Edward and Billy came back into the room.

"Sorry guys, I had to come back up and check my blood sugar. Can't let it get out of control and end up here in this hospital right beside dear old crippled boy here." Billy laughed.

"It's okay, Jacob here woke up, consumed some pain medications and ate like a horse. He is ready for a nap again. Hey, you're kinda like an overgrown child, you eat, sleep, poop, and sleep some more." We all laughed at Jacob's expense.

Jacob realized that Edward was in the room as well; he had been hanging back closer to the door.

"Edward, get in here. Don't stand around like you don't belong here." Jacob called to him. Edward came over to Jacob's side and grasped his hand.

"How are you feeling?" Edward asked.

"Like I've been hit by a bus to be honest."

"I'm just glad that it wasn't worse, I know that stretch of road and it is pretty bad out there sometimes. Not a lot of people walk away from accidents there."

"Yeah, they told Embry that if it had happened about fifty feet further down the road, where the guard rail is out that I could have plunged down the embankment and they probably wouldn't have carried me away from that one." All the talk of Jacob almost dying made me feel sick to my stomach.

The door to the room opened and Jacob's doctor walked in to check on him. Edward talked with him for a few minutes and then we made our way back out of the room again. We promised to see both Billy and Jacob tomorrow.

When we got back to the house it was silent, a note left saying that everyone had gone to Carlisle and Esme's for the night. It was nice to have more silence. Too many emotions and feelings were running around in my head to process external stimulus if I didn't have to. Edward must have understood because he stayed as quite as possible as well. We showered together, he held me and allowed the water to purge all of the pain and frustration for my friend. I wanted to celebrate the happiness that Edward and I had fought to keep with each other, and tonight would be the last time I would cry over someone else while he held me. I made a promise to him and to myself that after tonight we moved on.

Edward dried us both off and we walked to bed, I liked the constant contact of his body to mine that he maintained. I needed his touch to ground me and remind me of all the good things I had in my life. They were all focused around this house. My love with Edward, my friends, the parents that took me in after Charlie died, they were everything that was important to me.

I turned as I sat down on the bed and lay back to rest in the center. I pulled Edward down with me. I needed his touch, his caress, his assurances that we were in this together. He stretched out his body and pressed it close to mine. His heat warming my body from the outside in. I laid flat on my back and he on his side facing me, his hand reached across my body to hold my hip.

"I love you more than I can express right now. Thank you for always knowing what I want and need." I whispered as I turned and kissed his mouth. His hand on my hip pulled me closer. Tonight there would be no drawn out teasing, no foreplay games. Tonight was about me needing his strength to assure me he was mine and I was his. We were past the bullshit and we had made it to this point and I was happy to be here.

Edward pushed up on his elbow and pushed me back against the bed. He moved over me and settled in right where I needed him. I opened my legs and wrapped them around him holding him as close as he could get to me. He took my hands and interlocked them with his own. They came to rest right beside me on either side of my face as Edward slowly slid into me. This felt right, it made me feel whole. It took away all of the pain and sadness of my life and replaced it with hope and love. I could feel Edward's love filling me. His slow rhythm allowed us to maintain contact from our foreheads down to our hips. Our legs tangled and moved to give us leverage against each other. Our eyes were locked on each other's; this was making love. Our souls were touching and merging.

"We have made it this far, baby, I will make your life so good for you. I promise." Edward whispered to me. I nodded as tears of a different kind slid from the corners of my eyes.

"We are made for each other, I can feel it. You and me are supposed to be here together. I love you, Bella. So much, I can't even express it most of the time. I love you." His words were causing the slow burning fire to jump to life. I tightened my grip on his hands. His strokes became harder and deeper. Stoking the fire and building it into a full fledged blaze.

"I love you, Edward, oh if you knew how much. I am yours completely. I can't turn back, everything I have belongs to you, my heart, my soul, my thoughts, everything."

"Yes, Bella. You and Me. That's all there is right now, you and me."

My body contracted and twisted into the delicious sensations. It was pain and pleasure all mixed together, brought on by Edward's words for me. His body slowed and pulled me along with him to a new place, I could feel the peaks and descents that he alone took me to. Our bodies were working together to give and take, heart and soul, two bodies joined to make one. He joined me in pleasure as I felt his rhythm falter and his body contracting. I knew he was the right one without a doubt.

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**E/N: I wanted to know what everyone thinks of the songs! I love finding new songs or even new artists that I hadn't heard before. So, share a song or artist that owns you this week! Please, I may use it next week. **

**A few fic rec's:Somewhere in Between by Kassiah~she doesn't need me to pimp out her fic, but I can't help it. It is just so good. I think this may be the first time I wanna stab Edward Cullen to death. Go read it you will see why!**

**Worth the Burn by My Bella~Edward is so lovable in this fic, and Bella is a little different than normal. Every so often you need a little difference to spice up your life!**

**And lastly, Off Limits by lexiecullen17~I read this fic so quickly. Actually, read is the wrong word, I devoured this fic. It has a really hot rocker Edward that is so good to Bella and a sweet songtress Bella that is trying to find out how to make it work for them. I love it so much:)**

**Guess that's all for now folks...don't forget to review!**


	22. Chapter 22 This I Know

**A/N:I am so sorry for not getting my teaser posted today:( Please tell me you all will forgive me, It won't happen again!Okay good, thanks for that!**

**Thanks go to all of the usual suspects- Sonja, Eternally Addicted, mommymac0508, blackwolf2dragoon, campcathryn, 1sparklygirl,AnUnbrokenHorse aka Rushton Elf, and Hope4More. You all rock my world~thank you for your skills and wonderful words. I am blown away by you all:)**

**Playlist:This I Know-Sam & Ruby(seriously go and check these two out, they are sooo good!), Ready to Love Again- Lady Antebellum, Better as a Memory- Kenny Chesney, If This Is Goodbye- Lifehouse, One Day You Will- Lady Antebellum**

**On with the show...**

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Who can say why we get caught in the thrill of testing ourselves,

We've been saying something, that could be pretty mean and now we've got to heal

I know what's right and what's wrong, I won't let this foolishness make you say you're gone

It's your love that makes me feel high

This I know, this I know, nobody can say otherwise,

It's your smile that helps me get by

This I know, this I know, every time I wanna cry

Never see things for plain, 'cause there's a lot we can learn from taking a breath

So let's not get in the way, where the truth is concerned and need a place to rest

So look to me like I do you, I would not say all these things if they were not true

It's your love that makes me feel high

This I know, this I know, nobody can say otherwise

It's your smile that helps me get by

This I know, this I know, every time I wanna cry

The heart knows where it belongs and mine's only home when it is safe inside your arms

It's your love that makes me feel high

This I know, this I know, nobody can say otherwise

It's your smile that helps me get by

This I know, this I know, every time I wanna cry

Sam & Ruby- This I Know

Chapter 22- This I Know

Edward's POV

I can't believe that life could be so good. Well actually, life with Bella could be so good. It was amazing. She understands and still supports me after everything I have put her through, and most importantly she loves me. These last two weeks have been amazing. Spending every free moment with Bella, doing such simple shit, but doing it together.

We have been to see Jacob almost every day and I hate to say it, but he really is a good guy. I can't be angry at him for what happened. I think that I would feel the same way if I let Bella go. I certainly understand where he was coming from.

I had begun to see the changes in Jacob and how he treats Bella now, it's like their relationship has changed and it looks more like it did back in high school. Okay, it looks like it did before they tried to date. I can see his eyes light up when Bella comes into the room but not in a lustful way. He now looks at her with love and adoration, but it's different now because I've seen those same looks on the faces of my brothers. I'm proud of Bella for knowing how to help Jacob but at the same time keeping her distance from him. He doesn't cringe anymore when we walk in together, and that has helped him and I repair our friendship as well.

Jacob admitted to me about a week ago how hard it was on him when he and Bella broke up. In one fell swoop he lost his love and his friends. Sure he still had his friends from the Rez, but living in Forks made it hard for him to see them on a regular basis. He has grown closer to my brothers and sisters because of when he and Bella had lived together.

I had always thought Jake was a decent guy, so now I was glad that we could develop our friendship. I was still wishing for someone to fill the void Bella left. That was the one thing that would wipe away all of my doubts in this regard.

Bella was excited that we would be helping Jacob and Billy get home today. In truth, we were just driving them to Jacob's apartment and helping Billy get Jacob settled. His private nurse would be over shortly after that to take over Jacob's care and help Billy during the day. Bella was so excited to find out that Carlisle had helped arrange for Nessie to come over and make sure that Jacob was doing everything to make his recovery as quick as possible.

It took us forever to get Jacob into Esme's Suburban and everything else loaded. The trip to Jacob's apartment was rather quick, and silent. I could see the worry etched on Billy's face, the hesitation on Jacob's and the fear on Bella's.

I pulled Bella aside when we arrived and held her close to me. I wanted to make sure that she was okay.

"Hey, Angel, tell me what's wrong," I gently prompted her.

"It's nothing really; I just haven't been back here since I moved out. I am just a little apprehensive that's all."

"Don't you worry, it will be fine. We don't have to stay that long. Let's just get Jacob and Billy settled and we can go." I tried to smile and reassure her. The smile she gave me in return didn't show any confidence what so ever.

I pushed Jacob out of the elevator; Bella had the door to the apartment open and was talking to a woman about our age in the doorway.

"If that is my nurse, this might not be such a long eight weeks after all," Jacob commented, taking in her slight frame and long dark hair.

"See, things work out after all," I replied to him, while patting his shoulder.

"Well, speak of the devils, here they are. Jacob this is Nessie, your nurse." Bella stepped out of the way so I could push Jacob into the apartment with Bella and Nessie following us.

Nessie took Jacob to get him settled and check on his leg. The small amount of activity had wiped him out and he was barely able to say goodbye to us as we left with a promise to be back tomorrow so Bella could shop for him and Billy.

My phone rang as we stepped out of the elevator into the parking garage, so I handed Bella the keys for her to drive. We silently switched sides of the car as I answered my phone.

"Hello."

"Edward, this is Dr. Johnson, how are you?" I was shocked to be speaking with him again so soon. I still had two weeks before I had to show up to start at Seattle Memorial.

"I'm fine, sir. How are you?" I decided to let him lead the conversation.

"Just fine, thank you for asking. Listen, I am calling for two reasons. One is great, one not so great. Which one do you want first?"

"Give me the not so great news first. Let's start there and work back to the good stuff." Bella turned to face me when she heard my words. Concern was written all over her face.

"Well, my boy, I am calling to ask you to come to Seattle the first of next week. I need you to start sooner than I originally thought. Now, on to the good news, first I have a two of the top Neurosurgeons in the world that will be at Seattle memorial over the next two weeks. I would like for you to work with them for the two weeks they are here. Then I have worked it out with the Chief of Staff at Forks General for you to do most of your rotations there. That should save on your commute time, don't you think?" He chuckled.

"Uh…wow…I don't even know what to say. That is fantastic to hear. Yeah, I will be there first thing Monday morning. Thanks Dr. Johnson. Wait, you talked to the Chief of Staff? That's Carlisle. When did you two discuss this? He didn't say anything to me about this." I was utterly speechless; I could do my Residency in Forks and not be away from Bella at all. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect situation.

"I guess you aren't as in the know as you think you are. Call me if you have any problems, and I will see you Monday morning. Bright and early, Edward."

"You got it, sir, no problem. See you then." Bella looked absolutely terrified. The words I said must have scared her, Monday morning.

"Bella, I have great news." Before I could even continue, she burst into tears.

"How is this great, you are leaving for Seattle on Monday? That is two weeks earlier than we had planned. How is that great?" She all but shouted.

"Angel, wait. Let me explain. I do have to leave and be in Seattle on Monday morning. But, I'm only going to be in Seattle for two weeks and then I will be back in Forks. Dr. Johnson says that they have two of the top Neurosurgeons in the world visiting Seattle for the next two weeks and he wants me there while they are visiting. But…after those two weeks I can come back to Forks General and do the rest of my rotations here in town. So, even though I have to go early, I will be back so much faster and get to stay with you. I can sleep in your arms as much as possible, that's the great part!" I hoped she saw the good parts of this plan and not just the part about me leaving this weekend.

"Well, that doesn't sound too bad. At least it will only be for two weeks. We can do that, right? We have done longer before. It just hurts, I feel like I just got you home with me. I was really looking forward to spending that time with you."

"I know, but I will trade two weeks away for months of being with you. I promise we will have nothing but fun this weekend, I promise."

Bella's phone rang and saved me from anymore promises. She reached in her handbag and handed the phone to me to answer.

"Hello."

"Edward? Are the two of you joined at the hip now or what? Why are you answering Bella's phone?" Alice spat at me.

"Bella is driving, so she gave me the phone to answer. We are about ten minutes from Carlisle and Esme's, so you can either talk to me now or wait ten minutes to talk to her. Which one do you want?" I knew my sister's level of impatience would never allow her to wait ten minutes, so I was already prepared when she launched into her plans for the evening for us.

"Well, it is 80's night at the karaoke bar. And Thursday's are half price pitchers of beer, so Emmett and Jasper want to go and sing karaoke tonight. You two in?" She baited.

"Hold on and I'll ask Bella." I put my hand over the phone and turned to Bella, "Bella, it's 80's night at karaoke bar and half price pitchers of beer, so do you want to go?"

"I guess so, sounds like fun." Bella hesitated to answer and didn't seem real sure of her answer when the words did leave her mouth.

"Don't just say yes, we don't have to go. It's no big deal, we can stay at home."

"No, we'll go. You need to spend time with everyone else as well, we have been spending a lot of time together. So, let's go and have a great time with everyone." She smiled and seemed to be warming up to the idea.

"Okay, Alice, Bella says we're in. We have Esme's Suburban, do you want us to swing by and get everyone? We can all grab a bite to eat and then head over?"

"Sounds good, I will have Emmett and Jasper meet us here at the shop. You can pick us all up here. What time will you be ready?" Alice questioned.

Bella and I stopped by Carlisle and Esme's house. I wanted to discuss the recent changes to my Residency schedule with Carlisle and get his take on the development. I was nervous to find out how much input Carlisle may have had in this decision.

Bella and Esme had wandered off to look at a new kitchen design Esme was working on. That left Carlisle and me in the family room, half watching the baseball game that was on and half discussing how our day was going.

"Can I ask you something?" I sat forward and leaned my forearms on my knees. I was nervous about Carlisle's answer and not sure if I wanted to hear the answer to my next question. However in the long run I knew I needed to know even if I might not like the answer. Either way I had feelings, and either way I would doubt myself. I made a note to discuss these doubts with the psychiatrist I started seeing here in town. Surely he could help give me some insight on how I felt.

I nervously cleared my throat and spoke, "I got a phone call earlier this evening from Dr. Johnson at Seattle Memorial. He wants me to come in on Monday morning and start a two week rotation with two visiting Neurosurgeons."

Curious as to what his reaction would be, I sat back to wait on Carlisle's response to this fact. I would let him reveal what he knew and go from there.

"I heard that Dr. Gill and Dr. Naysmith would be in Seattle. I have read several of the articles that they have published. I can't believe the advances the two of them are responsible for in their area. True geniuses-that's what they are. It's exciting to hear that Dr. Johnson thought of bringing you in to study with them. I'm very proud of you, son." His response seemed genuine and not forced at all, which of course did not help my case. Maybe he had no idea about the Forks move at all. Maybe I was jumping to conclusions and allowing my lack of confidence to creep into places it has no right to be.

I sat back deeper into the couch and took a deep breath.

"Edward, are you nervous about this? I know this is sooner than you wanted to head back to Seattle but you can't pass up an opportunity like this. You may never get to see these men again, much less study under them. Please tell me you are not thinking of staying home." Carlisle sat forward, the panic clearly written on his face. He was misunderstanding my hesitancy.

"No, never would I turn down an opportunity as big as this and I don't think that Bella would allow me to either. That's not what is bothering me." I left it hanging, letting Carlisle take the next step on his own.

"Then tell me what has you looking so lost, because it is clearly weighing on you. I can see it all over your face."

"Dr. Johnson said I would be at Seattle for two weeks, and then I would come back to Forks to finish most of my rotations here at Forks General. I don't know how I feel about that." I dropped my head and stared at the floor for a few seconds. I wanted to choose my words carefully. I didn't want to hurt Carlisle's feelings but I needed to know if he had influenced Dr. Johnson's decision to transfer me to Forks General.

I knew that he would see right through me if I were anything but honest with him. When we were kids he could always see through all of us if we tried to pull anything on him. With that in mind, I opted to take the direct approach. Biting the bullet I asked, "Did you ask Dr. Johnson to move me here?"

Carlisle drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I won't lie to you Edward, I told Dr. Johnson how happy I would be to have you at Forks General. But did I call him and ask him to bring you here? No I did not."

I sat back and just nodded my head. I felt awful for even asking him to explain himself to me, but I also felt relieved. I knew without a doubt that he had nothing but the best intentions for me and my career. His face lit up every time we discussed my classes or my medicine. He was every bit the proud father and I hated that I had questioned him on it at all.

Carlisle spoke up again, softer this time. "Edward, would you have been upset if I had made the call and asked for you to come here?" I could hear the difference in his voice, I wasn't sure if it was pain, regret or just anger. It was something, but I just couldn't put my finger on the exact emotion.

I dropped my chin down onto my shoulder and just nodded.

"Why, son, tell me." His voice sounded clear and understanding. I glanced up at him and he was waiting on me, his face a blank mask.

"I'm not sure. I just doubt myself so much right now. I know that my head says the Tanya situation should be behind me by now and I should move on. But until I jump that hurdle for myself I can't make my heart believe that part. I should be confident and ready to kick ass, to show the world what I have spent years learning. But I still have that small piece of doubt. I want to know that I got where I am because I am good enough, that I did what I needed to impress people and get myself ahead. And it will always make me worry that you pulled strings and got me here. I will question myself even more, I will always think that you made this happen, not my abilities. I can't have that doubt in my head. I am working hard to get rid of what is there, I can't allow myself to add to it. I don't mean to hurt you at all; I swear I am so thankful for all you have done for me. And I am proud for people to know that I am your son, but I have to do this myself. I can't walk in your shadow. I will drive myself insane with doubt." I flopped back against the couch again, feeling so foolish for having these feelings.

"Edward, I would never do anything like that to you. Did I ever tell you about the time that my dad tried to get me to go to seminary school, so I could be a minister like him?" I just shook my head no at him.

"He wanted me to be like him and while I loved what he did for people, it wasn't the kind of helping I wanted to do. My heart was in medicine and he couldn't understand that at all. He was so mad at me for going to med school. We didn't speak for a long time, and when I finally did come home for summer break it was tense between us. I stayed for most of the summer and worked to earn more money so I wouldn't have to ask him for any. I was on my way home from work one afternoon and saw a car accident happen. I rushed over and did what I could to help the one guy that was still alive. He was bleeding out and quickly. I made a tourniquet and slowed the blood just long enough to allow the ambulance to get there and I rode in the ambulance and held pressure on his wound. When I left the hospital, I was covered in blood, sore, tired and walking on air. I had made a difference in a man's life." I couldn't wait to feel that feeling, to know that because of me a man was alive. I smiled in anticipation of Carlisle's next words.

"He was alive because I followed the path I wanted to follow. Nothing my dad said was going to change my mind from that day on. Two days later the man's wife showed up at our door carrying their two month old baby. She brought us some food. She wanted to thank us in the only way she knew how. She cried and thanked me. She said that if her husband would have died she would have been on her own. She had no other family, she was an orphan. It would have been hard for her to work and take care of her small baby." Carlisle dropped his head, the emotions of that day still weighed on his soul. Clearly his compassion was a large part of who he was.

"I saw my dad's face change. He understood that while I wasn't saving people's souls I was still saving them, saving their lives. Who knows what that man went on to be, maybe a minister himself. My dad never questioned me again and supported me 100% from then on. I would never step in and take control of any of your lives. I know how that feels and I would not wish that on any of you." I felt guilty for calling Carlisle out for this. If he had influenced Dr. Johnson in any way it was done out of love for me. Out of a need to have me close and certainly I could complain about the fact that I would get to be close to Bella as well as all of my other family. I dropped my head and stared at the ground. I felt like a child that had realized his mistake, but couldn't do anything to fix it or take it back.

"Dr. Johnson called me and invited me to come to the brunch they were having for Dr. Gill and Dr. Naysmith. I told him I would be glad to come and he mentioned that he asked you to come in early. I expressed my happiness that you would be able to work with two of the leaders in their field. He also asked me about you coming to Forks. He said he thought that distance and being away from home would wear you out fast. I told him that I would be more than happy for you to come and work with me. He offered to oversee your residency and cover the costs for you to be at Forks. Forks General would never be able to cover that expense without extra meetings and uping the budget. So, in a sense you still will be at Seattle Memorial but working most of the time at Forks General. In the areas that we don't see many cases you will go back to Seattle but for the most part I can guarantee that you will see almost as much here as you would there. It keeps me busy, that is for sure." He chuckled. I did as well. I felt at peace again and happy that Carlisle understood my feelings.

"I'm sorry for ever doubting you, ever. I know deep down that you would never do anything that wasn't in my best interest. I am such a self centered jerk. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Son, don't be silly. There is nothing to forgive. I understand wanting to do this your way, and I make you this promise. I will never interfere without talking with you first again. Deal?" He held out his hand and I reached out to take it. He pulled me in for a hug and I gladly allowed myself to be pulled in.

Bella and Esme walked into the family room during our hug.

"Whoa, what is going on in here? I think we should leave these two to their make out session." Esme laughed at Bella's joke and we pulled away from each other.

"I hate to interrupt the love fest but we have to get going to go and pick everyone up for dinner." Bella smirked at her own joke.

"Yeah, we are going to dinner and to sing karaoke, do you two want to join us?" I offered to Esme and Carlisle.

"Count me out, I am exhausted. Long day and all I can think of is a shower and getting to bed." Carlisle yawned to punctuate his comment.

"I will call for a rain-check, I want to see your father. He has been working for three days straight and I need a little alone time with him." Esme bobbed her eyebrows at us and I threw up a little in my mouth. There was no way in hell that I wanted to imagine Carlisle and Esme wrapped up in each other's arms doing all of the things that I had done with Bella. That was beyond what we could share within our relationship.

"Esme, you have to stop right there!" I threw my hands up over my ears to protect them for anything further that she wanted to share. Bella was laughing at us, her head thrown back and joy written all over her face. I wanted to take her in my arms and make sure her face held that look for the rest of her life. I was astonished at how quickly Bella could distract me from everything else that was happening around me.

"Oh, I see how it is. I'm supposed to listen to you all talk about your little love trysts and yet I can't share mine? How freaking fair is that?" Esme whined.

"Okay, on that note we have to leave before she really starts sharing stuff that will burn my ears and brain. I love you both, but bye!" I grabbed Bella's hand and pulled her towards the door. Carlisle and Esme followed, chuckling.

Bella whipped around to face Esme again. "We forgot to ask, can we keep the Suburban? We wanted to pick everyone else up at Twilight and all ride to dinner and karaoke together, if that is okay with you?"

"Sure, you all keep it. I will have Carlisle drop me off sometime this weekend and I will pick it up then. I don't need it until Monday afternoon. You all have fun and make sure one of you is a DD. I don't want to get a call about you all being in an accident. I mean it!"

"We promise." We yelled back in unison as we hurried down the sidewalk towards the Suburban.

My phone rang again in my pocket. I pulled it out expecting it to be Alice, all freaked out about what time we were going to arrive. I have heard the same conversation about a million times in my life. Alice would freak out if you were the least bit late and yell like a raving lunatic. I opened it without even looking at the caller id.

"Look, keep your panties on! We are leaving Carlisle and Esme's now. We will be there in 10 minutes tops if I drive that is still about 20 minutes before you designated time so shut up about it. We won't be late!" I didn't want to have this conversation with her again. I wanted to have a good time and enjoy myself tonight. I only had three nights until I had to be away from Bella for two weeks and I was not going to be the DD tonight.

"Dude, I know that I am a little weaker since my accident and my voice isn't what it normally is, but there is no way in hell that I will ever be mistaken for the half-pint! Give me some credit, I am at least Rosalie, that is if I have to be a girl at all. She's the only one that can kick ass when it's needed." Jacob drawled. "Dude I am so sorry, I just assumed it was Alice freaking out like always. What's up? Oh God, are you okay?" Bella turned to me when I uttered the last part.

"Nah, I am fine. At least I think I am fine. I am just blown away, I mean I have no one else to call and talk to about this. I hope this isn't weird me calling you. I just, I don't know what the hell to do, Edward. Please don't hang up, I know I am going on like, well like Alice, but damn it ain't everyday this happens to a guy. I don't know what the fuck to do." He was out of breath and sounded absolutely confused by the end of his rant.

"Okay, Jacob just calm down. What is it? Just tell me and I will do what I can to help you. Do I need to come over, where is your nurse? What was her name?" Great I was just as twisted up as he was now. I was freaking out that he was hurt somehow, with no one there to help him.

"Nessie, her name is Nessie. She's here. I'm hiding out in the bathroom so I can talk to you. She'll be back in a few to check on me so I have to talk fast. Edward, what am I going to do?" he pleaded.

"Jacob, slow down and tell me what the hell your problem is, and then I can tell you what to do!" I shot back.

"Okay, good idea. Well, see we came home and Nessie was here. She helped me get settled in my bed and then she made lunch. Billy went to take a nap so she came in to help me go to the bathroom. Well, I was in a pair of pajama pants and she accidentally touched my junk. But that isn't the big deal, the big deal is that I wanted to throw her down and show her what my junk could do for her. How freaking crazy is that? I mean a week ago I was fucking head over heels for Bella still and today, BAM, I am dying to see how Nessie's hair feels slipping through my fingers. This has to be a reaction to some of the medication I am on! That has to be it. Right?" Jacob was grasping at straws.

"I don't think that is a reaction to any of the medications, but I can call the pharmacy for you if you would like." Bella gasped and tried to grab the phone from me.

"Edward, give me the phone. What is wrong with Jacob?"

"Bella, honey, nothing is wrong with Jacob. He's fine. He called me for some advice and that's all. No worries." I flashed Bella my smile and hoped that she wouldn't ask what kind of advice Jake was calling me for. I was hoping that she would assume it was medical advice.

"Jake, I'm about to get into a car with Bella and then the rest of my family is going to join us. Do you want to talk about this now, or can I call you back later?"

"Shit, what do I do in the mean time? She makes me so nervous, I don't know what to say to her. I feel like I'm in high school again with some sort of crazy crush. When did I turn into such a pussy? Don't you dare tell a soul about this shit and I mean it, Cullen, or I will tell everyone about the time you pissed yourself because you were too scared to go to the bathroom when we were camping. I will tell everyone we know and take out an ad in the paper. I swear it." Jacob ranted at me.

"First of all, that was when we were seven and everyone pisses themselves at seven so back off. Second, I wasn't going to tell anyone, so chill dude. I think you're having a paranoid reaction to the medication that is for sure. Just act natural, be yourself, don't worry about it. You're on some pretty strong pain medication; she is going to expect you to act a little off. And besides, she doesn't know you, she doesn't know how you normally react. So, chill and I will call you in the morning. Okay?" There was no way I would ever tell anyone about Jacob's reaction to Nessie. I remembered that reaction all too well. When I saw Bella walking up the front steps at the house I felt like I had been kicked by a mule in the gut. I couldn't get her off of my mind, still can't. So, there is no way in hell I would ever tease him about anything.

"Okay, call me in the morning but not too early. Thanks for not laughing at me. I appreciate it, Edward. Bye." Jacob sounded calmer than before.

"What the hell was that all about?"

"I think he is enjoying his pain medication, that's all. I'm gonna call him and check on him tomorrow morning and make sure he is doing okay. I may even go by and see him personally. He was headed off to bed for the night, so don't worry about him." I leaned over and kissed her temple again, hoping that she would be satisfied with that answer.

"That's sweet, Edward, thank you." She flashed me a beautiful smile.

We pulled up at Twilight Originals and all of our family flew out the door and towards the Suburban. Rosalie and Alice looked pissed off royally. Emmett has his 'I am the shit and I know it' grin and Jasper just looked like he was about to puke. I knew that somehow, someway, Emmett had just made sure that this night would suck for us. I wanted to put the car in reverse and leave, unfortunately I couldn't.

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**E/N: I offered a new artist for you to check out~Sam & Ruby. They are on iTunes, go and buy their cd, it is good! Now...Send me an artist that you just can't stop listening to. Doesn't matter how new, old, funky, old school, punk, alternative, doesn't matter! I listen to it all, so send me your suggestions, Please!!!!!!!!**

**Fic Rec's for today:Punch Me, Love Me, Save Me by ericastwilight~she doesn't need me to pimp her out but this fic is so good that I can't help but tell you to get over there right now!**

**Now send me a fic you can't put down, help me out! All my stuff has completed and I need some new fics:)  
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	23. Chapter 23 Hollaback Girl

**A/N: This chapter was fun to write, I hope you agree with the songs that I gave them. I deliberated for a while and I hope you enjoy!**

**Thanks to all of the usual suspects-I appreciate you all so much! **

**A big old fat special thanks to laughing bubbles 18, she sent me her fav band and I love them:) I also want to thank her for being one of the first to fav me, for hanging in thru all of this, You are the best!**

**And last but not least...The Fandom Gives Back! Please go and support this awesome cause. You give a little money for something you know want anyway and it all goes to a good cause. I am proud to say that over $84,000 was raised last time, let's make it more this time :) Go and bid on one of your favorites, make a difference.  
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**Playlist: Hollaback Girl-Gwen Stefani, Brass Monkey- Beastie Boys, Faithfully- Journey, Dancing in the Dark- Bruce Springsteen, Talk Dirty to Me- Poison, Total Eclipse of the Heart- Bonnie Tyler, Like a Virgin-Madonna, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun- Cyndi Lauper, On the Edge of a Broken Heart- Vixen**

**Now on with the show...

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**

I heard that you were talking shit and you didn't think that I would hear it;

People hear you talking like that, getting everybody fired up;

So I'm ready to attack, gonna lead the pack, gonna get a touchdown, gonna get take you out;

So, put your pom-pom's down, getting everybody fired up;

A few times I've been around that track, so it's just not gonna happen like that;

'Cause I ain't no hollaback girl, I ain't no hollaback girl!

A few times I've been around that track, so it's just not gonna happen like that;

'Cause I ain't no hollaback girl, I ain't no hollaback girl!

So that's right dude put me on the bleachers, no principle's, no student teachers;

Both of us want to be the winner but there can only be one;

So, I'm gonna fight, gonna give it my all, gonna make you fall, gonna sock it to you;

That's right I'm the last one standing, another one bites the dust.

A few times I've been around that track, so it's just not gonna happen like that;

'Cause I ain't no hollaback girl, I ain't no hollaback girl!

A few times I've been around that track, so it's just not gonna happen like that;

'Cause I ain't no hollaback girl, I ain't no hollaback girl!

Gwen Stefani- Hollaback Girl

Chapter 23-Hollaback Girl

Bella's POV

"Emmett, just shut the fuck up and get in the damn car. I swear I will kick your ass right here and right now," Rosalie screeched at him.

"Don't be pissed off, Rosie. I didn't mean it like you all totally sucked. You don't, you're just not as good as we are, that's all. I mean, come on. We dudes have this wrapped up. Jasper and Edward have mad musical skills, and me, well I'm just rock at being a rock star. So, it's not your fault! We can still have fun, you will do a good job, don't worry about it." Emmett patted Rosalie on the back as he finished his totally condescending speech without realizing that he just threw all three of us under the bus.

Several people shouted at once.

"Emmett, what the hell?" Alice called.

"Dude, shut your fucking mouth before you get all of our asses kicked." Jasper tried to warn him.

"You are such a dumb ass, who has his own head stuck up his own ass!" Rosalie huffed as she slapped the back of his head and then crossed her arms.

Edward and I sat up front smirking at each other, it was so nice to see the shit storm that Emmett brought on himself. The funny thing was that he never had any idea how he got into so much trouble. He was totally oblivious to the crap that spouted out of his mouth. Edward glanced at him in the rearview mirror and snickered at him.

"Wait, may I ask what the hell this is about? Remember, Edward and I came in on the end of this. So, please explain." Emmett opened his mouth to launch into his own defense. I held up my hand to stop him. His mouth snapped close.

"Jasper, you explain," I suggested. I knew we would get the most fair and unbiased opinion of the situation from him.

"Okay, we were discussing tonight and trying to decide if we were going to sing. Rosalie said she was definitely singing, and Alice agreed she would as well. Emmett, here, piped up and said there was no reason for them to even bother because he was going to sing and no one would want to hear anyone else after he was finished. He then went on to defend himself and say that it wasn't y'alls fault that the girls of this family aren't as talented as the guys. Which of course pissed off the girls and that is where you picked us up at. So, Emmett is a great big old ass and got us guys in trouble, AGAIN!" Jasper reached back and slapped him on the arm.

"Dude, you can't deny that the guys have more musical talent than the women. You, you play guitar; Edward plays guitar and piano. I bang around on the drums. The girls, what do they play? Nothing! Again, we will wipe the floor with their asses if this was like American Idol or some shit. We would hands down get more votes than them. Sorry, I love you three and you are as hot as hell. But…we kick your ass this time." Emmett settled back into the back seat and crossed his arms, like he had just cured cancer or something important in his life.

I turned to look at Bella. I could see the flames just below the skin of her face. It's a good thing that Emmett had settled in the furthest seat back away from any of the women in the car. Even Rosalie decided that she didn't want to sit with him, she chose to sit with Jasper and Alice instead.

I held up my hand to stop the chatter from all of the other occupants in the car.

"So, Emmett, what you are saying is that, because we are obviously so far inferior to the musical skills of the guys, if we put tonight to a vote we would be voted off of the show? Did I get that right?"

"Well, it sounds harsh when you say it Bella, but yeah that's about right." Emmett offered, his face slightly changing thinking that he had found an ally in me.

"Okay, so…let's vote on it." I offered, holding up my hands in a vote.

"Now, Bellarina, you are taking this too far…" Emmett started.

Edward interrupted, "No, Bella has a great idea. We can't, or actually you Emmett, can't make a statement like that and not expect to be called out on it. So, let's each pick a song and sing them. We will have the audience vote. They are totally unbiased and don't know us, so that way no one can call foul when it's all said and done. What do you think of that? All in favor of a show down, raise your hands." All three of the girls hands went up right away, so did Emmett's. Edward and Jasper, bless their hearts, were smart enough to know that this couldn't end well for them. So, they left their hands down.

"Pussies!" Emmett squawked from the back of the car.

"Emmett, that is where you are wrong again. We are not pussies, but I do like pussy. And I can tell you that if you if this ends the wrong way, I will not be getting any pussy for a long time. I can not handle that! So, therefore I do not want to challenge the beautiful, and very talented woman sitting beside me to a sing off! I am Switzerland!" Jasper tried to get back into Alice's good graces. She sent him a small smile.

"Okay, then let's make this a little more interesting for all parties. No pussy bans. We will think of punishment for the losing team. We will stick to the punishment, no extra fines. Because I for one really want to see who will walk away the victor from this little competition." Rosalie reasoned. She looked a little smug, as she flipped her hair over her shoulder. A move that I knew for a fact weakened Emmett, he had a thing for her hair.

"Okay, so we each sing, the audience votes and the loosing team carries out the punishment. No extras, no pussy bans. Can we all agree on that?" Edward called from the front seat and checked the rearview mirror again to make sure that we had everyone's agreement.

"But, if we each sing a song then I will have to choose something new. I had a song picked out for all three of us to sing together, Ed." Emmett pouted and whined just like a three year old. His arms folded over his massive chest, with his bottom lip slightly stuck out.

"Fine, we can each sing a song and then we will do one group song. The audience will choose one individual winner, just for bragging rights, and then they will choose a group winner. The group winner will get to decide the punishment for the losers. How does that sound?" Edward offered again.

Alice clapped her hands and began to bounce up and down. "What does the individual winner get?" She squeaked.

"Bragging rights, for starters and we can each chip into a pot that they win." Jasper drawled.

"Fine, how much?" Rosalie asked.

"We each chip in $100, and that will make the pot $600. That's not a bad take home for a little singing and booty shaking, don't you think?" Jasper danced as he explained.

"We decide the punishment first before we sing," Jasper added.

"Fine, we will think about it during dinner and get back to you with our chosen punishment before we go into the club. Your team must have their punishment then as well." Rosalie called out in a firm voice. She turned for the first time and looked at Emmett. He nodded.

"We are here. No more talking about or being angry about the bet during dinner. We will have a few minutes after dinner to talk amongst our groups to decide. Until then we are normal and happy, got it?" Edward turned and looked at all of us; he reminded me of the bus driver we had all during elementary school. He just had this look on his face that dared you to cross him. Edward received nods from all the rest of us and we shuffled out of the car.

We all enjoyed the dinner and chatted like any other normal day. No mention of the bet. We did discuss Edward's new development with everyone. Everyone had the same thing to say about the sudden change. They agreed that it was an opportunity that Edward couldn't pass up.

When dinner was over, we ladies excused ourselves to the restroom to discuss.

"Okay, first things first. What is their punishment?" Rosalie whipped around to face Alice and I.

"We need to hit them where it hurts!" Alice chanted.

"Emmett hates to do housework, he paid for a housekeeper when we lived in the condo, because he didn't want to help out. So, I say we make them cook and clean for a whole week. They can't order any take out at all. They have to cook every day, three meals a day. And they have to do all of the housework, dishes, cleaning the bathrooms, laundry, all of it. Emmett will die if he has to do that. It will kill him. I don't think that Edward and Jasper will have too much trouble with it, so that is fair for them. At least they won't have to pay too bad for Emmett's fuck up this time." Rosalie had struck pay-dirt with this idea. I liked it so I nodded my head at her. Alice was nodding as well.

"Now, what the hell are we going to sing?" Rosalie asked.

"Oooh, that's easy. I have been thinking about that all night. Rosalie you will sing 'Like a Virgin'. Emmett has a weakness for that song and for you singing it will push him over the edge. A little mental torture for him will serve him right. Bella, you will sing 'Total Eclipse of the Heart', you totally love that song and it will be fun to hear you sing it somewhere other than the shower. And I will sing 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun'. Sound good?" We all nodded and then jumped around in a circle in the ladies room like a bunch of twelve year olds.

"When we get back to the table, make the guys say their punishment first. I want to hear how mean they are going to be before we say ours out loud. I don't want to go softer on them if they are going to make us do something mean, or dirty, or cruel." Alice pouted.

"Agreed." Rosalie and I nodded at her line of thinking.

We arrived back at the table as the boys hushed and sat up straight. They had all moved to far side of the table, so we took the seats across from our partners. Emmett cleared his throat.

"I bring this meeting to order, ladies do you have anything to say?" Emmett looked at all three of us, his eyes giving away his nervousness.

"No, we don't. Please tell us what our punishment will be, _**IF**_ we lose this sing off," Alice demanded.

"We have given this a lot of thought and as a group we have decided that if the losing team is the ladies, you all will wash, wax, and detail the inside of our cars. We choose the day this washing extravaganza will happen, and it has to be done in a bikinis that we will buy for you. Any questions?" Emmett once again looked from Rosalie, to Alice to me. We all nodded our decline at questions.

Alice cleared her throat, "We have decided that you men will cook and clean the house for a whole week when you lose. You must cook all three meals at home, no take out at all during that week. You will be in charge of cooking and all cleaning, to include laundry. We will have a detailed list made up for you on the first day of the week. We will not be excessive with this list, it will only be weekly cleaning duties, no deep cleaning or spring cleaning shit on there. Esme will look it over to prove to you all that we are being fair. We will decide when this happens. One meal must be served to us topless." Emmett's face had sunk considerably at Alice's words, until he heard topless. Then his face lit up again. Alice held up her hand. "Emmett, you three will be topless, not us you dumb ass." His face fell again.

"Fine, we accept the topless dinner, but we ask for one nice dinner out that week. All the rest we will cook for you. If Esme approves the list then we will do everything on it." Jasper spoke up.

Rosalie spoke up for our group, "Fine. We agree." We all stuck out our hands to shake on our agreement, and the men stuck theirs out as well. We all shook our agreement and left the restaurant.

We had just stepped up to the doors of the club when Jasper threw his arm out to stop us.

"Ladies, are you sure? We don't have to do this. Emmett is a big old jackass and we can all agree on that part. We don't have to do this." Jasper's face looked hopeful. Even though we agreed to no other repercussions from this bet, Jasper was still afraid to suffer the wrath of Alice, for any reason.

"Nope, we're good." I offered, and dashed his hopes.

We entered the club and took two of the little round tables side by side. The women sat at one table together and left the men to sit at their table without us.

"So, what songs are you going to sing?" Emmett asked.

"You'll see when we take the stage," Rosalie shot back.

"Fine, but I hope you have them all planned out, because we do and ours rock. Our group song will blow you away." Emmett looked like he wanted to stick out his tongue at Rosalie, but somehow he managed to hold it in his mouth.

Rosalie turned back to the two of us, "We forgot our group song." The horror of our flaw showing on her face.

"Don't worry, I thought about that on the way here, we'll sing 'On the Edge of a Broken Heart' by Vixen. I loved that video, they all ran around in leather and rode motorcycles in high heeled boots." Alice clapped her hands as she spoke.

"So, all that's left to do is write down our songs and explain it all the DJ. I hope he likes a good wager." The hope dwindled when I looked over at Jasper and Edward smiling like the cat that ate the cream.

After explaining our bet to the DJ, both teams turned in their songs and sat to wait our turn.

Several different club patrons were called to sing, and then the DJ came to the stage. He scratched his head and began to describe our bet. The audience immediately began to cheer and whistle. So, the DJ called the first singer to the stage. None other than me.

I stepped up, took the microphone, and took a deep breath. I had sung this song a million times in my shower, I could do this. I wasn't a terrible singer, I could hold the tune and sing in pitch. So as the music started I looked over at Alice and Rosalie's faces. They both looked very optimistic, so I began to sing.

_**Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming around, **_

_**Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears, **_

_**Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by, **_

_**Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes, **_

_**Every now and then I fall apart, Every now and then I fall apart. **_

_**Every now and then I get a little bit restless and I dream of something wild, **_

_**Every now and then I get a little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms, **_

_**Every now and then I get a little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and try, **_

_**Every now and then I get a little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes,**_

I was just about to hit the chorus and it felt good. People were whistling and cheering with me, singing along. Alice and Rosalie were standing up at the table with a lighter held up over their heads. I almost laughed at them. Then I saw Edward's face. He was caught up in me, staring straight at me. His face held nothing but adoration, for me. His eyes danced when they met mine, and I began to sing to him. Pouring my heart into every word, making him understand that the only thing I need is him. He had caused my own total eclipse of the heart.

My song ended and the place erupted in cheers and applause. I took a small bow and rushed off stage. I couldn't believe that I went along with this silly plan, much less went first. I blushed furiously as I sat down. Edward pulled me into his lap and kissed me soundly.

"That was as sexy as hell, promise me that this song goes onto our playlist, " he whispered to me, as I nodded back at him.

The next up was Jasper. He chose 'Dancing in the Dark' by Bruce Springsteen. He found a slower acoustic version that he was singing now. His slow country drawl, brought out all of the good points of the song. He did sound amazing. Alice stood up in her chair and wolf whistled for him. He just smiled and dipped his head at her.

_**You can't start a fire, you can't start a fire without a spark,**_

_**This guns for hire, even if we're just dancing in the dark.**_

_**Sitting around getting older, **_

_**There's a joke here somewhere, and it's on me, **_

_**Shake this world off my shoulders, come on baby the laughs on me. **_

_**Stay on the streets of this town, and they'll be carving all right. **_

_**You say you gotta stay hungry, hey baby I'm just about starving tonight.**_

_**I'm dying for some action, sick of sitting around here trying to write this book. **_

The ladies were eating up country boy Jasper. His tall legs and tight jeans were playing right into their hands. I was worried that we may lose based on looks, not on singing ability. The women seemed to go crazy when Jasper sang he was 'dying for some action'. I stood and clapped when he was finished. Jasper had done a great job. I was definitely worried.

The DJ called all three boys up to the stage. I was so curious to find out what their group song would be. The DJ quickly put me out of my misery as he started the song. The familiar beats and scratching at the beginning of the song almost gave it away. I could almost call the name to the front of my mind. Then I heard the tell tale saxophone staccato that erased all the doubt. Our men were going to go old school rap and channel their inner white boy rappers. It was absolutely perfect, who could argue with 'Brass Monkey'? I looked over at Rose and Alice, we all three were shaking our heads.

_**Cause I drink it anytime - and anyplace  
When it's time to get ill - I pour it on my face  
Monkey tastes Def when you pour it on ice  
Come on y'all it's time to get nice  
Coolin' by the lockers getting kind of funky  
Me and the crew - we're drinking Brass Monkey  
This girl walked by - she gave me the eye  
I reached in the locker - grabbed the Spanish Fly  
I put it with the Monkey - mixed it in the cup  
Went over to the girl, "Yo baby, what's up?"  
I offered her a sip - the girl she gave me lip  
It did begin the stuff wore in and now she's on my tip**_

All three guys had their parts down, each one was a different Beastie Boys and they knew their stuff. They had the hand gestures and crazy dance moves. I laughed my ass off the whole time. The crowd was dancing and singing along with them. Edward kept giving me a wink when he would 'dance' over to our side of the stage. I threw the back of my hand up over my forehead and pretended to faint for him. He just laughed and danced away. When the song was over the applause was deafening. The boys high-fived and knuckle bumped people in the crowd as they left the stage. I could see several girls fawning over Edward but he quickly made his way back to our tables. I made sure he sat in my seat with me on his lap, to establish he was my territory.

Alice was called to the stage. She grabbed the microphone and moved the stand out of her way. This was going to be good. Alice's song was immediately recognized, and she started dancing right away. She only lacked the large tutu type skirt and bustier top. I was suddenly glad that Alice didn't know about this little competition before we left, or we may all very well be in costumes to go along with our songs. Rosalie and I started the wave when Alice hit the chorus, like they did in the video. Alice danced around encouraging the audience to wave and dance with her.

_**When the working day is done, oh girls want to have fun,**_

_**They just wanna, they just wanna, they just wanna.**_

_**Oh, girls just wanna have fun,**_

_**Girls just wanna have fun. **_

_**When the working day is done, oh girls, **_

_**Girls just wanna have fun.**_

_**They just wanna, they just wanna, they just wanna, **_

_**Oh girls just wanna have fun. **_

Alice seemed to glide off of the stage, she loved this kind of thing. She always pushed me to open up more and be more adventurous. Now I finally felt comfortable. I finally felt like I had someone that would support me and allow me to be me. My thoughts were interrupted when the DJ called Emmett to the stage.

He stood up and did his best Chris Farley imitation. He threw his hands over his head, and his fingers flexed to form the ever present rock on from the 80's.

The loud guitar strumming and heavy drum beats started and Emmett transformed into a rock star. He moved around the stage and played it up to the girls.

_**At the drive in  
In the old man's Ford  
Behind the bushes  
Til I'm screamin' for more  
Down in the basement  
Lock the cellar door  
And baby  
Talk dirty to me!**_

_**You know I call you, I call you on the telephone  
I'm only hopin' that you're home  
So I can hear you  
When you say those words to me  
And whisper so softly  
I've gotta hear you  
Cause baby we'll be**_

Emmett jumped and grabbed his leg and did the air guitar during the last solo. Then he turned around and shook his ass at the crowd. He looked smug as he left the stage, but he didn't know about our secret weapon. His smug ass would be drooling in just a few minutes along with all of the other guys in this place. I was so thankful that Rosalie was called last from our group.

Sure enough, Rosalie stood and slowly sauntered towards the stage. The men in the club took notice and stepped closer to the stage. Rosalie played coy and shy. She took the microphone and slowly slid the stand way out of the way. Alice and I had both seen this show before, we knew that her song would include the now infamous rolling around on the floor like Madonna did in the awards show. The men would love this, and let's be honest, not many women can say that they didn't want to be Madonna. So she should be a big hit with this song.

As soon as the first beat of the song started, Emmett stood up from his chair and shouted her name. She just looked over at him and shrugged her shoulders. He wasn't buying it, he knew we were playing to win. He slammed back down in the chair and just watched his woman wipe the floor with his ass. Everyone in that room was hanging on Rosalie Hale's every move, and she loved it.

Sure enough, she dropped to the floor and spread her legs to roll around.

_**Like a virgin, hey, touched for the very first time;**_

_**Like a virgin, with your heartbeat next to mine;**_

_**Like a virgin, ooooh, like a virgin;**_

_**Feels so good inside; **_

_**When you hold me and your heart beats;**_

_**And you love me;**_

_**Oooh, baby, can't you feel my heart beat for the very first time. **_

Rosalie threw in a few air humps as she slithered around. When the song was finished she stood, dusted herself off and left the stage. Emmett refused to meet her eyes.

"Beat that talent, fucker." She tossed at him as she moved around his table to sit back at ours.

Edward stood and slowly walked towards the stage, knowing that he was the last one left to go. I was mesmerized from the moment that he stood. I couldn't take my eyes off of him.

I heard the piano begin to play and knew for a fact this was a song that Edward knew how to play himself. His choice made sense. He chose a song he knew well, just like I had.

_**Highway run  
Into the midnight sun  
Wheels go round and round  
You're on my mind  
Restless hearts  
Sleep alone tonight  
Sendin' all my love  
Along the wire **_

His voice was so strong and clear. The rest of the room floated away and left him and I. He sang to me and I stood and watched him.

_**They say that the road  
Ain't no place to start a family  
Right down the line  
It's been you and me  
And lovin' a music man  
Ain't always what it's supposed to be  
**_  
I felt like he was telling me more than the words of the song. Like he hadn't just chosen a song he knew, he chose this one for a certain reason. I only hoped that I wasn't misunderstanding the meaning. I made a note to ask him why he chose this song later.

_**Oh girl you stand by me  
I'm forever yours, faithfully**_

_**Circus life  
Under the big top world  
We all need the clowns  
To make us smile  
Through space and time  
Always another show  
Wondering where I am  
Lost without you**_

_**And being apart ain't easy on this love affair  
Two strangers learn to fall in love again  
I get the joy  
Of rediscovering you  
Oh girl, you stand by me  
I'm forever yours, faithfully**_

_**Oh, oh, oh, oh  
Faithfully, I'm still yours  
I'm forever yours  
Ever yours, faithfully**_

I had tears in my eyes when Edward was finished and left the stage. I prayed that I understood his meaning, clearly. His eyes locked on mine. I started towards him, his body calling to mine. When we met, he placed his hand on my face and brushed the small tears away and pulled me into a searing kiss. I threw my arms around his neck and gave back every ounce of passion he was giving me. I had not misunderstood the song, he was declaring himself to me.

Alice and Rosalie both grabbed my hands and pulled me away from Edward as the DJ was calling us up for our group song. We took the stage and assumed the Charlie's Angels pose to start the song off. Too bad we didn't have those red and black leather outfits to make this song more bad assed. We took turns singing and providing back up. Some of the words were totally appropriate for tonight.

_**It isn't like you never had the chance to change your tune;**_

_**Did you think that I'm a dime a dance, well the dancing through;**_

_**I've been doing things your way for too long, well baby that's over;**_

_**It won't be easy but I've got to be strong;**_

_**And if I need to cry I don't need your shoulder.**_

_**I've been living on the edge of a broken heart; **_

_**I don't wanna fall, I don't wanna crawl;**_

_**I've been living on the edge of a broken heart;**_

_**Don't you wonder why, I gotta say goodbye. **_

_**I'll find someone else, who's nothing like you;**_

_**Two can play the game as well;**_

_**And you're gonna be sorry baby, when it's over.**_

_**I've been doing things your way for too long, well baby that's over;**_

_**It won't be easy but I've got to be strong;**_

_**And if I need to cry I don't need your shoulder.**_

_**I've been living on the edge of a broken heart; **_

_**I don't wanna fall, I don't wanna crawl;**_

_**I've been living on the edge of a broken heart;**_

_**Don't you wonder why, I gotta say goodbye. **_

_**I've been living on the edge of a broken heart; **_

_**I've been living on the edge of a broken heart; **_

_**Don't you wonder why, I gotta say goodbye; **_

_**I've been living on the edge of a broken heart.**_

The game was over, we had done all we could do. We took our seats as the DJ once again took the stage.

"Okay people, what did you think?" The crowd applauded loudly, so we must not have been that bad.

"This was fun, maybe we'll do this again. A karaoke showdown! I like it. Well, on with the voting. There are two things you need to vote on. First write down the song of the person that you think did the best as an individual and then write down boys or girls for who you thought did the best overall with all three performers. Bring them up to me and I will count the votes."

I could see the eyes of the people that voted for the girls. They would look right at us and smile, but those that wouldn't meet our gaze, I was sure had voted for the guys. Several women came over to the guys table and tried to make small talk and test their chances with them. Rosalie scared off the groupies before any of them got serious, she had a really mean bitch eye look.

Several minutes later the DJ took the stage one last time and announced the winners.

"Looks like the song that one for individual winner was Faithfully."

Edward sat looking stunned, and then glanced around at me. I was clapping and cheering for my man. He stood and took a bow.

"Okay boys and girls, the big vote of the night. By a slight margin, I mean less than 10 votes separated them, is the…Girls! Give them all a big round of applause!" We girls stood and curtsied for everyone, and stuck our tongues out at Emmett. Edward and Jasper had the sense to come over and congratulate us. Emmett pouted a little bit first, but eventually Rosalie won him over and he came to place a big kiss right on her cheek.

We drank a few more beers and then we headed home. Edward drove again, since he didn't drink tonight. We decided to go and get the other cars in the morning. We were all ready for bed, and some of us were ready to celebrate our victory.

* * *

**E/N: So...does everyone agree with the outcome? Who do you think should have won? What songs would you have picked for each of them to sing? What song would you sing it you had to do 80's karaoke? **


	24. Chapter 24 Your Body Is A Wonderland

**A/N:Hello to you all, I see you faving and putting me on alert, and I say thank you! You make my little heart swell;) A big fat thanks to all of the same characters, you all make me look so good and I appreciate you all.**

**I have had a few inquires about Truth, Lies & their Consequences. I am in the process of trying to get this one edited and out there for you. I have my pre-reader Eternally Addicted going thru it and then I will send it on to my beta. I appreciate you guys for your interest, I will get it to you as soon as I possibly can. **

**Playlist:Your Body Is A Wonderland-John Mayer, If I Knew Then-Lady Antebellum, Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol, Truly-Lionel Richie, When I Look At You-Miley Cyrus, You and Me-Lifehouse**

**Alrighty then, with all of that other stuff said...On with the show!

* * *

**

We got the afternoon, You got this room for two  
One thing I've left to do, Discover me, Discovering you

One mile to every inch of your skin like porcelain  
One pair of candy lips and your bubblegum tongue

And if you want love, We'll make it  
Swimming in a deep sea of blankets  
Take all your big plans and break 'em  
This is bound to be a while

Your body Is a wonderland  
Your body is a wonder (I'll use my hands)  
Your body Is a wonderland

Something 'bout the way your hair falls in your face  
I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase  
You tell me where to go and though I might leave to find it  
I'll never let your head hit the bed without my hand behind it

You want love? We'll make it  
Swimming in a deep sea of blankets  
Take all your big plans and break 'em  
This is bound to be a while

Damn baby! You frustrate me  
I know you're mine, all mine, all mine  
But you look so good it hurts sometimes

John Mayer- Your Body is a Wonderland

Chapter 24- Your Body is a Wonderland

Edward's POV

"Hey, baby, I think I know what I'm going to do with the money that I won." I looked over my shoulder at Bella while I was getting undressed for bed.

"What's that?" She asked as she turned to look at me while she brushed her teeth. I loved that she had moved all of her stuff into my room while I was gone. As stupid as it sounds, I loved to see her purple toothbrush hanging next to mine each morning. To me it just showed how close we had become and I loved it.

"I think we are going to dinner and stay the night in a hotel. That way we can have some privacy, maybe do some really dirty things to each other." I offered, hoping she would say yes to me. Our mutual steps caused us to meet at the foot of the bed.

"Won't everyone else get pissed off that we keep running off together?" Bella asked. Her eyes showed her hesitancy at my suggestion.

"We have been here at the house with them for the last few weeks that I have been home. Alice has seen to it that we have done almost everything together, so they can get pissed if they want. I don't care, I want time with you before I have to leave for two weeks. Please say yes, Bella."

"Since you put is so nicely, yes." The hesitancy left her eyes, and was replaced with happiness. She turned and began to take the extra pillows off of the bed. Her hair was pulled up and I could see the graceful curve of her neck. It called to me.

"Thank you." I placed a kiss on the back of her neck. "I have to go and see Jacob tomorrow morning, then I can meet you in Port Angeles. We can eat dinner there and I will make us a reservation at the new hotel. We can come home Sunday after breakfast and spend the day with the rest of the family before I leave on Monday morning. How does that sound?"

She nodded at the tentative plans. I liked it when Bella was agreeable to my plans and suggestions. Back in high school she had a terrible problem with accepting gifts; she seemed to have grown out of that little problem now. Bella never made an issue of the amount of money that I had at my disposal, but I do know that it bothered her. Perhaps she felt on a level playing field now that she had her own money that she could use. Maybe she didn't feel so dependent on others to take care of her needs; she knew for a fact that she could take care of herself.

I crawled into bed beside Bella and held her in my arms. I couldn't believe how lucky I was to reconnect with her, and this time to much better results. I shook my head when I thought about all of the time I had lost with her. Alice tried several times to get me to ask Bella out. I declined each time as I was off chasing the girls that I thought I wanted. Little did I know that the girl I really could fall in love with was right in front of me all of that time. But, then again who knows. We may have fallen in love then and fell out just as fast. Love is never a sure thing in high school. Most of us are not ready to make the full commitment that love requires at that age. So, I have to be thankful that I had her now and that things had worked out the way they were supposed to.

Bella's soft breathing and quiet whisperings alerted me to the fact that she was asleep. I reached over and grabbed my phone to text Alice. I didn't want to take a chance of waking Bella by getting up to go and speak with her directly.

**Ali~**

**Can I meet you at the shop at abt 10am to get a few things for Bella?**

**E~**

I held the phone in my hand. If I knew my sister she would be texting right back. She is OCD like that; she can't let things go unfinished. Besides, she will be happy to help me spend my money.

**E~**

**Of course, Bella plans to come and help us for a while so better make it earlier. What about 9am?**

**A~**

I mentally rescheduled my day based on this change. I could meet Alice, see Jake and make all of my calls to arrange things for Bella, come back to the house and pack for us. I would need Alice's help with that as well.

**Ali~**

**K, 9 is good. Can you help me pack for B. I wanna take her to PA for dinner and stay in the new hotel. I will need something for her to wear to dinner and then something for her to wear home on Sunday. I will take care of the something sexy at ur shop. And, do you wanna do a cookout at C&E's on Sunday?**

**E~**

I knew exactly what I wanted for Bella. I saw it last week when I was taking Rosalie and Alice out to lunch; it was a beautiful robe with matching bra and panties. It was soft, sexy and would be perfect for Bella.

Just then my phone buzzed in my hand again.

**E~**

**I know just the things for B. Does she know? What u gonna get her? Yes!**

**A~**

Somethings in life were always predictable. Alice was one of those things. She had to know every detail and there was never any getting around her, ever.

**Ali~**

**Yes, she knows. I want that black sheer robe w/panties and bra. Great! See u then, and thank you for the help:) **

**E~**

I turned to lay the phone down on my nightstand when it buzzed again.

**E~**

**Leave my girl alone, we can't all whisk away to stay in a hotel, some of us gotta get it at home! I was getting it, ya got me?**

**J~**

I quietly chuckled at Jasper. I set the alarm on my phone and laid it down. I got it! No more cockblocking from me tonight. I closed my eyes, still thinking of the list of things to do for tomorrow.

The next morning when the alarm went off, I slowly slid out from under Bella's arm and leg. I pushed a pillow close to her to keep her propped up just right and headed off to the shower.

After my shower, I rushed down stairs to get this day started. The coffee pot was only half full so I knew that Alice and Rosalie both had gone to the shop already. So, I grabbed my keys and phone to head that way myself.

When I pulled the door of the shop open, Alice came flying out of the back room.

"Hey, I snuck into Bella's room and packed her clothes for her. Her toiletries were in your room, so she will have to grab what she needs before you leave. Her clothes are in the black overnight bag on her bed." Alice said all of this in one breath before she even got close enough to hug me. This type of covert mission always made her a little keyed up. I couldn't help myself but to laugh at her. Of course this was done inside my head. I didn't have time for the ass kicking that Alice would hand out if I had the nerve to laugh at her to her face.

"Hey, thanks again. I appreciate the help. I just want to spend a little time with Bella before I head off to Seattle. She is taking it really well but I know deep down I know it bothers her that I have to leave again. I'm just glad that I'll only be gone for two weeks. I'm keeping every finger I have crossed that this thing will work out and I can come back to Forks General to finish most of the rest of it." I mentally crossed all of my fingers again. I didn't want to keep walking away from Bella. It was hard enough to watch her leave for work every day, while I stayed at home. I just moped around the house, ran errands and generally just watched the clock until she came home. That was just a small taste of how hard it was going to be to leave her again. At least we will both have work to keep us busy while I'm in Seattle for the next two weeks.

I walked over to the section of the store that Alice and Rosalie had devoted to lingerie. I immediately saw the robe. I reached out to take it, and my hand brushed against the soft fabric. It almost felt as soft as Bella's silky skin, especially the section of her skin between her breast and hips. I love to run my fingers, lips or actually any part of me over that particular section of her skin. I shook my head, trying to clear the thoughts that were totally inappropriate to have in front of my sisters.

"This one. This will look so good on Bella." I held it up as Rosalie came out of the back room.

"For Bella?" She nodded towards the robe.

"Yeah, I was going to take her to Port Angeles for dinner and then stay at the new hotel there for the night. What do you think?" I knew that Rose and Alice had different opinions in regards to their fashion, so I was interested in what Rose's opinion would be.

"It will be perfect for her. She will look amazing in it, it's just the right color for her skin," Rose offered.

I stood there with my mouth hanging open. I had almost the exact same thoughts last week when I saw it for the first time. Sometimes it scared me the ways in which Alice and I were so similar. Over the years, I had come to accept the fact that we had a somewhat mysterious connection. But Rosalie and I were not alike, and it always shocked the hell out of me when we agreed. Our personalities were so different.

"Thanks, Rose. That is exactly what I thought as well." I felt somewhat smug that I was able to make this intelligent decision about fashion for Bella.

Alice rung up my purchases and gift wrapped them for me. I left the shop heading to Jacob's apartment. I had not forgotten he needed to talk. It certainly sounded like he really needed to talk.

I knocked on Jake's front door and was greeted by Nessie. I could certainly see why Jacob was head over heels for her. She was just a little taller than Bella, long dark curly hair. It struck me that Nessie had a perfect combination of Bella's and my hair color. She had large hazel eyes and a smile that lit up her whole face.

"You must be Edward, I'm Nessie. Jake is waiting for you on the balcony. He's kind of grumpy this morning so be careful." Nessie walked me in the general direction of the open glass doors at the far end of the living room.

"Hey, I can hear you know. My hearing wasn't damaged at all in the accident," Jacob shot back at her. She simply turned to me and raised her eyebrows to silently say 'see what I mean'. I raised mine back and give her a half shrug. She turned and left me at the door to the balcony.

"Dude, get out here and close the doors. Did you tell Bella why you were coming here today?" He glanced around through several windows trying to pinpoint Nessie's whereabouts.

"Nope, I told her you had some medical questions and wanted me to come and check on it for you. She has no idea. So, I guess it's worse than what I thought, huh?" I glanced from him to the closed door as I gave a nod to indicate Nessie. It was clear he was quickly falling head over heels for her. I can't even begin to relay what a relief that was, to know that he wouldn't be interested in Bella anymore. He also wouldn't be hounding her about being so lonely all the time if he had a girlfriend to keep him occupied.

"You have no idea. She is so amazing; she knows what I need and is always right there to help me out. But at the same time she is killing me by being so close to me all of the time. This morning, I needed help sitting up a little higher. She leaned over me and went to push the buttons on the bed to sit it up. Well, I could see right down her scrub shirt thing. I was about to lose my mind. She was leaning over me, I could see her breasts and I couldn't get excited about it or she would know." He threw his hands up and rubbed his eyes with the heels of palms. "I mean, and I hope this is not weird to talk about with you, but I loved Bella. Like with all of my heart, but I never went hard like that in an instant over her. I just feel like a teenager with his first boner again, and I don't fucking like it." I chuckled at his words. I knew that feeling, went through it first hand when Bella walked back into my life.

"Jake, first of all zero weirdness about all of this. Second, what freaks you out? She is beautiful, and seems perfectly capable of putting you in your place. That makes her perfect, if for no other reason. Besides dude, did you ever consider that she wanted you to look down her shirt? If she leaned over you and flashed the goods when she could have just as easily walked around to the other side, it's something you might want to think about. Maybe she is flirting with you is all I'm saying." I grinned at him, as he attempted to reach out far enough to smack me from his wheelchair.

"Edward, I am in a wheelchair because less than three weeks ago I was freaking out because Bella and I were no longer together, and decided to drive to my dad's house in the middle of the night. Now, I am lusting after my nurse. Is it supposed to happen that way?"

"Let me say this, I don't know about how it is supposed to happen, but when Bella stepped up on the porch, my entire world shifted. I couldn't think about anything but her from that second on. I thought about her in the shower, in the car, in the grocery store. Hell, anywhere. I just thought about her. My palms were sweaty, I had huge lumps in my throat, I couldn't think straight. Sometimes, it does just happen that way. At least it did for me." I shrugged at him, I didn't have anything else to offer to him. I could only tell him my personal experience.

"So, what about the always being hard, did that happen to you too?" he leaned forward and tried to whisper to me. We were too far away for whispering so it came out a tad too loud. Jacob looked around to make sure that Nessie hadn't snuck back out with us. He had it bad for her.

"Nah, that just makes you a pervert who should get laid!" I said with indifference and sat back in my chair, trying to keep a straight face.

"Fuck, I knew it!" Jacob threw his hands back up to his face and started to shake his head.

"Hey, man, chill. I'm just kidding. Hell yeah I was hard all of the time. Once, we were at Carlisle and Esme's for a cookout. She was sitting on the edge of the pool and I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. Alice went and got some nail polish out of her purse and handed it to Bella. Bella nodded, opened it and began to paint her nails. I was hard as a rock just watching her do something as stupid as painting her toenails. I mean, how crazy is that?" At that admission Jake stopped shaking his head. His head was still facing down but he cocked it slightly and looked at me out of the corners of his eyes. I just shrugged, what the hell was I going to say about it? I learned a long time ago that I am not in control of that, it likes what it likes.

"So, what do I do?"

"This is straight from Jasper's mouth when I asked him the same thing. Be yourself and if it is meant to be, it will happen. I think it was some stellar advice, since it worked out for me. I did have a little help from Half Pint and Rosalie, so do with that what you will." A beautiful thought struck me all at once. "Jacob, how opposed would you be to having outside help?" He sat straight up and looked confused.

"What do you mean 'outside help'? I already have outside help and that is what got me in this mess to begin with." I held my hand up to stop his rant.

"I meant, Alice, Rosalie and Bella. The three of them are quite a team, and I think if we let the cat out of the bag they will be all over little Miss Nessie. At least they will find out if she is interested in you at all, that way you will know if you stand a chance. Couldn't hurt, right?" Jake's face lit up as well, perhaps I really was on to a great idea.

"Sure, but how do we do this? They have to think it's their idea to get us together or else they will make this harder than they should on me. I have seen the three of them go into bitch mode and I do not want that!"

"You let me handle that, I will simply put a little bug in Alice's ear and she will handle all of the rest. That girl is a born matchmaker and thinks that everyone should be as happy and in love as she is. I will tell them that you want us over for a barbeque Sunday night. After the few hints that I drop about today, Alice will be picking out your wedding invitations, trust me!"

"Okay, so a barbeque is all it takes to get to Nessie?"

"Well, that's all it takes to get the ball rolling. You'll have to do the rest. I'll talk to Alice today and tell her that you want to throw this thing to say thanks to Bella and Carlisle. She will call people while we are gone and have everything set up by Sunday at noon."

"Fine, but if this goes south I am dragging you with me, I swear it."

"It won't, I know my sister. She will be all over this, besides she wants to see you happy just like the rest of us." I patted his good leg. I wanted him to know that I did want him happy. Not because he would leave Bella alone, well…okay not for that reason alone. He mattered to Bella and making him happy would make Bella happy as well.

I stood to leave, "I have to run. I'm taking Bella to Port Angeles for dinner. I'll call you Sunday morning, and I'm sure that Alice will call you sooner to coordinate everything. Just stand back and let her do her thing and Nessie will be yours to woo!" Jake smiled again.

"Hey, Edward, thanks for being cool with this. I know this had to be hard on you and you have been nothing but cool about it. Thanks. I really appreciate you for it." He dropped his head and stared at his lap for a few seconds. I could see his Adam's apple bob, and I knew he was trying hard to control his emotions. "I appreciate that you didn't pull Bella away from me. I swear that I don't love her that way, I really just want my friend back." He dropped his head again.

"Jake, I know. She does too. It's all good, I promise." He nodded with his head still lowered and I patted his shoulder as I walked by him.

I met Nessie on the way to the front door. I gave her my cell number, as well as Carlisle's, in case she needed us for anything at all. She offered her thanks and graced me with a beautiful smile. I could see why Jacob was taken in, she was perfect for him. I offered her a smile in return, glad that in a small way maybe I could help him find his happiness.

I rushed home to get the bag that Alice had packed for Bella and me. I pulled out my phone to text Alice, I didn't want to chance calling her and Bella over hearing my conversation.

**Ali~**

**I need to talk, call me as soon as you are away from Bella!**

**E~**

I gathered my toiletries out of our bathroom and dropped them into my shave kit bag. I set aside a few things that I knew Bella used every day and waited for Alice to call me.

My phone rang as I was closing my overnight bag.

"Hey Ali. I went to see Jacob today. Can we uh, well offer him a little help?" I scratched the back of my head. I was doubting my confidence now that it was time to put this plan into action.

"Anything for Big Foot, what does he need?" Her voice was laced with concern at the mention of Jake. She loved him almost as much as Bella. It serves to reason that she would, he has been with Bella for as long as I can remember, so Alice has spent most of her life with him as well.

"Well, he is wanting to throw a thank you sort of cookout on Sunday for everyone. But, he is not able to do much to plan it since he is half doped up on pain meds. I told him that you would be happy to plan it for him and make all of the arrangements. He said for you to call him and he will give you his credit card to take care of everything with."

"Of course, I will help him. I know exactly who to call, they make the best potato salad. Can I decorate his place or not?" The wheels were already spinning in her mind, designs and menus all ready in place, I'm sure.

"Call him and ask, he didn't say. He seemed a little preoccupied when I was there." I laid the ground work for the real plan.

"Preoccupied, with what?" She walked right into it.

"Well, I'm not sure really but he couldn't take his eyes off of his nurse, Nessie. She seemed nice enough. I know that Bella would be so happy if Jacob could find a nice girl and settle down. But, I may be rushing things a little, I mean he did just meet her and all."

"Hmmmm, really? His nurse?"

"Oh yeah, he was mesmerized. Kind of reminded me how Jasper looked when you two started dating, love struck. I think he has it bad for her."

"What about her?" Alice questioned.

"Well, she certainly knew how to put him in his place. She didn't take any shit, that's for sure. I think she might even be flirting with him a bit. Might be a good match, but then again what do I know?"

"Well, maybe you're on to something. I might just have to go by and see this situation for myself. I can use the excuse of picking up his credit card. Observe the prey in their natural setting." She changed her voice to match Marlon Perkins, from Wild Kingdom, which we used to watch as kids on Saturday mornings.

I think that I should be scared for Jacob and Nessie, those two don't stand a chance at all.

"That might be a good idea. You are a girl and you know how girls think. Maybe you can get inside her head and see where she is at. Pick up on things that you know that I won't. See if she's interested in him at all."

"Oh I will, brother, you leave that to me. I will find out all I need to know! You leave Jacob and Nessie for me to worry about, you go and sex up Bella!"

"Alice, that is just…I don't even know what that is!" I replied, not sure if I liked that fact that Bella and my sisters were best friends or not. I'm sure that their girlie sex talks would embarrass the hell out of me. But then again, I did listen to Emmett and Jasper share their tales, I would probably not be shocked after that.

"Good plan, you let me know what you find out. We can play both sides of the field, I tell you what Jacob says and feels and you tell me what Nessie says and feels, okay?"

"Perfect, I will head over to Jacob's in a few before you come and get Bella. That way I can call you and spill before you head off on your trip."

I ran a few errands, packed a few things for Bella myself, and made a few phone calls. The whole time hoping that Alice would call and let me know what she found out. I finally gave up, put the bags in the car, and headed towards Twilight Originals to collect Bella. I was anxious to hear from Alice, but I was more anxious to spend some time alone with Bella. About half way there my phone rang. The 80's old school rap alerted me as to the identity of the caller. I think that Alice would be pissed if she heard it herself. She was not a fan of rap, but so help me that was the only song that came to mind when I pictured her. I listened as it played on.

_Life is to me my main asset  
I be doin' all right and keep it just like that  
Chill out at the house and pump that bass  
I'm tryin' to get rich as I rock the place  
Everybody's got that same old dream  
To have big money and fancy things  
Drive a brand new Benz, keep your bank right here  
Never hear me stutter once because I talk real clear  
It's on you, homeboy, watcha gonna do?  
You can take my advice and start workin', fool  
Or you can close your ears and run your mouth  
And one day, homeboy, ya soon find out_

_Life is too short  
Too short  
Life is too short  
(Too short)_

Finally, I picked up the phone, knowing that Alice would be really mad to go to voicemail. Especially if she found out that I was just listening to her ringtone!

"What did you find out, Sweet Cheeks?" She giggled.

"First of all don't call me that. Second, she is most definitely has a thing for Jacob Black."

"How did you find this out in only…" I sputtered as I glanced at my watch, "forty-five minutes?"

"Well, I'm good. Real good. Besides it helps to catch her while she was oogling his abs. So, I called her on it. She struggled a little but finally admitted that she was interested, but she wouldn't start anything while she was his nurse. She wanted to get to know him and wait until he was recovered. I say give them enough time for Jacob's leg to come out of that cast and they are doing the horizontal mambo!" I could see Alice patting herself on the back for obtaining her information so quickly. Her gifts amazed me.

"Okay, so she likes him and wants to get to know him. What do we do now?" I asked, because well…I am a man and I had no idea what to do now.

"Well, we amp up the hotness factor and watch the two of them combust!" Alice informed me.

"Fine, you do the amping and I will just be along to help you in whatever way I need to, okay?" I pulled up at Twilight Originals. I could see Bella at the counter going over some paperwork with Rosalie.

"You just stay out of my way and I will call you if I need any of your amateur help, got me?" I chuckled, she was right, amateur was putting it lightly. I was terrible in the matchmaking department.

"I'm at the shop, so I am going to go. Thanks for helping me with Jacob. I didn't mean to throw you into the lion's den, I just knew you would know what to do for the party and about him and Nessie. Can't you let Em and Rosalie, and Carlisle and Esme know that we are going over to Jacob's for Sunday lunch?" I asked.

"Sure, sure. I already got it taken care of. You have fun with Bella and be back here by two on Sunday." She warned.

"I will, love you."

"Love you too."

I hung up and headed into Twilight Originals to get Bella. She knew I was coming for her, and I'm sure that Alice told her that she was all packed. So I expected her to be ready to just walk out the door. She didn't disappoint. She hugged Rose, grabbed her purse and away we went.

Our drive was mostly in silence, I was trying not to let the depression hit me, but I was failing at it. I tried to focus on Bella sitting a few feet from me, looking as beautiful as ever, yet all I could focus on was in two days I would once again say goodbye to Bella. Even if it was only for two weeks it would fucking suck to do. I wanted her close to me, to sleep next to me, to lay beneath me while I made love to her. I shook my head to clear my thoughts as Bella's phone rang. I didn't recognize the ring tone, but I knew it was not any of our friends or family. They had all been given strict instructions to not call unless it was a life or limb type of emergency.

"Hello, Charlotte. What's up?" Bella asked, confusion written on her face.

I could hear Charlotte talking through the phone, but only in that Charlie Brown's teacher voice. I wasn't able to make out what she was saying. Bella nodded and mmhmm'd a lot. Her face was slowly lifting and excitement taking shape. Then just as quickly as the excitement came, it left.

"What do you mean traveling for three weeks? I thought this was to take place here, or in Seattle at the furthest. Like, how much traveling?" Bella fell into silence again as Charlotte began speaking again. I reached over and slid my hand over her knee. I was hoping to calm her and take away the worry. If she could understand when I had to go back to Seattle, I was certainly going to understand if she needed to travel with her job.

"Okay, that still sounds like a lot of time." Bella paused, Charlotte interrupted her, this time I could hear what she said.

"I know it does, and I know that you are so sick of being away from Edward. I promise, you are the only one that is ready for this type of assignment. I won't ask again, ever. I swear. I just know that you are ready for a promotion and this will show it to everyone else that needs to know. Just promise me you'll think about it, okay?"

"Okay, I will think about it. I will talk it over with you on Monday when I get back into the office." Bella glanced at me, but I was looking out the front windshield ahead. I wanted to hear her thoughts and then share mine. If it meant a promotion for Bella, I was in favor of it. Like I said, I would be just as supportive of her as she was of me.

"No, don't worry about it. You can call me anytime, sure. Thanks again for the heads up. Yeah, I'll see you Monday. You have a good weekend as well." Bella tapped her phone and laid it down in the center console. She took a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair. I wondered if that was something that she did before we reconnected or not. Were we really one of those couples that had spent so much time together that we were starting to act alike?

"Well, that was a thought provoking phone call." She chuckled.

I reached for her hand as I said, "Tell me about it."

"Well, one of our best-selling authors is pregnant, and she can only do her book tour some time during the next two months. After that she wants to be at home to prepare for her baby. I can't really blame her but Charlotte wants me to go with her on the publicity tour. She says that there is a position coming available and she wants to prove to the 'higher ups' that I am ready for it. So, that will mean two weeks after you get back from Seattle, I will be heading off for three weeks." She slapped her free hand along her thigh and exhaled loudly.

I opened my mouth to encourage her to go when she began to speak again.

"I don't know if my sanity can take being away from you for another three weeks. I do want a promotion, but maybe this isn't my time. My job isn't so bad, I love it in fact. Maybe I will let this one pass me by and try for the next one. I think that I would like it if both our lives settled down just a little before I went off and tried to shake things up again." I certainly couldn't argue with that line of logic. I would like for life to be normal and sane for once in my life. I wanted it all with Bella, because of Bella.

"As long as you are sure that this is what you want. I don't want you to turn this down because of me. I am so thankful for all of your support and I am more than willing to return the favor. I will be sad that you are gone, but so damn happy for you to be out there proving yourself to everyone. So, go if you want to. I will be here when you get back, I promise." I pulled her hand to my face and kissed it. I meant every word I said to Bella. I would wait for her forever if I had to.

"I don't want to go," Bella started. As I opened my mouth to speak, she raised her hand and continued, "But I will think on it, I promise." I nodded my head at her.

After arriving at the hotel, we checked in and dressed for dinner. The outfit that Alice had chosen for Bella was stunning. She wore wide leg grey pants with a pale pinstripe, and a pale champagne colored bustier top. It had a small ribbon wrapped around the waist, accentuating how small Bella's waist was. She asked for help buckling her strappy champagne colored heels. I knelt beside her and took my time with the straps and buckles. She slid her earrings in her ears and fastened her bracelet on her wrist. Each normal action was so different and erotic watching Bella do them. She was so unaware of her power over me, I almost moaned aloud at the thought of being with her later tonight. She smiled and kissed my cheek as I passed her face while standing back up. I helped her fasten her necklace; it was hung down her bare back and enticed me beyond belief. I couldn't help but sneak a kiss on her bare shoulder as I slid her grey cashmere wrap over her.

"Bella, you are beautiful beyond words. I love you."

"Thank you, Edward. You clean up pretty nice yourself." She snuck another kiss on my cheek and took my hand so we could head to dinner. I strutted through the lobby with Bella on my arm. I took notice all of the glances that she garnered from all of the men in the lobby. I stared them all down and warned them with my eyes that she was mine.

Somehow the weekend flew by faster than I could have imagined. We were packing up our bags and heading home to join the rest of our family for Jacob's cookout. I slid into the Volvo and turned the key. I was hesitant to head home, but certainly would keep the memories of this weekend for those lonely nights ahead of me in Seattle.

* * *

**E/N: So? Any thoughts, concerns, theories, wonderings, bitches, complaints, or simple suggestions? You hit that little button below and let me know. Come on you can tell Momma anything!**


	25. Chapter 25 Hands to Heaven

**A/N: First of please allow my to beg forgiveness to fabbydulcinea-not only did she push me over the 100 review mark but she stayed up till all hours of the night to do it! So for you fabby I has some mad love! Thank you to all the rest of you who read, review, fav and put me on your alert lists. You guys are the best. Edwardsbabymomma, I saw your name pop up on my alert list and I just wanted to tell you how I want your penname! I wanna be Edward's baby momma, good to have you with me;) To all the rest of my posse-thanks for hanging with me, fixing my grammar and giving me awesome ideas! **

**I still have the link for all the fun stuff on my profile, go and see it all. **

**Playlist:Hands to Heaven-Breathe, You're the Inspiration-Chicago, The Colour of my Love-Celine Dion, Falling Slowly-this has been done by several artists but I happen to love the version by Crystal Bowersox and Lee DeWyze (American Idol), Here Without You (iTunes Original Version, his voice sounds so much clearer on this version) 3 Door Down, If I Ain't Got You-Alicia Keyes, Missing You- Allison Krauss & John Waites **

**I think that's all I got to say to ya, so...On with the show!**

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As I watch you move, across the moonlit room

There's so much tenderness in your loving

Tomorrow I must leave, the dawn knows no reprieve

God give me strength when I am leaving…

So raise your hands to heaven and pray

That we'll be back together someday

Tonight, I need your sweet caress

Hold me in the darkness

Tonight, you calm my restlessness

You relieve my sadness

As we move to embrace, tears run down your face

I whisper words of love, so softly

I can't believe this pain, it's driving me insane

Without your touch, life will be lonely

Morning has come another day

I must pack my bags and say goodbye

Breathe- Hands to Heaven

Chapter 25- Hands to Heaven

Bella's POV

I quickly change for Jacob's cookout. I really didn't want to go, I would rather spend all day here in our bed with Edward. I'm so selfish but I don't want to have to share him.

Edward walks in as I'm running around the room in only my bra and panties. His body is instantly against mine. He caresses my hip, slowly running his nose across my shoulder.

I want to cry at this sadness that has settled across the room. I can see his bag sitting on the floor, waiting for him to get up, get dressed and walk out for two weeks. I promised myself that we will never be apart as soon he can get his residency schedule settled. I will go with him if he has to go away again.

I close my eyes and picture the wedding, the babies, the future us. I want it all, and for the first time in my life I know that I can do the whole marriage thing. I am "that girl" after all. Being with Edward has made me want all of those things. I knew that Edward was "that guy", and it makes me happy to know that I can be here with him now. He has changed me, changed my mind, and changed my heart. I will never again complain about my life, because I know without a doubt that it has all lead me here. With him.

A tear escapes my eye just as Edward looks up at me. His hand is on my face, his thumb wiping away the tear.

"Baby, don't please. I can't take it if you do. I swear I will never be able to walk out that door if I see you like this." The pain and anguish in his voice, and his face contorted, his eyes glossy with unshed tears. I can only nod at him. I don't trust my voice to speak without breaking and belying my inner thoughts.

"What are you going to wear to Jacob's? Because as much as I love this outfit," his hand waves up and down my body as he speaks, "I don't want everyone else to see it on you." He chuckles as he kisses my temple.

"Alice laid it out on my bed, will you go and grab it for me? I will run in and fix my makeup." He nods and leaves the room.

When Edward comes back in with my sundress, I'm back to normal. All my sad thoughts were pushed down and happy ones had float to the surface.

"So, do you care to tell me what the hell you and Alice are up to?" My suspicions are confirmed when his eyes widen slightly as I ask this.

"What makes you think that we are up to anything?" He glances down at me through his lashes, normally a look that would cause my bones to melt. This time I'm sure that he is using it to distract me.

"Several things, you're attached to the phone with either your sister or Jacob. You're speaking in code, and don't act dumb. You are so speaking in code around me." I hold up my hand as he begins to speak. "Besides, your face gave it all away when I asked. So, unless you want bloodshed before you leave, spill it, now!" I plant my hands on my hips and wait for his reply.

"Fine. When I went to check on Jacob, it was because he called me freaking out over the fact that he likes his nurse, Nessie. I went to talk to him yesterday. He looked like he was head over heels in love. He was a little embarrassed because not too long ago he was freaking out over you. So, naturally, he was confused as to what to do. I told him that I would put Alice on it. You know how freaky she is about stuff like this. She has magic that David Copperfield envies. So, I called Alice and clued her in on what was going on. I asked her to help Jacob put on this whole cookout and work behind the scenes to find out if Nessie likes Jacob as well." He shrugged, trying to explain his actions.

I was standing there in shock. I guess Edward misunderstood my shock.

"Angel, hold on. I'm sorry, I guess I wasn't thinking," he stuttered as he quickly walked towards me, "I just thought that you would want Jacob to have what we have. To see him hap…"

I stopped him when I put my lips on his and gave him a kiss of thank you. Wow, a hot kiss of thanks! He really knows what he is doing. I broke it off when I ran out of breath.

"Don't you dare apologize, that has to be the sweetest thing I have heard in like, ever!" I leaned up and kissed him again.

"Really?" Edward sputtered when I let his lips free again.

"Yes, really. I want this for Jacob. I want this for everyone I know. I have never been so happy and I want everyone in the world to feel this. Thank you for being so kind to Jacob. I love you for it, even more than you will ever know."

"Anything for you, baby. Besides, I do have a small amount of self interest in this move." He looked kind of sheepish. I leaned back and feigned shock. "Well, if Jacob is busy chasing after Nessie, he won't be bothering us." He leaned in and kissed my shoulder.

My heart melted, his love and slight jealousy warmed my heart.

Just then Alice banged on our bedroom door.

"Get your clothes on and get your asses out here. I have worked hard for this and I can't wait to party it up." Alice yelled at us through the closed door. She could so annoying sometimes.

I sighed and pushed off of Edward's chest. I slid my feet into my sandals and grabbed my handbag. I was as ready as I would ever be. I glanced over at Edward. His sad eyes were back, just for a second before he blinked and they were replaced with his fake happy eyes. I knew these next two weeks apart were going to be just as hard on him as they were on me.

We all rode over to Jacob's together in Esme's Suburban. Chatter was jovial; everyone was ready to celebrate. It was warm, perfect weather for the cookout. According to Alice we all looked great. I had no doubt that if we met her approval then we must look pretty good.

Jasper drove, and Alice sat shotgun with her man. Carlisle and Esme sat in the first of the large bench seats located in the back. Edward and I sat in the middle, while Emmett and Rosalie sat all the way in the back seat. Carlisle and Edward chatted quietly. Carlisle turned to face our seat and Edward leaned forward. Jasper concentrated on driving. Esme and Alice chatted about a new office complex that had hired Esme to decorate their lobby and executive offices. Emmett and Rosalie were making out in the back seat.

All around me activity happened. I sat and concentrated on the small amount of skin that Edward was touching on my hand. His thumb caressing it as he spoke; I'm not even sure that he was aware that he was doing it.

I caught Jasper's eye in the rearview and he winked at me. I smiled; my life is so full of joy at this moment but yet at the same time, so full of pain.

We pull up at Jacob's, and unload like a bus full of elementary kids on a field trip. The chatting continues up the elevator and into Jacob's foyer.

I hung back, I was afraid it would be hard to see my previous home. I think the swing of emotions today made each one feel epic. I wanted so much to simply enjoy this day, to enjoy Edward and my family.

Jacob greeted us in his wheelchair, introducing all of us to Nessie. I flushed when he saved me for last. I was nervous to get to know her, especially knowing that Jacob had feelings for her. I felt stupid for having these thoughts. But…Jacob was important to me, and she was potentially the woman who would be in his life forever. I wanted to make a good impression, and I wanted so badly to know what he told her about us. How much he had revealed to her, how much I had to reveal.

Everyone had drifted into the living room and out onto the balcony. Jacob, Nessie and I remained in the entry.

"Bella, Jacob has told me so much about you. I feel like we are best friends already." I blanched at how weird this situation would be to outsiders, then shrugged it off. I wanted more than anything to connect with Nessie and make life easier for Jacob and me. "I'm so sorry, I'm so forward. I assume everyone is like me and wants to know every thought in my head. I apologize. I'm uh… going to go and check on the rest of the guests." She turned to Jacob to speak directly to him. "You'll need to take your medications in about an hour. I think it would be best if you eat first. I think that will solve the nausea problem. Okay?" Jacob nodded at her and she left us in the foyer alone. I could see Jacob watch her as she walked away. His eyes were certainly filled with anything but lust. He was looking deeper than the surface on this girl. I cleared my throat to draw his attention back to me.

"So, I hear that you're on the hunt." I giggled at him.

"I knew better than to trust Edward with that deep dark secret," Jacob spat, looking around for Edward.

"No, Jacob. It wasn't him, well it was but I didn't know what he was up to when I asked him. I was kind of worried about what he was doing, so I pressured him to tell me what was going on. So, don't be angry with him. He tried his best to keep it from me."

"Well, at least he tried. I know how hard it is to resist your puppy dog eyes." His snort died mid sound. Jacob and I both were shocked into an awkward silence.

"Sorry, Bella, I didn't mean to bring that up. I swear I'm over it, us. I really do have feelings for Nessie. That's why I called Edward. I was so damn afraid when I had only known her for a few hours and I could already picture our life together. Marriage, kids, picket fence, dogs, and everything. I was afraid that it was some sort of reaction to the surgery, medications or something. Do you like her?" Jacob questioned.

"I really do, of course I don't know her that well, but so far she looks like she can keep you in line. That is a feat she needs a medal for alone. And for what it's worth, she looks like she is head over heels for you as well." We both glanced up and caught Nessie gazing over at Jacob. She flushed and turned at something Alice said to her.

"I know, that's what scares the hell out of me. I'm at the lowest point in my life and here she is. What kind of man can I be for her when I can't get out there and work? Or, hell, even take out my own damn garbage?" I recognized the frustration in Jacob's voice. I squatted down to look him in his eyes.

"She likes you, not your work ethic, and certainly not your garbage skills. If you two can learn to like each other during difficult times, you certainly can manage the easy times. You'll be one step ahead of all the other couples out there." I fake punched his shoulder. He ran his hands through his hair and smiled.

"I guess you do have a point. I never thought of that." He glanced back in the general direction of where Nessie was standing again.

"Trust me, I know from experience." I tried to giggle but the playfulness was gone.

"I heard he has to leave again tomorrow morning, two weeks huh?" I just nodded.

"At least you know he is going because he has to, not that he wants to be away from you. He is in deep for you, Bella, don't doubt that." I nodded again. My emotions again so close to the surface. The more we talked about it the harder it was getting to hold back the tears.

"It feels good to have you back, Jacob. I missed my friend. Don't pull anything really stupid again, you promise?" He laughed and threw his hands up in surrender.

We drifted back into the living area with all of the others, and soon after Alice called us to eat.

Several times during the day I caught Nessie and Jake looking at each other. Giving each other those looks that say I'm into you, when you don't think anyone else is looking.

I was watching them again, when Edward walked up and dropped his chin on my shoulder. "They look great together don't they?"

"Yep." I simply answered popping the 'p' as I did.

Edward turned me to face him. "Are you okay being here and all?"

"You know, I really am. It feels totally different to me now. Almost like Jacob and I didn't even happen." Edward searched my face and nodded after a second.

I turned and placed my back against Edward's chest, as he wrapped his arms around my waist. We both laughed loudly at Emmett when he challenged Jacob to an arm wrestling match. Rosalie and Nessie were both protesting loudly against the match.

The afternoon sun drifted lower. We sat talking about various things at the patio table, enjoying the warmth. Nessie had continued to sit closer and closer to Jacob as the afternoon progressed. If we stayed any longer, she would be in his lap. It was nice to say she fit in with our group. Very well. She had put Emmett in his place twice, and she knew several facts on Jasper's beloved civil war trivia. I think it was safe to say she had passed her initiation.

Esme stood and began to collect the glasses that littered the table. "As much as I hate to break up all of the fun, several of us have extremely early mornings ahead of us." With that one sentence she sucked the fun out of our gathering. The evening suddenly became chilly and damp feeling. We all stood to leave, taking our turns to say goodbye to Jacob and Nessie.

We girls exchanged numbers with Nessie and promised that the guys would come over to 'babysit' Jacob so we could go out one night this week. She agreed readily and so did Jacob.

I leaned down to kiss Jacob's cheek, and whispered to him, "You had better hang on to her. I think she may even be better for you than your last girlfriend." Jacob loudly laughed and threw his head back.

"I will do my best, Bella, you can count on that."

Edward clapped him on the back and we left his apartment. I glanced back at the building as we entered the car again. My life certainly had changed in the few months since I lived here. I was happy with the changes.

By the time Carlisle and Esme dropped us off at our house, a hush had fallen over the group. Everyone chose to say good bye to Edward there in the driveway, and we all went our separate ways when we reached the top of the stairs.

I heard the door click behind Edward. I had already reached for the zipper of my dress. Edward's hands pushed mine away and continue to pull it down for me. I turned and began to unbutton his top few buttons on his shirt; I then pulled it over his head. I ran my hands down his exposed skin until I reached his pants. As his hands rested on my arms, lightly brushing up and down them, I pushed the button open of his jeans. I left them hanging open. The view was so sexy, shirtless Edward with his jeans hanging open to show off his dark trail of hair that disappeared into his boxer briefs. I could see the tip of his erection pushing against the underwear he wore. His thick shaft half covered by his jeans. My eyes trailed back up to meet his.

Edward pulled the straps of my sundress off of my shoulders. "You got some sun today, Bella." He lightly kissed my sun touched skin. I stepped out of the dress and dropped it in the chair closest to the bed. Edward knelt down to remove my sandals, and slid off his flip flops. We stepped towards the bed, holding hands, our eyes still connected. It was like we were afraid to let go of one another much less look away. We needed to stay connected in every way possible.

I unhooked my bra, slid it off and pushed my panties down when we reached the side of the bed. Edward pushed his pants and boxers down as well. We climbed into the bed together completely naked.

Edward patted the center of the bed and I shimmed over to the spot he indicated. When I was settled, Edward came to rest on me. His weight warmed me and felt right against my skin. His hands moved over my face and neck. I closed my eyes, relishing the feeling. Edward nudged my cheek with his thumb.

"Don't close your eyes, baby, look at me. I want to see you." His silky voice made me want to close them again, just to center myself. But I held his gaze.

Edward placed a soft lingering kiss on my lips and then dipped his head and licked each nipple watching them as they pebbled up as the cool air hit them. His right hand closed over my breast as he licked my left nipple again, his eyes still locked with mine. He changed actions and licked my left nipple while squeezing and pinching the right again.

I gripped his forearms and watched as he took care of my body. I was never a shy one when it came to sex, but I had never taken the time to watch this before. Usually I had my eyes closed and just enjoyed the feelings. I think watching increased the sensations, watching Edward watch me definitely increased the sensations. It made it so much more intense.

He made his way back up to my mouth to kiss me again. The second our lips touched he plunged his tongue into my mouth. I loved the feel of Edward kissing me, it was so much more passionate then any kiss I had ever had before. His tongue danced against mine and pulled me further into his mouth. I moaned at the feel of his hands on me and his tongue in my mouth.

"Baby." Edward whispered, so softly.

He turned me on my side and kissed down my ribcage, across my hip and down my leg. When he reached my foot he turned me to the other side and kissed back up in the exact same manner. I was gently pushed down again to rest my back when he reached my neck. Edward climbed between my legs and pulled my knees up toward my chest. He slid up and placed the front of his legs directly against my ass and dropped his elbows down on either side of my head, creating a cage around me, trapping me under him. I loved the close contact his body had with mine. I could feel him all over my body, not one single spot felt left out.

His left hand twisted into my hair, while his right hand massaged my breast. His tongue was back on my lips, I quickly sucked it into my mouth. Our moans and gasps were still present but they were so muted tonight. Almost as if we were afraid to shatter the atmosphere around us with our noise.

Edward rocked his pelvis against mine, I felt his shaft slide between my wet lips and slide past my clit. The sensation shocked me and I pulled away from his mouth. Edward gazed down at me as I threw my head back unable to hold still under his expert touches. His slid his hips back quickly; and slowly slid past my clit once more, pausing to rock right across my clit several times. I couldn't hold back my moan. Edward placed his lips over mine and breathed in my sounds, keeping them between us, sharing it with me only, not the outside world.

He rolled us over and I settled on top of him. His hands splayed out and slid down my back, coming to rest on my backside. One hand slid down and played with my swollen lips. I tossed my head back, flicking my hair in true porn star style. Edward leaned up and began to suck on the tender skin right at the junction of my neck and collar bones. I rocked my hips against his and felt his cock slide against me again. He slid a finger inside my swollen pussy from behind, I gasped at the pleasure it brought me. Just from him sliding it into me. I moved my hand and traced his lips with my fingers, running them across his top and bottom lip. He reached out and sucked one of my fingers into his mouth. I moved it in time with his finger inside me.

Edward removed his finger and turned us again, adopting his cage-like position again. This time his fore arms rested on either side of my chest so he could reach my breasts. His mouth met mine and he slowly slid into me. We were no longer kissing but our lips stayed in contact. His eyes held mine. Each stroke was slow and deep. I felt his head rub against my inner walls as he pulled out each time. My body was lifted higher and higher with each stroke, the body and eye contact charging each movement. He leaned back slightly and pulled my knees closer to my body and pushed them down further into the bed. This new angle allowed him to press in all the right spots as he slid in and pulled out, doubling the intensity of his movements.

Once more I found myself flipped, this time I came to rest in Edward's lap. He bent his knees and sat almost crossed legged in the bed. I straddled his lap and wrapped my legs around him, he slid back inside me as I pulled myself closer with my legs. He wrapped his arms around me and crushed me to his chest, rubbing the outside of each breast at my ribcage. I slid up and down his hard cock, taking him in so deep. I felt my legs begin to quiver and tighten around him. My rhythm faltered and Edward took over, moving me up and down on him.

"I love you, baby. So much, only you from now on." Edward whispered against my mouth.

I slammed my mouth against his, his words pushed me right past the point of reality and into the midst of my orgasm. I moaned into him and he held it between us. Just him and I.

My body felt like silly string, no beginning and no end. I was just one big mass of unstable goo.

Edward pushed up into me again and I felt his cock twitch, his face went slack and his eyes rolled back into his head. The smallest of moans escaped his mouth, and I knew without a doubt that he was the most beautiful creature on earth, especially in the midst of an orgasm.

His arms and legs went slack; I twisted us so that we were lying face to face in bed again. Edward pulled me against his body and I nestled in as close as I could get.

"Bella, I love you." His voice sounded hesitant, and scared.

"I love you too, Edward." I rubbed my hand along his chest. I hoped that he would talk about whatever fear that he had inside. I knew it was childish, but I was twice as scared of whatever scared him. He had survived so much and was okay, so if this was big enough to scare him, it had to be epic in proportions.

"Bella, where do you see us in the future?" Fuck, this was epic. Every girl planned her life to a certain extent, but you realize as an adult that your childish fantasies were unrealistic in the real world. I had not had a chance to re-evaluate my fantasies to include Edward yet.

"Together, and that is honestly as far as I have gotten in this. I spent so much time planning and evaluating what Jacob and I had, that I decided not to do that with us. So, I have simply been living in the moment. Have you given it any thought?" I wanted to know his answer as much as I wanted my next breath.

"Yeah." That was it, just a simple yeah from him. He is seriously trying to kill me.

When I tried to push up and away from him, he tightened his grip on my back and began speaking.

"I think that, no, I know that I want to be with you. And don't get me wrong, I love what we have but I want more. I want you to have my name, my house, my children, my everything. I don't want you to freak out, I'm not proposing…yet. But that is a big yet. I feel so alive with you. You are the first person that gets me, and doesn't ask me to change. You let me be myself, and I love you for that. I don't want you to obsess over it, but please give our future some thought. I hope that when you do that you discover you have the same hopes and dreams that I do. " He glanced down at me and I pushed up to kiss him. Several small tears escaped my eyes.

I never was that kind of girl, the one that spent every waking moment planning my wedding, naming my kids and doing all of the things that would push me towards my goal of a husband and family. If you had asked me before I met Edward, I'm not even sure what my answer would have been. I know that I never seriously thought about marrying Jacob. I was perfectly content just living with him. But when Edward says those words I want them more than anything. I will be that kind of girl for him.

"Okay." Those were my eloquent words to Edward in regards to our future. I spent years reading, studying, and memorizing poetry. Only to have it fail me now and I simply went with 'okay'. It must have been enough because Edward kissed my temple and wiggled his shoulders a little to get more comfortable. Soon, I heard his deep breathing.

I slowly scooted up so that I could look at him. His face was relaxed, without a care in the world. I was happy that Edward was at peace with his life. I wanted his every wish to come true. He deserved it. I glanced at the clock and decided that I needed sleep as much as he did. I did have to work tomorrow as well.

Edward's alarm on his cell phone buzzed at 5:15 a.m. He slid out of my arms and quickly darted into the shower. He came back out later, showered, dressed and clean shaven. I slipped out of bed and slid on some yoga pants and a tank top. Edward grabbed his bag and we made our way downstairs.

The coffee maker was filled with hot coffee. I poured him a large car mug full and popped some cinnamon raisin bread into the toaster for him as well. With his mug full, and his toast done, Edward kissed me and walked out the door. No words were said between us. We didn't need any, we conveyed what we needed to say to each other last night, in the early morning hours.

I opened the fridge and pulled out the ingredients to make mushroom strata. I had this brand new, state of the art kitchen and we spent most of our time eating out. That was something I had planned to rectify, starting now.

I assembled the strata, popped it in the oven, refilled the coffee pot and headed up to take a shower.

I dressed quickly and fixed my hair. I rushed back down the steps to pull the strata out of the oven. Emmett was sitting at the breakfast bar drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. He dropped the corner just like Charlie used to do when I came in.

"Hells Bells, is that you making this kitchen smell so damn good?"

"Yep, guilty as charged." I held up my hands like they used to make me do when we played cops and robbers on the playground in school.

Emmett gave a little snort that shook his body and flipped his newspaper back up.

I grabbed the mitts and pulled out a perfectly baked strata.

"Ta Da!" I spun it towards the breakfast bar and was met by Emmett and Jasper. It figures, men are always the first to show up when they smell food.

"Bella, how are you this fine morning?" Jasper asked.

"Well, apart from the sore as hell part, I'm good." I snickered, it was not often that I got to share that kind of information with these two. Jasper would be grossed out and not want to know. Emmett on the other hand would probably hold out his fist for me to bump. He would be damn proud to know that his brother had fucked me sore.

And right on cue, Emmett held out his fist and Jasper covered his ears. I bumped Em's fist and served them breakfast.

My cell rang, so I pulled it from the pocket of my skirt. I was not surprised to find that it was Edward, I didn't need his tell tale ring tone to inform me.

"Hey, baby, you doing okay?" I answered it.

"I'm doing fine, what about you?" Edward asked.

"I think that this is going to be a great day, I have already grossed out Jasper and got a fist bump from Em, so I call that a win, don't you? And, might I add that this was before I even served them breakfast, so double points for me." Maybe instead of fucked me sore, he had fucked me stupid. That had to be the explanation for my happy mood, when less than two hours ago Edward had walked out the door for two full weeks.

"Fine, I concede double points to you for today. I wanted to check in and make sure things were good." His voice changed at the mid-point of his sentence.

"Edward, you don't have to worry about me. I'm fine, maybe still riding my euphoric high a little, but fine none the less. You call or text me when you get there, and be safe." I said to him.

"I will, I love you."

"I love you too."

I tapped the button to clear the screen and slid my phone back into the pocket of my skirt. I dove into breakfast, I didn't have any time to waste. I still had to do my makeup.

I rushed into the office and dropped my things down on my desk. I barely made it on time. Talking with Alice and Rosalie is now on my list of things that I'm forbidden to do on weekday mornings.

Charlotte popped her head into my office and smiled at me. I knew that smile, she wanted my answer. "Good morning sunshine, and how was your weekend? Wait, don't tell me. Edward whisked you away somewhere and promptly proceeded to sex you up. Several times!"

"Why Charlotte, you must be a mind reader. How on earth did you know that? Your talent truly intrigues me." I said in my best fake southern belle accent.

"A little birdie told me about your plans this weekend. Did you have fun?"

"I had Edward in a hotel room all to myself, that is a stupid question, of course I had fun. Wait, is dirty sex supposed to be fun?" Charlotte lunged and swatted me with some papers she had in her hand. We both fell back into our seats laughing.

"I'm glad that you had a good weekend. How did this morning go?"

"We just exchanged a small kiss and off he went. He called me about half way there. He is supposed to call when he gets there. It should be anytime." And as if on cue my phone chimed to notify me of a new text message.

I tapped the screen and opened up the message.

**B~**

**I'm here, I miss you already. **

**Don't know when I'll be done tonight, I'll call as soon as I can. **

**I love you, think about our future :)**

**Love always,**

**E~**

So, I texted in return.

**E~**

**I love you, I miss you already as well.**

**Call when you can.**

**I already am thinking about our future!**

**Love you back,**

**B~**

I tapped my phone to clear the screen and laid it down on my desk. When I looked back up at Charlotte, she was examining my face. Closely.

"You have it so bad for that boy. Damn good thing he is a whole lot younger than I am, or you would have some competition." She sighed and held her paperwork close to her chest.

"He asked me to think about our future late last night or early this morning sometime." My lips tingled just thinking about our time spent in bed together.

"Wow that is a big request from a guy. What else did he say?" Charlotte's eyes lit up.

"That he loved me, thanked me for loving him for who he is and not trying to change him. And just to think about what I wanted in our future together." I sighed; bliss swept its way through my body again.

"Well, not to knock you off of your high, but did you think about my request? I have to give Eleazar the name this afternoon. I would like it to be you, Bella. You deserve this promotion; you have worked so hard the entire time you have worked for us. In fact, you have achieved several goals that most of the other Junior Editors have still not met yet. Your ideas are brilliant and I really like you. I think you would make a great senior editor." Her eyes pleaded with me but I had stronger reasons to say no to this particular trip.

"Charlotte, I love my job and I enjoy working for you. I won't lie and say that the position doesn't interest me, because it does. Really does, but…I can't take this particular trip. Edward will be gone for two weeks, and then I will rush off for three more. I would go crazy without him for that long. I just can't."

"Oh, Bella. I was hoping that you would say yes. I was praying that it would coincide with some dates that Edward will be in Seattle and you would be free to come along. What does Edward have to say about the trip?" I knew what line of reasoning she was going to try to work.

"He said that I had supported him and he would support me. He told me to go and I declined. I'm ready for my life to settle into this nice little routine. I want to be with him and him with me. No more interruptions. I just can't do this one. But please don't hesitate to ask me next time. I do want the promotion. I just can't be away for that long without Edward." I slapped my forehead. I had become a cliché, the girl that can't function without her significant other. I was still proud of myself; it had not made me weak. I could still hold my head up high.

"I understand. I don't like it but I understand it. Thanks for giving it some thought. I will be back when there is another spot open for you. And who knows, you may still do something to dazzle us and get that promotion after all." She winked at me and left my office.

I worked as quickly as possibly throughout the whole day. I didn't take the time to stop or breathe. I wanted to finish this day as quickly as I could. Five o'clock certainly surprised me when it got here. I packed up quickly and headed home.

Alice called me on the way home and told me that she and Rosalie brought Chinese food for us. Emmett and Jasper would be at the gym, so we could do a movie night. I declined. I only wanted a hot bath and bed. I did not get anywhere near enough sleep last night.

Alice of course snickered when I said this out loud to her.

Not a moment too soon, I was fed, bathed, and in bed. My phone had beeped earlier and Edward said his good night by text. He said he would be at the hospital all night. He was in charge of monitoring a patient that had surgery earlier in the day. I shot him a quick text in return and turned off the light. As I closed my eyes his beautiful face floated before my eyes. I felt like I could reach out and touch his slight scruff along his jaw line. I hoped he was the main focus of my dreams.

* * *

**E/N: I am doing a big old fat happy dance around the room right now! I have three days until a small road trip with my Bestie will take me right to the feet of Bobby Long! The Bestie's birthday is Wednesday and Thursday we are traveling over to Athens, GA to see her fav Bobby Long! She loves him as hard as I love Rob, so off we go! I will have plenty of pictures so anyone who would like to see them are welcome to pm me and let me know who you are, I will be glad to share his sweet smile and sexy body! As always I would love to know what you thought about the chapter and any song rec's for me are welcome;) Till next time, be good!**


	26. Chapter 26 Breathless

**A/N: A big old fat thank you to Eternally Addicted, she held my hand through a case of writers block. She assured me that this chapter would come. She was right! It did, once I stopped stressing over it. By the way, for those of you who don't know...EA has a kick ass story of her own that I am so in love with, go and look it up~The Game that Changed it All! I love it more than I can say. She has also written a collaboration with Hope4More for TWCS called Going the Distance, it won Judges Choice! So go and read it, beg them both to turn it into a full story! Hope4More also has a wonderful emotional story that I am totally digging~ Taking You Home! Go and check it out as well. **

**Thanks for reading, reviewing, and fav'ing this story! I appreciate you all;)**

**Playlist:Breathless-Better Than Ezra (I like the version that Taylor Swift did for Haiti telethon), Your Love Amazes Me- John Berry, I Can't Stop Loving You- Sam & Ruby(Seriously like go and check out these two, they are amazing), More Than Anyone(Stripped Version) Gavin Degraw, With You-Jessica Simpson, Got It Right-Keith Urban**

**On with the show...**

* * *

Fresh from your wars  
Back from the edge of time  
And all that you were  
Stripped to the bone  
I thought you'd want to know

When you feel the world is  
Crashing all around your  
Feet come running headlong  
Into my arms  
Breathless.  
I'll never judge you  
I can only love you  
Come now, running headlong into my arms  
Breathless

Lay down your guns  
Too weak to run  
Nothing can harm you here  
Your precious heart  
Broken and scarred  
Somehow you made it through

I only ask that you won't go again

So glad to see you smiling  
So good to hear you laugh  
I think that you found you even missed yourself  
I'm only asking this cause I  
Think that truth be told  
Oh, you'll never go again

Better Than Ezra- Breathless

Chapter 26- Breathless

Bella's Pov

Edward's face flashed before my eyes. My subconscious knew deep down that this was a dream, but my body reacted just like he was here with me and actually touching me. The image my mind conjured up of him was exactly like he had looked this past weekend. His grey dress pants were hugging his hips, stretching across them just right. The blue of his shirt caused his eyes to sparkle, while his dress jacket hung across his shoulders. Edward had a way of looking good in everything he wore. Even a brown paper bag look sexy on Edward. Maybe it was because he wore his clothes with such ease, allowing his natural sexuality to come out and present itself.

I didn't know many women who could resist him. I even remember thinking that Mrs. Cope, our high school receptionist, had a thing for Edward. Her overly made up eyes would light up every time he made his way into the office to speak with her. She would bat her eyelashes at him and laugh a light, little giggle. I wanted to throw up at the thought of Edward and Mrs. Cope, but he thought it was funny that she acted so ridiculous. The man did not realize the daze he left in his wake amongst the female population of our school.

I only watched from the sidelines while Tanya made a big fuss over it. Edward laughed it off and tried to reassure Tanya that he only had eyes for her. I laughed to myself as I thought about how Edward and I ended up together after all of this time. I was the one person that Tanya focused on trying to keep as far away from Edward possible. Fast forward eight years and here we are together after all. Ha, eat shit, Tanya!

It was so easy to get lost in Edward's eyes and caught up in the way he makes my body feel. His hands were like pure magic, ghosting along my body. His skin created electric shocks to radiate along my limbs when he touched me.

I could remember the sensation from this past weekend as if it were occurring right now. Edward had held me close to his side during dinner. We hardly had space to eat properly, but you wouldn't find me complaining. I remembered how he had teased me as his pinkie finger slid under my corset top and caressed my hip at the super low waistband of my pants. The warm sensation combined with the wine had almost made me delirious with want. Amazing how such little contact could create the largest reactions. It was all in the anticipation of what was to come later. Perhaps Edward was aware of this demented sexual theory because he kept smirking when our eyes met.

We had managed to finish dinner without tearing each other's clothes off. Edward fed me chocolate cheesecake for desert with a sweet desert wine. That was my undoing. His eyes bore into me and I could feel him touching my soul as he watched me eat the luscious cheesecake. I actually blushed under his intense gaze.

Edward took my hand and led me back to the room after dinner. Neither of us talked, our bodies communicated everything we needed to say. Words would have simply not been enough.

When the door to our room closed, Edward pulled me against him. His rough hands were gently rubbing along the silky material of my top. He caressed it from the beginning of the material, his hands dangerously close to touching my breasts, all the way down the sides until he reached the hem. "Do you know what you do to me? Wearing this sexy top all evening, having no idea that I'm dying to touch you?" Edward panted; I could feel his breath skipping along my neck. He moaned from deep in his chest as he kissed my skin. His hands slowly slid down the front of my top this time and he stopped at the lower edge. Sliding his hands underneath the shirt and caressing the bare skin of my abdomen. The skin contact caused another moan from Edward.

"Come here, baby. Let me undress you." He pulled me further into the room and guided my body back onto the bed.

My body slowly came alive as his hands removed each item that I wore. He started with my jewelry. He removed my earrings, slowly sucking each earlobe into his mouth and panting directly over the wet skin. Then he kissed down the column of my neck until he reached my necklace. He gently lifted and pulled the necklace around to the front of my body and slipped the clasp away from my skin. His large hands stretched out and covered most of the exposed skin above my top. As he kissed my now empty neck, his hands slid down my arms and came to rest on my wrists. The left wrist was lifted and placed above my body on the bed. Then the right wrist was lifted. Edward stopped when he had it directly in front of his face. He removed the pearl bracelet, placed a small kiss onto the inside of my wrist. He moved lower to take my hand, slid the ring off of my middle finger and then kissed it gently, as well. He placed this arm on the bed along side of the other. Edward stood and placed all of my jewelry on the nightstand and came around to stand on the opposite side of the bed.

I tilted my head so that I could look up at Edward, as he was now standing above my head. He was removing his jacket. He slid it off and dropped it on the chair beside the desk. His arms and shoulders rippled with his movements and I thought of a sleek mountain lion; they both had such grace and elegance when they moved. Edward leaned over and kissed me on the mouth, my hands reached up to undo the buttons on his shirt. I wanted his bare chest before me, to feel it move against me. When his shirt was unbuttoned, he discarded it in the chair along with his suit jacket. He slipped his shoes off and bent over to remove his socks.

Edward stepped back around to my side of bed and placed himself in between my legs. Edward pulled each foot up to rest on his bare chest. He kissed each toe as he unfastened the strap on my shoes, and then repeated the action with the other foot. After my shoes were discarded, he placed my feet back on the ground, this time Edward was standing with his feet on the outside of each of mine.

I was mesmerized watching Edward pay homage to my body. He watched every movement I made, almost as if he were memorizing it, so he would have the image to call to mind while he was in Seattle.

His warm hand caressed the side of my chest as he eased the zipper of my top down my side. This particular shirt didn't need a bra, and I could feel my breasts slipping free of their confines as he pulled on the zipper. They certainly were begging for Edward's attention. This didn't escape his notice, he stopped to gently grab them and pay them some attention. I arched my back off of the bed and up into Edward's eager hands. I reached for the lower hem of my shirt and pulled it away from my body, leaving my chest exposed for Edward. He leaned down to nuzzle each breast as a moan escaped.

"Edward, I need you. Now," I panted.

He leaned back and immediately went to work on my pants. His strong hands pulled them down my legs and came right back for my underwear, sliding them away from my body just as quickly as he could.

"Damn, baby, you need to wear these again for me when I can appreciate them." He held up my lacy underwear and tossed them aside. His wicked smile was back. That was the smile that made me shiver in anticipation of what he had planned for me. I simply nodded at him.

When I was totally nude , I sat up and reached for the remaining clothing that he wore. I unbuckled his pants and allowed them to fall open along his hips. His skin called to me and I kissed every inch I could see exposed between his pants and his boxers. The small line of hair along his abdomen tickled my nose as I ran my tongue through it. Edward's hands came to rest on my shoulders, exerting just the smallest amount of pressure. My hands reached in to push his pants and boxers off at the same time. I ghosted them along his outer thighs and across his ass on the way back up to his chest.

Edward pulled me off of the bed and climbed into the middle. He sat cross legged and motioned for me to join him. I climbed across to him in the center of the bed and waited for his instructions. His hands grabbed my hips and pulled them towards his face. I raised my right leg and placed it on the far side of his leg as he pulled me down into his lap. His hands went directly to my hair, he smoothed it away from my face, pushing it over my shoulders and allowing it to flow down my back. He looked directly in my eyes and my heart was laid bare for him. It's like he could see into my soul, and I in turn could see into his as well. I felt inadequate. My head had formed a list of doubts about us. My soul stepped forward and pushed those doubts away, it knew that we were supposed to be at that exact place at that exact moment, together.

I rested my hands on Edward's shoulders as he gently lifted me and positioned me right where he wanted me. I felt his tip touch my body. His skin felt so warm and comforting to me. My head dropped back in anticipation of the pleasure that I knew was coming when our bodies joined. Edward slid me down his body until he was fully encased in me. He wrapped his arms around me and held me as close as our bodies could get to each other. I was able to look directly in his eyes as I rested my forehead against his. My feet were planted against the bed to provide leverage to move my body along Edward's. Very little movement occurred between the two of us. Our hands, arms, chests, and eyes stayed in the same position. They were all interlocked with each other, no desire to move at all. A slow steady rhythm, our bodies barely moved. But the intensity of the feelings provided the push we needed to make the climb towards release.

The next morning, the alarm sounded and I rose for another day. One down and 13 more to go. I showered and pulled my bra and underwear on. I never said anything to Edward but I planned to continue to send him the 'panty pictures' that he loved. After quickly snapping his picture, I sent it and rushed to get dressed.

Rosalie, Alice and Esme asked me to go to dinner with them after work. I was thankful for the distraction, as I didn't want to sit at home counting the hours until Edward came home. I knew that he was going to be super busy and I wanted to occupy my time as well. Besides, I needed some girl time to talk about the 'future' that Edward envisioned. I was scared that we were moving too fast, scared that we were swept up in the flood of strong emotions that occur at the beginning of a relationship. I wanted to talk this out with three of my best friends. I wanted their opinions. Actually it was more like I needed their opinions.

It seemed like some hours went by quickly, while others dragged. I had a hard time planning my day, I had my list of things I wanted to get done. Somehow at the end of the day, half of them were still left. I laid the list on top of my desk, grabbed the manuscript that I was editing and slid it into my bag. I grabbed my jeans and vest so I could change. I rushed into the bathroom, unzipped my skirt and slid my legs into my jeans. I fluffed my hair and slipped the vest over my white shirt. My shoes and jewelry still fit my outfit so I left the bathroom.

I was the last one to join the group. The guys were seated at the table as well. I was a little disappointed but tried to hide it. I wanted to talk about things and I knew that I couldn't with all of the guys there. Let's be honest, the saying 'Bro's before Ho's' was definitely true. And I don't know who said that guys don't gossip, because if I said a word tonight about our future, Edward would find out before I could even make it to my car in the parking lot.

"Well hello, girls!" I laughed. I couldn't pass the opportunity to at least get a dig in at the guys.

"My my, Bella. You are looking fine tonight. How did Edward like his panty picture today?" Emmett asked. I felt myself blush instantly and I knew that I should have known better than to allow Alice and Rosalie in on our panty picture secrets. They couldn't keep their mouths shut either. So, come to think of it I was totally screwed. No matter who I discussed this important topic with, Edward was going to find out.

"Hands off, Emmett, or I will have to tell my boyfriend that you made a pass at me. He won't like that at all; I can assure you of that. And who said you could discuss my panties in any form at all? I swear you can't trust a single Cullen family member! You all are the biggest bunch of gossips out there," I teased, looking from Rosalie to Alice.

They both threw their hands up in the air and proclaimed their innocence. "Don't look at us, you need to blame Eddie boy for this little reveal." My mouth dropped open in shock. I knew that he was close with Emmett and Jasper, but I didn't think he had revealed such intimate things to them. My face colored thinking of the other things he may have told them. I sat in my chair and pulled the menu open to block out my face. Everyone else took pity on me and scanned the menu as well.

After we ordered, we discussed our day. As Carlisle was telling us about a guy that came into the ER today with a crazy tale about how he injured his back while having sex on the toilet, my phone rang. I grabbed it quickly; I knew exactly who it was.

"Hello." I could hear the excitement in my voice.

"Hey love, how are you?" His voice sounded like heaven to my ears. I missed him far too much already.

"I'm good, you done for the day?"

He laughed a little at this comment. "Not even close, I just observed a surgery and now I am off to do rounds again. I have several patients that I need to check labs on and one that has to have his incision checked. So, no. I am nowhere near done here. I think it may be easier for me to run back to the hotel, shower and come right back. That way I can get some extra sleep here in the on call room. What about you, you in bed already?" I could hear the hopeful tone when he asked about me being in bed.

It was my turn to chuckle. I knew exactly what he was hoping for, it was not happening tonight. Especially after hearing that he shared my panty pictures with his brothers.

"No, I am at dinner with everyone." I held the phone out to the table. I spoke to everyone at the table. "Everyone, say hello to Edward." They all shouted out their greetings to him. I pulled the phone back to my ear.

"Tell them all hi for me, and tell Emmett that he is on restriction from texting me for at least three days. I got the stinky eye when I laughed out loud after reading his text. So, since I got in trouble he is as well." I turned to Emmett, grinning, and made a slashing motion across my throat. He must have known why he was in trouble because he slunk lower in his chair and turned red in the face.

I returned my focus back to Edward. "Was it a good surgery tonight?"

"Yeah, it was a new technique that they were trying to show us. It will help with patients that have had previous brain surgeries or that have lots of damage from injuries or accidents. It was interesting to watch. Tell Carlisle that I want to catch up with him tomorrow to talk about it. He can call me when he is free and we can chat about it. Enough about me, how are you? Did you have a good day at work?" I watched as everyone went on with their individual conversations, their voices lowered slightly to allow me to hear Edward. I appreciated their courtesy.

"Yeah, it was fine. I just felt so out of sorts, I couldn't manage my time very well. Some hours seemed to drag by and others seemed to fly. But it was good." I knew it was a lie and he knew it was a lie, but we both let it go. Silence hung between both of us. We had so much to say but most of it was simply, "I miss you."

My voice betrayed the sudden onslaught of grief that I felt; I wasn't sure how I would manage the whole two weeks. I felt so weak and powerless, unworthy of his love. I wasn't sure I was strong enough to be deserving of him, I couldn't even last two weeks without him. Each time I said goodbye to him it pulled a chunk of my heart away and left a big empty hole in its place. How had I gone from happy with Jacob to nothing to in over my head with Edward in such a short amount of time?

"Baby, don't. I'll be home soon. I love you more than anything and I can't wait to get back to you. I swear I will never allow anything to voluntarily take me away from you again. You will come with me next time, promise me. Please." He sounded so weak, and haggard. I was worried about how much he was eating and sleeping.

"You bet your ass I'm coming with you. Never again, promise me."

"Promise." His voice softened and my heart reacted to the sensual tone it gave off.

"And please promise me that you will eat and sleep as often as you can. I don't want you to come home tired and sick because you weren't taking care of yourself!" I tried to feign some anger in that sentence but I don't think that it came across correctly.

"But if I came home sick you could take care of me and we would spend a few days in bed together, I think that may benefit us both, so it sounds like being sick is a benefit not a hindrance. If you ask me, that is." Light and playful Edward was back.

"Well, since you put it that way, maybe you might be right. Just take care of yourself, okay?" I begged.

"Okay, I gotta go. Can I call you late tonight? It might be close to one or two?"

"You bet, sounds like a good time to have some phone sex." I snickered, really turned on at the thought of phone sex with Edward.

"Hmmmmm, why do you do this to me? I have to go and be in front of lots of people with a raging hard on! You don't play fair." My snicker turned into a full on laugh. "I love you, Angel. I'll talk to you tonight."

"I love you too." I replied as the family shouted their goodbyes to Edward as well.

We finished dinner and the guys beat a hasty retreat. They were whispering something about playing pool with a good beer, which we women wouldn't understand. We all waved them off and watched them go.

Our waiter brought out dessert and we all tucked in to have our girl talk.

"Okay, Bella, spill it. What is this big topic that we have to discuss? Which might I add that you have never called a 'Girl Talk Session' so it must be really big." Alice said as she picked off a huge bite of her cheesecake.

"K, well see the night before Edward left well…we were uh…you know, uhm, well laying in bed and he askedmewhatIsaw forusinthefutur e." I shoved a large bit of chocolate cake into my mouth to buy me some time before I had to answer the questions that they were sure to ask. Esme choked on her wine, Alice just started clapping and bouncing in her seat and Rosalie's mouth dropped open.

"Bella, Edward, our Edward, asked you what you wanted for your future? Did he mean like your future together, and if so what did you say?" Rosalie's eyes seemed almost ready to fall out of their sockets but she had managed to close her mouth.

"Well, I told him the truth." I shrugged.

"And what prey tell is your truth?" Esme questioned.

"That I didn't have it planned out. I spent so much time planning things when I was with Jake and look how well that worked out. So, this time I decided not to plan, just simply live in the moment. So, I don't have a 'future us' planned out yet." I shrugged and looked down to inspect my dessert.

"What did he say about that?" Alice burst in as soon as I finished my sentence.

"He seemed okay with it, he said that he understood that. He sort of felt that way all the way up until he got the call to go back to Seattle. And thinking about being away from me again made him think about it." I met Esme's eye across the table and I swear there were tears pooling in them. Her face lit up with happiness. She reached across and held my hand.

"So?"

"So…I want to think about it but I am too damn afraid of thinking about it and then it not happening. I mean, I don't know. Somehow it was so easy to make the decision to not be with Jake. Like I knew that I wasn't destined to end up with him. But with Edward it is different, so different on so many levels. I don't think that I could ever be okay if what we have ended. I just don't know how I would move on." I shook my head and looked around the eyes at the table. Each held a different emotion. "I am too afraid to let myself go there knowing that I won't make it back if we don't end up the way I dream about. Does that make any sense?" I hesitantly asked.

Esme cleared her throat before she spoke, "Bella, that is unfounded fear talking. I know that you were with Jake for a long time and you, at least at some point in that relationship, thought that you would end up with him for the rest of your life. But deep down your heart had to know that was not the truth or it would not have been so easy to move on without him. Granted, Edward came along very quickly and took up that part of your heart but still." I smiled remembering the feeling of seeing Edward again on the front porch that day. "Edward loves you, like really loves you. Look at all of the changes he has made so far. I can't think of a time when I have ever seen him so happy. From the moment he came to stay with Carlisle and me he was in pain, first from his parents' deaths, and then because he felt guilty for learning to love us while his parents were dead, he felt like he was betraying their memory. And of course you now know about all he went through during the never ending drama of being with Tanya. She always had him neck deep in something and he never had the chance to relax and just feel love. I think he is finally feeling that now. So, let go and imagine, plan, do, carry out. Show him that his progress was not for nothing. Show him your love and allow him to return all of his love. You won't regret it, I promise you won't." Esme squeezed my hand as a tear slid from her eye down her face. All I could do is nod at her.

"Is it too soon? I mean we haven't even been together for that long, are we moving too fast and just caught up in the emotions and not thinking clearly?" I twisted the fine linen napkin in my hands. I needed an outlet for my nervousness.

"Why would you think that, Bella?" Alice asked as she placed her hand on my arm.

I shrugged again, too afraid to say the words that I knew I should voice. "People will only think that I am with him for one reason. I mean look at him he's gorgeous, he's rich, and he going to be a doctor. They will assume all of the wrong things. It wasn't too long ago I was with Jacob, and to suddenly up and change my entire life, it looks wrong. I mean we all know that I had no idea that Edward was on his way here when I left Jake and moved in here. But they don't, and trust me they talk. Besides, can I really be good at this stuff? Look at the examples that I had, for crying out loud." I realized that my voice had gradually gotten louder and I had begun to wave my hands around like a mad woman. I dropped them back to my lap and pulled the napkin down with them. "Charlie and Renee were great parents but not the greatest role models for a lifetime of happily ever after. Charlie never moved on and Renee moved on every chance she got. I don't want to spend my life making either of their mistakes." I shuttered and drew in a deep breath. The occupants of the table had settled a little closer, almost as if they knew that this last sentence was going to be the hardest to say. "I don't know if I can trust myself. I do love Edward and I am so happy with him, but I was happy with Jake in the beginning as well." The tears had begun to fall in earnest now.

Esme and Alice clutched me from either side as Rosalie held my hand from across the table.

"Bella, you can't worry about the mistakes of your father and mother. Or your past mistakes either. You can only admit them, and then learn and move on. Otherwise you will drive yourself crazy. None of us are perfect, neither is Edward. He doesn't expect you to be." The tears continued to fall but I nodded against Esme's chest.

"Bella, other than Jasper, Edward is probably my best friend. I know all about the kinds of shit that Tanya put him through and how he dealt with it. Now, I realize that he has matured and grown a lot, he is no longer an immature teenager. But I never saw him have any of the reactions or deep emotions, or even the happiness that you bring out in Edward on a daily basis, when he and Tanya were together. Nothing is guaranteed, but if you don't take a chance on love you will certainly never find it. With risk there can be disappointment, but there can also be a great amount of reward. By not taking any chances in life, that would be repeating Charlie's mistake." Her words made sense and helped to easy my mind some. I still had plenty to decide but I knew that I could. In fact, I wanted to. I wanted the peace of knowing that Edward and I were on the same page in our own fairytale. I read it somewhere that the greatest love story is your own. My mind agreed with that. I just had to allow myself to see what I wanted for my own happy ever after.

I rushed home and got ready for bed as quickly as I could. I knew that Edward would not be calling me for a few hours but I wanted to be prepared just in case. I had already edited half of the manuscript that I had brought home from work when Edward called at about ten minutes before two.

"Angel, I am so sorry that I am so late. I got tied up again. Were you asleep?" His voice was no louder than a whisper.

"No, I promised Charlotte that I would have this manuscript finished by Friday so I was awake. You sound dead on your feet. Are you okay?" He chuckled.

"Yeah, I don't have to be in until two tomorrow, so I can sleep in. That will be like a mini vacation, I can assure you of that. I have been up by five in the morning at least the last three days. I can't wait. How was dinner?"

"Very informative, I can assure you of that." I tried to be subtle, I don't know why Edward always saw through me.

"Girl talk huh?"

"Well I think that you'll like the results. They helped a lot. The always do. I don't know what I would do without you or your family, Edward. I love them all so much."

"Whoa, you talk like you're going somewhere. You won't have to find out." His statement wasn't mean but it was forceful. "Bella are you happy?" He asked suddenly very pensive.

"Edward, of course I'm happy. I can't remember ever being happier, ever. Are you?"

"Yes, so happy. I was just worried that all of the baggage that we have already had to go through and then this separation would be too much for you. That perhaps you were having second thoughts about us. I just need to know how or what you're feeling, a little reassurance that you're okay. I love you so much and I just want you to be okay." He made a sound that wasn't quite a chuckle but not a sob either. "I'm sorry, I'm probably just a little sleep deprived and it plays tricks on your mind until you get used to it again. Just ignore my ramblings." He chuckled, it sounded normal this time.

I took a deep breath, I guess now was as good a time as any to share with Edward what I was feeling, especially since he seemed to need to hear it as much as I needed to say it. "Actually now is probably a good time for me to get this all out. After breaking things off with Jake, I felt a little lost. I was so worried when you and I started to feel the attraction to each other; I was worried that it was a rebound thing. I debated about it in my mind. But I have realized that when you left for Seattle that I was better with you than I was without you. I never felt like that when Jake went away for business, and there were times when he would go for a month or so. So, I know that the time frame had nothing to do with it. I need you, I love you and I can say that a future with you doesn't scare me. Alice said that if I didn't let my heart have the freedom to find love that I was certainly never going to have it. I can't repeat Charlie's mistake. I just can't. So, yes I am more than okay, Edward." I was giddy by the end of my speech, so happy to be able to tell him that I wanted him and his future.

"Baby, I'm so glad to hear that. And for the record, I'm just as overwhelmed as you are about this. I never expected to fall in love with anyone when I came back home, not to mention how hard and fast I have fallen for you. But I can't stay away from you, I have to be with you. My heart says so. The love I have for you feels so good and so right, I know that it was meant to be. I love you more than you will ever know."

My eyes were once again filled with tears at our declarations to each other.

"I love you too, so very very much, and I feel all of those things that you do too. Now go and get some rest before you fall over. Why don't you call me tomorrow when you wake up, that sound good?" I could hear the noise of the city faintly in the back ground of his phone.

"Sounds good to me, I love you."

"I love you too, Edward."

The phone line went silent and I laid it down on my nightstand. I turned to snuggle into Edward's pillow and breathed him in. I tried to focus on the smell so I could dream more of yummy sexy Edward.

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Let me know what you think!


	27. Chapter 27 Your Everything

**A/N: Wow, I can't believe that we are here! I think you will like this chapter;) I know that I had fun writing it, and it came real easy to me. **

**Thanks to the loves of my life~ Sonja for not bitching about the excessive use of commas even after 27 chapters! And to EA for all of the chats, pics, and extra words that make my stuff look good. You both are the best, EVER!**

**And as always...thanks to all of you who are reading, reviewing, and faving this story. You all keep me writing and I enjoy every word that I put out for you!**

**Playlist:Your Everything-Keith Urban, She's Everything-Brad Paisley, Bless the Broken Road-Rascal Flatts (I like the version that is on the Hannah Montana Soundtrack~it's acoustic), Home-Daughtry, When I Look At You-Miley Cyrus, When You Say You Love Me-Josh Groban**

**Outfits and such are on the profiles, go check them out.**

**

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****I wanna be the wind that fills your sails and be the hand that lifts your veil;**

**Be the moon that moves your tides, the sun coming up in your eyes;**

**Be the wheel that never rusts and be the spark that lights you up;**

**All that you've been dreaming of and more, so much more;**

**I wanna be your everything.**

**When you wake up, I'll be the first thing that you see;**

**And when it gets dark you can reach out to me;**

**I'll cherish your words and I'll finish your thoughts;**

**I'll be your compass baby when you get lost. **

**I wanna be the wind that fills your sails and be the hand that lifts your veil;**

**Be the moon that moves your tides, the sun coming up in your eyes;**

**Be the wheel that never rusts and be the spark that lights you up;**

**All that you've been dreaming of and more, so much more;**

**I wanna be your everything.**

**I'll be the wheel that never rusts, the spark that lights you up;**

**All that you've been dreaming of and more, so much more;**

**I wanna be your everything, I wanna be your everything, I wanna be your everything.**

**Keith Urban-Your Everything**

**Chapter 27- Your Everything**

**Edward's POV**

I had finally drug my ass through the last two weeks and I was headed home to see Bella this afternoon. I had a few errands to run and then I was headed back to Forks. Back to Bella.

We had talked every day, if not several times per day, while I was gone. I loved the talking; it allowed us to get to know each other more intimately. I wanted to know everything about her, from the mundane to the deepest secrets. And for the first time in my life I had found someone that I wanted to share these things with. For so long I felt like I had to keep parts of myself closed off, not sharing them with anyone. That wasn't the case any longer.

Bella and I talked about my parents and the night I lost them. I shared with her the helplessness and loneliness that I felt. I shared the struggles of learning to care for my new family, and how to balance those feelings without losing what I had with my parents. I wanted Bella to know them and love them like I did. It was important to me that she loved them, even without knowing them.

I grabbed my keys and threw my bag over my shoulder. I scanned the room making sure I hadn't forgotten anything, and left. I mentally clicked off my list of things to do before I left Seattle, there was no way I wanted to make a mistake and not finish everything so I could rush home to her.

_Talk with James about the apartment_

_Speak to the Chief about reporting to Forks General _

_Go and get Bella's gift_

_Drive like a bat out of hell to get home to Bella_

List was short and sweet, not so much that the tasks would drive me out of my mind. First things first, head to the hospital. That way I could take care of James and the Chief at the same time.

I stopped at the nurse's station and asked them to page James for me. I didn't want to waste time looking for him on my own. He walked around the corner, head buried deep in a chart. James and I had missed seeing each other the past two weeks while I was here. He was in Oncology while I was doing the rotation for Neurology. Between the surgeries and his Chemo patients, we were both too busy to hang out.

"Dude, what's up? I thought I missed you, I heard you were heading home today." He reached his hand out to bump mine.

"I am, but we need to talk before I go. I uh, well I'm not going to be taking the room after all. I'm heading back to Forks Gen to finish most of my rotations. I'm really sorry; I know that you need the help with money so I will gladly pay a few months to help out until you can find someone else to take my spot." I scratched the back of my neck. I hated leaving James in a lurch like this; he was so good to offer me the room.

"I guess I can't blame you for turning down the room, man what I would give to head home and do my rotations there. That's cool though, Laurent had a guy ask him yesterday about the room. I will have him call him and see if he is still interested. So don't sweat it, you stop by and see me when you get back in town here, okay?" He face showed no signs of distress or anger that I was backing out on him. I thought that given the chance we could really become good friends. I would make a point to look him up and hang with him the next time I was back in Seattle.

"Will do, thanks for the offer. I really appreciate you helping me out. Beers on me next time I'm in town." I motioned between him and me and then threw my fist out for his customary fist bump. He returned the bump and I turned to go.

"Got to go and see the Chief, tell Laurent I'll see him later for me."

"Sure thing; take care Cullen."

I trotted off down the hall and found the Chief looking over the surgery boards. I stood back and gave him his time to work out the schedule for all of the surgeries he had to get organized. I noted his concentration he gave to the list and the careful way he marked down the surgeries and doctors that were to perform them. The love for his job showed in his devotion to this small task. I was glad for the chance to work with him and learn from him, even if it was a short time.

I shifted my weight and caught his attention.

"Edward, I am so sorry I didn't know you were there. Have you been waiting long?" His polite apology showed me even more of his character.

"I was waiting for you to finish, I know how important it is to get this right," I motioned towards the surgery board as I said this. "Take your time, I'm good." I nodded.

He turned back with a smile on his face and quickly applied the few remaining names to the board. Then he stood back and looked it over one more time. Nodding his satisfaction, he turned back to me and we began to walk down the hall together.

"So, you're off to Forks again." I nodded at him. "Does it worry you that you will miss out on things in a smaller hospital? Miss the large scale traumas that you would see here for example?"

"No sir. Carlisle moved to Forks about 15 years ago. He has worked in big trauma hospitals before and Esme worried that he would get bored. She would ask him every night at dinner how his day was, and if he missed the big city. He always responded the same way. He would say 'Esme, people get hurt here just like they do in the big city. I see just as much blood, guts and trauma now as I did then. Only now, I know the names and families of the people that come in here hurt. It makes saving them that much more special when I know them and see them later in the bank or grocery store. I can keep up with their lives and know that I truly did make a difference.' That's what I want, Chief, I want to know the people that I work on, to have that extra push to save them. I don't regret this." I met his eyes and allowed him to search my soul to find any hidden regret in there. He wouldn't find it in there at all, I truly didn't regret going back home to Forks at all.

He clapped me on the back and led us back toward his office. We sat down at his desk, he on one side and me on the other. He explained the paperwork, the schedule and how often I would have to report back to him. I was basically at Carlisle's mercy. Chief would make several trips out to Forks to check on me and I would have to come back a few times to rotate through the divisions that Forks General didn't offer me. My heart clinched at the thought of driving away from Forks again, I would worry about that when the time came. Hopefully it would be with Bella at my side. Once everything was signed, and I shook the Chief's hand, I left Seattle Memorial. My bags were in the car and I had checked out of the hotel, so I simply had to buy Bella's gift. That was the last task standing between me and home.

I drove until I found the store I was looking for, parked and paid the meter for two hours. I opened the door and was greeted right away.

"Good afternoon, sir, welcome to Banks Jewelry. What may I help you find today?" The sales associate was a very attractive girl. She had brown hair and pretty green eyes. All I kept thinking was her hair was the wrong shade of brown and her eyes lacked the beautiful specks of gold that Bella's had. I officially knew that I was gut hooked. She was the only thought in my head, ever.

"Thank you, I need to look at some engagement rings, please. Something unique, my Bella deserves something out of the ordinary." I smiled just knowing how much I wanted this, the feel of that little box in my pocket, waiting for the right time to ask her. I wasn't nervous at all, I was ready. To hell with the time factor, when it was right it was right.

"My name is Kate and it would be my pleasure."

"Edward," I replied and followed her as she began to walk away.

I followed her to the display against the far wall. It took up the entire back half of the store. I was glad that I came here, they certainly had plenty to choose from. Kate was talking about the different aspects of a diamond and how to choose the right one.

"What price range are we asking about today?" She asked gently, trying not to offend me.

"I haven't really thought about it, will this help?" I slid the black American Express card out of my wallet and her eyes lit up.

"Well, let's move down here, I have a few that I think you will like."

She showed me several that were all wrong, they were too modern and too ordinary. I knew from listening to Alice, Rosalie and Esme talk all through the years. I knew enough to talk my way around and get close to what I was looking for.

"Kate, I'm looking for something with a slight antique style to it. I don't want it too big because she's not that kind of a girl, but I want it big enough to let her know she is worth it to me. I would prefer a cushion cut stone, maybe with some side stones. I like white gold or platinum better, no yellow gold. Bella's skin is like porcelain and she needs the silver tones to accentuate it. What do you have like that?" I ran my hand through my hair, perhaps I should have waited until I could bring Alice or Rosalie with me.

Kate held up her finger and strode off towards a door at the back of the store. A few minutes later she emerged with a tray of rings. All were silver toned, so she got at least part of my request right. I started in the top left hand corner and picked each one up. The entire top row was all round stones, so I was able to put them back down rather quickly. I glanced down and noticed a ring about middle of the tray. I skipped right to it. My mouth fell open and I lost all thought. It was perfect. The ring was everything that I wanted for Bella. I reached a shaky hand towards it. Kate's eyes lit up.

"Good choice. That ring is beautiful." She launched into her sales woman speech, quoting the qualities of the ring that I should fall in love with. Little did she know that I had already fallen in love with it. "**The enormous 2.0 certified Princess cut center diamond is a breathtaking F-G color grade and sparkling, eye clean VS2-SI1 clarity grade that shines and shimmers in its glamorously unique setting. This is a 14kt white gold, hand crafted setting channel set with 16 princess cut G/H - VS2/SI1 diamonds surrounding the center diamond, 2 trapezoid diamonds flanking and the round diamonds encrusting the lower band just adding the finishing touch to this engagement ring work of art. The weight of the side stones is 1.07 carats. The total weight of this ring is 3.07 carats. Give her this ring and she's sure to say YES!"**

I held the ring in my hand and just stared at it. I turned it over in my hands looking at it from all sides. It had accents and small diamonds on the front and back side of the center mount. The band was the perfect width, not too large for Bella's small delicate hands. I could close my eyes and easily picture Bella wearing this ring. It only had one test to pass, the family test. I held up my phone and snapped three pictures of it. I inserted them into a text and sent it to Alice, Rosalie and Esme.

"Kate, can you give me a minute here, please." She nodded and removed the tray of rings in front of me. She left me holding the ring in my hand, sitting on the stool leaning against the counter, lost in the amazing feeling of holding Bella's ring.

My phone rang and I answered it without thought. Alice was screaming in my ear so loud that I have to pull the phone away from my ear.

"Alice, you have to quit yelling or I can't talk to you. I need you rational right now, please. I can't think straight and I need you to make sure that I'm not making a mistake here." I gulped the bubble of emotion back down my throat and tried to speak again.

Alice immediately shut up and I heard Rosalie fighting for the phone.

"Edward is that what I think that is?" Rosalie asked a little stunned.

"If you're thinking that it is Bella's engagement ring, then yes, that is what you think that is. Do you think she will like it? I know she's going to say that it's too much but I really don't think that it is. I want to see her wearing it, Rose, I really do."

"Hold on Edward, Alice wants me to put us on speaker phone so she can hear as well."

"Tell her that she can't yell anymore, not a peep or I will hang up and not tell either of you anything I swear it."

"I promise, Edward." Alice's tiny little girl voice almost whispered back to me via speaker phone.

"Okay now spill, what the hell brought this on?" Rosalie demanded.

"I asked Bella about our future before I left for Seattle, and over the last two weeks we have talked about it, a lot. I felt like it was the right time, besides where in Forks can I get a ring like this? Wait, I'm getting another call, hold on." I glanced at the display and realized that it was Esme. I answered it and found her sobbing on the line.

"Esme, are you alright? Did I upset you?"

"Don't be crazy, I love it. I am so happy that you are buying Bella a ring. For years Edward I have wanted you two to end up together, to bring peace and happiness to each other. A mother knows these things, and I just knew that you both were soul mates. I never doubted it for a second. Does she know?"

"No! She has no idea. I have to plan the perfect proposal, I just wanted to shop for it here in Seattle, I knew the selection would be so much better than in Forks. Do you like it?" I had so many emotions running through me; I wasn't sure what I would do if they didn't like it. I was totally in love with it and wanted it.

"It is perfect for Bella. You know her so well. You know she will say it's too much, right?" I chuckled.

"I know, I told Alice and Rosalie the same thing. Oh, Esme, Alice and Rosalie are on the other line. I guess I had better get back to them. I will call you on the way back to Forks; you can talk to me and keep me company during the ride."

"Sounds good, I love you Edward. You make me so proud, really proud." Esme's voice broke several times during her sentence, it caused the same reaction in me. I knew Esme was proud to be a mother to all of us and loved us just as much as if she had carried each of us in her body.

"I love you too, mom." I rarely called her that and I think it made the times more special when I did.

"Bye" she whispered, and disconnected the line.

My phone beeped to signal the call holding with Rosalie and Alice. I connected with them again.

"Sorry, that was Esme. I had to let her do her thing, you know," I said sheepishly.

"We all get outranked by Esme, no worries. So, what did she say?"

"She said it was perfect and that she always knew that Bella and I were destined to be together. She cried and told me she loved me. I told her I loved her as well and called her mom." Alice and Rosalie gasped together. They both knew how seldom I used that word.

"Oh Edward, now I'm crying," Alice cried.

"Do you both really like it? Will Bella like it?" I was giddy, and it already was killing me to not be able to ask her. I wonder if I could show up and just drop down on one knee and ask her in her office. I negated that idea as soon as it formed. I knew it would kill me to wait but I had to do this right for her. She needed to see how much I loved her. How much I needed her. How much I couldn't live without her. She had become my whole life.

"She will love it." They both said in unison, causing me to chuckle just a little at their excitement. I saw Kate glance back over towards me and I nodded at her.

"I have to go, girls, I am going to pay for this and head home. Thanks for your help, I really appreciate it."

"Any time, Edward, that's what we're here for." The sentiment was the same one I had heard thousands of times before, but the voice was unusual. I usually heard it from Alice, Emmett or even Jasper, very rarely from Rosalie. That gave the words more weight. Everyone who knew her knew she wasn't really the cold hearted bitch that she was made out to be. She just didn't show her emotions as freely or as easily as the rest of us. But when she did, you knew that it was important to her. So by her showing it now, when I am about to make one of the biggest decisions of my life, it really meant a lot to me.

I hung up just as Kate arrived back in front of me.

"Have you made a decision, sir?"

"I have, I will take it and I need a band to go with it. What would you suggest?"

"Excellent choice, sir. I think an eternity band would work well with this setting. I have an eternity band that has the same stones as the band on this ring. I think it would match well, and look beautiful. Would you like to see it?" I nodded my head in acceptance of her suggestion. She slid Bella's ring on her pinkie finger and we moved farther down the display case.

Kate pulled out a band that had diamonds around the entire circle. I guess that is what she meant by eternity band. She slid the engagement ring off of her hand and held her hand out for me to hand back the eternity band. She slid them both on side by side on a mannequin hand. The effect of them together was even better than before. They would be stunning on Bella.

"Edward, I do believe that you have exquisite taste, these two together are breathtaking."

"Just like my Bella. I will take them both." I dropped my card again for her and was never happier about the money that my parents had left me. I never thought about it much, I used it when I needed and moved on. But just this once I wanted to say a small prayer of thanks that they had the intelligence to take care of me long after they were gone. To provide me the small pleasures in life, such as picking out a beautiful ring for the love of my life without worrying about the cost. Simply buying her what she deserved.

My mind began to try to formulate a plan on how to ask her to marry me. It was too much to take in right now. I decided to get back home to her, relax a little and then worry about the plan later.

Kate returned with my credit card slip, and my purchases. I signed my name with confidence, and then tucked the receipt and card back into my wallet.

"Both rings are guaranteed for life, and come with an appraisal already completed. Simply forward the appraisal to the insurance company and they can insure them properly for you. We will be happy to inspect and clean these for you at any time and of course feel free to bring them back if they were to ever need any work done to them. We have three certified jewelers on staff that can do all repairs on site. So, we can take care of anything you will ever need in the future." She smiled and extended the bag to me. I took it as she offered her hand to me. "Congratulations Edward. Your Bella is a lucky woman to have a man that is so in love with her. I wish you both all of the happiness and a long life together." I shook her hand and made a bee line for the door. I wanted to be on the road to Bella now.

I returned to my car to see five minutes left on the meter. I opened the door, dropped into the seat and eased the car into traffic.

The rings were burning a hole in my right pocket and the phone was burning a hole in my left. I knew the phone was the safer option, so I called Bella to let her know that I was on my way home.

It rang exactly a half a ring when she answered.

Bella's pov

"Hello," I whispered breathlessly.

"Bella are you okay?" Edward's voice sounded like pure, sweet silk.

"I'm fine, just a little anxious waiting on you to call me. I can't wait to see you."

"You should only have about two hours and about thirty minutes until I hit the Forks City limits sign. Can you duck out of work early? I can't wait to see you, please tell me that you can." He seemed intense, and anxious for some reason. I wanted him in my arms, and then I would ask him what was wrong. Maybe he was as worked up about his absence as I was. I hoped he was. I know it sounds kind of wrong to hope that he was sad or depressed about it, but I am a human and I wanted him to miss me as much as I missed him.

"Yeah, Charlotte has already told me to take off as soon as you got close. I guess she knew that I would be of no use to her if you were back here in Forks. I don't know what gave her that impression." I teased lightly, trying to change his mood.

"I have no idea, but it's a good thought. You finish things up there and I will call you just before I hit Port Angeles and you can meet me at home. Should I call the others and tell them if they know what's good for them they will stay away?" He teased right back. I breathed a sigh of relief; I wanted tonight to be about us reconnecting without any negative feelings in our way.

"Nah, we will have plenty of time before they get home to enjoy ourselves. Then I will make us some dinner and we can enjoy our evening before we go right back to bed and enjoy our night."

"Sounds wonderful, Angel. I can't wait…I love you, Bella, more than you will ever know."

"I love you too. Call me and I will meet you at home."

"Okay."

I disconnected the call and worked like a mad woman. I quickly went through all of my emails and responded to them. I cleared my desk of any paperwork that couldn't wait until tomorrow and locked the three drafts that I was working on in my desk drawer. I wasn't taking any work home tonight. I wouldn't even think of work tonight, of that I was sure. They would be safe in the locked, fire proof desk drawer at work. Tomorrow was another day. I walked down the hall to Charlotte's office. I informed her that all of my work was wrapped up and I was heading home for the day. She smiled and nodded at me.

"He must be on the way home, the flush on your cheeks tells on you. Go and enjoy your night with Edward. Will I see you tomorrow?"

"Sure, I don't see why not."

"Well, just don't be afraid to stay home and take care of business if you need to." She snickered like a little girl and actually hid her smile behind her hand.

This caused me to snicker as well.

"I will." I said as my phone rang again. My eyes lit up as Charlotte called for me to get out of her office and go home.

I answered the phone as I was running back down the hall towards my office.

"Hello."

"Hurry, baby, I'm only about twenty minutes from you. I can't wait to see you."

"I'm leaving now."

"I love you."

"And I love you too."

We hung up, even though we wanted to talk to each other. I was afraid that I was too distracted to rush home and talk at the same time. We both decided that we didn't want to cause an accident so I reluctantly hung up.

_Only ten minutes until you see his face! Only ten minutes until you see his face!_

_Only ten minutes until you see his face! Only ten minutes until you see his face! Only ten minutes until we are in each other's arms! _

And before I knew it, I saw his Volvo turn into our driveway right in front of me. We had timed it perfectly, neither of us would have to stand around and wait for the other to arrive. Edward and I accelerated slightly down the driveway and came to an abrupt stop at the end. He jumped out of his car and ran to mine. He yanked the door open and barely gave me time to remove my seatbelt before he yanked me up into his arms.

He kicked the car door closed with his foot and rushed towards the front door. I held my key out to him and he unlocked the door, while still holding me against him. I kissed him along his chest and across his shoulders. He paused to slam the front door and immediately began unbuttoning his dress shirt.

We made a trail from the front door all the way up to our room. By the time we reached the bed we were both naked. Edward laid my down on the bed and immediately placed his body over mine. I gasped at the warm contact of his body with mine. We gazed at each other, lost in our own separate thoughts. I could see the love and happiness emanating from Edward and tried to return those feelings to him.

Edward tilted his head slightly and made contact with my lips. It was a slow, passionate kiss, one that held the pent up emotions of the last two weeks. That released them all and allowed us to focus on the pleasure that we were giving each other right now in this moment.

I moved my legs and wrapped them around Edward's waist. I gasped against his mouth when his body made contact with my sensitive, heated core. There would be no need for any wasted time on foreplay; I was ready for Edward right now.

"Oh, Edward, I've been waiting for this for two weeks. I can't wait to feel you again."

"Bella, oh, Bella." He whispered as he entered me.

I gasped again at the warmth and fullness. Edward hesitated slightly but I pushed him deeper with my heels. I wanted him as deep as he could get. His head dropped down to my shoulder as he wrapped his arms under my shoulder blades and back up over my shoulders. He held me in place below him, and I loved the protective, almost dominant way he made love to me.

I turned my head to face his on my shoulder. There was no rhythm or rhyme to our love making, it was slow then fast, hushed then vocal, relaxed then rushed. It was whatever our bodies required, no thought was put in the actions only feelings. Our lips maintained constant contact, sometimes kissing sometimes just touching. I could feel Edward's thrusts falter and knew that he was almost there, this alone fueled my fire. The simple knowledge that I made him feel the exact same way that he made me feel when we were together spurred my orgasm as it ripped through my body and left me completely weak and motionless. Edward continued to thrust several more times when I felt him empty into me. My body crested another peak as it exploded into a second orgasm of epic proportions; Edward continued to fuel the fire with the steady thrusts of his body into mine.

We were wrapped up in each other's arms, touching and caressing each other when we heard the first car pulling down the driveway. We both sighed and began to move off of the bed.

After I finished dressing and descending the stairs, I noticed that Jasper had made his way into the house. He carried Edward's suitcase, messenger bag and car keys with him.

"Sort of looks like someone was in a hurry!" Jasper smiled at the two of us, probably enjoying my blush at his statement.

"You bet your ass I was. Thanks for the help." Edward moved to take the bags from Jasper.

"Nah, I got 'em. You two need more privacy? 'Cause I can call the others and take them out for a few hours and keep them busy for you." I blushed again.

"Bella was actually planning to make some dinner for everyone. Unless you want to eat out, if so then be my guest. We will enjoy our quiet night in." Edward ran his hand up and down my left arm, I broke out in chills.

"You all are perfectly welcome to stay in with us if you want. We don't care, really." I told Jasper. I knew that Jasper along with the rest of the family were all as anxious to see Edward as I was. Especially Carlisle, I knew he wanted to talk to Edward about his time. Talk shop with him.

"If y'all are sure then that's fine with me. I won't ever turn down Bella's cooking. Let me go and set these down and I will come and help you both in the kitchen." Jasper moved off up the stairs and we both moved towards the kitchen.

"Hey, call Carlisle and Esme and invite them. I'm making pasta and there's plenty for them, too. Besides Carlisle is dying to talk with you about your time. I'm gonna check the pantry and make sure that I have everything that I need to make dinner before Rose and Alice head home."

"Well, well, look what the cat dragged in!" Emmett boomed from the kitchen doorway. He rushed towards Edward, and scooped him up in a big bear hug. Edward hung helplessly from Emmett's arms. He had trapped Edward's arm down at his sides. He had no way to push away. Emmett dropped his feet back onto the floor and punched his shoulder. "Man, I am so glad that you are home. Bella has been a total bitch and she has burned everything that she has cooked. I think that I lost about 10 pounds. She is definitely off of her game." My mouth fell open in shock. Emmett was lying through his nice white teeth, I ran at him with the spatula and began to smack him about his head and chest.

"You take that shit back, you are so lying. Take it back right now, Emmett McCarty Cullen!" Edward and Jasper just stood back and watched the ass kicking I was giving Emmett. Though to be fair, Emmett never even tried to defend himself. He simply took it and laughed. I don't really think it was much of an ass kicking in the grand scheme of things, but still it brought me some pleasure to be doing it.

"Fine, fine. I was lying, she hasn't burned a thing and she was as sweet as pie." Emmett held his hands up over his head in surrender, so I backed off from him.

The guys started talking at the breakfast bar as I scanned the pantry for my ingredients. I loaded my arms and when I reached for the last item, I dropped several I had. Edward made his way over, still talking with Emmett and simply took all of the things from me. He carried them over to the stove and set them all down, smiled at me and returned to his original seat. It moved me to see him so focused on his conversation but still have room in his mind to know when I needed his attention or help.

Edward called Carlisle and Esme and I called Alice and Rosalie. Both were already on their way over. The beers came out for the guys as they kept talking and I kept cooking. I enjoyed the rowdy atmosphere in the kitchen. It struck me how perfect this kitchen was for our family. Large enough that we could occupy the space without feeling clustered in. I was at peace with my life and happy with my family.

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**E/N: So? What did you think? Press that little button there and let me know. I wanna know what you all think of the yummy new haircut that RPattz is sporting. Do you love it, hate it or just don't care? I, personally love it. It makes me think of Soldierward in Silver Strand Nights! If you aren't reading that one you need to be;) There a chat topic and a rec all in one paragraph! **

**Until next week!  
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	28. Chapter 28 Cry

**A/N: Well people here we are again, I can't believe you all are still here! I love you so much for hanging with me;) We all need to get together and have some fun times together, let's schedule that soon! What do you say, wanna hang out? Yeah, me too!**

**Thanks to EA and Sonja, you both are the best. Another thanks to gitgit~she is my marathon reviewer this week. Your words inspire me and make me want to write faster so keep them coming. To the rest of you reading, reviewing, faving, and putting me on alert~I owe you all a big fat thank you, you mean the world to me, seriously!**

**Now...You are not going to be happy with this chapter, I am warning you that now. But it has to be done, sorry:( Read on and at the end let me know what you think, I can take it! This chapter was hard to write but yet at the same time it was so much fun. Don't know what that says about me!**

**Playlist:Cry-Kelly Clarkson, Fearless(iTunes Session)-Colbie Caillat, I Hate Everything About You(Acoustic Version)-Three Days Grace**

**Now on with the show...

* * *

  
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If anyone asks  
I'll tell them we both just moved on  
When they all stare  
I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk  
Whenever I see you, I'll swallow my pride and bite my tongue  
Pretend I'm okay with it all  
Act like there's nothing wrong

Is it over yet  
Can I open my eyes?  
Is this as hard as it gets  
Is this what it feels like to really cry, cry

If anyone asks  
I'll tell them we just grew apart  
Yet what do I care  
If they believe me or not  
Whenever I feel your memory is breaking my heart  
I'll pretend I'm okay with it all  
Act like there's nothing wrong

Is it over yet  
Can I open my eyes?  
Is this as hard as it gets  
Is this what it feels like to really cry, cry

I'm talking in circles  
I'm lying, they know it  
Why won't this just all go away?

Is it over yet  
Can I open my eyes?  
Is this as hard as it gets  
Is this what it feels like to really cry, cry, cry

Kelly Clarkson-Cry

**Chapter 28- Cry**

**Bella's POV**

I turned the alarm off as soon as it beeped. Edward was still lying by my side, sound asleep. Neither my alarm nor the fact that I got out of bed caused him to move a muscle. I stood by the bed and gazed down at him, his face so perfect in sleep. The wrinkles of stress and lack of sleep were now gone. It was him, with all of his barriers down. I wanted to call in sick and go back to bed with him, but I knew deep down if I did that he would spend the time exerting himself and not resting, so I moved off towards the shower. He was exhausted and I knew that while he would not mind 'exerting' himself, but I also knew he needed rest after the crazy last two weeks he had. If I could just make it through the work day and allow him to rest then we could spend all evening exerting ourselves. I adjusted the water to the perfect temperature and threw my hair up into a bun, as I no longer had time to wash and dry it. I'll wear it as it is. It still looked good, surprising since I spent all of last night and part of yesterday in bed with Edward. I shuddered at the way I could still feel his lips, his fingers and his body.

I knew we were soul mates; we were the stuff that they write fairy tales about. I felt connected to him in every way possible. We had history, we had chemistry, and we had each other. I smiled as I dropped the robe and stepped into the shower.

My hand involuntarily ran over my body and stopped at my breasts. They were slightly sensitive from all the attention that Edward graced them with yesterday, but I still longed for more. I pinched the right nipple and reveled in the tingles that shot up and down my torso.

"Now, now what do we have here?" Edward drawled lazily. I turned to see that he stood behind me, as he peeked into the shower to watch me. I reached out and grabbed his shirt to pull him in with me. As his lips made contact with mine he pulled his pajama pants off, and yanked his t-shirt off as I let go to catch my breath. Within a matter of seconds he stood in the shower with me, obviously very happy to be there.

"I turned over and realized that you were gone, I heard the shower. I walked in here to find you in the midst of replacing me." His face held a look of disapproval and he slightly shook his head from side to side, making a tsk'ing noise.

"No, baby, not replaced, I just merely wanted to recreate what we had. That's all. I can almost still feel your hands on me. I wanted more, but I didn't want to wake you. You need your sleep," I said all of this as I kissed along his now wet torso and ran my hands up and down his luscious skin. When I glanced back up at him, the disapproving look on his face had been replaced by a hopeful one.

"Recreate, huh?"

I nodded.

"Why don't you recreate and I'll just watch."

I turned our bodies around so that Edward stood under the shower spray and I was able to lean against the back wall of the shower. I placed my feet about shoulder width apart and trailed my hand down to my wet center. I closed my eyes and arched my back off of the cold tiles; a small hiss escaped my mouth when I passed over my clit.

"That's it, Bella, show me how you like it. Show me how to please you." Edward grunted, I opened my eyes to see him stroking himself. Slow, steady strokes that drove me just as insane watching him as my touches were.

I increased my pace and force against my clit as I slid two fingers from my other hand inside of me. Edward threw his head back against the tiles of the far wall and groaned. His hard cock twitched as he also increased his strokes.

My head fell off to the side and rested on my shoulder as I felt my knees weaken. I suddenly worried that I would fall in the slick wet shower and kill myself.

I pushed the thought aside as I felt Edward's hand pull my hand out of me. I opened my eyes to question him. He had dropped to his knees. His hand pulled my right leg up over his shoulder and immediately ran his tongue along my soaked pussy. He traced each side and then swirled his tongue along my clit. I felt him stop at my opening and push his tongue in as far as he could. He yanked his tongue out and slid two fingers in. His lips sucked my clit into his mouth and gently bit down, applying pressure to it. I immediately came all over his fingers, my legs twitched, and my body moaned and keened in uncontrollable ways. He sat back with a very satisfied look upon his face. I noticed the glistening juices smeared all over his face. I leaned in and licked up the side of his jaw. His eyes filled with dark lust and desire as he grabbed my face. When his lips met mine he forced his tongue into my mouth, and I sucked it in further. The feel of Edward's tongue that was covered with my orgasm was indescribable. It fueled a fire that I thought was already put out.

Edward's hand landed on my hip, and he forced my body further away from his. I was spun around to face the shower wall as his hand pressed slightly in the center of my back as he forced me to lean forward. His feet kicked my feet further apart as he yanked my hips back onto his rock hard cock.

"Fuck!" I exclaimed. This was home; this was where I wanted to be.

After only two or three pushes Edward had me coming again. He held my body upright while he thrusted into me. I hung on for dear life and wondered if you could be fucked to death. All too soon, Edward pushed in as far as he would go and held his entire body, except for his twitching penis, still.

"Fuck, Bella! Fuck! Damn, that's good." I giggled at his ranting.

I now had no choice but to wash my hair, since it was soaking wet after our shower escapades. Once I had finally managed to wash my hair, dry off and get some clothes on before Edward tried to convince me once again to stay home.

"No, you need more sleep. I will work, you will sleep and then we can have dinner together, okay?" He nodded as I grabbed my bag and ran out the door.

Charlotte was thankfully in a meeting with the big bosses when I arrived twenty minutes late for work. The secretary just winked and handed me my messages. I tried my hardest to work off the adrenalin that was left in my body from the sex this morning. I worked like a mad woman. My to-do list was finished by 11:45. I decided to head off to lunch. I stopped by the secretary's desk again to let her know where I would be.

"Hey Siobhan, would you please let Charlotte know that I have gone out to get some lunch and run an errand. I will be back in an hour."

"Don't worry about it, they just had me call for some lunch for them, they won't be out before two or three. Take your time." I smiled and walked away. Maybe I had time to head off to Twilight Originals to get me some new lingerie for tonight.

I flew through the drive through and scarfed down my food. I wanted as much time as possible to try stuff on. For once it would pay being best friends with someone that owned a clothing boutique.

I came to a stop at the red light and sat patiently. Until I saw a sight that made me want to throw up all the food that I just ate.

I sat at the light, unable to process what I saw. What the fuck was I seeing?

I closed my eyes briefly and tried to trace my steps back to a point where I knew for sure I was awake. A small reassurance that this was a dream, unfortunately I couldn't call to mind anything of the sort.

I remember Edward's kisses and pleas to stay home with him this morning. I remembered Edward made coffee while I finished in the shower. I remembered the way his palms rubbed up and down my thighs as I ate a piece of toast as I dashed off to work. The way he eye-fucked me in the navy pencil skirt I wore. He always had a thing for those skirts, he had told me so many times. I remembered getting to work and several projects that I helped with, the quick meeting that I sat in on. I remembered the pain in my hip when I banged into the filing cabinet in my haste to get out of the office so I could hurry to lunch and shopping. The pain a reminder that this was real, not a shitty dream that I could force myself awake and recover from.

I shook my head and focused on the two people standing on the sidewalk. I blinked, once more trying to make them not be real.

I saw Edward and Tanya, together, his hand on her arm, her hand on his chest. She's smiling up at him with tenderness, and fucking devotion. My chest constricted just as the asshole behind me honks at me to move since the light was now green. I moved my hand off of my heart and put it back on the wheel of the car, noticing the slight shake as it passed my eyes in mid flight.

A million thoughts ran through my mind, did he really love me? Was this an intentional meeting? How long has he been meeting her? Are they fucking? Is she now living in the area? Where does that leave us? How long has this been going on? Were his promises to leave her in the past a lie? What did he fucking need therapy for if he didn't leave her? How long? Did anyone else know? Would they keep it a secret from me? What did I do that sent him back to her? Is she still on drugs? Will Edward try drugs with her? Will Carlisle allow Edward to go down that path? What does this mean for me? Can I stay at the house with him and her? What the fuck am I going to do? How did this happen without me seeing any signs of it coming? How? How? How?

The honking continued as I stepped down on the gas pedal and tried to get away from there as fast as possible. I saw Edward turn to view the commotion, and for a brief second our eyes meet. His eyes registered the horror of being caught, mine just feel flat. Literally flat, my entire body actually felt flat. I drove off leaving him yelling at me from the curb. Tanya just stood back looking as horror struck as Edward.

I knew that I should be returning to work right now, my lunch break was over, but that is the last place I wanted to be. I don't want to be sitting in a cubicle pretending that my life is fucking perfect, when in fact it had just fallen the fuck apart. Right out on the street for everyone to see it happening. No respect for me at all, he just stood right out on the fucking corner holding her in his arms. I sat and watched as he held her in his arms and all of my past insecurities came flooding back to me. I had allowed myself to see a future with Edward, to let him into my heart. I loved Edward deeper than anything I felt with Jacob and now to watch him show me how little it meant to him, well…that crushed my heart and soul.

I picked up the phone and called Charlotte, I needed to tell her I wouldn't be back today. I dialed her cell in case she wasn't back from lunch yet. She picked up after a few seconds, her ever happy call back tone plays some fucking Lady Gaga song in my ear, she seemed surprised to hear from me.

"Bella, is everything okay?"

"No, I don't feel well at all, I think it would be better if I go home. I just wanted to let you know. I have the Tollison manuscript in my bag, so I will work on it at home, okay?" My voice sounded strange, almost like I was talking into a child's walkie-talkie.

"Sure Bella, don't worry about that manuscript. You rest and feel better. Call me later this evening to let me know if you will be in tomorrow." She sounded hesitant, scared almost.

"I will thanks, talk to you later." I disconnected the call and laid the phone in the seat.

I heard it beep and saw the text message screen pop up. I ignored it. My phone rang again, this time it was Edward calling me. I ignored it. Twelve more times Edward called me. I ignored them all. I got three more text messages and then several calls from Rose and Alice. I ignored them as well. Finally unable to take all of them calling me so incessantly, I just turned my phone off.

I slowed the car in front of the garage. I turned it around so that if anyone else came home they wouldn't block me in and I could leave quickly. I've decided that was what I was going to do, leave. I couldn't stay here. I just couldn't. It was his house, it was his family, and without him I didn't belong. I couldn't stay. No matter how long I had been part of this family, it really belonged to him and I had to go. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Everything was gone, fucking everything.

I laid my head against the steering wheel for a second. I snapped it right back up, I couldn't afford to fall apart yet. So far all I felt was numb, I needed to hold onto that numbness until I was somewhere I could be by myself.

I rushed into the house and tried to start packing my bags; I needed to get out before he got here. Or worse, sends Alice and Rosalie here. I threw as much shit into the largest bag I could find. I gathered clothes, shoes, cosmetics, my laptop, iPod, and the book I'm currently reading. I headed into the bathroom and cleaned it out.

I heard several cars speeding up the driveway and screeched to a halt. I was sure Carlisle would be pissed at the damage to the landscaping; he had a right to be after all he does pay for that. I was struck by the absurdity of my thoughts. I heard shouting and people running up the stairs. I just kept cramming shit into my bag.

Edward reached me first, followed by Alice, Emmett and then Rosalie, all of them talking at once. I glanced up at them and just kept picking up shit to put in my bag. Random shit, shit I will never need, but was motion so I just kept doing it.

Edward grabbed my arm; I stopped and looked him directly in the eye. He cringed and stepped back, but his hold on my arm remained.

"Bella, please let me fucking explain, it's not what it looks like." His eyes were wild and dancing all over the place. He looked like he was hopped up on some fucking drugs already. I kept waiting for him to start shaking, stuttering and pacing.

I met his glare again and just simply shook my head no at him.

"What do you mean no? Baby, I love you, please. You have to let me explain, nothing happened. She came to find me just so she…" I put my hand over his mouth to stop him. I couldn't stand there and listen to their plans without cracking the fuck up, so I stopped him. We just stood staring at each other, no sound, just stares. In fact, I couldn't hear anything moving in the whole house. Silence everywhere, maybe God was taking pity on me. I guess he knew more than anyone else, how thin my hold on reality was. Maybe he was sparing me the freak out in front of all of them. Alice reached up and put her hand on my arm that was still covering Edward's mouth. I turned to look at her; everything felt like it was in slow motion, like in a cheap action movie.

"Bella, let's take a minute to gather our thoughts. Why don't we sit down and talk this out." She said all this very slowly and calmly, like I was a fucking mental patient that escaped from the nut house. I shifted my gaze from her to Edward again, then to Emmett. All three of them were standing there with their mouths hanging open, the exact same look on all of their faces. Shock, horror, pain, and possibly anger, at that moment I was able to see the family resemblance. A resemblance that, in all of the years I have been friends with Alice, not once did I even see a shred of before now.

"No," I stated carefully, and quietly.

I saw Edward stiffen and glanced at Alice. He seemed to be passing the reigns to her, allowing her to deal with the problem. I wasn't even worth his time. He had already moved on, fuck that was quick.

Emmett stepped in front of both of them and moved my hand off of Edward's mouth.

"Bella, why are you packing a bag? This is your home, why are you leaving?" His tone was gentle, almost soothing, he placed his hand on my arm and shifted his stance. He was blocking Edward and Alice completely, trying to gain some ground with me.

"I have to go for a few days, try to figure out what to do." I whispered to him. He nodded to me, as if to encourage me to continue. "I don't fucking know what else to do, my entire life has fallen apart right before my eyes. One second I'm fine and the next someone has dropped a nuclear bomb right into the middle of my life. What else am I supposed to do? Just stay here and allow the hurt to continue? You tell me Emmett, what the fuck would you do? Sorry if I seem a little fucking off my rocker right now, I am!" Each sentence getting louder and louder until the last one was screamed at him.

"I understand, Bellarina, but don't you think you should give Edward a chance to explain what was going on?" he asked, his voice soft and unassuming. I stiffened when Edward's name left his lips, I glanced over Emmett's shoulder and Edward's face took on the 'I've been a bad boy, please forgive me' look. That look helps me, it makes it easier to walk the fuck away. I would not fall for Edward Cullen's looks anymore. He had hurt me for the last time.

"No, I fucking don't. I don't give a rat's ass what he was doing with her. He has hurt me for the last time, and I mean it. Years, I spent fucking years in love with him. Did he ever give me the time of day? No, he didn't. He was Edward fucking Cullen, he didn't need me, he had all of the girls falling all over him. Why would plain old Bella Swan mean anything to him?" I heard a gasp from somewhere in the room, I was glaring at Emmett so I don't know who it came from. "He promised me, Emmett, fucking promised. He said 'Don't worry I would never go near her again, ever!', and low and behold I drive through downtown and find him huddled up close to her on the street. On the fucking street for everyone to see, he didn't even keep it behind closed doors. Why, Em, why?" He was shaking his head at me, I paid him no attention, I just kept screaming at him. I needed to get the anger out and move on. "Didn't he know he was the one person that could truly break my heart? Why?" I fell to my knees and Emmett followed me down. I could see Alice holding Edward in place, tears falling down his face.

"Bella, please, baby. I could never intentionally hurt you. Please you have to believe me. I'm asking you, begging you, not to leave. Give me a chance. I love you, does that mean anything? Is it too late? I know right now it's hard to breathe, think or even see all the reasons that we should work things out. I don't blame you, I know that sorry is not enough. I will do anything, everything to make it up to you. If you could just feel what I feel for you." Edward begged from across the room.

I stood up, grabbed my bag and walked out of the room. I wasn't going to stand there and listen to his honey coated words, words he didn't mean. I could hear them all moving as a group out into the hallway following me.

"Bella, I'm asking you, begging you. Please stay. I know sorry isn't enough, just let me explain." Edward tried one more time to reason with me.

I swung around on my heels to face him. He took a step back.

"Explain, fucking explain what? Why you were on a street corner in broad daylight with the whore that ruined your life? You needed fucking therapy after she left, doesn't that tell you that she isn't good for you, and yet you run back to her so quickly. Hell, even I was surprised, you did a great job of convincing me that you were done with her for good. Was that part of the game? Fool Bella so you both could sit back and have a laugh at my expense? You have ruined everything in my life, everything. Don't you know that? Not only have you thrown us right out the window, which hurts like my fucking chest is splitting apart by the way, but you have ruined my friendship with the rest of them. I can't be friends like we have been since we were all in grade school. I can't live here with them and you. I can't hang out with them and you. Don't you see, you have cut me out of your life and theirs like a wart that needed to be removed. Why did you have to take everything from me?" I was sobbing and screaming hysterically at this point. All four of them stood staring at me dumbfounded, Edward was caught in mid-motion. His arm still partially stretched towards me. I descended the stairs and ran into Carlisle. He wrapped his arms around me and led me outside.

"Bella get in the car, you're coming to the house with us." Esme was standing by the back door with it held open for us. I nodded and Carlisle took my bag from me.

I turned to the group as Carlisle led me away, when I hesitated Carlisle stopped walking. "Edward?" My voice sounded so rough and scratchy after the yelling and crying.

"Yes, baby?" Devastation was written all over his face. Perhaps he did deserve a chance to explain. I just wasn't strong enough to hear it now. I needed some time to prepare myself. I knew it was childish but I wasn't ready to let Edward go and I was afraid he was going to tell me that he wanted Tanya more than me.

"Give me a few days and we can talk. I just don't think I can do it now, I'm sorry. That isn't fair to you, I know, but please just give me a few days." I watched as Carlisle's feet shuffled against the driveway, while his arms still supported my unsteady weight.

He didn't answer, his disappointment that I was still leaving clear. He just nodded and the look of hurt and confusion written all over his face.

As we walked away Edward laid his hand on Carlisle's arm, Esme wrapped her arms around me and led me towards the car again. I could see Edward, Emmett and even Alice arguing with Carlisle as Esme closed my door. Edward's hands were gesturing wildly as Carlisle simply nodded at him. Esme walked over and touched Carlisle's arm. He turned and slipped into the driver's seat. Esme entered the car and we left.

I don't remember seeing anything between the house and arriving at Carlisle and Esme's. We walked upstairs and Esme tucked me into bed. That's all I remember of the day. I woke up when the sky was dark. I didn't know if it was evening or early morning. I didn't know what day it was. Panic set in, I didn't know if I needed to call Charlotte to explain. I searched the room for my phone, someone had placed it on the dresser beside my purse. I turned it on, 4:13 a.m., so I sent her a text.

**Char~**

**Sorry I went to bed and just woke up**

**I won't be in today,**

**I think I should take the rest of the week**

**I will call later today and explain.**

**Bella~**

I went downstairs to get something to drink. Esme was sitting in the kitchen, holding a glass in her hands. She glanced up at me when I came into the room.

"Sorry, I hope I didn't scare you. I couldn't sleep, so I came down here." She offered.

"It's fine, I'm just thirsty." My voice was all kinds of fucked up from the crying, freaking out fit I had earlier.

"You okay?" She asked, very hesitantly.

I shrugged my shoulders at her. I honestly didn't know if I was okay or not.

"I hope you don't mind, but we have forbidden any of them from calling, or coming over to check on you. If you want to call them, fine, but Carlisle and I felt like it should be your decision. I know they can be a little overbearing in times like this, and they gang up on you, so we told them no. I hope you don't mind." She smiled sheepishly. I just shook my head at her.

"It's fine." I mumbled to her.

"Bella, I don't know how or when this is going to resolve itself, but you are welcome here for as long as you need to be. Please, I need you here. I would go insane knowing that you are off somewhere by yourself with all of this going on. I promise that Carlisle and I won't interfere and we won't take sides. Please just stay with us. I know this is hitting below the belt, but your Father would be so pissed if I allowed you to leave in your shape."

She was right, Charlie would be pissed. He would want me to stay with Carlisle and Esme, not by myself. So I nodded my agreement to her. She smiled and patted my shoulder as she left the table.

I sat for several hours hoping a decision would come to me. What was I going to do now? That was the one problem that I couldn't answer yet. The one that plagued me, the only one I wanted an answer to right now. I could feel the solution form on the edges of my mind, but never close enough to grasp and understand it.

I saw the sun come up, and then heard Carlisle descend the steps to leave for work. He headed over to grab a cup of coffee, and kissed my head as he walked back by me.

"Glad you're staying with us. If you need me, you know where I am. Otherwise, I'll let you figure this out on your own, okay?" I nodded at him and gave him a small smile. That was all I could do for now. He hesitated, looking like he wanted to say or do more, then turned and left the kitchen.

I was lost. I couldn't form complete thoughts, yet I couldn't settle down enough to sleep. I decided to call Charlotte. Perhaps I can now take her up on her offer to go away on the publicity tour.

I dialed the number and waited.

"Little and Brown, how may I direct your call?"

"Charlotte Brown, please." My voice still sounded sickly and hoarse.

"May I tell her who is calling, please."

"Sure, It's Bella Swan."

"Oh, sure ahh…yeah, sure, hang on one second please." Her nervous tone scared me. I was worried what had happened while I was not there. What did everyone now know?

"Bella, what the hell is going on? Are you okay?" Charlotte demanded.

"I'm fine, well not exactly fine." I chuckled. "Okay is probably a good enough word. Why? What has happened there?"

"Well, first thing this morning I got a desperate visitor. Edward showed up here, looking for you. He looked like hell, he said that he knew you wanted time but he just wanted to make sure you were alright. I finally told him that I didn't know where you were and that you would be off for a few days. I assured him that if I heard from you I would certainly call him. He didn't seem inclined to believe me, but finally left. So, I guess you have some explaining to do. Why don't you meet me for lunch? I'm guessing someplace secluded would be good. What about Jackson's on 5th street?"

"Sure, but can we make it soon? I don't want to chance running into Edward, please."

"How long would it take for you to get there?"

"About an hour, I need to shower and change."

"Damn, this is going to be good. Fine, I will see you in an hour at Jackson's."

"Thanks Charlotte, for everything. I'm sorry that I put you in this position."

"Don't worry about it; I have heard all of the gossip in the break room. You are a legend around here now. Anyone that could send a good looking man like that off of his rocker must be worth her weight in gold. I'll see you then." I almost chuckled at Charlotte's sense of humor, it was always so twisted and dark. Still, I worried about what my co-workers would say and do when I did return. I never liked the spotlight, in any form.

I slid into the booth in the back across from Charlotte. I dropped my sunglasses into my purse as she slid a martini towards me.

"I thought you could use this." She offered.

I took a few sips of the offered drink, trying to buy time. You would think that I would have my thoughts in order but I was still as confused as ever.

"Is it possible to still go on the publicity tour with you?" I figured that was as good a place as any to start with.

"Hold on sister, back this train up and start at the beginning. I am not going to answer that until I know what the hell is going on."

I twisted the glass in my hands as I chanced a glance up at her. Her eyes held my gaze and her expression screamed 'tell me what I want to know'.

"I saw Edward on the street cuddled up with Tanya yesterday. Right out on the street!" I tried to keep my voice down but I wasn't sure if I had achieved this or not. Good thing most of the other patrons sat closer to the picturesque windows and away from us.

Charlotte's eyebrows shot up and she sat her drink back down on the table. "Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Tanya the rehab whore?" I nodded as the words came out of Charlotte's mouth.

I retold the bizarre afternoon and evening I had.

Charlotte sat and listened to all of it. She didn't have any more questions, she just simply listened. When I came to a stop she took a drink and looked back at me. "First of all you are coming to stay at my place. Nice or not, you do not need to be there with his parents. The pressure is still on for you there, you need a neutral place to think this through. Secondly, yes you are coming with me on the tour. We will be gone three weeks. When we get back you will go out and find yourself an apartment to stay in. You got it?" I just nodded at her. "Good, now go back wherever and get your stuff. Here is a key to my place, let yourself in and take the bedroom at the top of the stairs. I will be home later and we will plan this tour. You can work from my house for the rest of this week. There is plenty to do to get this thing tied up for us, so that should keep you busy. We will fly out first thing Tuesday morning. You have one week to be here and then we will be gone for three. So, sister, get to thinking about what you are going to do."

I hugged Charlotte as I left the restaurant and made my way back to Carlisle and Esme's house. I walked into my room and stood for a few seconds. I glanced around trying to get my bearings. I was trying to decide what to do; I knew that I needed to get some space from Edward. I wasn't ready to hear the words that would end what we had, and while I knew it was the coward's way out…I had to go and give myself some space. Maybe perhaps I would come to terms with it and it wouldn't hurt so much when he actually said the words. I knew it was too good to be true; men like Edward Cullen didn't fall in love with girls like me. I grabbed my bag off of the floor and began to separate my clothes. I left the random stuff that I would not need while on the tour just lying around the room. The few things that I did have that I could use for work clothes were neatly folded and placed in my suitcase again. I had exactly two and a half outfits. That was nowhere near enough to get through three weeks. I had no choice, I had to go back to the house and pack more clothes. I gathered all of my toiletries out of the bathroom and packed them. I called a cab and laid the keys for Esme's car on the kitchen counter. I would call her later and tell her how much I appreciated her for protecting me. I just couldn't do that right now either.

I paid the cabbie and asked him to wait for me, I wouldn't be long. He nodded and folded his arms across his large food splattered chest. I didn't see any cars in the driveway but that didn't mean that no one was home. I prayed as I opened the front door and rushed up the stairs. I immediately went in to my room, pulled my suitcase out of the closet and began to pack. I didn't want to linger in here any longer than necessary, I didn't want to chance running in to any of them. My heart wasn't ready for the looks of pity or the false words of apology that I was sure to hear. My recent shopping trip with everyone helped me in so many ways, I only had to pull out the clothes that I bought and put them in the suitcase. I grabbed the jewelry that Alice insisted had to go with the clothes and threw that in as well. I pulled another bag out for the shoes and filled it. All of this happened much faster than I wanted. I wasn't ready to let go yet. I wasn't ready to leave it all behind.

I pulled a sheet of paper out and scribbled a note for Edward. I don't know why I felt like he deserved it but I did it anyway. Maybe it was more for me than for him anyway. I was letting him go, in small pieces.

**Edward, **

**I'm sorry that I can't do this face to face. I just don't think I'm strong enough to do that so I am taking the coward's way out. I'm going on the publicity tour with Charlotte. I will be gone three weeks. When I get back we can talk then. I'm sorry for dragging this out, I know you wanted to do this sooner than that. But I can't do it now, I am just so hurt that I need some space first. I promise that this is not to punish you, I just need some time to think and figure out what I want to do. I promise that I will be ready when I get back. **

**For what it's worth thank you for what you gave me and all that you helped me through. I am proud of the growth that you have made and I wish you the best for your life. You deserve all of the happiness in the world; just make sure that you never settle. And please don't let love blind you this time. I hope that Tanya is ready for your love, and she can now return that love. She is a lucky girl! I think, if I'm honest with myself, deep down you have always held a part of my heart and you always will. I'm sorry that I couldn't be all that you wanted. Take care of yourself!**

**Love Always, **

**Bella**

I laid it in the middle of his bed on his pillow. I left the house and climbed back into the taxi.

The tears started to fall about halfway down the drive. I wanted to rush into his arms and tell him that I would take whatever part of him he could give me. But deep down I knew that I would never be happy with just part of his heart. I was selfish and wanted it all.

* * *

**Go on let me have it! I know you're angry. Are you angry at Edward, Bella or me? Hit the little button, tell me your theories! If you're right I will send you a teaser from Edward's version of the chapter! Till next week...**


	29. Chapter 29 What If You Stay

**A/N: First let me say I am so sorry! I got my chapter back in plenty of time and even had the edits done, but I just simply got busy and forgot to post a teaser today on the Fictionators web site today! I figured that I would just post the chapter and make you all happy that way instead. **

**Secondly, thank you for not chewing my ass for Bella's childish behavior! She isn't trying to be a bitch, she just let her emotions decide what she should do instead of taking some time to think things over! We will see what Edward's take on things are, and I am sure after this chapter you will like Bella even less. Just be patient and give her some time to fix what she did wrong, cause she will! **

**Thanks to all of you for reading, reviewing and fav'ing me! I love you all;)**

**Playlist:What If You Stay-Chuck Wicks, Stay Gone(Acoustic)-Jimmy Wayne[for Tanya],If This Is Goodbye-Lifehouse[for Tanya], Everybody Hurts-Lee Dewyze, Again-Lenny Kravitz, It Don't Matter To The Sun-Garth Brooks, Comfortably Numb(Live)-Staind, Tonight I Wanna Cry-Keith Urban, Somewhere In Between-Lifehouse**

**Now, here's Edward's side...

* * *

  
**

I can't make you turn around, And I can't take back what I did, I wouldn't blame you if you hated me.

Before you slam that open door, And throw away four good years, Think of everything we used to be  
I know you say that you're over me, But I'm askin' you, beggin' you not to leave.

What if I told you I've changed, Would you still walk away, What if I told you I loved you?  
Would you say that it's too late, What if you could feel what I feel, When I watch you slowly drift away.  
What if you're wrong, What if I'm right, That you could move on, What if you stay?

I know right now it's hard to breathe, Hard to think and hard to see.

All the reasons we should work it out, It might be easier to go.  
But if you walk out, you'll never know, How strong we could be at the end of this.  
I know that sorry is not enough, But I'll do everything, anything to make it up.

What if I told you I've changed, Would you still walk away, What if I told you I loved you?  
Would you say that it's too late, What if you could feel what I feel, When I watch you slowly drift away.  
What if you're wrong, What if I'm right, You could move on, What if you stay?  
Oooooo

I can't make you turn around, And I can't take back what I did, I wouldn't blame you if you hated me.

Chuck Wicks ~ What If You Stay

**Chapter 29- What If You Stay**

**Edward's POV  
**

I stood and watched Bella drive out of the driveway. Six o'clock couldn't get here soon enough, at least during my absences Bella had work to occupy her. I was not so lucky. I did plan to get some more sleep and then maybe I could go and work out. That would occupy most of my day, maybe I could meet Esme for lunch.

I heard my phone ring as I headed towards our bedroom. I dashed up that last few stairs and rushed to get it. I flipped it open and answered it without even looking at the display, I was sure that it was Bella.

"I knew that you just couldn't wait to hear my sexy voice again! Why don't you just call in sick, please?" I begged.

"Edward?" A familiar voice sounded on the other end, but it was not Bella.

"Tanya?"

"Uh, yeah it's me. I, I hope I'm not interrupting anything. I know that it's still kind of early and all." She sounded nervous and hesitant.

"No, I was just going back to bed. I had a crazy week last week and I'm trying to catch up on my rest." I ran my hand through my hair. I really just wanted to ask her what she wanted and why she was calling. I wanted to tell her about Bella and that I was finally happy. But the sick darker side wanted her to suffer a little longer before I snubbed her out of my life.

"Oh, well then maybe I should let you go. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you." I almost fell over, an apology from Tanya that didn't lead to her getting something! I was shocked to say the least.

"It's fine, Tanya, I wasn't even back in bed yet. Was there a reason that you called?" I tried to keep the anger out of my voice but it was hard when the reminder of the pain and embarrassment that she put me through crept back in without my permission.

"I would really like to see you. I have something to say and I think it would be better if I said it in person." I blanched at her words, mentally calculating the last time we had sex together. I knew that there was no way she was pregnant, it had been too long. And once I found out that she was sleeping around I stopped that shit all together. I knew that she would have been visibly pregnant when she entered rehab, so I crossed that off of my list of worries.

"What is so important that you need to see me now? I don't get this shit! What is it about you that can't let me be happy? You let me go and get settled and then you want to run back into my life and screw it all up again! Fuck, Tanya look I don't have any money, okay. I don't have a place for you to stay. I am living in a house with my brothers and sisters and Bella. There is no extra space and I quite honestly don't want to go down this road again with you. I just can't do it. You need to find a way to make yourself clean, sober and healthy without me. Okay?" I thought that was as nice as I was going to get.

"I know Edward, that is what I'm calling to tell you. I finished rehab and part of my recovery is that I have to confront the people that I wronged and tell them that I'm sorry. You are the first person that I thought of, I owe you more of an apology than anyone else in my life. I feel bad for how I treated you, I really do. Can you just meet me, somewhere in public, so I can say sorry? I promise I will be quick and let you get on with your life. I just want you to know how I feel now and the steps I have taken in my life. I wanted to make you proud of what I have done. I owe it all to you, if you hadn't left me there in that rehab I wouldn't be here now. So, I also wanted to say thank you." Her voice was full of emotion, which was something that I wasn't used to hearing from her. Tanya had faked everything we ever had, I realized that now. She used me, not feeling any of the feelings that I felt for her. I was sick to think that I could have been so blind, never listening to anyone who said these things while they were happening. I was the stupid one! I didn't listen to the people that truly cared about me, the ones that I knew would never lie to me. I owed them all an apology.

"Tanya look, I will be honest. Part of me wants to tell you to fuck off, but the other part of me wants to get closure for both of us and move on. I will meet you at eleven at The Market Street Deli down on Banks Street, okay?" I drug my hands through my hair again, I wondered if this was all a big old mistake. I knew that I had things to move on towards and it would be nice to finally close this particular door.

"Great, I will see you there. Thanks, Edward, for giving me the chance. I know I don't deserve it."

"I'll see you there." I disconnected the line.

I stood and stared at the phone. After all of the shit Tanya had started, and the problems she had caused me, I was hoping that she really was sincere and ready to get closure.

I dialed the only number I could think of to help me make sense of what I was about to do.

"Edward, you had better not be calling to rub it in that you are in your fucking underwear playing X-box! Have a little sympathy on those of us that have to work for a living!"

"No, you jack ass! I need your advice and I need it bad! You are not going to believe the phone call I just got and who it came from." I was still stunned myself.

"Edward, do I want to know this info or will it get me into a heap of trouble with Alice?" I chuckled, Jasper could stand up to any man any size, but four foot ten inch Alice could bring him to his knees.

"I don't know, I don't think so if things go as she says they will. There shouldn't be any fall out at all. I hope so anyway. I don't really know."

"Whoa, what the hell are you talking about? Why don't you start back at the beginning for me so I can understand all of it."

"Bella left for work and I was heading back upstairs to get some more rest when I heard my phone ring. Well, I assumed it was Bella calling so I answered it without looking at it. It wasn't Bella. It was Tanya and she wants to get together. She says she is finished with rehab and part of her steps are to apologize to people that she has hurt. So, she wants to apologize to me. I would like to get some closure and be done with this, so I said I would meet her. Did I do the right thing?"

Japer took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Shit, hold on. I need a minute to think about this." He sat silent for a while. "Okay, where are you meeting her?"

"At The Market Street Deli on Banks. I figured that place is as crazy as it gets during the lunch hour and that should discourage her from thinking that she could be inappropriate in any way with me."

"Good call, what time are you meeting her?"

"Eleven."

"Okay, I will call you about twenty after and check in. If she is being funny in any way that will give you the chance to leave. You can answer and say anything you want to say, I'll go along with what you say, sound good?"

"Thanks, Jasper, I appreciate it a lot. I just want this over with. I want to move on with Bella."

"Yeah, I heard that you bought a ring. You ready for that step?" I could hear the wonder and excitement in his voice.

"Yeah I think I am. What about you? You and Alice have been together for years now, when are you going to make an honest girl out of her?" I teased.

"I think about it all of the time with her. Alice is my other half, I just feel like I have to have things in order before asking her to marry me. I want to buy her a house, but not just any house, her dream house! I have been working on extra projects that she doesn't know about, banking all that extra money so I can buy her what she deserves," Jasper admitted.

"Wow, I really had no idea that you were really thinking about all of that. I don't know why I doubted you at all; you and Alice were always meant to be together. I'm happy for you. Being here in the house has to help with the finances, right? It has to help to share the bills between all of us."

"Yeah, I mean I agreed because I thought that it would be fun with all of us together again, but I really do see the other advantages as well. Hey, I am glad that you're back with us you know?" I chuckled at his revelation. Jasper was always quiet with his devotion, but I always knew that no matter what he had my back. In fact I could say the same for every member of my family.

"Yeah, I kinda think that God knew what he was doing when he put all of us together with Esme and Carlisle. We do make a hell of a team!"

"You got that right, now go and get ready. I'll talk to you later. Hey, you gonna tell Bella about this?"

"I think I will after it's all said and done. Not now, I don't want her to worry about it and she will if she knows it's happening. I just want to get it over with and move on. I think I may take her to dinner this evening and ask her to marry me. It's a full moon and I want to take her to the meadow. I thought it would be nice to ask her there under the moon and the stars." I pulled open my top drawer and picked up the ring box. I couldn't wait to see it on her finger.

"She'll like that, simple and heartfelt. That's Bella for sure."

"Yeah, let's just hope she says yes." I chuckled.

"She will. Now get your ass in gear and go handle your business."

"K. Talk to you later."

"Later."

I walked into the restaurant a few minutes early. I wanted to get there before Tanya, why that seemed important, I didn't know, it just did. I saw her flowing red hair in a booth towards the back wall; she was facing away from me. I wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not. I slid in quietly as she glanced up at me.

Her eyes were clear and bright. She did look different; she seemed lighter, younger even.

"Hey, I wasn't sure if you were going to come. You didn't sound convinced on the phone." She played with a straw wrapper; she twisted it around her ring finger on her left hand. I noticed that she wore a small diamond ring there as well. I reached out instinctively and picked up her hand. She let out a nervous laugh.

"So, you were serious when you said you were in love?" I glanced up at her from the side of my eyes, her gaze remained on our hands. She just nodded.

"I have so much to say, I don't even know where to start." Her hand fell from mine and her eyes took on a nervous glaze.

"Just start from the beginning, tell me about leaving rehab. That's the last place I know about, so tell me about there." She nodded and took a drink as the waitress came over.

"Can I take your order?"

"I'll have a coke and a cheeseburger platter, no lettuce please." I nodded at Tanya.

"Can I just have a chicken salad sandwich?" The waitress nodded and walked off.

Tanya took a deep breath. "Rehab was okay. I had good counselors, they taught me a lot. I think it was a good place for me to make a new start. I left with a good mentor, and in a good place. My counselor called my dad to come for some therapy sessions with me. We have started talking again. He helped me get set up in an apartment and came to visit me often. We talked about what happened with their marriage. He made me see that there were two sides to every story and he wasn't the only one at fault. I've talked to my mom as well and she seems to be interested in getting some counseling for herself as well, to help her move past this and start her life over again. So, I guess in a way we all benefited from my rehab."

"Then I'm proud of all of you. It sounds like you all are ready to move forward and get to a healthy place." It was hard to mask the boredom in my voice. I really didn't want to be here, at all.

"I got a job and concentrated on staying sober, making sure that I followed all of the rules. I saw Alastair several times, he lived in my building. He left his phone number in my mailbox. I ignored him for a while but he wouldn't give up. He left notes and flowers at my door. He really pursued me. I was so scared to open up to him. I was afraid that he would not understand my past." I twisted my straw in my drink. I wasn't sure why Tanya wanted to tell me about this shit. I should not have agreed to meet her. My eyes darted all around the room but never once coming to stop on Tanya. I'm sure that I was acting very childish but I really could think of a million things I wanted to do that would fall in line before sitting here listening to Tanya recall how she fell in love for real.

Tanya took a deep breath, exhaling it slowly. "Edward, I'm so sorry. You were a good man, you tried your hardest. I never appreciated you or your efforts until it was too late. I'm sorry, my thoughts are so jumbled up. I should have written them down, I had so many things that I wanted to say when I thought about this meeting, but now they're all gone. I know that you tried your hardest, and really loved me, and I feel so guilty that I didn't try at all. All I can say is that it was the drugs, I swear. I was trying to drown the insecurity and personal fears that I had. I never thought about how my actions affected you at all. But I swear I am done with that life forever, I realize now that the drugs didn't make it go away, it only made me ignore it for a few hours. When I came down, they were all still there. The drugs only caused more problems. It didn't solve a damn thing." She slammed her hand down on the table. The tears were streaming down her face. Not in the fake dabbing her eyes with a tissue kind of way, but a full on stream of tears pouring down her face. She was sitting in a café in the middle of a lunch rush with her makeup running, crying, pouring out her heart to me. I guess Tanya had made more changes in her life than I realized. I reached for her hand across the table and patted it. I wanted her to know that I did feel for the ordeal she had been through. But there was no way in hell that I would ever be sucked into that that shit storm ever again. I had Bella now; a real relationship with her was all I wanted. I didn't need or desire anything Tanya had to offer.

"Tanya, I am glad that you are better now. I really am. I never wanted that for you and I'm sorry that you suffered through it. Your parents put too much on you and I'm sure that led you down the path you took, but I can't do this over and over. You hurt me. A lot. You made me question everything that I knew, everything I was, everything I hoped for. I had to go to therapy to fix all of the shit you did. I don't want you to misunderstand me, I'm not saying this to be mean and heap more pain on you. I just need you to know that I have made it back to who I was before you screwed me over, and I don't think I can go back down that road again, even if it means helping you. I just can't." I pulled my hand off of hers and slid it down into my lap. She had her head down but I could still see the tears dripping off of her chin and falling into her lap.

"I understand, Edward, I'm sorry I bothered you." She tried to slide out of the booth. I grabbed her hand and stopped her.

"Tanya." Our eyes met for a split second and I saw the guilt and anguish contained there. "Sit." I pulled slightly on her wrist but she stayed in her half stand half sitting position. "Listen, I know you did lots of stuff that was wrong, so wrong. But maybe I did some things too. I certainly didn't help things. I should have pulled the plug long before I did. We both made mistakes. It's what humans do, we make mistakes. I see that you really are trying and I'm proud of your effort. I'm happy that you are in love, you deserve it." I didn't know what else to say to her. I didn't want to give her the impression that what she did was in any way okay to do but I think she already knew this at this point in time. "I think in a way it was good for us. Who knows we may have tried to stay together and make it work for us. But we weren't in love, Tanya, you know we weren't. We would have ended up years from now like your parents, looking across the dinner table at each other with nothing to say to each other. I want more than that, and after watching your parents I know you do as well. I know it is easy for me to say this but maybe it happened for a reason. It was our push to go out and find the loves of our lives, to not settle." Her tears had slowed and she was now looking at me so maybe I was getting my point across. I sat back and allowed her to take in what I had said.

"Maybe you're right, Edward." She let out a small giggle. "I'm sure we could have went about it another way though." Her giggle grew into a full on laugh, and I joined her.

"Well, we never did anything half way, did we?" I said through the laugh as a comfortable rapport settled over the table.

"So, Edward, tell me about you now." She asked softly as she glanced up at me from the side of her eyelashes.

"Well, things are good. Carlisle bought a huge house and I live there with Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie and Bella." I waited to see the reaction she would have to that news.

A snort escaped from her and she grabbed her drink to gulp some down. She set the drink back down as she said, "You know I spent all of my time trying to keep the two of you apart in high school. She has something that I would never have and she made me so nervous. I always knew deep down inside that you really liked her. So how is Bella?" It was my turn to snort.

"She's great. She works for a publishing company, she's a Junior Editor. You know Bella, she always enjoyed her books so she loves her job. We're uh, well… uh well we're seeing each other. She and I, Bella. We've been together for a few months now. She's good." I wasn't sure why I was so nervous to tell Tanya that part. She had come to tell me that she was in love. So, why was I nervous to tell her that I was in love as well?

Again, she just chuckled. Her eyes met mine. "I knew it. I could tell that someone was making you very happy. You just look different. At peace, that's what you look like, like you're at peace. I'm glad. How did you and her meet up again?"

"Bella broke up with Jacob and she moved into the house with everyone. When I moved back home she was already there. She, Alice and Rosalie have all stayed very close, just as close as they were in high school, closer in fact. It was like there was something pulling me to her. I couldn't stay away, I tried. I was afraid that I wasn't ready yet, so I really tried, but I just couldn't stay away. I'm sorry if this hurts but this is the happiest I have ever been. I really love Bella, the forever, fairly tale kind of love. I bought her a ring. I haven't given it to her yet, I just got back from Seattle last night. So, I was waiting to give it to her. Maybe tonight, I don't know. I just can't imagine my life without her. I have had to go to Seattle twice without her and it kills me. I try to act cool about it but I can't breathe without her close to me. I can't sleep, eat, hell anything. I can't do anything without her. I know that sounds really unhealthy but it's true." I shrugged my shoulders, unable to really explain it to her with adequate words.

Tanya's face split into a large smile, I was confused at her reaction. "Edward, that is the way it is supposed to be. You are supposed to feel like that. That is exactly how I feel with Alistair. He makes everything make sense. Nothing seems too big when he is by my side. I love him, I really do. He has asked me to marry him. I think I'm going to say yes." She was nodding her head, the large smile still present. "Oh hell, I know I'm going to say yes. I just wanted all of this out of the way first. I wanted a clean slate for us. No baggage hanging around us. You know?" I just nodded at her. "Edward." Her voice was gentle and her hand came over to cover mine where it rested on the table top. Our food pushed off to the side, neither of us bothered to even pretend we were there for the food. "I'm sorry that I couldn't be your Bella and that you couldn't be my Alistair. Do you hate me for that?"

I sat for a minute contemplating this question. When I began to shake my head her face took on the smile again. "No, I don't. We had what we had and we learned from it. So I can't be mad at the fact that fate led us here. We are both happy and healthy. So we don't have anything to complain about or ask the what if's over. Right?"

"Right." She agreed.

I moved to the edge of the booth and Tanya copied my actions.

"Thanks for this, Edward. I do feel much better after our talk. And again, I'm sorry. I really am."

"I know, Tanya, I can see it in your eyes."

I followed her out to the street. She had to wait for Alistair to come and get her, they were flying back home tonight together. We stood talking at the corner, Alistair waved from down the block at her. She turned to me and pulled me in for a hug. I hugged her back. I was relieved to have my past in the past and truly felt like I could let it go. Let go of all of the doubts and move on. I was ready to ask Bella to marry me.

As I pulled away from Tanya I heard several cars honking their horns. I turned to see why all the commotion and my stomach dropped. There at the red light sat Bella in her Audi. Her mouth hung open, he eyes full of shock and horror. I could only imagine what this scene must look like to her. Tanya and I snuggled up to each other on the street. As if I would ever disrespect Bella by having something so private on display right out on the street corner. Her face showed me that she misunderstood the meeting.

Her shock wore off and she stepped on the gas. She left the intersection in a hurry.

I pulled away from Tanya, who must have seen the situation because her face twisted into shock and panic as well.

"Edward, let me call and explain it to her please." She squeaked at me.

"No, you go with Alistair. I will explain, she will understand. We love each other, she will understand." I took off towards my car. I was glad I had brought the Vanquish with me. I needed the speed.

I grabbed my phone and called Alice, I certainly needed advice on how to fix this.

"Alice, fuck. I met Tanya today so she could say she was sorry and Bella saw us together. In a sort of unclear position. She was hurt, Alice, what do I do?"

"Edward, what the hell were you thinking? Why would you meet with Tanya?" I could hear Alice rushing around the shop and heard her yelling at Rosalie. "Get your shit, Bella saw Edward and Tanya on the street together. We have to go and make sure that she is okay. Come on! Edward, we're on our way. Was she headed home?"

"As far as I could tell, she looked like she was."

"Okay we will meet you there. Have you called Emmett and Jasper?"

"No, I talked to Jasper earlier. He had a meeting this afternoon. I haven't talked to Emmett." I slammed on the brakes to stop in time for a red light.

"Fine, Rose will call him. Just get to her as soon as you possibly can. You know this is the worst thing that could possibly happen to her, right?"

"Fuck yes, I do. Do you think I'm a moron? I know, I KNOW!" I yelled, the release of anger behind the words felt good. I just wanted Bella in my arms, I wanted her to know that I would never hurt her. I needed her like I needed oxygen.

"Emmett is on his way home already, so we will meet you there. Just don't let her leave Edward. We will make this alright, we will." She disconnected the line, but I had a feeling she was having doubts herself, almost like she was saying it to convince herself as well as me. My heart sunk, I couldn't be without Bella, she had to believe me. She just had to.

When I pulled up at the garage Bella's Audi was still there. My heart breathed a small sigh of relief, she hadn't left yet. I still had a chance.

I could see Emmett's car followed by Alice and Rosalie in Alice's car. I jumped out and ran into the house. I hoped she was not crying; please don't let her be crying. I could hear Emmett and Alice as they yelled at me to slow down and think about this before I charged in there, but I couldn't stay away from her. I needed to make her understand that I love her and only her. What she saw was a misunderstanding. She would be so happy to know that Tanya was gone out of my life for good.

Suddenly I was standing right in the bedroom door and just watched her pack shit into a bag, shit she never used and she would not need. She was venting her anger while she packed. I could feel the rest of them behind me, they were all talking at once.

I reached for Bella's elbow, I tried to halt the movements she seemed hell bent on following through with. She leveled her gaze and froze me in place with the fire in her eyes. I couldn't let her go, even if I wanted to. I was hoping that with the contact she would feel the truth as it seeped out of me and into her.

"Bella, please let me fucking explain, it's not what it looked like." I tried to calm my eyes and heart. My heart was beating so hard that I was sure that she could hear it as it hit the inside of my chest.

She looked straight into my eyes and shook her head no at me. No words, just a swivel of her neck. I was shocked.

"What do you mean no? Baby, I love you, please." I have to make her understand that I love her and no one else in the world. I started to speak again but she put her hand over my mouth to stop me. Her skin was like silk against my lips and I longed to open my mouth and kiss her palm. I didn't think that she would appreciate that right now.

Alice reached over and placed her hand on Bella's arm that was covering my mouth. I just stood there and begged her with my eyes. I begged her to trust me, to believe me. To believe in everything we had worked so hard to get over the last few months. To make it mean something, to not cheapen it because she believed what she saw.

Alice talked to her, trying to get her to stop and think for a few minutes before we all try to speak to each other. She begged her to see reason. Bella only said one simple word, "No." I stiffened; she wasn't even going to talk to me. How was I supposed to make her understand if she won't speak to me?

Emmett stepped in between Alice, Bella and I. He took her hand off of me and I almost wanted to pull it back. I couldn't help but feel like I was losing her and I didn't want to give up the contact. If she was touching me then she was still here with me. A very juvenile line of thinking, but I couldn't make my mind go to any other places right now except the fact that for the moment she was in the room with me and as long as she was here I still had a chance to explain.

Emmett totally blocked my view of Bella; I tried to step around him so I could see her. Alice touched my arm and gave a slight shake of her head. She wanted me to stand exactly where I was, behind Emmett. Emmett and Bella talked. Emmett's tone was extremely soothing and calming. He was taking care to speak to Bella in a manner that would diffuse her anger. But his plan backfired when she began to lean into him and yell at him. Every sentence was louder and louder, her anger was ready to overflow.

Bella met my eyes around Emmett's shoulders and I tried to soften my gaze at her, to convey all of my sadness at our situation to her. She snapped her gaze back to Emmett and began to scream at him. She told him how she loved me for years and I ignored her, I was 'Edward-fucking-Cullen' and I didn't need her. She yelled about all the stuff that Tanya put me through, how she helped me come back from that and now I threw her into the gutter at the first sign of Tanya's return. Somewhere in the middle of her rant I had began to cry. It broke my heart to know that all of those years she loved me, and I spent all of that wasted time with Tanya. I could have had perfection all this time and I wasted myself. I wasted my time. I wanted to take her in my arms and assure her that I would never waste another second with her. But she wouldn't let me near her. I tried to step closer, my body called out to hers. I needed to feel her skin against mine. Alice put her arm around me and held me in place. I couldn't hold it in any longer, I had to say something to her.

"Bella, please, baby. I could never intentionally hurt you. Please you have to believe me. I'm asking you, begging you, not to leave. Give me a chance. I love you, does that mean anything? Is it too late? I know right now it's hard to breathe, think or even see all the reasons that we should work things out. I don't blame you, I know that sorry is not enough. I will do anything, everything to make it up to you. If you could just feel what I feel for you." I begged her, praying that she would listen to me, that she would believe me.

She turned on her heel and walked out of the room. I tried once again. I'm not even sure what my mouth was saying, I was so focused on her eyes and the pain she held just under the surface.

She swung around to face me, I was hopeful that something I said had gotten through to her. She began to scream at me, sobbing hysterically. I was afraid for her, afraid that I had pushed her too far. I was in agony watching her in this kind of pain. I just needed a few minutes of silence to explain and this would be over with. I could hold her as her body came down from the anger high. I could close my eyes and imagine us sitting under the tree we sat under in the back yard that night I left for Seattle. I would stroke her soft hair and tell her how much I loved her. How much I wanted to make my future with her. I didn't think it was the most romantic proposal but perhaps I could get the ring and ask her to marry me. Another sob escaped from her throat and I reached towards her. She flinched and stepped backwards slightly. I paused mid reach. She turned and ran down the stairs, she ran right into Carlisle at the bottom. He wrapped his arms around her, full covering her with his body. He turned to look at all of us at the top of the stairs, his disapproval apparent, especially when he met my eyes. I sunk a little, even my own family didn't believe me, and how could Bella. I saw my chance for explanation growing smaller and smaller.

Carlisle led her to the car and placed her in the back seat. He placed her bag in the trunk and I took my chance to explain. I needed him and Esme on my side or I didn't stand a chance in hell of getting Bella to listen to me.

"Carlisle, please. I can tell by your expression that you are upset. Please, don't I even get a chance to explain?"

"Son, look at Bella. She is close to a panic attack. I think it's best if we get her out of here and allow her to calm down, for everyone to calm down. Then we can sit and talk about this like adults instead of a bunch of school children ganging up on one poor tiny girl. I am disappointed at you all."

"What the fuck? You don't even know what is going on. You don't know enough to be disappointed at anyone. I was trying to keep her from leaving and making a big mistake! I can't lose her over some stupid mistake. Tanya came to see me and we were…" Esme walked up and laid her hand on Carlisle's arm.

"We need to get her out of here." He simply nodded at her.

"Son, give her a chance to calm down. She loves you, I'm sure she will listen. Just give her some time. The rest of you give her some time as well. No calls, no visits. I mean it. She needs some time to calm down before she is capable of talking. I will let you know when it is okay to call or come over." They turned to leave, I stepped towards them but Emmett held me back.

"Bro, give her time like C says. He knows best, man, she will listen. She will, just give her time." He nodded at me as he patted my chest.

I made it back in the house but all I could do was go and sit in the doorway of our room. I couldn't go in. I couldn't be in there where so many memories happened between us. I wanted a blank space in my mind, no thoughts, no pain. I just had to be patient and wait for her to calm down so I could explain.

Alice and Rosalie woke me up later. I had fallen asleep in the doorway.

"Come on, you need some sleep. I don't want you fucking things up with her when she does call you, because you are too tired to even talk to her." Rosalie pulled up on my arm trying to get me to enter the room. I pulled away, I couldn't go in, not yet. Not without her. I staggered towards Bella's room and dropped down on her bed. This must have pleased Rose and Alice, they both walked away and shut off the light as they went.

* * *

**E/N: So? Tell me what you think. Do you hate Bella now? Do you love Edward more? Let me have it, I can take it! **

**We are closing in on The Fandom Gives Back, and while I am not offering up anything for them, I am supporting my favorite authors. I want to encourage you to do the same! For as little as $5 you can join most teams and reap the rewards of the yummy one shots or perhaps even full stories that will come from this wonderful cause! We can make a difference, even if it is $5 at a time. You would be giving to a wonderful cause!  
**


	30. Chapter 30 Lost

**A/N: I am continually amazed at the love you all show for my story, and I am blown away by the new friends that I have made from this fandom! You all mean so much to me and I enjoy getting to know each and every one of you! Eternally Addicted and BobRob~ I talk to you both every day and I can't imagine a day without either of you, thanks for listening, laughing and all the other fun stuff we do;mommymac0508~I think you were my first official fan and so I love you lots for that;Blackie~your humor is so damn funny and I love your emails, they crack me up everytime, sorry that Bella pissed you off last chapter; and to my newest friend~luckystar1012~ the fact that you get my music and encourage me is the best ever! Thanks for your interest in Eternity, I swear I will work my hardest to make it everything you are looking for;) and thanks for the new music to listen to in the meantime! To the rest of you...I love you just as much I just don't know your names;) Leave me a review and perhaps we can be friends as well!  
**

**Playlist:Lost-Little Big Town; Maybe-Allison Krauss; I Can't Make You Love Me-Bonnie Raitt; Ain't No Sunshine-Bill Withers; Only Lonely-Hootie & The Blowfish; Without You-Lost In Love-All Out Of Love-Here I Am-The One That You Love-Making Love Out Of Nothing At All- all by Air Supply;I Never Told You-Colbie Caillat;You Were Meant For Me- Jewel**

**The usual disclaimer applies-I own none of this stuff except the fun that they have!**

**

* * *

**I don't know who I am  
Staring at a million broken pieces here  
I don't know where I stand  
While I'm still, the world goes round so free so cavalier  
Aimlessly I wander, like a drifter  
On a narrow winding road  
I've got plenty of direction  
But I don't know where to go

I'm so lost without you  
I'm so lost without you  
Baby, I'm so lost without you  
That I can't find myself

I'm so lost without you  
Baby, I'm so lost without you  
I'm so lost without you  
That I can't find myself

No it don't seem right  
This canyon of lonely lying in our bed  
Lord how I've cried a waterfall of tears Until my eyes turn red  
Ever since you left me  
It's been like a bullet through my heart  
And I know I should move on  
But I don't know where to start

I'm so lost without you  
I'm so lost without you  
Baby, I'm so lost without you  
That I can't find myself

I'm so lost without you  
Baby, I'm so lost without you  
I'm so lost without you  
That I can't find myself

Ever since you left me  
It's been like a bullet through my heart  
And I know I should move on  
But I don't know where to start

I'm so lost without you  
I'm so lost without you  
Baby, I'm so lost without you  
That I can't find myself

I'm so lost without you  
I'm so lost  
Baby, I'm so lost without you  
That I can't find myself

Little Big Town- Lost

**Chapter 30- Lost**

**Bella's POV**

I let myself into Charlotte's house, it really was amazing. I was just too tired to appreciate it right now. I unpack once I found my room. It didn't take long, I didn't bring much stuff with me. I had laid out what I needed to use and the other random stuff that I crammed into my bag I left in the bag in the floor in the closet.

"Bella, you're running and you know it. You didn't even find out what happened. What has got you so scared?" Charlotte must had come in as I was lost in thought because I didn't hear her at all.

"I don't know." I pouted back at her. She was so patient and kind and I was acting like a small child who wasn't getting their desert first. I was so embarrassed.

"Yes, you do. Be a fucking adult and just admit it." She leaned back and looked me directly in the eyes, she refused to allow me to wallow. I hated her for it. Alice and Rosalie would let me at least have a few days, Charlotte was not giving me an inch.

"I fucking love him! Okay? More than I have ever loved anyone, and I can't lose him. What will I do without him? I can't compete and I'm losing him!" I threw my hands up and allowed them to run through my hair. Even in my anger and fear I couldn't let Edward stray too far from my mind or heart.

"What do you mean you can't compete?" Charlotte spat.

"With Tanya, she has everything, looks, grace, charm, and she's rich. She doesn't need anything from Edward. She has it all and I don't. She is his equal and I'm always going to be a silly girl from the wrong side of the tracks. I don't have anything to offer him. Why did I even allow myself to fall for him?" I leaned against the bathroom wall and slid down into a sitting position on the floor. Charlotte followed me down with a little more grace than I displayed.

"Bella, you don't see yourself in a very good light. As a matter of fact I think you're looking from the back of some dark, dank basement with no light at all. You're beautiful. You're damn near perfect. How could you think that the overly processed Tanya had anything on you? She is shallow, vapid and doesn't have a thing to offer to Edward. He needs you, he completes you, as cheesy as that sounds." She snorted. "Give him the chance to choose, don't run without a fight. Make him see how strong you are; give him the knowledge that will allow him to make the right choice. If you don't you can't blame him when he chooses incorrectly. Now, get your ass up off of the floor and let's get to work." She stood and offered me her hand up.

"Charlotte, how did I get so lucky to end up with you in my life? I can't thank you enough for all you have done for me." I hugged her, feeling the comfort soak into my skin and sooth me.

"Bella, anything for you. I adore you, besides I know where you're at, I've been there. I could have used someone to help me through, so look at it like I'm doing my good deed for women everywhere. No more wallowing?"

"Just give me tonight, I'll be strong enough to fight tomorrow."

"We all need someone eventually, Bella, I'm glad today I was your someone." She turned and walked to the door, flicked out the lights, and left the room.

I promised that tomorrow I would be strong enough to fight, but what if I wasn't ever strong enough? The fear slowly crept back into my soul as I worried about all that had happened while I was away hiding. What if I was too late and Edward had already fallen in love with Tanya again?

I would worry about tomorrow when it came, tonight I would rest. I took a deep breath and made up my mind, tomorrow I would fight for Edward.

I set up my laptop and decide to check my email. I had probably missed a million and two emails at work. I could at least check that account. I was certainly not going to bother checking my personal email. I logged in, and sure enough seventy-eight emails. I quickly deleted those that made it past the spam filter, and set to work on the ones that required my attention. I wanted to do anything to keep me busy and not allow my brain time to think. Halfway down the list of emails I saw one that made me pause. It was from Edward. The subject was 'Please don't delete this without reading it! PLEASE!' I knew I was making a foolish mistake but so help me I opened the damn email. I wanted some kind of connection to him. I felt his pull from wherever he was right now, he was still calling to my body with his. I checked yes to let him know that I had received his email and opened it.

**To: bswan at littlebrownpublishing dot com**

**From: eamc620 at hotmail dot com**

**Re: Please don't delete this without reading it! PLEASE!**

**Attachments: ain't_no_3, only_3**

**Dear Bella, **

**I know I promised to give you time and I swear I will. I know you were hurt this afternoon, and I can't even describe the pain it caused me to see you like that. Just to know that I was the cause of the pain! I am more than sorry. I won't try to go into explanations in this email, that isn't why I was writing. I want to talk face to face, so you can see the emotions behind my words, to know that what I say to you is the truth. Not some story to explain away or cover up lies. I just wanted to feel close to you, to know that in some form we still had a connection. It sounds way creepy when I type it out but I can't help it. Bella, you are my life now. I should have told you all of this to you, made you realize how important you are to me before all of this happened. That way you would have known how I feel and this misunderstanding would not have happened! I'm sorry for not telling you. I can't wait to see you, and talk to you. I feel like a part of me is gone. I feel flat, empty and alone. Please come home soon Bella! I love you, more than words can say! I have attached two songs for you, maybe they will help explain how I feel to you. **

**I Love you!**

**E~ **

I clicked on the first attachment, Edward always loved this song. Bill Withers smooth voice came across at speakers and spoke to me. I could feel his pain, the longing, the sadness! I closed my eyes and just let the images of Edward flood through my mind. I still wasn't sure what to do, I couldn't trust my brain to decided. It only screamed to go home and be with him. My eyes hurt, they were all cried out. My throat was sore and it hurt to talk. My body ached, it wanted one thing and one thing only. It wanted Edward. I wanted Edward to hold me, to tell me that we would be fine. Maybe I ran off too soon. I could have stayed and listened. Would it hurt when he told me the truth? Yes, but it was still going to hurt when he told he the truth. What if he didn't tell me that he wanted to be with Tanya, what if I ran off too soon to hear the truth? How did I go back now and change it? How did I make it all go away, make it go back to the way we have been. I lay across the bed and saved the songs in a playlist simply titled 'Edward'. I set it to repeat and closed my eyes to listen to them. I felt myself drifting off to sleep, I heard Edward beg me not to go.

We spent the next few days planning the publicity tour. The new author had written a teen romance that was getting snapped up off of the shelves. It was imperative that we get her out in the public's face and let them meet her. She had three more books in her series and we wanted to keep the readers interested and devoted to her.

I set about planning the stops to make and all of our arrangements for each stop. I glanced up at the clock and realized that it was way past lunch. I had worked for over five hours non-stop and without thinking of Edward. It felt nice but painful all at the same time. I longed to see his face and hear his voice. I knew deep down that I was wrong to not let him explain, even if the explanation was not what I wanted to hear. I just panicked and let my immature self doubts speak for me instead of taking the adult road.

I finished making a lunch plate for myself, and headed back to the make shift office. Charlotte was at the office gathering some promotional stuff and one other assistant that would be traveling with us. We were flying out first thing tomorrow morning.

I sat down to check my email again. I had over twenty emails but only two needed my attention. I deleted the junk, responded to the two, and opened the last remaining email in my inbox. It was another email from Edward.

**To: bswan at littlebrownpublishing dot com**

**From: eamc620 at hotmail dot com**

**Re: When are you leaving?**

**Attachments:without_3;lost_in_3;all_out_of_3;here_I_3;one_that_you_3;making_love_out_of_nothing_at_3**

**Dear Bella, **

**Have you left yet? I don't know if you're gone and for how long. I hate not being able to talk to you. I miss you. I can't even tell you how much. I know that sounds weak since you have only been gone for a few days but I do. I don't even know if you are getting these emails. I hope you aren't deleting them. **

**I have thought a lot about the day you left here. And I have to say I'm sorry. I know that I did a few things wrong. ****We both did. But I'm sure this is something that we can both get past. I think once we talk things through, in the end I think that the mistakes that we have made will only serve to make us and our relationship stronger. We will both learn from this.**** I miss you, Baby. I can't stand being away from you. I want you home, I know that sounds possessive and crazy but I need to see you, feel you, and most of all hold you. I'm sorry;** **I wish you were here so that I could explain to you all the reasons why I am so very sorry. ****I mean it, this isn't some silly attempt at appeasing you. Bella, please have faith in us. Please, I'm begging you. **

**I'm sending you some more songs that I heard today on the elevator at work. I heard 'Without You' on the elevator and went to look it up in iTunes when I got home. That sent me on an Air Supply kick. I ended up with a lot of songs that I identified with. I know it's kind of cheesy to be sending you songs like we are still in Junior High, but I miss you and I can't help but listen to 'missing you' music. They made me think of you. I hope they don't upset you. I love you, Bella, more than you will ever know. I hope to see you soon. **

**Love, **

**E~**

With every email, I feel worse about the pain I have caused him. I open the songs and add them to the 'Edward's Playlist' and listen to them. They pour out his pain and loneliness each one. I feel the tell tale signs of my tears, the stinging in my eyes, the burn in my chest and the ache in my heart. I want to run to him and tell him that we are going to be okay, that I trust him and will at least listen to him.

Charlotte came in with an arm full of posters, signs and all kinds of stuff for us to use on the tour. The excitement was showing on her face, the look was soon replaced when she was able to process the music that I was listening to.

"You doing okay Bella?"

"Yeah, about as good as I can be." I offered her a small smile. I wasn't able to muster up anything more than that.

I saved the email and closed out iTunes as Charlotte laid out the materials across the desk so we could plan. We worked until early evening. All of our plans were settled and our materials were packed up, ready to head fly out the next morning.

I picked at my pizza for dinner. The closer we came to leaving the more I regretted my decision to actually participate in this tour. I loved my job, and felt like this particular author had the potential to be a household name. But I didn't want to be here for anything in the world. I wanted to be in Edward's arms.

I packed my clothes and readied my stuff to leave. After that was finished I dropped into bed, all I could think about was Edward. All of the ways that he had tried to make changes, the ways that he had improved his life. I needed to take stock in my life and decide what works for me and what needs to be discarded. I would think this through on the plane tomorrow. Maybe focusing on that would keep me from breaking down at the thought of leaving Edward behind.

I pulled my notebook out of my bag and began to make a list of things that I wanted to change. I sat, tapping my pen on my chin when Charlotte moved into the unoccupied seat beside me.

"What has you in deep thought? Or do I need to ask?"

"You're probably on the right track but actually I'm thinking of all the things in my life that I need to purge. I mean Edward has such a clear cut idea of what he wants and how to get there. Me, nothing." I shrugged my shoulders and held up my empty hand to indicate my confusion. "I just wander from thing to thing. Never really being happy with how my life is turning out. I don't know how to change. All my life I have watched Renee wander from thing to thing, or boyfriend to boyfriend. I don't want that, I want to find my soul mate and settle down with him. I want a house, kids and a yard. Maybe I'm too afraid to reach out and take what is right in front of me. How could I push someone like Edward away?" My firm resolve to not cry dissolved when Charlotte gently put her arm around me and pulled me close to her chest.

"Bella, it's hard to know the exact right thing to do all the time. We are human and we will make mistakes. The difference is now that you know that was a mistake, what are you going to do about it?"

"I need to speak to Edward. Even if he tells me that he is leaving, I need to hear it. I have to give him the chance to be honest with me. I just don't know if I can take him telling me that he is leaving me. I loved Jacob, but I know that I never loved him the way I love Edward. He owns my heart and soul. What will I do if he is in love with…her?"

"You will let him go, that's all you can do. You can love him with all you have but you can't make him love you. I can tell you this though, I have seen the way he looks when he talks about you. He is so in love with you that anyone can see that. That isn't a fall in and out of love real quick type of emotion. He is in deep. Call him and tell him that you regret the decision. He will give you the chance to explain and you can give him his chance." Charlotte patted my head while she was rubbing soothing circles on my back. It made me miss Renee even more. Most of the time she was a real flaky mother but every so often when I had my break down and cry moments she was there to soothe me.

"I don't even know what to say to him. I don't even know how to explain my actions or reasons to why I did what I did. How can I make him understand when I don't even know what I'm feeling myself?" Every time I think that I'm making progress I fall back two steps. I really just wanted to be wrapped up in Edward's arms. He always seemed to know what I was trying to say and knew when to push me for more answers.

"You think on that, because you need to know what you're feeling before you can talk to him and explain it to him correctly. He deserves the full truth, and you won't feel any better until you acknowledge the full truth to yourself either." She patted my shoulder as she moved away from me.

Our first night in the hotel was free from any publicity obligations. I wasn't sure if that fact made me happy or sad. I guess that I did need the time to think. The only problem was when I thought of Edward, my chest hurt. His emails made me feel better about where we stood. I knew that Edward would never lie to me, he would not say that he was still in love with me if he had any kinds of feelings for Tanya at all. So, if he didn't have feelings for her then why was he on the street with her? And where exactly did that leave us?

I undressed and slid into bed. I grabbed my laptop so I could check to see if he sent me anymore emails. My heart accelerated at the thought of him wanting to contact me, maybe I hadn't done too much damage to our relationship. I opened my email program and waited while my emails downloaded. I had thirty six emails but none were from Edward. My heart sank a little at the reality that perhaps I had waited too long. I reread the last two emails he had sent to me. I closed the program when the pain became too much to take. As much as I wanted to be strong I just couldn't, I began to cry again.

As I analyzed the fear, I realized that most of it began with Renee and her history with men. Why did she spend years wandering from man to man trying to convince herself that each one was 'The One'. Then she when she met Phil she changed, her whole attitude changed. I needed to know what it was about Phil that changed her. I did the only possible thing that I could do, I picked up the phone and called her.

"Bella, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, mom. I'm sorry that I'm calling kind of late but I got to talk to you. Edward and I have had a big fight. And I don't know what to do."

"Aw, baby, tell me what happened. I don't know what I can do for you but I will be happy to at least listen." Her tone sounded motherly, I was once again surprised at the change in my mother in the six years since she had married Phil.

"Well, I told you about Edward and Tanya's past when he was away at college, right?" I knew that I had told her but I couldn't remember how much I had told her.

"Yeah." She responded.

"Well, He promised me that he wouldn't have anything to do with her ever again, especially after the whole phone call incident. But I saw them standing on the street wrapped in each other's arms. I freaked out and panicked. I ran home and packed some clothes. I wanted to get out of there before he came home. I'm not sure what I was thinking, my brain would only tell me to pack and run."

"Oh Bella. You didn't even let him explain?" She interrupted me.

"I know, I KNOW! I screwed up, I was so afraid to hear what he had to say. I was afraid that he would tell me that he was going to leave me for Tanya. I couldn't hear it from him, my heart wouldn't have made it through that. I WAS SO STUPID! Now I'm off on a three week publicity tour and the only place I really want to be is with Edward, so I can beg his forgiveness!" My body must have been tired of crying by this point in time because only silent tears fell down my cheeks.

"Bella, there is only one thing you can do and that is go back and find out what Edward is feeling. As much as it sucks you're just going to have to face the music, it won't get any easier the longer you wait."

"I plan on doing just that, but I need to ask you about something else as well. Actually, I need to talk to you about this more than the Edward thing. Cause I already had the Edward thing figured out, but this thing I need to talk to you about I don't know anything about at all. I mean I guess that part is obvious or else I wouldn't need to ask you about it. So, you know, can we talk about it?" I was rambling, word vomiting, whatever you wanted to call it. I was doing it. I wasn't sure how she would react to me asking personal questions about her love life and such.

"Sure. I've never tried to keep secrets from you, ask away." Renee was right, she never kept anything from me, she always talked to me like I was a small adult. I guess in many ways I'm thankful that she didn't try to treat me like a child when most of the time it was me taking care of her instead of the other way around.

"Well, I know that I didn't really pay much attention to a lot of the guys that you dated but I did notice that you seemed to change who you were based on the guy you were dating. And with each guy you would say the same thing to me 'Bella, this one is the one, I'm sure of it!' but then a few months later they were gone just like all of the ones before them. I guess I'm a little scared to settle down for good between you and Charlie, I don't know who got it right and how do I find the middle road that will make me happy. I kind of have relationship whiplash." Renee let out a large sigh, I was afraid that I charged in too fast. I should have went a little slower before asking the deep questions.

"I was so worried that this would happen to you. You're right you didn't have any good role models on that aspect did you? I guess you don't need to follow either of us. We each went the opposite routes didn't we?" She chuckled but it was a bittersweet sound. "I was trying too hard Bella. I tried to be who I thought those guys wanted, who they would love, when in fact I was running them off because I came across as a psychotic bitch. I couldn't keep up the façade 24/7 and would get tired of trying, so I would blame them when they would question who I really was. I spent many years trying to find my happiness in a man. I was so tired of it by the time that I met Phil that I didn't even try with him. I was just me, if he didn't like me then to hell with him. And it turns out that was the thing that I should have done years before. Phil liked me and I don't have to exhaust myself trying to be someone I wasn't. So we both are happy. I never realized that I had to be happy with myself before someone else could be happy with me. I tried to be who I thought they wanted and it didn't work. I'm sorry that you got mixed in between both of us."

"I know you and Dad tried to keep me out of it, but I guess no matter how hard you try it filters down. How did you learn to be happy with you?" That seemed to be the step that I couldn't master, I mean I was happy with Edward but was that a fluke?

"I just got tired of not being happy, of not enjoying my life. I got tired of searching for it. I decided that I was going to say to hell with it all and just do what I wanted each and every day, no matter what I was going to do what I wanted. I didn't care what anyone else thought, I made myself happy every day. Now, will it be that simple for you, I don't know. Only you know that. I will say this that you never sounded happier when you were with Edward. You sounded full of confidence and joy. So, what did you do during that time frame that made you happy?" I was astounded that the answer could be so simple. All I had to do was make myself happy each day. Wow!

"I just focused on what Edward and I wanted, we hung out with his family and just had fun. It wasn't really a conscience decision but I guess looking back at it I really did just do what made me happy each day. Well, with a few exceptions. I guess when it's good, it's really good and when it's bad it sucks ass!" We both broke out laughing.

"Why do you think Dad never dated after you and him broke up?" I figured I would see if her sage advice was going to help me solve this issue as well, I mean it wasn't like I could go and ask Charlie himself.

"I think that Charlie was just happy with the way things were. He didn't feel lonely like I did, he didn't miss the companionship like I did. Now, don't get me wrong you father was a wonderful husband but I think he subscribed to the phrase 'If it ain't broke don't fix it!' and to him his life wasn't broke. Besides how many hot lonely single mothers do you think wanders through good old Forks, Washington? I don't think he ever came across anyone that tickled his fancy. I do know that he went out with Sue Clearwater a few times the last year or so before he was killed. But I think by then they both were happy with their lives and didn't see the need to change much. So, as much as you think he was lonely, I don't really think he was. Charlie was a simple man and I think he liked his simple life." I was surprised that my mom seemed to know so much about my dad.

"You talk like you know this for sure and you two talked about it. Did you talk about it?" I stuttered out.

"Well yeah we talked. Not so much at first but later things got easy for us and we were kind of good friends. I asked his advice about lots of things, home repair, guys, car stuff, and all kinds of stuff. I asked him several times about the girlfriend status and he in so many words told me exactly what I told you, so yeah I know." My jaw was on the floor, I couldn't believe that so much of my parent's life I was oblivious about. I must have walked around with my head up my own ass for a lot of the time.

"Wow, I never knew this about you two. I spent so much time anguishing over the terrible lives I thought you two thought you had and in all reality you both were fairly happy the whole time. I guess I got a lot of stuff wrong." I was speechless.

"it just goes to show you, Bella, that when you over think things they get bigger in your head than they really are. Stop over thinking and just live. I showed the kids in class the other day this movie "Finding Nemo", have you seen it? It's a great movie and Ellen Degeneres does the voice of this fish Dorie, she sings a song all the way through, 'Just keep swimming, keep swimming, keep swimming'. That's what you need to do, Bella, is just keep swimming. Don't let this get you down. Do what feels right to you and don't let anyone talk you out of it. Sure you'll make mistakes, we all do, but for the most part you won't regret your life when you're old and lying on your death bed looking back. Does that clear things up for you?"

"Yeah, mom, I guess it does. I just expected a long complicated answer and it really was so simple I was over looking it 'cause I was looking for the hard answer." Laughter was bubbling its way out of my throat and I didn't try to fight it back down. I opened my mouth and let it loose.

"Bella, go home and tell Edward how you feel, beg his forgiveness for your mistakes and see how he feels. It can only go one of two ways, either way you need to know so you can move forward. I love you, sweetheart; I know you will do the right thing. Good night, Bella."

"Thanks, mom. I love you too, I will call you and let you know how things go."

I set the alarm on my phone and laid it down on the night stand. I didn't lay awake tonight, my mind was at ease enough that I slipped off into sleep easily.

I spent the next week knowing what I needed to do but still avoiding the actual doing it part. I didn't want to leave Charlotte in the middle of the publicity tour, she had been so good to me. She took me in and helped me when I needed someone desperately. I just couldn't leave her without help. So, I put off going back home to Forks. I had not gotten another email from Edward. I did get several from Alice and Rosalie. I had already apologized for running out on them as well. I dropped communication with both of them as well. I missed them both so much. I knew that they both were trying to stay out of the middle so we didn't talk about Edward at all. They both took great pains to talk about everything but Edward. And I was too stupid to ask, again I was afraid that they would tell me that Edward and Tanya were hanging out together again. Besides I needed to hear whatever the outcome was from Edward. I owed him that much to allow him to have his say and me have mine. I knew that if Alice or Rosalie told me what was going on in his life and it wasn't what I wanted to hear I would not go back and give him his time. So, we all avoided that topic and we got along just fine.

I threw myself into my work and worked for as long as I could each day. I still wasn't able to sleep on a regular basis, but I really didn't think that I would be able to until I was able to settle this matter for once and all. I worked until I was exhausted and then fell asleep. I thought I was hiding it well, I guess not because Charlotte called me into her suite to talk to me.

"Bella, how are you?" She hadn't looked up at me yet, she kept reading the paper in front of her face.

"I'm fine, Charlotte, I'm learning so much from this tour. I like that I can see and learn stuff that I couldn't learn in the office. I'm so glad that I cam…" I stopped at this point because Charlotte dropped the paper she held in front of her and cut me the do-you-think-I'm-buying-this-shit look.

"Bella, I don't believe the shit you're spewing anymore than you do. You're miserable and want to be back in Forks right now. Don't give me that look, we both know I'm right and the fact that you aren't disputing it just proves my point. What I can't figure out is why you haven't asked to go home yet."

Shit, I didn't want to leave her alone without help and piss her off. Now, she is acting pissed that I'm staying. "Charlotte, I didn't want to leave you without help. So far we have both worked our asses off and if I leave that will leave you with more work to do. I couldn't do that to you after all you have done for me. I do want to go home and get all of this out in the open but I just can't leave you. I told Edward that I would be home in three weeks so he won't be hurt if I don't come home sooner."

"Bella, you aren't sleeping, you aren't eating and if you aren't focusing on some work related item, you're off in space. I think it is only a matter of time before you drop from exhaustion or lack of food. Remember I have been in your place before, I know what it is like. Go home and I will have Lauren join us on the next stop. She is a smart girl and besides if I'm promoting you I will need someone to take your place so it's time that she learns the ropes as well. Now, here is your ticket, it is non refundable so go and pack your shit and go back to Forks. Go and get your man back! You have an hour and a half before your flight takes off, and the ride to the airport is about twenty minutes. There is a car waiting for you, so go! You can thank me when I see you in the office. Take the rest of the week off and report Monday. Bye Bella." I turned and rushed from her room. I was going to go home to Forks, tonight!

**Charlotte's POV**

I stared at the closed door I wasn't lying to Bella before when we talked about my situation, I had been in her position before. Thank God she didn't ask me how it turned out, I didn't want to dash her hopes. I knew without a doubt that Edward was a stronger, better man than Garrett had ever been. I had no doubt that Edward would do the right thing. But I was going to make sure that he had a push in the right direction.

I slid out from behind the desk where I sat and went to my room. I opened my briefcase, where I had placed Bella's discarded cell and pulled up the number that I needed.

"Hello." The voice sounded every bit as concerned as I knew it would.

"Hello, I'm sorry for calling so late in the evening. My name is Charlotte Grant, Bella Swan works for me. May I please speak to Esme Cullen?" I was silently hoping that I was not making a big fucking mistake.

"This is Esme, is Bella alright?"

"Yes, she is as good as she can be, but I need your help." I relayed everything to Esme. We talked like we were old friends, our common goal of helping Bella find her way back home joined us. I told Esme about her last two weeks with me, her depression, her weight loss, her nightmares, everything. I relayed the flight info for the flight that I booked for Bella. She wrote it all down, and promised to be there to pick up Bella.

"Esme, I've come to love her like a daughter, and I know that you do as well. She promised me she would be strong enough to fight for Edward. Make her fight, don't let her give up and regret this for the rest of her life. Promise me this?"

"I want nothing more, Edward wants her home so bad. He has been nearly insane trying to figure out how to get in touch with her. He has pissed off half of your employees and security has threatened to have him arrested if he showed up at the office one more time. He truly loves her and wants her home. I know I'm his mother and this will sound biased, but he really didn't do anything wrong this time. It was a misunderstanding, please believe me. Edward had been searching for Bella to tell her this." Her voice sounded pained and truthful. I know mothers will favor their child but something in Esme's plea made me believe that this was really the case.

"Thank you for your help." It wasn't enough but it was all I could say to her. My heart pleaded to whatever higher power that would listen to me that Bella and Edward would work this out.

"No, Charlotte, thank you. You took care of her when we couldn't, when no one else could. I'm indebted to you. I will be there to pick her up and bring her home. Can I call you later and let you know how things went?"

"I would expect nothing less." I responded.

"Goodnight Charlotte."

"Same to you, Esme."

For the first time in two weeks I felt hope for Bella. The despair was pushed to the bottom of my heart, to the part where I kept my regrets and failed dreams. Bella's life would take a different turn than mine did, I would see to it.

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**E/N: Does this make up for anything? Do you feel better now? Did I screw it up royally? Let me know. And as usual the outfits and such are on my profile so go and take a look! Until next Monday;)**


	31. Chapter 31 Mi Mancherai

**A/N: To all the peeps-you are the best peeps in the world! I can't tell you how cool it is to see the emails pop up in my inbox when you all send me your love! You are the best ever!**

**If you have not checked out The Fandom Gives Back, please go and do so! I am bidding on a couple of things and have joined a team. There are several teams out there that allow you to take advantage for such a small amount of money, some as low as $5. Come on people that is $5 that will go to help finding a cure for cancer! I can't think of a better way to spend your money! Just saying :) Besides there is some really cool stuff on there up for sale, now is the time that I do wish I were SM and had her cash, lol! **

**Speaking of the great one, SM. I don't own Twilight, the characters or anything related to it. I know, I know that makes me sad as well. I also don't own any of the songs or song lyrics that I have used here in the story. Sounds kinda like I got the short end of the stick!**

**Playlist:Mi Mancherai-Josh Groban, It Never Entered My Mind-Miles Davis, I Can't Stop Loving You-Keith Urban,If You're Gone-Matchbox Twenty, You Run Away-Bare Naked Ladies, What Hurts The Most-Rascal Flatts, Best I'll Ever Be(Acoustic Version)-Sister Hazel, Your Mistake(Acoustic Version)-Sister Hazel**

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Mi mancherai se te ne vai~ I'll miss you if you go  
Mi mancherà la tua serenità~ I will miss your serenity  
Le tue parole come canzoni al vento~ Your words like songs in the wind  
E l'amore che ora porti via~ And love that now take away  
Mi mancherai se te ne vai~ I'll miss you if you go  
Ora per sempre non so come vivere~ Now I do not know how to live forever  
E l'allegria, amica mia, va via con te~ And joy, my friend, goes away with you

Mi mancherai, mi mancherai, perchè vai via~ I miss you I miss you, why go away  
Perchè l'amore in te si è spento~ Why the love in you is dead  
Perchè, perchè...~ Because ...  
Non cambierà niente lo so~ I know nothing will change  
E dentro sento te~ And inside I feel you

Mi mancherai, mi mancherai, perchè vai via~ I miss you I miss you, why go away  
Perchè l'amore in te si è spento~ Why the love in you is dead  
Perchè, perchè...~ Because ...  
Non cambierà niente lo so~ I know nothing will change  
E dentro sento te~ And inside I feel you

Mi mancherà l'immensità~ I'll miss the immensity  
Dei nostri giorni e notti insieme noi~ Of our days and nights with us  
I tuoi sorrisi quando si fa buio~ Your smiles when it is dark  
La tua ingenuità da bambina, tu...~ Your naivete as a child, you ...

Mi mancherai amore mio~ I miss you my love  
Mi guardo e trovo un vuoto dentro me~ I look and I find emptiness inside of me  
E l'allegria, amica mia, va via con te~ And joy, my friend, goes away with you

Josh Groban~ Mi Mancherai

**Chapter 31- Mi Mancherai**

**Edward's POV**

I laid in bed and stared at Bella's things. Things she had left behind. My chest ached and my throat burned with all of the pent up emotions. Emotions that I wanted to just let loose, to let them flow out of me, to rid myself of the pain and anguish. I couldn't, it was too much like giving up. I wasn't going to even allow myself the thought that Bella wouldn't eventually be back. She said she would be back when the tour was over; I just needed to hold on until then. But that was three weeks from now, how would I hold on without seeing her until then?

Perhaps she hadn't left yet, maybe she went into work and I could catch her there. Carlisle would have my ass if he found out that I approached her when he had specifically told me not to, but I couldn't care at this point. I had to see Bella. To tell her how sorry I was, and that I didn't blame her for being angry, then I would beg her not to give up on us without a fight.

I ran into our room, trying not to look at anything while I was in there. I didn't want reminders to break me down, I didn't have time. I threw open the closet doors and grabbed the first shirt hanging in the closet, and a pair of pants. Not slowing down to bother with a shower, I quickly put on some deodorant, brushed my teeth and dressed. I was ready and out the door in about 10 minutes. All the other cars were gone so I would not have any opposition to my plan, at least in the form of my family.

I walked with purpose into the building. I didn't even bother to stop at the reception desk; I knew my destination. I could feel the panic building up in me, afraid that someone would stop me from achieving my goal. As the elevator doors slid open, I made my way in, and pressed the fourth floor button.

My mind was racing by the time the elevator stopped at the fourth floor. I made my way to the smaller reception desk located directly in front of the elevators. I had no choice now, it was the only way to gain access to Bella's office. I would have to be buzzed in by the receptionist.

I pulled up my best smile, "Hello, may I please see Bella Swan?"

"May I let her know who is asking for her?" She smiled back at me, perhaps it was going to work.

"Ah, well see that is the problem I would like to surprise her. Is there any way we could keep it a secret? I don't want to ruin the surprise." One more big smile to soften her resolve. I felt like such a slime ball using these tactics, but my need to see Bella was greater than my sense of decorum right now.

The receptionist bit the end of her pen and gave me a doubtful look. "I'm not sure that is a good idea. I can't buzz you back unless I have been given permission by Ms. Swan, company policy. I'm sorry."

"I assure you that I'm not here to cause any harm to Bella. I'm her boyfriend, I just want to surprise her. She wasn't expecting me." I offered up the slightly sad puppy dog face that used to get us extra cookies from Esme.

"Perhaps I could call and see if she is in her office and if she is busy at the moment. Maybe she could come out here and you could surprise her here?" She said with hesitation and nervousness in her voice. She seemed to be waging war with herself, denying me the chance to surprise my girlfriend while at the same time adhering to company policy. I felt like a total jackass for putting her in this position, when I knew I was being dishonest the whole time. I knew that Bella probably wouldn't want to see me at her job, hell she probably wouldn't want to see me anywhere right now. Unless it is tied to a whipping post in the town square while she wielded the whip to punish me for what she believed was my indiscretion. As fast as that thought occurred to me, another thought came telling me that no matter how wrong I might be to be here lying to this poor receptionist, I knew without a doubt, I had to try one last time to see and talk to Bella before she left.

My brain began an internal debate, one side begging me to tell the truth and leave, the other telling me this is the only way I was going to get to see Bella. The receptionist was on the phone but I didn't hear her speaking at all. Perhaps I missed it while I was debating. I stepped away from her desk when she gave me a nervous smile. I could hear her murmuring into the phone now. This little plan was probably going to go to hell in a hand basket in a few minutes anyway. I tried another smile to reassure myself as well as my unwilling and completely unknowing partner in crime.

She replaced the phone into the cradle and smiled. "Someone will be right out."

I sighed, my relief pouring out of me. The debate was over and I couldn't feel bad that the wrong side prevailed when it meant that I would get to see Bella, for however brief the visit would be. I would still get to see her. I felt a flash of panic, the receptionist said someone, not Bella. What the hell did that mean? Before I could ask the doors swung open and a tall, slim lady stepped through them. Not Bella.

"Mr. Cullen would you follow me?" She nodded politely, but her eyes showed everything but politeness.

"Sure." So, I wouldn't be seeing Bella after all. I nodded and flashed a smile at the poor receptionist that I had attempted to corrupt; she needed to know that I held no ill will for her because she did her job correctly.

I was led into a large office, Charlotte Stewart's name was on the door; it held pictures and mementoes that didn't belong to Bella. It didn't smell like Bella at all. The mysterious lady, I'm assuming that she is the Charlotte that Bella as been talking about for all this time, gestured to a chair as she gracefully dropped into hers. I followed suit.

"I don't think we need to bullshit each other, we both know that Bella doesn't know and she probably doesn't want you here. So, why don't you tell me what you're doing?"

I blanched. "I was hoping to see Bella." My resolve was gone, my shoulders slumped and I cowered down into the chair I was sitting in.

"I don't know exactly what is going on but I can tell you this; I don't appreciate you coming into here and trying to lie your way in…"

I cut her off, my excitement to make her understand the situation pulling me out of the chair. "I had to! I couldn't go three weeks without Bella knowing what happened. I know she's leaving and I just had to see her before she left. I am more sorry than you will know about the lying. I just had to see her. I had to." I dropped back into my seat.

"Well, the good thing is that I believe you. And for that you are going to walk out of here without a security escort, but don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I won't allow you back here unless Bella gives her permission for you to be. Are we clear Mr. Cullen?"

All I could do was nod my acceptance.

"I don't know what happened between you two." She held up her hand to stop me from spilling my guts to her. "But I do know that Bella was, perhaps is still, totally in love with you. If you let her go you are stupid and crazy, so I encourage you to go and make things right with her. She is worth it, but _do_ it on your own time and not on mine. This is Bella's place of work, not your therapist's office." She waved her hand at me to dismiss me. I stood and walked towards the door.

I turned and look back at her. "Please tell her that I do love her and I swear there is an explanation. I would never hurt her, I promise." She nodded and I left the building.

I walked into the house and immediately went to my piano. I needed to play, to let out the emotions that threatened to pull me under. I began to play anything that came to mind. Somehow they were all sad haunting melodies. I ran to the stereo system in the living room and plugged my iPod into it. I selected the song I wanted and ran back to the piano.

The violins swept through the speakers and I sat poised to play when the piano joined them. I closed my eyes as the sad words of the song flooded my memory. It fit me so well right now. It was about a man who lost his love and how everything else left with her. Emmett hated it because it was sung in Italian but the song had always been one of my favorites. Especially now. I played along to the music flowing out of the speakers in the room, completely lost in the song. I replayed so many memories of the time we spent together, wishing to relive every one of them, begging for the chance to make it right with her again. I flowed with the music;(,) I didn't think that I had ever been this immersed before. Music had always been very important to me and touched me. I related to music but never as strong as now.

I played for hours pouring it all out on the piano keys; the pain, anguish, regret, fear, hope, but most of all love. I knew from talking with Dr. Ward that holding all of this in would lead me down a road I didn't want to go down. I called Carlisle, it was time to clear the air between us and let him know what happened between Bella and me.

"Hey Edward, I was thinking about calling you. You okay?" The disdain and regret was gone from his voice, he sounded like the father he had been all these years to me again.

"About as good as I can be." My accompanying laugh was nowhere near convincing. "I uh, well I think we need to talk and clear the air between us. I need for you to know what happened so that you understand the situation and know that I would never hurt Bella, and I also need to get it out and talk about it. I just don't think I can hold it any anymore. So can we please talk?"

"Sure, I'm close to town. You want me to come to you or you want to meet me somewhere?"

"Let's meet somewhere, everyone else is going to be home soon and it's hard to talk with all the movement going on. That coffee house you like sound good?"

"That sounds fine. I'll call Esme and let her know I'll be late. I'll see you there in twenty minutes."

"I'll be there."

True to his word Carlisle walked in about twenty minutes later. I nodded at the cup in front of me, "I got you a decaf, I figured that you wouldn't want the caffeine this late in the evening."

"Biological or not, you are definitively my son. Decaf is great. So, tell me what's on your mind."

I spent the next hour or so reliving each and every detail of the day with Carlisle. He listened mostly but he did ask a few questions. When it was all said and done he sat back in his chair and ran a hand through his hair. "I guess all you can do, son, is just give her time. Bella needs time to process all of the details. She often lets her emotions run away with her and when she has had time to process it then she realizes that things aren't as they appear. I know she loves you, and right now I just hope that the love she has for you is enough to make her come back for long enough that you can explain it to her." He sat back and took a few sips of his freshly refilled coffee cup. "I think I owe you an apology. I guess I jumped to conclusions and assumed myself, instead of waiting for you to explain. I'm sorry for that. I just saw Bella's pain and the way all of you were gathered around her, it was like watching a bunch of bullies gang up on a small helpless child on the playground and I reacted. I should have known that none of you would ever hurt Bella. All I can offer is that my protective instincts took over and I went with it. I can see the pain in your eyes. I know that this is hurting you." He reached over and patted my arm. "She'll be home soon and she promised Esme that you both would sit down and talk. I know that doesn't ease your mind right this moment but at least you know that eventually you will have the chance to make it better." He leaned back in his seat.

Carlisle and Esme both were fairly young when they started taking each of us in, and most days he didn't seem his age at all. But every so often, in times like these, I could see it creeping up on him. His concern paved the way for it to slide in and take residence on his face. I could only hope that the joy he received came in larger quantities than the sadness.

I felt the need to comfort him. "I'm sure that it will be fine. My heart tells me that she will understand and for now that is good enough. I will deal with whatever comes next when it gets here." I ran my hand through my hair just as I caught Carlisle mimicking the move. We both laughed at the other and the heaviness of the talk passed away.

"I do have some good news for you. I have the okay to let you start the day after tomorrow at the hospital. At least you will be busy during the day and not moping around like a love sick puppy."

"Hey, who ratted me out? I don't mope, it's more like a slight sulking." I could only guess which of my siblings would have told on me.

"Well actually it was several of them, but they meant well so don't blame them. Besides I did ask them how you were so in all fairness it was me, not them. And I do know you, Edward, you were moping. I will bet on that fact."

"Fine, I'll concede to a small amount of moping. Now what time do you want me at the hospital day after tomorrow?"

"I'll be in at eleven a.m.; I will do the eleven to eleven shift, so why don't you come on in then. You can work with me in the ER, that sound okay?"

"Sounds good. Carlisle, thanks for everything, so many things that I can't even remember them all."

"Any time, now get your ass on home and get to sulking. I'm sure this little meeting has caused you to fall behind schedule." He gave me the official man hug and we walked from the coffee shop laughing together.

When I walked into the house everyone was cuddled up on the couches in the living room watching a movie. Alice and Jasper sat up, but I waved them back down.

"Don't get up, I'm good. I promise. We talked and sorted things out. Besides I'm angry at the ones that ratted me out for moping around all the time." Alice and Jasper each pointed at the other. "Exactly as I thought. Ratted out by the family, harsh!" I walked away chuckling. I patted Em's shoulder as I passed his and Rosalie's sleeping bodies on the way upstairs. He held up his closed fist and I bumped it.

"Things good?" he murmured.

"Yeah, Em, things are good. Go back to sleep."

"K."

I dashed upstairs and went to Bella's room. I dropped diagonally across the bed and pulled her pillows up close to my face. Her scent was slowly fading from them and I prayed that she came back before it was gone completely. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it out as quickly as I possibly could, praying that it was Bella. It was a text from Carlisle.

**E~**

**Might be a good idea to call Dr. Ward.**

**He might be able to offer some advice on how to deal and make peace.**

**Thanks for the coffee and for the talking, I enjoyed both.**

**See you day after tomorrow!**

**BDC~**

I laughed out loud, literally at him. For several years Emmett thought it was a good idea to call him 'Big Daddy C', he said it gave Carlisle street cred. That was obviously during Emmett's gangster rap phase. Every so often he pulls out the nickname to make us laugh. It always worked. I replied.

**BDC~**

**Can't argue with the wisdom of you!**

**Power to the People!**

**Lil'E~**

If he could use his alter ego, so could I.

One less day to wait on Bella was the thought on my mind when I drifted off to sleep.

I arrived at Forks General about twenty minutes early, knowing that Carlisle's penchant for the same. I met him in his office and we immediately went to work. It was a busy day. The schools were out for summer so that offered more opportunities for the population of Forks (of them) to injure themselves while participating in dangerous activities all in the name of fun.

Most of the day had been fine; I was too busy to think about missing Bella. It felt nice to be back in the swing of things again, and I felt normal again for a few hours. That was until I stepped foot in the empty elevator on my way to the lab upstairs to get some results that I needed and heard the song that brought me to my knees…Without You by Air Supply. As a matter of fact, most of the Air Supply songs could have brought me down. The singer was sad, mushy, and desperate to have the girl back. Funny, that was a perfect description of me.

The short ride up three floors felt as though they took a day and a half, and about two verses and a chorus of the song. Enough time that the song would stick with me for the rest of the day. Suddenly there were more brunette women in the ER, and each and every one of them caused my heart to stop beating for a fraction of a second until they would turn and I didn't see the familiar beautiful brown eyes. It was a relief because my heart would start again but each time my world would tilt further off of its axis. The twelve hour shift seemed to never end.

When I walked in the door of the house, Alice and Rosalie greeted me with a plate of food and an ice cold beer. I needed both. Everyone joined me at the table so they could hear the gross stories about what I had seen that day. Okay, well Emmett was the only one that wanted to know the gross stuff, the rest of them just wanted to know that I had made it through another day. And I had, mostly.

When I was finished with my food we all headed in opposite directions to get some sleep. I found myself wide awake on Bella's bed with my laptop open. I checked my email to see if by chance she had replied to the previous email I sent her. I knew her phone was off. It went straight to voice mail, so there was no use calling her anymore, but I would try to email her again. My address book gave me the option of personal or work email and like the devious lovesick fool that I was I chose work. My chances of her actually seeing that I wanted to contact her were greater with that email address. She didn't ask me not to contact her again after the first email and songs. So, I was hoping that my chances were good that she may want the small amount of contact that this would give her. I typed out my message while my brain played the Air Supply song again in my head as background noise for me. I minimized the email and opened iTunes. I downloaded every song that applied to my situation. I made a Bella's playlist and added them. I set to repeat and reopened the email. I poured out my thoughts to her and included my cheesy Air Supply songs for her. I would do whatever it took for her to realize that I wanted her back home with me, in my arms so I could hold her and love her like she deserved. I sent up a small prayer that she was getting the emails and not deleting them. I closed the email. I left iTunes playing as I turned out the lights and hoped for sleep to come.

I called Dr. Ward as soon as I woke up the next day. I really did want to see what kind of advice he could give me.

"Hello."

"Good morning Dr. Ward, its Edward. How are you?"

"Edward! It is good to hear from you, I'm doing great. How are you doing?"

"Well, I actually am calling for some advice so that must mean not great, right?"

"Let's hear it then."

I relayed the situation to him. He sighed and I could hear the clink of his glasses when they hit the desk.

"Okay first let's start with this, what did you hope to gain from meeting Tanya?" I heard the familiar pen scratching as I talked. In an odd sort of way it was comforting to hear it.

"I wanted to get some closure. I wanted her to see how happy I was and perhaps if she knew about Bella then that would be the push to cause her to move on and leave me alone."

"Okay, that is a reasonable answer. Was there even the smallest amount of desire to see her for any other reason at all? Any of those old feelings stir within you?"

"No, none at all and in fact she actually had to convince me to go. I didn't want to at all, but then I started thinking that if I didn't go then she may look at this like a challenge and continue to push until I went. So I decided to go, simply to just get it over with and not have to worry about dealing with her anymore. Then thought that if I made her see that I was in love and happy then she would go away for good. She'd know there was no way she could weasel her way back into my life again." The anger and frustration at myself was building, I could see all of my mistakes so clearly now.

"At least you went for the right reasons. My only question was why didn't you contact Bella? You could have simply told her that you were meeting Tanya and the reason behind the meeting. That would have saved you all of this trouble." I heard more scratching from his pen as he asked.

"I was trying to protect her from worrying. I figured that I could go, meet Tanya and get home before Bella. That way she didn't spend the day worrying for nothing. I was just trying to save her from herself. Believe me if I could change it now I would." My hands were working their way through my hair in tandem. I was so nervous to hear his opinions about this. His direction the last time set me off on the right foot and I was afraid what he was going to tell me. I was afraid that he would say that I had made an irreparable mistake that Bella should walk away for good.

"Well unfortunately life doesn't work that way, our mistakes are just that…our mistakes. You can't protect Bella from everything. Life is going to get in no matter how high you build that wall around her. First, you have to let her live her life and you live yours. You need to step back and allow her to make decisions for herself. Second, by you making all of the decisions for her that isn't a relationship, that is a dictatorship. I know the need to protect her comes from a good place, but again it is left over fear from what you and Tanya had. You have to let that go and learn to live with Bella in the moment that you two are in. Allow her to choose for herself. If she gets hurt, then be there to help her through it, but you can't make the decisions for her. You will suffocate her and never find happiness for either of you."

"I know, I see that now. I see the mistakes clearly. I just want the chance to tell her that I know what my mistakes were and make that up to her. I just want her home." I could see his point and in so many words Bella had hinted at that fact before to me. She was a brilliant and well balanced woman who was capable of making her own decisions; she didn't need me sheltering her like I knew better than she did what was good for her.

"I understand that as well, but Edward I think that you both have some work to do here. She jumped to a lot of conclusions and didn't allow you to explain. That shows me that she has some trust issues, I don't know how deep they are but they are there for sure. Did you set up the appointment for a therapist in Forks?"

"Not yet, I had only been home two days when all of this went down. I forgot about it in all of the madness. Carlisle just reminded me to give you a call last night."

"That's fine, I just think that when Bella comes home, and I say when because I do believe she will, you both may be better off going to some couples therapy together. The bulk of what you have left to work on will benefit Bella as well. It will show her that you are ready to commit to her and make your relationship that much stronger. I think you both will be much happier. This isn't a long term thing for either of you, just some communication and trust issues to be dealt with on a short term until you two can do it on your own. What do you say?"

I was ecstatic, I wanted to hear that we could make it together and Dr. Ward seemed to think that was a real possibility. "I think that is a great idea. I think Bella would be open to that option; she seemed very encouraging when I was seeing you so I think that she will at least consider it for both of us together. Thank you Dr. Ward. Again, words aren't enough."

"Anytime, Edward, that's what I'm here for. You let me know how things are going okay and call anytime you need me."

"I will, thanks again."

I felt hope again. I just prayed that Bella was willing to forgive me. I just needed a chance.

It had been several days since I sent her the last email. I still had not gotten any response. I didn't know if that was a good sign or not. I wavered each day between feeling hope and optimism and then just as quickly I would sink down to despair and anguish again. I just needed a small email, a hello or 'I need more time' or something. Anything to let me know where her head was at, just anything.

It was hard to go anywhere without her. Everything reminded me of her. Even if it was a memory from high school, it still hurt to think of her at all. Each day that went by without contact got that much harder. If I wasn't working I usually didn't go anywhere. I stayed in bed, in her bed, trying to smell her, to keep willing her home.

Esme, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, and even Emmett tried to talk to me. To encourage me, but it was just getting harder. What if she decided to not come home? What if she decided that I wasn't worth the effort anymore?

I grabbed the laptop and opened Outlook. One final email, I would send one final email.

**To:bswan at littlebrownpublishing dot com**

**From:eamc620 at hotmail dot com**

**Re: Please**

**Attachments:Best_Ill_Ever_3;Your_3**

**Dear Bella,**

**Each day gets harder. I almost can't take it. I go to the hospital to work but that's it. No matter where I go I'm facing memories of you so it is easier to stay in bed and not be reminded. But hell, your bed reminds me of you as well, so I'm fucked either way. I need you, Bella. I love you! I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. I know that I promised that I would wait until we were face to face to tell you this and explain, but I can't wait, Bella. You have to hear it because I can't take the silence, I need you. I was there to meet Tanya so that she would see how happy I was with you, so she would move on and find her happiness. But when I got there she was already happy, she had already moved on. She is in love and actually engaged. She wanted to apologize to me for all the pain she had caused me, that's it. It was part of her 12 step program that she met with me and apologized to me. Neither of us wants more. There was no love, no secret meeting. I see now that it was wrong of me to go and meet her without letting you know. I swear it was just to keep you from worrying about me and her together. I can even see that I was wrong to make the choice to meet with her and keep it from you. You are a grown woman who is capable of making your own decisions and I should have given you the chance to decide. You don't need me to protect you from everything, I see that now. But know this: that I made a promise to you that I would never fall for her again and I won't. She is my past. I'm done with her, she and I both are happier without each other. I want you Bella, no I need you. I can't live without you, this time without you has proved that. So I guess at least something good has come from this. I hope this helps you make a decision; I hope this brings you home to me. I love you more than words can express and need you in my life. As always I have included two songs for you. **

**I Love You! Please Come Home Soon!**

**Edward  
**

I sent the email and closed the laptop. I crawled into bed and waited for her response. I begged and prayed that it would be the one that I wanted, that I hadn't waited too long.

* * *

**E/N: Not much to say here, leave me some love and go and bid at The Fandom Gives Back! Till next Monday...**


	32. Chapter 32 EverythingStorm

**A/N: Let's see a show of hands from those people that are surprised to see this on a Friday? I'm posting this just for you cause I'm gonna be camping till late Monday afternoon, and I didn't want you all to wait for this important chapter! See how much I love you all? I do, I really do;)**

**Thanks to Sanguine Taurean, she is my latest marathon reviewer! I loved all of your wonderful comments, and I hope you enjoyed Eclipse! To the rest of you, I see your names when you fav me, and alert me! I love you all!**

**This story is almost over, gasp! What is that you say, almost over? Yep, sad but true. I have about five more chapters or so to go for this gang. But...the good news is that the first few chapters of my next story is already beta'd and waiting for you. For those of you who don't have me on author alert should do so now so you don't miss it!**

**This is a two part chapter, Bella and Edward's, so you will have two playlists!**

**Bella's playlist: Everything(Live in Studio)-Lifehouse, What Makes You Stay-Deana Carter, It Was-Chely Wright, Whataya Want From Me-Adam Lambert, Lift Me Up-Christina Aguilera**

**Edward's playlist:Storm-Lifehouse, Breathing-Lifehouse, Why We Said Goodbye-Tim McGraw, If I Can't Have Your Love-Bon Jovi**

**

* * *

**Find me here, and speak to me  
I want to feel You, I need to hear You  
You are the light that's leading me to the place  
Where I find peace again  
You are the strength that keeps me walking  
You are the hope that keeps me trusting  
You are the light to my soul  
You are my purpose  
You're everything  
And how can I stand here with You  
And not be moved by You  
Would You tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms and You give me rest  
You hold me in Your hands  
You won't let me fall  
You still my heart and You take my breath away  
Would You take me in, take me deeper now  
And how can I stand here with You and not be moved by You  
Would You tell me how could it be any better than this  
And how can I stand here with You and not be moved by You  
Would You tell me how could it be any better than this

Cause You're all I want, You're all I need  
You're everything, everything  
You're all I want  
You're all I need  
You're everything, everything  
You're all I want  
You're all I need  
You're everything, everything  
You're all I want  
You're all I need  
Everything, everything

And how can I stand here with You and not be moved by You  
Would You tell me how could it be any better than this  
And how can I stand here with You and not be moved by You  
Would You tell me how could it be any better-any better than this  
And how can I stand here with You and not be moved by You  
Would You tell me how could it be any better than this  
Would You tell me how could it be any better than this

Lifehouse- Everything

**Chapter 32-Everything**

**Bella POV**

I was thankful that Charlotte was understanding about the whole situation. I think once you live through the pain of not being with your other half, it is a lot easier to be sympathetic. I didn't have time to stand around and ponder Charlotte's concession, I had to pack and get the hell out before I missed my flight. I made a circle in my hotel room, assessing what I had and how much to take back with me tonight and how much to ship back home. I saw my laptop on the bed and heard the chime of a new incoming email. I didn't have time to answer email now, so I closed the laptop and slid it into my messenger bag. I grabbed my clothes, jewelry and shoes. Surprisingly they all fit in the suitcase I had with me. I made a clean sweep of the bathroom and took all of my personal items from there as well. When I finished I didn't have anything left to ship, it was all going home with me tonight. When I left New York City I had nothing to look back on, I was going home!

Within 20 minutes I was ready and in the car on the way to the airport. I sat staring at my phone, trying to decide if I needed to call Alice or Rosalie. I knew that they were both hurt by me walking away without any contact, but I was sure that they would understand why I had to leave that way. Alice and Rose both understood about the hang ups with Edward and our past in high school. They knew about the self doubts that I had. They knew it all and still loved me anyway. I hesitated no longer, I dialed the number for Twilight Originals. I knew that both of them would be at the shop so I decided to start there. Rosalie answered right away.

"Twilight Originals, this is Rosalie." Her voice sounded like the angels singing a chorus of Hallelujah just for me.

"Rose," I sobbed.

"Oh God, Bella. Are you alright? Please tell me where you are, can I get to you?" Alice was panicking in the background; I could hear her shouting at Rose.

"I'm fine; I'm on my way home. I'm sorry I didn't mean to worry you both; I didn't expect to break down when you answered. I'm so sorry that I ran out on the two of you. I just didn't know how to handle what was going on with Edward and me. I was scared that he would use the two of you to get to me so I just cut off contact. I'm so sorry; please tell me that you both forgive me. Please, I think I am about to lose Edward and I can't take it if I lose you both as well. Please."

"Bella, don't be silly. We are not about to lose a friendship over something so trivial. Now, does it hurt that you have not contacted us the whole time you have been gone? Hell yes it does, but honestly I don't know if I would have contacted us either. I'm sorry we ganged up on you like that; we were just trying to keep you from making a big mistake, that's all. So, if you will forgive us then we will forgive you, how does that sound?" I could hear Alice in the background telling Rosalie to tell me that all is forgiven without any questions asked at all.

"Then all is forgiven. I'll be boarding my plane in about forty minutes and with the time differences, I will land at about two in the afternoon. I'll call you when I get to Seattle, but please I don't want Edward to know. I need to think tonight and then I can talk to him tomorrow. All of this happened this afternoon so quick that I don't know exactly what I want to say to him, so I need just one more night to plan it out. I can rent a car and get a hotel room in Seattle, then drive home to Forks tomorrow morning. I promise I just need one more night." I really had not spent any time thinking about what I wanted to say to Edward. I had focused on getting to this point and just get on the plane. Now I needed to shift gears and think about what to do when I see Edward.

Once I was finally on the plane and settled down, I pulled out my notebook and iPod. I wanted solitude while I got my thoughts in order.

Unfortunately the six hour flight didn't help me resolve any of the issues that I wanted to talk about with Edward, it all hinged on what he was thinking or doing. I couldn't make any firm decisions until he told me his side of the story. So I closed my little notebook and just prayed, for the millionth time this week, that I wasn't too late.

I was exhausted by the time I landed in Seattle. My nerves had once again resumed control of my body and I could only hope for a good bed in the hotel. When I made it to the bottom of the escalators I turned left and saw a long line for the rental car kiosks, and when I turned right I saw no one at baggage claim. The decision was easy, baggage claim first and then rental car.

I pulled both of my suitcases off of the conveyor belt; I struggled with the larger one. A large masculine hand reached over me to pull the suitcase free and stand it upright. "May I help you with those?" The accompanying voice asked. I looked right into Carlisle's eyes and sagged with relief. A small part of me really wanted a familiar face here with me. I knew I wasn't ready to see Edward but I did want someone.

"Carlisle, how did you know?" I was stunned.

"A little birdie told me that someone I care very much about would be on this flight and would probably like to have a ride home. So I came down to make sure that person was taken care of. Come on let's get you home." He easily handled both of my suitcases as I followed him to his car.

"I don't think I am ready to go home just yet." I murmured once we both were in the car.

"I'm not ready to take you home just yet either." I glanced over at him, his eyes full of mystery. I simply nodded.

We pulled into a restaurant on the outskirts of Port Angeles. Carlisle easily maneuvered the car into a parking spot and opened his door.

"Come on, Bella, we're getting some dinner, I'm starved." He opened my door for me and I followed him into the restaurant.

We ordered and made small talk until our food arrived. Carlisle ate like he was indeed starved, I merely picked at my plate.

"Bella, I want to talk and I figured this was as good a place as any. Are you okay talking for a while here?"

"Sure, I guess. What are we going to talk about?"

"Bella, I have some information that I think you need. I promised Esme that I would stay out of things but seeing you tonight, I can't abide by that promise. I love you like you are my daughter but you look like hell. You have lost weight and you can't be sleeping. Bella, please, I don't mean to intrude but do you still love Edward?" Carlisle had pushed his plate away and folded his hands on top of the table and waited for me to answer.

"We have a lot to work out, I just…" I stuttered. Carlisle held up his hand and stopped me.

"Bella, I know all of that. Bottom line do you love Edward?"

"Yes." My voice was strong, clear and unhesitant. I was mildly surprised by this fact. Apparently my body knew things that my mind may not have caught on to yet. My mind was still wavering.

"Good, because he loves you more than words can express. He's miserable because it was all a misunderstanding. Tanya and Edward both have been to see me and each has told me the exact same story, and I believe them. Tanya went to see Edward as part of her recovery process, she has to go to those that she has hurt with her abuse and make amends. She is in love and engaged to a great guy, I met him when I sat down with Tanya. She is happy in her life now, and really happy to hear about Edward's happiness. Before all of this that is, she is distraught that she has once again caused him trouble. I know that her pain isn't your fault, and I don't want you to take on any of her guilt. But it could have been handled in a different manner that is for sure. Edward freely admits that he went about things the wrong way but he was hoping that if he told Tanya about the two of you that she would find her closure and leave him alone. So, while it was the wrong thing to do, he did it for you. He was trying to keep you from worrying about her being with him, he has no interest in anyone but you. Please tell me that you can work this out with him. I love you both too much to see either of you in this much pain. You both belong together." Carlisle sat back and waited on my response.

I had to gather my thoughts, I was not expecting this revelation. The only path my crazy mind would take was the running off with Tanya path. I never expected that he would want me more.

"So this whole time I have been off running from what I thought Edward was going to say and he was never going to say it at all? He wanted me all along? Oh my God, Carlisle, I left him for nothing. I have to get home to him. Please can you take me home, NOW?" My mind went numb, I had never been so stupid in all my life.

"Sure let's get your coat on and I will drive you straight there." His voice was soothing, I think he was afraid that I would go into shock or something. I was amazed at my level of stupidity. Good thing Charlie wasn't here to know what I had done, he would be so angry at me. He always believed in hearing things out and making a well informed decision. I guess I let him down as well.

As soon as my ass hit the car seat I pulled my phone out and called Rosalie again.

"Hello," she answered on the first ring.

"Hey Rosalie, it's me. I'm with Carlisle, he picked me up at the airport. We are heading back to the house now, is Edward there?" The whole thing was rushed and I was out of breath. I needed to slow my breathing or I would be going into shock from a lack of oxygen.

"What? How did Carlisle know about your flight tonight, Bella? I swear that I didn't tell him." Rose rushed to defend herself.

"Rose, I know. I think my boss is plotting against me or actually with me now that I know what happened. Is Edward home? I need to see him, please tell me he is home." I begged.

"I guess he is. I haven't been there yet. I was running some errands. I can't get Emmett on the phone, he's been there for about an hour now. Hold on." I heard her pushing buttons and then Emmett's phone ringing through Rose's phone.

"Hey baby, are you on your way home yet?" Emmett answered.

"Almost, listen Bella is on three way and she is on her way home, is Edward there now?"

"What? Bells is on her way home? Woo Hoo!" Emmett shouted and whooped around.

"EMMETT! Shut the hell up she doesn't want Edward to know yet, you dumb ass. Otherwise I would have just called him. God, men are so stupid sometimes. Is he home, Emmett? Please answer quietly this time!" Rosalie's hard as steel tone must have convinced Emmett that she was serious because he whispered his response.

"Yes, he's home. He's in bed right now, has been since I got home. He won't come out. Jasper and I tried to get him to go with us and watch a game at the pool hall but he wouldn't. Sorry Bells, glad you're coming home."

I couldn't help but chuckle at Emmett, he was such a large child. "Glad I'm coming home also, Emmett, thanks."

"Emmett, keep him there in bed until I get there. I will text you when I am about ten minutes away and you can leave then. I really want to see Edward alone, please."

"You got it Bellarina, anything for you. You are going to make him happy again, right? Not… break his heart. I don't think he could take that right now. I mean it." Emmett's voice took on a mature tone, all the humor missing, almost causing his voice to sound like it didn't belong to him.

"I'm going to grovel at his feet and beg him to take me back, and pray that he will. Do you think that will make him happy?"

"You bet it will, now hurry your ass home! And Bella, I'm sorry, you know about before. We treated you wrong and we shouldn't have ganged up on you. We just didn't want you to make a big mistake, that's all, I promise." I took pity on him, he really was trying to keep me from making a mistake and I was angry at him for it.

"Emmett, I owe you an apology not the other way around. You were only trying to keep me safe and I disregarded everything that I knew because my brain went off on it's own tangent of self doubt! I'm sorry that I didn't listen and save all of us some trouble and worry. It's all forgiven on my end, I promise."

"And it's all forgiven on my end as well! I'm glad you're home."

Rosalie had sat silent this whole time allowing us to make amends with each other. "Rose can you call Alice and tell her what we are doing and would it be possible for you all to stay somewhere else tonight? I know that is a lot to ask but please."

"Are you kidding me? I wouldn't set foot within a forty mile radius of that house tonight. Yeah, we will stay with Carlisle and Esme tonight. Emmett, pack some clothes for yourself. Tell Jasper to do the same and I will come by and pick you two up in a few. Bella, don't you worry we will stay clear till you call us tomorrow."

"We are about fifteen minutes away now so Em, go ahead and get ready to leave. Thanks to all of you, I love you so much for this, and for allowing me another chance. I won't ever be able to repay any of you!"

We hung up and Carlisle helped me get my suitcases quietly up on to the porch, Emmett and Jasper met me at the door and pulled them inside for me. We all exchanged hugs and they left. I slowly made my way up the stairs. My heart began to pound so loud I could hear it in my ears. I said one more small prayer and walked into the door of my room. The sob ripped from my chest as I saw him lying on my bed, he looked so lost and hurt. I whispered his name in my mind and he turned to look at me. I waited on him to call to me, I needed him to make the first move, I know that was so childish but I needed to know that he still wanted me as Carlisle said.

How long have I been in this storm  
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form  
Water's getting harder to tread  
With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see you  
Everything would be alright  
If I'd see you  
This darkness would turn to light

And I would walk on water  
And you will catch me if I fall  
And I will get lost into your eyes  
I know everything will be alright  
I know everything is alright

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown  
So why am I ten feet under and upside down  
Barely surviving has become my purpose  
Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you  
Everything would be alright  
If I'd see you  
This darkness would turn to light

And I would walk on water  
And you will catch me if I fall  
And I will get lost into your eyes  
I know everything will be alright

And I would walk on water  
And you will catch me if I fall  
And I would get lost into your eyes  
I know everything will be alright  
And everything is alright

Everything's alright  
Everything's alright

Lifehouse- Storm

**Chapter Storm**

**Edward's POV**

I wasn't sure how long I had been in bed, her bed. I didn't know what day it was, only that I didn't have to be at the hospital today. That was the only thing that I knew for sure. I knew this because on the days I had to be at the hospital several members of my family, if not all of them, came in and woke me. Gently prodding me to get up and live life. Why they thought they needed to treat me like a damn baby, I had no idea. It was normal for people to go into shock and stay in bed for days at a time after a trauma. I should fucking know, I had read all about it and knew that I was not in any danger. Unless, of course the pain in my chest really was a heart attack, I'm pretty sure that it is just from the anxiety. She took my heart with her when she left, so there was no way I could have a heart attack in a heart that was no longer there.

I was sure that Emmett was biting his tongue and resisting the urge to call me a pussy. And who could blame him, I was a pussy. I couldn't function without her; she left and took everything from me. I gave it all to her and she took it with her when she left. Why exactly had I allowed her to leave? Oh yeah, because I thought she would see reason and come back when she calmed down. I just knew she would see my point and allow me to explain and make things right. She had to trust me and love me enough to allow me those two simple things. She said it over and over again, the love word. She said the word, were they just words to her? They weren't just words to me, they gave her power, they gave her my devotion, and they gave her everything. I had nothing left for me to exist on now that she was gone with everything that I had to give. I couldn't even function without her. She at least could get through her day and live her life while I was gone. I, however, was laying here in bed and crying… again. I needed her and I needed her to need me.

I shifted onto my back and stared up into space. If I closed my eyes and laid real still I could still smell her. I could see her face on the back of my eyelids. I could remember the times that I held her, kissed her, made love to her. I wanted to hold her again, feel her soft skin under my fingertips, and see her breathtaking smile. The smile she gave me as she was coming back down to earth after her climax. I wanted to soothe her worry and make her understand that I never, not for one second, doubted us or her. I loved her more now than I could ever think possible. I wanted her more now than ever before. I had to have her back with me.

My chest constricted just thinking of her somewhere, all alone, going through the pain alone. She didn't have me, Alice, Rosalie, Esme, Jacob. No one. She was alone. I knew she was strong, but I wasn't sure she was strong enough to make it without anyone to help her. The thought of her alone scared the shit out of me. I sat up faster than I thought possible and reached for the phone. I had to call Esme again and beg Esme to call Bella. Beg her to make sure that Bella was okay. I just had to know, if she is fine then I could be okay. But the not knowing was fucking with my mind.

The phone rang, rang again, it rang a third time. Then her sweet voice filled my ears.

"Hey Edward. How are you?" She pretended for me that things were completely normal. She didn't fool me, I could hear the faint tension in her voice, worry for me. I scoffed at that thought right away. I was fine; I would be fine as long as I could know that she was fine.

"Esme, please." That was all I could get out before the despair swept through me. Almost three weeks, almost three fucking weeks and she wasn't back yet. I had to know for Christ's sake.

"Edward, we have already talked about this. I know you are in pain and hurting. I understand all of that, it was a complete misunderstanding but I can't call her. I promised Be…"

"No!" I shouted. "Don't say her name, don't. I can't hear it yet. I don't want to think it, say it, or hear it. Not until I can look in her eyes and see her beautiful face. I just can't hear it, not yet. Please." I pleaded. I knew that my rant made me sound like a stark raving lunatic. Carlisle should have called Dr. Ward and anyone else that he knew to have me carted off. I think he was in fact, close to doing exactly that. I had a small suspicion that Esme was one of the reasons that he hadn't already done it. I think they were all hoping that she would walk right back in the front door and we would both be fine again. I begged and pleaded for that exact thing myself.

"Fine, Edward. I won't say her name, but that doesn't change my promise to her. I promised that I would give her time and I'm keeping that promise to her. She needs this time to come to grips with what is going on in her head. She has to be able to process this for herself."

"But, she doesn't know all of the facts. How the hell can she come to grips with this herself if she is working with the wrong facts? She's setting herself up for so much pain needlessly. Please help me spare her that pain. It's the least I can do for her. I can't let her suffer because of me anymore. Don't you think that she deserves to know the truth?"

"Edward, I think you're not giving her enough credit. She isn't an idiot, she can decide for her herself what she feels. She'll see that all is not what it seems, and she'll come back to you. You two have been through so much already for her to just give up and accept things as they are. She just needs to decide that she wants to fight for you. That's all."

"That's all, that's all? You have got to be kidding me! She doesn't need to fight, she needs to be told the truth. She needs to be able to understand and rest easy again. My God, how much does she need to go through before you all will allow her to be weak for a few minutes and help her? She's strong, I know, but she can also need help without it making her weak. She has no one Esme, no one. She needs someone to be on her side and help her. Tell her the truth and then let her decide. If she decides that she's had enough and doesn't want to come home then fine. I'll live with that. But I can't rest until she knows that I didn't betray her or her love. I can't stand knowing that she might be hurting because of me. Please tell me you will at least tell her that there are more facts that she needs to know before she makes her decision? Please, do that for me. That isn't breaking your promise, it isn't. She would want to know." The tears were falling in streams down my face. My heart was begging Esme to help me.

"I'll call her, Edward. I promise. I need to check on her anyway. It has been a few days since I have heard, so I'll use that as my excuse and then I'll try to slip in a few details that she needs to know."

"A few days, you haven't spoken to her in a few days? You know how accident prone she is, what if she's hurt herself? How do we know that she's even okay?" My mind was racing through all of the possibilities of what could have happened to her in the time since Esme had spoken with her.

"Edward, get a grip. She is a grown adult, she's fine. If she had gotten hurt we would have gotten a call. She has her emergency numbers in her wallet and they would have called us. Don't allow blind panic to drive you insane. She doesn't need to come home to this. She needs to see that you trusted her enough and loved her enough to wait for her. So get your ass out of bed and clean yourself up. Now! I will not call her until you do that much. Damn, when did you become such a pussy?"

Shock registered in my brain. Did Esme just use the word pussy? Did she just call me a pussy?

"I…uh…what did you just say? How much have you been hanging out with Emmett?"

"I'm sorry I know that isn't my usual vocabulary, but damn it, Edward. Something needs to wake you up. While you were gone to Seattle, she waited for you. She lived her life, she wanted you to be proud of her. She made an effort. You are not! You are wallowing, the only place you go is to the hospital and home. I know you don't get out of bed unless you're going into the hospital. That is wallowing. Now, get up and make her proud of you when she comes home." The pain and sadness were closer to the surface in Esme's voice after her rant. She was right and I knew it. But how the hell was I supposed to go on with life when I wasn't sure if she was even coming home. She knew I would be back, I didn't.

"Okay, I'm heading to the shower now. I promise, just please make the call. Please."

"I'll call her the minute we hang up, I promise." Her tone softened.

"Thank you, this means more than you'll ever know." I have never meant anything more than I did that statement.

"I know Edward, I know. I'll call you later to check on you and let you know if I know anything. I love you."

"I love you too." I disconnected the call and sat up on the side of the bed. I stepped into the shower and turned on the water.

I felt much better after my shower. My head was a little clearer. I was ready to make an effort. I went downstairs and ate something. I cleaned up after myself. I read part of a chapter in the new book she bought me before she left. I wandered around the house. I ended up back in her bed, waiting to hear from Esme.

I heard a car come down the driveway. I didn't look to see who it was, I knew who it was. I would bet my bank account that it was either Jasper or Emmett. Esme probably called them to come and knock some sense into me. Or at least sit with me and make sure that I'm safe to leave alone without causing any harm to myself. I heard the door slam open. I laid in bed, waiting. They could come to me. They were really going overboard, why couldn't they do that for her? I didn't need it, she did. I heard the footsteps coming up the stairs. I was wrong, it couldn't be Jasper or Emmett, the footsteps were too light. I heard the sobbing as someone stopped in the doorway. I glanced up wanting to tell them to stop worrying when I smelled her.

Bella, she was here. I sat up and took her in. Her hair hung limp down around her shoulders, her face was red and puffy and she looked as though she had lost about 10 pounds.

"Bella…" She simply stood and looked at me. Her face was so sad. I had to touch her in some way, even if it was small. I held my hand out hesitantly, she took it. Gently I pulled her to the bed to sit beside me. I tightened my grip on her hand a bit, afraid she'd disappear if I let her go. She seemed just as afraid of where things stood as I did. We had put ourselves into a position that neither of us felt comfortable. It's hard to have a leg to stand and fight on when you don't know if you even have a leg under you. I had to make her understand that nothing had changed for me, and I needed her to know the truth. I couldn't take the uncertainty in her eyes. It killed me to see her so devastated and know that I was the cause.

I tried to get her attention, but she wouldn't really meet my eyes, just small glimpses for a fraction of a second, before she would again focus on the floor. Surely she must know that I'm not angry at her, that the fault lies with me. I should have done things differently. Taking a deep breath and lifting her chin to so I could see her face as I spoke to her, I said, "Angel, I'm so sorry. Please tell me you understand and forgive me. I can't live without you. I can't, I know that now. I promise Bella, she only came to tell me she was sorry as part of her recovery. She means nothing to me. You…you mean everything. You're my whole world Bella. Please, Angel, please stay with me. I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I'll never do it again, I'll spend the rest of my life making this up to you, I promise." Her chest shook with sobs as she leaned in towards me. I held her as tightly as I could without hurting her and let her cry. I would wait for her to tell me what to do for her. I could be patient for her. She was worth it.

"Edward, you didn't do this, I did. I shouldn't have let my past fears and worries come between us. I didn't give you any respect or trust when I just screamed at you and then walked out. I just ran without even giving you a chance to explain. That was so childish of me and for that, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I was just so sure that you wanted her and I couldn't take hearing that from you. I knew that I wouldn't survive hearing that you wanted her and not me. So I thought I had to get out before you could do that. I should have at least listened and not jumped to conclusions. I have trust issues, I know that I do but I promise to work on them with you and never jump to conclusions ever again." Her sobs had subsided but her voice was still shaky. Her hands were trembling as she clutched the back of my shirt in a death grip.

"We've both made mistakes as long as we learn from them then we'll be stronger because of it. Tell me that we can learn from this. Please. I have to have you with me. I love you, Bella. I can't live without you."

"Oh, Edward, I love you too. We can get past this. I know we can, we have to because I can't live without you either. That is one thing this week has shown me as well. I'm sorry it took me so long, I was afraid to leave Charlotte without help. And…" her voice was so timid as she admitted her painful mistakes, "I was afraid to face you. The more time that went by the more scared I became that you would not be able to forgive me. I got your emails so I knew that you still loved me but that doesn't mean that you could forgive me and pick up where we left off with our relationship. I'm sorry that I was weak and didn't fight for you! You'll never know how sorry I am." Her sobs came back as she poured out her heart to me.

I pulled her to me and laid us down face to face on the bed. Bella snuggled in and cried against my chest. I could feel the emotion drain out of her as her tears slipped down her face. Soon she was leaning so heavily against me that I assumed she was asleep. I didn't let her go, I couldn't let her go. I spent weeks begging for her to show up I couldn't just let her slide over to the other side and slip off to sleep. I wanted her in my arms, I needed to know she was real.

Just as my eyes started to close Bella whispered to me, "Thanks for loving me, you're doing it perfectly. Please don't give up, I'm working it out, I promise. I just need time to sort things out."

"We, baby, we need time to sort things out. There is no me and no you, it's us from now on."

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**E/N: So? What did you think? I want to come home and find my inbox full of reviews! I wanted you all to have the yumminess of both sides of the reconciliation, I hope I did you proud! Let me know what you think:)**


	33. Chapter 33 Because You Love Me

**A/N: Once again we met up here for a little fun! At least I hope it's fun for you, lol! **

**I have to say a farewell to my dear Sonja:( She is leaving England and moving back stateside to be with us but during this move she won't be able to focus on me and this story. I don't blame her at all, I can't focus on walking and talking at the same time most days. But anyhoo-she has helped me so much and I really appreciate her and hope one day when she's settled that she will once again be my partner in crime! **

**Now with Sonja gone my dearest Eternally Addicted has stepped in and beta'd this chapter and all future chapters for me. Any mistakes that are left are purely my fault and not hers, I swear! EA's The Game That Changed It All posted it's epilogue today and I am all kinds of emo about that, I will miss Baseballward so much. If you haven't read it yet you should. The link is in my fav's, go check it out. You will love him too;)**

**Playlist: Because You Love Me (Live~Acoustic)-JoDee Messina, Livin' On A Prayer-Bon Jovi, You Save Me- Kenny Chesney, The Hard Way-Keith Urban, Everybody-Keith Urban, When You Say You Love Me-Josh Groban

* * *

**I don't know how I survive in this cold and empty world for all this time

I only know that I'm alive because you love me

When I recall what I've been through there's something that I wish I didn't do

Now I do the things I do because you love me

And now that you're in my life, I'm so glad I'm alive

'Cause you've shown me the way and I know now how good it can be

Because you love me

And now that you're in my life, I'm so glad I'm alive

'Cause you've shown me the way and I know now how good it can be

Because you love me

I believe in things unseen, I believe in the message of a dream

And I believe in what you are because you love me

With all my heart and all my soul, I'm loving you and I never will let go

And every day I'll let it show because you love me

Because you love me, Because you love me

JoDee Messina-Because You Love Me

**Chapter 33-Because You Love Me**

**Bella's POV**

I woke up to Edward's arms wrapped around my chest, holding me tightly against him, his head buried deep in my hair. The feeling of his body touching mine, from our shoulders all the way to our toes was bliss. I hadn't bothered to change out of my clothes when Edward took me in his arms and laid us down. There wasn't time to waste on something as simple as that; besides it would have meant pulling away from the feel of Edward's arms around me and that was something I just didn't want to think about yet. The jeans however, they were the most uncomfortable thing in the world to sleep in and I wanted to be rid of the restrictive burden they placed on my ability to move. I untangled my arms from around Edward very carefully, and slipped the button open on my jeans. Wiggling my legs and my hips, I slid the jeans down as far as I could reach with my hands and pushed and pulled with my feet until they were completely off. Then I kicked them off of the bed. Pressing myself back against his slumbering form, I could really feel the heat that Edward's body was giving off now that the barrier of my clothes were now gone. It felt delicious and I wanted to stay here forever.

No sooner than my body settled back against Edward's he let out a small chuckle. "Why didn't you just tell me that you wanted to get naked? Believe me; I would've been more than happily to comply with that request." His breath tickled across the sensitive skin on my neck, causing me to shiver against him.

Before I could even respond Alice burst through the door, then skidded to a sudden stop when she saw that we were awake.

"Hey, sorry. I thought you two would still be asleep." She suddenly looked very torn about her entrance.

"It's okay, you can come in. We're awake. What's got you running in here at break neck speed?" Edward chuckled as he sat up against the headboard.

"First, I bring a peace offering." She held up a plate of doughnut holes and held two mugs of coffee.

"Holy shit! Are these Rosalie's homemade doughnut holes?" Edward exclaimed. He was like a kid on Christmas morning. His eyes were huge and his hands smacking together with glee.

Alice handed Edward the plate as she nodded. Before I could even make out the movements he had two popped into his mouth and was moaning the most sinful sound on earth. Alice and I both laughed at his exuberance over some simple doughnut holes.

"Second," Alice stated as she stole a doughnut hole form the plate Edward held tightly in his grasp. Once she was done with it she continued, "Carlisle called and he wants everyone to come camping. He's calling a family meeting and you know how hard it is to get away from those." She shrugged. I glanced in Edward's direction to try and get a read on his thoughts about the family meeting. As my eyes met Edward's eyes a wave of concern flooded through me, when I saw a hint of the same emotion reflected in his. I hoped that this didn't have anything to do with me being back. He didn't mention it last night when we spoke but then again after I heard the full story I didn't give him much time to talk about anything else.

"Bella, Carlisle said for you to call him. He wants to talk to you before you come over." Alice stood, and then danced backwards to the door before pausing to ask, "Do you need me to pack for you?"

"Nah, I'm good. It's just a few days in the woods; I think I can pack that much by myself." I laughed, trying to beat down the nerves at the thought of speaking with Carlisle.

"Well then, get your asses moving! Jasper and Emmett left about a half an hour ago to help Carlisle pack up all the tents and equipment". Turning to direct her next statement at Edward, she said, They took your tent with them. I hope that was okay?"

He nodded, before saying, "Yeah, that's great. Should I head on over or wait for you guys to get ready?"

"Nah, you stay with us. We need a chaperon, who knows what kind of trouble we three can get into without you here!" She squealed as she danced out of the room.

I was in total shock. I assumed that Edward would be kicked out as soon as possible so that they could get details on how our talk had gone last night. I didn't know how to wrap my mind around this change, drastic change, in Alice. My mouth must have been hanging open because Edward pushed it closed with his finger as he slid out of bed. "Imagine that your whole life! Get a move on. You don't want her to come back in here for us. She can turn feral in a quick minute!"

Edward closed the bathroom door and I realized that our quite time was gone.

"Wait, Edward, why did Alice say that the guys had taken your tent with them?" I asked, as I made my way to the bathroom door.

_Maybe quite time could continue tonight._

The door opened and a cloud of steam escaped into the bedroom. Once he saw me standing there through the shower glass of the shower door, he answered my question, "We always stay in different tents. Carlisle learned his lesson quite a few years ago. Emmett and Rosalie got into a huge fight and we all suffered because of it that trip. So, as soon as we hit town again, Carlisle rushed right to Newton's with us and we all purchased a separate tent to stay in from there on out. No more problems, we all come home happier!" His hand shot up and made a few passes through is hair, a clear sign that he was nervous, and after a few moments where he appeared to be deep in thought he continued on with his shower.

It was nice in a strange way to see him unsure of himself. For so long his unflappable confidence has caused more of my self-doubt to open up. It was nice to know that I wasn't the only one to feel the uncertainty of certain situations.

Edward cleared his throat, as he stepped out of the shower and began to dry off. I hung my head and gazed at the floor in an effort to not stare at his glistening wet and naked body. When he spoke his voice was deeper, slightly shaky and maybe a little scared even. "Will you be staying in my tent with me? I mean you don't have to but I would like it if you did. I have an extra air mattress if you'd like. "

"Do you want me to stay with you?" I asked hesitantly. The scared little girl closed in on me, his reassurances last night helped but rejection was still a major fear of mine.

"Bella, I always want you with me. Never doubt that, ever. You are my life now." He moved closer to me and pulled me in against him as he wrapped his arms around me.

Relief swept through me to hear his assurance of his feelings. "Then I would love to stay with you." My joy masked by the fact that my face was squished against his bare chest.

"Okay then, let's get this show on the road." He said as he placed a quick kiss on my cheek and then left the door open to the bathroom as he walked past me back into the bedroom.

Clad in only his low hanging jeans, he went to brush his teeth. As he did, I grabbed my phone and called Carlisle while I had a few minutes of privacy. I wasn't sure what he would want to know and I didn't want to have to excuse myself to answer him.

Carlisle answered in mid-sentence to someone. "Don't pack that there, put the coolers on next then the chairs. Yes I'm sure I want it that way." I could hear shouting in the background, obviously Emmett. "Ugh, Emmett! Just do it that way I want. Please." Carlisle drew in a deep breath, and then responded to me. "Hey Bella. Sorry, sometimes he really is just a big overgrown eight year old." His chuckle belied the aggravation in his voice. "How are you today?"

"Better, much better. We didn't solve everything or even talk all that much but we know what we need to talk about now at least so that's progress. Right?" My thumb slipped up to my teeth and I found myself biting down on the sore spot I had taken to nervously biting over the last few weeks.

"That's definitely some progress. Hell, the two of you being in the same room is progress." Guilt over my leaving without an explanation certainly wasn't the emotion that Carlisle was trying to push onto me, I was sure of that. But that was the only emotion that would surface with his sentence. "Bella? What's done is done, don't allow the past to effect the future." My silence must have been telling him enough to know where my thoughts had drifted off to.

"I'm trying." My sad voice replied.

"I wanted to talk to you about camping. I really would like for you and Edward to go with us but I certainly understand if you don't want to. The whole family would in fact understand. So, I'm leaving it up to you both."

"I think it would be better for both of us if we came. I know it would be nice to be a part of the group again. The last few weeks of solitude have not been fun. The whole time I was gone, I just kept thinking about wanting to be back here with all of you. I'm not turning down the opportunity; it is exactly what I asked for. Besides, Edward has asked me to share his tent, how could I turn down such sweet accommodations?"

"If only Alice and Rosalie were so easy to please!" His full laugh was comforting to hear. "I'm glad, and I guess I'll see you in a little while then."

Edward came out of the bathroom, his jeans hanging even lower than when he had gone in and his warm scent wafting behind him. It caused my head to be fogged over by it, and any response to Carlisle went right out the window.

"Hey, is that Carlisle?" I could only nod at him. He reached for the phone and I passed it off to him, still staring at the stray drops of water that he missed when he dried off.

"I'm driving the girls over but I think I'll have a little room left over, do you need me to bring anything else?"

Carlisle's response resembled Charlie Brown's teacher when it filtered through the phone.

"Well then we'll be on our way shortly." Edward flipped the phone closed and dropped it on the bed. He grabbed a shirt that lay across the chair and began to pull it on. I watched as he pulled the tight knit shirt down over his abs and knew that I had better distract myself or else we might not be leaving the room, at all!

I pulled the bag that I brought with me from the airport and dumped it on the bed. My work clothes that I had packed would not work for the woods. I opened several drawers and pulled out some jeans and t-shirts.

"How long are we staying?" I asked, unsure of how much to pack. I knew I had at least a week before Charlotte was back in town but I didn't know about anyone else's schedule? I didn't hear Edward's response so I turned to look at him, but was stopped in my tracks by the sight of him bent over as he laced up his brown boots and tied them quickly.

"Don't know, Carlisle didn't say."

I opened the door to the bedroom and yelled for Alice. "How long are we staying Alice?"

"Two days!" Was her simple answer yelled from somewhere downstairs.

"Two days." I said to Edward. He nodded.

"Do you have a small duffle bag that I can put my stuff in? All I have are larger suitcases and I don't need anything that large for two days." I laughed lightly before I went on to say, "I'm sure Alice would beg to differ about that though."

"I have one, but you'll have to share it with me." I suddenly felt him standing behind me and his hand as it rubbed across my stomach as he flipped up the layers of the shirt I still wore from yesterday. Warm fingers seared my skin where his hand met my bare skin. Edward was slowly melting me into an unuseable mess. His gentle, carefully placed touches showed his willingness to mend our relationship. I just wasn't sure if that would happen before I spontaneously combusted!

"Sure, you go grab your stuff and I'll shower now." I needed distance.

I laid out enough for two days, a bathing suit and a book to read. I rushed through my shower and slid into my clothes. I needed the extra layer of protection between Edward and me.

Satisfied with my appearance, I gathered my basic toiletries and left the bathroom. Edward had placed all of my clothes into his bag so I put my overnight bag in on top. Edward dropped in his iPod and zipped it close.

"Ready?" He asked, his face showing his excitement.

"As I'll ever be." I took his outstretched hand and we left the room.

When we arrived at Carlisle and Esme's all we had to do was add our luggage to the back of the Suburban. Everything else was packed neatly on a trailer that would be towed behind.

The atmosphere in the car was uplifting; everyone seemed to be geared up for a fun weekend. Carlisle drove and Jasper was riding shotgun. All of us girls were piled into the back seat discussing all the places I had been while I was away. Even talking about the depressing time I spent alone couldn't diminish the joy radiating off of everyone. Alice lamented about all the wasted shopping opportunities, causing me to promise that the next time I would partake of my trip more wisely.

Emmett and Edward were discussing sports and the chances each team had to make it to their respective playoffs.

"Hey, I love this song, turn it up Jazz!" Emmett shouted as Jasper cranked up the radio. Some people just got better with age, and I'd have to say that Jon Bon Jovi is one of those people. The boys immediately went to full on air guitar mode while singing along. Even Carlisle was bobbing his head and joining in on singing, thankfully his hands stayed on the wheel. Eventually we all gave in and were singing Livin' on a Prayer at the top of our lungs.

Edward turned to me, grabbed my hand and mouthed the words to me.

**We gotta hold on to what we got,**

**Doesn't make a difference if we make it or not,**

**We got each other and that's a lot for love.**

**We'll give it a shot!**

**We gotta hold on ready or not,**

**You live for the fight when that's all that you got.**

**Whoa, We're half way there,**

**Whoa, Livin' on a prayer**

**Take my hand and we'll make it I swear**

**Whoa, Livin' on a prayer**

**Whoa, We're half way there,**

**Whoa, Livin' on a prayer**

**Take my hand and we'll make it I swear**

He squeezed my hand and somehow I knew that Jon was right, we were going to make it. Peace settled around my heart. In that moment I realized that I had been just going through the motions of the day up until now. With that realization, I felt everything else slip away and peace take over.

"Can we talk tonight?" I whispered to Edward.

"Sure, baby, anything you want." He replied giving my hand a light squeeze.

The Cullens were seasoned campers, so the campsite went up in no time. The boys played Rock, Paper, Scissors for the choice of where to put up all four tents. Edward won so we got the spot closest to the river, it was beautiful. Edward positioned the tent so that the large window on the side of the tent would look out over the river when we laid down to sleep. I opened the double sleeping bag and laid it out over the air mattress while Edward staked the tent down. When we were finished, we helped get lunch cooked. Emmett commanded the grill and made us some delicious hamburgers. Everything felt like home-safe, normal, and comfortable.

I tried several times to plan out what I wanted to say to Edward throughout the day, but I never came to a full decision. I knew that I wanted to be honest and not leave anything out but that was my only decision. Needless to say that when bedtime rolled around I was nervous.

Edward and I changed for bed and slid into the sleeping bag together. His next words to me that he must have sensed the dread that I was feeling about the conversation we were about to have.

"Bella, don't. It's just us; don't make this talk bigger than it is. Would it make you feel better and more comfortable if I start?" I nodded at him. I snuggled my back against his chest, and stared out the window to the river. I figured that it would be easier to admit some of these things if I didn't have to look at him.

"I'm sorry that I didn't call you and tell you that Tanya wanted to meet with me. I know it looks like I didn't trust you but that isn't the case at all. I really just didn't want to worry you. I was riding the high of finally being back with you in Forks and I didn't want to ruin it in anyway."

I took a deep breath and responded to his statement, "That would have made a tremendous difference in how I reacted. However, I can honestly say that if you had called me and told me I still would have been a nervous wreck all day thinking about it. So, I guess either way it was a no win situation. I do realize now that I should have given you the opportunity to explain before I just assumed. I'm sorry that I didn't. I was just too afraid that you would tell me that you were going back to Tanya. I couldn't see past my fear of losing you."

"Bella, do you not realize how much you mean to me? I could never go back to Tanya or anyone else for that matter, you are it for me. I love you more than words can adequately express. I can understand how it must have looked when you saw me with Tanya, but what I don't understand is where does this fear come from? Have I done something that has caused this? For you to feel insecure in our relationship and doubt my love for you? " He snuggled closer to me and wrapped his arms completely around my chest. I felt safe, which it made it easier to spill the beginning of my fear.

"It's not exactly something you did. It's more of how you have always been, how you've acted. I just watched you for years while I secretly loved you for all that time and had to watch you parade around school with other girls. I watched them all hang on your every word, all of them so pretty and girlie. You seemed to like that and I knew I was nothing like that. I felt so inadequate compared to them. Finally, I felt a small piece of hope the summer before you and Tanya started dating when, I went with you and your family on vacation that year. We had just left the water park and you threw your arm around my shoulder and we walked to the car together. All I had on was my bikini that Alice talked me into and you told me how pretty it was. It melted my heart and I began to hope. Then a few weeks later school started and you and Tanya became a couple almost right away." As I spilled my heart out to him and relived those memories from the past, I could almost smell the coconut oil he used that day at the water park. I wanted to turn and just kiss him that day but I chickened out. I couldn't do it.

"Bella, I had no idea. I feel so stupid now." His voice was so full of sadness and defeat.

"Edward, you had no idea, it's not your fault. We can't change the past, it is what it is. It just hurt to know that you had what you deserved even if it was not me. I just wanted you to be happy and I was happy for you on the outside, but inside it still hurt." I shrugged, not exactly sure how to express the weird mix of happy and sad that I felt when I thought of Edward back then.

"That's the problem Bella. I did care for you but all of the sudden you kept your distance and I didn't know what to do about that. So, I kept mine and thought I had misunderstood you. When Tanya asked me out I said yes. We showed up together to the lunch room that first time your face only showed happiness so I thought I had done the right thing. I wanted you so bad that summer. I almost made myself kiss you. You were so beautiful in that pink bikini."

He rolled me over and pulled my face up so that I was face to face with him. His beautiful eyes held the truth, I didn't even consider questioning him. "I still have a picture that Emmett took of the two of us that day; I carry it in my wallet. It's always been kept hidden just so Tanya would never find it but I still carry it. God, Bella, we're both so stupid!" His laugh was full of regret and sorrow but it didn't sound sad somehow.

We both laid in silence for a while, I was processing our revelations. Edward had liked me all along, as much as I wanted it to be true, it didn't register that he could ever feel that way about me then.

"I guess I didn't know as much back then as I thought I did."

"What do you mean Bella?"

"Well, I talked to my mom and she told me I had it all wrong about her and my dad. I assumed that Charlie never remarried because he was so heartbroken over my mom leaving. My mom said that they spoke about it years later and Charlie told her that he was happy with his life. He didn't see the sense in forcing a relationship that would only fall apart again. He was waiting for 'the one' to come along, but in the booming town of Forks didn't offer up much selection. Charlie being Charlie, made the best out of what he had, and just enjoyed his life." My voice choked up when I spoke of my Dad; even after all of this time. Edward rubbed his hands up and down my arms. The simple gesture was so soothing.

"I know from his letter to me that he always wanted love again but he never shut himself off from it like I thought he did. It just never happened for him. Mom thinks that he and Sue Clearwater probably would have made a go of it, if he hadn't been killed so suddenly. I think I might want to talk to Sue and see what I can learn from her. It's nice knowing that he wasn't miserable without love nor was he too broken up after my mom left to try again."

"So, I guess Carlisle's point of communication can be taken and applied by each of us. I know I'm guilty of assuming you know what I mean, when in fact you may not. I promise to be better at talking things out with you. I have held everything in for so long that it's second nature to me. But for once in my life I really do want to share things with you Bella. I also have seen that it's easier than I thought it would be. I felt so much lighter when I was getting everything off my chest with Dr. Ward. And you, you can't allow these emotions to run away with you. Come to me and let's talk about them. Let me tell you exactly what I feel or think instead of going on assumptions."

"I will, I promise."

"Good now let's get some sleep, I don't know about you but I haven't slept well for the last few weeks and I need to catch up."

"Yeah, I know that feeling as well."

As I laid still in Edward's arms, I felt him relax against me. His soft snores giving me notice that he had fallen asleep. I couldn't shut off my brain. I kept replaying my life over and over in my head. I tried to recall every memory to see if there was anything else that I had misinterpreted.

When Edward shifted his body beside me I took the opportunity to move his arms off of me and slid off the side of the air mattress. I stepped into my sandals and walked down to the river.

The night was perfect; there was no moon so you could see all the stars. The sky was littered with them, each one sparkled and glowed. I reclined against the cool grass and stared up at them. I remembered the night that Charlie sat outside with me all night so I could identify the different star formations for school. We talked all night long. It was nice, Charlie was a great father.

"Hey what are you doing out here?" Edward's sleepy voice asked.

"Couldn't sleep and I didn't want to wake you. Sorry, I guess I didn't do a good job with that did I?"

"You okay?" Edward ran his thumb across my cheek and wiped off some tears that I hadn't even realized had fallen.

"Yeah, just looking at the stars and remembering the night Charlie and I stayed out all night long looking at the stars for that assignment we had for school. It was a good memory; I didn't even realize that I was crying. I guess I'm just emotional. You can go back in if you want, I'll only be a few minutes longer. I just want to put my feet in the river for a few minutes."

"Nah, I'll stay with you. I can't sleep without you anyway. Scoot closer and we can put our feet in right here."

"Okay."

We scooted closer to the edge and dropped our feet into the water. Edward dropped his head down on my shoulder and kissed my neck. "Is this okay?" He asked as his mouth and nose skimmed back and forth across my shoulder.

"Yeah, it's perfect."

"You don't know how many times I begged for the opportunity to hold you like this again, Bella. I was so afraid that I had lost you. I love (d) you so much and it killed me to watch you walk away, not knowing if I would ever get the chance to show you how much I loved you again." I felt his chest shake against me.

I turned in his arms. "Show me now; show me how much you love me, please." I kissed his lips with every ounce of emotion that I had inside. It was a heady combination of love, desire, and passion all rolled into one big ball. It set my body on fire.

Edward's groan from our kiss spilled into my mouth. I sucked every drop of it up and wanted more. His hands ghosted across my breasts on their way down to my waist. I couldn't help but push into him and hope that he would touch me with more force. I needed to feel him against me. I slid my hands under his shirt and ran them up the hard muscles that lined his back. I tried to push closer to him and my foot slid on the bank of the river and I ended up farther away from Edward. I was scrambling the few feet back to Edward when he gave up and scooted down to the bank to me.

I put my hands back under his shirt, loving how the warmth of his body was so soothing to feel under my fingers. I couldn't move without sliding further down the bank so I allowed Edward to dictate our movements.

He pulled me closer and closer to his body. He seemed almost hesitant to push beyond what we were doing at the moment.

I pulled away from him, trying to find the reason in his eyes. Not finding anything that gave me a real clue, I decided to just ask. "What's wrong?"

"I just don't want you to get the wrong idea, that's all. I love you so much and have made such a mess that I want to do this right from here on out." His right hand stayed in my shirt while his left drifted up to run through his hair. I knew that I needed to get him out of his own head and just go with it instead of thinking about it so much.

"There is no wrong idea here. Do you love me?" He nodded so I continued. "Well, I love you and want to feel you hold me and make love to me. I know what we have is real and I want to feel it, please. Love me Edward." I dropped my voice down to a whisper.

"Come here, baby." He pulled me closer as we slid the rest of the way down the bank and into the edge of the water. I could feel the tepid water seeping into the back of my shorts.

Edward grunted and stood up with me in his arms. We walked down into the water. He stopped when the water was chest deep on him. I realized that with Edward's height that I was way in over my head. I hung on to Edward and pressed my body closer to him.

Our kisses were rushed and heated. We were trying to reconnect with each other, to grasp at what we once had and make it possible again. It all felt rushed but at the same time it felt right and was exactly what we needed to completely reconnect.

Normally Edward is a slow patient lover, whispering words of love and encouragement to me. This time he seemed unable to make it all connect in his mind, he was frenzied.

With one arm wrapped around my waist supporting me, he pushed my shirt over my head with his free hand. I used my freed arms to pull his shirt over his head as well, when I let it go, to sink or float off down the river. I groaned at the multiple sensations bombarding me at once. Edward's warm chest with its light matt of chest hair, met the cool water of the river as they both collided with my skin. Each sensation was hard to separate and process but all together they stimulated my body beyond belief.

As soon as both our shirts were free from our bodies, I began to use my feet and legs to push down Edward's boxer briefs. The need was building at an incredible speed and I needed to feel Edward pushing inside me, and quickly. He must have understood because he reached down to pull them off and fling them towards the bank. This left him totally naked, so now I had to finish my undressing.

I dropped my legs from Edward's waist and attempted to push slightly away to remove my shorts and underwear. Strong arms pulled me up higher out of the water and gave me the leverage to push my simple cotton shorts and underwear down and off my body.

Finally we were both completely skin to skin. It felt glorious. I leaned in to kiss his chest right over his heart. "I love you," I panted.

Edward whispered, "More than words." Then he slowly slid into me. I was home, a wonderful perfect home. We both paused when he completely filled me, just relishing the feeling.

Tightening my arms around his neck, I used them for leverage as I pulled up and slid back down on him, moaning as he once again filled me. I tried to find a steady rhythm. Both our arms were entangled trying to hold me up out of the water and Edward's feet kept slipping in the muddy river bottom.

Edward walked closer to the bank, holding me tighter as he grabbed the few pieces of our clothes that managed to not float off. He walked downstream and stepped out onto the river bank , with my legs still wrapped around him. The thrill of being out in the open with Edward's cock still logged deep inside me was a definite turn on. I couldn't help but kiss the streams of water slowly dripping off of his jaw and chest as he made his way back to our tent. I nearly came undone from the sensations caused by the movements of him walking the short distance from the river to the tent. I nervously glanced over each shoulder to make sure that no one else chose that moment to step out of their tent for some fresh air.

Our clothes made a loud splat when we dropped them outside the tent door. They were soon forgotten when we dropped down on the air mattress. Edward pulled away and backed off the edge to kneel at the side. He pulled me half off as well and flipped me over onto my stomach. What felt like a bolt of electricity shot up my spine as his rough hands landed on my hips. He pulled me back at the same time he pushed forward and slid all the way inside me. I was instantly at a loss for words or sounds. I could only feel, just close my eyes and concentrate on the feelings he was causing deep within me.

"Fuck, this isn't going to last long." He whispered in between his frantic pace. I leaned back and met him thrust for thrust. My body agreed with his, it had been too long and he felt too good, this wasn't going to last long at all.

I dropped down off of my elbows and laid face down on the bed. My upper body was unable to move, but the change in angle caused him to hit that spot so deep inside me and all I could do was let him have his way with my body. The only movements were the push and pull from Edward, as he continued to pound into me. His grip tightened on my hip as he knocked my knees apart a little wider. The new distance allowed him to slide just a little deep and hit that magic spot inside me even harder than before. The heat and electricity ripped through me, as I struggled not to scream. I didn't want the others to come tearing into my tent thinking I needed to be saved right now. And I'm sure that Edward didn't want a rescue mission right now either. I could feel Edward swell as my body tightened down on him. I knew he was almost there just as I was.

"Baby." Was the only thing he whispered as came. It affected me stronger than any kinky, dirty talk ever did. This was the honest love shared between two people. It wasn't slow or sweet. It was two frantic and frenzied people trying to reconnect to each other. It was the best sex in the world, because it was with Edward. I was back in his arms, sharing this with him. That fact alone made it perfect.

It was easy to slip off to sleep when Edward pulled us back in the sleeping bags and wrapped his arms around me.

The next day, we had just come back from swimming in the river when my phone rang. I was surprised that I even had reception.

"Hello."

"Bells? Where are you, you're breaking up." Jacob called out to me.

"We're camping on the side of a mountain, not the best reception. You okay?" I was worried about how he was doing. I hadn't been in contact with Jacob any more than I had with any of the rest of them, so I wasn't sure how his healing was progressing.

"Fine, I was worried about you. I talked to Edward and he told me about what happened. Is everything cool?"

"Actually, I'm here with Edward now. Things are good, we have talked it out and I think, no, I know we are going to be fine. That was sweet of you to check on me though." It never ceased to amaze me how Jacob and I could fall so easily into the brother/sister role once we each found the right person for us.

"Sure, sure. Anything for my Bells. I'll let you go but you call me so we can catch up. I got good news to tell you about Nessie." He sounded excited, he deserved his happiness. I was glad for him.

"I will Jake, I'll call you when we get home. Take care."

"You too Bells."

When I put my phone back in my pocket I noticed Edward looking at me from across the campsite. I mouthed, "What?" back to him. He shook his head and mouthed, "I love you."

"Hey you two get a tent!" Emmett yelled from across the campsite. Everyone turned to look at the two of us; each of them was wearing a satisfied grin on their faces. Guess we weren't the only ones that were happy about the reconciliation.

**Three Months later**

I always enjoyed walking hand in hand with Edward out of our counseling appointment. I felt light and free, like I could take on the world. Edward's smile showed his matching sentiments about our sessions gravity defying offerings as well.

At first we went individually weekly and then attended a weekly session together but as we worked through our problems we have narrowed it down to once every two weeks for us together. It's nice to feel at peace with my life. It's a nice feeling to know that Edward and I both have fought to make this relationship work together.

Zafrina, our councilor, has helped me deal with completely trusting Edward, both of our self-doubts, our communication with each other, and most importantly me taking control of my life and not just accepting what happens to me. I have learned to go for the things I want in life and make them happen, which in turn makes me a happier person. Edward has rid himself of the doubt that Tanya has caused and finally feels confident to make decisions without hesitation or worry over what could go wrong. I now believe that I'm worthy of Edward's love and devotion. When he says he loves me or that I'm beautiful, I stop to accept his devotion. No more worrying in the back of my mind as to whether or not it's true. We have found ways to talk to each other about goals, concerns, fears and issues with each other. We can be completely honest about all aspects of our life. We also have learned to not make decisions for each other. Edward and I both deserve the opportunity to decide what we want in life, not to have our partners belittle our thoughts and feelings by choosing for us.

When Charlotte had returned from the publicity tour (and) I went back to work with her, but not for long. Seems like the amount of work I had done with her while I was on the tour was enough to convince the head honchos that I did deserve the promotion. I now have an office, instead of a cubicle, and get better choices of which manuscripts I edit as well. The extra responsibility feels good to take on and show myself that I can do whatever Little & Brown laid in front of me. Charlotte and Edward have also made amends. We can all laugh about it now, but we all three are certainly glad that it is over.

I hear my phone buzz to notify me that I have a new text message.

**Hey Baby!**

**Got good news, you heading home yet?**

**E**

He never fails to cause my stomach to do little flips with his ever changing terms of endearments that he calls me.

**E~**

**Just about to leave now, you heading home soon?**

**B xxoo**

I loved cooking, cleaning and taking care of Edward. He appreciated everything I did and rarely failed to let me know how much.

Soon my phone was buzzing again.

**Baby,**

**I'm leaving now, wanna meet for dinner and I'll tell you the good news?**

**Xxoo u 2**

**E**

How could a girl pass up that opportunity?

**E~**

**Where?**

**Xxoo u more**

**B**

Before the screen even went dark his reply came in.

**Baby,**

**You aren't gonna win this war!**

**Xxoo to infinity and beyond! Ha take that:)**

**Bella Italia, about 20 minutes?**

**E**

He certainly knew the way to my heart, mushy words and mushroom ravioli!

**E~**

**See you there!**

**B**

* * *

**E/N: As far as I know the drama is over, the rest should be fun and lemony! But I haven't spoken with Edward or Bella about this, so if they change their minds and want some drama-blame them, not me!**

**Life is good, I have seen Eclipse twice, once in IMAX-who knew Edward could get sexier?- and last night the hubs watched Remember Me with me. Three very strange things happened during the movie...he stayed awake for the whole thing, he is famous for falling asleep during the opening credits;he cried;he liked it! I have a good husband;) **

**See you all next Monday!  
**


	34. Chapter 34 That's How Strong My Love Is

**A/N: Hello ladies! Good to see you again;) Normal thanks go to all of you for reading, reviewing, faving, alerting me and another form of love you have sent my way! I am constantly amazed by you all! **

**Big fat thanks and lots of love goes to Eternally Addicted for taking over my beta duties for me since my Sonja is moving back to my side of the world. EA has a new story coming that you all are going to love. She sent me a preview last night and I wanted more. It's called Truth, Lies and Alibies, go put her on author alert so you can catch it when she begins to post it. You won't be sorry, I promise you that. **

**Playlist:That's How Strong My Love Is-Otis Redding (only because I couldn't find the version by Sam Bradley anywhere other than YouTube), Lover Come Up-Josh Kelley, Nightlife-An-Ya, Body Shots-Kaci Battaglia featuring Ludacris, Hush Hush;Hush Hush-PCD, London Bridge-Fergie, Control Myself-LL Cool J and Jennifer Lopez, California Gurls-Katy Perry and Snoop Dogg**

**SM and the writer and singers of these songs own it all, not me. I make nothing:( Sad, I know!**

**On with the show...

* * *

**If I was the sun way up there  
I'd go with most everywhere  
I'll be the moon when the sun goes down  
Just to let you know that I'm still around

That's how strong my love is, oh  
That's how strong my love is,  
That's how strong my love is, baby, baby,  
That's how strong my love is.

I'll be the weeping willow drowning in my tears  
You can go swimming when you're here  
I'll be the rainbow when the sun is gone  
Wrap you in my colors and keep you warm

That's how strong my love is, darling,  
That's how strong my love is, baby,  
That's how strong my love is, oooh,  
That's how strong my love is.

I'll be the ocean so deep and wide  
I'll get out the tears whenever you cry,  
I'll be the breeze after the storm is gone  
To dry your eyes and warm

That's how strong my love is, baby,  
That's how strong my love is,  
That's how strong my love is, darling,  
That's how strong my love is,

That's how strong my love is, so deep in,  
Well, that's how strong my love is  
So much love, yes so much love, oohh,  
Yes so much love, yes so much love,  
Anything that I can do, I'll be good for you,  
Any kind of love you want, I'll be with you...

Otis Redding-That's How Strong My Love Is

**Chapter 34- That's How Strong My Love Is**

**Edward's POV**

I was so excited to know that I could take Bella with me to the medical conference in San Francisco. Carlisle was already planning to take Esme along with him. They had had it planned for a while. When I asked him about taking Bella, he said that I would have to pay for her expenses, just as he was Esme's and get it approved by the Board members that were running the conference.

"Do you think they will have a problem with it?" I inquired as we sat in his office earlier today.

"No, not since you will be covering the costs. They just need to make travel arrangements and such for the whole group. Not that you couldn't just book her on the same flight, but by going through the proper channels ahead of time, it doesn't appear that you are getting any extra benefits that no one else is." He explained.

A few hours later, I was sitting in the restaurant as I tried to be patient while waiting for her to join me. Bella was due to arrive any second and I couldn't wait to tell her. This would be a great trip for us, I remembered my promise to never leave her alone again and I was going to prove that to her now. My fingers seemed to dance in nervousness across the table. I wanted this trip to be special, a turning point for us.

Our sessions with Zafrina were going very well and we had stopped seeing her individually. As a matter of fact, we were down to only going every other week to see her as a couple. The last session we had Bella was about twenty minutes late because of a meeting at work. She had no idea that I used the time to talk with Zafrina about proposing to her. I had bought the ring months ago before she had left because of the misunderstanding about Tanya. I had looked at it time after time, but put it back in the safe each time I did. I knew that we just weren't ready. I had spoken with Carlisle and Zafrina, and they both agreed that we were now prepared to make a decision with a clear head. We had worked so hard at taking the baggage of our pasts and letting it all go. For the first time in a long time I could say that things were really going well.

When I saw Bella walk in the front door my heart began to pound. I knew that I wasn't asking her to marry me tonight but for some reason it felt like this was the beginning of our turning point. I took a moment to really look her over before she saw me. My eyes almost fell out of my head! She had on a long sweater dress that was teal. She paired it with some teal leather boots and she looked so beautiful. The dress hugged every curve she had; emphasizing them without making her look like she was calling attention to herself. She was nervous about the dress, I could tell by the way she kept pulling the hem down. Alice and Rosalie must have talked her into wearing it today. She didn't have any reason to be nervous. Our eyes met and she gave me a heart stopping smile, just for me. It was a sight I would never get tired of.

As she walked to the table the dress slowly crept up her thighs and her hair bounced. Each movement caused me to fall more in love with her, I couldn't stop myself.

I stood as she reached the table and kissed her cheek as I pulled out a chair for her to sit next to me. Her smell was intoxicating. She always wore the same perfume. It was a light blend of citrus, iris, jasmine, sandalwood and pomegranate. On Bella it was perfect.

"Wow, you're dressed up. What's the occasion?" She eyed me suspiciously.

"I had a meeting at work. It ran late, so I just came on over here. I was texting you from the car." She slid her hand into mine; I loved the way she always wanted to be touching me. Usually it was skin to skin, but at times she would touch my back or arm. I could always feel her hand through my shirt. Knowing what her hand felt like skin on skin almost drove me crazier than if she had just touched a part of my bare skin.

"Well, bring on the meetings if it makes you look like this." Her face danced with the laughter that she held in and I couldn't help but laugh with her. I loved it when Bella was carefree and we could enjoy our time together.

Each day felt lighter, easier to let the problems go and just focus on us. That's why it just felt right to ask her to marry me now. I knew we were ready. Every time my brain says the word marriage I get nervous, I go into over load. What is she isn't ready to marry me? What if she has decided that she want our relationship to stay exactly the way it is? Am I smothering her? Making too much of this? Panic must have marched across my face because Bella's face twisted into a very concerned look. I smiled trying to ease her worry, but doing nothing for my own.

After our food arrived, we talked about our day. I told her about my meeting and how they chose two doctors to go to the conference in San Francisco. They chose Carlisle and me. Bella clapped and bounced around like a taller version of Alice. I couldn't help but chuckle lightly at her reaction.

"It's no big deal, Bella; it's just a medical conference." I tried to downplay the importance of it. To me it was more about being able to take Bella with me than the actual conference itself.

"Edward Anthony, don't you ever do that again. It is not just a conference at all. You were chosen to attend alongside your father, that is never 'no big deal'. Now, tell me about this conference. What are you going to be learning about?" Her eyes were so wide with joy that there was no way I could deny her, even if she wouldn't understand a word of what I said.

"We will have several different topics to choose from, several that will deal with emergency medicine, pulmonology, oncology, as well as gynecology. I think that I would like to go to …" I halted my speech mid- sentence when Bella features twisted with what appeared to be anger and she slid her chair away from mine. I replayed the last few sentences over again in my head trying to determine exactly what it was that I said wrong.

"You do not for one second think that you're going to be a Gynecologist, do you?" Her hands flew to her hips as she jutted her jaw out in defiance.

"What? No, I was going to say that I wanted to attend each lecture except that one. I don't want that as my specialty, Bella, I can assure you of that." I wanted to fall over laughing at her anger, but had the good sense not to. There was no way in hell I was going to rile her up any further over that topic. Looking at women girlie parts all day was not what I had in mind when I decided that I would practice medicine. But it sure as hell was funny to hear Bella get all twisted up over it. I should have dragged it out for a while and made her sweat over it. My brain was screaming at me to stop that train right now, Bella was too much to handle when she got all fierce. Even if I did think she was cute all flustered.

"Oh, well, sorry then." She scooted her chair back to its original position and leaned back against me. "When do you have to go and for how long are you going to be gone?" She asked, I could see the anxiety building up in her eyes.

Several months back I made a promise to Bella that I would never go away again without her, and I don't know if she remembers that promise but I do.

"Angel, I will be leaving in three weeks. I will fly out on Friday and then fly back on the following Friday." I left my statement as vague as I could. I know it was kind of mean to pull her chain this way but I wanted to see how much of the promise she remembered before I let her in on the secret.

"Wow, Edward, that's a whole week you'll be gone. I'm glad you were chosen to go but we did say that we wouldn't be away from each other that way again." Bella wouldn't meet my eyes and her hands were nervously working the napkin in her lap.

I put my finger under her chin and forced her head up to meet my eyes. "That, my love, is why Carlisle and I talked the hospital into letting you go with us. It will be the four of us-Carlisle, Esme, you and me."

Her eyes changed in an instant and she forgot all about the worries she was previously working over in her mind.

"Really? Oh Edward! That is awesome, I can't wait to go. I have always wanted to see San Francisco." Her enthusiasm showed me without a doubt that I would pay any amount of money it took to get her on this trip with me. Pride and satisfaction swelled up in me, just knowing that I was taking Bella some place she had always wanted to go, and proposing there no less.

"I meant what I said, Bella, as long as I can help it I will never be away from you ever again." I leaned down to kiss her, I needed her to feel the depth of my words not just hear them.

Bella could barely contain her excitement and rushed through dinner to get back home to tell everyone else that we were going to San Francisco together. She practically ran up the front stairs and threw the door open, startling the hell out of Rose, Emmett, Jasper and Alice.

"Guess where Edward is taking me in three weeks?" She yelled, obviously overjoyed about the trip.

"Wow, look at you Baby Bell, it must be somewhere good! You are lit up like a tree on Christmas day," Emmett commented.

The other three just glanced around the room from face to face waiting on the person that had the details to step up and spill them. Well they were all at a loss this time because only Carlisle and I knew about the trip; we had in fact just learned that we would be going this afternoon at the staff meeting.

"Well don't leave us standing here like fish with our mouths hung open, tell us Bella!" Rosalie tossed out as Alice nodded her head in agreement.

"San Francisco, baby!" Bella yelled and danced around the room.

"Emmett, you lazy fucker! Why don't you ever take me anywhere?" Rose landed a sound slap to the back of his head.

"Damn it, baby, why do I get in trouble because my brother is a big old pussy and can't say no to another trip?" He spoke the words to Rosalie but his eyes held mine and promised some retribution at a later time. I was in deep shit for getting him in deep shit.

"Wait a minute. First of all, I am not a pussy." Several scoffs were sent up at that comment, probably from Jazz and Emmett both. But I had a few details on them that they didn't want spread around so they had better keep their mouths shut. "Second, this is a medical conference that I am attending with Carlisle and I invited Bella to go with me. So, the rest of you just shut it and don't spoil her fun!" Bella looked a little fallen at their un-excitement at her news.

"How come Bella gets to go then?" Alice pouted, I'm sure she was seeing all the shopping time fly right out the window.

"Bella and I made a promise that we would not be apart again after all of the separations we went through. So, I asked about taking her with me. As long as I agreed to pay for her part of the stay the hospital agreed. Carlisle is bringing Esme as well, so they can keep each other company while we are off at the conference during the day. Now all of you vultures back off, and cut us some slack."

"Wait a damn minute, Esme is going as well. Oh hell no, Alice get out your laptop we are flying off to San Fran along with the rest of the family. Any decent family member would have offered this option as well." Rosalie spun on her heels and directed the last part at me.

"Just a second, this is Bella and Esme's trip, it is up to them if they want the rest of you tagging along as well." I wanted some peaceful time for Bella and Esme to spend together on this trip. I wasn't sure if either of them would be okay with the rest of the family coming along this once. I also wasn't sure if I wanted to propose in front of all of them, either.

All heads whipped around to face Bella. She chewed her thumbnail nervously. "Let me call Esme." Bella left the room with me following her.

She had dialed the number and Esme had answered by the time I was able to follow her to her final stop in the kitchen.

"I really don't care if they come; I mean the more the merrier. They will have to get their own hotel rooms. All I know is there's no way we're sharing a room with Emmett and Rosalie. Emmett snores so loud that I can hear him through the walls, I am not sleeping anywhere close to him." Bella giggled at something Esme said. "I agree, I'll go and tell them the news. Talk to ya later, bye." She disconnected the call and began her march back to the living room. I, again, followed like a little baby duck right behind her.

The other four were talking amongst themselves as we strode into the room. Bella stopped just inside the doorway and cleared her throat. All conversation ceased immediately. Bella turned to look at me and raised her eyebrow at me, oh yeah she was loving the power she held in her hands.

"Esme and I talked, and…we agreed that everyone should go!" A loud chorus of cheers erupted at her announcement.

"But, we do have some stipulations. Everyone must rent their own hotel rooms and you're free to do whatever you want while Edward and Carlisle is in the conference but when they are out we'll all spend some quality time together as a family. We must all agree to any kind of separate activities. Understood?" Bella waved her hands and slapped them together to punctuate her point. The four of them just stood with their heads bobbing like little school children.

Four very excited people called, "Agreed," in unison.

It sounded like a long time, three weeks. In reality it went by so fast that I was scrambling to get the arrangements in order for the night that I proposed to Bella. I went to Alice and begged for her help. She, of course, gave in when she found out that I was going to finally propose. Actually I couldn't have done it without her or Rose either one.

Rosalie upgraded the rooms for Carlisle and I, and booked the other two rooms that would be necessary since the other four were going as well. As well as booked all of the flights for us.

We would fly out on a Friday afternoon, spend the weekend together and then the conference would last Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. We would fly home Thursday morning and have the weekend to recover and relax.

Alice made all the arrangements for Saturday night. I wasn't sure that I could hold on to that ring any longer than Saturday evening. Besides I wanted plenty of time for Bella and me to enjoy being engaged before I had to spend all day in a stupid conference without her. Bella occupied every part of my mind and I knew it would be hard enough to focus something other than her much less when she was wearing my ring on her left hand and the words, 'Yes, Edward, I will marry you,' had been uttered by her lips.

By Friday morning I was a nervous wreck. Bella went into the office for a few hours until closer to our flight time. We would pick her up on the way out of town.

It probably was for the best, I knew that it was going to be hard to hold it together in front of her. I paced, worried, paced some more and in between those two actions I ran my hands non-stop through my hair. What if she said no? I hadn't stopped to think about that possible outcome.

Jasper and Emmett came into the kitchen, my current room of choice to pace and worry. Each took one look at me and busted up laughing.

"What the fuck are you two laughing at? Neither of you assholes have worked up the courage to do this either, so shut the hell up!" I yelled.

"He is exactly right Emmett Nathaniel McCarty! You shut your stupid mouth." Rosalie threw her hands on her hips as she cleared the swinging door of the kitchen and leveled a fuck-with-me-and-you-die look at him. He sat back down on his stool at the breakfast bar.

"Lay off Edward. I mean it, it's normal to be nervous like this. It's a big step for him and Bella; they've been through a lot. If either of you were half the man that he is, you would get off of your asses and make the same move he is. Now, leave him alone." She spun on her spikey heels and marched out of the kitchen.

"Thank you Rose." I yelled as she left the kitchen. She threw her hand up in acknowledgment of my thanks. I turned to follow her out as well. I had heard enough smart comments from Captain Can't Get Off My Ass and his sidekick, Not Buying The Cow Ever!

Emmett muttered, "Yeah but we're the ones that has to listen to months of Air Supply again if this shit goes south with the proposal." Rose and I both spun on our heels and practically ran back into the kitchen. I reached for his collar and was going to punch him when Rosalie shoved me out of the way. I bounced off of the counter behind me. She was stronger than she looked.

"Emmett, I have already warned you. Do you and smart ass here want to spend this entire trip by yourselves rooming together? Because it will only take one word from me and Alice and I will be sharing a room, while the two of you slap the salami in the shower, alone!" Jasper paled, while Emmett just looked sick!

"Say another word to Edward that is not encouraging or spill this secret to Bella at all and the threat will be carried out with an indefinite time limit, I mean it!"

We three stood in shock with our mouths hung open. Emmett and Jasper were surprised at being caught and the swiftness that Rose responded to them. I was in shock that Rose was defending me, or perhaps she was defending Bella. Either way, the wonder boys had shut their mouths and that made me happy. I didn't really care about the reasoning behind it.

I left the kitchen and went to my room to be alone. We had two more hours and I wanted some peace and quiet before I had to face Bella. I passed Alice and Rosalie packing a large suitcase in Bella's room. I stepped in to thank them both, for all they had done to make this trip happen for us all.

I stopped short when I saw the beautiful dress that Alice held in her hands for Rosalie to look over.

"Holy shit, please tell me that is for Bella to wear." I couldn't stop the words from falling out of my mouth.

"Damn it, Edward, you weren't supposed to see that. It was supposed to be a surprise." Alice took in a deep breath, and her face changed to a look of excitement. "Well, since you've seen it, what do you think?"

"I don't think I have adequate words to tell you exactly what I think," I replied softly, afraid that any amount of volume would shatter the perfect image I had of Bella already wearing the dress. The black velvet would accentuate her pale skin, while the one shoulder design would leave most of her collar bones and her graceful neck available for me. The length would be perfect, just enough leg to remind me what's hidden underneath but not so much that any other man would want to stare for too long.

Alice interrupted my internal monologue and pushed me out of the room. "Enough of you, get out so I can finish packing for her. You don't need to see everything, you've seen enough." My eyes immediately began scanning the room for whatever else was left lying around for me to get a peek at. Unfortunately, that was a big fat nothing; Alice must have been almost finished packing for Bella.

Carlisle called for all of us from the bottom of the steps. We were taking two cars to the airport, one for us and one for the luggage. Emmett and Rosalie would drive Emmett's Jeep with most of the luggage, while the rest of us took the Suburban and picked up Bella from work.

I expected the nerves to amp themselves up but surprisingly the closer I got to Bella the calmer I got. By the time she was in the car with us, it was no longer an act. It was just us excited to spend some time together.

We talked about her day and the work that she was bringing with her so she could finish it. I couldn't argue with that point, after all I was going to be working as well. I was just thankful that Charlotte forgave me and allowed Bella the time off to go in the first place.

The flight was uneventful, just a few pranks from Emmett to contend with.

We said goodbyes to each other at the doors to our rooms. The best we could get was all of us on the same floor. I think to be honest that was good enough for me. I lived with these people each day; I knew how loud they could be. I wanted some space to just be with Bella. It was always about her. It always would be.

Our daytime activities were chosen by the women in our group but the night was all for the men. Tonight was Emmett's choice, so he chose to go down to Fisherman's Wharf to have dinner.

After unpacking and taking a nap, it was time to get ready for dinner. Emmett called the room just as Bella stepped out of the bathroom. She was fastening her bracelet on her wrist. Once again, I was rendered speechless at how beautiful she was.

She was wearing a short pale blue dress. If I remember correctly, the color is what Esme calls cornflower, with spaghetti straps. My girl knows I have a thing for her shoulders and neck.

I really like her in dark blue but this lighter color makes her appear like she's lit up from the inside out. She has on simple shoes that match her dress color perfectly with a small flower over her toes. Her earrings and necklace match with small blue crystals hanging off of them. A bracelet and a simple ribbon sash tied around her waist completed her look.

My body found hers without my brains help. Lately we seem to gravitate together without thought or provocation. I wasn't complaining, I loved it. It stroked my ego just a little to know that she was just as hung up on me as I was on her.

I took her hand, kissed it and directed her towards the door. If I didn't leave soon we would not be joining the rest of our family for dinner. That broke Esme's specific rules, so I pushed down my desire for Bella and took my girl out to show her off.

When we all met in the lobby the girls burst out in laughter. All four of them had dressed in different shades of blue and wore their beautiful dark hair down. They managed to look coordinated without ever having spoken a word about their attire for the evening.

I was able to appreciate the beauty of each woman with us, all carried themselves in different ways but still possessed the inner beauty that was undeniable. I glanced at their hands, only Esme wore a ring that identified her as partnering with someone specific. The other three didn't need a ring as an outward sign, the way they clung to each of us spoke what their jewelry did not yet. I say yet because I knew each of my brothers intended to marry the women they now held. My brothers may be perfectly content with how their lives we at this point, but I wasn't. It wasn't enough for me to just know that someday I would ask her to marry me. I wanted it to be now. I wanted to go ahead with that part of our lives. I wanted her to be my wife now and I wanted my ring on her finger so that the rest of the world knew it too.

For once we were all dressed on time and early enough at with the late sunset we still had plenty of time to sightsee before dinner. We strolled along Pier 39, and Alice of course shopped. Bella bought a few souvenirs for people at work. Alice bought shoes and clothes, typical Alice. Then we stopped by the Venetian Carousel. This was for Rosalie. She had googled it. The carousel was carved and painted in Italy. It is the only carousel that was decorated with paintings of its home city on it. The girls seemed to be having a good time, it certainly was a good break for all of us to take the trip together.

Our last stop before dinner was the end of the Pier 39 so we could see the Sea Lions. Being late in summer we were able to see a few, most were still in the midst of their migration back to the pier. Bella was able to snap a few pictures for her scrapbook however so it she was happy.

After dinner we walked back towards the hotel, trying to soak up the atmosphere of the city. All the while planning different sites we wanted to visit while here. Emmett wanted Alcatraz, well okay all of us guys wanted to see that particular site. How could we not, everyone loves Clint Eastwood and his suave skills at breaking out! The girls agreed on Chinatown, the food and the shopping being the biggest draw for them. Jasper wanted to ride a trolley car, Carlisle planned time for the Aquarium, Alice suggested the dinner cruise around the bay. Thankfully I was holding Bella close to me with her in front of my body, otherwise she would have been able to see the shocked look on my face. I was afraid that Alice had spoiled the secret. Emmett immediately balked at the idea, but Rosalie threw in how romantic it would be and pointed out that Emmett had lacked in the romance department here lately. Bella's eyes lit up when it was mentioned. She turned to me, batting her beautiful long lashes up at me. I think she thought that she needed extra ammunition to get me to agree to go on the dinner cruise.

"Baby, can we take the dinner cruise? I think that would be so much fun and really romantic." I tried to appear like I was thinking it over, when I really was trying to hold in a smirk. Bella played right into my hands and she had no idea at all. I owed Alice big time!

"Sure, angel, I will book it tomorrow. What night would you like to go?" She had to think it was all her idea after all.

Alice quickly piped up and said, "I think it's supposed to be clear tomorrow night, no storms and nice weather. I checked before we left."

Bella spun back to face me. "Is tomorrow night too soon?" She bit that lush bottom lip, worried it between her teeth.

"You leave it all up to me and we will get us a dinner cruise around the bay if that is what my baby wants." I laid it on thick, and the deeper I got the wider her smile became.

She kissed my jaw and turned back to Esme, discussing what they would wear on a dinner cruise.

I winked over Bella's head at Alice and she gave a slight nod back to me. Like I said, I owed her big!

When we returned to the hotel, Carlisle and Esme played the old people card and went back to their rooms. Alice and Rosalie both wanted to go to a club to dance. Bella wasn't as enthusiastic on the idea. She was still sure that she looked like a paraplegic having a seizure on the dance floor. I remembered that night oh so long ago now when we danced together. I certainly wanted a repeat of that night, but this time the ending would be a little different. This time she would end up in my bed, instead of alone.

The girls left us in Rose and Emmett's room while they ran to Jasper and Alice's room to do a quick change. I doubted the quick part, after all Alice is involved. Within twenty minutes we were once again walking out of the hotel. For once I was wrong. The girls once again looked perfect. They were in sort of matching dresses, just different colors. To me the colors matched their personalities. Alice was wearing bright pink, of course to go with her bubbly and out-going demeanor. Rosalie was in a dress that faded from black at the top of the dress to a bright vivid blue at the bottom. The black represented her dark standoffish manner to outsiders, but the vivid blue showed her fierce loyalty to her family. The blue was a beautiful color and again I think that matched the soft moments that occasionally slipped past her black walls. Bella, she was in a black that faded to brown dress. To me the brown represented her warmth and caring nature. The black was the small amount of mystery that Bella held deep within her. I never felt like I truly knew Bella, she so often surprised me that I was sure that our life together would never be without adventure. They had each changed their hair slightly, Bella's was now pulled back low at the nape of her neck and several flowers were pinned into it. It made her hair even more fragrant than ever.

We proudly claimed our breathtaking women and led them through the lobby.

The music from the club spilled out each time a door was opened, but I had felt the beat vibrating through my chest several blocks back. It caused a warm buzz to begin moving along my spine, the anticipation of holding Bella close pushed it from vertebrae to vertebrae until my entire torso was engulfed with the warmth.

The heat from all the bodies pressed together could be felt and smelled once we stepped inside the club. Not in a sweaty locker room kind of way, but in the way that arouses you immediately.

I by passed the bar and pulled Bella right out onto the dance floor. California Girls by Katy Perry began. It was a nice even beat that would allow me plenty of opportunity to brush against Bella as she moved. I settled her against me and moved her body with mine. I noticed that Jasper and Emmett had both pulled Alice and Rose out to dance with us as well. We moved into a tight triangle with the girls in the middle of us, that way we didn't have to worry about any other men sneaking up and making the moves on the girls. It was a protective move to say the least, and an excuse to watch the girls dance with each other as well. My girl slithering up against another girl, not gonna lie that shit is as hot as hell!

Song after song played, we danced and drank. I made sure that Bella drank just enough to be tipsy but not too much. I wanted her ready to be with me when we made it back to the hotel, not ready to pass out.

Hush Hush; Hush Hush by the PCD's came on just as we made our way back out onto the dance floor. The slow groove was perfect to pull Bella up close to me and kiss along her neck. The light sheen of sweat was so sexy on her. It acted as a magnifier for her natural scent, purely mouthwatering. As the faster beat kicked in Bella was straddling my thigh, I slid my hand down to her ass and pulled her closer to me. She pushed against my already swelling cock when she rotated her hips, which she did often. About halfway through the song, I was ready to take her back to the room to have my wicked way with her.

"Baby, you ready to go?" I whisper yelled in her ear. Making sure that my lips brushed across her ear several times as I spoke to her. I felt her shiver as she nodded. No words were needed; we were in agreement as to how this night would end.

I reached over and tapped Jasper on the shoulder to let him know we were heading out. He nodded and gave a wave with the hand that wasn't planted on Alice's ass.

Emmett caught my eye and nodded his understanding that we were leaving as well.

Bella moved in front of me and lead the way out of the club, as her hips were still dancing to the Fergie song that was playing. I don't know what the hell her London Bridge was but I had a few ideas of what I wanted to go down on.

The Bouncer called for a cab for us. I held Bella close, her face buried into my chest. We were in our own bubble. Nothing else outside of the two of us existed. This continued in the cab and through the hotel.

When we entered the room, Bella made her way across to the far side. I was confused as to her logic. I wanted her as close as possible and in the bedroom. Not anywhere near the direction she was headed in. Then I understood her reason when she dropped her iPod into the docking station and more music poured out of the speakers. Not the slow, sweet music that was the norm for Bella. She had LL Cool J and Jennifer Lopez pounding out of the speakers. She slithered across the room back to me, her hands quickly popping open the buttons on my shirt. Her hips rotated and swung in a constant movement that quickly sent me over the edge from turned on to stark raving monster. Just then the words of the song sunk in.

_You got, you got, you got, _

_What it takes to make this boy be bad,_

_It's hard to control myself, _

_It's hard to control myself and to hold myself,_

_To keep from jumping on ya, Like I wanna, Like I wanna._

I know that feeling LL, trust me.

When my shirt was open she pulled it from the waist band of my pants and then slid her hands up and down across my chest, still rotating her hips. She spun and pressed her back against me, leaning back on her hells so that I was supporting her weight against me. Then she began her descent down the front of my body. When she reached the floor she spun to face me, putting her face in the exact spot that I wanted her. I braced myself against the back of the couch, I wasn't sure that I could support my own weight with her doing what I hoped she would end up doing.

"Bella?" My voice betrayed me, as it came out shaky and weak.

"Shhhh." I was hoping her answer would give me an idea as to what she had in mind. But she gave no indication with her words. I only had to guess based on her actions were telling me that fierce Bella was coming out to play. God I loved fierce Bella.

The new song sang about body shots and I wished for a second that Bella was spread out on the bar for me so that I could drink anything off of her. Then I quickly negated that idea, I didn't want to share Bella with any other eyes.

Bella was pulling my belt loose and unzipping my pants. She pulled my already hard cock out. Damn she wanted it right now. She didn't even bother pulling my pants or boxers down at all. I had no idea what put Bella in this mood but I loved it.

She opened her perfect mouth and slowly worked it down around me. I closed my eyes, I couldn't look. If I watched her luscious lips work on and off of me, I would lose it right now. Bella settled into a rhythm to match the song, which unfortunately was rather quick. Perhaps this wasn't too bad, if I could come soon then that would give me time to make sure Bella enjoyed herself. With this decided; I tangled my hands in her hair and guided her. Her hum around my dick was the last straw, I came fast and hard. Bella swallowed it all with a big assed smile. Her smirk alone was keeping my dick from falling soft. He knew that she wanted to play, and he would not disappoint.

Bella's iPod switched to the London Bridge song that was playing when we left the club.

I pulled her up off the floor and spun her in one action. I slid her zipper down and allowed the dress to fall off of her.

Fuck she only had on a really small, black, lacy, thong. God, I loved her more and more with every second. I pulled them off, quickly. As sexy as they were in place they were sexier on the floor, if you know what I mean.

My pants still hung open, my boxers pushed slightly down so that my semi soft dick was barely covered. Bella still had her shoes and necklace on, but nothing else. This was good, hot fucking we were going to do right here. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I was hoping that both of my brothers were as lucky as I was tonight.

Bella still held my gaze. Her face was too perfect, I couldn't look at her. It would be over too fast; I had to turn her around to spare her a fast fuck. I wanted to make sure this was a night she would remember.

I kicked her feet slightly further apart and bent her over the back of the couch, her whimpers spurring me on. I could only imagine how the cool leather would feel against her heated skin. I dropped down to my knees and hovered with my face mere millimeters from her skin. I could smell her; almost taste her just from her scent alone.

As much as it was killing me I started with her leg, kissing up the length of it, continuing across her ass and down the other leg. Bella pressed her body closer to me. She was trying to direct me to the spot that she needed me to touch. I wasn't that easy, so the torture continued. I made the pass of kisses several more times. Then at the last second I pressed my lips right against her soaking wet pussy. She tasted better than any other thing I have ever put to my lips. I could seriously lick her every day, all day long.

I felt her legs give away slightly, I reached up with my hands to direct her to hold on. I wanted both of my hands free to focus on her but I didn't want her falling over either. When she felt stable again, I slid two fingers into her.

"Fuck!" Bella panted. I knew it was good when my sweet girl uttered those dirty words.

"Such a dirty girl, where on earth did you learn to talk like?" I punctuated my words with slight nips to her clit.

Her back arched and she tossed her head back. I gained a small amount of satisfaction knowing that Bella seemed to have no more control over her body than I did. She was hovering right on the edge of her orgasms. I needed to push her over the edge, and I knew exactly the steps to make sure that happened.

First, I curled the fingers that I had inside her and pushed against her with a little more pressure.

Second, I asked her, "You want me to fuck that dirty language right out of you? Is that what you need?"

Unable to answer me all she could do was nod as she continued to pant and whimper in her increasing state of arousal.

Lastly, I stood up and took her breast in my free hand. I rolled my thumb and forefinger over her nipple, pinching it just enough to cause a loud moan to escape her lips.

The last step was the one that caused the free fall into pure bliss that I wanted for her. Her body shuttered and clamped down around my fingers. I kept up the gently rhythm to make sure that it was a nice long orgasm for her. I really wanted her like putty in my hands when she was finished.

Bella dropped her torso; the only thing that kept her from falling on her face was her hands that caught the back of the couch as they passed.

"Whoa, come here baby. " She had officially achieved the putty like consistency that I wanted her in. I lifted her into my arms and walked the short distance to the bedroom. When she was settled in the middle of the bed, I stepped back to finally remove the rest of my clothes.

I climbed up with her trying to decide which position that I wanted her in, so many flashed across my mind. I knew that Bella was not going to be able to help so it had to be a position that I could do all the work and she could just lay back and enjoy it.

I pulled her onto her side and her leg up over my shoulder while I straddled her other leg. I slowly entered her, making sure to grind my hips around to touch all the spots that Cosmo is always worried about for her. Beside in this position I could watch myself glide in and out of her. Her beautiful pussy looked so good filled with my cock.

"Bella, you have no idea how good this looks, baby. God, I love fucking you. Do you want to watch me fuck you?" The dirty talk was in over drive tonight but every time the word fuck left my lips Bella would whimper and her sweet little pussy would clamp down on me. I would say nothing but that one word for the rest of my life if I could feel that reaction each time.

"Yeah." She murmured. Her face was slightly flushed; I couldn't tell if it was the exertion or the embarrassment of wanting to watch.

I pulled my knee further away from her body and instructed her to bend at her waist to be able to see better. The slight movement of her waist made the angle change that I entered her.

Bella fisted the sheets, chanting, "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" She didn't even take the time to watch. The new sensations were enough without sight to add to it. I could feel Bella's juices flowing down across both of us. The wetter she became the more it turned me on. I was a doctor and I knew the pleasure that she was feeling for this type of reaction to be achieved. Won't lie, I wanted to beat my chest and yell out that I was the master of the universe.

I sat back slightly and angled my thrust up into her body, twisting my hips when I was fully inside of her.

"Oh God, right there, please, right there." The slow build of my own orgasm shifted gears and began to race across my body. Searing my flesh in its wake.

My hand slipped down to Bella's body. I rested my hand slightly above her pelvic bone and gently applied pressure. Then I slid my thumb back and forth across her clit. Each time I applied more pressure.

Bella's body reacted with a violent jerk and her eyes rolled back in pleasure.

"Shi…ahhh…" She couldn't form sentences.

"That's it, baby, let my body give you pleasure. You are so fucking sexy laid out for me. I don't ever want to go a day without feeling you like this. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Each 'fuck' was progressively louder. I knew I was so close that I couldn't scratch my way back off of the cliff's edge.

"Come with me baby, please. Let me make you come." I begged Bella. I didn't want to crest this peak without her. I applied more pressure on her clit. Her hands were feverishly clutching the bed sheets and my leg. Pulling me in closer to her, deeper in her.

I leaned down closer to her body, almost bending her hips into an unnatural position. I watched her face and didn't detect a single moment of pain so I kept going until I could kiss her. That was the one thing that I hadn't done for her since we arrived back at the hotel room. I used my free hand to hold her body up to mine and plunged my tongue into her mouth in time with my dick entering her.

Bella's body clamped down on mine and I felt the rush of her release. That was the only sign that I needed to allow my instincts to take over and plunge off the cliff with her.

I swear that I passed out. I remember the beginning of my own orgasm but nothing after that. Bella lay just as still beside me. I gathered her up close and pulled the blankets over us both. I switched off the lamp on my side of the bed and kissed Bella's temple.

"I love you, angel."

"I love you too, Edward."

Tomorrow was going to be the biggest day of my life so far, but tonight, tonight would forever be on my top ten lists with her. No matter how many years I lived, I would not ever forget tonight.

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**E/N: So what did you think? You people are drama h00rs, that is for sure! You people went crazy with the reviews when they were apart, I hope that means that you liked it! Thanks for you love in whatever form you send it! **

**A few Rec's for you, just from me:**

**Under the Apple Tree- if you are not reading this you are seriously crazy, this fic is amazing! This is written by danieller123, and is only on her blog so visit her profile to get a link to the blog.  
**

**Paper Cutouts- I don't remember where I saw the rec for this fic but it contained the one word that I couldn't refuse-Tattward- so I went right over and read it. I was not disappointed at all, he is a hot Daddyward with some tatts, what else do you need? **

**And last but not least is The Path We Chose-Man alive this thing is owning me so hard, I rush over to read it as often as I can, I spent four hours in an ice cold bathtub because this thing was too good to take five minutes to get out and dry off! I love it so much, go read all three of them now! The second two are on my fav's list, seriously go and read them. **

**Till next week...  
**


	35. Chapter 35 All In

**A/N: Hello to you all, good to see you again!**

**A really big hello to my new friends~les16 and tahughes28657:) It has been wonderful to find my perv twin and her bff! You two are so freaking funny, glad you're here with us. Les16 has a wonderful story that I am so owned by The Path We Choose, go and read it. You won't be disappointed at all. Les16 also looked over an approved the lemon here so if you like it, go and thank her! EA~you know I luv ya baby and thanks for the song, it was perfect!  
**

**Playlist:All In-Lifehouse, Come On Get Higher-Sugarland or Matt Nathanson, I Want You To Want Me-Cheap Trick, My Best Friend-Tim McGraw, All The Way-Celine Dion & Frank Sinatra, Count Me In- Deana Carter, I Know How The River Feels-Ty Herndon, Two Less Lonely People In The World-Air Supply, U Must Be- Gina Rene

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All night staring at the ceiling, counting minutes, I've been feeling this way  
So far away and so alone  
But you know it's all right, I came to my senses, letting go of my defenses  
There's no way I'm giving up this time  
Yeah you know I'm right here I'm not losing you this time

And I'm all in nothing left to hide  
I've fallen harder than a landslide I spent a week away from you last night And now I'm calling, calling out your name  
Even if I lose the game, I'm all in, I'm all in tonight  
Yea I'm all in, I'm all in for life

There's no taking back what we've got It's too strong, we've had each other's back for too long There's no breaking up this time  
And you know its okay, I came to my senses, letting go of my defenses.  
There's no way I'm giving up this time.

And I'm all in nothing left to hide  
I've fallen harder than a landslide I spent a week away from you last night And now I'm calling, calling out your name.  
Even if I lose game, I'm all in, I'm all in tonight  
Yea I'm all in, I'm all in for life

I want, I want  
Yeah I want, yeah I want, I want, I want, yeah I want, I want, I want, yeah I want  
And I'm calling, calling out your name  
Even if I lose the game, I'm all in, I'm all in for life

And I'm all in nothing left to hide  
I've fallen harder than a landslide I spent a week away from you last night And now I'm calling, calling out your name.  
Even if I lose the game, I'm all in, I'm all in tonight  
Yea I'm all in, I'm all for life Yea I'm all in, I'm all in for life

Lifehouse-All In

**Chapter 35- **

**Edward's POV**

Waking up with Bella in my arms filled me with two emotions-excitement and fear. Excitement, because I was going to ask Bella to marry me tonight, and fear, well…because I was going to ask Bella to marry me tonight! I switched off those emotions and concentrated on appearing normal until tonight came. Bella stirred beside me, so I focused on her.

"Morning, angel, Alice texted me a few minutes ago and laid out the itinerary for us today. We have exactly thirty minutes to get down to the lobby so we can be on our way." Bella's groan mimicked mine when I read the text. All I really wanted was to stay here in bed with Bella all day. Not be out sightseeing with everyone else. We had plenty of time to come back later and see the sights of San Francisco.

Our plan for today is to head over to The Exploratorium, a science museum for Carlisle, then over to the Golden Gate Bridge and the Golden Gate Park for the girls. The park also allowed us to see the Japanese Tea Gardens as well. After that we're heading to Lombard Street to see the most crooked street in San Francisco before we go for lunch. We can take the Trolley to and from Lombard Street that will make Jasper happy as well. So, it looks like today would go a long way to making all of us happy. Me especially, well actually tonight will make me happy but I will have a great time watching Bella enjoy herself today.

Lunch was a crazy affair, with all of us talking over each other. Making it pretty much (normal) a normal meal for our family. We ate at Calzone's Italian Restaurant. The food was wonderful, and the best part was feeding Bella. I made a point to feed her small bites often. I couldn't stop looking at her mouth and the joy in her eyes as she enjoyed her day with us.

We took so long eating that we had to rush to make it back to the hotel in time for us to get ready.

Bella showered in our room and then rushed off to finish getting dressed in Alice's room. Jasper and Emmett slipped in to our room to wait with me while the girls made themselves perfect for us. If they only realized even when they looked their worst, they were still perfect in our eyes and always would be. Eventually Carlisle joined us explaining that Esme went over to hurry the girls along.

I had done my research on this dinner cruise. It would take the six of us out around the bay and allow us to see the landmark sights. We would tour past Alcatraz, the Golden Gate Bridge, watch the sun set over the Pacific and then see the lights of the city while we ate dinner. After dinner we would dance out on the deck. That is when I would ask her to marry me, surrounded by our family.

Every time the nerves hit me I would rub the pocket of my pants that held the ring. I took it out of the box, risky move I know, but I didn't want the tell tale box's shape to give away my plans. No matter which pocket I put it in you could see it, so I removed it and placed it in my right pants pocket.

I knew Bella loved me, I knew it for sure. But that small amount of doubt that she would say yes was killing me. It made my throat hurt, my chest ache and let's not even talk about what it was doing to my stomach.

I almost, almost took Carlisle up on his offer to take something for my nerves. I declined when I realized that I would be, even if it was slightly, under the influence of something else and I wanted this moment to be my heart talking to hers. Not some pill talking.

We had about an hour before we started the cruise and about two hours on the cruise, so in about three hours I would know if Bella was going to be my wife. WIFE! The thought thrilled me beyond words. I wanted to wake up to her every day, sleep with her every night and enjoy all the crazy moments in between those two activities. I wanted children with Bella, lots of children. The thought of her belly swollen with my child caused me to moan out loud, which caused Emmett, Jasper and Carlisle to look over at me with confusion. I simply shrugged my shoulders at them. I wasn't about to go into explaining that reaction to any of them.

I began to pace around the room the time was going way to slow, I was sure three times that the clock has stopped moving all together. Just then the door swung open and in stepped the most beautiful creature on earth.

She was wearing that dress I saw back at the house. It was black velvet and tied over one shoulder—I love her shoulders, like seriously love them. The tie draped down the front of her beautiful body. The dress ended mid-thigh, it was just enough to give me a wonder sexy daydreams in my head but not enough to cause others to stare at her. Her sexy feet were tied into a pair of heels that wound around her sexy calves and then tied in the back. She had on a small pair of earrings and a simple bangle. That's all the jewelry she wore. She was elegant, sexy and absolutely perfect. I will forever remember the way she looked tonight.

She cleared her throat and I realized that the whole room was watching me appreciate Bella. Bella was embarrassed by this moment, but she shouldn't be. She deserved to be adored and worshiped; I would spend the rest of my life doing just that, if she would let me. I rubbed the pocket of my pants again, once more touching the ring. I allowed it to immediately push away any doubts and only fill my head with the joy that I would feel hearing her say yes to me.

I took her hand and gently kissed the back of it. "I know that I say this all the time but, Bella, there are no words to describe how you look tonight. You are so beautiful."

She blushed and ducked her head. "I bought this dress while you were in Seattle the second time. I wanted to wear it somewhere with you; I was just waiting on the perfect occasion. You like it?" She asked, her voice dropping to a whisper.

"It's perfect, you're perfect." I pulled her close and kissed her gently on the mouth. I wanted so much more but I knew that I could wait until later for that. Tonight it would mean so much more than it does now.

Carlisle cleared his throat and announced, "All right enough sappy stuff, let's get this show on the road."

The limo was waiting out front for us as we left the hotel. I liked the idea of showing Bella off, a little. I didn't want guys staring at her and thinking disgusting thoughts that is for sure. But, I won't lie, it felt good to have people watch us walk by and think 'What a lucky bastard he is!' I only had eyes for her and I couldn't allow her to stray even a foot from me. Her body was my lifeline, without her touch I would slowly fade away into nothing. I needed her more than she would ever know.

Everyone talked and enjoyed themselves. I just watched Bella. I watched Bella all through the limo ride, through the cocktails as we traveled around the bay, through dinner. I watched her alone. I couldn't pull my eyes away from her. She caught my eyes often and smiled every time she did. She knew something was going on but she didn't comment or ask. I smiled at her trying to let her know that I was off a little tonight but it was a good kind of off.

Our dinner was wonderful. We enjoyed the great food and the great company. The music started as they were clearing the desert plates from our table.

"Would you like to dance with me, madam?" I asked as I took her hand in mine. I expected some funny comment about signing my death warrant or something but she simply stood and walked with me to the area they had for dancing. None of the other couples had made it over to us yet. They were each wrapped up in their own little worlds at their own tables.

Because we were the only couples on the cruise for the evening each couple was offered separate tables. It was nice to look back on the memory and know that they were there with me but Bella and I were in our own space sharing it together.

As I took Bella in my arms, she sighed. "You doing okay, love?"

"I'm doing more than okay, Edward, perfect in fact." Her smile radiated throughout her whole face. Her eye sparkled with the joy she felt.

"I'm glad. How was your dinner?" I tried for casual conversation, in my mind it was a total fail but perhaps Bella didn't think so. Just then her eyebrow cocked up and she gave a disbelieving look, but answered anyway.

"Dinner was great, so was dessert, the music is nice, the atmosphere is lovely, the night is perfect, the stars are brilliant, the family is subdued, the whole thing is perfect-except you. You're a million miles away, and you have been all night. What's wrong?" The anxiety was clearly showing in her voice.

"I'm sorry, I was just so wrapped up in it all. Everything, you, me, us, just everything. I'm so happy, more than you will ever know. I just don't know what I have ever done to be given all of this, to be given you." My eyes darted all around the boat taking in the surrounding scenery but I lowered them down to look directly at her when I finished my sentence.

"Oh, Edward." She reached up on her tip toes and placed a kiss right on my lips. It was soft and gentle but it held the promise of her passion right below the surface.

"I mean it Bella. I have never had someone who understood me so completely. Not my mother, father, or any of any of my other family, no friends, no one. Just you. You are my best friend, my lover, my partner, my true other half. I know without a doubt that I can count on you no matter what happens. Sure, we've had our ups and down but we handled them together." She nodded at me and opened her mouth to speak. I rushed ahead, if I didn't get it out now I never would. "That is the one quality about my parents and Carlisle and Esme's marriage that I always envied. They had someone to go to no matter what was going on; someone that was their safe haven. I want that Bella. I want it with you. I love you, Bella. I think I have always loved you." I hugged her close and placed a kiss on her temple. Then I pulled away for I could look her in the face when I said the rest. "I can't imagine my life without you. Life with you makes perfect sense. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Please, Isabella Marie Swan, tell me that you will spend forever with me. Marry me and make me the happiest man alive." I pulled the ring out of my pocket and held it up for her to see.

She gasped and buried her head in my chest. No words, she just simply held up her ring finger on her left hand. I slid the ring down on it and kiss it when it was in place.

"Aren't you supposed to be down on one knee mister?" Her voice was full of disapproval but her eyes radiated happiness.

"Can I take that as a yes?" I nodded towards her left hand she had placed in the middle of my chest, eye level for her so she could look at the ring.

Her eyes went wide as she realized that she had not in fact answered my question. "Yes, oh yes, Edward, definitely yes!"

No sooner than I had slipped the ring on her finger, my lips immediately sought hers as the words that made me the happiest man alive slipped from her mouth. Relief, vast amounts of relief that she could possibly love me as much as I love her and want to spend the rest of her life with me.

The song changed as we began to sway together again. Celine Dion remade the Frank Sinatra song with him, All the Way. I didn't care much for Celine but Frank's version was quite smooth. I couldn't help but pipe in when Frank began singing.

_Taller than the tallest tree is, that's how it's got to feel._

_Deeper than the deep blue sea is, that's how deep it goes if it's real_

Bella joined and we sang the rest of the song together. It felt so good to hear her echo the exact sentiment that my heart-felt.

_When somebody needs you, it's no good unless she needs you all the way._

_Through the good or lean years and for all those in between years, come what may._

_Who knows where the road will lead us, only a fool would say._

_But if you let me love, it's for sure I'm gonna love you._

_All the way, I'm gonna love you all the way._

I couldn't have said it better myself, Frank, thanks.

"I promise, Bella, all the way. I know what it's like to be without you and I can't do that again. I just can't. You've made me so happy today, you have no idea." I kissed her again, pouring all my love into that one kiss.

We broke off the kiss when we both ran out of breath, but our lips remained in contact with each other. "I love you, Bella, I will make you the happiest woman alive, I promise you that."

"I know, Edward. I can't wait." She whispered back against my lips.

I wanted to take her back to the hotel and show her how happy she had made me, I wanted to make love to my fiancé. That thought was ended as quickly as it began when the other members of our family came crashing in around us. Emmett grabbed Bella and swung her around. Esme planted a kiss on my cheek, her eye full of unshed tears.

"Edward, I am so happy for you both. I knew deep down in my heart all along that you two belonged together. Your parents would be so happy, they would love Bella." Her tears began their descent down her cheeks as my eyes filled up thinking of the two people that I would never get to tell about my Bella. I shut my eyes tightly, trying to ward off the sadness on this happy night. Esme pulled my forehead down to meet her, "Charlie would be just as happy, you know." I simply nodded at her as Alice slid under my arm and pulled me into her small arms.

Jasper was sort of dancing with Bella, he was talking to her and she was nodding back at him. Her face was a glow and happiness shined from every pore. Rosalie slid under my other arm as well. Their hands met in the middle as they each hugged me.

"Edward, Alice and I tease you often but we are both so happy to see you find what you deserve. What you both deserve. Make her happy or else I'll cut your balls off and feed them to you for dinner." Rose nodded and then walked away to dance with Emmett.

"She's right, Edward, you both deserve this happiness. Don't over think it, just love her and keep her happy. If you do those things your life will be happy as well." She pulled me down so she could kiss my cheek and walked away as Bella made her way back to me.

Carlisle clapped me on my back as he walked around to face me. He pulled Bella and I both in for a hug. "I love you both. You are both my children, which is kind of creepy considering you two to be getting married." We all threw our heads back and laughed. The release of emotion felt just as good as the few tears I shed over my parents not being here. He kissed Bella's left cheek and placed a hand on my right one. "Make each other happy first and you happiness will follow. I love you both."

The waiters had brought out the champagne for us to celebrate with. I handed Bella the first glass and took one for myself. When we each had a glass, I raised mine and looked down at Bella.

"By some stretch of the imagination, this wonderful woman has agreed to be my wife. She has made me the happiest man alive." I glanced at the faces of our family, thinking how Bella had completed our circle. I looked back at her. "I love you more than I can say, thank you." I kissed her, my lips explaining the emotion quite well.

"To Bella and Edward!" Everyone shouted.

We hung out and finished the cruise, which took way too long to wrap it all up. I wanted to take Bella to bed and show her how happy she made me. How deep in love I was with her. Time seemed to be moving in slow motion for me now. Bella seemed to be enjoying her evening, so I settled back into my seat beside her and waited for our alone time.

Carlisle suggested that we take the limo back to the hotel and they rest of them would catch a cab. I guess that my subtle ways weren't so subtle.

I stood watching Bella remove her jewelry in the bathroom. Everything but that very important piece of jewelry that I had placed on her finger tonight. The piece that would stay there for the rest of our lives. The soft glow of the lights made her skin glow. She looked so beautiful. Her diamond ring caught the light and casted small glints of light all over the mirror in the bathroom. Every time she saw the glints a smile would take over her face. She was truly overjoyed at being engaged to me. I had to clutch my chest to stop my heart from bursting forth from my chest. It was so filled with love for Bella.

I slowly stepped over to her as she struggled with the zipper on her dress. It was under her left arm. I raised her arm and placed it on my shoulder and slid the zipper down. Once it reached the bottom, I pulled the bow that covered her shoulder down her arm and helped her out of her dress.

As beautiful as she was in her dress, she was even more so out of it. Bella was wearing a black satin corset with lace panties and a garter that matched. She had on black thigh highs that were held up by the garter belt. The corset hugged her perfect curves and made them look delicious. I couldn't resist running my hand along the side of her body, feeling the soft satin slid under my fingers.

"Bella, you are perfection."

She blushed and pushed my hand away from her body, trying to remove the corset.

"No, let me please." She nodded as I drug both my hands up her curves to the top closure. I couldn't help but place a kiss right against the swell of her breast that showed at the top of the soft fabric. The feel of her skin was ten times softer than the material ever hoped to be. I slipped open each closure and revealed more skin to my touch and eyes. I couldn't move slow enough or fast enough to suit my fickle body. One moment I wanted it slow and sensual; the next second I wanted it fast so that I could look upon her whole body without any interruptions.

Bella leaned against the counter-tops in the bathroom, gripping them for support. She didn't utter any sounds but her face showed me that she enjoyed all that she was feeling.

Once her corset was gone, I made quick work of untying her shoes and removed them. Next I slid her sexy black stockings down each leg, kissing the flesh along the way. Then I pulled the garter belt off of her body. Her chest was heaving with the unsteady breaths she was pulling into her body. Her body was flushed a slight shade of pink. Bella always hated her blush but she had no idea the things that simple blush did for me. I almost wish that she could maintain that perfect color all the time. Almost.

Bella's head had lolled back, allowing her hair to drape down her back. I could feel the tips of it brush against my hand when I placed it along the small of her back. My other hand reached up and pulled her chin upright to look directly at me.

"Let me love you, Bella." Her bottom lip slipped in between her teeth as a small moan escaped her lovely mouth. I didn't wait for any other reaction; I pulled her up into my arms and carried her to the bed.

When she was settled down in the middle, I walked over to the dresser and dropped my iPod in the dock. I quickly found the playlist I had made for tonight. I wanted slow, oh so slow music to make love to her with.

The first song began to pour from the speakers. I made my way back to Bella. I could see her body practically vibrating waiting for my touch. There was no way I was going to put her out of her misery, yet. I was still half dressed so I stepped back and removed my shirt, belt, and my slacks. I dropped them into the chair on the other side of the room. My underwear joined them on the floor before I turned to walk back across the room, naked, to join Bella. Her eyes watched me and took me in, their path felt like small electric shocks across my skin.

Bella laid out on the bed in nothing but her small lacey panties were my undoing. I couldn't have kept my body away from hers even if I had wanted to. I needed to be with her in the bed, just like I needed oxygen. I pulled them off of her and laid my naked body on top of hers.

"You have been so quiet tonight, are you okay?" I asked worried that we were moving too fast for her.

"Yes, baby, I'm so much more than okay. I can't wait to be your wife." She responded as her hand found my cheek. I could feel the cool temperature of the metal of her ring against my cheek.

"Do you like your ring?"

"Edward, it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. It came from you so I love it." Being this close to her allowed me to see the golden flecks in her eyes that shown like diamonds. She looked up at me from under her lashes, "I can't wait to be your wife, Edward. You have made me so happy."

My lips found hers, moving across hers in desperation. Hers were matching my movements, the desperation was being returned by her. Oxygen seemed to have no importance to either of us. The kiss seemed to go on forever, but I couldn't complain. The desire didn't lessen with her touch, it in fact increased exponentially. It was ready to consume me, and if it did then I would die a happy man.

I pushed Bella's hand up over her head and joined mine with hers. No foreplay, no teasing, I simply slid right into her silky warmth. My tongue joined hers and matched the rhythm that my lower body was setting. Bella's moans were the only sound in the room. I felt her nipples as they rubbed across my chest, each pass they grew harder. I longed to take them into my mouth but I simply couldn't talk myself into leaving her mouth and tongue alone.

When our mouths weren't lock together our eyes were. We held hands, as I slid in and out of Bella. All the way in with deep strokes that caused Bella to raise her hips to meet my push. Then a slow retreat that made her arch her back. The slow rhythm building in intensity, push me higher and higher. I could feel the tingling crawl across my stomach and descend my body.

"You're my other half, Bella. I love you so fucking much." I licked across her neck and tasted the salt of her tears.

I rose up on my forearms, to look down at her. The tears were slowly slipping from the corners of her eyes. But her smile was amazing; it showed that the tears were the joyful kind.

"Bella?" I asked, halting my movements.

"No! Don't stop, please. You've made me the happiest woman in the world. You've given me so much today. You gave me a family and you gave me you. All that's left for us is for you to give me our beautiful children. Don't stop, love me, Edward, make me yours." Her hands tightened on mine as she pleaded with me.

"You already are mine, Bella, you just need my last name." I pushed back into her and felt her tighten all around me. Her eyes fluttered closed and serenity passed over her face. Had I not been deep inside her I would not have even know the chaos that was running through her body. Her face was detached from the frenzy happening within her. To know that the thought of my last name attached to her pushed her over the edge only spurned on my own orgasm. I had never felt such a strong rush of elation that accompanied the physical release.

"I love you, Bella, with all of my heart and everything that I have. I love everything that you are on the outside and deep inside of you as well." I gave her a gentle kiss to punctuate my words.

"I'm everything I am because you love me. You made me who I am, you helped me be this person. I love you too, Edward. I can't wait to start my life with you."

I awoke to the same text that I had received every morning that we had been here, it was a detail of our daily activities from Alice. Today of all days, however, Alice had chosen separate activities for the sexes. The one day that I want Bella by my side and now we were going to be separated for most of the day. It sent my heart into a lurch to think that she would gone from my side.

The girls were going to the spa while us guys were heading off to take another cruise, this one will take us to Alcatraz prison. Each activity will only take about four hours but still, Bella is my fiancé and I don't want to be away from her.

I snuggled back into Bella and began to caress her arm, trying to gently wake her up. "Baby, Alice texted and we have to be downstairs in a half an hour."

"Half an hour? How am I supposed to take a shower and dress in that amount of time?" Her voice muffled by the pillow she still had her head buried into.

"Good thing you're going to the spa so you won't have to shower yet. You will have a massage, mani-pedi, whatever the hell that is, and several other treatments that I have no clue about. I'm sure you can shower there after the massage. Wait, you think it will be a guy masseuse?" I didn't want not dude touching my fiancé, I know I say it way too much but I love the sound of it.

"I will ask for the big hairy Russian girl. Don't worry." Bella answered, still muffled but not as deep this time. She was emerging out of her cocoon and into our world. "A mani-pedi stands for manicure and pedicure, you silly. With the girlie girls you lived for years with and you really didn't know what that was?" She giggled at me.

I pulled her close and nuzzled my nose into her hair. "Are you going to miss me when you're having your mani-pedi?"

"Yes, I wish that they hadn't chosen separate activities today, today of all days. I really will miss today. But it is just a few hours, enjoy your…hey what are the guys doing?"

"A cruise around Alcatraz, we will tour the inside and then come back." I guess my face showed how little interest I had in this particular activity because Bella laughed at me.

"Honey, it's only for part of the day. We can do something else together this afternoon, I promise." She leaned up and kissed me, "Now, get up and let's get dressed or else we are going to be late. You don't want to be late, you know how Alice gets."

She jumped from the bed, strutted across the room towards the bathroom and threw an evil wink at me over her shoulder. I jumped from the bed to follow her but she slammed the door right in my face and locked the door.

"Bella! Open this door, right now!" I pounded on the door but she simply giggled at me from behind from the other side.

"Go get dressed Edward, Alice will be here in about ten minutes! She will be pissed off if you are not ready!"

"Fine but you will pay for this, I just wanted a kiss!" I could hear her laughing at me some more; she would suffer some punishment that is for sure.

We all met in the lobby, the girls began to drift off to the spa. I grabbed Bella's wrist to pull her back to me, there is no way in hell that she is getting away from me without at least telling me goodbye.

"Baby," I breathed against her lips. "Have fun and I'll miss you." I kissed her and slipped my tongue into her mouth as soon as she parted her lips for me. I loved the way her tongue felt moving against mine, she always tasted so good. I could kiss her all day and not ever get tired of it.

"Come on Ed, quit assaulting your girl in the lobby! Let's get this show on the road." Emmett bellowed.

I pulled myself away from Bella's sweet lips and smiled a smile big enough to fill the Grand Canyon, "You got that wrong, Emmett, my brother. I am assaulting my fiancé, you big ass!" I bellowed right back across the lobby to him. The lobby filled with his loud guffaws at my joke and Bella face almost split in two at the loud comment. I gave her several small kisses and let her go with the girls. I watched her sexy ass walk away from me and so she could go and have some fun.

I headed out with the boys, we drank beers, we toured Alcatraz and we headed back to the hotel. I don't remember anything about the day at all. All I remember is missing Bella pressed against my side. I laughed, talked, and had fun but in my mind I was back in bed with Bella.

Alice texted us when we were about ten minutes away from the hotel to tell us that they were finished as well and wanted us to go to the beach to hang out. I thought that was a lovely idea. Bella in a bikini at the beach, hell yeah I was in for that plan.

I rushed up to the room to change into my board shorts, Bella was emerging from the bathroom in a beautiful tie dyed teal bikini. She looked beautiful. I couldn't stop myself from rushing over to hold her close to me. It had been four hours since I had seen her.

The trip to the spa must have been relaxing for her because she looked rested and rejuvenated. Her toes were painted a sexy shade of red and her hands had a nice clear polish, her hair had been trimmed slightly and was very shiny, and her skin glowed.

"Baby, you are beautiful. Did you have a good time?" I asked as my lips found her temple. Her hair smelled like coconut, not her usual strawberry but it smelled nice on her.

"Yes, it was very relaxing. How was your day?" She chuckled at the face I made.

"Long without you," I pouted.

I changed and we rushed down to meet the others.

The ocean was perfect. The day was so warm and the water was the right temperature. I held Bella close to me as we bobbed along in the ocean.

"So, uh…when do you think you'd want to get married?" I asked.

She simply shrugged her shoulders.

"You haven't thought about it? Don't girls have this planned from the time they turn like two or something?" I snuggled Bella against my chest so I could wrap my arms around her. She really was a small thing. I could wrap my arms all the way around her tiny waist.

"I guess some girls do, but I didn't. I never really put much stock in marriage with what my Mom and Dad went through. I never really thought I was that kind of girl." Her face clearly held doubts about marriage. I was suddenly filled with worries. Bella rushed to ease my concerns. "No, Edward, I mean before now. Before you, I doubted marriage. Not any more, I can't picture my life without you in it. I want this with you. You make me want marriage." She turned her face to kiss my cheek.

"Are you sure, angel? We don't have to rush into this; I'll wait as long as you want before we get married. It doesn't have to be soon. I just want to know that you want it as well, because, Bella, I won't lie I have always been that kind of guy." I turned her in my arms so that we could see each other. I needed her to understand that I was a one woman kind of guy. I would not ever tire of our life that we had, ever. I would not break her heart like she saw happen in her parent's marriage. "I wanted marriage and all that went along with it. I guess it's a difference in our upbringing. My parents had a perfect marriage and that made me want it. Yours had a bad marriage and divorced, that made you not want it. We need to break that cycle for you. I will make sure you have everything you ever want and more, I promise."

"I don't doubt you or us, Edward." She punctuated her statement with a kiss to my jaw. "So, have you thought about when you would like to get married then Mr. Cullen?"

"That's Mr. Masen-Cullen to you young lady. And yes, I have thought about it. In about six months I will be starting my second year of Residency. That year is a little harder as far as my duties go but I think with me being at Forks General that may not be so hard. I think if we wait till the summer then that will give us the possibility of an outdoor wedding. That is if you would like that sort of thing." I shrugged. I had really put much more thought into this whole thing than a normal guy ever would, but I wanted to be able to answer if Bella asked me. Good thing I had come prepared.

"So your saying that we should get married next summer, Edward, that is only about six months away. Do you think we can get everything together that soon?"

Alice and Jasper chased each other at the edge of the water. Jasper caught Alice and pulled her up into his arms. He carried her around threatening to drop her into the ocean, I couldn't help but chuckle at her. Alice was the only person to come to the ocean and expect to not get wet.

"Alice, can we get a wedding together in six months?" I yelled out to her. She immediately jumped straight out of Jasper's arms and rushed over to us. Some things were more important that her need to not get wet, the wedding obviously one of those.

"Oh my gosh, are you two really going to let me plan your wedding? Wait, did you say six months? That is not enough time to reserve any of the larger hotels in Port Angeles for the ceremony. Holy shit, I have tons to do." She was tapping the side of her head with her index finger. You could see her proverbial hamster running in its wheel inside her head. "Yeah, we can put together something in that amount of time."

"We can put up an archway in our front yard and have a beer cooler in the back for all I care. I just want to say the words to Edward and be done." Practical Bella was once again making her appearance, to Alice's dismay.

"Isabella Marie Swan, you shut your mouth. I will not have my name attached to anything of the kind. You will have a perfect wedding that will reflect exactly who you and Edward are as people." I started snorting at Alice's description, it sounded word for word out of a wedding brochure at one of the resorts. Hmmm, that got me thinking. Maybe I can take Bella to a resort and let them do all of the planning. I'll certainly discuss this with Alice at a later date.

"Alice, let's just enjoy our vacation and we'll sit down when we get back to Forks and talk all of this over. Okay?" I gave her a pointed glance over Bella's head that sent her the message to let it go for now.

"Oh, well okay then, we'll talk about it in Forks." She walked back to Jasper and jumped right back into his arms like no time had passed.

The perfect plan was forming in my mind, I just had to find a way to make it work out for Bella.

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**E/N: We are almost to the end of this little story, and I don't know how I feel about it! I am sad and happy all at the same time. Good news is that I already have a few chapters ready of my next story Truths, Lies & their Consequences. I will begin posting it the same week that I post the last chapter of Life Is Okay. **

**Till next week, all my love:)**

**bnjwl  
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	36. Chapter 36 Look At Me

**A/N:First thank you again to all of you readers! I see everyone of your names as you fav me or add me to author alert, and I love you all for it! I know I say this every time but I want you all to know I mean it! To all of you that review I big fat puffy heart you all too! Your words help me write it when I'm tired and don't want to! I swear I do a little dance every time I see the email that tells me that you have sent me a review, it never gets old:)**

**Now, on to the posse! EA- know I couldn't make it through a day without you. You are the best, thanks for your friendship, I mean it! To all of the new friends~les16, tahughes8675309 0r whatever the hell your number is, btrlyfongreyst41, medusianny- all of you mean so much to me! I can't believe we have only been friends for a week or so. I feel like you all have always been with me! I love you all so much, your help is the best and I enjoy helping you as well. Go Baby Peas In a Pod Brigage! **

**I'm posting this early because I'm going to be out of town this week. All week, without internet, can you imagine! What on earth will I do? LOL! With that said please understand if my chapter next week will be a little late getting to you, I don't know how much time I will have to write while I'm gone. I hope that I will have it done and no problems but if I don't, please don't be mad at me!  
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**Playlist:Look At Me-Carrie Underwood, I Love You- Martina McBride, I Could Not Ask For More-Sarah Evans, Rush, Rush-Paula Abdul, Loved Too Much-Ty Herndon, Open Doors, Open eyes-Corey Crowder, Love's Looking Good On You-Lady Antebellum, Walking On Sunshine- Aly & AJ

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I would bet my life, like I bet my heart  
That you were the one baby, I've never been so sure of anything before  
You're driving my heart crazy, I can't hold out  
I can't hold back now, like I've done before

Darlin', look at me, I've fallin' like a fool for you  
Darlin', can't you see, I'd do anything you want me to  
I tell myself, I'm in too deep  
Then I fall a little farther, every time you look at me

How do you do that babe?  
Make me feel like I'm the only girl alive for you  
I don't know what it is that makes me fall like this  
First time in your arms I knew the way you held me  
I knew that this could be what I've been waiting to find

Darlin', look at me, I've fallin' like a fool for you  
Darlin, can't you see, I'd do anything you want me to  
I tell myself, I'm in too deep  
Then I fall a little farther, every time you look at me

Every time you look at me

Carrie Underwood ~ Look At Me

**Chapter 36**

**Bella's POV**

It had been six months since Edward had proposed. Amazing how fast it went by, and I would have to say that if you asked me now, I would definitely say, that my life is okay. My job is wonderful, and I'm engaged to the man of my dreams. I just needed to get my ass in gear and plan this wedding. I knew that I didn't want a big production; I simply wanted to marry Edward. Every time I try to put together some plans Alice and Rosalie would 'help me' and it turns into this celebrity wedding fiasco. I want a simple dress, Edward in a tux and a little cake to feed each other. I don't need doves, and linens and shit.

Edward came to me a few days ago, his face looked crestfallen. He asked me why we still didn't have a date and plans. My heart broke seeing him so disappointed.

When I explained to him that I was so ready to marry him just not as ready to plan the ceremony and celebration that goes along with it, he then understood why we still hadn't moved forward with a date. He kissed me deeply and asked me to give him some time to figure out a plan. I nodded at him and watched his sexy ass as he walked away from me.

Sure enough a few days later he came back to me and laid out his plan. He had spoken with Alice and Rosalie, and they agreed to give me full responsibility for my dress, Edward's tux and the cake. All the rest of the wedding would be planned by them and I would have veto rights over whatever I didn't like. It sounded simple enough, but we would see if it actually worked out that way.

We set the date and I got busy searching for my wedding dress. Alice and Rosalie had lots of plans and were always busy. They promised to bring me all of the suggestions together at one time. Then we would go over it all idea by idea and keep what I liked. Afraid that they were going to completely overwhelm me, I wasn't looking forward to that little show but I did appreciate the help that they were giving me.

After searching online for what seemed like an endless amount of time, I found the perfect wedding dress for me. It was strapless with a beaded bodice. It would fit me like a glove and flared out just below my hips into a full skirt. The skirt was gathered in various places, the web site described it as a tufted overskirt. It had a moderate length train, nothing that would make me fall on my ass because I tripped over it. The web site suggested a simple floral headband that would be worn at the back of my head just above the simple twist in my hair. They both were exactly what I had imagined for myself. Nothing that was too overdone, but yet beautiful in their own right. I knew that the moment that I saw the dress, that it would make me feel like a princess when I wore it. Isn't that exactly what every woman should feel like, like she was the prettiest woman in the whole world for that one day? Of course it was and I wanted them both more than I thought I ever would. It actually surprised me the intensity I felt for these two simple items. I guess I was that girl after all, it was just buried way down deep inside and it took finding the right man, Edward, the love of my life to make me want those things.

Fueled on by my excitement over finally finding my dress I searched for Edward's tux. I wanted him to have a tux with a vest, exactly like the one he wore on the day he proposed. He looked so handsome that day. I wanted him to look exactly like that again on our wedding day. It must have been my lucky day because a few clicks later I found exactly what I was looking for. I immediately ordered Edward's size and decided to leave it up to him to find tux's for the guys to coordinate.

Now, on to my last task-to find a cake. I searched several sites and found one that I loved. It was four layers and simple in design. White icing with small lacelike designs around each layer, and the layers were separated by red ribbons. Each layer would have a small bouquet of flowers that would match my bouquet that I would carry. The third layer would have our initials and the top would be adorned with flowers. Again, simple yet still beautiful.

I couldn't carry out the over the top ideas that seemed so at home for Rosalie and Alice, but I was happy with my style and wanted my wedding day to reflect who I was.

Who we were? To me Edward was always about the simple, but he exuded an understated sexiness as well. He was never over the top but always managed to pull off the epitome of manliness and good looks.

I left our room and skipped down the stairs to inform everyone that I had accomplished all of my tasks in one afternoon. I felt the pride dripping off of me, take that wedding planners!

The guys were watching a basketball game and debating the value of the three point shot. I spoke as I stepped into the room, "I, myself, have always thought Larry Bird was incredibly sexy when he tossed up the perfect three pointer!" All eyes fell on me with their mouths hung wide open. Edward recovered first, his expression turning to one of pride and love all mixed into one.

"And there you have it my fiancé has just mimicked my exact stance on the situation. The strategy aside, the three point shot just looks so nice when it's well executed! So, what do you two have to say for yourselves now?" Edward tossed at them, his expression full of gloat and satisfaction. Emmett and Jasper were still in shock. Edward pulled me into his arms and gave me a sound kiss on my lips. He pulled back slightly and whispered, "I love you more every day."

"Would you love me more if I told you that I found your tux, my dress and the wedding cake? All in one simple search on the internet?" I teased.

His eyes lit up and he leaned down to kiss me again. "Let's see what you chose." He led me over to the couch. I opened the laptop again and logged on.

I clicked on the picture of his tux. "What do you think? I wanted you to have a vest just like you wore when you asked me to marry you. You looked so good so I tried to find the closest thing to that. I ordered it and it will be here in a week. You will have to take Emmett, Jasper and Carlisle to find tuxes to match it for them. Think you can pull that off?" I asked as he sat staring at the laptop.

"Bella this is perfect. I love it. I wouldn't have chosen any differently for myself. I'm sure we can find something for the other guys. Do you want them to wear a vest as well?" He asked.

My brows furrowed in contemplation as I thought about it. "Is it okay if I say no? I only want you in a vest." I couldn't explain the reason very well but I just wanted him to be perfect for me and not like anyone else on our day.

"Then no vests for them. This is our day and if that is what you want then that is what you'll get. Besides, they don't pull it off as well as I can." He punched Emmett in the shoulder as he made his smart ass comment.

"Yeah, you wish. You know your punk ass would so be put to shame if I showed up ricking the vest. Wise choice, Bella, I don't want to show your boy up on his big day and all. Let's see this tux." Emmett moved over and pulled the laptop towards him a little. He whistled, "Damn Bella you made a great choice that shit is hot. I'm a little jealous now." Jasper sat on the arm of the couch so that he could see as well.

"I would have made his ass wear tails and shit. He would look like a little circus performer." Jasper's eyes showed the laughter that his body held inside. Edward reached behind me and around Emmett to try to punch Jasper. It fell short which only made Jasper break out into a full on laugh.

Alice and Rosalie came into the room to see what all the commotion was about. "Hey, I'm glad you two are here. I did it!" I squealed.

"What prey tell dear Bella, did you do?" Alice asked.

"I found Edward's tux, the wedding cake and…my dress." Alice reached over and snatched the laptop away from my lap before I could even move to stop her.

"Isabella Marie Swan, do you not hold any traditions sacred? Why the hell are you showing Edward your dress for?" She turned the laptop so that she could see the screen and realized that we were looking at the tux instead of my dress.

"Oh, sorry." She had the decency to look sheepish at her mistake. "Wait, I really like that. Edward will look so good in that," she paused for a minute and I swear I could see the little light bulb go off in her head as she said, "Oooooh I get it, he'll look like he did the day that he proposed." She hopped around making me real nervous since she had my laptop on her hands. The guys just exchanged a 'how do they remember shit like that' look. Rose simply smiled and nodded her head at my choice.

"Okay, Wedding Gestapo, would you like to see the cake as well?" Everyone chuckled. We all attempted to pile on to the sofa so that I could share. Jasper and Edward finally gave up and move around to the back to look over our shoulders. I pulled up the picture careful that the dress wouldn't show in the back ground.

Alice and Rosalie just exchanged a knowing look. The guys made an appropriate comment and moved on. I turned to look at Edward. He returned my look with a slight hint of a smile on his face.

"What do you think?" I was so nervous to get his reaction. I wanted him to like it.

"It's perfect for us, simple, yet beautiful, it is understated elegance at its finest." I leaned in to kiss him. How I had ever met a man who was such a perfect complement to me I will never know.

"Thank you! That is exactly what I thought when I saw it." I turned towards Alice and Rosalie. "Now, how does this fit into your plan for the wedding?" I ask the two of them. They both just nodded like little bobble head dolls.

"It's perfect, absolutely perfect."

They're reactions mimicked each other, and I get the odd sense that something was off here. I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was that was off but I made it a point to find out.

Edward immediately swooped in and pulled me close to him, kissing any confusion away that must have shown on my face. He only pulled away when I was totally breathless and my brain was empty except for thoughts of him.

Alice and Rosalie shooed Edward from the room since all that was left to see was my dress. I showed them both and they squealed like little pigs, as they ooohed and aaahed in appropriate amounts. Each of them pointed out characteristics of the dress that would accentuate my body. I knew nothing about that; I simply knew that I loved it. I couldn't imagine myself wearing anything else on my wedding day. I placed an order and held in the giddy feelings that swept over me as I realized that I was going to marry Edward. I also couldn't believe how simple it had been to pick the few items that I was in charge of. It may have taken a little bit of time on the internet, but I had found exactly what I wanted. It sure beat having to be carted off to every store under the sun by the two Wedding Gestapo, otherwise known as Alice and Rose.

I made one final call to the bakery that Esme had recommended to me and once I got their email address, I emailed her the picture of the cake and made an appointment for the following week to stop by to see her in person after she had time to look over the picture of what I wanted. I shut the laptop and walked out of the dining room, feeling the high of getting those things done.

A week later, Edward and I met with the Erin to discuss our wedding cake. She had received my email picture and saw no problem with making that exact cake for us. She agreed to wait to discuss the flowers with Alice and Rosalie, so that the cake would coordinate with the other wedding flowers. We paid our deposit and discussed the date.

Once we were finished at the bakery, we took Edward's tux to the tailors for it to be altered for him. I left him there and walked through a book store right next door.

I browsed the shelves and stopped to look at several books. There in front of me in the cookbook section was a couple holding hands. Both were old, like in their ninety's old, gray hair, no teeth, blind as a bat old. But they still held hands and called each other dear and honey. They still looked at each other with so much love in their eyes. As tears sprang to my eyes, I couldn't help but send up a small prayer that Edward and I had that kind of love when we reached their age. I stood holding my hand over my heart trying to compose myself when Edward found me.

"Bella? What's wrong angel?" His eyes searching me over and when he found nothing wrong he began to look around the store to find the cause of my distress. I quickly pointed to the older couple. He looked from me to them and back to me. Confusion was clearly showing on his face. I smiled, not even sure how to explain my mini breakdown for no real reason. I took his hand and smiled at him. His eyes relaxed but still held a small amount of panic.

"I'm sorry, I'm just being overly sentimental that's all. I was walking down the aisle and saw the couple there." I motioned with my hand back to the couple. Edward turned to look at them again. The now held each other in their arms and he was kissing her temple, the same action that Edward had performed time and time against the same spot on me. We each smiled at the tender action. "I couldn't help but pray that we feel the same amount of love at their age that they do. It was so sweet to see them still so in love." My eyes filled again as I played with Edward's fingers. I was too embarrassed to look him in the eye.

"Aw, baby, come here." He pulled me into his arms without the smallest hint of a smirk, laugh or even humor at my emotional outpouring. "I _will_ always love you this much. In fact, it gets bigger every day. I'll always hold you; I need you just as much as you need me. You don't understand, Bella, this is me and you. Right now we have all the rest of the family, and that is great, but one day it will only be you and me. I'm going to love you until my last breath, never doubt that. I swear it!" Tenderness filled his voice and I swear I felt a tear fall silently into my hair. Edward held me against him until I had composed myself and we browsed the bookstore. Both of us found a few items that we wanted to purchase. Edward bought me a cookbook for Thai cuisine, he had tried a Thai restaurant in Seattle and loved it, so we both wanted to try more dishes, hence the cookbook. I bought Edward the newest medical mystery by the author that he loved. I chuckled as he paid. Already we are an old married couple. I bought for him and he bought for me.

As we walked back to my car, my phone rang.

"Hey Nes, what's up?" I mouthed 'sorry' to Edward, and he scrunched up his face to indicate he wasn't put out at all.

"No, I'm not busy. Edward and I were just finishing up at the book store." She began speaking before I barely finished my sentence.

"Can you come over? I need to talk to you." She muttered into the phone. I could hear the tears in her voice. I was afraid that I wasn't the most emotionally stable person to help her right now. I needed Alice and Rosalie for back up. I was glad that we had all developed a close friendship, Nessie fit in like she belonged to the family as well.

"Yeah, let me grab us some Chinese food and call Rose and Alice. I'll be there in twenty minutes, okay?"

"Thanks, Bella, see you then." I gave a small sigh and dialed Alice.

"Alice, we got a Chinese emergency on our hands. Grab Rose and meet me at Jake's in twenty. Nessie just called me close to tears and said she needed to talk." I rattled off to her.

"See you there." Alice responded and disconnected the call.

I turned to face Edward to apologize; he had his phone up to his ear. "I need to place a to-go order please." He turned to me and asked, "What do you want me to get you?" I don't think I could have loved him anymore than I did in that exact moment. He was so patient and understanding.

"Uhm… two orders of Pot Stickers, one Crab Rangoon, two orders of Spring Rolls, Shrimp Lo Mein, Beef and Broccoli, General Tso's chicken, and Mongolian Beef. That should do it for us. Do you want something?" He shook his head at me and placed the whopping order I just rattled off to him.

Twenty minutes later we pulled up in front of Jake's condo, Chinese food and a large bottle of Tequila in tow. We met Alice and Rosalie on the steps on the way up. Edward handed off the food and turned to leave. I pulled him back to me and pressed my lips to his. I was two steps above him so this put us at the right height to not have to strain either of our necks to really put some feeling into the kiss.

"Thank you, baby. I appreciate this so much. I know she wouldn't call if she didn't really need someone to talk to." I knew I didn't need to but tried to make him understand anyway. He kissed my lips again to stop me.

"It's okay. You go have your girl time and I will come pick you up when you're ready. I mean it I don't want any of you driving after all that Tequila you just took into that condo. None of you!" He tried to sound harsh but he failed miserably.

"Yes, sir. I saluted him. "You aren't even upset?" I asked.

"Nah, I have been spending a lot of time with you lately. It will do you good to go and have some fun with the girls. Help Nessie fix her problems and then get real drunk. Call me when you're ready to come home and I will come and get you. Then our night will begin." He raised his eyebrows to me.

"Oh, so now I see why you're so willing to let me go without the smallest protest. You've got ulterior motives." I leaned towards him to kiss the end of nose. "Thank you for understanding."

Alice opened the door and yelled for me to get my ass moving. Edward chuckled, "Yeah, Bella, get your ass moving." I turned to walk away and he slapped my ass. I turned back at him to give him hell but I couldn't when I saw his beautiful face lit up with the most perfect smirk draped all across it. I could only roll my eyes and walk back towards the door that Alice still held open for me.

When I walked in the food was spread across the coffee table and the tequila's seal had already been broken. We filled our plates and settled into a comfortable position.

"Alright, girl, you called this meeting. Tell us what happened." I asked around mouthfuls of Shrimp Lo Mein.

Nessie dropped her plate down onto the coffee table with a splat of her Mongolian Beef and began to cry. "I think Jake wants to break up with me." And her tears began to fall in earnest with her confession.

Food was forgotten for sure, this was an emergency for sure.

"Why do you think that, Nes?" Rosalie rubbed her leg as she asked.

"Well, he's doing fine now. He doesn't need me at all; in fact next week I will start a new assignment across town. He's real distant. He doesn't cuddle in bed anymore, he sleeps on his side. We hardly talk at all. And I mean I have tried to engage him in conversation. He just doesn't talk back." She wiped the tears away from her beautiful brown eyes. "I just don't know what I did to make him not love me anymore. I didn't commit any of the dating suicide crimes. I gave him space, I swear I did." She looked around the room at each of us. Hoping we had the answers for her.

"Have you asked him about the distance between you two?" I asked gently, trying not to condemn cause lord knows I had no room to point any fingers at anyone.

"Well, no. I mean, I want to but I'm too afraid that he will tell me it's over. I thought he was my mate, my one true love. My people believe that you will find the one and know without a doubt that he was it for you. I felt that with Jacob, I did." She trailed off.

"Nes, listen. I made Edward and I suffer for two and a half weeks because I was too stupid to ask him what was going on. I assumed, and well we all know how that turned out for us." I chuckled trying to lighten the mood. "Honey, please don't make the same mistake I did. Ask him. It won't change his answer if you get it now or if you wait for another week. Just ask him. You will know and can decide what to do once you know." I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I fished it out and realized there was a text from Edward.

**B~**

**We found Jake at the pool hall, he's pretty drunk.**

**Not sure what's wrong yet. We will bring him home a little later when he is ready.**

**Love you! Always!**

**E~**

I saw Alice and Rosalie watching me, I shook my head at them, hoping that they would know not to ask about the text. I typed out a quick response to Edward.

**E~**

**Thanks, Nessie's a mess, she thinks Jake's gonna break up with her.**

**I'll let you know when you can bring him home. Sorry.**

**Love you always too!**

**B~**

We ate, talked and drank freely. Over the course of the next couple of hours, each of us offered Nessie as much sage advice as we could. At least until we were all ready to fall over drunk. I called Edward and asked him to bring Jacob home and pick us up. We tucked Nessie into bed in the guest room and waited for Edward at the front door. It took all four of us to get Jake in bed with his shoes off. We would let them sleep it off and hope they had the good sense to work it out in the morning.

Emmett and Jasper waited for Alice and Rosalie in Rose's BMW that she drove over here. I followed Edward back to the Volvo. He looked like the cat that ate the canary the whole ride back to our house. I wanted to smack him, but I was too tired to do anything except lean on his shoulder.

"I love you, I'm sorry our afternoon and evening got ruined." I said as I looked up at him through my eyelashes.

"Don't worry about it, Bella, they would have dropped anything for us. So I figured we owed them that much to return the favor." He shrugged and my head slid off of his shoulder. He laughed as I picked my head up and placed it back against his shoulder. "I guess I better carry you up the stairs and tuck you in bed, little one." He chuckled again.

"Sorry, I think I forgot to stop drinking." I was sort of confused, I wasn't really sure when I supposed to stop anyway.

"Don't worry, it will all be better tomorrow, I promise." He kissed my head.

I don't remember anything after that.

I awoke the next morning with my head pounding and light shining in my eyes. I turned to bury my face into Edward's chest but he wasn't there. I reached across the bed until I got to the far side and Edward wasn't in the bed at all. In fact he wasn't anywhere in our room. I stumbled to the bathroom almost falling twice but I made it without any major damage to my body. Edward opened the bedroom door and came in carrying a tray with an envelope, juice, water, aspirin, and some French toast. I did love this man so much. I kissed his arm as I went by and fell back into bed.

"Come here, baby, let me give you these aspirin. They will help you feel better." I took the aspirin and popped them into my mouth and swallowed as much of the water as I could, then drank about half of the orange juice as well.

"I need to check on Nessie." I fumbled for the phone to call her. Edward repositioned himself on the bed. He settled down at the foot of the bed with the tray of food. He still had the same look as last night and I couldn't figure out why.

"Nes…" I didn't even get out her full name when she shrieked on the phone. Shrieked at me! I pulled the phone away from my ear and made to jump off of the bed. Edward's long arm reached out and stopped me. He kissed my forehead and murmured 'wait' against my skin.

"Nessie, what the hell? Are you hurt?" I screamed at her. Alice came running into the room and flopped on the bed beside me. Her eyes searched mine for an answer that I didn't have yet. I shrugged at her.

"Bella! I'm getting married!" Nessie shouted. I could hear Jacob in the back ground whooping around as well. This obviously was not a turn on events that any of us expected. Alice looked just as shocked, Edward, however, looked very in the know.

"Nessie, so go back to the beginning and tell me everything." I asked slowly. Alice flipped her phone out of the pocket of her robe and dialed. She held up a finger to me.

"Rose, get in here Nessie has news." I heard scurrying from the Rosalie and Emmett's bedroom.

"Hold on Nessie, wait for Rose." I pressed the speakerphone button as Rosalie settled down on the bed on my vacant side.

"What did I miss?"

"Nothing, go ahead Nessie, she's here." I said, laying the phone down in my lap so that we could all hear her full description.

"When I woke up this morning, I was sleeping beside Jake in the guest room. I turned over to hit him and yell at him for breaking my heart and noticed the beautiful ring he had placed on the third finger of my left hand. He dropped down on one knee and told me he was sorry for making the last two weeks hard on me. He was just sacred to ask me, he was scared that I would say no. So I proceeded to tell him yes and here we are!"

We talked for a few more minutes and promised to get together soon as we hung up. Alice and Rosalie both looked appropriately amounts of shocked and happy for our friend as they left the room.

"Alright, spill it. You've looked like the cat that ate the canary since last night, did you know about this?" I asked, highly suspicious.

He held up his hands in surrender. "Not right away, when we found Jacob at the pool hall, he wouldn't talk to us. He just kept muttering to himself. Eventually, Emmett and Jasper gave up and went to play pool. He turned to me and showed me the ring. He said he was scared to death she was going to say no. I showed him the text from you and he broke down. He felt so bad for hurting her he almost came home right then. We talked him into going to grab a bite to eat and sobering up before he went home. We knew that you all were drinking and I didn't want two drunks in one room yelling about two different problems and not solving anything. So, when we took him home I had him play drunk so that none of you would know. He snuck into her bed and put the ring on her hand and went to sleep. Then he waited for her to see it when she woke up. She almost cold cocked him before she saw it. And the rest is history." He shrugged.

"You knew and you didn't tell me? You are so evil! I knew you were up to something but I was too drunk to do anything about it last night. Don't you ever pull something like this again on me, I mean it," I shrieked at him.

"Then I guess I should give you this right away then." He looked all kinds of smug again. If he wasn't so beautiful I would have hit him.

I took the envelope and froze when I saw the return address. It was from Seattle, more specifically the lawyer's office in Seattle. I ripped it open and pulled out another envelope. Daniel's neat script was waiting for me on this envelope.

_Congratulations Bella, I wish you and Edward all the happiness in the world with your upcoming wedding._

_Daniel_

I froze, not prepared at all for what was in this inner envelope at all. I looked at Edward, he again looked like he knew what was coming.

"Just open it, Bella, let him tell you in his own words." He encouraged me.

I ripped the envelope open and pulled out the letter;(,) it was the same stationary, same penmanship as before. It was from Charlie.

_Dearest Bells, _

_This letter should be coming to you because you're engaged to be married. First let me say how proud I am of you. You're a remarkable young woman and I know this wasn't a decision made lightly. I know you spent some time thinking about this man and your future. I don't doubt that I would have approved at all, not for a moment, I know you wouldn't settle on anyone less than the best. You would never bring home anyone that I would never approve of for them to ask me if they may marry my only daughter. Tell him that I'm sorry that I didn't get to know him, to be his father in law, to give him advice on how to get out of trouble when he was in the dog house with you. I'm sorry that I couldn't be there to walk you down the aisle and watch you become the woman that he will marry. _

_Never for one minute doubt my love for you, Bella. Never. And please don't let your mother and me be an example of a marriage or life afterwards for you. You pattern yourself after Carlisle and Esme, I know that what they share is true love. _

_Live your life to the fullest and enjoy each other for every second you have together. That is a true measure of a man or a woman, how they enjoy the simple things with the ones they love. _

_I will be with you on your special day, I promise. I will shine down on you and watch with pride as my beautiful daughter marries the love of her life. _

_I love you!_

_Dad_

Edward held me while I cried. I folded the letter up and held it to my heart and let the tears flow. Charlie never was a man of many words but he always knew exactly which ones to say to strike right at the heart of the problem and tell you exactly how he felt. I had never loved him more than I did right now. I would cherish these letters for the rest of my life.

"He said he knew that I would pick the right one for my husband and that he was sorry that he couldn't be here to get to know you." I couldn't help but chuckle at his next comment. "He said that he was sorry he wasn't going to be there to help you get out of the dog house when you get in trouble with me." Edward erupted in a laugh and I followed suit. I turned my head so that I could see his face. "He would approve of you, you know that right." Edward's eyes filled with unshed tears as he nodded his head.

Alice burst through the bedroom door again with her laptop and Rosalie in tow.

"Break it up you two, get a room!"

"We are in our room Alice, you get out if you don't want to see it." I chuckled.

"Bella, can we show you the wedding details now?" She looked ready to bounce right out of her skin. I nodded.

I settled in Edward's arms better so that we both could see and wait while Alice pulled up slide after slide on her computer of pictures and examples of important details. She had about a hundred slides. I'm so glad that I simply went with my three details alone to figure out.

When the slide show was done, Alice flipped the laptop closed and sat up straight, "What do you think?"

"I love it all, every single detail. Thank you both for doing all of this, I really appreciate all of it. You know how overwhelmed I get with too many details to figure out; I don't know what I would do without you at all." My body was nearing emotional overload from the constant barrage of stimulus. They both now wore the look that I saw a few minutes ago on Edward's face. I turned to look at him and he simply shrugged. Someone knew something and they weren't telling me.

Alice clapped and Rosalie looked quite happy herself.

"So?" Alice asked but directed it straight to Edward.

"Okay, let's do it." All three of them broke out into large smiles and a flurry of activity began to take place.

Edward was on the phone calling people, he would say the same few words to all of them and hang up. He simply said, "It's time."

Alice was throwing clothes at me and telling me to get dressed, while Rosalie was dragging suitcases out of Edward's closet. She was telling Edward what was not packed and what he needed to take care of. Alice was in our bathroom packing up toiletries for us. I sat immobile in the middle of our bed just simply watching all the activity happen. Just them Emmett rushed by the door yelling, "It's finally fucking time." Jasper ran by just as quickly, hollering as well, "It's time!" Within a matter of minutes we were dressed, standing at the front door with way too many suitcases when Carlisle and Esme's Suburban pulled up out front. Edward pushed me into the seat in the back as everyone packed the suitcases in the back as best as they could.

"Would someone please tell me what the hell is going on?" I yelled, all activity stopped for a fraction of a second.

"We don't have time Bella, I promise to tell you as soon as we are on the road." Edward coaxed.

And all activity resumed.

Soon we were all packed into the Suburban with all of our luggage and on the road. I turned to look at Edward and he cleared his throat.

"Well, Bella for the last few months I have waited patiently for you to make some wedding plans. And you didn't make any." I tried to interrupt him but he held up a hand so I shut my mouth and let him continue. "I know why you didn't and that is fine. And I wanted to do something special for you, something that would keep all of the details off of your head. So, under the guise of having Alice and Rosalie plan our wedding behind the scenes, I have planned it for you. I planned every detail except for the three that you chose. Now, we are flying off to get married. Your dress, my tux and the cake will be there waiting for us. All they need is us." My mouth fell open in shock somewhere in the middle of the speech.

"Really?" Was all I could ask Edward.

"Really, everyone that we love is going to meet us there and we are going to have a wonderful time, so relax and enjoy the flight." He kissed my temple and pulled me closer to him.

"Okay." I settled in know that he was taking care of everything for me and I had nothing to worry about.


	37. Chapter 37 At Last

**A/N: First of all thank you all for letting me slide when I was late posting this, you have no idea how long overdue that vacation was! **

**This chapter makes me so sad, you see it is the last full chapter...I know, I know. Now don't cry- if you cry, I'll cry- I do have an epi for it, so you get one more chance to see some Edward and Bella love after this:) See now we all feel better. **

**As always I give my love to all of you, I am so proud of the friends I have made through this spectacular fandom and this little story. You all mean so much to me, more than I could ever express. **

**The bold, italicized paragraphs are flashbacks, I'm sure you knew this but just in case. Didn't want to assume, you know what that makes ya.  
**

**I have a little bit of goodness for you at the end of this chapter, and I hope you will like it:)**

**Playlist:At Last-Celine Dion or any of the other nine million people that have recorded this wonderful song, I'll Be(Acoustic Version)-Edwin McCain, Truly-Lionel Richie, I Melt-Rascal Flatts, I Do (Cherish You)- 98 degrees or I prefer Mark Wills**

* * *

At last my love has come along, my lonely days are over, and life is like a song

Oh, yeah, yeah, at last,

The skies above are blue, my heart was wrapped up in clover, the night I looked at you

I found a dream that I could speak to, a dream that I could call my own

I found a thrill to press my cheek to, a thrill that I have never known

You smile, you smile, oh and then a spell was cast

And here we are in heaven, for you are mine at last

I found a dream that I could speak to, a dream that I could call my own

I found a thrill to press my cheek to, a thrill that I have never known

You smile, you smile, oh and then a spell was cast

And here we are in heaven, for you are mine at last

At Last

Celine Dion~ At Last

**Chapter 37- At Last**

**Edward's POV**

I watched Bella sleep, her face was so peaceful. My heart swelled just from watching her. She was so beautiful all the time but there was something about her in her sleep that made her seem almost angelic. I thought back to that day when I returned to Forks and saw her again. I knew shortly after I walked out onto the front porch of the house and saw her standing there that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. At that moment everything seemed to make sense to me, all the doubt was removed and I knew. I just knew what I wanted for my life, I wanted her.

My eyes glanced to her left hand that was resting on her lap, above the blanket she had wrapped around her. I hoped it was because she wanted to show off the wedding ring I had placed on her hand not six hours before. That she wanted to show it off as much as she could, even when she was sleeping.

I leaned back against the headrest and closed my eyes. Once again I relived the week we had just shared, in my mind.

_**The look on Bella's face when we landed in Australia was indescribable. I had Alice to thank for that little tidbit of information. Bella told Alice years ago about a list of places she wanted to go and Australia was at the top, followed by Fiji. So, naturally that was the location that I wanted to get married in. I wanted Bella to have her every wish granted. **_

_**I can't count the times that Emmett officially pronounced me a pussy for planning the wedding for Bella. I knew the day meant something to Bella but the details did not. Besides it was fun trying to make sure that I got everything right. Each time her eyes lit up, that would be my thank you, and make any shit that Emmett or anyone else gave me all worthwhile. Truthfully, the resort really handled most of the details. I simply gave them my preferences and they made it happen. **_

_**I couldn't wait for Bella to see the castle where our ceremony and reception would take place. It sat up on a hill overlooking what appeared to be half of Australia. The view was simply amazing; it could be seen from the small chapel where we would say our vows. We would have some pictures in the chapel and some on the grounds of the castle, and then we would move across the courtyard to the reception. It was a smaller room with beautiful green walls and an entire wall of windows that would allow us to gaze out over the view from this side of the castle. We would have a sit down dinner since I knew that Bella would be too nervous to eat before, and I wanted to make sure that she would get a good dinner. I picked all of her favorites to insure that she would be happy. Everything about this day was to make sure she was happy. **_

_**Okay so fine, maybe I was a big pussy but I couldn't help it, Bella had me gut hooked. And I loved every minute of it. **_

_**None of us had been to Australia before so we spent the week sightseeing and finalizing the wedding plans. I made sure Bella saw all the places that she wanted- Sydney Opera House, the aquarium at Darling Harbour, the zoo, The Blue Mountains, The Great Barrier Reef, Ayers Rock, The Twelve Apostles, and my favorite the cable car over the rainforest. Not to mention the shopping that Alice managed to cram into our time as well. I think she could find places to shop at the North Pole. **_

_**I kept Bella so busy that she had little time to focus on why we were there. I didn't want her stressed out. The three things she said she wanted to take care of were done and that meant her part of the**__**wedding**__**was covered.**_

When Bella shifted in her seat I reached to pull the blanket back up over her body. Her smile grew as I brushed the back of my fingers across her cheeks. It thrilled me that I could bring her joy even in her sleep. I would never get tired of looking at her beautiful face. I don't think I will ever see a sight that will rival the look she had on her face as Carlisle walked her down the aisle.

_**I was dressed and pacing around the room. I was so worried about how Bella was feeling. My mom, and both Alice and Rosalie tried to reassure me that she was fine. She had a small case of the nerves but nothing out of the ordinary. Bella sent me a note early on in the day to tell me that she loved me and was happy that this day was finally here. I guess I was the one that needed to reign in my nerves; she seemed to have a handle on hers. **_

_**A small knock echoed in the room and Emmett rushed forward to answer it. Renee stood across the threshold of the room looking at me. Emmett and Jasper stepped out of the room and left us to talk in private. **_

"_**Edward, I know you probably already know this but I think Charlie would be so happy to know that you were marrying Bella. He always liked you." She dabbed a few stray tears before they had a chance to run down her cheeks. I reached for her hand to offer her some comfort. **_

"_**Thank you, Renee. That means the world to me. I was kinda fond of him myself. He was a great guy and he taught me a lot more than he ever knew. I'm real sorry that he isn't here today to walk Bella down the aisle, though. That is my one regret for today." I realized that I had tears collecting in my eyes as well. I cleared my throat as Renee nodded while she stared off into space. I knew that she was remembering a happier time that probably included her, Charlie and Bella together. I waited patiently for her to collect her thoughts and return back to me. **_

_**I pulled the envelope out of the breast pocket of my jacket. I wanted Bella to have the envelope from Charlie; it was up to her when she would read it. Renee sensed my movement and her eyes took on a sad expression when she saw the envelope. She obviously knew what it contained. **_

"_**Would you take this to Bella? I want her to have it now so she can read it whenever she wants. Just in case she wants to read it before she goes down the aisle, I wanted her to get it now." I was struck with a case of Bella's verbal diarrhea. The anxiety was coming to the surface. My throat suddenly closed in on itself at the thought of her reading it without me there. I didn't want her to feel any pain when I couldn't comfort her. **_

"_**Sure Edward, I would be glad to take it to her. You look handsome by the way." She patted my lapel down on my jacket, her hand coming to rest on my chest. I was touched by her motherly affection. I knew that Bella and Renee were working very hard to make sure that they rebuilt their relationship after all of the miscommunication between the two of them over the years. I hoped that it continued, after all I was a Momma's Boy. I had two great mothers and knew the benefit of having a great relationship with your mother; she was an invaluable person to have in your corner. "I know you two are going to be fine, but treat her good for me, okay?"**_

"_**You don't even have to ask, my only goal in life is to take care of her and make her happy every day. I promise." I took her hand and kissed the back of her knuckles. I appreciated that she gave me the best gift of my life, Bella. **_

_**A few minutes later Emmett and Jasper rejoined me. Emmett brought a message from Bella. She wanted me to know that she wanted to wait for me to read the letter. She hoped that I was okay with that. How well she knew me, I was more than okay to wait to read it with her. **_

_**The organist started playing and that was my cue to make my way to the front of the aisle. We had rehearsed yesterday evening, so that Bella and I both would know what to say and when to say it. As much as I wanted to write my own vows, I didn't feel it was fair to spring it on Bella like that. And to ask her would give away my secret about the wedding. So, I was just going to say the traditional wedding vows that millions of people before us had recited. What Bella didn't know was that I had a small surprise for her at the reception. Another tiny detail I had kept hidden up my sleeve. **_

_**Carlisle was beaming, looking like the proud father he was. I guess in so many ways he had been Bella's surrogate father as well. She had been friends with Alice and Rosalie for so long that she spent as much time at our house as she did at hers, and then, when Charlie died, Carlisle was the one she turned to for fatherly advice. So, it makes sense for him to feel as much pride at the fact that we were getting married as any other father would. In fact he was probably even more proud.**_

_**Thinking Charlie's name made me realize that Bella could have some regrets about this day. She could be missing him and the fact that he wasn't here to walk her down the aisle. **_

_**I started with her feet, and slowly allowed my gaze to sweep up her body taking in each part before moving on. Her slim hips were encased in the beautiful wedding gown she had chosen. It fit her like a glove, accentuating her sexiness with grace and class. I knew what was underneath that gown and it made me want her even more that she didn't flaunt it for the world to see. She kept it hidden and only allowed me to see and feel her. **_

_**My eyes moved slowly up to the exposed skin above her dress and I realized that she wore my mother's necklace. I brought it with me and asked Alice to show it to her. I wanted her to wear it but didn't want to put any pressure on her to do so. It seemed only fitting to have my real parents here with me, even if they were only represented in a piece of jewelry. The necklace was my father's wedding present to my mother and I loved the pictures of her wearing it. Her face seemed to light up from the inside, her joy evident on that day. **_

_**When I finally met Bella's eyes, her joy was just as evident. Her face was radiant, her eyes sparkled from the few tears that had gathered at the corners of her eyes. The regret that I was worried about was nowhere to be found. The only emotions that were present were love, joy, happiness, and anticipation. I was glad to see that she was as sure about this as I was. Once our eyes met, I couldn't pull them away from her for any amount of money in the world. She held my every thought and every breath was for her. She was truly my everything. **_

_**The ceremony seemed to go by in a blur, and for the life of me I can't remember anything we said or did. I could only focus on Bella. I know that I said the words that the minister asked me to repeat, and I know that Bella's voice was clear and definitive when she repeated the words when it was her turn. Before I knew it, the ceremony was over and I could kiss my bride. My bride. My wife. My heart swelled with so much emotion that I seriously worried that it would burst open. **_

_**I pulled Bella into my arms and looked deep in her eyes. A few small tears had escaped her eyes, joyful tears. I reached up with my thumb and brushed them away. "Do you have any idea how happy you have made me today?" My own voice betrayed me, it sounded thick and unused. **_

_**Bella didn't respond with words, she simply shook her head, as her smile widened. **_

"_**I can't even put it into words. Nothing will ever compete with today, never. This will always be at the top of my top ten best days ever. I love you." I slowly lowered my mouth to hers and kissed her lips gently. Her arms wrapped around my waist as I held her face between my hands. Our kiss was chaste and gentle but for the life of me I couldn't pull away from her lips. I wanted to stay right there with her forever. **_

_**When Bella pulled away from me I thought of a quote that I had read somewhere. "Sometimes your nearness takes my breath away and all the things I want to say can find no voice. Then in silence, I can only hope, my eyes will speak my heart." Her eyes misted again. "I don't know where or when I read that but it describes me at this moment in time. I love you, Mrs. Masen-Cullen." My joy escaped out in the form of a chuckle. **_

"_**I love you more, Mr. Masen-Cullen." When someone cleared their throat, I realized that we were still standing before our family and friends. We were still in the exact spot where we had been proclaimed husband and wife. We were sharing our moment without a care in the world or that anyone else was watching. **_

_**Bella stepped away and reached for her flowers from Alice, and the minister gave a nod. His clear voice proclaiming, "I now present to you Mr. and Mrs. Edward Masen-Cullen." Bella and I left the altar and made our way down the aisle. **_

I was jarred from my memories as the pilot came on the overhead speaker to announce that we were preparing for landing and to fasten our seat belts. I shook off the memories without any remorse. I knew these particular memories I would visit quite often during my lifetime. I would cherish them forever.

I gently shook Bella to rouse her enough so that I could fasten her seatbelt back around her. She opened her sleepy eyes briefly. I kissed her forehead and snapped the belt over her slim hips, lingering just long enough to touch her skin that peeked at me from the top of her pants. I couldn't wait to get Bella to our villa so that I could touch her in any way I wanted. She was absolutely bewitching to me and I could never get my fill of her.

We landed and I managed to get Bella off of the plane, and get our luggage. The resort had sent a car to pick us up since we were arriving so late in the evening. We both settled in the limo and prepared for our drive across the island. I began to hum the only song that my mind would pull out of its memory bank. The song I sang for her at the reception.

_**We took tons of pictures. However, I didn't mind, I wanted this day preserved for us to look back on in a tangible form. I wanted Bella to know how beautiful she was today. After the pictures, we did all of the normal reception things. We ate cake, we threw the garter and bouquet. Surprisingly, Jake and Nessie caught both of those; guess that was a no brainer that they would be the next couple to marry, especially since he had already proposed to her. We danced our first dance together, to At Last. The words of the song perfectly described us and even though it was used over and over again in weddings, we wanted it. Bella did the Father-Daughter dance with Carlisle. He held her close and talked to her throughout the whole song. It broke his heart to have to stand in for Charlie. Not that he didn't love her like his daughter, but he knew that her heart hurt that she didn't have her father with her today. I danced with Esme and Renee both, each offering me their advice for being a good husband. I laughed with both of them because they told me the exact same thing. 'Put the seat down and know when to say I'm wrong and I'm sorry.'**_

_**Then I heard the saxophone from the band begin to play. I pulled out of Esme's arms and went to take my place. This was my surprise to Bella. I took the guitar that the band leader held out for me and began to strum along with the saxophone. "Bella, I wanted to write my vows to you for today, I wanted to tell you in my words how much you meant to me. But in order to do that, I had to tell you and allow you the chance to write yours. That would have given away my secret so I went with the words that so many others before us have said." I glanced down, breaking our gaze. The emotion in her eyes was too intense and I would never be able to get through this if I didn't look away, even if it was for a second. When I looked back up to meet her gaze, the emotion had softened just enough to allow me to continue. "When we were younger Jasper learned to play the guitar and he practiced this particular song over and over and over again. At the time it was about to kill me, I wanted to break his guitar over his head and break his fingers so he couldn't play…ever again!" Everyone chuckled at this, especially Carlisle. He remembered my frustration at Jasper. But he reminded me how everyone was patient when I learned to play guitar or when I played the 'hoity toity shit' that Emmett didn't like on the piano. "But now, I'm thankful that he learned that song because at the same time we all learned to play it as well. I never knew that I would need to use it, but I think it fits us perfectly. So this, my beautiful Bella is for you. And thanks Jazz." He threw up a fist at me and I could see the 'I told you so' look from where I stood. I would certainly have a lot more apologizing for giving him such hell for this song. **_

_**The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful**_

_**Stop me and steal my breath**_

_**Emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky**_

_**Never revealing their depth**_

_**Tell me that we belong together**_

_**Dress it up with the trappings of love**_

_**I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips**_

_**Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above**_

_**No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't look away from Bella. I wanted her to know that every single word was true and I was meant for her alone. All the other people that passed through out lives were just that, passing through. I felt so foolish for not jumping on the chance to show her my love back when we were kids.**_

_**I'll be your crying shoulder**_

_**I'll be love suicide**_

_**I'll be better when I'm older**_

_**I'll be the greatest man of your life**_

_**Rain falls angry on the tin roof**_

_**As we lie awake in my bed**_

_**You're my survival, you're my living proof**_

_**My love is alive and not dead**_

_**Tell me that we belong together**_

_**Dress it up with the trappings of love**_

_**I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips**_

_**Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above**_

_**I know the gallows of heartache part all too well. The pain that I felt while Bella was gone is still there; I keep it to remind myself to never for one second take her for granted. One small word or action could change everything for us. **_

_**I'll be your crying shoulder**_

_**I'll be love suicide**_

_**I'll be better when I'm older**_

_**I'll be the greatest man of your life**_

_**I've dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead**_

_**Tuned in, turned on, remembered the thing you said**_

_**I'll be your crying shoulder**_

_**I'll be love suicide**_

_**I'll be better when I'm older**_

_**I'll be the greatest man of your life**_

_**As the song ended Bella stood up and walked over to Jasper. He stood and took her in his arms, I could see he was whispering to her and she was nodding. She pulled back and gave him a kiss on his cheek. I put the guitar back in its holder and went to meet her. Bella's quick gait brought her to me before I could even make it across the small space for dancing. She threw herself up into my arms and began to sob. **_

"_**I love you so much Edward. More than you will ever know. I'm sorry we fought and were apart for that time. Promise me we will never do that again. I couldn't live without you." Her distress was killing me. **_

"_**Shhh, Bella, that wasn't the point of the song love. I wanted you to see my love not my hurt. We both made mistakes and I promise to do my best to never repeat that mistake. You have my word on that." The humor in my voice caused Bella to pull back and smack my chest. **_

"_**You better not ever repeat that mistake, if you value your life." **_

_**The kiss she gave me made my toes curl and I wanted to throw everyone else out. I needed some alone time with my wife, right the fuck now!**_

The driver pulled up at the resort and opened the door for us. I shook Bella gently to let her know we had arrived. When she opened those beautiful chocolate eyes they were bright and shiny and wide awake. That was a good thing because I didn't want to disturb her sleep but I couldn't restrain myself any longer.

"Hello, Sleeping Beauty. Did you have a good nap?"

"I did, I'm so sorry that I slept the whole flight and drive." She looked around and was taking in the lobby of the resort. Wonder and delight filled her eyes. "Edward, this is where we're staying?"

"Nope, this is the lobby. We are staying in a villa." Just then a porter came and took the cart with our bags and motioned for us to follow him. I took Bella's hand and took the opportunity to brush my finger over her wedding ring. I needed confirmation that this was real and not just a dream for me.

Once we were inside our villa and the bags were placed in our bedroom the porter showed us the buffet the staff had laid out for us on the table. "Sir, we knew that perhaps you would have missed dinner based on the timing of your flight so we sent over something to tide you and your lovely bride over until breakfast is served for you both. I hope you enjoy." He gave a bow and I followed him to the door to tip him.

When I turned back Bella was nowhere in sight. I made my way to the bedroom to find her. She had her back to me and was opening her suitcase. I walked up behind her and placed my arms around her waist. "What are you doing angel?" I murmured against the back of her neck.

"Pulling out all of the naughty things that Rose bought me to wear for you so I can take a shower and then we can do all the things that have been running through your mind all day. Don't think I didn't know every time a naughty thought crossed your mind. I could see it in your eyes."

Busted, she had caught me. I hoped she didn't catch every one of them because there were a lot of them, and they varied in degrees of their dirtiness. I wanted to make sure that every one of them was checked off of my list by the time this week was over.

"Come here, I want to kiss you, senseless first." She complied and was in my arms in less than a heartbeat.

I could feel her nipples through her shirt and bra, they were so hard. I knew that tonight should be slow and sweet but so help me I just wanted to fuck her hard, make her come so hard she saw stars. Just as the thought entered my mind I felt Bella bite down on my lower lip and pull it slightly with her teeth.

"I wanna feel you fuck me hard right now. Fuck the lingerie, we'll use it later." Bella panted against my lips as she reached her hand inside my pants, palming my already hard dick.

I could only groan in response. This is why I married this woman. Every time I think I have her figured out a new side comes out to play. This new side I definitely loved.

Bella dropped to her knees and pulled my pants open; before I could even blink she had me in her mouth. All the way in her mouth, I felt the back of her throat. Have I said how much I loved this woman? The sensation of hitting the back of her throat was indescribable; she certainly knew what she was doing. I would have to make sure that I arranged this position again and often. I placed my hands on each side of her head and tilted her face slightly upwards so I could watch her beautiful eyes as she sucked my cock. The visual was indescribable. It was as much of a turn on as the actual action itself. To watch Bella's face, knowing that she was so ready for me. I could close my eyes and picture her sweet body laid out in front of me and her glorious pussy ready for me to slide right into.

"Baby, wait. This is hardly fair for me. You get to have all the fun and I just have to stand here. Get up on that bed and let me taste you." Bella gave me a slight frown as she pulled slowly off of me. I expected some resistance from her as she climbed up on the bed. She moved herself around a little trying to find the right spot to lie down, but she didn't utter a word as she settled herself. Once she found it she flopped down onto her back with her head hanging off the side of the bed. I groaned in anticipation. My whole goal was to attempt to slow my orgasm by focusing on her but Bella didn't seem interested at all in this plan of mine. The position she was in was sure to bring about one of my fastest orgasms in history. Because as much as I loved Bella's mouth wrapped around me, I loved it even more when she laid in this position that opened up her throat and allowed me to slip even further down in there. With her head hanging off of the bed I could fit my entire dick into her mouth without so much as a single gag from her. I think the little fucker twitched at the thought alone.

"Fine, have it your way, but I will get some of your sweet pussy at the same time." I stepped forward as Bella opened her mouth to take me back in. There was no way I was going to be able to slow anything down, so I simply pulled her panties off of her and dove right in. I was hopefully going to give her as much pleasure as I was getting.

Reaching my face further down Bella's body stretched my torso out and pulled me in closer to Bella's face. I should have been worried about her ability to take in oxygen and such. But all that would cross my mind was fucking her mouth. She encouraged me by sliding her nails up the back side of my thighs and palming my ass, pushing me further into her willing mouth. I set a steady pace and made sure not to hit her too deep.

Before I could really concentrate on how good she was feeling, Bella slid her hand around to cup my balls. It felt incredible and I knew there was no holding back. I had to come and I had to come now. I pushed up away from Bella's body, resting both of my hands on the bed beside her hips. Both of her hands now cupped my balls as I slid in as far as I felt comfortable into her willing mouth.

"Fuck, baby, that feels so good. I don't think I have ever been so far in. Do you like that?" I wanted to make her hum, anything to make her do that. That was the sensation that I wanted to feel as I came like a madman deep in her throat.

And sure enough as soon as the vibrations began building up in her throat I came hard and deep.

Bella slid out from underneath me and rose from her position. The breath and sensation was slowly returning to my body and now all I could think about was making her feel the same glorious feeling as often as she could tonight.

"C'mere." I pulled her into my arms, her back against my chest. "Did you like having my cock in your mouth?" I bit down on her shoulder as I asked. She tossed her head back and laid it against my shoulder, giving me better access to continue along the same path. I wrapped my arm around her torso to hold her close to me and slid my other hand down to touch her silky skin right at her hips bones. Eventually I would touch her where she wanted me to but first I needed her absolutely dying with desire for me. I traced along one side of her wet lips and back up the other side. "You don't like the teasing as much when it's you getting teased, do you?" Her sweet whimpers simply increased my need to prolong her gratification.

"Please." She moaned.

"Please, what?"

"Please touch me." She cried as I continued to get as close to her clit as I could without actually touching her.

"I am touching you, angel." I licked her neck and spoke across the path, enjoying the shiver it caused to run down Bella's back.

"Inside, touch me inside, please." Her pants were getting louder and she was sagging harder against me. I think if I had let her go she would have crashed right to the floor.

"Inside? You want me inside you?" Another lick on the other side, but this time I sucked at the skin where her neck and collar bones met. Her response was wordless, just a nod as she continued to pant heavily.

I quickly slid my two fingers into her and curled them forward. Bella's response was immediate, she began to mew at me and make the most erotic moans I had ever heard. That was saying a lot because Emmett had an extensive porn collection and no matter whether I wanted to enjoy it or not, he shared. I heard most of it through the barrier of our adjoining bedroom wall growing up. I was like Pavlov's dog, a girl moans and I wanted sex. None, however, compared to Bella's moan. Hands down the sexiest thing ever.

"You like the way that feels, baby?"

"God, yes. It feels so good." Bella's hand drifted down towards mine. My hand that rested on her breast bone pushed her hand further down. I removed my two fingers from her and she whimpered. Until she felt my hand entangle with hers and pull us both back down to slide back into her together.

"That's it baby, help me fuck you. You feel how good that is?" She nodded again, her head drifting forward, almost as if her head was too heavy for her to hold it up any longer.

Me fucking Bella with both of our fingers felt so good. I had to slow us down, to change things around or I was going to once again come before she did. I withdrew our still joined fingers and brought them up to my mouth to clean them off. Before I could get them all the way there, Bella lunged forward and licked them clean herself, sucking hard on my fingers. Now I had to taste her. First I wanted to kiss her and taste her on her own tongue and then I wanted to taste directly from the source again.

Bella must have understood my intentions as I leaned forward because she met my mouth and plunged her tongue directly against mine. Words did not describe the sensation of sucking Bella's own juices off of her tongue. I needed to feel her explode in my mouth that was my only goal for the moment.

I turned our bodies towards the head of the bed and pulled Bella into my lap as I lay down. My hands encouraged her to inch forward until she rested directly over my face, and I could gain access to the one spot in the world I would never tire of. Her hands made a loud slapping noise as she threw them up against the wall to hold herself upright.

When I felt her inner walls shudder, I slid two fingers back into her and began to pump in rhythm with the dance my tongue was carrying out against her delicate skin. "Fuck yes, let it go Bella."

My words encouraged her to move her hips along my face to a steady pace that suited her. I'm sure the fact that I was unshaven certainly helped with the friction. I must admit that since Bella confessed her love for my scruff, I rarely shaved.

A steady chant of 'yes, yes, yes' began to fall from her lips. Bella's orgasm surprised me. Instead of her normal loud declaration that she was going to come, her body simply began to shudder and she began to moan. I could feel the rush of her orgasm as it hit my mouth but that was really the only outward sign.

I licked and nuzzled until I felt her begin to pull away from the sensation. I knew it was time to once again change our focus. I pushed her legs out a little wider and slid out from under her. I left her leaning against the wall with her beautiful ass pushed out towards me. This was an opportunity that was too sweet to pass by. I turned and positioned myself directly behind her with my legs curled underneath me. This would provide a stable base for an already unstable Bella to sit down against. Without any hesitation, I pulled her down onto me and she immediately began to move over me. Glad to simply be her slave and exist for her pleasure alone. She set the pace and depth, I merely enjoyed her actions.

One of my favorite spots on Bella's body had to be her marvelous breasts. They were the perfect size for her body but yet large enough to fill up my massive hands. And her nipples, sweet, they were a lovely shade of light brown that allowed them to stand out in contrast to her pale skin. My only regret right now was that she was facing away from me and I couldn't suck on them. This had to be remedied right now.

Our positions shifted and Bella now faced me. Without any delay I took her sweet nipple into my mouth and gave it the attention it deserved, while I pinched the other between my thumb and fore finger. Bella's body relaxed and fell backwards to the bed, opening her up completely to me. I gently pushed my legs under her back to keep her from straining to far. With this new position I could watch myself enter her with each thrust. As hard as it was to imagine, I got a little harder watching our bodies join together. I was thankful that Bella brought me to such a quick orgasm earlier because now I could take my time and give her more pleasure.

I wanted to be deeper inside Bella, so I pulled myself up onto my knees. I positioned Bella closer to me and pulled her hips up to the height of mine. I slid back into her, pulling my hands around her upper thigh to hold her steady. Her body was already so pliable from her previous orgasms that I wasn't sure if she could hold this position or not. She began to moan and chant again at the deeper penetration that this particular position allowed. I could also drop the angle of my hips and press right against her G spot as I slid into her each time. I knew Bella well enough to know that the G spot was a certain way to make her explode around me.

I placed one hand on her pubic bone and dropped my thumb down to rub against her clit, doubling the sensations that she felt each time in entered her.

"Fuck yes, Edward. I'm so glad that I married you. Damn it…shit…right there…ugh!" I could feel the rush of moisture under my thumb when her walls closed down on me and pulled me into her warm body.

Bella's orgasm seemed to be non-stop, each wave would simply crash right into another wave and carry her along with it.

"Edward, please you have to come. I can't take much more; I will die from a pleasure overload. Oh, fuck here is comes again. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck…" I'm sure that Bella said more but the blinding wave of my own orgasm prevented me from hearing anything further. All I could do was to hang on to Bella to keep her from falling off of the bed and hope that my 'I'm coming' face looked good.

When the marathon orgasm was over for Bella and I, myself, was quite satisfied, I simply pulled the sheets up around us and we lay exactly where we fell over. I did take the time to wrap my arms around my new wife. The sex was hot and dirty but I wanted her to know that I loved her with all of my being, forever.

"That is not how I planned this night to go." I admitted with some guilt.

"Why not?" Bella asked as she tried to turn her body to face me.

"I just wanted to make love to you. We're on our honeymoon and we should be focusing on our love right now."

"Well let me tell you after the tenth or twelfth time you made me come I loved you a whole lot more. So the love is covered, I promise you that." She tried to pat my face but her arm didn't seem to belong on her body, it was still weak from all of our physical exertion, so she settled with it falling somewhere along my shoulder.

"Fine, as long as you love me I'm good with that." I chuckled.

"As long as you let me sleep in tomorrow, I'm good with that." She responded back.

"Sure, as long as you want, I promise." I kissed her temple as I murmured, "Mrs. Cullen."

I couldn't see the smile but I felt it as her mouth moved against the skin of my arm. The whole world deserved to be a happy as I was right there in that moment. That is the answer to world peace, a good woman to love and great sex!

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**E/N: So was that as good for you as it was for me? **

**Now on to the little tidbit that I promised...A teaser for my new story Believable Lies and Lost Truths (formerly know as Truths, Lies & their Consequences). I will post the teaser on The Fictionators web site on Monday and the full chpater Monday evening(hmm...this seems familiar for some reason)**

I approached the door slowly and quietly. I wanted to also make sure I wasn't interrupting anything Esme was doing. I heard her sweet voice drifting out of the partly open door and waited to see if she was with someone or on the phone. I only heard her after a few seconds of silence and figured that the latter was the case. I decided to wait for her, after all, what else was I going to do? I wanted someone to know that I had reached my ultimate goal and celebrate with me. So I took a seat on the hall bench. I soon realized that this particular seat allowed me to hear Esme's conversation perfectly, and I felt like I was snooping. So, not wanting to intrude, I decided to wait downstairs. As I stood to leave, I heard the words that caused my heart to stop.

"I know. I'm not sure why they're still together. She's only going to hold him back. How is he supposed to concentrate on Medical school with her as a constant distraction? He has so much potential, and I would hate to see it wasted by not applying his full attention."

I was sure that she had more to say, but I was so stunned to hear those words coming from Esme. She was the last person I expected to hear something like this from. Esme was like a mother to me, I had gone to her many times in the past for advice since my own mother lived in Phoenix now. I was crushed to think that she has felt this way all along about me.

**Make sure you have me on author alert so you won't be left out in the cold come Monday!**

**Thanks again for all your support, love ya, mean it!**


	38. Chapter 38 Apology

Dearest Readers,

I have to once again say I am so sorry for not having an update for you. This time I do have a really good excuse, I have lost someone so dear to me this past week. And given where we are in the story it is time for the happily ever after, but my heart just isn't into the happily ever after right now. I have no intentions of leaving this story unfinished. I do have a clear plan of how this is going to end. And I do want to write it out for all of you, just give me some time to get my heart back in a good place and I will.

In the meantime please allow me to direct you to my new story-Believable Lies & Lost Truths. Here is a small summary for you~ Edward and Bella are high school sweethearts, will one over heard conversation change that? Will unexpected events and tragedy bring them back together for good?

The link is on my profile, so go and read that one and tell me what you think.

My bestie, eternally addicted, also has a new story out called Truths, Lies and Alibis. Summary~ FBI psychologist Bella Swan is being stalked by one of criminals she helped put behind bars. Forced to leave her home and lay low for a while, she meets the most gorgeous man she has ever seen. Is he who he says he is, or is he working for the stalker?

Let her know that I sent you and how you like this one as well, I have waited for this one for a while! The link is on my profile as well.

So I hope these two recommendations will keep you busy until I get the last chapter written and out to you. Thank you all for being patient with me


	39. Epilogue I Could Not Ask For More

**A/N: The final one and I don't know how I feel about this, sniffle sniffle. **

**First and foremost thanks to all of you for reading, faving and alerting me. When each of your names pop up in my inbox, I click on your profile to see if you have any fics for me to read as well. If you do then please know that they are on my TBR list(that is a friggen million miles long) and I will make sure to show you the same love that you have shown me :) **

**A few special peeps to thank personally-mommymac0508 before there was anyone there was you! I love you hard for sticking with me from the first chapter! To EA- you and your friendship mean the world to me, I can't go a day without talking to you, seriously. I can't say that about many people, love you lots for all your help and support in all areas of my life. To the Baby Pea Pod Brigade-Erin, Amanda, Ness, and Laurel- I have never made friends so fast as with the group of you. Thanks for taking me and EA in, we are proud to be part of the group! Thanks for the last few weeks and all your love and support for me, means more than you will ever know. To my RL bestie whenever she gets around to reading this- I love you more than I can ever express, sister! Thanks for all the Sam and Bobby shows, and the ones to come:) Can't wait for our Dirty Waters!**

**The final playlist:I Could Not Ask For More-Edwin McCain or Sarah Evans(I like Sarah since this chapter is from Bella), Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman-Bryan Adams, My Sacrifice-Creed, In My Daughter's Eyes-Martina McBride, American Baby-DMB, That's How You Know It's Love-Deana Carter, I Loved Her First-Heartland, Laughed Until We Cried- Jason Aldean, Home-Daughtry, Life Is Okay-Michael Johns featuring Brooke White

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**

Lying here with you  
Listening to the rain  
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face  
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive  
These are the moments I'll remember all my life  
I've found all I've waited for  
And I could not ask for more

Looking in your eyes  
Seeing all I need  
Everything you are is everything in me  
These are the moments  
I know heaven must exist  
These are the moments  
I know all I need is this  
I've found all I've waited for, yeah  
And I could not ask for more

I could not ask for more than this time together  
I could not ask for more than this time with you  
And every prayer has been answered  
Every dream I've had's come true  
Yeah, right here in this moment  
Is right where I'm meant to be  
Here with you here with me  
Yeah

These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive  
These are the moments I'll remember all my life  
I've found all I've waited for  
And I could not ask for more

I could not ask for more than this time together  
I could not ask for more than this time with you  
And every prayer has been answered  
Every dream I've had's come true  
Yeah, right here in this moment  
Is right where I'm meant to be  
Oh, here with you here with me  
No, I could not ask for more  
Than this love you gave me  
Cause it's all I've waited for  
And I could not ask for more  
No, yeah  
No, I could not ask for more

Edwin McCain- I Could Not Ask For More

**Chapter 38- I Could Not Ask For More**

**Bella's POV**

I was sick again, for the third time in as many days. I was ready to get home and have Carlisle give me something that I could take for this. It had to be food poisoning; it had to be that little cantina we ate in before we left that side of the island. It didn't even look like it was fit to prepare food but the locals swore by it so we tried it. Even Edward was sick for two days. We both were ready to get back home and to our beds.

"Angel, is that all you want in your suitcase? I got everything off of the bed and all the stuff on the bathroom counter. What else goes?" Edward was looking better and not so pale anymore. I felt bad that he had to pack for us, good thing he was always close to Alice and she rubbed off on him.

"No, baby, that's all. The rest I can fit in my carry-on bag and I'll shove my clothes from today in the top pocket of the suitcase when I get dressed tomorrow morning. Come back to bed with me, we have to get up so early and I want some more sleep." The four year old whining voice came out but I was still tired.

The next morning was a mad dash, but we made it. We were dressed and sitting in the airport waiting to call boarding on our flight. Edward had talked me into eating a muffin and some ginger ale to wash it down. For a while it felt good to have some food in my stomach but now, well I wasn't so sure that shit was going to making another appearance. I sat for a few minutes and tried to 'will' my stomach to settle down. It didn't work and I made a mad dash towards the women's bathrooms. I hated to throw up in a public toilet, they were often so gross and disgusting. Then there was always the possibility of god knows how many people hearing you. Like I said, hated it!

When my pyrotechnics of my stomach were finally over I made my way to the sink to try to freshen up my face.

"It sucks huh?" A sweet voice off to my right said. I turned to make sure she was talking to me.

"What does?" I knew that was a really silly question considering I had just had my face in a place where most people have their ass.

"Pregnancy," she replied just as sweetly. "Now, don't get me wrong I wouldn't trade my four kids for anything in the world but no one will ever understand the constant turmoil that your body goes through when you're pregnant. I was sick for months with all four of mine." She patted my arm as she continued, "Eat about three crackers and a small sip of ginger ale before you ever put your feet on the floor and that will help you. At least it did me. Congratulations." One of her four children came running to her and I stood stunned as she ushered the child off to wash her hands.

Did she just use the P word to me?

I stood still unable to move an inch in complete shock. There was no way that I was pregnant, no way at all. I had food poisoning. Even Edward had a touch of it, so that is certainly what it was. I made my way back to Edward and sat back down. He pulled me against him as I broke out in tears. I wasn't sure why I was crying at all, just that I was.

I don't remember the flight home or the drive from Seattle. I finally got some rest and to be honest I felt so much better. We stopped at Carlisle and Esme's house to stay the night, it was closer and I was happy with that. I just wanted a bed and some more sleep.

Apparently Edward and Carlisle plotted to have me checked out, because the next morning I found myself dressed and sitting across from Carlisle at the end of a hospital bed.

He drew blood from both Edward and I because we had been out of the country and sent us home. He said he would call when he had some results. I tried to eat some toast and was able to keep it down, finally. Slowly I made my way back upstairs to try to take another nap. Just the small act of dressing and riding to the hospital had wiped me out.

Later that afternoon, I woke up facing Edward in bed. He was simply staring down at me with a large smile on his face. He was wearing one of his earth shattering smiles, weak at the knees, the whole world stops spinning type of smiles.

"What has you so happy?" I asked as I rubbed my eyes and tried to pull myself from the peaceful slumber that I was so deep into a few minutes before.

"You baby. Just you. I love you, you know that right?" His tone was soft but his words scared the hell out of me. Did he find out the results of my blood work? Did I have some strange illness you can get by eating at places that are not sanitary enough to prepare food in?

"Edward, you're scaring me. What did you find out?" I tried to push away from his chest and put some distance between us. He wasn't having any of that, he pulled me closer to him and because he was stronger he won. "Really, Edward, you're scaring me."

"You're fine, baby, there is nothing wrong with you at all. I promise." He placed small kisses along the side of my face, and I swear I could feel the wetness of tears on his face.

He pulled back and smoothed my hair back away from my face. "Baby, Carlisle got the results of your blood work. You are severely dehydrated and need some fluids. But this isn't food poisoning, you're pregnant." His voice lowered as he said the last half of the sentence. Again, I was in shock, so I just stared at his face waiting for some sort of clue as to how he felt about this news.

"Is he sure? I mean no one in the lab messed up my tests or anything, right?"

"No, Bella, there is no mistake you are pregnant with our child." He leaned down to kiss me on my lips.

"Are you okay with this, I mean we didn't talk about this and you do have two more years before you finish with your residency. How will we make this work?" The panic was setting in.

"Angel, calm down. We'll be fine, I would have liked to be done with my residency just so I can be home more and see everything that he or she does but it'll be fine. I can't wait to see our baby. Our baby, Bella, can you believe that?" His hand drifted so gingerly over my stomach.

"As long as you're sure." I searched his eyes for any sign of hesitancy but found none.

"I'm more than sure, I can't wait."

_Who knew that 24 weeks could go by so fast? _

I moved faster as I heard Edward bellow from the bottom of the steps. "Bella, move your ass or we are going to be late. We can't miss this appointment. She has tried three times to find out and this is our last chance. Come on!"

Our stubborn child had not cooperated for the last three ultrasounds and we were trying one final time to see if we could determine the sex of the baby.

The last few weeks had been a whirlwind of activity. We moved all of my stuff out of my room and painted it for a nursery. But I didn't want to decorate without knowing what I was having, so we were once again rushing off to try to find out.

Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie all agreed that we should stay in the house with all of them. They made some convincing arguments for our staying. Jasper pointed out that we would need lots of help with Edward working all kinds of crazy hours at the hospital and me still working. Besides I really did want to have more hands around to help me out, to be honest I was scared to damn death. I never really thought I was that kind of girl. Alice, now she had her life planned out from the time she was 8 years old. She would have 2.5 kids, a dog, and a house with a white picket fence. Your typical average American family for her but I wasn't so sure about all of it. Now, however, that I had was pregnant with Edward's child there is no other way I would have wanted my life to turn out. Besides I did have Esme here in town and my mom would be coming to stay when the baby was born, so I had my share of mother's to give me advice.

Later that afternoon, I stood in the middle of the baby superstore and pushed a cart full of all kinds of pink stuff for our daughter. Finally she cooperated and showed the world all of her business. Her daddy was thrilled, I knew that he didn't really care but I knew that Edward had a soft spot in his heart for little girls. He talked about his pediatric patients for hours on end, he was always 100% invested in their care and doing all he could for them. The little girls seemed to melt his heart a small fraction faster when he had to take care of them though.

We had all of her furniture and bedding picked out. As well as every kind of baby items that a child could ever need or want. Between Esme, Alice and Rosalie we had it all in our buggy and the other two that they were pushing. Edward marched along with us like a trooper and added his fair share of things to the already overfilled carts. He wasn't fooling anyone at all, he was thrilled.

Later that night as we lay in bed, he slid in behind me and pulled me close so he could rub my belly and talk to the baby.

"Bella, have you given any thoughts to baby names. We can't call her 'Peanut' when she is born, you know." The humor in his voice was laced with a small amount of seriousness.

"I haven't really and I never called her 'Peanut' anyway. You, Jasper, and Emmett do. Why do you think about names?" Edward constantly amazed me the ways in which he involved himself in the pregnancy. For that matter every single member of our family was totally involved. Emmett came home with a new stroller for us the other day because he read online that it was the safest one for infants. What the hell he was doing reading that, who knows, that was just Emmett.

"Sure," he simply said.

"Well, are you planning on sharing what you got?" I turned in his arms and smacked his shoulder.

"Madison Claire Masen-Cullen, that's the only name I came up with."

"Edward, that is beautiful. I love it. Madison Claire it is." No other name needed to be even suggested; we had the most perfect one already.

Three days before my due date, I shook Edward and tried to wake him up. This was exactly what I was afraid of, going into labor after a twelve hour shift for him. He had slid into bed beside me less than three hours ago. I held off as long as I could for him. But the last three contractions were pretty strong and pretty close together.

"Edward, oh shit…" I trailed off as another contraction hit me. This one was only three minutes after the last one. No more sleeping for us.

"What?" Edward sat straight up in bed and immediately reached for his pager on the nightstand. I heard it slam back down as he turned to me. I was holding on to the bed frame panting through the contraction the way they taught us in Lamaze class. I knew he needed to get his shit together and soon so we could get to the hospital or he was going to be delivering his own baby.

"Oh shit, Bella, are you alright?" He rushed to my side. I pushed him towards the bathroom so he could get dressed as I continue to pant.

I heard a loud banging followed by "shit, shit, shit…" Edward immerged from the bathroom holding his foot but fully dressed. It amazed me that in the throes of labor I could still pause to take in the sexy picture that my husband presented. He was dressed in dark black jeans, a plain white v neck t shirt, and a black short sleeved button up over it. He left the button up open and had the sleeves turned up to accent the full of his muscled arms. I wanted him to throw me down on the bed and make love to me right now.

The next contraction stopped that idea suddenly.

"Bella have you called the doctor?" He took my hand and helped me move to sit on the large yoga ball that helped with my back pain. I panted and breathed while shaking my head in decline to him. He flipped his phone open and within minutes he had the doctor on the line.

He rushed to each room and told the others that we were leaving for the hospital. Each of them promised to be there shortly. They also agreed to call Carlisle and Esme, as well as Renee and Phil to let them know.

Edward rushed down the stairs with my suitcase as well as the bag of stuff I wanted to take with us. Jasper held my hand and helped me descend the stairs safely. We stopped three times before we reached the bottom, I really was beginning to worry that Edward would be delivering his own child.

My legs were thrown up and rested against Edward and Rosalie's chest as they helped me push. The doctor said one more push but hell he had said that shit four times before.

"Okay, Bella, one more push for us." He sat there on that stupid little roller stool and smiled at me with his smug ass smile while I passed a friggen watermelon out of me. I will show him one more push.

"I fucking can't. I need to rest, I'm too tired." My eyes met Edwards and understanding passed through his.

"Baby, feel this." He took my hand and passed it across the outside of my vagina. I could feel her head as well as her head full of hair. She was waiting, paused right at the edge of the birth canal, ready for her big grand entrance into our lives.

"Bring her to us, angel, push her out so we can hold her." The love so clearly showing in his eyes that it caused tears to spring to my eyes as well. He was ready to meet his daughter. I pushed for all it was worth and Madison Claire slipped right into Edward's waiting hands. He put her up on my chest and kissed my temple.

"I love you both more than you'll ever know. This is all I have ever wanted out of life, right here. You, me and her. A family."

The tears that ran from his eyes were the unashamed tears of a man getting his every wish fulfilled in one moment. I couldn't help but cry knowing that I gave him those things. I had never been so proud of any other accomplishment in my life.

Maddie was a perfect baby. She waited patiently for her milk and never fussed for long over anything. She loved each of us but her love for her daddy clearly shown in her eyes as he held her and sang to her. Edward was so patient with her and played all kinds of music for her. He read to her, he loved her more than words could ever express. She had him wrapped around her finger and I truly didn't mind, being a daddy's girl myself and all.

If anyone asked I could certainly say that I could not ask for more and that certainly life is okay.

I remember skies of blue

There was always someone who never knew

Life is Okay

I think about those days gone by

Where there was nothing but you and I

Life is Okay

Michael Johns featuring Brooke White- Life Is Okay

**The End!**

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**E/N: For the last time people leave me some love;)**

**Make sure you go and check out my new fic Believable Lies & Lost Truths, it is three chapters in. **

**Thanks again:)  
**


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